#33 What we Smelled like as Teenagers

0:00Denis:This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. That is fire! Whoa, that's good. This might be the drink of the summer. Okay, I like this one too.

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0:54Denis:Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mark T. Cox. Hello, Dennis Lynn. This week we're talking about goats, dreams and the far right. And I'll be telling Dennis all about my spooky costumes for Halloween.

1:09I've had an injury at the shoulder.

1:12Denis:Oh no. From the tote. The tote? I've been going around dragging a tote bag on one side and it's put me all twisted and hurt. Do you want the gun? Well. It's clean. do you know you're synonymous with a tote bag as well yeah it's bad news it weighs you down and now I have this really tense muscle on my shoulder and it's I think it's from that because the other side is fine so I need to rebalance myself going to have to get two tote bags two totes t-shirt in each yeah and I have no shoulders so they slide off like I'm I'm not very broad so they're just they're no good are you well? I'm great I'm good I'm a bit sleepy I'm just away back from your holidays A little bit, but I'm also feeling like the season has changed.

1:59Denis:Yeah. The coldness, the nip. The wind. Yeah. I did a day of walking tours today for American students. They were blown away by the tour. They were blown away, like wind, like picking them up off the ground kind of wind. No, you weren't. The wind was like, there's some light young people. it was very very treacherous and very noisy and irritable and they're like they're Gen Z when does Gen what age is a Gen Z? A Gen Z is getting old enough now that there's one behind them there's something like that Gen Alpha I'd say what they're like 20 what are they 23 to these were like 1920 probably I'd say they're nearly Alpha something else and you know they're lovely but they're not particularly engaged you know like a lot of our listeners I think there is you know what I'm glad know is we're in that point in our lives where we can just, you know, see the next generation.

2:58Denis:They're not like us. They're lovely but they're just they give you nothing. They're very, you know you know the kind of half closed eyes, the Billie Eilish eyes of like literally like closed asleep. That was kind of what I was getting back. Lovely. And then at the end they're like that was amazing. I loved it. But the the reactions aren't there. No they're not. And have you ever tried to like strike up a little conversation, like chit chat to a, doesn't happen. Silence. Doesn't happen. They're so scared. They're so, so scared. I think it's because a lot of their time is probably like their interactions have been built around.

3:36Denis:Like if I was an iPad, if I was walking around and I was an iPad. They'd be like, hello. Do you ever have them in the comedy, in the show, in the audience? Yeah, they hate it. They don't laugh at anything. Silence. Yeah, they hate it because they're so scared. They're so scared of laughing at the wrong thing. Maybe. Oh, I think so. Like we actually did a gig before where the people were so confused as to what to laugh at. Yeah. Because they were so afraid of like offending whatever. But you know. Oh yeah. You know and I was kind of like there's nothing. I forgot about that. That's before we were business partners.

4:07Denis:Yeah. That's when I spotted old Marky T. Cox. Oh what did I say? He was giving out to the audience. I said hello. You said to them what are we doing here? Yeah. And you're giving him a little slap and I thought this is great. I often think about that. I made a very important purchase during the week except I got dragged online for it. Okay. Jesus, there's a lot of people online. They actually got you involved as well. Oh. Yeah. Which? I bought a huge bottle of Lynx Africa 3 in 1. I saw that. 3 in 1? 3 in 1. What's the third? So you got your hair. Yeah. You got your skin. Yeah. What else is there?

4:46The arse.

4:46Denis:The arse? The arse. What's the third? Conditioner? it's hardly shampoo conditioner shampoo shower gel must be conditioner what the hell is the other one yeah I've seen five in ones so ah stop we're still short a couple of them you can get a five in one what the hell is that what would you use it for a bath a bubble bath three probably three in one yeah I've got that that's going to do me for the next six months oh my god people were it was like how big is this huge a litre I needed it you know one of those little classic American wagons I didn't really bring one of those down the road down the road people are not happy people said you're going to have a word with me yeah I wouldn't agree with it we've started transferring our potions and things into nice aesthetic little bottles in the bath you don't want a big dirty thing from Sainsbury's in the bath so we have these nice brown containers and then you squeeze in your shower gel and it looks nice your house is full time I'd say is it?

5:44non-stop but then there's a tiny little tiny little sticker on it and it says shampoo or shower gel so it's a bit confusing for the guests Did you did you make those labels? No no they were on it Oh they came with it Yeah but for a guest I do have to kind of escort them in Yeah Some of the listeners might have been

6:03Denis:a guest Do you have a unique smell? Do you have a smell that you associate with Marty Cox? I wear a lot of ishamayaki Oh yeah of course I said that with an extra lisp by accident excuse me Yeah that's quite nice I go between Issey Miyake I like wearing two For a little bit of a At the same time Yeah yeah yeah And then you You shake it up You might put one here And one here Where? Different places One in the neck Where would you put the other one? Behind the knee Behind the knee is a trick Who is smelling behind your knees? Well No like really Not well Like who Think about it The knees go up oh oh yeah and then you get like a new smell nice I'll say you do you do excuse me yeah a bit of that a bit of isamiyaki and then I travel with the Calvin Klein because they do this tiny little bottle and it fits in your little travel bag yeah but they can be prone to leakies because they don't they're always leaking in my bag your lisp has gone bad I'm very tired I've been around a lot of LGBT people what you wear so it's as always it's a long story but I I have been getting new ones obviously they've been given to me gifted to me yeah someone taking very good care of me I oh I really wish I could remember what it is I actually got it from Zara there's some nice ones around there can I they do lovely yeah I don't know is Zara cancelled I don't know I got it from a shop that I won't name I think they are I think everything is I got it from a shop I won't name but it's really nice and it's called something like Electric New York oh it's actually really nice yeah and then I got a little travel one as well what are the tones what are the oh the tone man yeah you know manly man and fresh man Zara unless they're cancelled so we won't mention but they had a nice kind of smoky woody kind of a oh oud yeah like a tobacco-y leather-y like man yeah yeah like living inside a lad's wallet or something Yeah, leathery couch kind of.

8:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.

8:16Denis:I was thinking though, I think it's courtesy when you get in a new relationship to re-smell. Okay. Do you agree? Like I think that when you get in a new relationship, a new, let's say, committed relationship, that it's time to change your smell. Okay. The new person deserves a new you, you know. Okay. Have you changed or you're about to change? Oh yeah, no, I've re-smelled, yeah. Lynx. Yeah, I've gone back to Lynx. Lynx Apollo. I went from Lynx Apollo to Lynx Africa. What did you have when you were small? When I was small, I think this is telling a lot. Yeah. When I was a small, when I started off, the first thing I ever put anywhere near me was my dad's old spice.

8:54Denis:I love it. Yeah. You say that with such, you should see his eyes. Honestly, you say it with such care. Yeah, there's something there. Is that from nostalgia? Yeah. Just man, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Every man in the country had old spice. And you splash it. Yeah. So you'd have buckets of it on. You splash it and it's kind of sore. Yeah, it is, especially after you shave. Yeah, yeah. But isn't that funny though? At one point in time, I think in Ireland, every man smelled the same. Yeah, lovely. I don't remember anything else coming into the house, ever. No, that was it. A little red bottle. Yeah, it was nice.

9:33Denis:And I need to be there for 14 years. Yeah, yeah, because you'd get a few of them every Christmas. Yeah, you would, yeah. And he'd be set. Yeah. Did you, what did you wear when you were, like, what did teenage Mark T. Cox wear? I had Lynx. I had, I think, like, cologne or perfume or something would be Hugo Boss. Which Hugo Boss? The Hugo Boss with the little screw top. I had that too. With the little strap on it. Yeah. And there was a glass one and there was kind of a metallic one. Yeah. And I'd put it, buckets, buckets everywhere. Smell you coming on the roll. Behind the knees, behind the toes, everywhere.

10:09I loved it, yeah. That still has a little, that gives me a little something.

10:14Denis:It's too much nostalgia for me when I smell that stuff. No, I like it. I had, I had the, oh, I had the Hugo Boss as well. Do you remember the one that had the kind of flat top to it and you'd press it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like kind of a springboard. I had that as well. And it wouldn't, it wouldn't spray out as much as kind of... Yeah, spit at you. Love that. Yeah. And then I went, oh, go on. Well, I had a brother as well. He was older. So I'd be stealing his things for a while. I think my own, yeah, my own ones were the Hugo Boss and all through college I had that I can see it I had nothing in my little apartment just little Hugo Boss I thought you'd be a CK into you CK what's that one it's uh it was just the one that everyone had at one point no I think it has a white white base to it there's a CK into you in the bottom it's very popular and there was another one then there was like a purpley no not purple blue kind of I can't I don't know what it was called oh my god and the one with the Jean-Paul Gaultier.

11:11Oh yeah. The body. The body of a man. That was nice.

11:15Denis:And it came in a big tin. Big tin. It came in a big like tuna tin. Yeah. I went through a particularly dark time wearing dupe. Love dupe. Yeah. And that's the purple one. Is it? There's a purple bottle of dupe. Okay. Yeah. That's it. That one, if I... Sweets. Smells like sweets. If I smell that now, that would, I'd probably end up in the air, like the amount of memories and stuff would bring back. Fingering. There's also a strange thing I noticed as well when you were younger was especially with girls is like and an ex of mine did this was like oh I want you to wear jupe oh because you know it smells like Stephen oh you know what I mean get her going yeah but like what in the name of God is that about like you know they'd smell some other guy and be like you should smell like Stephen wear red jupe she could close her eyes and think someone else smell behind my knees Christ anything else been happening yet you've been flying around So I started a new show and it's called The Weekend Review at Roses.

12:15And it's supposed to be a chat show. And everyone comes in to our lovely queer clubhouse and we do a review of The Weekend. Straightforward. and I like calling it the weekend revue. I think that's funny. And then, did I know that this weekend was going to be the collapse of society and the extreme far-right protests and all the things that have gone wrong? So I was like sitting on the stage doing the show, asking everyone, how was your weekend? And everyone's just like, we're terrified. Everything's gone to shit. It was a very interesting weekend. end. So the show was great and I had lovely guests and that's going to be every month.

12:59But like being around the city, because I was tour guiding, I was doing a queer history walking tour on Saturday in and amongst the flag people. And a lot of visitors, very kind of charmed by everyone waving their Union Jacks and their English flags, not realising what they represent now. I don't think there's much we can say that is new. It's kind of

13:24Denis:like a boring topic because everyone's talking about it i think i think the the change of how a flag is being used is mad though it is it is crazy it's happening in ireland too i know um it's used it's funny i think it's funny in ireland the way that it's being used now and i actually had a conversation with an older person who didn't really see a problem with like flying the flag and like being proud of it and stuff and i was kind of like yeah i understand if that's kind of you knowst patrick's day everyone's waving a flag great but it's more like there were flags used against us before yeah even in let's say up north and stuff in a very oppressive way and now we're using them in an oppressive way yeah in ireland and it's like no irony there like whatever about over here but like need to get our shit together get the shit together it was it was bad now 150 000 people though yeah like that is bad news like it's it's you know it'll always be kind of played down in some of the papers and stuff but i mean i know this sounds this is negative but like we're in for a bad time bad time coming it's here gonna be a new government oh yeah yeah come on baddies the corner baddies not a bit of style not a bit of like jesus like you'd love to just i'd love to if i wasn't afraid of getting like beaten up i'd love to just talk I'm like what the hell is this about what's gone wrong that you've ended up travelling to London from all over the country they were all on the train and it's like a big football match like big excitement big day out there's a lot of there's a lot of grassroots organisation there and a lot of busing in and a lot of oh yeah like this is not just people deciding to hey you know what I'm going to go into that like there are groups out there you know the flag people the people putting up the flags we found out now they were all given those flags by Tommy Robinson's people they were told to do that they're all being like edged on to to do this and oh god anyway boring boring it is boring but it's boring but also it's um it's terrible can i say so i was wearing this t-shirt at the weekend so it's my mayo pride t-shirt and if you're not watching on a video it is black and white it says mayo pride and it has like fists up in the air and i've worn this a few times recently and I've been getting kind of smiles and kind of like nods from people that I normally wouldn't get smiles and nods from and I've come to realize that people are perceiving this to be like

15:57I get you like a white pride male pride white lives matter kind of thing

16:05Denis:like an ironic t-shirt almost right yeah because I wore one day in and around like Westminster, Buckingham Palace, loads of American people there and there was a lot of people who I don't know but I would assume are Trump-sided kind of people giving me smiles and nods and like thumbs up and I was like what the hell is going on? And it's perceiving me to be wearing a little racist t-shirt walking around. You do have a little bit of a military look to you sometimes. Yeah, so I'd just like to clarify, Mayo is a place and it has gay LGBT pride the thing is it doesn't matter though doesn't matter because you're not going to explain that you know like this whole like culture war and stuff like we lost like we did we lost and I think a lot of what like the you know in quotes left did was like explain and say actually no like here's the facts on that issue and it's like it doesn't matter no facts no one cares it doesn't matter people don't care like as in they don't riled up now there's loads of people I think that get involved in the conversation as well online and it's like they'll say what's wrong with waving a flag I'm proud to be you know British or whatever and they do truly believe that that's the level they're doing it at the problem is that they're seriously sinister you know and lots of them like people under that that are using that and I don't think people realise what they're getting swept up in where could we go we can't go anywhere we can just go here I'll tell you where I went there for a week.

17:36Denis:Yeah. I went to Italy.

17:41Denis:Don't know if that's much of an improvement. I went to Italy. Quite a lot of problems there as well. Went to Sicily. Oh. Which is even more magnified. Okay. What's the vibe? The vibe? I'm sure when you're a tourist you don't know anything. Well like, yeah, I mean it was, the vibe was they live up to some, you know, we have some Irish stereotypes and there's some Italian stereotypes that I've no problem to say that Italian drivers are absolutely horrendous. Okay. Rented a car. Uh oh. If you want to put your relationship to a test, right, go to a foreign country without the language and rent a car.

18:15Yeah.

18:15Denis:Holy Mary, mother of God. And on the wrong side of the road. Paddy, PO, like, was looking down on us. It's just nuts over there. The roads are tiny. Yeah. And people are just speeding along. Small car. So, it was the one time I did not want to get an upgrade. And of course, I made the guy laugh at the desk. And then he goes, I'm going to give you an upgrade and I was like I actually don't want an upgrade why do you mean because I was going from like a Fiat 500 to a bigger car and I was like I don't want a bigger car in Sicily scared it was so the streets are tiny oh oh I'm picturing countryside no no no oh you're in the towns I was in like the little towns and stuff that are ridiculous oh yeah I can picture you but we had a we had a great time over there except for the first day when we decided that we put in way too much and actually just side note on that we rented a lovely Airbnb uh well at least it looked lovely yeah until we realized that it was under the road grace and mount etna is in sicily as well which is one of the most active volcanoes in the world so every five minutes um she taught that uh the rumble over the road was the end of days so that was pretty stressful um but lovely airbnb other than that but we we rented a car and at the end of the day of traveling on the first day because we're getting loads of stuff done getting all the Instagram pictures and stuff.

19:35Denis:We arrived and this honestly is the biggest test of any relationship. Going to a toll booth with no cash. Oh. It's an unexpected toll booth. There's no one in the toll booth. Stuck. And there's cars lining up behind you. Beeping. What do you do? And we're sitting there and I was starting to sweat a little bit and I was like, I actually don't know how to get out of this. So then we pressed, you know, the talk to me thing or whatever. So I'm speaking Italian. I'm adjourned now. don't have a clue what they're saying don't know if it's even recorded don't know if I'm actually talking to a robot or if I'm talking to someone real and then she says do you want me to get out yeah not expecting that I was actually going to say yes I need you to get out she I mean poor girl nearly at heart attack had to run across about four lanes of traffic to go over to the Italian man who doesn't speak English she doesn't speak Italian two of them are she's going in like do you know blonde just dress running across the tolls with a 10 pound British sterling yeah please going across your man doesn't understand what's happening and then miraculously the gate opens great she's four lanes away oh good luck goodbye so I have to drive on and she told me afterwards that when she turned around she thought I'd drove off yeah so she lands into the car we're both covered in sweat end of the day and she's just like I just need a moment I just need a moment I know turned around the Italian lad was coming after her.

21:04Yeah. If that was a movie now you'd take off laughing and you'd pull in somewhere and start riding. But in reality you just have a big fight.

21:11Denis:We sat in silence going up the curves of the road for 25 minutes. Yeah. I can imagine. Yeah. So a great holiday. Loved it. Mountedna was cool though. I did go to Mountedna and that was amazing. She didn't blow up. No. The only problem with that was though she wasn't too enthusiastic about going and seeing it because she thought I was bringing her to a viewing point. No the mountain I mean Didn't blow up Oh no it didn't No no no eruptions But she thought It was a viewing point She wasn't really Like into it too much Until I brought her On a cable car And then a 4x4 bus And then made her walk Like honestly Mark The bit that we walked on It was up 3000 metres And on the side Like if No railings Nothing Yeah No If you fell off You're dead Like absolutely dead And I was doing the thing Because I brought her on it I was going like No this is fine It's all fine Don't worry about it my stomach was doing flips it was it was cool it was really cool but like I don't want to nearly dead no nearly dead I don't want to do that I'm not allowed on the cable cars in volcanic regions regions because the pacemaker what do you mean yeah it breaks it or something there's something what like magnetic if there's volcanic dust you know the way they can't fly planes in volcanic air Mark I was going to bring you home a little lava rocket a magnet don't come near me yeah I'm not allowed we went to Japan one time and I ruined the whole trip because there was a sign I was like that's probably okay but then also you're in Japan so you don't want to have a it's a long way from home you don't want to have a medical issue so I wouldn't be able to go with you well what happened in Japan?

22:50oh we went to a place where there was like a steam like sauna area like onsen town volcanic town and and I wasn't allowed on the cable car so we had to change the plan just get a bus. Devastating. Yeah. Have you been on the cable car in the Royal Docks? No. In London. Do you know the thing that goes across to the O2? I actually don't. You don't? The cable car in London? No. It's fine. It just goes across a very kind of ugly part of the city. You can go if you want. Yeah. So I do that. Do you think people are at it in cable cars? We were wondering that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you're quick though.

23:36Not a very long journey. Do you remember they were going to build a Suez in Dublin? Oh, what's the Suez? The Suez was the Lewis up. They were going to build a cable. Do you remember the boom times? Yeah, yeah. All these big projects. They were going to build a cable car along the River Liffey in central Dublin. Call it the Suez. They didn't. No, they didn't build anything. They didn't build anything. Oh my God. Can I ramble on about this for a minute? Yeah. The disgrace of Dublin Airport is an embarrassment to the nation. Everyone from all over the world coming to this European global capital city.

24:10Is it the wealthiest country in Europe or something? Or some, yeah. The highest, like the most expensive city in Europe. And you're queuing up to get on a bus to go into the city. It is a joke. I was so like, just so annoyed. I'm like, can we just get our shit together? It's so embarrassing. because I'm trying to like we're all trying to do stuff and promote Ireland and like shake off all the shite that people say about it and then this nonsense of like there's no signs nothing is clear and you have to keep asking people questions where's the bus and which bus am I supposed to get and then they had us queuing up for a few minutes and then they were like oh we're changing the bus now and you have to it's all people explaining that there's no like it doesn't just run intuitive just use the system you have to keep asking questions

25:01Denis:I found I don't know if it's the same way as it used to be but I found that Dublin bus drivers were the meanest people I've ever met in my life well oh hang on they were so mean tone it down a small bit do you know what sometimes they're not they don't understand that people don't know where they are you've gotten off a plane and you're saying oh this bus is going to Sandy Sandy Mount they're like what the hell is Sandy Mount I want city centre I want O 'Connell Street simplifiers it's so confusing for people. I feel that Dublin bus drivers are not very helpful. There we go. Sometimes. Sometimes.

25:36Denis:And sometimes, unless you jump out in front of them, they won't stop. Oh, I'll tell you a wild story, right? That is a reflection. There's two things that are massive reflection of London, right? I wasn't actually going to bring up one of them, but now that we're in it. I went over to Italy, right? And granted, there's things that are wrong with Italy, right? A lot of things that are wrong, right? But, you know, overall, like people chat to you, they're pretty nice. um and when i was in la i had the same experience right london you are showing yourself up like real bad like even the problems with dublin and stuff at least you can chat away to people i was coming off of the plane um on saturday let's go off the plane late late trip i was walking along and there was blood on the floor yeah and blood dripping away on the floor and i was kind of saying right you know i mean i'll hold my hands up but i was kind of going who's doing that like you know like what the hell is this like like you know if you got a nosebleed or whatever sort this out right whatever you know not being very um considerate i suppose at the time we get up then to um the stairs that were about to pop down and there's an old man in his 80s right and his head is cut oh and he's got a small little tissue and his blood going on his face right yeah there is probably right and whoever you are burn in hell there's probably 40 people that have just passed the man out and it's a tiny i mean it's a tiny little corridor right like you've no excuse you had to see him and so myself and herself are there and like we stop immediately and we go like oh my god are you okay like you know and he's a bit disorientated and we're like oh can you you know sit down now there's because it's such a small little corridor there's a line building up behind us because I put down my suitcase you're in the way now no I'm in the fucking way people try and shuffle through they kick you the guy and I'm just like can you give it a break lads this man is bleeding like no so um then you know like we go to sit him down whatever and like someone comes to help or whatever but i'm just like there's 40 50 people in front of us i know that um that haven't haven't done anything it's all gone wrong it's scandalous like it's absolutely it actually it really pissed me off i was just like little man what happened he fell uh yeah i'd say he i'd say he fell and he's probably like maybe fell up the stairs or something and then carried on a little bit and then you know like got a little disorientated whatever it's like lads we're gonna be old soon I know Do you know what I mean Like we're going to be old one day Like you want someone To look after you But I was like Oh you pricks Sorry this is Where was it There was another point That I had Italy London Italy London LA Bollocks I can't remember what it is Carrots Pasta Carrots Do you have any pasta Pistachio Lovely pasta Yeah Lovely pasta Pistachio pasta It's really nice Oh Yeah They're like They do pistachio Like nobody's business over there Okay A pistachio ice cream A pistachio drinks I had a pistachio Pasta I don't know Ham It was lovely God And no present No present this time I've brought you a gift Every single time That's it So goodbye We take a break We will indeed

28:40Are we back? We're back Hello I have to make an apology To the public So I was I was coming through Gatwick Airport last week And There was a gay On the airplane and we were kind of crossing eyes at each other and I didn't think much about it. And then I was scooting through with the bag. You know, when you're pounding through, like you've got off the plane, you're flying, you're on the go. And we kind of bumped into each other and I had kind of walked past and he said, oh, I love the podcast. But I was kind of gone and I kind of was a little bit short and I'm sorry. I kind of swung around and was like, oh, thanks very much.

29:20and I ran off and it's been on my mind for the last two weeks ever since. So thanks. I don't know who you are but thanks very much.