Social Trolls & An Email Special Song

0:21Romesh Ranganathan:Welcome to the Wolf and Al Email Special. This is the Wolf and Al Email Special. Wolfalpod at gmail.com if you'd like your email to potentially be read out on the podcast. queries, questions, or just stories. We're open to it all. Actually, we haven't had a really good story for a while. No, we haven't. We had some really great stories back in the day. Yeah. That's when they made an effort, isn't it? Am I right? Okay, should we do our first one? Yes, let's do it. Shall we? You go. I think you go first. Okay. All right, boys. It's me again, Vern. I threatened I would if you did some more, so I'm afraid after your intro from your Do We Need a Summer Body podcast, I was once again compelled to turn your amazing songwriting skills into a track.

1:00Romesh Ranganathan:This time it's not AI. Right. It was taken from your actual audio. So your vocals and melody. Once again, it's only short. Hope you enjoy. Keep up the banter and bollocks. Cheers, Vern. Well, thank you for this. By the way, Vern. Love the name. Oh, okay. Wow. Email special song. Welcome to the Wolfram. Email special. We do list the questions and the query. And we try to help out if we can Rump's ring and Nathan got the answer Someday this in Rome is ringing Nathan Could you stop at the Wolf and Al station We'll try our best to give you information And integration to The Wolf and Al for you Do your shoelaces up and pull your trousers up this is unbelievable

2:03Romesh Ranganathan:oh my god that is Vern wow Vern what an absolute legend that is a legend that is sick that's legendary stuff Vern's killed it oh my god I can't believe how good that is crushed it

2:21Vern

2:22Romesh Ranganathan:Vern thank you so much man holy shit that was great that's actually a banger yeah isn't it we could release that we could yeah we'd have to give Verne some sort of I mean he put the whole thing together yeah we'd have to make it a bit longer as well I think how long does your I think you just put it out as it is yeah no but how long does the track have to be to enter the charts oh that's a good question I don't think because didn't that chicken thing from Minecraft get into the charts that's only like a minute long yeah but that's less than a minute I'm guessing Steve's Lava Chicken yeah What about a guy with a, wasn't there a fish song recently?

2:57Romesh Ranganathan:You're talking about one pound fish? Yeah. Yeah, that's about 15 years ago, I think.

3:04Romesh Ranganathan:Have they booked you for Mock the Week yet? No, I've never been booked. They've never wanted me on it. That was a long time ago, the fish. You're talking about one pound fish? Yeah, I am, yeah, yeah. Very, very cheap, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about Wakey Wines? What's happened to him? Well, Prime went down the toilet, and now I don't think he's got the same. It's Prime gone now. That's it. It's not gone, but you're not paying. You were living off it for a while. You were living in that Prime life because you had a big garage full of it, right? I didn't have a garage full of it, but they were sending it to me.

3:35Thank you so much, Vern. Vern is the kind of name. If you were to give Vern a project, he'd come away and do it well. Just name-wise. If you walked in and you were like, you had an operation to do. And you only knew people by name. Yeah. Would Vern be someone I'd look to. Yeah, I'll take Vern.

3:52Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. What other names are in the mix? Ian, Kevin, Bruce. So you've got a choice between Vern, Ian, Kevin and Bruce. Yeah. Okay. Your pool of go-to names, by the way. All right, do you want to do the next one? Who do you go with Vern though, right? Out of those, yeah, I would do. Yeah. All other things being equal. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The certified fresh series returns. You're boss. You always like this?

4:28Or is this just an act? Oh no, this is mad. Oysters, everybody! There is a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to laugh. The Colonel's cooked up a new$10 bucket of the day just for you. Monday, 10 wings for$10. Tuesday, eight-piece fried chicken for$10. Wednesday, eight tenders for$10. Thursday, 10 wings for$10. Friday, 24 nuggets for... Ooh, you guessed it, didn't you? $10. The$10 bucket of the day deal. Every weekday, only at KFC. It's finger-lickin' good.

5:11Prices and participation vary while supplies last.

5:13Romesh Ranganathan:Not available on third-party ordering platforms. Tax extra. Dear Wolf, Owl, Swan and the Coyote, we are the parents of two boys the capybara age 13 and the golden-haired tamarin age 10 and all four of us love the pod we've recently returned from a family holiday to tagazout in morocco our apartment was in the hills with wi-fi that hardly worked the capybara and the golden-haired tamarin decided that role plays would be used for our evening entertainment for 13 nights the boys reenacted the Ross Kemp and Josh Whittacom purge role play from the 27th of July episode the only challenge we had as parents trying to explain what Tommy 6 is

5:57Romesh Ranganathan:any advice would be greatly appreciated yours truly the elk 13 nights in a row of doing that's incredible I was a bit nervous when the podcast team decided to clip that up and put it on social I was ecstatic I I because they're because Ross Ross and Josh are going to see that yeah Josh is my friend and I was worried about Josh getting offended slightly and Ross you hate I don't hate him I just I just think I've said my view yeah no I know let's not get into it again you've already compromised me on the traitors enough as it is uh tummy sticks um how do you explain that to a 10 and 13 year old it's uh fully erect penises and you sort of use them in a sword fight yeah yeah yeah does that help yeah um yeah yeah that's pretty much it yeah is there is there um is there a different way of explaining tummy sticks i i think no i mean that is what tummy sticks is yeah i think there's a world where you could uh you could say that tummy sticks is you could put a lollipop stick in your belly button and do that yeah sure okay so let's tummy sticks Capybara and Golden Head Tamarind Tummy Sticks is where you stick a lollipop stick into your belly button and you have a little sword fight I'm guessing if you listen to the show you've just heard Romesh's he went straight in with the actual explanation and Romesh by the way an incredible tummy stick I was actually West Sussex Tummy Sticks champion four years running actually I will say for in ross kent's defense he would be insane to have that level if it was actually a tummy stick though do you know yeah yeah that would be like a lollipop stick or yeah but what i'm saying is do you ever play poo sticks we throw some sticks in a river yeah do i ever play that game when you see a river and a bridge don't you get like a couple bridges do you not get excited and go oh fucking poo sticks grace still like well i've been past grace still how old is grace four and half right okay so fucking hell when's she gonna grow out of that do you not play with the boys if you if you're on a family walk break off a couple of branches of a i'm breaking off something during a walk you don't break off a couple of branches for i'm in yeah we probably have yeah it's great man yeah it's great um all right well look first of all what i would say is i'm surprised that children of that age are listening yeah i'm slightly hmm well it actually makes you feel about your boys not listening well they're not listening because you know what would be amazing getting alex and charlie to act out the josh and ross kemp thing which finishes with tummy sticks no not the time what's wrong with you but the times alex would obviously be ross right charlie would be doing amazing josh yeah i think you probably would actually yes hi you sexy bitches oh hello i've just returned from a semi-relaxing holiday in greece and stayed at a small adults-only boutique hotel.

9:05Can you whistle? No. My partner and I are both teachers, so we look for a quiet adults-only hotel. This is our one week away in the sun before we get ready for another year of teaching. Romesh, I'm sure you remember what it was like preparing for another September. Anyone who's there... Sorry. there was this one guest let's call him Anywho I think they're supposed to say Anywho there was this one guest let's call him the greying chimpanzee who insisted on playing music through his speaker around the pool oh god he would play tapping his feet to the music with no care for any other guest I'd say he was probably mid 50s and thought he was the life and soul of the hotel my question is do you think it would be acceptable to launch a speaker into the pool and tell this great man he is a selfish who should know better.

10:03Of course, I didn't do this, but I dreamed about it every day. How would you have dealt with the situation and do you think it's acceptable for adults to play music around a pool when no one else wants to hear it? Yours, the annoyed anaconda. Yeah, speak around the pool is a no-no, right? That's a funny.

10:20Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I think it probably is. I'm slightly... I have been known to take a speaker to the beach in the past. But in my defense... The beach is slightly different. But in my defense, I really am careful with the volume. Because you know when you get a couple of lounges or whatever, or you put towels down, and you're sort of away from other people? I would go so far as to walk away from where we are just to see if it can still be... You know what I mean? Yeah. We're just, but you're a very respectful guy. I try to be. I would hate to think that our music is bleeding into it. Also, by the way, you're a DJ.

10:56So you have exemplary music taste.

10:59Romesh Ranganathan:I think around the pool loud is a problem, actually. I actually think... I don't think you can launch it into the pool. I think after a while you can. So how many days... No, I think that there's a note that goes over, first of all, delivered by a waiter. Get a few of you to sign it. That's a bloody good idea. That was popping to your head. Yeah. Really good. I think you go to other people. I would say it pops into your head so quickly. It might be something that you've done before. No, no, I haven't done it. But I think this is, I mean, I've marinated with the thought since reading it. I think you send a note over.

11:32You get other people to, like a petition saying, look, you know. And then when they read it, no one looks over. Reading a book or doing whatever. Hopefully at that point the guy goes, well, okay, no one likes this music. he probably slopes his shoulders walks back to his room has a little thing to himself and goes down without his speaker becomes a part of the holiday for everyone and everyone gets on with him if he doesn't if he doesn't like do anything and keeps on playing the music I then think someone has to go over you draw a stick someone goes right who's going to do it Tummy sticks Tummy sticks yeah we're going with Tummy sticks under the water hold your breath long enough whoever ever yeah the winner goes over and says look mate we sent you a note now you've seen that we've been over there for last six hours we've had a very competitive game of time something sticks tournament i'm the winner i've got the biggest dick essentially and it's my duty to come over and tell you to turn the fucking music off yeah if he still then plays it i think someone is then you can launch it yeah launch into the ball but sometimes these these incredible new probably it could be waterproof yeah yeah and then then break it oh yeah then you've got a launch it somewhere else right yeah yeah yeah I think I think this wasps would come in useful if you could train wasps to go and sting him yeah I think that's a jam all over his speaker or honey or golden syrup so then yeah

13:01Romesh Ranganathan:sweet with the wasps I would say if you're pitching that as a real suggestion yeah I would say there's quite a few steps between you applying the honey and him waiting for you play the guy right you're just sitting there listening to me what are you listening to um I'm probably listening to Arman Van Helden okay hey mate hey hey hey mate turn off your music you're never going to guess what what's that two of the waiters are having a fight one of them got caught kissing the other one's wife they're literally going at him mate they're fighting outside you've got to see this it's a really really good fight I'll probably just let him get on with it No seriously you have to see this No I believe you but I'm just chilling Mate you can't miss this Nothing's happened here for days I'm cool man thank you though Mate seriously I think you'll really regret not seeing it I think I'll be fine Okay Hey mate mate It's me earlier after Remember the fight Hey mate The fight went crazy But actually what's incredible is now the waiter and his wife for having sex in a pool.

14:09Romesh Ranganathan:Okay. Where? No, the other pool, the kids' pool. The waiter in his, the other guy's wife having sex in the kids' pool. In the kids' pool. Okay, cool. Do you want to come and watch? Not really, man. I've got to be honest with you, I don't know if I've given you the impression that I'm somebody that would like to watch something like that, but I'm not. It's just you're on your own. Sure, but I'm not sitting here thinking I hope I catch a glimpse of somebody having sex in the kids' pool. and I'm sorry I apologise if that's the manner in which I've been conducting I thought you were going to be a lot more creepy and weird than you actually are why would you think I'd be creepy and weird some of the stuff that we've been saying over there about you because you're on your own and you don't talk to anyone you just listen to your music right and it's by the way your music yeah it's really really upsetting quite a lot of people because it's is it more upsetting than repeatedly bothering somebody to let them know there's a waiter fucking in the kids pool like of the two of us who do you think's been the most disruptive to the other one yeah i know but your music's disrupting loads of people i'm only disrupting you and if i'm honest with you i didn't want to disrupt you but i won a game of tummy sticks so i had to come over here and talk to you you you did you want to go basically here was how it's gonna go sorry you want a game of what tummy sticks tummy sticks yeah how does that work uh me i don't know if you've met big clive over there we both had to get erections and have a sword fight with our dicks you had a sword fight with your dicks how do you I'm surprised you didn't come over and ask me to go have a look at that we don't know how do you decide how do you decide a winner whoever becomes unerect so so whoever loses their erection first yeah I'm going to take an erection on their own big life but then your prize is coming over here to talk to me oh yeah the honor was mine to tell you to turn the music down or we're gonna put you didn't tell me turn the music day no I said that there was a way of having a fight with somebody else because you're missus or something the actual plan was to get you to go out to the kids pool because the wait is not actually having sex with someone it was so the way it's not having sex it was a ruse and basically when you go we're gonna get your speaker and cover it in jam so wasps come all right you can spread jab on the speaker yeah cuz you know we said that note to you that we all signed oh yes I remember that yeah yeah the no yeah so what we're gonna do is then cover your speaker in jam so wasps come over right you get stung by some wasps and then you blame the speed you're hoping i was going to get stung by some wasps yeah yeah and then i'd blame the speaker for getting me stung by a wasp yeah that was kind of because it had what secreted jam we weren't really thinking it through at this point we're just always quite upset about the music i just wanted to clear something out did you win a game of tummy sticks to spread jam onto my smart speaker yeah yeah then i'd have been the holiday hero because i was one who got you to stop playing your music right and everyone would sort of like me and you're staying at this hotel are you i'm over there with my family i'm over there with my wife yeah it's adults only that are able to integrate with the sort of the normal adult world yeah it feels ridiculous now i'm over here saying all this yeah so but are you all right to turn your music down yeah are you right to stop playing tummy sticks in the swimming pool sorry because we're both causing an issue aren't we yeah I've got my music up too loud you got your cock out in the pool

17:34will you put it like that mate yeah yeah it does yeah okay cool alright yeah fuck off would you like me to send you over a drink no I'm good thank you bearing in mind the way he hasn't had sex with his wife well he probably has just not in the kids pool here right okay that's not

17:50Romesh Ranganathan:affected whether I'm going to have a drink or not. See ya. Yeah, see ya mate. Yeah, I think that helps. Anyway, we do think the guy is a bit inconsiderate. But I think I think there's a possibility I know it sounds unlikely it's a possibility that that guy thinks he's doing a public service. Yeah, I do. That he thinks he's got great music taste and there's no atmosphere at the pool. So let me just put some music on. Yeah, I think sometimes you just have to talk to the people. Yeah. And if he gets, he might get upset. He might get his feelings hurt. Yeah. But that's part of life. That's life. That's life, baby.

18:28Romesh Ranganathan:Sometimes you got to eat those quavers before you crunch them.

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20:41Romesh Ranganathan:hey well for now i have the unfortunate problem of having a rather large nose my mates have always taken the piss out of me for it and to be honest i've always been completely fine with it oh that's good it's just normal lads banter and i can give as good as i get the problem is that one of my mates has taken the joke so far and so often in front of other people the people outside of our friendship group now seem to think it's fair game too for example during a rugby game recently my coach shouted across the pitch asking if i was all right and more importantly, how's your nose? This is met with laughter from everyone on the pitch, all at my expense.

21:12Romesh Ranganathan:Normally I'm pretty good at laughing things off, but it's got to the point where it's actually starting to bother me, especially when it comes from people I don't know or people who aren't part of my usual circle. I haven't really got the same banter or comeback with strangers, so I end up just feeling a bit self-conscious and embarrassed. Have you got any advice on how I can deal with it or even just a way of changing my mindset so I don't feel so self-conscious about it, particularly when it happens in front of people I don't know? Love the pod from the insecure Ibis. Is Ibis an animal? yeah named after an animal okay hmm I've got this gonna blow your mind lion bar yeah listen I saw of there's an element of this one I I kind of I can relate to a little bit how can you relate to it with the tool thing I always say I think I was though there was and also when I yeah I think growing up I you'd have that thing with a group of mates and then once it's sort of the banter starts filtering out and it's people you don't know it can become it can become a little bit yeah i can see where you're coming from it can become a bit too much i think your first port of call is it's very difficult to do you know is to sort of have a chat with your with your friends and just say that i think this and certainly the person who's sort of done this the most.

22:32But I think it's very hard then to, you don't want to alienate one person and go, look, you seem like you've taken this further than anyone else because then all of a sudden it becomes a, it's like you're aiming a target at them. But I think having an actual chat with your mates and go, look, I think this is, it's gone too far. It's a really hard thing. I think there's a masculine, like a matter of sort of masculinity here where I think we all take stuff on our shoulders when it comes to things like this and laugh it off or try and have banter back. But can actually that stigma and those jokes can, you can walk away from it and it can rest on you and you can feel stupid for letting it be, oh, it was just banter and whatever, but you've taken it as a personal slight.

23:18And I think those things can chip away at you over time. And before you know it, you're in a situation, you know, where your self-esteem gets hit and you start worrying, oh, yeah, am I thinking too much about this or am I taking this too personally? And actually speaking to people and saying, look, you know, and it seems a really silly thing to turn around and go, oh, you know, I would take the mick out of my nose, but do you know what? It fucking stung a bit the other week when that happened. And I think the cold hard truth of it, I think that when you're in a group of lads and a group of men, and I don't think this ever really changes, I think people are very comfortable if the joke's on someone else and it's not on them.

24:05I think that's the real thing. I think that people are vulnerable and people are worried about being a person under the microscope or being a person that everyone's getting a laugh from. So what they do is they hide within a group and they'll go and they don't think that's always a personal thing i think quite a lot of that comes from a vulnerability of just hoping it's not going to be them so actually turning around and and i'd say you will know the people in your group of friends the people around you who are those people that are sensitive more sensitive or the people that who will actually listen to you and and try then to go to them and go look this that fucked me off the other day and that pissed me off that that upset me and actually try to get that don't go to the don't don't turn to the people that you know or will basically turn around and say, well, it's just fucking banter.

24:56Or, oh, he's going to become a right choir, but he can't have it, he can't handle it. And then they'll make that a thing because what you have in a lot of these groups is you'll have a thing, I think it's called, it's like a victim blaming, it's a mirroring thing. So even if they feel guilty for the thing that they've done, instead of admitting guilt, and this is a very male problem, instead of turning around and going, oh I do that, I'm sorry I did that, that was wrong, I shouldn't have done that. They'll turn around and they'll feel guilty but instead of actually sitting with that guilt and feeling that guilt, they'll flip it onto the person who's being vulnerable and turning around saying that's upset me and that will be the reaction for a certain amount of people in your group.

25:36So it's just finding the people you'll actually talk to and speak to and not taking yourself out of the situation and realising that it might take some time. It's not going to happen. People are, you know, we don't live in a movie. We don't live in a sitcom. We don't live in a fucking drama where you say something, everyone goes, oh, actually, we shouldn't. It will take people time to go, actually, no, that isn't acceptable behaviour. And a lot of that is age-based. A lot of that comes through to shows the time. But I pick the people around you that have a sensitive adult way of seeing things and let them be the people that help you hopefully sort of extinguish this kind of behaviour.

26:12Romesh Ranganathan:Really great. eloquent beautiful i love the way you're sat the way you deliver the whole thing thank you it's in there somewhere no notes um no notes uh i actually um i actually think that um i i think that you just need to tell your friends that you don't like this anymore do you know i mean at the end of the day you've been um obviously like when i was growing up and obviously with my eye you sort of the self-defense mechanism is that you make jokes about it i have you know made jokes about it at gigs and made jokes about it on tv and the problem is that everybody then thinks that it's fair game to joke about it and then it becomes very difficult for you to defend yourself because you've gone it looks like you've been all right with about it this whole time but actually what you're doing is you're trying to get in there first or you're trying to laugh along because your other option is to go this is a bit out of order so i think you actually um it's just a thing of like your friends if your your friends should understand that you don't want to spend all of your social occasions sitting there worried about when it's going to come up when one of them's going to decide to make this joke because then there's a situation where you're just part of your brain is focused on that the whole time you're out and about or with your friends at all and you don't want that and your friends don't want that for you so it's one of these things of you know i often think when you have to have an uncomfortable conversation with your friends and it might feel slightly uncomfortable you've got two things could happen either you don't ever say anything and you live the rest of your life like this and getting increasingly self-conscious or you have one unpleasant conversation or a difficult conversation and their behavior changes and and this is often the case with things like this is if people think that it's open season on a certain thing then they will talk like that the way that you're the way that people conduct themselves is often led by the group or typically with blokes it's led by one alpha in the group the perceived alpha or whatever and so i think it's it's probably a thing where you've got to say to your friends i don't really like you know i don't mind a couple of jokes but this is sort of taking it too far and having the chat with them and then if other people see that your friends your close friends aren't making those sort of jokes then the the the model that they're setting up there is that you don't say those sort of things and it's like Tom said people love they see it as an easy way to get in do you mean they think oh they're all making a joke about that I'm gonna make a joke they're all gonna laugh and it's gonna make it look good your friends should not be giving people those opportunities so I think it's having a difficult conversation with them but then you're on the other side of it and things become a lot easier hopefully and I would say as well just to add to that because that's amazing advice is that when we're young and I don't know if you agree with this when you're young and you're in a place where you're in this big group, you have this thing that you don't want to fall out of anyone.

29:03You think all your mates are going to be your mates forever. And if you bring something like this up and how you actually feel when no one goes along with that, they're probably not worth hanging on to anyway. And that I understand because I carried too many fucking wrong-uns around in my life for too long. And I look back now and think what they did and what they sucked away from me as a human being and actually think, I wish I'd just lost them at fucking 17 when I knew they were a prick. but I just held on because I didn't want to be like, you know, and I got too long in the tooth and to wrap around the wrong sort of people.

29:34So have those hard conversations. But if people can't understand the maturity in which you are taking it, they're probably not worth knowing anyway.

29:42Romesh Ranganathan:Thank you so much. Ibis. Good luck for the future. Hello, Wolf, Owl and Coyote. Oh God. Hollandian Hermit here. Is that right? Yeah. Literally just finished. I mean, it's literally the first time I've seen that. Friday's episode when I heard Ron saying he needs to push on tickets in Hull, my hometown. I haven't got tickets yet, as I didn't know you were coming here because I don't have social media of any kind. Just before you carry on, thank you for that. My PR will be getting sacked. Continue. After I took your advice to put my phone into the greyscale to help spend this time on it a few years back, I eventually got to the point where two years ago I didn't need it anymore and have no FOMO at all from not having it.

30:27So it all got deleted. Thank you. Well done, you. Fucking hell. Credit to society. However, because of this, I do rely on friends and family to tell me when there are up and coming shows and events that I might be interested in. And yet somehow this one has slipped the net. I'll be buying tickets at the end of the month and I'll see you there. See you there. My question is, what are some good alternatives to stay up to date with what's going on in terms of shows and events without turning back to social media, whether your algorithm knows what I'm interested in and makes sure I know what's coming.