S4 Ep 51: ’Twas The Pod Before Christmas

0:00Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think. Peyronie's disease, or PD for short. PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve or the bump during an erection, and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lower self-esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known.

0:35In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is, PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. To learn more about Peyronie's disease, visit TalkAboutPD.com. Let's talk about Peyronie's disease, or PD. It's not widely talked about, and some men may feel reluctant to bring it up, but it's more common than you'd think. PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis, causing a curve or the bump during an erection that for some men may lead to pain during intimacy and impact mental health.

1:17A trusted urology specialist can help diagnose PD and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. Visit TalkAboutPD.com.

1:47perfect for a no foundation base NARS better together visit Sephora to shop now

2:17Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Fuck the censorship. Let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill. Never sheep's clothing. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon. You'll see nothing. All you hear is a huff a puff and a... Expect killings. Red spilling and flesh ripping. Impressive in it. The death bringing its head spinning. Just kidding. Every word in this song is about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog.

2:46Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, friends. Christmas Eve, brother. It's the Christmas Eve episode of the Wolf and Fucking Owl. What's up? Oh, mate. Are you feeling Christmas Eve yet, brother? I mean, obviously it's Christmas Eve, but are you not? It's the least Christmas... Well, I might be feeling Christmas... I might be feeling Christmas... I might be feeling Christmas... I tell you what, I might be feeling Christmas Eve by Christmas Eve, but currently not particularly. Are you working Christmas Eve? Oh, yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's up, boy? Yeah, I'll be treading the boards for a little Christmas performance.

3:29Yeah, anyway. How are you feeling? How is the play going? Because you're now performing in front of actual audiences. Yeah, yeah. How's it going? Yeah, good. Good, I think. You know, it's the first time I've been nervous in... 12 years probably what really about doing something yeah yeah yeah because i just don't yeah it's just kind of uh i'm not nervous now that's gone now but the first few performances i was like i feel like nerves doing everything stand up acting i know i feel like self-doubt and the lack of ability and all of those things and and uh imposter syndrome but there's no point getting nervous about that that is what it is whereas this summer i was just like you know if you do stand up you you want the show to go well but at the end of the day you sort of back yourself to be able to rescue it whatever happens because it's just you you know even if you even if you shat yourself you'd be able to make something of that wouldn't you do you know what i mean yeah i mean don't get me wrong arguably i've made a whole fucking two short tours out of yeah but you you don't want to um obviously you don't want that you're not going on going i hope I can create some material by shitting myself.

4:42Yeah. But you could do something. Whereas I think if I shat myself in the play, it'd be a very different proposition. How does it work in a play, right? Because I'm interested. You've literally got, it's like a boxing match. You've got to be on. You can't coast it at all, can you? No, I don't think. Well, I mean, the problem is if you coast it, you're slightly off. It affects someone else. Yeah, but also, no, but just like, you've got to be so ready for your line or yeah like a reaction you can't just no like for example like acting on like screen is slightly all right if it's someone else is single you're obviously giving it something not 100 yeah and but also the other thing is it's like you're only with uh i mean i know there are exceptions to this and there are long scenes and stuff but generally speaking your levels of concentration don't have to be you don't have to be concentrating for that amount you do your scene and then you're done yeah and then you do it again so you're switching on and off whereas with the play the whole time you're on you sort of you've got to be in the moment and then if you start thinking about not not that you would do but if you if you if you lapse at all then you're not in the scene so that's it's that's kind of that'd be my worry is that i've got such a i would just start thinking about like something And you're like, I wonder why that guy's got an ACDC t-shirt on.

6:02Yeah, I mean, that's tricky. One of the biggest issues in theatre is people wearing ACDC t-shirts. It's the fucking bugbear of everyone in the West End. Are you like a West Ender now? Is there a bar you'll go to? Is there someone you'll hang out after the show? You get memberships at clubs and stuff like that, by being there. Do you really? Yeah. Oh, my God. Not that I've taken a party. No, no. Oh, I would love to just see you sort of in your, like, silk scarf, just sort of, like, coming in going, Act 3 was an absolute dilemma. Well, do you know the bloody thing is, is I was supposed to... It's supposed to be quite an emotional scene, but I said, I just thought, fuck it, let's play it as a farce.

6:48And, uh, bizarrely, it worked better. I've never got the... Barney wasn't happy, but Barney never is. Well, the thing is, I didn't warn him. I just thought, let me just play it like this and see what happens. He was absolutely fucking furious, which actually bizarrely helped because my character was playing off his anger. Another gin and tonic, Romesh? Yes, please. And it's Romesh. As I say every evening when I'm in here. That would kind of be the thing that you, if you're going to do it, I guess, like that West End sort of, like being an actor's actor thespian. I mean, even with the way I've got my hair and facial hair is making me look more and more sort of...

7:27I don't know, Matt. I think you look drippy as do you like it you look cool bro yeah you look sick so yeah I'm doing that I'm doing eight shows this week well I'll be in the middle of it eight shows the Christmas yeah you get Christmas Day off right and then Boxing Day is Boxing Day back on it back on the ground you know what I mean oh mate just out there fucking storytelling bro you know one of the nicest moments just tell the stories Christmas Eve when you you and the whole theatre company will turn around and go and Merry Christmas everyone and that'll be beautiful at the end are you under the impression that I'm doing a production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs no but you will say that as a yeah backstage you're not going to say at the end of the of the play mate you should by the way someone should people are there it's Christmas Eve I know you just got to get a mic and go yo yo by the way have an awesome Christmas sorry Sheridan I know that's quite an emotional scene but um I've got to say big up yourselves this Christmas no don't do it don't do it during the fucking show but at the end of the show when you're doing your big bows because I've seen the bows like you just do the whole yo by the way have an amazing Christmas everyone that would be great the whole Christmas day I'd be spent absolutely anxious that I've fucked off the entire production come back in on boxing day just hiding in my dressing room can we have a quick word please about what happened a couple of days ago how is that do you have your own dressing room?

8:58Mm. Oh, nice, man. None of that shared shit for you. I don't know if... Well, yeah, I'm not sharing. Some people are sharing, but I'm not. Have you made it your own? Not really, of course. Like a bit of a lazy boy in there and sort of... Yeah, well, Lisa got me like a little... She got me some cushions and a duvet and stuff. A duvet? Not a duvet, like a little blanket thing. Proper Josh Whittakin vibes. Yeah, it is a little bit, yeah. He loves that, doesn't he? A little bed. And then I've got some snacks. I take some snacks in and stuff like that. Vegan? Candy kittens? Yeah, you know me very well.

9:32I've got some candy kittens in there. Jamie Lang doing his thing. Yeah, just bits and pieces, really. I haven't really made it home. Some of the podcasts have really... Yeah, some people do that. They've made their dressing rooms. There's a magic touch to what they're doing. They've made it really homely in their dressing rooms. Yeah, like candles. I don't have that ability. Or inclination. Not inclination. I would if I could, but I can't. I'm a slight nomad anyway, so I just always think I'm sort of kind of, like, even when I'm, yeah, like, I can rebel without a cause. Jesus Christ, it's so...

10:08Do you know what? You said rebel without a cause to try and make it out like you're doing a bit, but when you said nomad, it was very serious. So don't try and fucking undercut it now. Okay? You said nomad without thinking. That came from your heart. And then you thought, oh my God, I can't believe I've said fucking nomad. I've got to try and make this into a thing. No, no, there's an element of me that is a nomadical. Do you know what I mean? In what way? Like, I've moved a lot. I don't have, like, you know, I've moved, I think me and Catherine have moved 13 times in, like, 13 years. It's like we're in Writner's Protection.

10:40Okay, you're a fucking Mongolian tribe, okay? What's happened is your earnings have gone up and you've decided to move accordingly. Don't start fucking pretending like it's because you can't make a home of wherever you are because your spirit is constantly wandering. No, more that home for me is just in the heart. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. Particularly not now, the amount of money you've sunk into that castle.

11:07No. But, like, you know, my trailer on set. If I'm in my trailer on set. Every actor has just a trailer on set, Tom. No, but I don't put pictures up and... Nobody does in a trailer. Mate, they do. Well, a couple of people do, but most people don't. Can I say, some people, on this job I've just done, quite a lot of people put pictures up to get into their character. That's a good idea. Yeah. When you see people like that, do you just sort of think, oh, that's a real, somebody's got a real process there, haven't they? I just look at it and think that's somebody who's a lot better at this job than I am.

11:39Do you think so? Somebody's got their shit together a lot better than I have. Yeah. Yeah, but then I saw that clip of that Brian Cox thing. He does that acting master class. I've not downloaded the classes but in the advert he just goes just say your lines and don't bump into the furniture oh well yeah but Brian Cox is pretty amazing yeah also Brian Cox is so high end he also forgets to have an innate talent like a yeah also don't say your lines don't bump into the furniture oh by the way it helps if you're a generational talent yeah and also if you've got that what Brian Cox has got as well is like a complete like belief in himself like there's no sort of like no i bride cox could die on stage every night in theater for 20 years and he'd still think it was someone else's fault do you know i mean he's so fucking confident and so great at what he does yeah he isn't like literally hanging on to the tiny fucking the the tiny essence of like any kind of amplitude or fucking confidence that we do like i can have one line or a bit of a scene that goes wrong i'm tortured for days yeah anyway if you're wondering we very Pretty much full of the old Christmas spirit here at Wolf and Al Towers.

12:54Can I just share? I don't like to, um, I don't like to, uh, complain. Yeah. But, um, Oh, don't worry. This will be a complaint episode. Okay. Everybody can tuck in then. Um, I, uh, I phoned Sky because my internet continues to be a shit show. so I'm on the phone to Sky I don't know how much of this story I've shared this is maybe four months ago three months ago, something like that end of the summer vibes and I said to him look my internet has just not been right the whole time I'm having problems doing my podcast TV's a bit of a the kids are trying to play FIFA I didn't get into those specifics but anyway I just said it's a problem the kids have been on at me all the time about it right in a nice way because they're not rude but like they're just sort of lovely boys well brought up one of them was like this is a nightmare and he goes but I'm not having a go at you I'm not having a go at you dad I know it's not your fault it's very sweet but angry you know what by the way you know what's happened there what is that they kicked off about it going when's dad going to sort this out and Lisa's gone look your dad is struggling at the moment he's got a lot going on and don't make him feel bad whenever he calls Sky and he thinks they're his friends because he works with them but they're sort of letting him down a bit so don't make him feel bad on this podcast can i just say i don't like you to report exact truth if that's okay just i'd love a little bit of distance just going forward if you don't mind you know anyway so i phone sky and i tell them this and they go oh god we're really sorry they go have you thought about getting full fiber because that'll make your internet a lot faster i said okay that sounds good can i get that and they go yeah we'll book you an appointment uh the nearest appointment is three weeks time so I go okay so I say to the kids big announcement you can imagine how I've done it yeah gather the whole family we're getting full fibre it's going to be absolutely sick three weeks later the guy turns up and he goes he goes can I have a look around I go yeah I set it all up I'll offer him a cup of tea all of that I've learnt my lessons from you and he says to me oh why have they why did you ask for full fibre I said well they offered it to me he goes well you've not got the set up for it you can't have full fiber the infrastructure is not here to have full fiber so go okay i said well they're the ones that said have full fiber i was very calm and he said yeah i don't know why they've done that you can't have full fiber the the the cabling's not here for you to have full fiber in their neighborhood and he goes i'll put a note on it to um is he american no am i doing an american accent no just like the neighborhood oh yeah yeah i don't know why i said neighborhood.

15:36Sorry. Sorry. I don't know why I said that. I should say it was Spider-Man, by the way. It was... I guess he's really good at... Robert De Niro doing your... He's good at getting up the poles in that Spider-Man. You got a fucking problem. There's no way of getting fiber in your neighborhood, man. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. I feel like we've squeezed the juice out of that. So anyway, he says, he goes you haven't got full fibre in your neighbourhood in your neighbourhood in your neighbourhood so then he goes I'll put a note on the thing and we'll get it sorted out and I go how long will this take I didn't say it like that how long do you think this might take are we talking months he goes no two weeks I guess maybe two or three weeks two fucking weeks I guess like two or three weeks you'll have full fibre anyway three weeks passed they send another guy the guy turns up he goes you can't have full fiber you don't have it in your neighborhood and i go okay i said i was told this three weeks ago and he goes let me put a note on it to get your full fiber fitted so then uh a few weeks go by they send another guy the guy goes you're gonna have full fiber you haven't got it in your neighborhood so i go okay i said this is the third time i've been told this so then this guy said to me we sent some paperwork round to your because we have to access another place in order to put it in your neighborhood so we've uh and that paperwork hasn't come back and then i go okay and then they send me another message and they go is it possible to chase this paperwork and i said yeah who is it and they go we're not allowed to tell you data protection so it's somebody near you hasn't returned the paperwork but we can't tell you who that person is.

17:27I said to him, so am I supposed to go round to all of my neighbours saying have you had a letter from Sky? Do you know this is ridiculous? And the guy is ridiculous, but that's what we have to do. So could you could say by the way, I'm not sure I can anything. Oh, yeah, no, this they know all of this. Yeah, they know all of this. Cut off your biggest shows. They know all of this. They know all of this. They've mentioned it in the emails. Right. Anyway, long story short, after three months of this sending people around going you've not got full fiber in your neighborhood in your neighborhood in your neighborhood right and this thing about the paperwork they've now because they've not had the paperwork back timed out the response stops the full fiber installment i'm now back to where i was four months ago or however long ago oh gosh oh gosh i haven't told the kids yet tom i don't want to ruin their christmas they think that the neighborhood's about to get what the fuck happened just what the fuck is going on have you not seen this this yeah i've seen it why did it zoom out so well i don't know because dramatic that's a dramatic moment anyway that's what i'm at i don't know what to do man i'm can i just say by the way you're coming into prime streaming time as well right christmas yeah i get that yeah i understand that yeah everyone's got new games yeah yeah everyone wants to watch stuff yeah do you know i mean like it's uh difficult times difficult Christmas right now as you're listening to this if anyone's listening to this on Christmas Eve I might be crying because I'm not able to get the entertainment required to my family but also you won't be there on Christmas Eve that's true that's a silver lining poor Lisa will have to deal with it so that is a Christmas miracle in a way

19:15Did you know about one in three people with plaque psoriasis may also develop psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness and swelling? Does this sound like you? Listen to what it sounds like to be a million miles away.

19:38Trimphia, Gucelcomab, taken by injection, is a prescription medicine for adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis who may benefit from taking injections or pills or phototherapy and for adults with active psoriatic arthritis. Serious allergic reactions and increased risk of infections and liver problems may occur. Before treatment, your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or if you need a vaccine. Imagine being a million miles away. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Trimphaya. Tap this ad to learn more about Trimphaya, including important safety information.

20:16So good, so good, so good. Everything you want for summer is at Nordstrom Rack stores now and up to 60 % off. Stock up and save on the brands you love like Vince, Sam Edelman, Frame, and Free People. Join the Nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts, shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite Rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you Rack. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs.

20:58Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC.

21:17Anyway, what do you want to complain about, Tom? Oh, bro. So the Vienna trip. Oh, I have been second. I've got this second hand. But tell us about your Vienna trip, Tom. okay so for grace's birthday this year uh we were going to take her to vienna to have her become the disappointment of the cake yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah let's not go back into the cake i'm still in the doghouse for that um uh so we're going to go to vienna we've heard nice things look christmas market vibe yeah she's very very excited famously anyway yeah yeah yeah well she she's very much into that sort of part of europe um uh yeah she loves that she loves that sort of that style of year she's very much into classical as well isn't she she loves yeah yeah she loves mozart and beethoven and all that sort of stuff yeah um so saturday morning we arrive at the airport very excited to go she's absolutely buzzing heathrow shout heathrow big shout out we get to we get through to the gate and we're told at the gate that our flight has been cancelled um there's a problem with the stairs apparently um look i will say this as there are a lot of people were complaining and shouting.

22:27I was like, look, it's much better to have a flight cancelled rather than say it go wrong midair. And, you know, if we land somewhere. With the stairs? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I was trying... You're finding a silver lining, yeah. Yeah, but also I was like trying to... Really positive, really good from you. I will say throughout all this, I don't want to... I'd seen some news of a friend of both of ours that had put something up over the... before the weekend or at the early part of Saturday. and it was putting a lot of stuff into context for the whole of this story. And I won't get into the detail because it's not really fair of me, but it's someone we both know.

23:04And so I kind of had that in the back of my mind. So I was like, look, and the people at BA were like, we can't get, there's not room on any other flights, direct flights, but we could fly you to Brussels and from Brussels you go to Vienna. So I was like, cool, let's just turn this into a bit of an adventure. We'll go to Brussels. and I would say that I sold this to the family as being an adventure I very much hyped it up really good and that pitch it to me I'll be Kat so Catherine's very much like to be fair Catherine was trying to be positive I'm like look

23:46Tom so excited to get to Vienna you seem like you're being very Lisa-esque well you know I'm just I should tell you by the way I cannot wait to take your big ass to Austria yeah well first news is we only have one double bed for the three of us just how I like it the third wheel being our daughter

24:20keep talking maybe maybe we shouldn't have gone to Wetherspoons before we got a much fight those three pints of Stella really seem to have knocked you bandy so I was like look we go to Brussels we fly to Brussels it's not going to be too much for a mission it's like an hour flight then we have a little bit of a wait over and then we fly to Vienna great to have a stopover before Vienna makes sense yeah even though it's only an hour and a half flight in itself um so but i was like yeah so the gloss of that how long are you due to spend in vienna by the way tom davis uh we're there from saturday through to tuesday okay so i'm like yeah because grace's face by the way when the fight was cancelled and i heard and katherine and grace were talking and katherine was what and the guy kind of muffled commandment you know the fight you know being cancelled and the guys next to me and we went, oh, my God, the flight's been cancelled.

25:14And I went, oh, the flight's been cancelled? And Catherine was like, what? And then Grace went, are we not going to Vienna? Well, she's got trouble at the moment pronouncing her Vs and her Fs. So she goes, are we not going to Vienna? And we're not going to fucking Vienna.

25:34So I was like, no, look, we're going to get there. So this all felt like a great plan up until we sort of, we'd been in Brussels for three hours and, uh, walking around the airport and the gloss was slightly, slightly sort of falling off. There's not much. You're going to Brussels airport. Yeah. Brussels airport. And there's not a lot you can do in an airport, um, aside eat and just sort of walk around and sort of go to, there's, you know, they let us go to the lounge, which was actually, by the way, Brussels airport lounge is absolutely incredible. There you go. beautiful lounge lovely but not a lot for a sort of four year old to do so fucking hell and now she's and now she's getting now she's starting to get tired and a bit angsty and we also know we've got another hour and a half flight to get to Vienna sure we get on this flight to Vienna from from from Brussels and we're joined by someone else who's also going through the same thing as us so she sits with us.

26:37Is everybody quite stressed at this stage? No, literally a lot of people and it was literally us, another couple and this one other woman who are in the same predicament that have all been put on this. And has everybody been quite silver lining about it? Everyone else on the flight, apart from that, it's literally just people from Brussels flying to Vienna. Right. So this woman is like, she said, I've been to Brussels seven times in the last seven years. I go over a year. I love Brussels. Then she sort of goes into a lot of her family history, talking about a guy that she sort of goes on holiday with who sounds like might be a married man and stroke fuck buddy.

27:14But sort of, yeah. I said, oh, you and blah blah friends. And she said, well, friends who share a room. I was like, okay.

27:27And then she was sort of saying that he doesn't like coming now because she spends all of, she spent 1 ,500 quid the year before on stuff at the Christmas market. By the way, I won't get into Christmas markets. Kind of think if you spend$50 a month on a, you've certainly got too much. Christmas markets is just literally a load of tat. Yeah. There's, it's like, yeah, it's food you shouldn't eat and stuff. I mean, you're traveling to Vienna specifically for the Christmas markets. It feels weird to be trash. Yeah. One of the things we've realized is we could have just got to go to Winter Wonderland.

28:02Yeah. And you had a bit of better time. Anyway, carry on. And we wouldn't have had this story. Anyway, she's then on the plane, and she's selling it up, and she's selling it up, and she's like, Vienna's this, and Vienna's that. And by the way, I will shout Vienna as one of the most beautiful cities I've been Oh, it's amazing, man. I did a gig there recently. It's great. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful city. Direct flight. Beautiful. Really smooth. So she starts getting more and more like really selling how amazing it is, and telling us where to go, and all the things to do. That's nice. Catherine's doing that thing of sort of pretending to make notes on her phone, but I could see that she was sort of logged into the Wi-Fi, looking at Molly May on Instagram.

28:40But then I made a joke, and I said, she was like, and it will be there in no time. I said, yeah, the only thing is, yeah, what happens if, yeah, cases, everything's been a bit, yeah. And she went, there'll be no way, they can't lose that case. They won't lose that case. And she was very chill about it she's very like these they do this all the time i'm like cool okay did this really happen because can i be honest with you it feels like if i if i was writing this story this would be a bit of foreshadowing it feels very obvious to me no no no this did happen this conversation actually happened because yeah i think she's sat behind me now know where this is going for the whole thing i'm sat like this having to talk to her she's sat behind me i can give you a name but i'm trying to learn from my wrongs in the past it shouldn't be difficult to not give me her name but anyway go on yeah no but i her name actually got i think is the perfect name for this character all right yeah all right carry on right um well done by resisting that urge anyway you complete that anyway we get we land um and wonder what's gonna happen and the baggage carousel well first two bags out of grace and katherine's great great Very excited.

29:56And then we wait and we wait. And my bag's nowhere to be seen. My bag's nowhere to be seen. And the other couple that we've flown with, his bag's nowhere to be seen. So there's a certain amount of animosity aimed towards Catherine and Grace, whose bags are there out of the people, mainly from me.

30:14And this is also this guy from New York who was very, like, he, again, was very open about his, you know, his family history, which I think maybe lent into sort of Nazism he'd gone to live and his family in 1942 moved to New York or 46 or whatever and he was quite sort of proud to be back there but he said there's only one thing we can do we gotta go over to the baggage claim oh I think I knew this guy he tried to put it in my sky

30:50so he goes over right and he talks Viennese, Austrian, German so straight German Viennese

31:04well so that's a beautiful language Viennese he turns around to the ladies and he's talking in German, Austrian and he turns around and says his bag's in the airport he said my bag's somewhere in the airport they're going to find it he walks off and everyone's pumped because they think, oh, our bags are somewhere here. And he comes walking back as we're all with his bag. Everyone's cheering. And then **** goes to the front of the line and says, is my bag here as well? And they say, oh, no, your bag wasn't put on in Brussels. And **** goes from probably the most sort of twee mild mannered person maybe I've ever met to literally puff daddy rage.