S4 Ep 41: Auditions & Am I The A**hole

0:03Yo, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last request to steady your nerves Them podcaster body parts get severed and serped Bring your weak shit where the wolf and owl are That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear is a huff a puff and a...

0:35Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping impressive innit the death bringing its head spinning just kidding every word in this song is about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog hello and welcome to the world friends we're trying to podcast keep the energy out keep the energy out oh hold up wait there input's gotta be on Yeti innit oh fuck me I've just done a fucking R &B song you prick no no we can keep going but yeah I'm just I'm changing that input microphone output headphones it's like I tell you every week for years and every week you log in and you don't know I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your ears this might be the last time just remember inputs microphone I remember outputs headphones why must I tell you every week sometimes I wonder why I bother to speak Cause I'm dumb, cause I'm dumb And I'm young And I'm full of aspiration You're dumb, you're old And there's no cum left Anyway, lovely to be here on The Wolf for Now Once again, run tell your friend How the hell are you, Tom?

2:13Heck of rude, you know what? In my head, this could be maybe one of the last podcasts that this this laptop does i'm very emotional i'm saying it yeah laptop is on its way out well i've got exciting news actually speaking of which i'm going to show you this now not that this is a promotional item oh no laptop it hasn't been bothered to set it up yet correct do you feel emotional about like i know it's only a like it's only a sort of like inanimate objects essentially to Mac but do you think like you know you've done some writing on there that's probably mean something to you you've had moments on that Mac when you say is it like when you say compared to a car or are you just gonna throw it yeah throw it aimlessly to the side or give it to Theo that's probably not going to be muck that you've got on it I've not got any muck there's no muck on it you can search it top to bottom if you like that's what I said to the police but um no there is I'm going to give it to one of the kids So then they're kind of discussing which one wants it.

3:16But no, I don't feel any emotional attachment at all, really. I mean, look, I've written a lot of stuff on here. Hustle was written on here. Not that I really use a laptop, but I had to transcribe it for various reasons. And then, what a boring thing to say. I had to transcribe it for various reasons. I'm surprised you didn't pull me up on that. No, no, no. I knew you were embarrassing yourself. Yeah, no, thank you for that. Thank you. I think sometimes if the person you're talking to, you can see in their eyes that they're chastising themselves for talking shit. You shouldn't double down on it.

3:48Yeah. Avoidance is written on here. Romantic getaway written on here. Some good times on that. Yeah. Supercharged with mediocrity, actually. I think they said that's one of the problems. That's why the battery life is coming down. It's sometimes when enough shit gets typed in, the actual laptop starts to lose the will to continue giving you charge. And sometimes when the apps are failing, basically it's a lot to go do you really want to open Final Draft again and check out another one of your loads of bollocks

4:22just weaselly just going come on man just give it up man listen do you know what I'd love you to be opening up a teaching app that's something you should be thinking about maybe moving back into just steaming the right hand side of your the menu bar at the bottom just pinging up play a game play a game do something how about this I'm going to bring up YouTube maybe watch some comedies that are worthy of respect and hopefully that'll give you a bit of inspiration huh come on mate come on mate he's probably been talking to the other just going you've got no idea mate I know you're excited about what's going to be created it'll only be him sort of just setting up zooms to talk to his stupid mate and then he's going and then he's going to click on his The interesting bit is the emails that other people send.

5:14He's going to open up a final draft. He's going to crack his knuckles like he's about to do something amazing. You'll be all excited. It'll be the same old one-dimensional route one shtick he always types in.

5:29The new laptop on the shelf just going, oh, this looks interesting. Yeah. Comedy writer. Yeah, this is not what I was expecting to get sent into when those little kids put me together.

5:46anyway tom it's difficult to ask you how you are because uh it's not difficult to ask you how you it's very very easy actually but um i know how you are because we've seen more of each other in the last week than we have in eons yeah yes i love the word eons yeah i literally flipped into my brain there as i was finishing the sentence beautiful descriptive noun of uh word of uh of years or ages. Yeah. Nouns aren't descriptive. It's a teachable moment here.

6:16You're thinking of adjectives. Very much in keeping in with the podcast. Yeah. Eons is beautiful. Also, isn't it a name, Eon? Eon? Yeah. I swear. This is so sad. Have you spent this whole time thinking his name's Eon Musk? No. No, not obviously you hit that guy. but yeah i swear there's eon's a name yeah yeah there's like an eon queen or an eon mcdermott out there somewhere i think i think you might be thinking of ewan i'm just going to look this up because i've chastised you in the past um in fact actually somebody got speaking of it somebody had a go at me about how much i have a go at you an eon oh no it refers to the james bond production company eon productions or a large european energy company eon so is that what you mean are you good friends with the energy company or the james bond production company or james bond production company can give me a shout if they need the new jaws that's for sure um i think you'd be an unbelievable unbelievable um james bond villain i'd love to be a james bond oh my god could you do i really want to manifest that shit you should it doesn't matter do you okay let's just get into this now do you genuinely believe that manifesting works you know what i think about manifesting right it's better to think about positively thinking about saying no it's happening and thinking about shit happening correct like like i usually sit in the corner of catastrophizing like why would they pick me all the different people that they could pick why would i even be in the running whereas now i'm trying to be more positive with how i think of things things going well you know what a lot of the sort of actors who could play jaws have already been in bond so slim pickings yeah i told you about the did i tell you about the um audition thing we got recently that's it have i told this about the i can't name the movie but it was quite a big film and uh they basically got in touch and they were like there's a part that we think could be good for Tom and I was like wow this is this is big big big film this isn't like I sort of shake him when I open the email at the size of the thing read the part really fun part multi-layered I was like fucking oh this is incredible um I go and uh I have a chat with um uh someone from the casting department and they were like uh okay before you get too excited um And this is very much, we like you for this.

8:50We think you could be great for this. But there's offers out on this part. So we need you to know that we're going out to DeBatista, Jason Mamar. We're looking at potentially a guy from the WWE who hasn't done any acting before, but we like him. We think he has an energy. They've basically subsequently reeled off about 17 or 18 names of different big guys around the globe. and then we were like you know so we got some offers out there's some people interested some people reading it but if these people aren't you know into it we'd love to see a tape I'm sorry it feels like a weird time to contact you to demonstrate interest doesn't it yeah at the moment the industry is in a very strange place so like if these people don't want to do it would you be interested in getting involved it's just it's um it's it's a real telling uh you know no disrespect to this to this film and and the people that are making it or whatever but it's a it's sometimes it's really telling how people are willing to treat you when they can i mean it's such a i mean listen it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody but it's a weird thing to say to you to list you all the names that are ahead of you in the thing you have to be you have to be they have to trust And by the way, in reality, there's nothing wrong with that, I guess.

10:16You know, if you take away your personal ego and your attachment to how well you think you can do the job, because we both know you would have been, if you get it or where, I don't know what the state of mind is. Oh, no, no, it's not good. It's definitely gone away. So someone else has taken up that. You'd be brilliant at it. We know that, right? Because you're supremely talented. If you put that to one side, it makes sense. you know sometimes when you sort of uh like when you when you sort of see that these dead listing these names it makes sense right i mean dave batista sure of course they're going to go incredible it makes sense it makes sense but they have to be pretty sure that you're in the sort of you're in the sort of mental position or whatever to not be really upset by that right i would say firstly i'd say when i came on i was very very enthusiastic as i as you mean you know is my what I am.

11:08Big surprise. Big surprise. I'm really excited about it. And that's before you knew it was about the movie, right? You just thought there was a random Zoom that you clicked on. It's a happy chance that you'd managed to actually speak to someone. If I could send a Zoom on my email, I'd jump in and I'd enter whatever Zoom. It could be a business meeting. If you ever find Tom's email address, just send him a Zoom. He'll ping on there like he's being cast as the new Black Panther. So that, you know, just... It could be for anything. Yeah. And it'll be that news essay, it. By the way, you think to yourself, surely Tom wouldn't be enthusiastic about being cast as a new Black Panther, the backlash would be enormous.

11:43No, Tom would still be absolutely David Wright And it doesn't have to be a casting for anything. It could be anything. Yeah, it could be just talking about it could be somebody that's seen Black Panther and wants to just talk to you about it. Tom Hanks I would enter that with the same energy as someone who's just found out that they've won the lottery and got engaged on the same day. And that their wife to be is ask them to marry them um i think i think so i came on something very very enthusiastic very chatty um and i think that they're i think i think i don't think they necessarily meant i personally don't think they were being harsh or mean i just think they were trying to manage expectations but here's a way to manage expectations don't contact you yet yeah yeah yeah you know that that's that's that's a really good way of i have a stupid I realized, by the way, look, so this movie was shooting in another country quite a lot away from here.

12:38I started asking questions about the country and sort of like asking about accommodation time. Oh, no. Whereabouts would it be in this country? I haven't been there. I've read, sort of said I'd read about it a bit. And I think, so I think there's an element of like, hey, buddy, you're a good guy. You seem like a sweet kid. but even though you're 20 years older than me, it feels okay to call you a kid. Tom, tell me, just before we get into this, have you heard of Google?

13:12Are you aware of that as a thing? Do they have that in the UK? Just to look up stuff? The thing is, mate, I just got really excited. I don't want to hear from first day what a place that might be good. What would you say? I'm obviously really excited to get involved in the project. Yeah, I need to tell you, Tom, Tom, Tom, you're not involved yet. This is really just a precursor. Well, let me just stop you there, my sweet, sweet soul. What I would say is even by dint of the fact... Okay, sweet, sweet soul, I find you being condescending there. Even by dint of the fact that I'm on this Zoom discussion, it means that I'm involved in the project in a small way.

13:48Very much a favour to your agent, who's my cousin in the UK. I know it's shooting in Thailand. My question is, where'd you get the best Pad Thai? I bloody love Pad Thai. All the little noodley noodles sitting in my tummy. Where do you think? Where do you think? On the first date, hold on a second. Maybe you go to Phuket on your own and you try some of this. Me and my friends call it Fuck It. Yeah, your agent told me that you are a fucking idiot. Okay, Tom, Tom, Tom. A Phuket idiot. Is that how you pronounce it? A Phuket idiot. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Tom, I need to level with you on this. Tom, okay, listen.

14:29I'm just really, honestly, can I just say? We like you. I know, can I just stop you? I know we've only just started talking. You are one of my favorite people I've ever interacted with. Yeah, okay. Okay, with that as a cursor, with that in mind, I need to tell you. You and I should go. You and I should get a pad thai. We could call it lad thai. That's very good. What I need to tell you, Tom, is you're very much on the reserve part of the list for this part. Okay? I don't want you to get your hopes up. Will you actually say, but let me just properly conjugate and commemorate what you're saying to me, what you're throwing down.

15:09Neither of those words work in this scenario. So I'm assuming there'll be... Hey, Colette, this is going to run. Colette, this is running. When you say reserve, I assume there'll be a bench flowing out to Thailand. You're not on the bench. Okay. Well, reserve. Do I break this down? Reserve. Are you a sports fan, Tom? Are you a sports fan, Tom? A sports fan. A sports fan. Do you like sport? Sport? Yeah, of course. Come on, you irons. Yeah, okay. I'm guessing that's a soccer team. Yeah, okay, Tom, Tom. So if you will think about it as a sports team, and you have your first starting 11 in soccer, or you have your five in basketball, and then you have the bench, you would be somebody who's hoping to get on the bench.

15:59No, no, no, no, no, you're not on the bench. Under no scenario, I don't want you to get carried away. Tom, you're not on the bench. You're in the changing room hoping to get on the bench. Okay? Scenario-wise. Do you know what happens before the bench? They get changed. You're not getting changed. At the moment, I don't want you to get this dizzy. You've not even got a kit. There's no, you know, but there's a chance to... Who do I speak to to get a kit then? What we're saying to you is at some point... Should I get my agent to email about a kit then? Say if 18 other players... I can buy my own kit.

16:36I'll bring my own kit. No, no, no, no, no. If 18 other players get in... I've got loads of clothes. I love crafts. Ask anybody. Tom, look, I need to tell you, and I don't want you to be upset by this. This is very much a favor. Your agent has told me that you were getting quite down about the industry. I know that this might make it worse, but this is very much a call to say, we know who you are. We understand that you are an actor. But at the moment, there's 18 other actors who we're going to go out to. And if those other 18 don't want to take the part, there'll be another list, and you should be on that list.

17:13Okay? That's what I'm saying here. Okay? I've got to be honest with you. I can't... I cannot actually believe this. And Tom, can I say as well, if you're doing a Zoom like this, wear a top. You should be wearing a shirt. To do this topless is a big move. So what you're saying is, if I can just summarize what you're saying, you know I'm an actor.

17:45thank you thank you so much you sweet sweet soul that's what you're going to take from this that's great okay that's i like a positive attitude so we should be in touch i've got a very can-do attitude i think i can do everything like you know yeah you tell me about something for 10 minutes i believe you know what tom tom you know what you can do right now end the zoom because at the moment you're you're trickling down that list and there's a chance that Uh, okay. Um, it was fun. Fun, fun. It was fun, yeah. I didn't, I sort of felt like, uh, it lost a bit of steam towards the end there. Well, JT will make some slips if they need it.

18:19Um, yeah, so that was, that's a very, yeah, that's how I felt with that vibe. Yeah, I don't even know how, why did we start talking about that in the first place? I can't even remember now. As is our way.

18:40Oh, we're talking about manifestation. Oh, yeah. Do you believe manifestation works? Yeah, but I think it's just good to be positive rather than negative in life, right? Trying to go forward. I do think it's okay to be positive, but I do think there's a downside to being positive if you might allow me a little bit of space to discuss. Preach, my brother. Preach. Well... My solid helmet. Preach. Well, in my opinion, the problem with being positive is that you require things to go well in order for you to fuel that kind of energy do you know what I mean and so so there is a certain argument that being positive means that if you're in it you will have noticed like I mean this is just what I'm doing from my experience but you know it's like if you're in a negative mood then you feel like everything's against you and then it's confirmation bias you start looking for the negative things whereas if you're positive you start being you know you start looking for the positive things the problem is is like if you're feeling really positive and then you don't get something, then that is, then that leads to disappointment.

19:38I think the key, and I've not mastered this yet, but I think the key is to accept whatever outcomes as equal, you know, as equally okay for your life. Do you know what I mean? So if you're going for something and you really, really want it, if you get it, that's great. If you don't get it, that is also great. You know, you have to try and find a way where unaffected by these things in my opinion i and i haven't managed it but i think that's probably the way to true that's the way to true enlightenment find yeah and really i think so yeah see i i i think it's just like pick yourself up dust yourself down going for another round yeah if you're a boxer who's had the kicked out of seven rounds you gotta think there's five rounds left i've only got to land a punch yeah but you'll still lose though won't you if you just land a punch you know but not if that punch not yeah so what i'm saying is it yeah sure if if a punch yeah but if then the punch doesn't knock the guy out then you're feeling like you failed but you haven't but then you go hold up hold up there's a way i can get through his guard right there you go yeah yeah yeah yeah but then if you then still my point is if you still then gone to lose the fight i my argument is you've got to find a way that you can still be content regardless of that a little bit like dave allen you know mate can i say dave allen by the way i just adore dave allen well the reason i mentioned him is well partly because he brought up the boxing but also i heard him give like such a an honest appraisal of almost uh too self-deprecating about his performance and you know his performance in the ring or whatever he's did you watch the fight i watched the highlights yeah it's incredible that he just he kept some going forward and going forward and And, you know, he lost the fight, as he said.

21:22But he is like, I don't know if you know too much about his past and everything, but he's just a very honest soul within the world of sport. You know, he wears all his past, you know, very openly. And I think that's actually quite an incredible thing. I mean, look. He was really good. You know, he was at school with Lewis Tomlinson. Was he really? They were really good friends. surrounding the same crowd. I mean, I can imagine that was quite a cool group of lads to be in with. A bit like my group of lads when I was at Hazelwick. I think it's good to be honest about what's going on, whether it be, I don't know, in a boxing ring or underselling your Dublin show.

22:07I don't think there's anything wrong in just being open. Yeah, I think you're being earnest. By the time this goes out, we've currently not done the Dublin show. By the time this goes out, we will have done the Dublin show. Can I just say, what a show. Thank you so much to all of you for coming out. Thank you to Ashton B. To the 27 people that were there. Thank you to Ashton B for joining us. And to get a nine-minute standing ovation, I felt like I was in Cannes. It was unbelievable. I'm slightly... Dublin is very hard to... We had two incredible shows that were so great. The Hackney Empire. thank you so much oh by the way while we're talking about Hackney Empire just I don't want to bring the mood down but there was there's a somebody at our show and I'm not going to go into details but they got in touch they had a horrible they basically had a bit of a horrible experience as a result of somebody else that had too much to drink and was just being a bit of a horrible bastard was just something to do with what happened at the end yeah and can I just say first of all I want to give my biggest apologies to that person who you should be able to come to a show and it's absolutely fine um the other person um have a like have a long hard look at yourself man like i don't know what the you're thinking but it's just it was horrible but look i i just wanted to get that out there because i don't want to i had a lot of people message i don't know about you but message about the what happened at the end of um wednesday's show it was it was a very strange i mean i i've weirdly had that in stand-up where that's happened but it was a bit of a blight at the end of one being two amazing nights and it's the old adage it only takes one prick to ruin a fate so to speak what a horrible analogy that is by the way

24:02but anyway thank you so much to everyone that came to the Hackney Empire shows they were great we don't know Dublin might be sold out we might walk into a sold out room. Yeah, I don't know if that's going to, I think it's going to be a struggle to happen. But, a shout out to Aisling B for being, as you said, being involved. Sweet, sweet Aisling. I mean, it's what I'm finding incredible actually is somebody that's just been spouting forth on the merits of being positive. Since we start talking about our own experience you've sort of become one of the most, your shoulders have dropped, your head's dropped, your voice tone has changed.

24:37It's really horrible to watch. I've got to say that whenever I think about, oh look, I have slight PTSD on the basis that I have this with me and you have joked about this before when I last toured Ireland I had this exact scenario with Dublin I've been here I love Dublin it's very much a place as me as I've talked openly about I see as you know the land of my forefathers I adore the Irish people I think maybe again it might be me being a little bit begging like a Jack Russell running to someone's back door. Yeah. Sort of like scratching on the door. An owner who'd forgotten about me potentially.

25:13But, but look, we're very grateful to the people that came and we're so glad it sold out. It was amazing. It's like, we thought it wasn't going to sell well and ended up selling out. It's incredible. Now, Tom, I'd love to, before we get into emails, Yeah. I'd love to explore something with you, if you might let me. Go on, my darling friend. My sweet achievement. bear with me one second my sweet achievement yeah so um i so there's i i know there's a tv show coming out about this but when i was awake because i just announced um this show that this this show for prime video when we're away filming this thing um we got into me and you know lindsey costume lindsey yeah because that's not a film um but anyway lindsey kit and uh aiden who As we know, against previous insinuations, you like.

26:12I do, I do. Yeah, yeah. Delicious prospect. We started talking about Am I the Arsehole, which is where people sort of send in scenarios and say, am I the prick in this situation? All right, so I'd love to give you a couple of these, Tom, and see what you think, all right? And if anybody listening from the animal pack has got any of these, we'd love some of these, actually. Well, depending on how this goes, this might go shit. Okay, ready? So imagine JT had put together a jingle. Yeah. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? Okay. I'm finally getting married in two months' time, after a year of planning, and everything has been going to plan so far with no hiccups.

26:54That was until my mother called me earlier in the week to ask me to postpone my wedding by at least a month. My sister is currently pregnant. Her due date is July the 17th. my sister asked my mother to be there for her for the whole of July since the due date is just an estimate and this is her first baby long story short the father of her child is my ex-boyfriend whom she was sleeping with while we were dating I'm not willing to postpone my wedding for my sister and I told my mother that and also that she just simply needed to choose who she wanted to support she's been fence-sitting and that's why we're here she said I'm forcing her to make an impossible decision and my aunts are also trying to convince me to postpone don't get me wrong i know she's also mum's child and wants to be there for her but i want her there for me and i've already waited a year for this and everything is already planned am i the asshole tom what do you think in that situation please no no no no no see this person isn't the asshole i mean if anything this person feels like they've absolutely had a a rough or rye through life the mother um who so the sister was sleeping with the person's sister's having the boyfriend the baby with the sister sleeping with her boyfriend while they were together yeah I mean it feels like they've papered over those cracks which I think will lead to further sort of sort of rough water down the road I also think like isn't it strange that like the mum would even like I don't know not that the the sister who's done this should be ostracised and thrown from the village no but it is I don't think anybody suggests that she should be thrown from the village no but it's a quite a scandalous thing to do, isn't it?

28:33Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You think there'd be a little bit of, you know, maybe give her a week where she's got like a week window for the baby and then you're like, look, you know, Claire, what you did to Claire was disgusting and Claire, you know, moved on from, from the, the kicking that, you know, you and Aiden gave her. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Why have you gone for Aiden there as a name? Because we were just talking about Aiden's fabulous. Aiden's in the back of my head. but it just feels like and unfortunately this guy's called Aidan Deliver okay she's like Aidan Deliver and you know Claire Deliver we know that I mean a ridiculous name Claire and obviously that he's you know he's had an affair with your sister Sue but Sue and Aidan are happy now but so I've given them a week's window to have the baby in and then you can get married any of the other three weeks but I think that more people should be there for Claire because I think she sounds like she's had a real I don't know who Claire is tough time Claire's Claire's Claire's the woman who's getting married okay Aidan and Sue are the scumbags who cheated on her well you know it's very easy to say that isn't it we don't know the circumstances do we well in what sense I think it's I think we don't look I think it's situation wise I don't think there's a more affair wise for a sister to sleep with someone's boyfriend is a pretty horrible situation to find yourself in.

30:02What I'm saying is there could be supporting information that might make that not seem as bad as it actually is. As a judge, I can't see it. I know, but I'm just saying you're assuming, and what does assuming do? It makes an ass of you and me, doesn't it? Yeah, but you can say that. That's one of those stupid... But we're in a court of law at the moment. We're not in a court of law. Assumption is all I have. I have to deal with the facts and the case that I have. That is that Claire was cheated on by Sue and Aidan, a scandalous pair of harlots right Claire has managed to drag herself up from this heartbreak alongside by the way let me say she's in one lane and she's found true love on the flip side looking to her right she's got Aidan and Claire Sue just getting on very very happy with themselves and just flying through and now they're having a baby they're probably going to get married doubt that Claire's going to be involved so what I'm saying is at the moment we have to look at what we have the facts that we have on paper I didn't realise we were in a court.

30:58I think the most disgusting prick in this is Aidan. I think he's a horrible man. I think that Sue needs to have a cold, hard look at herself. And I think the mother is also awful because she thinks she's playing her daughters off against each other and actually needs to look at your kids as equals, not as pillars that you could be propped up by because your own life is shambolic. I think that Claire is a saint. Okay, well, we don't know. I mean, all of these, thank God you're not actually a judge. But, you know, I just think, I don't think Claire, as you call her, is the arsehole in this at all.

31:38She's a princess. We don't know she's a princess either, but she's not the arsehole in this. She's a very decent human being. But I think if, I don't think she should be forcing anything. I think like, I mean, I don't think her mum should be asking her to postpone the wedding. I think she makes the choice that she makes it's right for her. And she can say to her mum, look, I'm not willing to postpone the wedding. I don't think that makes her an arsehole. And you can be there or not. It's up to you. And then she has to let her mum make that decision. I think that's the only way to do it, really.

32:11I don't think she's an arsehole. But do you not think that Claire's mum is treating her daughters like trinkets from a sort of fairground that she sort of picks up and drops whenever she likes? No, I don't. I don't. I think, you know, we don't know if there's any issues. Like, you know, her other daughter might be feeling really nervous about the pregnancy and she wants to be supportive as a mother. I wouldn't, I don't, I think it's a bit of a lexism. Well, I can tell you now, by the way, can I just say, by the way, the scumbag that has had an affair with her, he is not, he won't be around for a long time.

32:40We don't definitely know he's a scumbag, do we? I mean, that's the other thing. Yeah, but he's got, what, he's sleeping with his sister? I know, I know, look, look, look, don't get me wrong, in all likelihood, this isn't good, right? I get that. no i get that but you know what i'm saying christmas dinner when he's just giving sue a nudge and claire's like toiling over a big turkey yeah but about whether the parsnips are going to be crispy enough yeah oh god everyone i'm so sorry dinner will be ready soon aiden gives sue a nudge and goes come on let's go upstairs sue giggles flirtatiously her mum gives them both a knowing wink don't worry i've got this you two well i feel like you're adding a few layers there I'm just saying the world's conspired against Claire doing her best sweating there the sprouts steaming in her face dinner's really ready dinner's really ready yeah sure but Tom I do feel like you're sort of guilty of not following your own advice there Claire has met someone else she's getting married she's in love so the idea that the world is conspiring you know what Claire's life is like now is it's just her and Bill on Christmas Day and she's like, oh God, I hope this past is crispy.

33:52Bill puts his hand on her lower back and goes, hey, however they're done, they'll be delicious because you've cooked these with love and respect. And she'll go, you, wow, this didn't used to be my Christmas days. What a fucking sad nerd. Shut up, Bill. Anyway,