Toilet emergencies, PhDs and Bon Jovi

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1:42Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, it's Friday. It's Wolf and Al with an email special for the last. Put it right up in your mouth, baby. Friday. Remember that was a big thing, Friday? No. You don't remember that? No. Oh, mate. That was a fucking great time. where people used to go, it's Friday, baby. I don't think that happened, bro. People would go out and do it, yeah. It wasn't Friday nights for the biggest part of any week. Thursday nights apparently are the big thing now. No, no, no, no. That's where we're showing our age. Why? No, I've literally just been told this a couple of days ago. Really? Thursday nights. For young pups?

2:20Romesh Ranganathan:Apparently this is the big night in London, Thursday nights. Wow. You've got to do your ting-ting. I feel so sorry for Friday. You used to have it all, didn't it? I went clubbing the other night. What? Yeah. actually we should save this for the main name because this is an email episode so if you want to hear about my clubbing you need to wait until fucking when do we do the other one? Tuesday you need to wait until Tuesday I'd love to have had a video of you clubbing I actually don't let's talk about it now we'll do the next one alright wolfoutpod.gmo.com if you want to email in any questions, queries or anything like that Tom who wants to read the first one?

2:57Romesh Ranganathan:let me do this one To the sweetest of souls I love to run a novelty marathon I can't follow it if you read it like that Why? You're doing it like a song or something Just read it like you're delivering information I do everything like a song I'm quite a musical guy I love to run a novelty marathon I have twice done the night in the museum Running 48 laps At the Barvinden Tank Museum At night The Tunnels Marathon Which was 91 laps Around an underground disused military bunker and most recently the car park marathon which was nine ramps up and a long week to the top and nine ramps down 53 times.

3:3963. 63 times. The equivalent of running up Snowden apparently. As a committed listener to the pod the first time I did the Tank Museum I was listening to a Christmas episode from a couple of years back where Tom was doing the voice of Father Christmas in Romesh's bedroom. I think it involved the phrase, hello little boy. Hello little boy. Hello little boy. Which had me in stitches. I also remember the underground tunnel cracking over Tom's pronunciation of the word urine. And at the car park it was listening to your stories of drunken parties. Yes, I am behind but we're probably caught up now.

4:16We're at that lung off. I like to have lots of back episodes stored up for travel and running ETC. Is that how you pronounce it? ETC? Yeah, yeah. Okay, go on. what do you say etc oh no no no well someone's made if they've written etc I'd say etc I read verbatim my question is to you is do you read it verbatim do do you ever listen to a podcast or a training or do you find it distracting I love the comedy as it makes me forget that agony I'm in much better than just music that gives you something to actually laugh about or do you like to get some drill or whatever the kids listen to these days to keep you focused Rom I saw you live at the vegan camp out.

4:58Romesh Ranganathan:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Why are you laughing at that? I just think the vegan camp out. I think it's so selective. What do you mean? Well, it's like, can everyone go? Anybody can go. They don't fucking... By the way, can I say at the moment, I'm on a very, very vegan, straight vegetarian diet. I'm very much loving it. That's why it's so surprising that you sniggered like that. No, it's just a name. Like a bully. Fucking lamb chop hanging out your chops. one vegan tour runner to another big love Tom I saw you live at the Mars Sierra in Southampton oh god that was one of the worst gigs I did in the last tour I had so many hecklers it was awful I actually got PTSD from that night never has there been a talent for coming up with random men's names on the spot oh yep that's what are you okay much love I didn't realise this email would be quite so long much love the splendid slug well you can take more than one breath

5:54So, firstly, thank you very much for your kind words. I remember that Southampton gig significantly more differently than you remember it.

6:03Romesh Ranganathan:The vegan camp out gig was fine. I bet it was. A load of like-minded souls gathered together. They're the wins, those gigs. I did get a bit of shit back from a couple of them. Because at the camp out, there was... What's it called, a camp out, by the way? It's a festival. Yeah, no, but why does it not have a vegan camping? Or the vegan, I don't know, veganal. Veganal? Yeah. Like vegan festival. Yeah, okay. They could have done that, but they called it the vegan camp. Oh, vestival it should have been called. Yeah, but doesn't that sort of imply that everyone's wearing vests? See, that's where I'd get burnt.

6:39Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I mean, that's why they called it V Festival. That is my target audience. Oi, oi! I'll do it. Get your stannies out, everyone! Here we are at Vest Festival 2026. No, that's my mum's name. What happened at the vegan campaign? Well, a couple of people didn't like me that I was there. Why? Because they don't think I'm as earnest about veganism as I should be. What? By the way, you went to war with one of your best friends on veganism then. I wouldn't go to war, but you sniggered. Yeah, but you are a really devout vegan. I don't know, I'm devout. I think it's one of the five things that people would know about you.

7:20Romesh Ranganathan:I think people need to be a bit more chill about it. Yeah, I think, yeah, I'd agree with that. So I say that a lot and people get fucked off because if you're really into animals, the idea of someone's being casual about it is annoying. I get it. I do get it. And then a few people had a go at me for being heteronormative in my standard. What is heteronormative? Like I was talking about it from the position of being a dad and a straight man. Oh, my God. You know, I'm slightly hamstrung. can I say that would be the worst gig I could do what is hetero I've never heard of hetero normative I don't even know if I've used the word correctly but the point is is that I'm doing it from a default position of a heterosexual man yeah but what else what other position I don't know I don't know anyway I'm just telling you what some of the feedback was the reason I love going to watch stand up comedians is you get it's the person it's such an honest yeah and you like what you like which is why you only watch straight white guys.

8:20Romesh Ranganathan:That's your thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. People like different flavors. Chris Ramsey. Yeah, and your flavor is the same over and over and over again. Never break it away. Just tell me, you're not going to stand up? No, no, no. I've got nothing I need to hear. There's nothing I need to hear, mate. Okay, so do you run? I can't run. I need a shot. Okay, so you love walking but you normally walk with K-Dog, don't you? Yeah. No, no, no. I walk a bit. I'll go for a little trip on my own. Okay. I like walking through London listening to a podcast. Okay. So what podcast then? By the way, thank you, Slug.

8:59Romesh Ranganathan:Yes, Splendid Slug. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to plug some other podcasts on ours. Yeah. So what is it you listen to? Well, I feel like the overlap is one that I'll always go to. Sure. I like the overlap. You hate Gary Neville, but you like the overlap. I actually, Gary Neville's really grown on me. Look, you know, We've cast our minds back to pre-studio episodes. You described him as someone that looks like he doesn't wipe his bum properly. I still stand by that. I still stand. He does look like somebody. I don't know what it is. Yeah. By the way, that's not an insult. It just means...

9:30It feels like an insult. It smells like an insult. He just looks like he probably just gives, like, two wipes and just runs out without... Okay.

9:38Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, okay. I have become increasingly thorough about all that. Yeah. Let's not get into it. I, by the way, jumped into your regime. What was that? the the dry wet what dry yeah oh my god it's a game changer it's so good it's so good although i've been sleeping on it a bit what do you mean you told me about it a long time ago and i've never listened to you and now so you go dry wet dry yeah d dubs d yeah perfect that that last dry you get it right yeah everything's so squeaky clean then you feel then i feel good i feel okay about jumping into my ice bath no there's no debris there oh god well we sort of managed to skirt around being disgusting.

10:19Romesh Ranganathan:I haven't got that capability in me. People don't... Sometimes I don't think we give enough consideration to the circumstances in which people are listening to this podcast. Yeah, I know, yeah. People might be having their fucking breakfast. It drops first thing in the morning. On Friday. And then suddenly you're talking about debris in your ice bath. Yeah, but there could be all sorts of debris. Yeah. So the overlap I like... Can I just tell you... Okay, in the interest of being disgusting... Yeah. I just want to talk about something I did recently. Oh, God. As you know, I'm a Heimscheisser. Yeah.

10:50Romesh Ranganathan:But I caught myself in an emergency situation. By the way, I bought one of the little stool things as well. Oh, have you? Yeah. Oh, my God, I'm an influencer. You bought Squatty Potty? Yeah, yeah. Have you used it? They're incredible. Mate, they're amazing. Oh, my God. Are you serious? I swear, mate. Do you know, I've had my issues recently. Yeah. I'm not going to get too into it. Yeah. But that is an absolute game. Told you. By the way, can I say, I told the specialist I'm seeing about it. He was like, that's great. That's great. That's great. more people should use those. Guys. Huh? Doesn't have to be that brand.

11:19Romesh Ranganathan:No. Just get your... Elevate those feet. It's slightly indignifying, isn't it? Can I say I tried it out with a bin a couple of times. Put my foot on top of a bin. And then thought, actually, no. How tall is the bin? It's not that tall. Okay, fine. I thought it was like a full-size bin. I don't think you're going to get it in the toilet, are you? And since then, I'm like, no, I'll invest. Yeah. I'm in. I mean, it's 40 quid. Just pay for it. Beautiful bit of kit. Yeah, yeah. Game changer. So the overlap I like. No, no, no, no, but I've not told you the bit. Sorry, and then we can get into the overlap.

11:58Romesh Ranganathan:I had to go for a number two. Yeah. I don't like just dry toilet tissue. Okay. You can put water on toilet tissue if you haven't got it right with it. No, no, no, you can't. You can't. I'm sorry, mate. I do not agree with that. In an emergency situation? No. You can't. Not even in an emergency. You've just got to go dry. Well. You can't because it'll shed. Yeah, that is true. If you put too much, it's a risky move. What I decided to do, I don't even know if I want to talk about it. Hair gel? They had hand moisturiser. Oh, my God. What? So I went dry. Moisturised tissue, dry. Anyway, my anus felt completely frictionless for the rest of the day.

12:45Romesh Ranganathan:It was ridiculous. In what sense? It was like I basically moisturised my ring. Oh, my God. I don't think you're supposed to do that. And it's like I looked up the ingredients. Do you know it's the same? What you should have used is Vaseline because it's the same. I'm not putting Vaseline on my arsehole. No, but your bum is the same as your lips. Okay. Is it? Yeah. It's the same skin. Okay, fine. Anyway, I put hand cream on there. Oh, my God. And it was insane. How does it feel now? Well, now it feels all right. But when I told Lisa about it, she said to me, what the fuck did you do that for? And I said, what do you mean?

13:16Romesh Ranganathan:She goes, you could, she goes to me, you might get a rash now. Also, you could be fucking with your PhD levels. PhD levels? I think you mean PhD levels. PhD levels, yeah. I don't think it's affected my doctorate.

13:40No, but your PhD was... No, I've got bad news. The uni heard about you using hand moisturiser on your anus, and now you can't graduate. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're going to fail. You're our best student, and there's a good chance that you would have been the person to cure all these horrible diseases, but we've heard what you're smearing on your butthole. Yeah, it was bad. That's a bad move, isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, overlap. Yeah, so the overlap I like a lot. I'm trying to think of any others. What went wrong? Oh, What Went Wrong is... Yeah. But I think I've completed What Went Wrong. They bring out others, but I'm like, they've done all the...

14:13I don't know. Yeah. Also, it's brilliant. It's incredible. I love them. But at times, I feel like they're quite sneery about stuff that... They did one episode about the interview. The film The Interview with Seth Rogen. Yes. I didn't like that one. I really like that film.

14:31Romesh Ranganathan:Yeah, I think it's a good film. It's a funny film. And the way they talk about it and the people who might like that film feels so sort of like... Well, I mean, there's a bit of racism in the film, isn't there? Yeah, there is, yeah. But the way... Enough about your favourite bits. You liked the whole film, didn't you? Yeah, I did. Yeah.

14:50You frick. But they're like, I mean, this is such a shit movie. I know, I know.

14:56Romesh Ranganathan:I think they called it one of the worst films they'd ever seen. Yeah, and I was like, it's not that bad. And they've seen a lot. Yeah, I didn't think it was that bad. There's a lot of vocal fry. I really struggle to sit through this thing. I guess there are people that understand and enjoy this film. Let's just say they're not the sort of people I'd want to hang out with. You sound like Donald Trump. I'd love to see Donald Trump do a film. He is in a film, Home Alone 2. Yeah, very quickly. Anyway, sorry. What are you listening to, my friend? Okay, well, in response to this, in terms of when I'm running, which I haven't done for a while now, and actually well I mean I haven't done it yeah I haven't done it as much so used to I don't find I remember when I trained for the marathon I listened to the Brittany audiobook I love an audio book yeah so listen to her autobiography that was good yeah I don't think it was read by her I get it if Brittany doesn't want to read it yeah anyway and but I find when When I'm exercising, I like music.

16:01Romesh Ranganathan:I do like music, you know? I like a bit of music. It just sort of gets you in the zone, you know what I mean? I like Bruce Springsteen. I mean, Lisa gets quite annoyed because I do... I work out a lot with Lisa, and then I always choose the music, and I'm always putting on, like, some really kind of grimy southern hip-hop on. Yeah. And it's sort of slightly... She's not into it. What's she sort of like more... She's like you. Come on, jump. That sort of thing. For my love. Yeah, I love all those things. Yeah. You two have got very similar music taste. She likes Oasis, Blur. Westlife. Westlife she likes.

16:37Romesh Ranganathan:She's, you know, she's that vibe. Yeah. Then every now and again I'll send her songs and I'll go, this is great, isn't it? And she'll go, yeah. And then I think, has she listened to that? Yeah, yeah. I'm not convinced. I think she would. Lisa's a very honest woman. She's very honest, actually, to her fault. Yeah, I think that's the one thing. Arguably. But I've got, I put a lot of playlists together. So, like, say, for example, if I know I'm going to hit the gym quite hard, I'll put together a proper... Can people listen to those themselves? I've made them private. But, I mean, I could put them out there, if people wanted them.

17:09Yeah, I'd put, like, Romy's, you know... I've got a couple.

17:11Romesh Ranganathan:I did a winter warmer a while ago. I remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You could do a thing like you opening the thing, but, like, yeah. Hey, everyone, it's Romy, Frank, and Nathan. If you're going to be lifting those big weights, you want to listen to this. And then it's like... I had to do... I didn't have to do. I was asked to do. the um what's it called the running you know the running mix for BBC Sounds yeah yeah where like it was like training runs and then every now and again I'd come in and out of the mix and go I hope you're enjoying it it's probably getting a bit gritty out there at the moment hopefully this will get you through it a little bit of Van Halen oh my god that's such a good job you'll pay for that yeah these are fucking I never get any of it you could do it do it right now do like a imagine I don't know what song do you want to be going out of into so we've got let's think Bon Jovi.

17:59Okay, Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer.

18:01Romesh Ranganathan:And you're going into? Brian Adams, Everything I Do, I Do It For You. I mean, that's a fucking, by the way, thank God you're not a DJ. Fucking hell, mate.

18:16Romesh Ranganathan:That needs about 45 minutes in between those two songs of other stuff. Fucking hell. All right, so you're coming out of Bon Jovi, living on a prayer and going into everything I do I do it for you. Jesus. Why would that be on a running playlist, by the way? Okay. Maybe it's like the last 50 metres or something or 100 metres. Okay. So everything I do I do it for you. Okay. So it's towards the end of the run, let's say. So you've got to give it a bit of a pep talk. Yeah. Okay. Go on. Okay. And that's Bon Jovi living on a prayer. I hope you're living on a prayer, friend. and let me tell you, you're coming to that finish line.

18:55Finish strong and remember the sweet, sweet heart that you've got to give you a big kiss at the end of this race. This is Bryan Adams and everything I'll do, I'll do it for you.

19:05Romesh Ranganathan:Okay, if I can give a couple of notes. One, I don't think you have to do as much announcing and details of the song. Okay? Two, you got the Bryan Adams song title wrong.

19:29Romesh Ranganathan:you don't have to they're going to hear the song in a sec so you don't have to go into that level of detail also you've made this assumption they've all got partners and they're all waiting for them at the finish line should we give it another go so less detail less detail on the song, they're about to hear the song so you don't have to go into it they're literally the song starting as you're talking yeah okay god bless the DJ yeah alright go on that's right you're living on a prayer just like Bon Jovi this one's coming out of the box it's for your heart it's Brian Adams what is it why is everything for your heart because it's a song that means something to people okay but imagine you're at the end of a run your heart is fucking beating out your chest okay what about this okay that was Bon Jovi yeah you're living on a prayer now just take it easy on yourself and this is Brian Adams

20:24something like that yeah i thought it was all right yeah i think the songs are so similar too similar no but it's it might just be yeah something it needs more energy and yeah and also i guess

20:36Romesh Ranganathan:based on what you've said in the last two minutes a basic fucking fundamental understanding of what music is, which you clearly don't fucking have in slightest.