In short
The episode is a wide-ranging chat touching on: (1) Gladiators controversy—Giant (Jamie) being dropped/not renewed by the BBC after dating an OnlyFans model; (2) the ethics and logistics of flirting/kissing while married; (3) personal style and tattoos; (4) Piers Morgan’s reaction to Percy Pigs removing gelatin; (5) “edging”/language changes; (6) hay fever/pollen damaging car paint; and (7) a “carpets/floors” life reflection thought.
Guests
Tom Davis and Theo? (the co-host is referred to as “Theo” in conversation). No other named guests appear, but they discuss a Gladiators cast member “Giant” (Jamie) and mention Piers Morgan, Ian Wright, Adam Buxton, and Russell Brand.
Key claims/examples
Giant’s contract wasn’t renewed; the relationship wasn’t public; the show is family-friendly so kids might see OnlyFans content. They debate whether OnlyFans dating is inherently wrong. Tom Davis describes a fictional pub-to-toilet “Neil Bacon” scenario. They praise Percy Pigs/Candy Kittens and cite Piers Morgan calling the gelatin change “woke gone mad,” with Tom Davis being labeled a “professional troll.” They joke about pollen “eating into” paintwork and permanent blotchy headlights.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEspresso and Style Icons
0:45 to 2:37
Discussion about mugs, coffee, and their fashion influences.
“You're wearing a lot of green these days.”
The Influence of Adam Buxton
2:37 to 4:28
Hosts share their admiration for comedian Adam Buxton and his impact.
“Did you know about one in three people with plaque psoriasis may also develop psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness and swelling?”
Transition to Gladiators
4:28 to 6:41
Shifting focus to the topic of Gladiators and recent news.
“Because you're about to get excited about the fact you used the word right.”
Gladiator Relationships and Controversy
7:46 to 11:34
Discussion on a Gladiator's relationship and the public's reaction.
“Because you said you really wanted to kiss a boy and then correct yourself if you said man.”
The Nature of Public and Private Lives
11:34 to 14:04
Exploration of the balance between public image and personal relationships.
“I think the truth is you've got a divorce.”
Introduction to Jamie the Giant
14:04 to 15:00
Exploring the humorous concept of Jamie the Giant and his mythical portrayal.
“There's a foghorn in the distance and it's a call to come to Gladiators.”
Nostalgia and Obsession with Gladiators
15:00 to 18:00
Romesh and Tom reminisce about the Gladiators show and their childhood crushes.
“Or he's just living under a bridge, like a troll.”
Understanding Edgelord and Edging
18:00 to 19:07
A light-hearted discussion about the meaning of 'edgelord' and the concept of edging.
“as an insult some things work better together like NARS's Soft Matte Complete Concealer and Radiant Creamy Concealer.”
Discussing the Gay Following
19:20 to 24:10
Romesh and Tom discuss the reactions and attention they've received regarding their humor and sexuality.
“But I think if you were gay, I think you would mop up.”
Hypothetical Scenarios and Relationships
24:10 to 28:00
Exploring hypothetical situations involving romantic encounters and trust issues.
“I need to know that there's something else.”
Show all 26 chapters
Nervous Introductions
28:00 to 28:34
The hosts express their nerves and excitement about the guest.
“you'd be very good in steering the ship to this destination, if you know what I mean.”
Getting to Know Each Other
28:34 to 29:40
A humorous exchange about the guest's profession as an estate agent.
Role Play and Chemistry
29:40 to 30:40
An amusing conversation about attraction and potential role play.
Nerves and Energy Drinks
30:40 to 32:08
Discussion turns to energy levels and flirtation with humor.
Flirting Woes
32:48 to 34:08
The hosts discuss their experiences and worries about flirting.
“I think that's, or soft, I don't know what you call it.”
Tattoo Talk
34:08 to 35:39
A conversation about tattoos, preferences, and personal stories.
“on your back no yeah I have actually I've got Lisa and not her face that's the name yeah what is a tramp stamp type thing yeah it's just above of my arse cheeks.”
Plans for New Tattoos
35:39 to 36:46
Excitement about getting matching tattoos and their designs.
“Well, we'll have lunch there because I'm getting a load of others done as well.”
Pain and Tattoo Experiences
36:46 to 38:08
Discussing the pain associated with tattoos and personal experiences.
“So he did like that parental advisory and then he did a Kendrick Lamar up here but it's quite small and then he started doing like little colouring in bits around to sort of fill up the whole space.”
Piers Morgan and Controversy
38:08 to 39:01
The hosts reflect on Piers Morgan and his controversial nature.
“so it just felt like it was going on forever.”
Percy Pigs and Sweet Controversy
39:01 to 40:08
Discussion about Percy Pigs and vegan controversies in sweets.
“You and him both are quite successful now on YouTube.”
Football, Politics, and Personal Alliances
40:08 to 41:36
The complex relationship between football, politics, and personal opinions.
“And then he called me, I think he called me a professional troll.”
Misunderstandings and Lord of the Rings
41:36 to 42:00
A light-hearted discussion about pop culture and misunderstandings.
Legolas and Aramir: A Comparison
42:00 to 42:50
Exploring the dynamic between characters in 'Lord of the Rings'.
“Aramir didn't get on for a bit Legolas yeah Legolas sounds like you telling the mate he's pissed, but you're pissed.”
Debating the Length of 'Return of the King'
42:50 to 43:40
Discussing the pacing and content of the third 'Lord of the Rings' film.
“yeah oh shit why didn't they put that in the film?”
Hay Fever and Car Maintenance
43:40 to 46:00
Sharing experiences with pollen allergies and car care tips.
“My dad had, like, that's what, my dad had, like, Okay, so can I ask, before we get into this, Yeah.”
Reflections on Life and Growth
46:00 to 47:50
Philosophical musings on personal growth and self-reflection.
“That's why everyone loves this time of year.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, hello there. It's time for another trip on this little roller coaster that we call the wolf and the owl. The wolf and the owl. I've got a little espresso. Is that the mug you brought in yourself? No, it's sitting opposite me. No, I asked for an espresso and they gave me this. It's a little egg cup. I like those sorts of... How do you feel about cups without handles? I like it. I sort of feel like I'm really engaged with the drink. Yeah. You know, like when people take ages to make a cup of tea, like a special tea, and then they sit there. That's what I feel like with it. Yeah. It's also color-coded to your whole outfit.
0:41Yeah. The green. I love the idea that the studio here have just got whatever colors you're wearing. They've got a mug.
0:46Romesh Ranganathan:They have got 27 of these. Yeah. You wear a lot of green now. There's a brown one in case. You're on top then.
1:09You're wearing a lot of green these days. Like Robin Hood kind of vibe.
1:12Romesh Ranganathan:You're wearing a lot of blue these days. Today I'm wearing blue. I'm a big fan of that Adam Buxton hat you've got on. Adam Buxton? How dare you? I mean, I love Adam Buxton. This is an Ian Wright hat. Ian Wright is my style icon. You can't decide what people say your hat reminds them of. Yeah, but you know what's really sad? This is actually Ian Wright's design of a hat. Right, okay. Also, Ian Wright for me is the person who wore it. I was like, wow, that's the guy I'm going to follow. Who's your star? I didn't know you didn't like Adam Buxton. I love Adam Buxton. I'm just saying, Adam Buxton's a lot of things.
1:46One of my favorite comedians, Adam and Joe show. Hilarious. Great. One of the founding figures of British podcasting. Yeah. A hilarious guy. A genius. I think we throw away around the word genius
1:58Romesh Ranganathan:well you say about anyone that emails so yeah but I think we've had some genial emails in genial is not the word you're looking for yeah but I I think we've got we've got to be careful we've got to be careful so Adam Buxton not a genius you don't like his style no I think I love his style well I'm just summarising what you've said so far I like Adam Buxton I think he's hilarious I think he's very funny did you say Anton Buxton by the way I think he'd have got further with a name like Anton Buxton. Anton Buxton is a guy that I'd travel to watch. I thought it was like if Deck had been replaced by a guy called Buxton.
2:33Romesh Ranganathan:Anton Buxton. I love that idea. It's so sad that Deck is leaving. Yeah, but we've got good news. Buxton Harris is coming in. It's Anton Buxton. But he's not a Geordie. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just got a... Jamaican. How would he sound? Huh? I don't. Did you know about one in three people with plaque psoriasis may also develop psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness and swelling? Does this sound like you? Listen to what it sounds like to be a million miles away.
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4:25Romesh Ranganathan:By the way, I know... But I will say Ian Wright... I know Ian Wright's your style, I promise. I adore Ian Wright's style. I think Ian Wright has got it right. I mean, yeah. Actually, that's what I'm saying. No, don't. Yeah. Just move on. Because you're about to get excited about the fact you used the word right. Yeah, but... yeah he would wear this outfit wouldn't he i'm not even like i watch what him right wears on the overlap right what he wears day to day yeah and i'm like that that's a look yeah you you you bust in street wear but it's still it still represents one of the person of our age yeah yeah yeah i like it yeah who would you say your style i don't have one wow wow what i mean is i should have one no i don't think you do no but it's good to it's good to sort of try and emulate something, isn't it?
5:11Romesh Ranganathan:No, it's not good to, but what I mean is it's good to have influences, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I read that book, Steal Like an Artist. Have you read that book? No. You always ask me this and the questions and the answer's always the same. Sorry. Have you read this book? Let me say something more relatable. I checked out this OnlyFans account. Have you seen it? Yeah, she's married to the Gladiator now. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Let's talk about that. I feel quite, yeah, because I met this guy at the Royal Variety. Yeah. It seems insane that he's been let go. The reason he's been let go from Gladiator is that because...
5:48Well, what I'd love to do
5:49Romesh Ranganathan:is for us to talk at length about this without all the facts. So let's do it. So my... Why would we change the fact that we've been doing that on this podcast? My understanding is I think this cup is making me talk differently. I like it. I feel like I'm being more considered and sort of... Yeah, you are. I feel like I'm on the fucking South Bank Show topical. But you know, like... Is it Melvin Bragg? Yeah. Yeah. So, listen. Baxter and Bragg would have been another. Gladiators. So my understanding is that... So you know he's married, right? Yeah, I know that. Yeah, yeah. So he was married, split up, got with this girl whose name I don't know.
6:32Romesh Ranganathan:And then she's on OnlyFans, but they hadn't gone public with their relationship for whatever reason. and then he said to the BBC, I don't, when they say he spoke to the BBC, you've worked on BBC, you don't speak to the BBC. No. Sorry, before I go on, could I have a quick chat with the BBC please? Is it okay to have a chat with the BBC? The idea of you calling John Petrie to say that you're going out with an only fans model. He spoke to the production company and they, I don't think they let him go. They've not renewed his contract. Yeah. So that's not, so I don't think he's got any legal grounds.
7:07Romesh Ranganathan:yeah because you're not being fired you've not just but he was like well i mean i don't really i've not i've watched a bit of the gladiators the rerun yeah the new one yeah and quite enjoy it um the new new earth yes um end game but he's one of their big faces right he's what he was a i don't know i don't know how they analyze which ones are popular which ones are well he can't have been i mean because i think if he was popular popular they don't get rid of him on the basis well he's sort of gone on all the they've gone on all the chat shows now haven't they yeah okay what's your problem i just find like that is like like i i think look divorce and splitting up with someone's pretty hard right as we both know currently currently we haven't gone public about this but we're both currently living together yeah i you know that yeah we should actually that a lot of people sort of been mentioning this clip yeah that's about wanting to kiss each other yeah we didn't talk about wanting to kiss each other oh no we didn't Why have I said, oh my God.
8:03Romesh Ranganathan:Wow. No, do you know what? Can I tell you why I said that? Because you said you really wanted to kiss a boy and then correct yourself if you said man. You basically described a kiss. I said I fancied a guy on a train. A more ripped version of me. Well, not even. You're pretty ripped. Anyway, then it seemed obvious to me that if we wanted to kiss a guy, we should have kissed each other. And now I've brought it up again. Yeah. That would be the viral clip. Yeah. Me and you just French kissing. The point is, I think probably if you split up with Kat and I split up with Lisa, we'd probably end up together, I imagine.
8:35Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. It's the most likely outcome. Yeah. Yeah. Certainly, I think we'd start living together and then sort of slowly sort of feelings would grow. Yeah. Yeah. You'd start off as friends. Yeah. And then you just, and then one night. It's a big thunderstorm. Yeah. One night, yeah, we're getting, we're cozying in. Yeah. And then we go, should we? Yeah. You're scared of the thunder. You're like Ted. So we have a cuddle. And then we're all cudded up together. And then I sort of lean across and maybe kiss. I imagine I'm nuzzled up against you. On smelling your hair. Yeah. And then I sort of kiss you on the cheek.
9:03Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. And I'll go, what are you doing? Why are you so formal?
9:09Romesh Ranganathan:So anyway, we're talking about Giant. Yeah. Speaking of men we'd like to nuzzle up to. He wouldn't be my type. But anyway, I think it's a bit harsh on the... What's great as well, we've got John, who's a big Gladiator fan. I don't know what fucking hell's going on here. He's obviously very angry that we're talking about Giant. He's wandering across the back of the room. He's throwing fucking lens caps all over the shop. We've talked about some stuff on here that can be deemed as slightly controversial. Yeah, but who knew that this would be the thing that would finally get to John? He's obviously such a big gladiator.
9:37Yeah. He's booted the table.
9:38Romesh Ranganathan:Just fucking keep your views to yourself. His texts are going off, so he's obviously on his incel. It was like this when we were talking about the hotel practice. He's obviously on his incel gladiator group. Going off, I've got to say, saying, this pair of pricks are laying it in a giant now. Guys, can we get on this early doors? Get on the socials. Let's try and pre-empt this. I'll try and cut it out. what I found I just found it a bit like she's clearly upset the ex-wife by it and I think there's an element to me of being like like you know quite why he's felt the need with his new girlfriend and look by the way I should be quite transparent me and Giant chat I've met him a couple of times I think he's a nice chap I've always gotten around with him It's good to declare your business interests before we start getting We were trying actually weirdly to get him as a Mandrell athlete which is synonymous with Mandrell's success story is that we've now sponsored a gladiator who's not a gladiator who's just a big chap who's going out with the fans model so evidently by the looks of things we're probably getting into the porn business but I'd love to see I would love to see a fucking bukkake seat where just before they start they hydrate with watermelon I feel quite light headed what you need is some electrolytes I can go again yeah but so I I slightly feel, I don't know quite what the reason is that they felt the need.
10:59Romesh Ranganathan:Well, I think it's fairly obvious, isn't it? It's like the relationship didn't feel official yet. Yeah. And also, I think sometimes when you think something's going to be a problem, it makes you lean further into it. Of course. So he might have had a conversation with him going, well, whatever you do, don't go, I would keep that to yourself if I was you. And then he's gone, well, fuck you. He's had a chat with his other half. She's gone. It's made her feel a... I'm hypothesizing. Made her feel a certain way because she's doing a legitimate job and then they've decided to double down. They wouldn't surprise me without saying that.
11:35I don't see that. I think the truth is you've got a divorce. You're moving on. I don't think there's a problem with that. I don't even think, to be fair, there should be a problem with the fact he's seen an OnlyFans model. I don't think that that's... I don't see why that's a problem. No, but okay.
11:48Romesh Ranganathan:Can I just play a devil's advocate here? That's why we're here, baby. so can't be a one way street buddy no you can't have the wolf without the hour you can actually he's on tour right now and it's a great show anyway if Gladiators is a family show yeah okay yeah and then a kid is watching Gladiators yeah and says I love Giant right yeah goes on to Instagram yeah has a look at Giant's account and says oh who's that with Giant oh that's his girlfriend clicks on that then all of a sudden she's playing the piano in her undies. I imagine. I haven't checked her account out. Well, yeah, that is her signature move.
12:29Yeah, can I just then double down on this? I'd love you to. So, firstly...
12:33Romesh Ranganathan:So, I play devil's advocate, now you're doubling down. No, I'm playing the angel's wings. Okay. So, so to speak, right? Number one, if he's still with Gladiators... Where did, what's so to speak got to do with that? I don't know. I think it sounded good. So to speak, it genuinely sounds like you're about to start talking about a rapper or something called so to speak why did you say so to speak I don't know I've got no idea I've got no idea of any of this stuff that's why you're such a genius firstly I think firstly works I think the giant if you look at his thing never ever really posted about his family anyway I didn't know he was married yeah exactly because he posts about being giant in gladiators so I don't think he'd have shared any of his personal details about his new girlfriend unless that had become a thing that he's then going to constantly fuel through Instagram.
13:23But if he's gone, look, I'm going out with OnlyFans women. This is a very serious relationship for me, but I'm not going to be posting about it. It's not something, it's going to be public knowledge or I'm not going to make it overly, I'm not going to be in her videos. I'm not going to be posting all the time about it. I'm still going to keep this. Look at wrestlers, WWF, WWE for years. They were like, some of the shit they had. WCW. Have you, yeah, I mean, have you watched the Hulk Hogan documentary? Not yet, no. Wish.
13:51Romesh Ranganathan:weesh that's a that's a ride um i think you're right actually that's the point he made if i can play um angels wings yeah for a second yeah throw your cards he said giant is a character it's not him his name's jamie isn't it yeah i don't know how to call him giant but yeah okay which is quite weird you said you speak to him yeah so if you if you're down the pub with him i thought going to the pub with him but we chat yeah yeah and then what do you say hey giant yeah okay i don't know his real name he didn't introduce himself all right i would just not eat i'm not saying anything yeah but anyway his name is jamie i believe yeah um he's saying that there's jamie and then there's giant giant is not going out with any fans model no giant is probably asexual yeah i i i think what they need to do is introduce some mythology to gladiators where like a giant is in a field somewhere yeah just fucking like a cow eating grass no eating gazelle yeah just like like a fucking prowling the savannah or whatever.
14:48Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just killing animals and eating them. And then suddenly... Yeah, but then... There's a foghorn in the distance and it's a call to come to Gladiators. Yeah. That would be sick. It would be sick, but not for vegans. No, but he's in the wild, isn't he? I just think he should... Or he comes down a beanstalk. Or he's just living under a bridge, like a troll. Yeah, that's... Picking his toenails. Suitably dehumanising, yeah. No, but... What are the others called? Sabre. Yeah. There's Sabre, isn't there? Yeah. Are those the only two I know? Yeah, I don't... It's just a thing. I've not got to...
15:19Apollo? I think Apollo's one. I can tell you all the old school ones. Yeah. But some of them were flawed human beings.
15:27Romesh Ranganathan:I filmed with Jet once. Wow. You remember Jet? Yeah. Jet was the one that everyone fancied, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So... Weirdly, I used to... I was into lightning. Okay, well, it's not weird. No, I just... Everyone was into Jet. What's weird is that you've taken a compliment and sort of made it into an insult. I'm over. So lightning... If Lightning is a massive Wolf and Al fan. No, I was like Lightning. Just listen to this. Oh, I've got to mention there. Weirdly, I was into Lightning. Oh, cool. No, but everyone was so obsessed with Jet. Yeah, they were. Yeah. Very obsessed with Jet. And I remember at the time, it was very sort of like controversial if you didn't fancy Jet.
16:02Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think it was controversial if you didn't fancy Jet. No, but I remember saying I fancied Lightning. How much controversy was there at your school?
16:14Romesh Ranganathan:There goes that tall boy. who fancies lightning. Here goes the fucking edgelord right now. Although, you know what? Edgelord, Theo's told me I can't say edgelord anyway. Why? So what do you think edgelord means? Well, it's your edgy, right? Yeah, that's not what it means anymore. It means you're into edging. What's edging? What, the gardening term, edging? No. Okay. Edging is, can we look this up to double check? But I'm pretty sure it's taking itself up to the brink of climax without actually... How does... John's nodding. Who told you this? Pardon? Who told you this? Theo told me. Theo? Yeah.
16:47I mean, this is when we're old now. We're officially old. I didn't know that. Did you know that was what edging was?
16:53Romesh Ranganathan:Listen, if you think I've ever taken myself to the brink without crossing the line. I know you're safe control.
17:07I've seen you on the tube and I've run up the escalator to finish yourself off. Wow, so that's the thing now. that's what an edgelord and also imagine calling yourself the edgelord yeah but um anyway wow
17:22Romesh Ranganathan:what we've really fucking gone around the answers we ended up talking about edging yeah but i didn't even know that was a thing yeah it is a thing like he just said to me don't say edgelord anymore wow we didn't say he's not instructional he just said to me i'm just letting you know be wary you think edgelord means this but you if you say it yeah be careful dad you're playing with yeah he's basically he's like telling some this fucking idiot in his house well no it's like how we used to say to our you know like our grandparents when they used to use the word gay yeah and that changed right yeah you know it's sort of all of a sudden we're those we're the old no because I remember you stopped using it what 2019 2020 didn't you what gay gay as an insult as an insult
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19:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, look, I don't think we should go into details. But can you give us, because we were talking about this before we started. Yeah. So I think you're an attractive man, full stop. But I think if you were gay, I think you would mop up. Yeah, I think evidently that would be my... Well, somebody would have to mop up. I've never, ever had, and quite happily so. Very much like the giant from Gladiators, my world has almost been lovely comments, nice people. all of a sudden since the clicks come out of me and you talking about kissing I've had a lot of offers about kissing each other yeah kissing yeah just kissing a guy I've had a lot of people have said I'm happy to be happy to have that kiss and some of them if I'm going to be quite honest with you some of them have gone well beyond that as I've shown you I mean look we're not going to name names but somebody suggested you know wanking you off yeah I've had that I've also had someone if someone messaged me saying if if I want a sort of very discreet place to um have a conversation and sort of when they say conversation fuck right yeah i think so yeah like i mean if you i know you're not going to do it no no i won't again that's quite weird but if you did do it it's just i always feel what i find fascinating about that sort of scenario is getting into it yeah so you go meet this guy at a pub or i guess you'd meet his flat when you want to be seen publicly i don't go straight to his flat i mean i'm a thirsty gentleman but i don't think i'd go okay let's think about let's let's imagine i just want to imagine for a second that you decide to do this right right and i want to assess this would have to be a situation where you know like if i was single hypothetically right and this came up i would okay jesus christ look we're not i'm not saying you're about to cheat on can you fucking just calm down no no but i'm just saying to you that if if this this this has happened my first port of call wouldn't be going to someone's flat i think i i think a little bit i want to meet them and have a okay we're not talking about you split up with cat and then you decide that you're going to go out with a guy that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about hypothesizing okay that right now in this moment yeah you think to yourself do you know what i am going to do a bit of experimenting and let's imagine yeah for the sake of your conscience you talk to cat about and cat goes do you know what go for it go for it yeah yeah i think it's good for you i've always Yeah.
21:33Yeah. I think it'd be a good thing. I've told you for ages to have a hobby.
21:36Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. This would be, it'd be great for somebody else to take this on. Could he take on some of your neurosis, some of the fucking anxiety? So you, you messaged the guy. Yeah. What would the message say? I'd probably be like, hey, hey, hey friend. Thanks for reaching out. I've thought about your offer. Would you like to meet sort of a coffee or a drink and sort of see how we get on? Okay. I wouldn't go, let's go to your flat. Yeah, but what are you trying to get out of this? Yeah, but even if I'm looking... But you're just... Even if hypothetically I'm looking for that kiss. Right. I'm thinking, oh, let's have a little bit of a rough and tumble.
22:13Right.
22:16I'm not going to go straight to their flat. No. Because I just think... I don't know. I think a little bit more of myself than just... I'd like to get to know the person. Why do you want to get to know... Sorry, I'm...
22:28Romesh Ranganathan:So what, would you just slut it up? Would you just turn red? I think if I was like, if I, by the way, to be crystal clear, I've had no messages like that.
22:41Romesh Ranganathan:Let's just get that out there. So even if I wanted to, the opportunity is not there. No, but I think we could probably get you along for the ride. If I went, if I, if I. Imagine being a guy that's like, a guy that's been into you and you're thinking, fucking hell, finally, there's a signal here that I could actually, this is so mad. It's like, I never thought in a million years that a married, this married man that I've had a thing for, potentially something could happen. And then you get a message from him, the object to your affections. He goes, hey friend, I've taken you up on your offer. And then I turn up as well.
23:20Hello mate, room for a tiddler. No, I don't have to get involved. I just wanted to watch, see what the logistics are.
23:30Romesh Ranganathan:just in for a penny in for a pound just interesting to see how it might be done i'll be very quiet you might hear some shallow breathing at some stages the idea of having like your first homosexual experience and sort of quite getting into it don't worry i won't make a mess i'm a bit of an edgelord
23:57Romesh Ranganathan:so you meet up with the guy but but okay so in answer your question if it was me yeah i would see this as just a hit and run but you so you just go for the hit and run i think so i mean the part of the problem is like you're looking at more like a prostitute like it's a transitional like a prostitute fucking hell tom when did i say i see it like a prostitute no it's more transitional no it's not transitional either transactional is the word you're looking for
24:30where's the transition from one yeah yeah from what from one side to the other yeah i mean that
24:35Romesh Ranganathan:okay that's true when you leave the room you're transitioning to the door are you yeah anyway the point is you just want to go in no but i think that's what that's what the other person i mean if the other person wants to meet up for i'm not going to go no i just want to fuck this is this I'd probably need a little bit of romance and a little bit of a feeling, a bond. I need to know that there's something else. That's quite sweet. I don't think I could just be like, let's just go. I'd feel so on edge just knocking on the door. Are you not nervous that if you're happily married and then if you get to know this person, then suddenly you might be opening, you know, I'd actually say you're rolling the dice more than if you just had sex.
25:10Yeah, but then I just don't think me turning up sort of randily at the door, like a sort of like.
25:15Romesh Ranganathan:I don't think you don't. I won't warm myself up before he's answered the door. What if he's just turning up and going, right, let's get down to it then? Well, you're not going to, you're going to have a fucking, you're going to just wander in and start kissing him straight away. Like, I think, by the way, you're giving yourself a lot of credit there if you even think you've got that in the locker. No, I don't think I have. I imagine it would be more like sort of sitting down and going, well. No, yeah, but I think the other person is going to then, they're trying and practised, yeah. Yeah. And then I think, it's like playing football or anything.
25:42I feel like I'm out of my depth. don't pass me the ball yeah like I'm like oh shit do you know what I mean I mean you're worried about
25:48Romesh Ranganathan:if the same thing happens when you first played football you come too soon but I so then you'd ease into it yeah I don't know about the getting to know the person not getting to know I'm not saying be completely silent but I'm saying meeting them at a pub first I do think the good by the way I'm really deep diving into this yeah I know one of the big issues you've got is can you trust this person to not sell the story to the papers or something like that I say papers, print journalism is almost dead. But I mean, just sort of spreading it around. Is there not? Yeah, but yeah. I mean, this is a problem.
26:20Then I'd have to probably go on to this morning with him and Catherine.
26:24Romesh Ranganathan:You and Catherine on this morning having to deal with what happened. And then Catherine going, actually, it's something that I was happy to. We'd had a chat about it. Yeah. So we're all sitting there, me, Catherine and Neil Bacon. The guy that I've had the affair with. Yeah. I've given the guy an alias the guy's been getting a contact with him called Neil Bacon yeah weirdly that did need clarifying the guy's not called Neil Bacon no alright so so yeah so you meet for a drink yeah and then ok let's imagine I'm Neil Bacon ok cool so I'm sat down you walk in Neil right Tom lovely to meet you I'm Neil Bacon you alright you good You don't want to shake my hand?
27:10Romesh Ranganathan:I do, but I just... It's a weird thing because I've got to like it. All right, fine. You need to be clear about that because what it looked like is you didn't want to shake my hand because you thought I was fucking... No, also, I could just feel my hands. I'm really sweaty. Oh, bloody hell, yeah. I'm sweaty, yeah. Quite hot in this room. All right, let's try it again. Hello. Hi, hi. Neil, Neil Baker? Yes, Tom? Yeah, Tom Davis. Yeah. I know. Take a seat, please. Oh, thank you. Oh, good table. Yeah? Good table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nice spa, I come here a lot, actually. Oh, do you? Yeah. I suppose you do this sort of stuff quite a lot.
27:41Romesh Ranganathan:What sort of stuff? You know, meet guys and have sex with them.
27:56What do you mean by that? Well, no, you're quite confident. And I guess, like, you seem to, like, yeah, you'd be very good in steering the ship to this destination, if you know what I mean.
28:06Romesh Ranganathan:Well, no, I wasn't. I hope you don't feel manipulated. Oh, would you like a drink, by the way, Neil? Yeah, I'd love a pint of lager. San Miguel? Great. Yeah, two pints of San Miguel, please.
28:21What are you doing? I don't know if the waitress heard me, but then I realised that she did.
28:26Romesh Ranganathan:It's weird. I'm not convinced that is a waitress because we're in a pub. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Okay, she doesn't work here. Oh, nevertheless. Yeah. well look so to speak what how are you feeling about this whole thing well I'm just a bit nervous Neil I've never done anything I'm nervous too because I'm a huge fan yeah and I've always I've always liked you yeah I think I think it's probably a good time now to sort of depart the sort of place for me being a comedian to sort of being well you've certainly not said anything funny since you sat down to being sort of quite anxious that transition has made quite anxious about this yeah I've wanted to kiss a guy for quite some time as you know but this feels like this is really sort of gathering momentum so i just wanted to get to know you and sort of like know a little bit about you what do you need to know what do you do for a living um i am a estate agent oh wow oh tough old business at the moment it is a little bit yeah yeah it's tough but and a lot of people look don't judge i know a lot of people sort of think estate agents are horrible people yeah yeah but actually i you know helping people is one of the reasons I got into being an estate agent because you know a lot of people sort of say it's all about kind of lying about a property or whatever but actually I see it as getting somebody into sex with someone put on a house in a house empty house excuse me have you ever had sex with someone looking around her house because the house is empty and you just had sex with them uh well it's sort of frowned upon but um so no but um I was wondering well everything but up to the absolutely I mean I wouldn't yeah I wouldn't you know it's inappropriate why do you ask that I just always thought that would be quite is that something you'd like to do well what like if I came to look at a house and you're the estate agent and now maybe if we get on maybe that could be a bit of role play because I thought you just wanted to kiss but
30:21Romesh Ranganathan:well I've travelled halfway across London it'd be a shame just to have a kiss well I mean you could travel across London without fucking someone can't you
30:30yeah so no I'm looking forward to the kiss actually
30:33Romesh Ranganathan:well you're actually one of my two celebrity crushes it's you and Ian Wright oh wow yeah he's my style icon he didn't reply oh yeah thanks for thanks for sticking with me with all the replies no problem I'm going to stick it on you in a bit yeah okay so would you be up for kissing back here or somewhere else or you want to kiss here not in the pub but in the toilet maybe in the toilet
31:02I'll find a nice little garden somewhere sort of like a park
31:05Romesh Ranganathan:yeah we can go kiss in the pub I mean I don't really say how many girls are they're taking forever Tom if you don't mind me asking you insisted on meeting at the pub to get to know me better you talked to me for about a minute and now you want to go to the toilet you know I just I just think I just want to see of like there's chemistry between us yeah yeah yeah and you think there is yeah i think you're kind of you're quite a cool guy you know i like the way you're dressed yeah you know sort of queen looks nice on you thanks yeah okay well quite a snotty nose i don't know yeah i don't do you want to do you want to either take a pyroton and wait an hour or maybe reconvene when the pollen levels are lower.
31:58Romesh Ranganathan:My head's full of snot. I'm going to find it quite difficult.
32:06Turn it up. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine. So you can turn that workout up a notch. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for$15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only.
32:45Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Default terms at mintmobile.com. My flirting game is hard. I think that's, or soft, I don't know what you call it. I'm out of practice.
32:58Romesh Ranganathan:Your flirting game makes people soft. Yeah, yeah. It's not good, is it? Yeah, but I'd be worried that they were going to, I'd really be worried that they were going to publicise the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the big problem. But then, yeah. If you could find a way of guaranteeing that wasn't going to happen. What would you do? Would you get them to sign? I'd probably already have done it. Would you get them to sign like a... But those don't mean anything, do they? And also, what are you going to... Okay, first of all, you and I can't knock up that document ourselves. No, you have to go to a lawyer.
33:23Romesh Ranganathan:So then you've got to go to a lawyer, and then the lawyer goes, what do you need? And I go, how long will you knock up a document where I go and fuck a guy in a pub toilet? But he never tells anyone. Yeah, that's true. That's a tricky one. Yeah, but also now with that, like you said, print media, and sort of he could just do a whole Instagram story. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Imagine if, like, without you realising, sort of like, he's behind you and then takes a selfie. yeah oh my god
33:54oh god just my cat back to front yeah
34:00Romesh Ranganathan:anyway something to think about it'd be worse for you because of the tattoos yeah yeah have you got any tattoos on your back no yeah I have actually I've got Lisa and not her face that's the name yeah what is a tramp stamp type thing yeah it's just above of my arse cheeks. Who's Lisa?
34:25Romesh Ranganathan:Wow, fucking hell. I went out for dinner with Lisa last night. Shout out Lisa. Big shout out Lisa. And she told me that she didn't like tattoos very much. What? Yeah. She didn't say she didn't like them. She said she wasn't into tattoos. Now I've got... I was working... How does she... Does she say that and I'm like, oh, I'm not really into tattoos? No, because basically I'm getting another couple done. Yeah. And I'm planning on getting another hand one. Yeah. And then I exaggerated how big the hand one was going to be. Right. Just for shits and giggles. Yeah. And then she said, don't get that.
34:59Romesh Ranganathan:It's the first time she's ever said anything like that. Really? She goes, don't get that. And I said, oh, why? She goes, I just don't know about hand tattoos. And I go, well, do you not like this hand tattoo? And she went, yeah, it's all right. Oh, wow. And then I said, what's the problem? And she's actually, she's a little bit old school in that she thinks that, she doesn't mind tattoos, but them being visible at all times. Yeah, she's got a bit of a thing about. And then it turns out she's not really into tattoos very much at all. Wow. Then we then counted how many I've got to establish how bad the problem was.
35:29Romesh Ranganathan:I've got 21. Wow. So, but she's not, she's never mentioned it before. I'm thinking of getting quite seriously. I've been talking about this into the tattoo. Well, let's make the announcement now, actually. Official announcement. Official announcement, baby. I've spoken to Paul Boxall. Shout out Paul Boxall. He's designing us a Wolf and Al tattoo. we're going to get matchies matching tattoos it's going to be sick yeah where are you going to get yours um where are you going to get yours I was thinking I'm probably going to get it on this arm yeah I'm thinking probably yeah what is that your left yeah yeah on my left arm could do it like around here or something yeah maybe I don't know I'm very excited about it me too yeah I mean I haven't seen the designs yet yeah we're going to go together yeah it's going to be a day yeah doesn't sound like you're that excited I'm very excited about it are you are we going to yeah are we having some lunch Yeah?
36:17Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Well, we'll have lunch there because I'm getting a load of others done as well. How many are you getting? Three. So you get three in the same day. How many can you get in the same day? It depends how big they are. Like relatively. Like, so I got a biggie one up here, really detailed. That took the whole day. Okay. But I got a lot of this arm done in one day. He did about three or four. Like filler sort of stuff? Yeah, like he did. Let me show you. Shall I show you? Yeah, let me show you. I'm quite interested. Because my thing is I don't want to just have like a small. I want to get something done.
36:47Romesh Ranganathan:So he did like that parental advisory and then he did a Kendrick Lamar up here but it's quite small and then he started doing like little colouring in bits around to sort of fill up the whole space. Amazing. And we did that in one day. I say we did it I just sat there. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'm excited for you man. See, what tattoos have you got currently? I've only got the one but I'm getting it. I've got one design there for my shoulder that's going up. One for my calf. Yeah. I haven't looked at another both calves done don't want one here yeah are you worried about getting it done on your shoulder no does it hurt does it hurt the shoulder one no shoulder one's fine shoulder you can get all day elbow was the worst one of the worst pain experiences of my life I would say did you take like what do you do for the pain just like well I Paul's a very nice guy but he we know each other well enough now that he sort of takes the piss occasionally I once suggested that I put numbing cream on and that was not received.
37:45Romesh Ranganathan:Really? Positively. Apparently it changes your skin, numbing cream. It makes it more difficult to tattoo. But if I, if I think if I was to get my other elbow done, I'd put some numbing cream because it was fucking agony. I don't think I'm going to get my elbow. That's, that's, yeah. But it looks good. Like elbow's good. Yeah. But it does feel like they're, he's engraving your bone. Jesus. It was quite painful. And then he, I got an ice cube portrait. Yeah. And he, like that's really detailed. so it just felt like it was going on forever. Do you ever worry about some of the people that you have put on you?
38:18Yeah. I mean, controversy.
38:20Romesh Ranganathan:I had to cover up the Russell Brand one. That was insane, that Russell Brand one. It was just, I mean,
38:30Romesh Ranganathan:just put some little post-its in the Bible. Yeah, yeah. Or just read any passage out. Yeah, just read anything and pretend that means something to you. Yeah, like everyone else does. And then there was light. Yeah. it felt like yeah but also then there's a part of me that like he's there for the show man you know what I think it's really impressive to be on a thing with Piers Morgan and Piers Morgan's the second biggest helmet on them in the shot that's very rare can I say he's getting a lot of applause for sitting there quietly I couldn't get over the fact of watching Piers Morgan's face he knew what he was doing I know he was so
39:19Romesh Ranganathan:It's a shame that Piers Morgan managed to get successful on YouTube, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. You and him both are quite successful now on YouTube. No, I'm not as successful as Piers Morgan is on YouTube. Yeah, but you don't say his sort of controversial gangrish stuff. No, I should do that. I mean, we did, I did pretend to be a guy that's going to fuck you in a pub toilet. Yeah. It's not controversial, but it might be described as grabby yeah yeah but you've got to grab this yeah you do have to it's all about Piers Morgan wrote about me in his column when? because I I slagged him off on something or commented about because he was complaining about the fact that Percy Pigs have taken had taken the gelatin out so you know they're vegetarian or vegan either or they've got a whole vegan range but so they took the gelatin out and then Piers Morgan said it's like woke gone mad or something but who notices it they're still one of the best sweets in the world mate if not the best I know shout out Candy Kittens and Percy Pigs I think we're living in a messy Rinaldo era of yeah maybe I don't know if there's still at the moment I'd say Percy Pigs and Candy Kittens those are your favourite yeah I couldn't pick it's like literally you couldn't pick between kittens and pigs no anyway Anyway, Piers Morgan said something about it.
40:39Romesh Ranganathan:I said something about him saying that. And then he called me, I think he called me a professional troll. What? Wow. Piers Morgan said that. A professional troll? Yeah. He said he's a professional troll, as all comedians are. He's a professional troll by definition. But that's his job as well. I know. I know. I'd love the Wolf and Al to go on the Piers Morgan show. Would you? No. I don't know why I said that. I can't think of anything I want less. No. I just find him like in a place where he I weirdly thought him trying to jump on the HS Tik Toky bandwagon Yeah It's the Yeah I would say he the the only thing that that makes me happy about Arsenal potentially bottling is that he'll be sad Yeah And sometimes when Arsenal have had a really great result I see him post on social media and it ruins it for me Yeah It's mad that you've got that alliance It's just so weird it's two things football and politics we're just aligned do you know what I mean you can't you can't help it you're almost like you know like in Lord of the Rings when they get that little band of sort of that little gaggle of friends together yeah and you're like the two guys you're going for the same thing to help with the ring but you don't get on I can't remember who the two characters are I can't recognise the storyline that you're describing no but didn't there's the two like Legolas and Aramir didn't get on for a bit Legolas yeah Legolas sounds like you telling the mate he's pissed, but you're pissed.
42:09Romesh Ranganathan:You're, I'll tell you what, you're fucking absolutely Legolas. What's Legolas, isn't it? Legolas, yeah. The cool bit is when he rides down the trunk. That's my favourite bit of that whole thing. It's incredible, but you're like Legolas and he's like Aramir. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. In what way? You're like the cool young buck and he's like the old sort of... Okay. No, but you know what I mean? There's a lot of stuff that you share, but then you're like, at odds but then maybe at some point you save his life in the quest for the ring yeah absolutely yeah I don't think the analogy works yeah have you watched Lord of the Rings yeah I love it yeah it's a great film yeah I say I love it I like the first two what's wrong with the third one it's fucking it's been on forever I just think they they've done it all I knew they were going to get to Mordor I just knew it well yeah I mean yeah it wouldn't be as good if they didn't get to Mordor yeah it's just been a big waste of time Sam I suppose we should go home but in the book you know what happens they go back to Hobbiton and it's fucking been torched really?
43:15Romesh Ranganathan:yeah oh shit why didn't they put that in the film? I don't know I guess it could be too dark also who the fuck wants it to go longer yeah we've already got 20 minutes of Frodo just bouncing up and down on the bed going Gandalf yeah when Gandalf turns up on that smiddy old boat yeah yeah anyway I think we're we're ready to wrap things up Tom so it's been quite the roller coaster it has been you're okay you're alright I've got a frog in my throat you know what I'm going to tell you I'm hitting up an asthma stroke hay whatever the pollen is at the moment it's absolutely ripping me to shreds yeah yeah yeah we're having and you know you can't have the hay fever jab anymore oh can you not it's really bad for your bones I think you're thinking of a zempi no no no and a hay fever jab really yeah we have got loads of trees around our house yeah it's very green you've got a forest of your own sort of my Sheriff of Nottingham vibes I would have accepted this were you not living in the most affluent area of the country
44:21Romesh Ranganathan:I would accept this banter from you if you were not in the most expensive street in London okay I always forget that you always forget that I've been to the palace the palace anyway there's loads of trees pollen keeps settling on our cars right from all the plants and everything good little job for Alex or Charlie they won't do that in fairness to them I've never tried get a hosepipe you have to be careful Tom have you washed a car before Yeah, of course. I did it for years. My dad had, like, that's what, my dad had, like, Okay, so can I ask, before we get into this, Yeah. your thought for the day?
45:09Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. How you, because one of the, I cleaned one of my cars, Yeah. and I managed to scratch the fuck out of it. How? Because you're supposed to rinse all the shit off before, I was basically scratching it with the dirt. So you've got all, you know those little circular scratches? So you're supposed to pre-rinse, aren't you? Yeah, you remember, I didn't know that. Get all the, yeah, sand, mud, all that sort of stuff off. Yeah. Anyway, I didn't know that. Anyway, the point is, we had left one of the cars with pollen on it for a long time. Somebody came around. We had to get a professional clean because we'd left it for so long.
45:41Romesh Ranganathan:It was filthy. The guy cleaned it, and then he said, the pollen has eaten into your paintwork. Wow. It's now left a permanent pollination on the car. Pollen is savage, mate. Savage. It turns out the car paint has got hay fever. Wow. Wow. The headlights are all blotchy. That's a little lesson for everybody. Do you know what I mean? Beware of pollen. Get it off. Get it off. That's why everyone loves this time of year. I like it once it gets hotter, but at this point it's like... Real hell. Flowers come into bloom, my arse starts going. I wonder if today's thought will involve plants. It won't. I don't think it was going, but now I'm going to bat against the tide.
46:20Hmm. I'm just thinking that.
46:23Romesh Ranganathan:Now you're going to bat against the tide. Carpets are a funny thing. you walk across them day after day good luck same feet socks shoes dog poo dog poo carpets take a hell of a beating you never really think about them i guess that's the truth about life it's the things that we walk on the place where we plant our feet the things at the very bottom but sometimes we don't consider it's easy to look up at the ceiling and go well look at that painting. Oh, wow, look at that tiling work. Or look in a mirror and think, God, that's a nice mirror. Seldom do you look down. That's the truth about life.
47:06Maybe that's the best way of seeing how far you've come and how far you've grown is looking down and going, oh, I remember when the floor didn't seem so far away. Before you know it, you're going older and older, taller, and then you grow short again, and then tall again. I don't know how size works. But the truth of it is this. Sometimes it's good to put a barometer, whether it's looking down or looking across, or looking in a mirror and just saying, I've come a long way. Maybe you've just learned a new thing. Maybe you've grown in how you think about things. The truth of the matter is this. We don't give each other enough credit, and we don't give carpet enough credit.
47:42And we don't give ourselves enough credit. So today, when you're out on your journeys, look in a true reflection. Look up at the sky. no more importantly look down on the floor and think huh i used to lay down there on crawl and now i can walk free go easy friends really good thank you really good yeah i mean i had one
48:04Romesh Ranganathan:about plants i had to get rid of the next time i'm on the tube i will look up at the sky um thank you so much blessed thank you for listening and watching the wolf and our podcast like subscribe be a part of the journey be a part of the tribe yeah oh wow that's a really yeah No, that's something they're probably saying, High Rocks, isn't it? Yeah. We definitely haven't come up with that. Next week, it's going to be the Hydrox. Is it Hydrox? No, it's High Rocks. The High Rocks Special with Robert Schrenker, Nathan, Tom Davis, aka The Wolf and Our High Rocks Special coming next week. It's not. There's no High Rocks.
48:35Romesh Ranganathan:Neither of us are going to do High Rocks. Peace out. Poop. Poop.
From the publisher
What does Romesh have in common with Piers Morgan? What offers has Tom been getting in his DMs? Can you guess who Tom’s style icon is?It’s time for another trip on this little rollercoaster that we call the Wolf & Owl, grab a mug (with or without handle), some hayfever tablets and strap in.
Like, subscribe and be a part of the tribe by sending your thoughts and questions to us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media.
Chapters:
00:00 Intro01:01 Style icons03:56 Gladiators & Only Fans06:25 Kissing07:40 Sweet Jon09:11 Going public14:52 Edge Lord16:38 Rough and tumble30:55 Tattoos35:10 Russell Brand and Piers Morgan38:33 Lord Of The Rings40:22 Pollen43:08 Carpet
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