#35 Irish Weddings Are Getting Out of Hand (and the Embassy Sausage Story)

10:51Denis:you dressed as a sailor

10:53Mark:I needed to steal the show so yeah I wonder if that your poor sister in her communion dress and you're dressed as a pirate next door yeah yeah yeah look at me but we stopped doing that then I'd say when I was five or six that was the last family portrait except Senti like Christmas yeah but when my brother was young like in the 80s they did it all the time

11:17Denis:it's big news big news but a lot of my cousins and stuff have them done or like Jesus when you walk into nowadays yeah but they're from years ago okay but now when you walk into a family home and you see one of those I just look at it going like they're just yeah they're a little bit incesty aren't they? a bit too intimate posing yeah you know you know the jeans and the white top one yeah not the bleached white yeah yeah white background white skin and everyone's kind of on top of each other a little bit

11:52Mark:are they kind of like maybe the kids are leaning

11:55Denis:like the the wife is pregnant and the top is pulled up and the dad is behind the wife holding the belly

12:01Mark:yeah

12:02Denis:while there's a kid on top of their heads do you know that kind of thing?

12:05Mark:cutie poses

12:06Denis:yeah little cutie poses yeah

12:07Mark:I know

12:08Denis:but it's kind of like you know like the mother is nearly being sexy wife but then yeah the family's just like what the hell is going on

12:15Mark:yeah it gives a bit of like Christian middle America yeah it does

12:21Denis:but I think that's what the influence is yeah

12:23Mark:definitely is that waspy kind of thing there's a lot of people printing out pictures in boots on those big canvases and putting them around the house yeah but they're not the most like creatively directed photos.

12:40Denis:That's a bit judgy. Do you know what they're just kind of... What do you want from an average family in like I don't know, Cantorque or something?

12:47Mark:But they're just kind of nice pictures from a birthday or something. Yeah. In, you know, just in a house or like in a garden. It's not a studio. Yeah, but you want like a Matisse or like a

12:59Denis:Bauhaus something up on the wall.

13:01Mark:But they'll have it like over the fireplace. Like, is that really good enough for that?

13:06Denis:I'm never bringing you into my house. You'd absolutely slay the place. Actually, I'll bring you into Lisa's place. It's lovely. What else is new? Oh my God. Where were we going? We were off on some trail there before we saw photographs. I was under the bed. And then we said something about photographs.

13:20Mark:And then we got completely taken away. I can't remember. I've gone to the studios. Anyway, the house is currently been invaded by these men. Ah, yes. the electricians that are coming in and checking things out. I'm sure it's fine. But then you're like, are they going to... I started plugging out things. I started hiding then all the like multi-plug adapter, multi-board things. Because I'm like, they're probably going to tell us where a hazard. Because we have an awful lot of things plugged in, trailing around, extension leads and extension leads. Oh dear God. A lot of lamps.

13:52Denis:We have hundreds of lamps. Yeah, loads of candles as well. So I hid the candles. Yeah, you probably shouldn't be hopping the extension leads. and I bet they're not even like really good extension leads either No, no, no Just bought down in Dalston off some lad in a market Yeah, dodgy shops Yeah, and it says Sarge protection instead of Sarge protection You can't do anything about it Never told you I'm off to a wedding at the weekend Oh God I got my suit Yeah I had to go get it dry cleaned from the last time I wore it to a wedding and I was wrecked

14:20Mark:How does the suit look?

14:21Denis:The suit looks great Great fit What's the style? Blue Yeah It's got a nice little nice shirt that has kind of a little blue trim here and there oh and kind of blue blue like lining or not lining but you know like a blue line around some of the buttons some sort of blue there's it's very very nice you can wear it without a tie yeah it's quite nice ties are back ties are back thank god back big time you know what thank god because sorry no i've just feel very strongly about this there's a lot of a lot of cool dudes going to weddings before yeah do you know the cool dudes it's not even their wedding and they come in sorry i suppose you know what it It might be, like, maybe a wedding that you're going to might be all cool people, right?

15:02Denis:Yeah. But, like, you know, very blue suit, very navy suit. The groom is up there wearing what he thinks is his cool thing. And then some lad just walks in in a red suit and a dickie bow, you know, a bit of a Conor McGregor type.

15:17Mark:Oh, a tight suit.

15:19Denis:Yeah. Weld it onto him. And you're just going, lad, leave it out, like, you know, put on your navy suit, join the rest of us. Yeah. And let this be their day. I think it's the same as wearing white to a wedding.

15:30Mark:Like a flashy number.

15:31Denis:Like they're practically wearing a red tux. And they're swanning in then. Do you know? And you're going, down the back of the church. Get down there.

15:41Mark:You can be stylish. I don't know if you should be blaringly that.

15:47Denis:You can't be the main event. Unless the whole place is the main event. Yeah. I went to a wedding. Oh my God, there's another fella. Went to a wedding. this guy was wearing a suit and half the suit was piano keys. Ah, no. Come on. That's like something

16:04Mark:my mother would buy for me. She's always buying me piano ties. She'd think that'd be lovely for the stage.

16:12Denis:Isn't that funny? How do you think? And it comes from such a nice place. But she's thinking, okay, Mark likes pianos. He plays pianos. He likes dressing up. Piano suit. Piano on a suit. I have so many shirts.

16:25Mark:by God I've done it with pianos and musical symbols and things no I think you blend you can be stylish yeah you can you just don't have to come out loud steal the show

16:37Denis:my poor old brother actually speaking of like your mother getting him gifts my brother has got I'd say a brown quarter zip sweater yeah every year for fleecy yeah every year for the last 25 years yeah the same one he loves he loves the sweaters I've never once seen him wear it ever He gets it all the time And he just says thanks ma 'am that's great

17:02Mark:Yeah and he wouldn't just Say what he thinks

17:06Denis:No he's the golden boy He'd never do that

17:09Mark:So you have the suit have your shoes

17:11Denis:I have shoes Problem with the shoes I had a beautiful pair of shoes And something happened at a wedding And I have no recollection of it But it looks like my shoes were jammed under The gap in a door at some point not sure what was going on there scratched no I squished the front of them so I'm going to go with other shoes they're fine they're just like if you looked at my shoes they'd be fairly unremarkable

17:39Mark:I'd say no one would be looking

17:41Denis:no and to be honest I'm not going out spending 300 quid on a pair of really really fancy shoes not happening but anyway they're tap shoes no they're not but Mark a bit of a disaster the whole point I was telling this whole thing is went to the dry cleaners got it dry cleaned she went off to the dry cleaners and she brought back the suit for me and she said we'll try on the suit no we'll try on the suit right and of course I was humming and hawing being typical of me

18:08Mark:and I was like

18:09Denis:alright cool come on so we'll do a little fashion show right whatever she had me stripped down she wanted the shirt on first we couldn't touch the suit off of anything right because there's a big cat going around the place right and he sometimes has hairs around the place right he's a he's a large mass and um so she said can't touch anything can't touch the suit she gave me the shirt I put the shirt over me yeah there was one button tied this is where the trouble started burst fucking burst the suit you're so big wasn't home 45 seconds burst the suit you're so big and strong so big and strong my shoulders are huge and I put it on and I ripped the shirt oh oh lads the tension in the room in the room she gets out she gets out then she gets out honestly I think I don't know should I say this go on she has Irish mother energy oh she does a little bit told you off she likes to clock around the place yeah I'd say part of her was delighted I ripped the shirt do you know that way oh a job to do yeah she went off and she got the needle and she got the thread go 19 and she came in and she goes she was threading I'm trying not to laugh sucking the

19:24Mark:sucking the string sucking it for like 10 minutes and give it out

19:33Denis:and loving it like taking away too many paces around the room that's not needed you know the ironing board is being absolutely horsed open right and you start ironing whatever and you know like you said sucking on the needle and then she starts threading it and she goes oh oh you're gonna see it you're gonna see it you know and then she's like it's brilliant white it's brilliant white but they're just not matching they're just not matching anyway in the end she did a fantastic job yeah and she saw the whole thing but I was trying not to laugh like the hands were going everywhere and everything

20:05Mark:to 19

20:06Denis:it was like we'll have to you know she was basically going to say we'll call the guards we'll have to but should today's Tuesday the wedding's Saturday ah sure no this happens at the weekend a week before yeah it's panic can you sew a button I can sew a button she taught me how to sew a button yeah I need to sew a button I want a jacket to have can you? I probably could

20:24Mark:but I wouldn't You'd need a refresher? I wouldn't I'd put it off for a long time Slow to do those jobs

20:32Denis:Would you get someone to do it for you?

20:34Mark:Donald's good Yeah He'd fly around and do it I'm a bit slow We actually have a lovely dry cleaner Taylor fella down the road He's so good at doing jobs and he's so cheap I go to him all the time for like fixing a zip or something he's nice so she was flying around flying around where's the wedding the wedding is like in a what's the what's the flight are you gone for a weekend is it just a day oh no just a day

21:05Denis:we're up and down okay carriages at 12 oh the Brits

21:12Mark:get out the door they wrap it up

21:15Denis:carriages at 12 yeah

21:17Mark:they tell you can you imagine an Irish wedding giving you a finish time it would be I think they are not joking they might burn the hotel down you wouldn't dream of it this is going to go on for as long as it goes on yeah and we're going to be corpses in the reception of the hotel at 6 o 'clock in the morning

21:34Denis:and there will be people at the breakfast the next morning wearing the suits they wore yesterday oh 100 % because they haven't gone to bed aren't you a great man Michael yeah you're 40 pints yeah and were you in the residence bar I was in the residence bar what time did you go to bed I went I haven't even gone to bed

21:48Mark:yeah

21:48Denis:up all night yeah up all night and we'll go again doing nothing

21:51Mark:is what I like sitting around the corpses thrown around

21:58Denis:the residence bar they'll say then like oh we did a great sing song we did a great sing song and like if you actually went back and recorded what was happening sure I'm sober I know wailing hard like the head the head not even propped up just down behind their necks wailing the wild rover

22:13Mark:like you know in total silence yeah because everyone is unconscious it's they just won't stop they won't give it up and go to bed

22:21Denis:and like you know older lads there as well like who definitely are probably walking the line of like this may be killing them at some point and then oh my god and then someone brings out Caledonia do you know Caledonia? Great one oh it's absolutely do you sing it? I know it I will end myself if you ever bring that up it's a big one you hear do you know as well is you're like there's a bit of a sing song going on where it was good and then you hear an acoustic guitar being kind of knocked off a wall or something it's been brought out of a bag you hear the clips or whatever and you're going oh sweet Jesus please stop this and then the person who's very reluctant to sing a song comes out and she sings her song we'd

23:00Mark:rarely have a guitar it's very just solo silent singing and then there's usually the song and everyone knows there's like a little three or four words at the end of every verse that everyone knows so everyone joins in

23:16Denis:humming and then there's about

23:18Mark:10 verses to the song

23:20Denis:oh Christ

23:21Mark:and everyone has their song yeah they do yeah and it comes around and you'll sing your song my father has a song and it's just you know you're gonna get it you're gonna wait for it you'll have to have a few pints yeah and then silence here we go

23:37Denis:one of the best songs I ever saw a person sing was my friend's uncle and if you spoke to him he'd be like oh sure Jesus how are we getting on you know blah blah blah like like nearly incoherent to um anyone in london would not understand what the hell he's saying right lovely guy right but absolutely driving on and then you think okay he's gonna go up and do seven drunken nights or he's gonna do one of these yeah he went up and sang randy travis who is a big country song singer um and he sang uh i'm gonna love you forever right so i'm gonna love you forever pitch perfect I was and I like Randy Travis right unless he's done something terrible in which case I don't but I was I was stunned you thought he was there oh my god it was absolutely unbelievable and then he comes on afterwards and goes I was like what the hell was that the American country accent and everything like it was phenomenal

24:33Mark:they all oh my gosh this is a whole this is a series the Irish show band country and western singers from Mollingar at Law and Longford was common with this big business Texas accent yeah big business yeah it's huge business getting bigger

24:59Denis:I have a secret little guilty pleasure where I have a couple of Instagram pages where they're advertising those gigs yeah and I watch them all yeah I watched them all It's weird though It's like Before You had the show bands And they were emulating I suppose something Kind of like What like Elvis and stuff Yeah yeah Things like that Like you'd have Dickie Rock Yeah And Joe Dolan And all these Stick it to me Dickie

25:24Mark:What was his catchphrase Dickie Oh Wasn't it spit on us

25:29Denis:Or something Spit on me Dickies Yeah it was What the hell Was that about

25:34Mark:People are listening to that Going what the hell Are they talking about Dickie Rock sex symbol, if you saw him. I know. The women just couldn't control themselves.

25:44Denis:What the hell was spit on me, Dickie? Why would I say that? That's like 100 years before Justin Bieber did it.

25:50Mark:Dickie Rock was, he has a lovely piece. Have you seen his piece? Oh my God, is he dead? I can't remember. I don't know. He surely did. But he was rocking a good wig. Joe Dolan, was he wearing a piece? I think Joe Dolan was probably intact. I'm not sure. Joe Dolan? can I say have we talked about Joe Dolan no he is so excellent his music is so unusual it's like jazz

26:16Denis:it's real like it's brilliant it's kind of like an evolved version of what they were doing with show band stuff but it was actually his own thing he was really good I'll tell you some great songs to listen that people might not know Westmead Bachelor by Joe Dolan is an absolute banger yeah I suppose we've got the classic ones of you know you're such a good looking woman

26:35Mark:that's a great time it is a great time the trumpets and it's like you're in Las Vegas

26:39Denis:I wonder is it a cover I don't think so I'm not sure

26:43Mark:I hope it's not

26:44Denis:he's such a good looking woman it is a banger like if you listen to that you will get going but Joe Dolan women loved him

26:50Mark:loved him

26:51Denis:but I think he was no yeah I think that was the thing I think that they were managing his image and stuff in the same way that they've done with like a million artists but I think that I think that he liked this podcast We'll have to get

27:07Mark:Some verification On that to be claimed

27:09Denis:I think No Why would I Like as in no I'm fairly sure Wow

27:13Mark:I mean there was a lot of style Yeah a lot of style A lot of swinging with the hips Do you know On the Dole Joe on the Dolan No The drag king No that's a fantastic name Brida from the Wild Geese Oh really Joe on the Dolan That's absolutely brilliant And She goes for Because the whole thing is These Sex symbols Were actually not very attractive like they were the most common country lads so she goes in with the full the unibrow and everything but back then it didn't really matter how you looked it was your vibe if you were on stage wearing a suit you had it all

27:53Denis:I think though you know at the same time like the women back then as well were wearing like you know what do you call them you know the fucking bonnets they were wearing bonnets when they were 24 you know like everyone looked 65 when you turned about 25 yeah like people don't or the headscarves the headscarves people don't understand how like you don't have to go back that far in Ireland and it looks like it's 18, 20

28:23Mark:yeah yeah yeah

28:24Denis:like everyone everyone like like condemned themselves to old age at about 24

28:29Mark:yes they were married at 19

28:30Denis:married kids the whole thing at 35

28:33Mark:Can you imagine if I was around in the 70s? 35. I'd be...

28:37Denis:If you're in the 70s, 35. I'd have three kids. I'd say, you know what you'd be?

28:43Mark:Dead.

28:44Denis:You'd be, besides, no, you wouldn't be dead yet. You'd have a family, obviously in Ennis, but you'd be a DJ around the country. Oh. You would. DJ Cox. You'd have a big, DJ Cox, and you'd have a big load of records. Yeah. Going around the place. Doing the weddings. Doing all sorts of things. Spinning the tunes. Yeah. Yeah.

29:03Mark:Did I ever tell you about our DJ at home? The priest? No. Oh my God. Father Spin. Father, I won't say his name. I do a bit in my show, I call him Father Darcy, Father DJ Darcy.

29:14Denis:Is that his name? No.

29:16Mark:He's dead and gone. But he was about 85 years old. Spin a record. And he was a DJ. And it's like, he loved it. And I'd say if he had a different chance in life, he would have done something like that. but like that was never really thought of as a full time job it was always someone who had a normal job and then you do that on the side at the weekend but yeah he used to DJ all the discos the kiddie discos and he was I swear to god 80 and he'd be playing like you know Cracking Out Maniac 2000 S Club 7 and yeah Blue and he had all the hits and he'd have all the little sayings like everybody get down so funny give it up for Jesus Christ our Lord you're having a great time yeah everyone will know who I'm talking about he was a lovely man he used to bring us off on trips and things as well he was more like a youth leader he was a priest a lot of the priests, I don't know

30:14Denis:did he have a secret family by any chance hidden away somewhere

30:17Mark:no

30:18Denis:I thought that was like a Claire Priest thing oh well we go to a break

30:28Mark:Are you wearing something lovely today? I'm wearing something lovely. I noticed in our videos I was wearing a beige shirt. I have about six beige shirts and I thought I was like shaking it up, but they're actually, they all look the same on camera. So I've gone for a little vest now. This is a huge trick for any LGBTs. A little leather vest just makes everyone think you're very cool, very sexy. so it's a little treat and then I have a blouse I have a t-shirt and I posted a picture of this t-shirt this morning on my Instagram so you're probably listening to this Thursday so like two or three days ago and a man replied and said that's my blouse you

31:18Denis:you nicked it off him I didn't realise how well he knew how well he knew keeping an eye how well he knew How well he knew

31:27Mark:I thought it was my Same sex partner's blouse And How did he get a hold of it Did you So it turns out This man was a guest Ah In my house On the five foot bed And left the blouse On the bed

31:42Denis:What did he go on with I don't know But Shaheen wants to have One of your blouses I don't know

31:49Mark:So I'm wearing the blouse Of another man Why Isn't that nice though Do you think I'd put off A leather waistcoat Yeah oh yeah yeah I think that shit now that that's we need to save that they'd collapse it's such a stupid thing but it gives you a nice little shape because it makes I don't know it's all about like it gives you a little V in the front

32:08Denis:for me it would make me feel like I was in the army or something

32:11Mark:yeah yeah there is a bit of that quite like that there's something there very problematic it's leaning into like fetishy police motorbike

32:22Denis:yeah but for me military there's something I get that But for me, like all of that stuff when I was growing up as well, I just had a totally, obviously, straight down the line, good and bad, right? Do you know? So like when I think of that, like being like in the army, I'm, you know. Oh, they're good. Oh, yeah. They're good. Everything's great. And it's that kind of idea of it. Policemen.

32:44Mark:Yeah. Great. Army, great.

32:45Denis:Yeah. Everything works the way it's meant to work and we'll all be fine. There's no problems with them at all.

32:51Mark:No.

32:51Denis:Yeah. It is a lovely number, no, Mark.

32:53Mark:It has a little... There's a little bit jiggle to it, a little jingle. I do like it, yeah. We've had a very busy week. I'm non-stop. I'm kind of tired of talking about how busy I am, but I really, when I look back over the week, so much has happened this week. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's insane. Every single night is go. We had our big social outing. Do you want to tell them about it?

33:18Denis:Is this where we went to, where we had a reception? Yeah, Ompathod Naharan. Is that the word?

33:24Mark:what's the Irish Embassy

33:25Denis:I'm not sure Umbassad or something anyway we're in the Irish Embassy as we were you know invited there as big celebrities like we are VIP guests and we rocked in and I actually have a few a few bones to pick with you over this

33:39Mark:we'll tell them what it was first

33:40Denis:so it was the 70th birthday of the Irish Centre in Camden and the Irish Centre was opened in the 50s strap in this is heavy it opened in the 50s to help out Irish people who are, I mean, completely displaced at the time, being treated like complete shit. And one of the biggest things it did was it helped people get home and helped people over here. Because there was a huge stigma when you moved to London and things didn't work out because it happened to so many people, especially, I think, for the most part, Irish men. I think they came over here, got into building trades or whatever. Things might happen to them.

34:20Denis:Maybe they got into drink. Maybe they just lost their jobs, whatever. and even though they had families back home they wouldn't go home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they ended up on the streets, they ended up in like terrible situations and this place was opened and one of the big things they did was help people and get them back home or get them into jobs and stuff. But most of the time what it was, was it was like, because Irish people were treated so badly in the UK at the time, it was like finally kind of like a little bit of recognition that we were even around. Yeah. You know, and a safe space to go to, which is nuts considering what safe space kind of means now and stuff you know yeah um and i suppose even the i said oh yeah i don't know it's it's like the the kind of privilege has moved like

35:06Mark:hasn't it's kind of strange i don't think we fully understand what it was like and i definitely don't think english people now no kind of understand the way irish people were treated like just dogs just assumed to be only because people were like no one finished school there was no university like people my parents left school when they were like 12, 13 that was the normal and then just started working so people didn't have the same manner or the same they weren't maybe as eloquent or whatever as London people of course they weren't because they had no chance

35:41Denis:but there was in the media as well you know and you see it now with things as well it's like there was just an absolute change like it was massive like propaganda against Irish people that they were stupid. Yeah, the peddies,

35:55Mark:the drunk peddies and everyone was drunk because people were so depressed and there was loads of men coming over on their own living in bedsits in like digs with a family who didn't really they weren't like involved they just had a bedroom so they finished work and they go to the pub and that's where they had a bit of socialising.

36:16Denis:I went into a bar and it's like I think the Irish centre was open in 1950s but um i went into a bar um for uh my friend's birthday irish bar in uh near old street um for anyone knows just middle of london basically um kind of like east london but um went into a bar two irish lads behind the bar yeah mostly irish people in there you kind of clock them and i went up and there's a big lad next to me and he goes all right paddy oh yeah and i was like wow i had i was just stepped into the bar this happened a couple of weeks ago yeah And I looked at him and he's a big guy as well. And I knew he was looking to probably kill someone.

36:54Denis:So I was looking at him and I was like, wow. And then he goes.

36:57Mark:My name is actually Dennis. Yeah.

36:59Denis:Hello. Hello, everybody. And he goes, I didn't say anything. I just looked at him, kind of smart. And then he said, he goes, you're a paddy, ain't you? Paddy. And I was just like, holy shit. I was like, this is 2025. and it's like what is going on and then you have to do that well i mean i had to do the thing where i walked away right like so i was like i'll go out and see if the dad's outside again not that i would be you know challenging anyone to a fight anyway definitely not challenging this fella yeah and i walked outside and he walked past the bouncers and uh it was kind of funny he walked past the bouncers and he's holding a glass tumbler and the bouncer goes uh you're not allowed that outside and he goes try and take it off me i just walked down the street bunches didn't move i came back in then and the two lads at the bar looked over at me like you know oh jesus wasn't that desperate you know and i said and i said oh that guy was a bit of a prick like or whatever and they go he was he was he was desperate he was desperate and then i said i was like you were very quiet when he was in here where was the help you weren't saying anything but i was just to give you a little bit of colour of like you run into things here that are you know they can be as outwardly as that they can be little like um kind of smaller things that are very hard to point out to people in the way that you're being treated differently but back then yeah you were and for like up until probably like even the 90s like 80s people treat like crap as well but like um you were treated like a dog

38:31Mark:like you were nothing like you know so then they made that place yeah they made this place and that

38:38Denis:was some of the main things that they were trying to provide like was a space because you know even when um um with the irish creative collective right like when someone introduced me to that and that's just uh that's like a group of um artists and stuff that meet up um in uh london and kind of it's it's it's a like there's lots of stuff put on by them and joe runs and he's great but there's there's um it's it's very much a social thing i think as well but i remember coming to that first and not having to adapt in any way it was such a relief after living in london like i didn't have to slow down yeah i didn't have to you know feel like people were not going to understand me or culturally not understand the things i'm saying because it was just i found it kind of difficult when I came here because it's, you know, for all purposes, look sounds the same like the way we're interacting and stuff.

39:32Mark:Yeah.

39:32Denis:But it can be jarringly different.

39:34Mark:Yeah.

39:34Denis:So those spaces are very important. But we went to the Irish Embassy. Now tell me some highlights, Mark.

39:40Mark:VIP guests. I was late. Oh, don't worry. We're going to get into that. I arrived late and the speeches were underway and I tried to squeeze in. It was packed. You didn't find it. You did not try to It's a very glamorous setting now It's like It's actually really Makes you very proud That we have this Very grand Classical building Behind Buckingham Palace And the Irish flag is there And it's like Look at we've A hundred years ago The stage didn't exist Yeah And now we're like And they're making a new embassy Oh is that

40:14Denis:No I think that I knew that as well Is that known? I knew that as well They're getting a new building Which is going to be Even more exciting

40:20Mark:Yeah

40:20Denis:That is a beautiful building It's like You know Yeah gold embroidered walls and stuff. But it's a bit cramped.

40:27Mark:I think the new one is going to be very exciting. And I shouldn't say too much, but it's going to be a big deal. It's a big statement, where it is and everything. It's got quasar and laser question. And like recreations of bogs and cliffs. So I was a bit late and everyone was standing up. And to be honest now, the speeches could do with a little bit of curation at these events. Bit of a judge. The speeches do go on and everyone gets up and they've been briefed to say something for two or three minutes and everyone's kind of just goes on a little bit longer. So myself, do you know Brian? You met Brian Teeling, very famous Irish photographer.

41:06Mark:So we were planning a few bits. So we wanted to have a chat.

41:10Denis:You're making this sound so much like you were, you know, you did your best or whatever. I tried to squeeze in. You did not. And then I said, I don't want to do this. You did not. You went down the back of the bus with the cool boys and myself and Brian. And you started laughing and talking about things down there. We were in the corner. While I was centre, in the middle of the room, stuck between everyone. Smile. Stuck between everyone listening to the speeches. Look, I don't mind saying it. I think it's a good thing that we could maybe give them some tips on the speeches. I think that's totally fine to say, right?

41:40But a lot of Irish people speaking,

41:44Denis:public speaking, sound like priests. Yeah. They give it the mass. And...

41:48Mark:Was there a prayer or something?

41:50Denis:No, it just sounds like it. Was there a performance?

41:53Mark:Because I was there and people were like responding.

41:55Denis:Oh, that was an Irish band that were speaking some Irish and then they were getting people to say it back to them. It sounded like mass. Right. There's actually, there's a good few Gwail Gores who listen to this podcast, right? And I have to say, right, like speaking Irish, you know, I'd love if everyone was doing it and whatever. I'd love if I could speak Irish and it'd be great. But lads, can you just take it down a level on like how you're pronouncing these things because it makes it very intimidating for people who don't speak Irish. Like, she was on stage, lovely girl, but like, you know, how would you pronounce wet?

42:31Denis:F-L-U-I-C-H. Fluch. Fluch, right? She was on stage absolutely putting welly into it. Swallow the mic. Fluch! It was like, God almighty, you need to go to the doctor or something. And then the whole place was saying it back to her. But that was like a call and response thing. It sounded very somber from outside. It was a little Well it was But this is the thing Like some of the phrases She was saying Were actually About like hope and stuff But they were If you actually Literally translated them They were like What's hope? Dukas Is it? No Oh I'll be dragged Am I right? Crap I think you're right Something like that I think you're right Yeah I think you're right Tossulagum is a hope Yeah Yeah But Dukas I think is Is it?

43:15Mark:Yeah

43:15Denis:Anyway Anyway But But Where are we going? But yeah, but like some of the lovely phrases she was saying ended in like, you know, boss, which is like death, you know, but it means something nice or whatever. So yeah, there was a little call and response. But the speeches, right, they're very like, if I could put them on the graph, like up and down and, you know, and we're going to put a big building inside there. And when we have the big building, it'll be great and everyone will attend. and there's a really funny thing that Irish people do as well is when they write something is well maybe everyone does this in speeches but I do think it's Irish people is when they write something that they think is very good yeah they let it know on their face that they think it's very good

43:57Mark:a stop for a response

43:58Denis:they give a big smirk to the audience yeah I was up all night writing that you know and yeah they just need to put a bit like just tell it from say what you feel you know like come up and tell us something

44:13Mark:yeah don't be reading it off the page

44:14Denis:it's very like Lord Mayor giving a presentation in a library yeah do you know we're going to have all new bins today and the bins will be yellow and they'll be green

44:24Mark:so there's a new embassy which that's not really been talked about but the London Irish Centre is rebuilding itself

44:31Denis:yeah and they gave timelines as well for when it's going to open I mean ambitious get out two years do you know do you know what happened right the person who was like basically in charge or on the board in charge of that was saying like we're going to start in quarter Start now next week We're going to get right into it next week We're going to get right into it if everyone's ready So quarter three 2026 and then yeah it was right quarter three quarter two 2026 and then quarter three 2028 will be finished No And the whole crowd laughed That's terrible Should we know? But that's so Irish like where we're all just going

45:10Mark:But why not be honest? This is going to take five years.

45:13Denis:It's going to take a million years.

45:14Mark:We're going to go... Have you seen the site? It hovers over a train track. The building is... It's in the sky. No, it is. Have you seen the site? The train goes underneath the building. Oh, brilliant. That'll be great for events. It's such a complicated place. Like, it's going to take forever. But just be honest. But I think all these things, they overpromise because they have funding and stuff. So they have to get it going or they lose the money. There's all of this stuff.

45:38Denis:Another fantastic line that she had as well was like, and you know, we're here, we're here to hear your ideas. So come up and, you know, tell me your ideas because we have some fantastic naming opportunities available in the development. Basically, like, if you give me a lot of money, I'll listen to your ideas. You need a lot of money. You know, allegedly.

45:56Mark:If anyone has a bit of...

45:57Denis:Yeah, we'll put your, like, mother's name on the library.

46:00Mark:It'll be great, though, when it's finished. But I wish they'd just be honest because everyone then is just disappointed and start taking the piss. if they were more direct about it.

46:09Denis:Yeah, but Mark, this is the thing, right? You know when you're going to school, right? And you're raising money for a gym.

46:15Mark:They're still. The school I went to, 80 % of the classrooms were prefab cardboard little boxes that were dropped down, I'd say around the year 2000, 2002, because we were building a new school. The whole time we were in school, they were saying, we're going to start now, it's going to be finished. maybe you'll get to have it for the last year or two. It still hasn't started.

46:41Denis:But they have to tell you that because they're taking money off you left, right and centre. You're going around doing skip-a-thons, skipping for 24 hours and you're never going to set foot inside the gym.

46:49Mark:If they were just a bit more honest, people wouldn't be so disappointed and laugh then when people make these announcements. Jesus Christ.

46:56Denis:Anyway, best of luck. Another highlight for me at it was the cocktail sausages. Yeah.

47:02Mark:Now, can I tell you something? I don't like... I canna pay. Why? I find I'm very self-conscious. People are very close into your mouth. And there's so many people. What do you mean? They're standing right in front of you. And I hate eating things and then talking. Why don't you put a coy little hand over your mouth? Because you're sucking bits of food out of your teeth all night. And I don't know. I don't like it. And they always have the strongest, like, you know, smelly kind of food. And then you're like, oh, am I going to be like smelling like sausages?

47:43Denis:But Mark, they're made for this thing, right? They're made small enough so you can go in and whack one in.

47:51Mark:But then you're spitting into, I don't know. Do you know when people are talking to you halfway through a canapé and then half of it lands on your fucking shirt? And you have to pretend.

48:01Denis:I fucking hate that. When a piece of spit lands on your cheek and you both notice it. I am of the mind of like, don't actually bring it up. You've spat on my face. And you're trying to just

48:14Mark:casually just wipe it away, then give it a minute. And then you're like, it's a bit of like,

48:19Denis:I'm wiping my face in a completely unrelated manner.

48:23Mark:Because the canapes, but every, like, they're very generous. Yeah, they are. Every time you twist, someone is there. Oh my God. The plate is hostages. Oh my God. You can't. And when I'm saying no, every time, I think if you had one in your hand maybe that's a trick and they'd stop asking you. Have one just in the edge of your mouth. Sassages and the black pudding and everything is like Irish.

48:44Denis:Ham! Just a little ham. The trick. And the ham stuck to the tray just slices of ham. We got caught

48:54Mark:in a bit of a I abandoned you. I'm sorry.

48:58Denis:Look, two things maybe three things right and I just have to put this on. You abandoned me. I'm sorry. You abandoned me in the center of the room, right, to go down, talking cool.

49:09Mark:We're talking about willies.

49:10Denis:Right, yeah, absolutely, talking about willies down the back while I was stuck in the middle listening to speeches. And then you abandoned me when this lovely woman started talking to me, talking the ear off me. Yeah. And you said, you didn't stay there for 10 seconds. You just go, I must go, I'm just gone. I just didn't want to be there. I was like, you absolute bollocks. And you just ran off. I was stuck there for ages.

49:34Mark:I didn't want to be there.

49:35Denis:But we had an incredible moment, though, where we're talking to this woman and she says, you know, hello, I'm Mary. And I said, oh, lovely to meet you. I'm Dennis. That's Mark running away there. And then this lad comes over, you know, a bit of a pint belly on him. Describe him to be fair.

49:52Mark:Go on. Small, little old man. That's a really lovely man. Little old man. Yeah. He was telling me he does really lovely work. He's a lovely man.

49:59Denis:Yeah.

49:59Mark:And what did she say?

50:00Denis:Comes over and she turns and goes, this is Tom. and he goes hello I'm Frank

50:10Denis:do you know what she couldn't care less she couldn't give a shit and then Mark goes I was set off there I was talked to and just ran off and I was like you're absolutely bad and I was left with Tom Frank and Mary then my name's Tom Frank oh holy crap she didn't hear a word she just kept talking she didn't hear a word I said either see I was getting canapes left right and centre into the face talking to her

50:36Mark:when they lodge I can't do it when they just it does no you have to cut it you have to cut it quick

50:42Denis:or you're trapped do you know what I said it's very funny do you know what she said which was very funny I didn't tell you this was she said what's the podcast about right so I told her what the podcast is about and like kind of like the elevator pitch but I'll adapt it on who I'm talking to but I said do you know what I think I think she'll be able to handle it so I said do you know it's a straight guy and a gay guy sitting down having a chat about their weeks but you know their previous weeks can be widely different right and it's just it's good to have that conversation and she goes oh yes yes yes that's good now I like that I like that and she said and it's good as well for the men you know which she's referring to as straight men or the actual men yeah and it's good for the men because you know my husband though he wouldn't have any of that his name's Tom yeah he wouldn't have he's just gone there he wouldn't have any of that and I was just like what the hell does that mean?

51:37Denis:and she goes I'm going to get him to listen to this podcast oh hello Tom Frank

51:42Mark:yeah we I like as well those events there's such a it's like a little bit of everyone from Ireland there's like a representative there's a lot of like very nice public service civil service nice people dressed up in suits and then I think they invite us for a bit of

52:02Denis:Yeah. I walked up the stairs wearing what I was wearing. I looked very good, I have to say. Yeah. But I wasn't wearing a suit, you know, just wearing like smart cash or whatever. Yeah. I walked up. That was the dress code. It said smart cash. And I was looked up and down. Not in a bad way, but just like, oh, who's this? You're someone. And there was a couple of us. Yeah. Did you notice that? There was a couple of us like around the place and you were like, oh, you're the us over there.

52:27Mark:Yeah.

52:27Denis:You're the us over there.

52:28Mark:An owl artist. Yeah. Are you an owl artist? Yeah.

52:31Denis:An earring and stuff, you know.

52:32Mark:Yeah, we also met Joe and Sean, our rivals. Should we give them a little mention? Our bitter rivals. They have a podcast. We're contractually obliged to say this. I know, they're very good as well. Yeah, they're the best. And then we did a photo shoot. That got out of hand with the wife of the ambassador. It's like, I think we need to call this off.

52:52Denis:No, we did. She in no uncertain terms said, cop the fuck on. Don't post these pictures. We became like teenage boys. I don't know.

53:01Mark:out of control.

53:03Denis:We lost it. We lost it. I was, in fairness, I was actually trying to get a different picture going. Like a nice presidential, yeah. And then we lost our minds.

53:12Mark:Lost our minds. The lads are giddy. Yeah. The lads are giddy. No, it was not,

53:16Denis:it was not just the lads. It was us as well. We got into that kind of lads in school, like, here's the principal and let's take a funny picture. Because we were the,

53:26Mark:we are heading towards 40.

53:28Denis:Let's not go terrible, yeah.

53:30Mark:But we were the like silly young ones.

53:33Denis:We were the giddy eaters. It's very funny.

53:35Mark:If you're around people in the 50s and 60s we're the like The children. Cool, fun young lads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's wild. We're old men. We absolutely we jumped the shark. We jumped the shark with the ambassador's wife. They're doing well. What's it called? How to Steal a Penguin. Yeah. They're doing very good. Not as good as this now. No, of course not. But they're all right, yeah.

53:56Denis:We had one more thing on the MSU which I loved as well was and it's I think I'm hesitant to say that this is just Irish but I do think that there are things that are so clinically Irish that are so funny I heard a very good phrase Yeah and it's called the immersion syndrome Oh Do you know what the immersion syndrome is? I know what it is So for people who are listening in the States and England or whatever there are a couple of jokes that are in the Irish zeitgeist that are constantly repeated over and over and over again and one of them is you know oh I left the immersion on you know basically left the hot water heating on and it's going to cost me a lot of money and these are things that have permeated throughout Irish modern history for some reason but the immersion syndrome is a fantastic phrase but one of the things I think is not covered in that is the fucking the route when the cocktail sausages came out by the old people I mean like the real old people where they were grabbing cocktail sausages left right and centre like like 80 year old women with 4 or 5 sticks of cocktail sausages off the plate right dropping them and everything down the neck heading no heading for the seats oh get your get your feast grabbed them off the plate and then they all went into the into the outskirts of the room sat down horsing cocktail sausages

55:21Mark:yeah a woman told me and Brian to get up she did actually so she could eat us off because there's only a few seats yeah yeah too right we were sitting there we're only young boys yeah we were sitting there long enough just straight out get up I love that though for fuck's sake you need to position yourself the ones that go often some people don't do anything they just go to these events I mean cocktail sausages they'll be there every week you have to position yourself beside the door of the kitchen and you get them coming out as they come out yeah and then you scuttle off because if you if you're too far away they'll be gone by the time by the time the plate comes round do you think there's people

55:55Denis:just going in there for sandwiches and stuff

55:56Mark:There's a lot of people who are very important, very influential 30, 40 years ago. They've retired, they do nothing. And they've earned their place. And they just go to events now. And ethos just. And enjoy the speeches.

56:10Denis:There was one woman at the front of the room while there was music on and a couple other things and the speeches. And you know when you're a performer on stage and you look down and you try and get a kind of a supportive face. Yeah. Help you along. she was bent over and had her hand covering her face listening to what was going on

56:32Mark:what do you mean?

56:34Denis:that's what she was doing she was about a 45 degree angle she had her hand like her head in her hand I don't know did she think it was like the most disgraceful thing she was listening to or she was thinking I think she might have been thinking but she was pointing her ear towards the stage I can see it do you know what I mean I can see it listening yeah listening Boyle covering her entire face yeah madness

56:58Mark:do you remember did I tell you I performed there one time very interesting I did stand up there yeah

57:05Denis:oh you did for what for the reception for ICC yeah I did stand up there in front of the ambassador yeah and I took the piss out of the ambassador he's great crack he is very good he's very quick he's very good very quick yeah and what I love did he say a few words he did yeah they presented the ambassador's wife what's her name Deirdre yeah uh they presented Deirdre with some flowers and lovely and then she went off and she was loving life everyone's oh Deirdre loves the flowers and then the ambassador came up and he said that's the first time in 20 years that my wife has got flowers oh so everyone laughs ha ha ha and then he goes but I only get her flowers when I've made a mistake oh

57:49Mark:Oh, God, you bastard! God, you bastard! They were throwing cocktail sausages around the place. Okay, that's it. Thanks for listening to your internet boyfriends. Goodbye, Dennis Lynn. Goodbye, Mark T. Cox. We have a new episode for you every Thursday. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok and you can email us at yourinternetboyfriends at gmail.com and we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Oh, can I say it quick? Sorry. Yeah. this weekend I have my chat show okay the weekend review give me at Roses can I tell you my guests no not yet no they're gone big you can come in at half six and have your dinner and then the show's at half seven

58:29Denis:okay where do we get the tickets

58:30Mark:on Sunday night the tickets are on the Roses of Elgabalas which some people have accidentally been calling the Roses of Elgabubu and I don't mind okay great and is it going to be on your story can we buy tickets it'll be on my story and my guests are superstar Alison Spittel I saw that isn't that great that's amazing and then Cabbage who's a a very interesting London drag clown character. Brilliant. And then Vinegar Strokes off the television drag race. She's just back off a boat. A boat. A ship. The Virgin. They're not allowed to say boat. She won't like boat. Oh my God. If you work on a ship you get like drilled.

59:05Mark:Do not call this a boat. A ship. You work on a ship. It's a cruise ship. It's a ship. So she's been working on a ship.

59:12Denis:Great.

59:13Mark:So I think that'll be very interesting. When am I alone coming along? I know. Soon. I think not yet yeah in a few in a while okay okay that's it okay goodbye