Plastic Surgery, Toilet Drama And Dental Nightmares

22:11it's so tragic arguably more tragic than you watching A Fistful of Dollars with Raisins but yeah I used to

22:17Romesh Ranganathan:so what you do you go I'm just going to go to the pub on my own and then latch on to a group I wouldn't go I'm going to go to the pub on my own I go I'm just going to I was on my own I didn't have a relationship at the time so Tom Tom there's no difference in what we're both saying I didn't go I'm going to go to the pub on my own I was going to just pop down the pub on my own it's the same fucking thing you went to the pub on your own the way I saw it is the bar so fucking honestly tragic

22:45I didn't think this was this tragic until I'm about to say it out loud

22:48Romesh Ranganathan:the most surprising amount of stories that you did not think it was tragic up until now a lot of the time by the way I don't think there's anything tragic about going to the pub no I don't but this is no I don't it's the other stuff it's the stuff that you're doing when you get there no because my thought process was like I know most of the bar staff so I'm never actually on my own I'll always have a chat with them so I'd sort of turn up and, you know, I sort of, by the end, I'd go to the pub every night of the week. I was living on my own at the time or living with a mate and I'd quite often sort of know people's row as I'd pop, is Kev not working tonight?

23:24Hello, mate. Yeah. Oh, you're new here, new face and then try to...

23:31Romesh Ranganathan:I used to take a lot of pride in being a local in a lot of different pubs. I've got to be honest with you, when you initially started to answer, I thought it's sad. Not sad. Pathetic. Not pathetic. But I used to do the thing and say, I'm part of the furniture. But think about it. If we look at it from a caring point of view, you were living on your own. Yeah. You wanted a bit of company. Yeah. You went down to the pub and the staff would like, you know, it's quite sweet. One of my favourite people, what I used to love is the different people you'd meet and drink with. There was a guy called Martin Nopence.

24:02We used to sort of, he was the first person I ever knew that went commando. Like,

24:08Romesh Ranganathan:legitimately, didn't wear any underpants. It's a shame for Martin. So you were good friends with him? I knew him. I knew him well enough. You know this guy, Martin? Yeah. And he has this thing where he doesn't wear any underwear. And he thinks, I wonder what my nickname would be. Commando? Raw Dog? No. Martin No Pants.

24:35Study and play.

24:36Romesh Ranganathan:Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. Marvel Television's Wondermat. an eight-episode series now streaming on Disney+. A superhero remake. Not exactly what we'd expect from an Oscar-winning director.

25:14Action! Simon Williams audition for Wonder Man. I'm gonna need you to sign this, assuming you don't have superpowers.

25:24Romesh Ranganathan:I'll never work again if anyone found out. My lips are sealed. Marvel Television's Wonder Man. All eight episodes now streaming only on Disney+. What else is going on in your life? Well, what else is going on in my life? And I'm slightly nervous to say this because I've got to be honest with you, I think I've come into this in quite a bit. I've just been to the dentist. Yeah, you're a dentist. And I had quite a traumatic episode at the dentist. Like where they were like, you know, if you imagine this is like the side of my mouth, I had to really get in there. Wow, pulling out, yeah. You know when they really like...

26:00Romesh Ranganathan:What is this bit of your mouth? Yeah, and like they're trying to get to the... Yeah, well you've got jowls as well. No, no, I'm just saying, yeah, of course I have. yeah but like you know when they're like really wrenching and trying to get in there so I've had quite and I feel like it's affected my it's made me a bit spiky do you not think yeah of course I had to take a painkiller when I left because I said you're going to feel some residual kind of ache by the way like you had Invisalign done right your teeth look beautiful you still have been you've gone to a dentist you've had so many problems well actually this is not something I've admitted publicly but one of the major problems has been completely of my own doing what's the case so basically this is quite embarrassing actually I had like an issue with my teeth like up here and I needed to have like a crown put on it or whatever and so they had to like you know I've got a problem with going to the dentist yeah hence the general dentist yeah shout out to me so I had like a temporary temporary thing put on yeah and the temporary thing is supposed to last two weeks until the actual crown comes back right and then they fit the actual proper crown so I had the temporary thing put on and then I didn't go back for three years what?

27:11Romesh Ranganathan:you've had that don't they go manky? no they don't go manky but they but what happens is they've like prepared it to be like properly protected they put a temporary thing on there then I've used that like it's a permanent thing and then I made the problem worse oh my god and then they had to so basically the reason I've had to go back is my own doing so is it done now? are you still? mate I've literally just had my last treatment wow I'm just I'm hygienist and nothing baby is that though because the trouble is dental wise I mean your teeth look amazing do you think so yeah they look nice all completely veneered now can you tell veneers yeah I didn't think I thought it was Invisalign no so what you got those horrible little nuts you know they shave the yeah oh they're the worst by the way what I'm just mate I've just had them done my mate's got those and he's three of his front teeth have fallen out and now he can't be bothered to get it done she hasn't got the money these aren't veneers He's just got three nubs where his teeth used to be.

28:07Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, because they have to shave it down, don't they? But he hasn't got the money to repeat. He was doing all right, cracking on through life, had all his teeth done with the nubs. Three of these teeth have fallen out, and now he's really struggling. How close are you with him? We're not close enough on paying for free teeth. Why not? Somebody you know has got nubs. Can I say, by the way, I've already lent him money before and never got it back. I wouldn't call this a loan, then, if that makes you feel better. I'm not paying for his teeth. There's a guy you know who's a mate of yours walking around without front teeth.

28:36Do you know, I've had bits and bobs. You know, it's like losing hair, right? It's actually sort of, it's the maketh of the man. I don't think having missing front teeth

28:46Romesh Ranganathan:is the maketh of the man. No, it's like this one, it's got that one missing. Yeah, that's front. That one. That's front. I mean, you're getting more and more front. It's three fronts. Yeah. Yeah. So, how... I've lent him money, he didn't pay me back. I lent him money three years ago, he never paid me back. And in that time, he had his teeth done. Went to Turkey, had other stuff done. He used to have quite the vibrous lifestyle. And now literally is in a situation where I'm going to lend him more money. Has he asked you for the money? Well, he's hinted at it. Right. What did he say? How did he hint?

29:16Romesh Ranganathan:Well, we've been out. Imagine I'm Tom Davis and you're. Where are we?

29:24Romesh Ranganathan:Let's say we are at the bowling alley. Okay. Bowling alley? Yeah. We've decided to meet up. We wanted to do something different because we keep going out for drink. you don't drink yeah he drinks by the way really his nostril of his teeth well you said it's the veneers thing yeah it's veneers alright fine so we're at the bowling alley ok we're next to each other on the thing and like I don't know oh Tom nice strike you're the best bowler I've ever seen thanks man thanks folks yeah yeah nice one you're looking good as well looking nice thanks man appreciate it thanks so much like it's you know it's in a world where things get more and more difficult you can only hope that your sartorial kind of influence can help make things a little bit happier for people.

30:08Romesh Ranganathan:You know, often I will be walking along the road and like someone will see me in a new jacket or something and I think, do you know what? I've made their day a little bit better. So a lot of people consider sort of dressing well a thing that affects you, but I often consider it something that affects everyone around you. You know, sometimes you might walk into a sandwich shop and somebody sees you walk past and they go, do you know what? I came in here for a little bit of crust. now I've got myself a little bit of self-esteem. Thanks to that fellow right there. Do you know what? I feel I might buy myself a jacket like that and I might feel better about myself.

30:38Romesh Ranganathan:So in many ways, you consider it me attiring myself with the vestments of somebody that's successful. But actually what I'm doing is enabling other people to be more successful in their own existences. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I was thinking. To cut a long story short. By the way, while you were talking, I went and got us a couple of drinks. I didn't miss hearing everything that you said. Wow, that's incredibly rude. Oh, God, it's going to be so painful drinking this ice-cold Coca-Cola with three teeth missing. Do you need a straw? No, no, no, no, no. It should be fine. Stupid teeth. What was I even thinking?

31:13Yeah, why did you get veneers, mate? Well, I don't know. You'd probably be able to put it better than me because you're brighter and more intelligent. But, um...

31:28What made you get veneers? We remember how bad my teeth used to be. No. Well, they were terrible. Right. Yeah. I didn't have a toothbrush until I was 14. And then basically I just had no confidence. Great birthday that, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Actually, it wasn't my birthday. It was when my dad got out of prison.

31:46Romesh Ranganathan:When your dad got out of prison, he bought you a toothbrush? No, it was the only thing he brought back from prison. Okay, where do you think that had been? I'm not sure, but one end of it was really sharp. The other end smelled like someone's anus, I imagine.

32:02Yeah, weirdly so, actually. Yeah, so, but they say you'll never get those first years of cleaning your teeth back. I don't know if I'm holding this glass. And, yeah, so my teeth were, they never stood a chance, really. So, and then I got those veneers down

32:16Romesh Ranganathan:and felt really good about myself. Yeah, I can imagine you'd know, great veneers. I mean, I did say to you, they've got to take some of the enamel down and there's a health repercussion to that. And I often say to people, you know, So vanity be your master. Can I borrow a thousand pounds to have my teeth re-done? Can I borrow a thousand pounds to have my teeth re-done, please? Well, listen, I'll tell you this. You know, we struggle. We toil. I don't know if I ever mentioned it. I don't know if I mentioned it this afternoon. I certainly do talk about it all the time. But I used to be a scaffolder.

32:48Romesh Ranganathan:And used to work on a site.

32:54Romesh Ranganathan:Is that how much chicken it'll cost? I mean, he said it was a beer grand, yeah. He was telling someone else. How close are you to giving him that money? I'm not close. Genuinely, I lent him money before. Yeah. Because he was in a bit of a dire strait. He was going for a bit of a tough time. I lent him money. We spoke. I'm like, here we go. And this is a loan. Do you know what I mean? I've got enough money, I can just freely give it to people. Yeah, sure. And then when he was doing really well for himself, I'd be out of him and he'd be buying drinks and he'd be in. And did you ever mention it at that point?

33:23But then it's awkward, isn't it? He's in designer clothes, head to toe, driving a brand new motor. So it's awkward then to just turn around and go, oh, what have you? So it was sort of very, he was very frivolous with his money.

33:33Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I'm sorry about that, mate. Yeah, well, that is what it is. But now, you know, it's maybe a metaphor for life. In what way? Well, like, don't always... It's the grasshopper and the ant, isn't it? Is it teeth? What? The ant's missing some teeth. No, but isn't the thing where, like, isn't the story of the grasshopper and the ant? Can we look up the grasshopper and the ant, please? It's like, do you know Aesop's Fables? No. What's Aesop's Fables? You are so theatry these days. I'm not theatry. Aesop's Fables is like... Right, what's the grasshopper and the ant? The ant and the grasshopper. There you go.

34:08Romesh Ranganathan:The famous describes how a hungry grasshopper begs for food from an ant when winter comes and is refused. I've not really gone into the whole story. Anyway, one of them works through the... One of them stores food during the summer, and the grasshopper's fucking around. Yeah. And the ant's like picking up stuff and putting it in like a store and the grasshopper's going, oh, you sad little c***. Like, why don't you just enjoy yourself? Yeah. The ant's going to just put some stuff together and then the grasshopper's going, fucking dickhead. Yeah. And then it gets to winter. And he's got no. Ant's got shit loads of stuff.

34:41Romesh Ranganathan:You're the ant. Yeah. Proudly so. And your mate's the grasshopper. I was also, by the way, the grasshopper before in my life. So. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm not in a situation now giving this guy money. No. but you could do you're doing really well I'm not doing well enough that I can stop paying you know you've got a nice house do you know what happened you're so worried that I was going to like pull out your tax return or something you fucking knocked the statue you've been in films you're in sitcoms this is doing alright as you can tell that didn't come cheap right yeah you're on tour but also we don't know about 80 days if I'm going to lend someone money and help them out it's going to be someone I look and go, oh, you know what?

35:23They'd look after me if I went through a tough time. Well, I don't think that's the way you should give. Really? So you don't think that if I look at it and go, okay, I've given this guy money. He didn't look after me. He's fritted it away. He's fritted it away. Also fritted a lot of other money away. And then I'm going to go back in and give him more money. And then when he does well again, which inevitably he will. He's one of those people who very much, he's a rollercoaster kind of guy. He's a Ronan Keaton. He's up and down. right he's not going to then go when he's got his new teeth he's not going to go I remember every time I look in the mirror I go actually it was Tommy who sort me out of these

35:59Romesh Ranganathan:that's not the reason you do it the reason you do it is to repair his teeth no but also yeah but you do that once and then if you lend someone money if I went here we go here's this this is a gift from me to you or if he went can you give this to me can I have this and I went there we go but he was like I'll sort you out when I've got it I'll sort you out and then always when you're out to see them showing off and then never once go, oh, I've got you for that thing. I won't forget that. I don't do it for that, but I do find it's a thing of... No, no, no judgment here. But I get it. If the guy doesn't thank you or whatever.

36:36Romesh Ranganathan:It's not thanking me. It's the fact that he's not... He's not remembering it. No, I get it. He's not remembering. He's not paying it back. He's not going, oh, here, by the way, you've just had a kid. No, I get it. And I'm like, not necessarily at the time doing that well for myself. It's ups and downs this game, baby. No, I get it. I get it. That's fine. Yeah, well, it's about that time, Tom, for you to get into the... Actually, before we do get into... I'm really sorry to do this, but before we do get into this, we digress from what I wanted to talk about. Yeah, okay. You're wearing jeans. Yeah.

37:11Romesh Ranganathan:I can't think of the last time... I know I've seen you wear jeans before. This style of jean, I don't think I've ever seen you wear. Can you talk me through it, please? I saw Jacob Elordi in a pair. I really liked what he was doing with them. Jacob Elordi's become my new guru. He's a big guy. He's tall. Yeah. I look at him. Where did you see him wearing these jeans? I think it was somewhere on. What are these jeans? What make? No, no. What is the style? What do you call this? I think it's like a boyfriend cut type thing.

37:44I think it's something like that.

37:45Romesh Ranganathan:A boyfriend cut? Yeah. Yeah. And what's the, is that like, what is that wash? It's like, this is a, like an acid wash, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I was wondering, but then I didn't want to embarrass myself by saying that. That's acid wash, right? Yeah. Yeah. What's your, what's your real feeling? Do you think I'm too old for jeans? No, of course you're not too old for jeans. 60 year olds love jeans, don't they? Yeah. But I think, no, I think it's good. My question to you is this, you're a bit of a clothes horse. I love my clothes. Yeah, you love your clothes and you always look good. today included and go on but like do you get so for example you must have known this is a bit of a different gene for you yeah was there any Catherine hates them she's not a fan what did she say she just was like oh my god if I put these on and we were going out for a date or we were going out for a bit of lunch she would let you wear them she'd go you're not wearing those why what's her issue with them she doesn't vibe with them whereas I quite like them and also I've always liked to pick up a little piece where you just go oh this is a bit different yeah but is there then any nerves when you wear them out like when you came here today oh in what sense are people laughing not laughing I'm not saying laughing you know when you wear something a bit different I've always worn stuff that's like back in the day I remember buying a pair of leather trousers I think I've talked about this on here before I got coerced into wearing I was in Sutton in a place called Times Square they used to have a clothes shop there and this guy it's hilarious to me that Sutton's got a Times Square but anyway he was called Slick and he used to run a I can't remember but he used to run this cool clothes shop is that the one just down from the Empire State Building and look at this guy and he and he had these like faux leather trousers right in my size pleather pleather yeah and he went these would be oh he's like basically I went in for a pair of jeans and he was like oh no these would be great for you you look amazing in these you look sick in these man and i was like oh serious and he so i tried them on and i wasn't sure they were quite tight pleather um and him and his the guy who works i think it was called ferraz they they he was called ferraz and they were like oh mate you look the bollocks bruv you're gonna fucking smash it where you go tonight i was like bro walking and croydon they're like oh mate they're literally like and they were like 60 quid and i was like So I brought them.

40:09You remember those Versace sort of black T-shirts? Fucking hell. They sold me one of those as well. Do you think what that look is? I think it's a c*** look. It's sort of like... If you're turning up to Blue Orchid in 1998. So you wore them. What shoes were you in? Probably a pair of Patrick Cox wannabes.

40:36Romesh Ranganathan:Oh my God. with leather trousers yeah okay go on so then what what was the reaction can I just say everyone else in my air and probably yours as well pretty much there was a uniform back then 501s like a smart shirt yeah like a smart shirt usually quite big fitting yeah maybe a Harrington yeah Patrick Cox wannabes or Reebok Classics little Sprayershoop yeah so it was a big big move and yeah I remember turning up we all I can't remember the bar we used to go into before You're turning up to meet your mates for the first time in leather trousers. Jesus, you have to give yourself a fucking pep talk in the mirror before you get out there.

41:14No, but I turned out thinking, because I'm so influenced by what other people think. Yeah, you're drunk off the compliments you've got in the shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't wait to get them on. Yeah. And I remember getting off the train at West Groydon and people were like wolf whistling. Walking past a group of, I mean, I'm 17, 18 at the time. we could pass a group of that sort of proper geezers and go where are you going babe did any alarm bells start ringing at that point no but I I used to think my head just oh they're just you know jealous jealous or like oh yeah they're just having a banner I've been teased all my life I bet they haven't got 60 quid for a period of interest I also just thought that someone you know I remember being do you know actually they were I remember rinsed by a group of girls in a kebab shop after with them on it was yeah

42:04Romesh Ranganathan:kebab shop after is when you often I got rinsed yeah I told you back when I wore the bandana yeah oh shit of course nice tea towel yeah yeah yeah it's a real it's a real place if you want your ego it's a level up yeah and also they've often got like it's all mirror yeah so often it's like two o 'clock in the morning and then you see what you've actually looked like I forgot I've never like I was dancing quite seriously I remember getting a really really sweaty bum oh man this is so in the trousers yeah I was like sweating everything sweating it's disgusting so the sweat on my bum was like so bad I had to go and get some napkins to give yourself like a courtesy wipe no you just put them between my bum cheeks so the sweat oh my god you put napkins between your bum cheeks it was like a mop up thing yeah so so it wouldn't be so sweaty but I don't understand why you needed to do that I mean only you were getting really sweaty but what effect my pants were wet right through nearly okay because I was dancing right and then I put but then I was like it's quite uncomfortable with your butt I'm trying to think the 17 year old you with a black Versace t-shirt clever trousers wallabies sweating his arse off just absolutely going for it like sweet light chocolate da da da da da I'll bring you flowers I used to think because also by the way what's insane at that time is we didn't have camera phones so I used to really give it sometimes on the dance floor yeah those were the good ideas by the way that's a really good observation those were the good ideas you could dance however you wanted but no one videoed you and then just showed you oh my god have you seen you like that I could see people sometimes sort of staring nobody like videos you when you're having a nice night and you think you look good dancing and then they show you the video then everyone starts laughing and then you go I'm going to go home and they go don't go home Rom and you go sorry you go don't go home mate and you go yeah you know what I'm talking about yeah so anyway where did you get the napkins from from the bar right so you said can I have some napkins yeah and also like I had to and then I've and what they wouldn't have done is thought you've spilled anything they've just looked at you and go he's got a sweaty ass crack also I want to go in the toilet and put them in yeah because I do you ever go to the blocker back in that day yeah yeah once or twice yeah the toilets were quite sort of savage do you know i mean and also so i didn't want anyone thinking i was just sticking stuff up my bum yeah um so i uh i just found a dark little corner and did it just subtly in the corner of the club i just did it cut quickly like slip in and then how did you feel after that well to be fair it wasn't a great it was one of the worst inventions i've ever made because the truth is i mean i don't think the word invention has been misused to that level in the history of language well the truth of it is the it had the opposite effect that I desired well the napkins started sweating yeah fucking hell it's hot down no the napkins then became quite drenched yeah of course and but also very much like it became almost I ended up basically with sort of like saws and like a bit of a nappy rasher on my bum it was quite a yeah it was quite yeah having to go in like that morning like the morning sort of on the monday morning that goes sort of like go to work and get some nappy rash cream imagine if you'd taken someone home that night you know the only thing i'd say is that was never on the fucking that was sort of like dancing around you can't reason with the sun trust us we've tried this summer it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute columbia's omni-shade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin the sun is relentless but so is our gear level up your summer at columbia.com to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion you're welcome columbia engineered for whatever in michigan you can feel the energy everywhere in the fresh breeze of a riverfront stroll or nightlife that hums with electricity Let it bring you together in pure Michigan.

46:26Find your season at michigan.org.

46:30Romesh Ranganathan:Right, Tommy D, can you do us the honours of taking us out, please? Okay. An egg falls on the floor. Smash, crash. Pick it up, John. Put it in the bin. Don't worry about it. But what was this egg meant to be? What should it have been? Fried on someone's plate. whisk carefully for a little bit of sugar and flour. That's a lovely cake, Melika. Thanks. I like cupcakes too. Truth is, some things are cut down in their prime before they reach the things that they're meant to be. Eggs, cats, dogs, people. It's really, really hard to look down upon the egg and not feel sad. Truth is, fulfillment is everything.

47:15But what about this? What about the journey the egg went on? to get to that floor. Maybe that was his moment. Maybe the truth was that this egg had to hit the ground just for John or whoever else to be careful with other eggs, to seal their fate. Sometimes in life, the things that we wish we could be aren't actually the things that we should be at all. So today, when you're walking around and listening to this podcast, or even watching it, think to yourself, am I doing the thing I should be? that I'm destined to do? Or am I just an egg on the floor looking up at a guy wondering what could it be?

47:58Romesh Ranganathan:It's a really beautiful message and also a deep insight into our different perspectives because what could the egg have been? Could it have been a cake? Could it have been a pancake? And not one second did you think it could have been a chicken.

48:16Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, it could have gone on to lead a life. Thank you so much. Almost the same ending. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Tom. Thank you so much, everybody, for watching and listening to The Wolf for now. We'll see you next time. Namaste. Peace. Peace.