#31 Back to School

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0:35Denis:Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mark T. Cox. Hello, Dennis Lynn. This week we're chatting about back to school, protection and the winter fear. And I'll be telling Dennis all about my recent rise in the social ladder of Dublin. I wore this blouse. I mentioned this last week and I said I'd put it on for you. It's very tight. You didn't say that. but my mother bought me this because it's the year I was born it says 1989 You're giving away too much and she said wouldn't that be nice to wear The three numbers of your bank card are on the back as well Yeah It's lovely It's lovely but I will say that I think it's Dunn's My idea of tight versus that is that just looks like a like a little jumper mark It is Dunn's doors It is Dunn's doors Of course it's Dunn's doors It's a medium The Cox family have always been a Dunn's doors family We have a lovely Duns in Ennis.

1:29Did I tell you about the time they renovated? They built a second story onto the Duns in Ennis. And I think it was the first escalator in Ennis. And we used to go... Across the board. In the town. The first. Well, why would there be? Like, there's no two-story shops. Yeah, I'd say so, because there's... Did you go down to Gwana's? We used to go in to go up. We used to go in to go out. We used to go out. We used to go in to go up the stairs And everyone was like Excited about it Yeah That's not that long ago That's Around 2000 2003 Something like Like not 20 years ago maybe We used to go in to go up

2:11Denis:I used to think that they were like The travelator and gladiators Do you know like Yeah Used to be running up and down Some people are still frightened of them They wouldn't go up I don't know You get sucked into them The shoe Gets sucked in There was always terrible stories I was talking about this The other day To one of my friends I was saying to her like did you have all these haunting stories when you were growing up that were like warnings? Like, but I know parents are meant to do that to scare you and stuff, but these were like, you know, down in Tesco, a girl got her hair trapped into it and she got squished and turned around inside in it.

2:41Denis:And she came out with a load of mincemeat. And you're just, then you just have the biggest fear of all time about the escalators. Yeah. And other ones were like, I know this is mad, but like one of them was like, it was an epidemic, people sniffing glue. Did you have that in Ennis? Oh yeah, you could die. Yeah, but like, there was, again, my parents were talking to me as if I was about to get the Pritz stick I was just I never really understood and I don't think well it probably did happen but I don't think it happened as often for that level of concern or getting stuck in a fridge in a freezer there was always a worry like in a restaurant or something like getting stuck inside in a freezer I think we were driven mad by that one from programs probably American programs where people kept getting locked inside in freezers oh as a like a farce like it no no it wouldn't have to be a farce oh sorry it could happen in like something like Home and Away yeah or EastEnders or something but someone would get trapped inside there yeah they'd freeze the dead or whatever oh yeah but you know these but we would never even go near a walk-in freezer yeah but the escalator still still some people don't go up and there's nothing above really there's there's kind of the stuff no one wants like the men's fashion or whatever is upstairs you wouldn't go near that would you do you know the things that like the not the most crucial I still don't think that that jumper is very tight It's a bit tight in the arms I feel like a stick Oh look at this Your arms are great Oh I'm a bit scrawny now I'm a bit If that was bigger now You'd have an illusion I'm going to wear a vest one of these days I'm still I started doing my little Curls Oh yeah How's it going?

4:15I can't Be arsed I'll try I'll try again I just can't keep up This is so boring Are you heading off anywhere? I'm coming and going non-stop. I'm going to Dublin about four times over the next, like...

4:30Denis:You need to start renting over there. Oh my God, I'm all over the place. So I'm involved with Dublin Fringe. Involved. Listen to this. I'm involved. I've been selected. I hope to God. So we're recording this, like, in advance. So I hope by the time this comes out, they have announced this and I haven't been dropped. Because you never know. But at the time of recording, I have been selected to be a judge for the Dublin Fringe Festival. I'm very smug about that. Thrilled. It's oozing off you. Oh, I'm made up about it. Yeah. And I'm also, I've had to sign things. I can't accept any, you know, bribes, sexual favours.

5:13No kissing. No kissing. No kissing. The top of the contract. I have to be impartial. And I can't judge things that I have any connection to. and it's all very serious because if you win You surely have a connection to a few of those? Actually not that many. There's a few people I know but someone else will judge them basically. But yeah, it's quite a big deal because if you win an award like that really pushes you on. So I don't know how we're going to do it. There's hundreds of shows.

5:43Denis:Do you know what the process is? Like you go in there with your own. So there's meetings now so I haven't had the meeting yet when we're recording this but there's 15, there's a load of judges and we have to see who's like a specialist in what areas does the farm have something like is their dad involved in the Dublin Fringe yeah click yes then they get the award is that kind of who gave loads of money to the Dublin City Council yeah I don't know and then like there's awards for like best show but then there's awards for like best actor and best set design and like the Oscars so very excited it's nice to kind of go and observe so I'm going back over again I don't know next week whatever Do you know who any of the other judges are?

6:27I don't know if they've been announced I won't say yet Do you know them? Yeah there's usually like a mix of like theatre makers and artists and Dublin people like influential people who have a say

6:42Denis:And they're flying you in? Flying me in The lad from Ennis? Yeah Well I'm an international star You are? Do you know? I was a huge success you deserve it I sold out last year Dublin Fringe is so good like comparing to Edinburgh in Dublin it's quite hard to get into the festival like they are it's a big process to get selected but they give you so much attention and like there's not that many shows everything sells really well like a lot of things are sold out before it even starts it's just a dream and like people are kind of excited they're waiting for it and they go to stuff whereas Edinburgh has like 3 ,000 shows so I have lots of friends who did Edinburgh very regularly to no one empty rooms very often yeah it's probably more regular kind of occurrence so Dublin is better it takes a bit more work can I tempt you into having a judge after party oh yeah like a Judge Judy themed after party perhaps yeah or a wig like you know the whole judge workout and stuff yeah yeah well there's an award ceremony then I'm gonna be oh you're gonna I get the big jacket oh it'll be out so that's that's usually somewhere cool and there's like a yeah hold do and supposing if I can get up on that stage now and present an award they'll never get you off you'll never get me off microphone glued onto his hand yeah it's nice as a as a as a a senior figure and when you're up there now mention you're part of a podcast oh yeah and of course I'd love to give the award to Dennis unfortunately he didn't make any effort to be part of it yeah it's very exciting and people really like if you do well at Dublin Fringe Ireland is not that big so you can end up like I got a review in the Irish Times for my Dublin Fringe show can you imagine like getting noticed by the Irish Times in any other situation It works a hell of a lot differently over here.

8:49Oh yeah. A hell of a lot differently. There's so many people fighting for attention. So that's nice. And there's a chill in the air, Mark. There's a breeze. Yeah. There's an autumn breeze.

9:01Denis:The days are getting shorter. Oh, it's all coming in now. It's coming. I don't do well in the winter, Mark. Yeah. I definitely have seasonal affective disorder. Yeah. I am having a heart attack that it's coming. I can smell it. it's like it's the same way you can smell it's fresher at spring you can smell the fear the winter fear coming in yeah crunch under the feet and everyone back to school back to school holidays are over now it's all gone everyone's making the lunches oh Christ everyone's making the lunches they're giving up on life do you remember the smell of a lunchbox after it's been used what was in your lunchbox okay I have to be awkward and difficult about this of course I didn't have a lunchbox I never had a lunchbox everything was a little bit

9:52Denis:disorientated it's actually probably a good name for it my mother would never get a lunchbox per se she'd also never get a lunch per se she was just a bit scattered so like I would say I had lunch but it definitely became a lot easier when I was able to buy lunch and go to the shop and stuff you know were you going to the shop in small school primary school no you couldn't you couldn't escape secondary school so like what would happen in primary school I don't know to be honest what was going on I'm not saying right I don't want to bring it across crisps no I don't want to bring it across so I was neglected in any way I just can't remember what I had for lunch and I definitely didn't have a lunchbox I think I think it was I think probably do you know what now that I think about it maybe tinfoil yeah which I absolutely despised despised but never had the lunchbox I don't know what that was about.

10:44Denis:Melial Ham. We would, yeah, we wouldn't be great, no, for the preparation for the back to school. It would all be a bit of a panic. Right. Like, covering, Jesus, there's some things I can barely say without, honestly, cardiac arrest. Covering the books, Mark. The night before. Yeah. Oh my. When would you buy the books? God. I'll buy the books late and don't have half of them. Yeah. Like, to be honest, where'd you get them? Where would I get them? I'd get them in Phillips Bookshop. Hello. We'd go down to Phillips and we'd order in the books. Yeah. And should nothing be done. And we wouldn't get half the books and then I wouldn't have half the books for about six weeks.

11:19Denis:And it's very embarrassing then. It is, yeah. In the classroom, you don't have the book. Without book. I think I got better with that as I got older. Wouldn't really care anymore. But it is tough. But then you would have people, like, you know what was strange, actually, Jesus, all these things coming back to me now, was the kind of, there was a real, real stigma around secondhand books. Yeah, yeah, poverty. Which, well, Mr. Dunn's, did you have everything covered, done, sorted? My sister is five years older than me. So like her books didn't, they weren't really useful because they were, they had republished them by the time I came along.

12:06So I think I always had to get new books. We had a neighbor next door. she was the year ahead of me so sometimes she'd pass them down but then she went to a different big school so they had different books

12:17Denis:But it's bananas like they cost so much money Cost so much money A fortune and I honestly think I think it's big book I think it's big book like telling kids Oh yeah Second hand books are useless don't get these blah blah blah But I think a lot of them now are book schemes and stuff aren't they You just get the ones from the previous year and stuff like that I don't know Do they have books? Oh yeah they probably don't have books It's all AI now I think they have books I actually saw it It's all on the phones I saw a thing that said basically that that's a huge mistake and we shouldn't be doing it and all this digital stuff in classrooms is a disaster but So back to school what about the uniform?

12:51Did you have a uniform? Oh Jesus Christ What was your primary school uniform? Fucking horrendous Did you have us a visual?

12:57Denis:Grey v-neck sweater Yeah I have this thing that I get this intrusive thought for some reason Do you know the lads who used to eat their uniforms? They used to eat the sleeves off their uniforms sucking on the sleeve chewing on the yeah and stretching out the sleeve oh the stretchy lads yeah what were they at and the collar would be down with the shoulders what were they doing like but it'd be the fellas it'd be the fellas sucking away eating the wrist of the sleeve oh my god it would give me nightmares have you ever have you ever like Jesus scrunched polyester uniform between your teeth it is was it thick or thin so it was it was kind of like a choice.

13:38Denis:Some people would have some people would have like you know it's going to be dark grey some people would have like an off grey one. There's a big variety of them. It would still like it has to have the badge in it. Yeah. But they'd be made in different ways so people would get them from different places. And a shirt. Short tie. Colour shirt. Blue shirt. Grey top. Blue for boys. Yeah. Pink for girls. No it was all boys. No girls? All boys. All boys primary all boys secondary. Oh fuck. Yeah. A lot of testosterone. How did you turn out nice? I saw what was happening I said I don't want to be part of it Oh boys, primary school As well Baby school, young school I'm just trying to think, yeah I was honestly thinking there for a minute Did you go to play school?

14:22Denis:Play school, that was boys and girls So you saw girls when you were three Never saw girls until you were 20 Jesus Christ Madness I think it definitely You probably don't adjust very well like you don't even know half the carry on relation of the world you've never met them Jesus did you have any girl mixing groups or sport or so as they were growing up like it was all lads in my estate as well oh my god so do you know girlfriend friend who was a girl probably not oh my god let me think let me just think was there any when I was in primary school a bit of Denson no when I was in primary school no like You would have just been getting to know girls come secondary school.

15:11Denis:Wow. So the link wouldn't have been there. How would you know them in the summer? The disco. You would have known them. You'd know of them. You'd know of them. There was a girls' school that was quite close. So, you know, some people who would be better ingrained into that ecosystem. Do you know Emma Doran? Yeah. She tells a very funny story about, she went to, I'm almost sure this is right, she went to an all-girls school, I think, and she used to say there was a boys school down the road, but they used to stagger the starting times of the girls school and the boys school in case they'd like start riding.

15:47Like a risk that they might see each other and start riding. Isn't that very funny?

15:50Denis:Well, I have actually the kind of terrible experience of that. Yeah. Where we would get out and we would go to what we call the side gate, which is now actually walled off because it caused so much trouble. And that would be the route that the girls would come down at lunch. Oh. Mostly at lunch, actually, or at the end of the day. You know, like a Friday would kind of be. Yeah. Like a Friday would just be fucking pandemonium. Yeah. They'd walk past and there's like, it could be a hundred lads there. Oh. Outside. Oh my Lord. Chasing them. not a good look for the town chasing them would you get the bus together anything?

16:24no?

16:24Denis:you know now that I look back on this right and I feel really on the spot this was bizarre wasn't it? yeah no I had no how did you go to school? walk walk okay so there's a couple of different there's a couple different ways I went to school right walked later on I was probably like early secondary school if I could and it was raining otherwise I would go with my mother sometimes but my my dad would work nights a lot so he wouldn't be home in time to bring me so then I would go with my friend's mother and that was the most chaotic experience of all time so there was a couple of things that needed to happen for her to have a good morning one of them was for my friend Sean to get his sandwiches he would have to bring his sandwiches over the house nine times out of ten like five days out of five almost he would forget to get his sandwiches which would start the nuclear apocalypse that would happen in the car turn this car around yeah so one day we drove down there was a very bad traffic problem and she actually taught she was a teacher in another school and she had to drop us off first and we were we were driving down and there was a maybe a line of 20 30 cars and she decided that the best way to get to school was to drive down the wrong side of the road oh Jesus so yeah no I think back Mark maybe it was a little bizarre I wanted to walk to school like I would have but in terms of in terms of like meeting girls along the way or just being friends with them.

17:49Denis:No. It just wasn't happening. No dancing, no taekwondo. No taekwondo, no. There was a big surge of taekwondo. There was, yeah. For a couple of years. Yeah, you'd see a lot of them walking around the town. And no one was of that culture. No, no. It'd be some lad from Limerick. We were getting stuck into it, like. Opened a studio or something. Some lad called Liam, like, and he started off. He was the master of the taekwondo. or jiu-jitsu all these things yeah like a Steven Seagal what's the other one called is it the Brazilian dance one no the other like fighting oh my god karate yeah oh yeah loads of lads from Limerick learning karate suddenly masters of karate don't know about that yeah um god and then you'd walk what would you do what would you get in the shop would you go to the shop and the lunch we had a fantastic we had a fantastic shop for lunch we'd go to Lucy's Butchers they did the most amazing chicken rolls in the world Yeah They were Two euro Three euro Oh phenomenal Yeah And I actually did them a good deal I did that man a good deal I said a lot of the students here Are going over To the shop across the way To get milk I was like You put a bit of milk inside of here Like at the whole lunch They'd buy a bottle of milk Yeah Like they'd buy a bottle of milk But they'd go across To the supermarket To get it So I said You're losing out a trick here Lads sell milk And you'll get that as well And you'll get more people coming in There's loads of lads In Cork Drinking bottles of milk They love it I used to drink loads of milk Jesus I drink milk.

19:16Denis:I don't even drink milk anymore. I drink. I love drinking milk. I used to come home from school, right? I do. I'm revealing way too much here, right? I'm going to sound like pre-psychopath serial killer, right? I used to come home. I haven't mentioned this before, have I bought the oranges and the apples? Don't think so. I used to come home, right? And I do one of three things. I would have, I have a big pint of milk, that would be standard. Yeah. And I'd get a huge packet of chocolate digestives. Yeah. And I might eat the entire packet of them. Oh yeah. Right? as my dietary requirements for the day would be 150 digestives the other thing I do then to get a little bit of fruit sustenance is I would get I would do one of two things I would get a knife a spoon and an orange a big orange and I would cut it open like a coconut and then I would scrape the insides of it out and eat it like that I don't know if you've ever done that before and then the other one I'd do is I'd have an apple and I would cut tunnels into it and eat it that would even have you might no dinner straight to bed the dinner would come later but I've talked about the dinner before.

20:15Denis:Yeah. The dreaded orange fish. Yeah. The water stew and stuff. We had a period of grapefruits. Oh yeah? Scooping. Scooping out the grapefruits. That was, or kiwis. You seem, you give me so much shit on this podcast for being a bit socially, socially upward, right? Yeah. Which I think is false, right? But funny nonetheless. Yeah. You seem like a very well put together out in Ennis. Grapefruit is, there's something fancy about a grapefruit there is something did you have melon but these things don't cost anything they just have notions but they're not expensive like I know it's no more expensive than an apple but it's just a bit of glamour I know but our Irish parents were so like I'm trying to think of the right word that isn't insulting because it's not it's not meant to be but you know like they're very like this is what we're used to stay in this corner stay in our lane don't be ruffling things up no by getting a grapefruit I wouldn't know what to do with it yeah do you know What class of a thing is this?

21:14Denis:Yeah, they wouldn't want to go near it. Like, they just want what they're used to because they're glad to have it. And I'll apple. You know, I'll apple. And get the right apple as well. Yeah. Don't be getting the wrong apple. God. But how were you when you were going back to school? Did you have everything? I'd say primary school, I don't really remember so much. I think we just kind of got through it. Secondary school was a bigger fuss. Very concerned about the uniform, the shape of the uniform. Do you know, like... Were you... Can I ask you a question? I was gay. Were you? I knew it I knew there was something Okay Did Were you the same shape Throughout your life I was tall And lanky Yeah Yeah I was kind of awkward shaped Yeah So yeah the jumpers They were never For them to be Long enough They were like Made for someone 20 stone So they were saggy And I hated them And then I used to have 20 stone shoes They were big Like they'd be XXL Or something Just for the sleeves to come down so I'd be pulling the sleeves then I used to smoke You smoked?

22:17In school Oh you So I used to have should you be hiding the smoke then from the teachers Hiding up the uniform? The plastic sleeve was all burnt that was very common You were a bit of a Dirty naughty I was kind of I was a bit I was kind of a mixture of things like I was I was still playing the organ in the church like I was a good lad but then I was a bit of an emo Oh were you? Oh yeah I was a bit

22:41Denis:Did you hang around in the like emo spot yeah where did you hang around did you have a spot no where in particular but we'd have a little like there would be a little gang of us mostly girls and we'd have our little I could have done with hanging out with your crew they were nice kind of yeah did you go how emo did you go oh yeah a little bit of eyeliner little I'd always have like like a long sleeve top under a t-shirt did you bow the head a bit like in yeah I had the fringe I used to cut my hair For myself It was shocking Jesus Christ Very bad Spiky Long fringe Used to dye it red Sometimes Just the fringe?

23:21Very bad Whatever bit It was a mess Yeah And we'd go around Listening to Fallout Boy And Evanescence And Yeah There was a few of us Who were into that stuff And we thought we were very cool And probably only like Three or four bands So we were a little bit Little bit edgy But then I was still The good boy doing the church in the choir.

23:43Denis:Did you de-emo yourself in the church though? Did you have red hair in the church? There's no way they would have let that happen. I would have, yeah. Eyeliner and red hair up in the church? Not eyeliner, no. That was very rare. Yeah. And I'd be mortified like scrubbing it off then to make sure no one saw it. It's only like if you went to a party or something. Oh, okay. Yeah, so, but yeah, very bothered. And the trousers were baggy and shite and just never fit properly. And then the shoes. Did you have the big Clark shoes? Big shoes. and it's just nothing ever fit properly but then we kind of started to rebel a little bit and you'd always have a jacket if you had a cool jacket like a denim jacket or something that kind of that was your that was your trademark we weren't even allowed to wear jackets they started bringing in like school jackets which you'd have to buy and they were awful because your jacket was your that was your character a little bit of a little bit of uniqueness or you might take off the shirt to go down the town during lunch you might have a cool t-shirt or something to show off.

24:42Denis:Oh, would you open the shirt? Would you let the shirt open and have the cool t-shirt on underneath it? Yeah. I'd say you were a bit of a cool dude, really. I was trying to be. I was in and out. Yeah. I was changing all the time. It was a bit of a mess. What's the... Do we have time? Yeah, go on. What's the one thing that... This is still the first half, isn't it? This is the first half, yeah. Someone complained the episode was too short a few weeks ago. Someone said they were cleaning the house and they had timed the cleaning of the house to 40 minutes. Seen the host a bit faster. She had to stop because the episode was only half an hour.

25:14Denis:Who was that? Mr. Sheen? Yeah. Christ almighty lads, we'll do our best. What was the one thing that you dreaded going back to school? Like, you know, getting sorted or ready. Not like the school experience, but like, what was that one thing that gave you like that school fear? The bag. I think packing the bag and trying to know what to put into the bag. I'm still the same. What are you bringing around? You actually are. Bringing everything around. I have class. do I need that book and then oh my I might leave it in the locker and now shite I have homework I should have brought home that book it was so much planning or I have an essay to write but it's not due till next week I don't need that and then you decide you're going to do that job and you forgot the book so many books and some subjects would have three books like a workbook and you'd have they all also just acted like independently right so they like which I think is completely unfair it's like they're all going well this is what you all have to do and it's like are any of you communicating with each other like that we have the most amount of work in the world to do now or that we have to bring home 40 books so many books so heavy and yeah just just wrecked dragging them around the bus in the early days the bus was always a bit scary because there was big boys and they were mean and my bus was like an hour journey oh that's rough so that was tough but then I got older and then I got cool and I used to be down the back of the bus with the girls sitting down the back of the bus but it was only like the last year or so because before that there was always Were you smoking on the bus?

26:44No smoking on the bus You might smoke just before they get on the bus Of course you would Half day Wednesdays Did you have that? No we didn't have Oh we had half day Wednesday That was chaos Everyone finishes at one o 'clock Yeah But the bus didn't come for like an hour So you had an hour around the town That's when they're kissing Kissing behind the community centre Big time on a Wednesday And you'd plan it You'd be texting he said I'm going to see you Wednesday I'm going to give you a kiss you build up to it after a big chicken roll for fuck's sake

27:16Denis:oh that's disgusting yeah yeah yeah stuffing and bread what else was I scared of I mean PE like this is such a basic thing but I I was physically just traumatized by every single week the the risk or whatever knowing that PE is coming down the road I hated it so much What did you hate? I just hate I just felt so awkward I couldn't do I was good at basketball but I just couldn't do I didn't want to do it I don't want to do this why are you making me do this just leave me alone I hated it I think it's so super easy for them to make it extremely accommodating Just leave me alone But like as in like let's all go for a walk or like at the very least no just a walk we can go for a walk you know what I mean or we could throw her on the beanbag or you know what I mean and she was good to be fair she was better she was nice and like it wasn't all football football she would get us to try kind of funny things and I think it was better because sometimes PE is like a big football man and he's like come on now lads but she wasn't like that she was actually lovely but I just hated it and I used to come up with excuses Do you know I don't know if I've said this before but I remember we went to in primary school where we go swimming did you do that?

28:48Denis:We had a swimming pool like right next to the school No We went not as part of school But we went swimming with a woman who I have no problem saying was one of the worst human beings that I've ever met in my life I shouldn't have been anywhere near a classroom Me What? What? Mean. Horrible. Horrible person to poor kids in second class. Desperate person. And there was this kind of mass hallucination then in the town where like they were going, oh sure we can't do anything about that. I'm like, why? Like why can't we do anything about this? She was horrendous. But I remember she used to bring the class swimming and like we used to go in as kids with towels and stuff.