In short
Live tour highlights from Manchester, mixing crowd banter with stories about teaching, comedy gigs, and reality-TV hypotheticals; ends with a reflective “challenges” wrap-up and Christmas sign-off.
Guests/backgrounds
Tom Davis (comedian, co-host) and Robert “Romesh” Ranganathan (comedian). They discuss Davis’s Raw Variety performance and Romesh’s ADHD diagnosis (self-referenced), plus tour logistics and audience reactions.
Key claims
Teaching anecdotes show “top set vs middle” students are hard to predict; some parents demanded grade changes or suggested violence, and Davis claims teachers weren’t allowed to hit children. Davis describes being nervous interviewing De La Soul via Zoom after hosting a listening party; later he jokes about a fan interaction on the train. They debate Married at First Sight confidence and Traitors/Below Deck as possible TV choices.
Notable examples
car-park “nonce” photo joke; parent threatening to stay until top set; teacher hitting a child; “pubes in the stationery cupboard” incident; prank involving stinging nettles; De La Soul tattoo; “turnaround face” wedding-day scenario.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOParent-Teacher Evening Anecdotes
0:46 to 2:53
Romesh and Tom share humorous stories about their experiences at parents' evenings.
“I need you to fill this place with noise And go wild and crazy for you guys The Wolf!”
School Memories and Discipline
2:54 to 5:07
The hosts reminisce about discipline in schools and their own experiences with teachers.
“Two minutes in, he's open with the impression we know it's going to be a good night.”
Cultural Stereotypes in Education
5:08 to 7:43
Discussion on cultural stereotypes encountered in the classroom setting.
“and I think, fuck, who the fuck is this?”
The Role of Humor in Teaching
7:44 to 9:15
Exploring how humor can be a tool for teachers in managing classrooms.
“I said it more politely and diplomatically than that.”
Childhood Mischief and Consequences
9:16 to 12:37
The hosts discuss their childhood mischief and the consequences they faced.
“What do you mean you're doing a routine?”
Reflections on School Experiences
12:38 to 14:06
Romesh and Tom reflect on their personal educational experiences and interactions.
“and he said, fancy yourself as a fighter, Davis.”
Childhood Memories and Embarrassing Moments
14:06 to 16:10
Romesh and Tom share funny childhood stories involving a classmate's embarrassing experience.
“I do think it'd be quite a good idea to just pretend you've got the letter.”
The Art of Messing with Friends
16:12 to 19:14
The hosts discuss the dynamics of pranking friends and the humor in past bullying experiences.
“You know what it's nice when you go down memory lane?”
Celebrity Encounters and Fan Interactions
19:16 to 24:10
Romesh recounts a memorable encounter with a fan and the pressure of celebrity status.
“It was a lot of that sort of stuff back then where people did horrible stuff to each other.”
Reality Show Aspirations
24:12 to 28:00
Tom and Romesh discuss various reality shows and their potential involvement in them.
“And then I thought to myself, be like cool and nice.”
Show all 15 chapters
Reality Show Revelations
28:00 to 28:20
The hosts discuss their experiences and opinions on reality shows.
Below Deck Insights
28:20 to 29:40
Romesh shares his thoughts and humorous experiences related to Below Deck.
“All the letters obviously didn't get through to them.”
Marriage and Reality TV
29:40 to 31:40
The comedic duo discusses the show Married at First Sight and their opinions on it.
“It must be soldier's story when you're on there, because there's always one really, really fit deckhand who they all go crazy for.”
Face Reveals in Marriage
31:40 to 33:50
Romesh and Tom humorously contemplate the anxiety of first face reveals on wedding days.
“I'd love to have seen you on Married at First Sight Can I tell you my problem with married at first time?”
Role Play Scenario
33:50 to 36:30
A comedic role-play scenario about a wedding and the expectations that come with it.
“You want to get to know this person more.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:28Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Manchester, are you ready? I need you to fill this place with noise And go wild and crazy for you guys The Wolf! Hand it out! Boom! Yes, Manchester! Yes, yes, yes! Hello, friends! Hello, Manchester! How are you? Yes, people! Thanks for coming out. Really appreciate it. The lights are bright enough for us to see some empty seats, so that's good to start off the old adrenaline rush.
1:34Romesh Ranganathan:In the front row as well. Yeah, really good. Really good for the old self-esteem. Just going to fucking jump off the front here and bring the show to a swift end. How are we? We're good? Thank you so much for coming out to the last of the Wolf and Owl tour shows. We had to finish it in Manchester because logistically it worked best. So thank you so much for coming out. It's like weird chairs. Yeah, I mean, we're very far away from each other. Yeah. I feel like I'm at parents' evening. What were you like at parents' evenings? Well, I was there both as a parent, as a teacher and a kid. What do you prefer?
2:11Romesh Ranganathan:Thrice. You've done all three. Thrice, I've done all three, yeah. Yeah, triple and three. What a threesome. What an absolute parents' evening orgy. What's your favourite bit? Was it as a kid, a parent or a teacher? what is your favourite version of parents' evenings? What a fucking dreadful opening question for this. I'm just genuinely quite interested.
2:36Romesh Ranganathan:I mean, as a kid, I was sort of, you know, quite lazy. So that's what all the teachers said about me when I was a kid. You used to go to your parents' evenings? Did I used to go? As a kid. Yeah, because my mum and dad didn't really want to go. They knew I wasn't going to be a doctor, so they didn't give a shit. Can I come? Two minutes in, he's open with the impression we know it's going to be a good night. No, I... Yeah, I did... No, actually, when we were kids, you didn't go along, did you? But when I was a teacher, kids would come along. I used to try and earn money by doing the car parking.
3:14Like, what do you mean? Like, I'd run the car park, like, I'd tell people we're out of park and stuff. And they'd give you money? Yeah, like, so, you know... Hello, mate. Oh, we've got a space for you over here. Just a bit of a weird one.
3:28Romesh Ranganathan:Thanks for inviting us this evening. You know you've got some nonce in a high-vis in the car park? No, I was a kid. Mate, I've seen the photos. You looked 25 from when you were seven. I remember play fighting with some friends in the park. One of them was dead. And a guy came running over and dragged me off. What are you fucking doing fighting with kids? Halfway through eating one of them. LAUGHTER And then, as a... ..as a teacher, I was just, you know, whatever, pretty chilled out, pretty cool entertainer. Were you quite flirty with the parents? No, I was not flirty with the... No, cos... How you doing?
4:15So you must be Claire's mum.
4:24Romesh Ranganathan:I was having sex with a drama teacher, so I didn't... Shout out to the swan.
4:32Romesh Ranganathan:She's not here, obviously. She wouldn't be here if we were doing it in Crawley. She doesn't give a fuck about this. But, yeah, well, sometimes what would happen is, to be honest with you, and I don't know if... Are there teachers in? Yeah, so the teachers, I don't know if they'll back me up on this, because, you know, obviously I left teaching, so you're still in the profession. you've not been forced to leave. But one of the things is, you remember the kids that are right at the top, like, ability-wise, and you remember the kids that are right at the bottom because they're annoying. But you don't remember any of the kids in the middle.
5:05Romesh Ranganathan:So sometimes what would happen is, like, is that a kid would turn up with their parents and I think, fuck, who the fuck is this? And then... Like, I had the stats and everything, but I don't know who the fuck this kid is that I'm sat in front of. And so I'd often go, well, you know, what do you think I'm going to say about you? And then they... And then they go, well, you know, I sort of don't do homework as much as I should. And, you know, I could be working hard on my fractions. And I go, yeah, well, there you go. I mean, he knows it himself. We had one parent who turned up, and they said, can you move my daughter up into top set?
5:43Romesh Ranganathan:And I said, listen, I don't want to reinforce the stereotype, but they're Asian. And awkward laugh, wasn't it? You weren't sure. brown people in the room probably laughing white people like, is that okay? Listen, it's okay now you can laugh at shit like that, alright, don't worry about it but no, so one of them sat down and said I want you to move my daughter into top set and I said How did they say it? In what sort of like threatening or something? Oh, you can do the accent, Pakistani Moving in Crawley Would you be able to move our daughter? No, no, it's more Pakistani than that they were immigrants They're immigrants.
6:20Romesh Ranganathan:Still are, I imagine. Would you... Oh, your little thing's falling off. You got so flustered, your little mic fluff has fallen off. You know, Dennis is... That's what happens when... That's Tom's emergency whip call. I've got a button here. When he thinks he's about to say something racist, he just pushes a little button and the mic thing pops off. Give it to 2028, Tom, then you can say whatever you like. No, but do it. You were doing it backstage.
6:54You're a rascal, Romesh Ranganathan. That's not easy to say,
6:57Romesh Ranganathan:you're a rascal, Romesh Ranganathan. What are you doing for?
7:04Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, so they said, OK, well, look, do it, you don't have to do it with a Pakistani accent, let's not get fucking cancelled it. But what I mean was, were they sort of, like, flirty and sort of, like... No, not flirty, no. No, were they? Like, to try and get their daughter? No. So what were they like? No, you didn't go, Oh, if you move my daughter up, I'll show you my tits. It wasn't... It was like she was seriously wanting her daughter to move up. Yeah, but it's got to be an offering. What do you mean an offering? Oh, yeah, look, do me a favour. I know it's a weird one, but if you move her up, I'll sacrifice a goat in your honour.
7:34Romesh Ranganathan:No, no, but even if they just go like this, and it's a bit awkward and go... No, she just wanted her to move up to top set because she thought she should be in top set. And then I said no. I didn't say it like that. I said it more politely and diplomatically than that. I just said, look, I'm really sorry, she's not got the ability to be in top set. Why'd you say it like that? What else do you want me to say? I don't think she's fit enough. You have to comment on her maths ability. So I just said, she'll just struggle in top set and you're going to take a subject that she might enjoy currently and ruin it by moving her into a set that she's not supposed to be in.
8:13Romesh Ranganathan:And then she said, well, I think she should be in top set. And I said, well, I don't think she should. Wow. And then she said, well, how about I'm not going to leave until you move her up to top set? She said, wow. She said, I'm going to stay here until you agree to move my daughter to top set. And that's how I met Lisa. No, no, no. And then I was just like, well, I've got other appointments to do. Did you have security move her on? Yeah. I don't know how aware you are of how well-funded schools are, but they often have security and sort of snacks and doughnuts and shit like that. I just sort of had to say, I've got other appointments, can you...
8:47Romesh Ranganathan:Wow. I didn't say fuck off, but that was sort of the insinuation. Then another person, another parent sat down, and they said... This wasn't on the same parents' evening, but it would be if it was a sitcom. But they said, I said, your son's really badly behaved. And he said, oh, that's unfortunate. I said, like, he was really bad. And he said, why don't you just hit him? Wow. By the way, I got hit three times when I was a pupil. Colour me unsurprised. No, what happened? One was when I was about seven. I was doing a routine in the... You're doing a routine? Yeah, I was... What do you mean you're doing a routine?
9:30I was messing about and doing a bit of fucking about it.
9:32Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, God, you were tragic at seven as well. A thirsty little prick. So this teacher then brought me to the front of the class to sit next to her. And obviously then I'm sat next to her, facing the rest of the class. So whenever she was talking, I was sort of like mouthing and sort of pretending her breath's melting stuff. So they were talking and you were going, aww. Yeah, I was going, aww, I'm seven. Actually, it's not that different from some of the stuff I've seen you working on for the tour. It's a little insight into Spudgun as a tour. And then she saw what I did and she went like that and just hit me around the back of the head.
10:12Okay. And that was the first one. Then we had a...
10:16Romesh Ranganathan:Sorry, so... Was she stood up? No, she was sat like this. And she clipped around the ear there? I mean, were you lying on the ground? No, I was sat down there like, sort of... If you sit down here... Yeah, but you... You were six foot seven from when you were like four years old, weren't you? I was just sat there like this. On the floor? Yeah, like that. Why were you sat like you were about to start 100 metres? No, when I was a kid I used to have problems. That's how you suck? Yeah. That's how you suck? Yeah. In assembly, everybody else is cross-legged and you're stuck like that. I couldn't cross my legs.
10:53Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean you couldn't cross your legs? Even now I struggled with it, but I couldn't as a kid. So I used to sit like this. Sorry, Tom. What? Tom, Tom, Tom. If you can't sit cross-legged, that's not the only other option. You can't sit like this in assembly, can you? No, just bend your legs. Bend your fucking legs. I think that too, but worse. No. That's better than what was happening. That looks like you're an orphan. This, there's something gallant to this.
11:24It's a good look. And it's just went...
11:29Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, so there's another two times that we've got to get through. Second time was when I'd taken up boxing. And I went in a mild English teacher, and Mr. *** who had a glass eye. Don't be careful now. What? I don't really like eye banter, but don't. And I was chatting to one of the other boys at the back of class about boxing, and he went, Davis, what's so interesting? And I said, oh, I'm just talking to *** about... Who? He was my mate. Okay. Let me guess. Invisible.
12:04That was... That was Tony. I did have an invisible friend till I was, I think, about 13. 13 you had an invisible friend? Yeah, I mean, yeah. He sort of ghosted me after 13. Did you do a podcast with him? Tony Walsh. And I was chatting to ***, who went on to be in the army. A little sidebar. He was an amazing tennis player, but then he joined the army. And I said, I was just chatting about boxing, because I went there at the weekend and he said, fancy yourself as a fighter, Davis. And he got me to come to the front and spar with him. And then he just caught me at a jab. Did you go to Ballstool?
12:51What kind of... You know the school I went to. Oh, I taught at that school. It was the worst school of the area. It was just fucking awful. Yeah. And then what was the third time? The third time was just like a teacher just really, really annoyed and just literally just clumped me as I was sort of being silly. not as adventurous as Mr.
13:09Romesh Ranganathan:I would say if I was going to tell those stories again I wouldn't finish with that last one there's quite a lot of detail in the first one and you did the sitting down thing I can't remember the third one because by then it's quite blasé the second one was my favourite I did think it would be like because teachers, I don't know if you agree with this but I do think you should as a teacher have like a card like a little card that you can use once a term where there's like a cupboard and you can just go, right, you, and you just beat the fuck out of someone.
13:41Romesh Ranganathan:This parent that said, do you want to hit him about his kid? Yeah. I said, we're not actually allowed to hit the children and nor should you be actually, I mean, I didn't say that, but I mentioned it to somebody afterwards. I said, you know, we're not actually allowed to hit the kids. And he said, what about if I gave you a letter that said you are allowed to hit them? Wow.
14:06I love to deal with you to get... So I laminated it and put it up... What about if I gave you a letter, Mr. Vengen-Hogfen? When you could slap him about a bit? I do think it'd be quite a good idea to just pretend you've got the letter. Yeah. But, yeah. Fortunately, that is insane. Yeah. I'm actually weirdly thinking about, because you're talking about going into a cupboard, we had a boy called... He was the first boy.
14:27Romesh Ranganathan:Tom, Tom, it's happened three times now. One of them, I think we can let go, because it's your invisible friend. I don't think... He's the only one who might be here. I don't know why it is you keep giving the full names of the people. Nobody gives a shit. The guy, who's the tennis guy? He's a great guy. You start saying what he's up to now. They'd only just fucking heard of him. I'd like to give it context. Okay, go on.
14:56But he came into class one time, and he was the first person in their class to show off about getting pubes.
15:04so a couple of said if you've got pubes go in the stationery cupboard and cut some off to show us
15:21what the fuck are you talking about? hold on hold on who said this? me and a couple of the other you?
15:30Romesh Ranganathan:You said, show us your pubes. No, I said, if you've got them, cut them a couple off. Yeah, but I'm sorry. I don't know what your pubes were like when they first came in, but I would describe it as much like, you know when you first put turf down and seedlings and you've just got a couple of bits poking through? You haven't really got stuff to spare, have you? No, but he was showing off. He was quite proud. So he went in the cupboard with some little scissors and then we told the teacher that he was masturbating in there. So she opened the door and he was just like that with his back tip. Sorry, are you wanking with a pair of scissors?
16:05She didn't see the scissors. They were good times. Yeah. Really good times. We had a bad one, actually. I don't know. You know what it's nice when you go down memory lane? We had one thing with the same guy.
16:21Romesh Ranganathan:Imagine if... is just sitting there and going, do you know what? I haven't seen Tom for a while. Oh, he's doing a podcast live show at Manchester. I should go and see that. I'm sure that'd be fun. You know, I've just gone through a horrible divorce and kids don't want to talk to me. It'd be good just to escape my difficult life and just kick back for an hour and a half. Then he comes here and then you're fucking going in two-footed for the first half. He, by the way, is doing all right for himself. He's like middle management at HSBC now.
16:55um but um can i just i lead to did you make that up or is that true that's true how do you know because i still like sort of have a look at him on facebook and he's been on a couple i've been on a couple of stag dudes with him right okay but years and years ago he was sort of saying now why do you think it is that dogs don't when they're going stinging itles don't get stung and i was like oh because they don't know they're stinging itles like if you don't know something is the thing. And he was like, I said it's true. If you were to run in stinging nettles and put yourself in the mindset of a dog that you don't know that they sting and they don't know that they actually cause pain, they won't cause pain.
17:28Tom, Tom,
17:29Romesh Ranganathan:I need to double check something with you. Are you saying this hypothetical or is this something you actually believe? Huh? No, I'm just, that at the time, I'm like saying. No, what do you think? No, just to be quick. Can I just say, by the way, if I was sitting here as like one of your more learned doctorate friends, you go, oh, well, fucking hell. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. Do you believe that now? I need to know because it's a fine line between a funny story and we need an intervention. Because I want to know how fucking thick are you? No, no, no, no, no. Look, I don't know why dogs don't feel stinging ells.
Read the full transcript
18:08I'm not going to claim that. I can't. Nobody's asking you to. At the time, I thought, this is quite an interesting scenario. So I said, if you put your head into basically that you're a dog, and you've got a basic focus, start barking and acting like a dog.
18:26Romesh Ranganathan:And by the way, is ball bags completely bare now? That's why you've got to remember that. And then you run into some stinging nettles and just fucking pretend you're a dog. See then if you feel it. So, he basically, we do like a little doctoring. Like, we go through a little bit of a dog thing, we're messing around like he's playing fetch and stuff. Right? To get him into the zone of being a dog. Yeah, he's a dog, so it's like fucking acting class or like... Yeah, and then I'm like, OK, OK, are you ready? Are you ready? And he's like... And then I threw a stick in some stinging ells, and he ran in, and he was like, ah, fuck!
19:03And he said, ah, you're a dog, you're a dog! And then he's going... It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
19:14So you're like a horrible bully? No! That's a horrible bully thing to do? This guy was like a really... He was a horrible guy himself. He was... Yeah. I don't think you... Mate. He was... It was a lot of that sort of stuff back then where people did horrible stuff to each other. He used to order pizzas to my house like four or five times a day. Okay. That doesn't... To be honest with you, mate,
19:37Romesh Ranganathan:in terms of... No, hold on, hold on. In terms of like-for-like punishments, you made him go into some stinging nettles pretending to be a dog and he ordered some pizzas to your house no no no no I don't know if you ever had this done when people used to do that to you back in the day that was like showing you up in front of your whole when you'd have like six or seven different takeaways turning up by delivery drivers your parents were going we haven't ordered anything we haven't fucking hell seven takeaways we've only ordered six it's a nightmare he was quite and he used to do prank phone calls on people Yeah, I mean, he was no angel.
20:13Yeah, anyway, is he here? That would be great if he was.
20:25In a classroom of sodas, most stay quiet. Then there's Mr. Pibb. Sweet cherry, bold outbursts, the kind of flavor that gets attention. Bold kick of cherry. Hey, yo, Mr. Pibb.
20:42Romesh Ranganathan:Anyway, we're supposed to start by saying how are we. Yeah. So how are you? I'm good. No, it doesn't sound like you are. I did the Raw Variety show last night. Oh, yeah, guys. Tom Davis did the Raw Variety last night.
21:01I'd hold that. To be clear... I ate a big plate of shit at the Raw Variety.
21:05Romesh Ranganathan:To be clear, he didn't... Basically, it was a booking from a long time ago. he agreed to do it when he thought that Andrew was going to be the royal there. But they've... They changed it and he agreed to do it. So how was it? Yeah, it was hard. More variety, man. Sick. No, no, no. It was very hard. It was not... It's a tough gig. I'd say it's the hardest gig I've ever done in my life. It was quite soul-destroying. Yeah, it was like... You know in this business when you go out on the first... And I started because... Don't start a sentence with in this business. No, no, but I went out and my first joke, I fucked up.
21:43And everyone went, hmm. And I was like, oh, God. What was your first joke?
21:47Romesh Ranganathan:Do you want to do it like, do you want to set? Do you know what? Who wants to see? Can I say, by the way, you have fallen into fucking territory. That is just ****. I'd sooner run through some stinging nettles naked than fucking have to do the first joke of a set that died last night. I was having to go and fucking identify a body at the mall. What was it about? Because you're obviously resisting that challenge. About being bald. But yeah, it was a shamboy. While you were doing Royal Variety, I actually did... There was an album listening party for De La Soul. Wow. And they got some journos together and stuff like that, and then I was hosting this event.
22:27Romesh Ranganathan:Wow. And they did the album listening, and then I got to interview De La Soul on Zoom. But I've got a... So fucking true. I don't know if this is cool or not. It isn't cool. But I've got a De La Soul tattoo. That is cool. On my wrist. And then I just went... I went, okay, before we... Before we start the chat, look. And they went, that's cool. They must have been impressed. I don't think they're impressed. They're probably impressed by all your bracelets. No, it was actually all right. It was fine. But I was conscious of, like, de la sola is so important to me. That's why I felt so nervous. But then what happened was that because I'd had that experience, because I was like, I'm talking to somebody, and I don't know if anybody else has had this, where you talk to people that you've admired for a long time or they're part of your lives.
23:30Romesh Ranganathan:Like, de la sola, they're one of the main reasons that I listen to hip-hop. And hip-hop is such a massive part of my life, how I dress, everything. So then to actually have the opportunity to talk to them was like an incredible thing. And I was a bit of, you know, I could feel that I was like, there was a weird energy in me, like I was being a bit of a thirsty prick. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but I guarantee you, when that interview comes out, you're going, I'm at Delosol. Yeah, I mean, listen, it was great. But what happened was, is I remembered that feeling of feeling like a bit of a thirsty prick when I was talking to them.
24:01Romesh Ranganathan:And then today, I was getting the train up to Manchester, and this guy came over to me, and I'm not saying I'm like De La Soul to him, but he was like obviously quite nervous to meet me. And he said, oh my God, like Romesh. And I was like, yeah. And then I thought to myself, be like cool and nice. However this guy talks to you, be nice to him. Because remember how you felt when you're chatting to De La Soul and it's like a bit, you know. So I just wanted to be accommodating to the guy. That's nice. So, well. So he goes to me, oh, I've just texted. My sister and I are massive fans of yours. I've just literally looked.
24:35Romesh Ranganathan:and he just texted me, stood next to me, I was just hanging out from the station. And then he goes, could I get a photo, please? And then I said, yes, I did the photo. And he goes, where are you going? I said, I'm going to Manchester. And then I said, I'm going to Manchester. And he goes, oh, I am too. And then he goes, anyway, I'll leave you to it. And then I went, this is the bit that's fucking bad. I then went, yeah, because if I see you on the train, I'll fucking think you're a stalker. I'll haul the fucking police on you. And he just went, oh. Oh, wow. I actually managed to take myself from a position of him being thirsty towards me, then all of a sudden I was now being thirsty towards him.
25:16Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah. And then I think I said as he's walking away, I shouldn't have said that. Well, you said that out loud. Yeah. I wasn't saying it to him, I was just saying it into the universe. Well, you just went, I shouldn't have said that. Yeah. I do say that a lot. I say that a lot on the podcast. Or, you know, I wish I hadn't said that or whatever. Somebody said to me, say it so much, you've definitely got ADHD. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, we both have. Yeah. You've been diagnosed, haven't you? Yeah, I've been diagnosed, but yeah. I've been diagnosed by some fucking c*** on the internet. I was obsessed with Stephen Fry, I thought in the traitors he'd do better.
25:51That's why I was slightly obsessed with him.
25:53Romesh Ranganathan:Right. I just thought he, I thought he was going to, I put money on him winning and he didn't. Who's betting on traitors? It's a great mate. I would say that I was addicted, bruv. I think you would be sick on that show. I don't think I would. Would you not agree? I think he would be incredible. No, I would literally put everything I own in you winning that. You're likeable, you're funny, but you're fucking cool under pressure. Jesus Christ. This is unlike any other episode of The Wolf and I we've ever done. No, no, I genuinely think, can I say, the two of us, you win, I would be the first one out.
26:28There's no doubt in my mind. Everyone would just go, oh, he's definitely fucking good.
26:32Romesh Ranganathan:I think you'd be the only person to ever go in there who is worse than Alan Carr. Yeah, but I haven't got Alan's cool... Alan's a stealiness to Alan. I'm just like... You'd literally walk in and sit there and go, fucking hell, can't believe Claudia made me a traitor out of everyone. Oh, fuck! I'd be sitting around the round table and go, I can't believe you're going to get rid of me because you think I'm a traitor. Oh, just to be clear, we're not getting rid of you because we think you're a traitor. We're getting rid of you because you're fucking annoying. I'm a faithful. Yeah, we know. Just fuck off.
27:05We all know. The traitors have actually come out and said who they are just so we can get rid of it. We're going to start the game again. You've eaten all of the lasagna.
27:16Romesh Ranganathan:Do they have to, like, clean up? Are they responsible? No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about me doing that. I can't see that. But it's quite an immersive experience, isn't it, traitors, apparently? Yeah, I think it goes along along. I think genuinely you should do it. You should do it. I will not do it. Don't you think Tom would be great on the train? No, I would not. Yeah, see? 12 people. Yeah. I would be... I love the show as well. I'm not saying the celeb one. Just go on the regular. That would be so sad.
27:50So you didn't fancy going on the celeb one? No, I'll ask about that.
27:56Romesh Ranganathan:Sit down at the table. So Tom, what do you do? Oh, fuck it all. I'm a comedian and a traitor.
28:06Thanks for asking.
28:14You're the guy from Wonka. Yeah, you do the celebrity one. No, I just do this one because, yeah. All the letters obviously didn't get through to them.
28:23Romesh Ranganathan:Just flow phony up. Look, I've got some interesting news. You're on the Traitors. Oh, fucking hell. Who else is on Celeb? No, not Celeb. But you are on Traitors. Oh, bit of a nightmare. It was for me. I had to fucking beg to get you on. What reality shows would you do? I think Traitors is about it. Below Deck. If I wasn't married with a kid, I'd try and get a job on Below Deck. Like a deckhand. That would be sick. Or the chef. and then I love it when a chef has a breakdown on Below Deck. They just can't control themselves. I'd start drinking, that would be the thing to start me drinking again, just for the sort of partying and stuff.
29:06And I'd be like a sort of big sister to everyone, just listening to all their problems.
29:12Romesh Ranganathan:We're, like, the thing about Below Deck is, like, whenever they... Has anybody watched Below Deck? It's an unbelievable show. I think I've talked about this on the podcast, but I was in the Below Deck adverts, not at one of the Below Deck adverts, because they heard that I really liked the show. But when you watch it, it's an amazing show, but when you watch it, they're like one of the deckhands to walk on, and they go, fucking hell, it was just like, why is he working on a yacht? He's so fucking old. And then it shows him, 33. They just go, oh, fucking kill me, man. It must be soldier's story when you're on there, because there's always one really, really fit deckhand who they all go crazy for.
29:56I'd be like the butters one.
30:00Romesh Ranganathan:You really... What's funny about that is you think that's you being really humble, don't you? No, it's not, I'm being honest. But I'm not being humble. Literally, I would say, yeah, you'd have to go somewhere to go, oh, the fit deckhand, Tom Davis. They've always got their tops off and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just find anything... It would be awful if they complain, wouldn't it, the guests? Sorry, we're trying to have breakfast. Can you meet me and you like that? You're all enjoying your breakfast. Yeah, can you just bring a top, please? Just a chef going, listen, I've not had time to make breakfast.
30:37Romesh Ranganathan:I need them to not be hungry. Romesh, take your top off and walk out on deck, please.
30:44Hello, guys. When they always do the sexy parties and the sexy dancing. Yeah. If I got the opportunity, I'd do blow deck.
30:54Romesh Ranganathan:Married at first sight, would you ever do? No, I couldn't do that. Are there any Married at First Sight fans then? We talked about Married at First Sight and quite a lot of people gave us abuse. About talking about Married at First Sight. Does anybody hate that show? Yeah, see that fucking blokes. Yeah. I actually get why you hate it to be honest I was having a go there but I do get why you hate it because it's fucking mad isn't it it is insane and then you know when you watch it and you like it I can't remember the guy's name there's always that one sort of the sorry guy the sappy guy Dean Dean yeah yeah when I say wed you say ding where ding where ding he's like a nice guy he's egg but he's a nice guy I'd love to have seen you on Married at First Sight Can I tell you my problem with married at first time?
31:48Romesh Ranganathan:My main problem is I don't understand how anybody has the confidence for their first face reveal to be on the wedding day. And I'm not talking about even being average looking. I don't, you know, listen, I know that we talk negatively about our looks, right? Neither of us are ugly, okay? But I'm just going to show the audience this, right? This is the confidence. is you're stood here
32:13Romesh Ranganathan:and this person hasn't ever seen you before, right? This person has never seen you and they're about to get married to you. Can I just be here? I want to see your turnaround face. So you be the... No, no, no. They need to say, I want to see what your turnaround face is.
32:29So they play this sort of... The song comes on. Okay. Wow, you're like, you're actually nervous. I'm getting into the role. Oh, okay. And then you hear those clippity cloppy, Lisa's at the top of the R.
32:50Romesh Ranganathan:I just don't see how anybody's face can stand up to that, unless you're fucking 10 out of 10. Yeah. It's so bad as well when you see the disappointment in someone's eyes when they look around. I think Catherine did that to me and she even knew what she was getting at this. Yeah, I know. I think Lisa was thinking, because I remember on our wedding day, she asked for really low light. I think she was hoping that maybe I looked slightly different on the day, but I didn't, sadly. What would your banter be like after the... You know the bit, because after the wedding, they have that little chat. We should run it if I'm the woman who's married you, and you're you.
33:26I'll be you, and you could be the woman.
33:31OK, what's the scenario? Am I disappointed? No, no. I mean, look, I'm you, right? No, I get it.
33:39Romesh Ranganathan:I've understood that part of the role play so far. What I'm asking is... Let's say that you're slightly disappointed, but you're also intrigued and you're not an arsehole. You're quite sweet. You've got a nice sweetness about you. You want to get to know this person more. Okay. What's about to happen is I'm about to get an absolute fucking shooing. Just so you know. Would you rather be you? No, no, no, no. We can do it. No, I don't mind. We can do both if you want. Yeah, let's try both. Let's not take this to a vote. You saw what happened with Brexit. Let's not do that again. Okay, let's go. So I'm...
34:11Romesh Ranganathan:Hold on, who am I again? You're Holly. Okay. Who? Holly. Holly, okay. What am I like? What am I like? Holly Stevens. Okay, got it. No, you're okay. Holly Stevens. Your dad has quite a good job at British Airways. He doesn't fly planes. but he's like higher management at British Airways your mum has got a little gardening business you take care of yourself you're attractive but you also read books oh that was an amazing ceremony Ollie Stephens
34:54you look radiant and beautiful and things thank you thank you You can just call me Holly. Oh, no. I should call you Holly Ranganathan. That's your new name now.
35:05Romesh Ranganathan:Well, why don't we, you know, why don't we see, you know, because obviously it's just a... How do you like the name Holly Ranganathan? Does it suit you nice? Well, you know, I mean, I don't actually, you know, I don't think definitely the woman should take the man's name. So, you know, it's something to discuss, isn't it? Well, I'd like you to take my name if I'm honest with you.
35:28Romesh Ranganathan:Well, as I said, it's something we can discuss, isn't it? You could be Romesh Stevens, couldn't you? I don't think so. I'd be Jonathan Stevens. That's me actual name, you see, love. Yeah, I've seen that routine. You've posted it on Instagram quite a few times. Oh, you know my work. Yes, I do, yeah. I like all of it apart from that podcast you do with that c***.
36:06So, Holly, tell me, what do you do for yourself?
36:11Romesh Ranganathan:What do you mean, what do I do for myself? What's your job, Ollie? Are you a woman of leisure? No, I'm not a woman of leisure, actually. I own an online business making hoodies. Oh, I always wear hoodies. That's great, maybe I could give you a discount Well I'd assume now we're married I'd get them for free now No, they're quite expensive, Romesh Stevens Could I get one with Romesh is the best on it?
36:43Romesh Ranganathan:It's not the kind of hoodies I do Are you, um... What about, just be quick or am I stupid? Pardon? What about a kiss me quick one or I'm with stupid?
37:03Romesh Ranganathan:I'm going to ask this question and I... I don't want you to be offended, but are you on any medication?
37:12Well, if medication is love...
37:15Romesh Ranganathan:Oh, are you OK? Yeah. Fingers crossed you die.
37:24Romesh Ranganathan:Now, if you're regularly listening to the Wolf and Al, you know that we always close things off with Tom's little summary. Now, Tom, it's a lot trickier to do this live, but we'd love you to wrap it all up. So he's now Manchester for the last time on this Wolf and Al tour. Tom Davis, could you please take us out of the podcast? Well, thank you, man.
37:56Thank you. Shut up, you fucking prick. Shut the fuck up.
38:07So angry.
38:12Romesh Ranganathan:I'm so sorry, man. I'm just trying to think of what is the worst thing I could say in response to that. I'm so sorry. Anyway, go on. Challenges, huh? No, he don't. Challenges. What is a challenge? Trying to get out a speech at the end of a show while people shout amongst themselves. But bigger things than that. Making new friends. Reconnecting with old ones. Juggling daily life. I don't know. Emotions, dedication. Like you're juggling balls. Not your balls, but I'll be the same. It's hard to keep juggling different... I don't want to do this. It's hard to keep juggling so many different things, isn't it?
38:54So hard. Every now and again, you might drop something. Oh no, I haven't seen Alice for a while. I hope Steve's okay. Alice, who the fuck is Alice? You remember from Clive's wedding. The truth is, it's hard to keep all those plates spinning. And sometimes you can kick yourself for letting yourself down and letting a few drop. The main thing you can do is just be the best version of yourself. go through life and the challenges you meet, try and meet them head on, go toe-to-toe with them. Like this tour. In some ways, it's been a challenge with all the other things going on. But you know what? Every time I step on the stage with this sweet, sweet soul, I think to myself how lucky I am.
39:38And every time I smell his hair and... ...cup his nice shaved balls...
39:46I think, hmm. I hope the next challenge is as exciting as this one is. I hope the next step we make with this podcast can make it bigger, grander, more crazy. And you know what? I've got a feeling in 2026, it'll do exactly that. Challenges. Face them, beat them, own them. And people, remember, have a great Christmas.
40:12Romesh Ranganathan:Hit it, Rob. Thank you so much for coming to the war for now. It means so much to us that you come out and watch us. We appreciate every single one of you. Have a great rest of your year. We'll see you next time, Manchester. Safe journey home. Thank you so much. Give it up for Tom Davis. Give it up for Robert Frague Nathan. Good night, Manchester.
40:49Romesh Ranganathan:It's tax season, and at LifeLock, we know you're tired of numbers. But here's a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money and refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it guaranteed. One last big number. Save up to 40 % your first year. Visit lifelock.com slash podcast for the threats you can't control. Terms apply.
From the publisher
It’s the second part of our Live Tour best bits - and this time it’s the Manchester Opera House! This was our final show of the tour and topics discussed included parents evenings, schoolboy pranks, dogs and stinging nettles, a Royal Variety Performance, meeting De La Soul and being contestants on The Traitors and MAFS.
Thanks so much to everyone who came to all the shows, you were amazing!
Recorded on 20th November
For questions or comments, please email us at wolfowlpod@gmail.com - we’d love to hear from you.
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