#38 The Involuntary Pinky Situation and Tanning Disaster

0:28Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends.

0:33You're a ridiculous man.

0:41I was getting ready. For Christ's sake. Oh, my God. I was getting ready to talk. Oh, lads. I could see you sitting down with my mother and her neighbours chatting away, eating Madeira cake. You've got that energy, like, so funny. My mother is at home sometimes, and you should see her have the conversations. Does your mother do this? They're having two completely, three even, completely different conversations all at once. Like, unbelievable. Oh. Alright. I'll tell you about that. my baby finger goes out with those I don't mean to do that it just flies out like do you know what there's there's a I wonder it probably doesn't track right now it's probably like horribly dated but have you seen the movie Birdcage yeah Robin Williams and I can't remember the other guys when he's trying to not be gay yeah oh my god like it's a fact there's science there is physical behaviour that you just can't stop.

1:55There's a bit, there's a bit, and look, it is funny, there's a bit where he's, Rob Williams is trying to teach him how to butter bread and his pinky won't stop going out. It goes up. And he starts getting like, so, so like, overwhelmed, he can't do it. Like, he just can't go down. Oh, Lord. It does. I love, what is it? When did, when did, do you know, that's a good question, right? Like, when did your pinky start going up? I don't know. Like did you do it as a young flag? I can't remember But it literally flies up I can't stop it Do you remember at any point Where you weren't doing it? No I wasn't conscious of it But you've groomed I've been refreshed You've groomed What did I do?

2:45You've done the hair Yeah You've done the moustache Yeah You've done the beard Yeah Did you get the eyebrows? yeah do you know I was actually going to ask you about eyebrows do you do you trim the eyebrows I do I do I sort out the middle yeah because I would have one eyebrow if I didn't pay attention to it you have the NS eyebrow but I don't go around tidying up no I did for a while and I couldn't be arsed yeah I don't think it really made it much of a difference and it was just another thing you just put in the marks I put the slice yeah I put the little slice there yeah you're there's new trousers here there's a new shirt what's going on?

3:25are you launching something? Yeah I'm launching I need money I'm on sale Launching your mental breakdown I had a reset Yeah It's very good I just took yesterday half a day cancelled everything and I was like right get into the bathroom and just start from scratch and I did the whole thing head to toe and Shaved newborn baby Will I tell you? Go on So I washed the hair I put all the the products i have like i wash my hair like twice a week but there's two versions there's the like just throw in the shampoo and go or there's like the five products kind of to really yeah make a five in one bottle so i did all the products that takes that's 20 minutes and then i did i shaved i did the mustache and i like took my time with it and like trimmed it properly because it's there's two versions of that as well there's like just fly around and hope for the best or there's like precision go around there's also the panic if you've ever done the panic you start going up too high where you cut a piece off and you've gone too far and now you're like what am I going to do I had an at length conversation with the moustache I'm battling back on the moustache yeah I'm thinking I think you go a little bit shorter you could go shorter on the face yeah to make it pop more no see I can only do that certain days yeah if I'm not meeting herself I can do the the shorter version of it.

4:47I love the moustache. I'd actually go handlebar if I could. Yeah. But I'd be divorced, so I can't. So I did that and then I went down, I trimmed and shaved all the things in different places and did a whole... Did we talk about veeting? I think we did. I don't do that, yeah, but there's a bit of tidying up. Yeah, we talked about that at some point. And then I did the tan and then I put on the... Tan? Oh yeah. Back on the tan. Back on the tan, why not? You flip-talked on the tan massively. It's alright. right but then I put on the tan and then I wash the dishes so I have two my arms are like from Barcelona but my hands are kind of from Banslow or they're slightly different colour kind of now to be fair to be honest no no they look they look good they look good I just don't know if it did you did you tan the face yeah oh you tanned your face as well what are you can you tell no I don't know It's subtle isn't it?

5:42It's very subtle It's like you went for a walk Yeah In a wind Yeah You know what I mean? But you weren't out in Spain No You know what I mean? That's what I want Whatever But you Because I remember a couple of months ago Our loyal listeners You went flip-flopping through the town Like you were like I'm doing it I'm not doing it Please don't tell me to do this Well I have a photo shoot tomorrow Oh So this is where it's coming from So I have to try and make a bit of an effort So it gives me Are you full body tanned? Uh, yeah. I had to show. Well. Is your arse done? Yep. How do you done your arse?

6:18What do you mean? Like, rub it on. You can't sit down. You just walk around the house. But then I was doing jobs. I said I'd iron the clothes. Mark. What? I got caught in the fuck. I'll tell you what happened to me. Right? Do you know, a cat wears a cone, right? I know this is a big leap. What do you mean? You know a cat, you put a cone on a cat. to stop the licking yeah stop him when he licks him right so there's a big fat cat that I know that I think you might know yeah but we had to put a little cone on him right to stop him licking his belly he was licking his pants off right and so we put that on him last night I was out of the shower darkness over in Lisa's house right absolute darkness in the back of her house is a large window that all her neighbours other windows are looking onto oh right I walked out of the shower and I said I'd do a little risky run right to the bedroom okay and then because I don't know there's a bit of a towel situation going on but I said oh I need to put the cone on the cat so I went out into the kitchen right balls naked right out into the kitchen fine it's like you know no one can see me whatever and I'm sneaking out there and I get the cone and then I hear footsteps behind me and Lisa goes what are you doing in there turns on the full lights oh in the kitchen for the people but the audience outside and I in my panic tried to put the cone on top of the balls.

7:42Yeah. I was trying to put the cone to protect myself. Yeah. But I could see her face as well, right? Is it that visible? I couldn't live there. It's pretty visible. No. Can you see into people's windows? You could if you stopped, like. Yeah. But I think that's the... I don't know. I mean, that's London life, isn't it? Like, you have to not stop and look. Yeah. You have to believe that your neighbour's not looking in. Oh, was he licking? What? Belly. Oh yeah, no, he licks the trousers off himself. The balls? No, not the balls. Like he's, if a cat had pants, or trousers, like he's licked his belly and legs.

8:19What's wrong with it? Oh, it's a big long story, but I think we changed his food and it wasn't good for his hair or something. Oh God. But yeah, so he's going around with a bald belly on him. Oh, licked the hair off the belly? Hey, by the way, there was a cat spotted in your world there was a cat in my world and I talked about this cat in a so far unheard episode it's back in some archive back along. Is this George? This is George and George is very upset because I told him that I talked about him and then he didn't get published so we'll have to verify or rectify that yeah he's getting quite fat he's never been outside I've seen that cat and he looks like he's down in Slimming World three times a week compared to the cat that I know.

9:05Do you think? Oh yeah. He's never been outside. Isn't that mad? He looks great. He looks really really good. He's never seen a tree or like been He's never seen a tree. He's never been outside. So he has a little climbing thing inside or something. He's a lovely house to be honest. Can we take a reversal back to so you were walking around the house last night. I was walking around the house I had about because I needed time to do this. You need like two hours to do all those jobs, put things on, let them be, and then wash them off. So I just cleared off a couple of hours. I just, I've never tanned, well, I've never tanned, I've never full-bodied myself.

9:44My friend accidentally used a tinted moisturizer back in school, that was hilarious. Oh, yeah. Do you tan the crevices? You do your best, yeah, you do your best. But it's very light, like if you miss a bit, it's not really that obvious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the full... And what is it? You get the glove on. Get the glove on, rub it around. And you're at that last. Oh, it's a scene. I'm like, I really need a different job. It's all, I don't really care. It's all just like, look nice. So I did all that, but then I went washing dishes and I washed it all off my hands. That was a mistake. So now you're like, will I go back in now tonight and try and fill in the gaps?

10:24Will I leave it? Might leave it. John, I love, I might get a bit of shit for this. Go on. don't care. You know when you see someone they've got the tan up to the neck but they're out doing the shopping or something and they don't have the makeup on to match the colour of the neck. Oh yeah. Oh lord. Very very striking kind of sudden contrasts. I assume tanning is quite big in the gay world is it? Yeah. Everyone's on it. No not everyone's on it but it just gives you a little It looks good. It gives you a little boost. It looks good. My trainer said that he wants to get me all tanned up. Yeah. But I have no excuse for it, you know.

11:04Yeah. Speaking of that, actually, I went, I went. What do you do for your stage? It looks great on stage. I'd be afraid. I'd be laughing at you. I'd be afraid. Do you know, if I overdid it, like, I'd be all laughing at you. That'd be the least of my worries, I'd say. I was very fancy during the week. did you go to the Freeze Arts fair I didn't I've been before oh yeah have you but I don't know much about it yeah where is it it's on in Regents Park okay that's where all the fancy people go yeah and there's a contemporary art section it's huge like contemporary art like all these exhibitions and then there's the masters which are like you know the the the Canalettos and the all these you know Venetian painters and all the lads you'd know kind of you know yeah and then the contemporary artists like Hurst and Coons and all these guys do you ever see the shark inside in a big tank yes yeah that's that's Hurst I think oh objects not just yeah yeah all sorts licorice all sorts at the contemporary stuff but I will say lots of bullshit at the contemporary stuff yeah like insane bullshit to be honest the whole thing is propped up by bullshit and I don't care come after me I don't care right I don't care come after me right there's some amazing stuff there but we have to draw the line somewhere it's really hard to tell we have to draw the line somewhere mark we can't just be making this stuff up like i feel like it has to do something yeah right now people i i all this drives me up the walls when people say you know but if art's making you think if it's making you have this conversation it's working no i don't buy that at all that's just nonsense but walking past and i said you know what i'm open to this that's cool this is cool look at that what are they trying to do and then i came across a guy right yeah and actually it wasn't even the guy there was a there was a woman speaking on behalf of the artist all right in this little square and there was two people over there and they looked very good they looked like they fell straight out instagram right yeah and they're they were looking at what was what looked really like an unraveled saint bridget's cross for anyone who doesn't know like a straw cross unraveled you're getting nervous here i am carry on an unravelled if you support this that's the end of it there was a an unravelled straw cross that was threaded through a lunchbox and then there was a glass that I have at home right that's from Ikea was on the floor and there was people looking around that going oh my god what is this what is this wow this is amazing and Mark it didn't mean anything it didn't mean anything That's what they're trying to say.

13:47I don't know. Nothing. I like when they say, like, nothing. Like, this is for you to interpret. Well, it's handy, isn't it? So there's no wrong answer. Make them do the job. We're going to get dragged for this. I don't care. This is... No, they know. Everyone knows this. Everyone knows this. I wouldn't mind. I love art. And I've seen some of the most. I love art. I love that. Do you like the implication? I love the arts. And I don't mind. Do whatever you want. do stupid whatever it is you want to do but it's when millions and millions and millions of pounds start getting thrown at one thing and then there's so many other people doing what this is what I'm talking about like that's when I get like sad they're taking a spot right and there's loads of money I mean there was stuff going there for like 80, 100 ,000 quid like easy nothing is worth 100 ,000 pounds there was a ball right from 340 BC right a beautiful vase as my mother would call it right not a vase a vase right beautiful bowl it was 50 grand right 340 BC then there was a print of like from 1994 that were printed 100 of these prints I'm not even going to mention the artist because I will get absolutely dragged but they were like 90 grand yeah I'm like this this vase is from 340 BC could you imagine you're making that back in 340 BC.

15:15Yeah. The print, oh, I'm going to get dragged now too. The print thing always confuses me. Because an object, at least, it's like one thing and it's been made by the artist or a painting. Yeah. It's, they touched it, they made it. But a print or a photograph, I always question like. You just absolutely landed yourself there with the photographers. couldn't they I know and they always say well it's an exclusive like they only made 100 but they chose to make 100 and then they make a second edition of another 100 after they've made everyone pay for it yeah that's where it gets thought it's kind of an unlimited like a book like the best book in the world doesn't cost 100 grand no it still costs 20 pounds 50 pounds there was you know what I mean because there's an endless amount of them that can be made there was take a break there was a triceratops skull okay that's 100 grand like whatever I don't even know how much it costs but someone bought it that's unique I'm going come on yeah oh also did you get it no I couldn't I didn't have enough money sorry what's that who's claiming to who's the artist does it have stuff like that like object like so no it had so they're like exhibitions from different exhibitors right so they might have So like they had some Egyptian stuff and some hieroglyphics and whatever.

16:45And then they were like throwing an old triceratops head. Do you know what's really interesting about that though is that a lot of those dinosaur fossils and stuff, they're actually not the entire bone structure. They'll say on it like, oh, 45%. And then the rest of it is made up. They've like joined it up with like, you know, substances and whatever. Just in case you're in the market to buy one. Oh, so it's kind of been filled. the gaps have been they're filled in a bit watch out read the receipt God what did you buy I bought do you know how much I didn't buy anything I didn't buy any do you know how much a glass of rose it was go on 15 25 pounds yeah nice though nice to have it 25 pounds I know the bathrooms were amazing but why wouldn't it if they pay it who was there give us the give us the demographic the demographic honestly was a lot of older men With a lot of taller, younger women.

17:43Oh. A lot. Good few LGBTs. Yeah. Knocking around the place. Big coats. Huge coats. Swinging. Huge coats. There was no coat under three meters long. Yeah. And it was really funny as well because Regents Park was like, had people like pushing around buggies and stuff. Yeah. With the most expensive coat in the entire world. You know what I mean? Like it was, it was like, you knew, you could spot someone, you could see them on the tube and their dungarees would have like six straps on either side and you're like you're going to freeze are you paying to get in to look at the art no I have a connection but the general public oh yeah I know you're paying yeah would it be£35 oh I don't know I actually have no no I think no I think it's I think it's insane money £75 no I think it's more make it up I think it's like£200 grand but it could be £20 it could be£2 ,000 yeah people just make up prices I like when they wear the coats and they don't put the hands into the sleeves Do you know that one?

18:41Oh, over the shoulders? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I couldn't pull that off. Very good. I'd be very afraid it would fall down. If it fell down, I'd walk away from it. You know, like, people who sit in the front row at fashion shows and they're very busy and they wear sunglasses they don't want to be talked to and they'll always, they won't put on the coat proper. I don't know what it's about but it just looks very chic and like, you're actually too important to put your hand into the hole of the coat. Do you know that? I could. Do you know that look? I could see you doing that. Oh, I would do it kind of like, you'd want to be very intentionally to look like it.

19:15Like, you know. The move would be to have a coat under that coat. We're coming across very bitter here. Why? No, we're not. Two old men given out. I'm telling you, right? I was thinking about this during the week, right? I was like, I was... What's happened? Nothing works anymore. Yeah. Absolutely nothing works. Oh, the lift is broke in the station. did you come in through the station Mark I can't even talk about my journey no I know but just to get ready because it was wild and there was a woman there screaming and she was actually lovely and she was saying she was trying to say wouldn't it be good if we pushed everyone in because there was one lift wouldn't it be good if we pushed everyone in like they do in Japan on the trains she's saying this out loud that's what she was trying to say but she wasn't getting her point across very well and she was just She was just kind of cackling like, Japan, Japan.

20:11We should, we should. Japan, Japan.

20:20I wouldn't, like, I don't think I would go for it. Let me tell you about my blouse. I had a question. I was going to do another button and I don't know, was it too much? I was going to go this. So, right, I think you're, look, there's nothing wrong with it, right? but you're verging on in my limited knowledge you're verging on what I would call kind of like 80s 80s worker gay That's fine Do you know what I mean? Like that's where you're going That's the goal Yeah yeah yeah This is a blouse It's How would you describe it? I think it's a mechanic No it's actually a factory that makes like machinery Oh yeah And it's a shirt from the factory that I got in a thrift store In Detroit Yeah in Portland, Oregon.

21:06You know what I was, we were listening to old songs during the week. And you know, what's his name, Fedele Grand, you know, Detroit, we love this city. Yeah. You know, we love this city. Yeah. I'm from Mallow, right? It actually struck me, it got me so bad, I couldn't stop laughing. The fact that like, all of Mallow is inside the nightclub, you know, about what, 15 years ago or something? Yeah. And they're all going, Detroit, we love this city! never been never ever been don't know anything about us not a clue yeah um god I can't remember where we're going um so we were the reason I was talking with the mechanic is I was just saying that um absolutely nothing works yeah like like everything has stopped working right but it's because you mentioned earlier on is like are we just becoming two old men right yeah um there probably is a touch of that but I did no I do believe that things are not working like things are crap like um uh like algorithms are crap like Spotify doesn't give you the right music it's all rubbish and it's really frustrating you can't log into anything though you log in it takes like 20 times and it goes whoops we're sorry and a picture of a cat you know smiling pops up or something yeah and it's like just log me in but could you imagine back in the day being mr uh mr cox senior right yeah imagine being even going from like the house telephone to like mobile phones or something yeah or the house telephone to dial up or whatever where like you just put it in it just worked.

22:31Everything just worked. It was all analog. Right? Like you know it's all buttons. Like when you're in a car and you want to I don't know like turn down the air conditioning and you have to go through like 14 different buttons to turn it on and the screen doesn't work and stuff. Yeah. That must like it's driving me insane right? But like what must it have been like for them? Or now if you're 70 years old. Must be impossible. I know. Must be. What's not working for you? Everything Mark. Everything's not working and like Like, I can't... The amount of passwords that I have to put into stuff every fucking day is driving me absolutely insane.

23:06You forgot us. Yeah, but like, you know, they're like, oh, make up more passwords or something. I can't remember any of the passwords. Do you have the thing that just kind of magically knows your passwords? Yeah, but then, like, what are you meant to do with that? If someone, like, you know, opens your phone with your face, they've got everything. Steals your face. Have you seen the people making the masks of people's faces? No. You can make a little mask. You can... So someone can go... on your page and print out a photo of your face and put it on a mask and then if they do something with it it can read as your face for the security authentication thing.

23:44Or I take it a little bit further, right? I print out a picture of my face and then I put it on Lisa's face. Oh. And then I kiss myself. Yeah, that's fine too. You know? Are people... Are people... attracted to themselves oh yeah is that a thing i'm proud to say yeah dear yeah i would yeah thrilled you would be thrilled to yeah have it offered yourself yeah if you could if because that'll happen in the future we'll definitely have at least digital versions of ourselves yeah so if you got the opportunity of a if another mark if mark t cox 2 yeah mark 2 walked in why not be nice I suppose yeah guess I wouldn't really have the same options but there's a few and I don't think it's legal but there's a few twins on Twitter

24:40it's definitely not legal is it not I don't think no because like they have to prevent that from happening right yeah but they're men so what's gonna happen oh true there's no Sorry, I had straight mine on there. No, baby's coming out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a few. I don't think he read that. Dodgy Road. I don't have a twin. Dodgy Road to go down. Yeah, Dodgy Road to go down. There's a pair that I've followed for ages, and they started off being very, like, cute and, like, teasing. Like, oh, my God, can you imagine? Like, wouldn't that be outrageous? And then they just went a bit further and further.

25:20and now I think it's time to unfollow dear oh dear oh dear I'm going to unfollow them in six months I'm going to hang around just another couple of weeks I swear to God there's not the left they've done it all no way are they actually twins because you know there's like some people and they're like twins identical ah lads you can't be what are the rules any lawyers listening how do you how do you feel about that right as a very very progressive man it's like no No, no. No, that's not. No. Okay, yeah. We don't need that. Yeah. Dear God, yeah. Yeah? No, I mean like no. Tell me, you went to heaven?

26:02Move on. I went to heaven. I went and... Right, set it up. What day of the week? It was a... Let me think now. I was very tired. I went Saturday. Okay. Yeah, I went to see Mind Enterprises. What's that? so they're an Italian I think they're all Italian they're an Italian kind of electronic repeat a couple of words disco oh so not heaven so no not heaven not G-A-Y no now isn't that strange that's what I was saying yeah that imagine you're visiting from another country and you've been told you have to go to the biggest gay club in Europe or whatever it is and then you turn up and it's a electronic gig I was a little bit disappointed I was hoping to kind of get in on you know like get a bit of the buzz in there or whatever what was really strange though was right they were on and then everyone left and I was kind of thinking I don't know I was like thinking about the economics of this I was like why don't you just keep them here but they must just get a load on the gate again I suppose afterwards but they like it must pack out every Saturday does it what was on after was there was there a gay club night then I assume there was but they kicked everyone out like they kick them out straight away oh and then it turns yeah I assume so into something else maybe yeah probably but like as in they must be getting the tickets for that as well but they don't want that crowd staying well this crowd was pretty okay like the sea of mullets in front of me was mad big curly mullets as well a lot of curly mullets right yeah I'm look it's just my you know it's just my preference yeah I like a toy deer mullet oh you mean quite thick in the back yeah it was yeah carpeted like but also curly they're straight men they're straight men are they no no no don't think so because at one point I was Lisa's sock went under her foot in her boot and so she was very very annoyed and wasn't enjoying what was happening at all so I went down to fix the boot oh and then a chorus of lads around me were going oh Cinderella's down it's a real life Cinderella oh yeah so they weren't they definitely weren't okay but yeah straight man no did you like the could you imagine what it's like when it's full of gays yeah it's great it's huge isn't it I was backstage oh yeah backstage in heaven where's that kind of upstairs looking is that where Adele did you ever see that video of Adele pissed watching the drag show no up on that little balcony there wasn't there wasn't a kind of a viewing spot up in this place there's loads so we were in like the front place right and then it's got like the bars and stuff right yeah um and then you kind of you know it was funny right no i'm only interpreting this right but there was um lgbt's in the working in the bars okay right i'm making a big assumption but i think it's a safe one right yeah and they were working in the bars but there was little gaggle of straight lads rocking around the place and they were coming up and like obviously the way they were interacting was different you know what I mean and it seemed like just a real pain to be dealing with them attention points yeah yeah definitely but there seems to be a big part in the back of heaven as well there was like another little section does it all open up I couldn't tell you I've been there not for a long time but like clubs you never get the layout in your head do you know what I mean you're just going around Up and down stairs Don't know where you are And it's all Kind of Underground And in Archways and stuff So I couldn't draw you a picture Of what it looks like I had a trip up to the bathrooms as well Okay That was fun Yeah Went up there We'll go another time When it's LGBT Yeah I'd love to actually For now As I say It's always on the rocks To be on the way out What else have you been doing?

30:00Are we What did we do? Oh yeah We One of the things I love doing In a relationship Is working out together Do you like that? No No you wouldn't do that No I don't want anyone around No you just want your own You go to the gym together? Yeah go to the gym together So we went to the gym together Right Little did I know So I mostly do weights Inside in the old gym Little did I know That she wanted to get on The fucking Oh what's the thing called The rowing machine And the The whoopie doopie What's that one? Skiing Cross trainer Kind of skiing thing Yeah God on that I was absolutely bollocks It was like I'd never been to a gym before but we went over then right and if you're out there Irish man lifting weights next to us on the bench you know who you are you know what you did we were sitting down and I was showing her a couple of things so she's like well able to do whatever but I was like oh let's do a bit of my program so I was like we're going to do a chest press we're going to lie back we're going to push up the things right and this guy's listening away and she points at the 30 kgs and she goes you probably wouldn't be able to lift them at all To who?

31:06To you? To me Is that heavy? Yeah it's pretty heavy Yeah Like it is heavy 30 each hand Yeah So 60 kg Like it's heavy And Yeah Lad next to me goes Huh Oh Little laugh So there I was And I was like Well I've just condemned myself To death here Picked up two 30 kgs No Nearly died lifting the things But like Had to do it Sometimes I do very little But like I do little Dumbbell things I'm like if I got any bit of a wobble imagine if that fell you break your arms fell on your chest you break I had I had my I had them up in the air and she put her little weights underneath it and I said are the weights underneath these while I'm lifting these right and she goes no they're fine is that the same thing as them being underneath it like no they're fine I was like well I'm going to break my arms but if it just rocked hit you in the face oh no you'd be dead like sure it's happened people like they smash your face and everything and you get a little arm wobble it can happen like you get an arm wobble and your arm's gone but one of the things is right I have to say I no I didn't I didn't have this discussion with her but a lot of a lot of a lot of girls I know you're grimacing here a lot of girls around there kind of they they were they were being a bit arty around me when I was there I was getting more kind of attention oh when I was there with the partner do you know going around kind of being a bit you know what I mean okay you know like there was one there now and she was wearing a top and it said don't hate on me it only turns me on I'd like that she would ruin your life but yeah no there was a little bit more of a vibe like you know like arseing around a little bit like cats coming around yeah yeah like old cats coming around bit of and then she thinks that's happening all the time yeah she'll be there every day well she to be honest she couldn't give a shit she couldn't care less she couldn't care less but at the same time there they were like you know you'd be sitting down doing your bit and then they'd do a little you know arse cartwheel in front of you and stuff and whatever give a look over then that's the funniest thing in the gym right for any girls listening out there I think this is absolutely hilarious is you will get these people in like in my gym it's very it's just people coming in gym and like there's no kind of showing off or arse around the place right but it's really funny you'll get the odd person coming in and they'll be very Instagramming they'd be videoing the whole thing right which isn't really the vibe in there but it was in there one day there was this girl and she was she set up her camera and whatever and she was wearing like you know not a lot right whatever you need to do right that's up to you not a lot and she went in there and she was working out but when she when she bent down to do like whatever she was doing she then whipped her own to catch someone you know there was no one looking at her like are you looking at my ass we were all looking at the ceiling like There was no fucking hope we were looking over there.

34:03I think I'd be so full of myself that I'd be so conscious of who thinks I'm gorgeous. I'd do nothing. I'd be so caught up in who's around. You'd just be picking stuff up? Non-stop. Yeah. I'm doing little bits at home. How's that going? You seem to be going well on the fitness. I'm trying. Yeah. I just want big diddies. Big diddies? Dig all biddies. Yeah? That's all I want. Try and I'll do a bit of lifting I know Come to the gym with me No Why not Absolutely not No Why I need to do it at home I need no one around Ah you'd love the gym No Two of us head in there No Lid to weights Absolutely not Tank tops No Flying it Don't want anyone Do it on my own Tell me one more thing We'll go A bit of good news I don't have a clue What to tell you I always feel like I have no news I did my shopping I have my photoshoot tomorrow You never revealed what the photoshoot Sorry saucy Oh it's a saucy one That's why the hours and everything stand Saucy So you're going in But saucy Saucy with clothes on Do you know what I mean But maybe a bit of the clothes would fall off Do you know what I mean Like oops Like a small So we might be like I'm a mechanic That's what the Not like directly.

35:31Crack is for. You know that kind of thing. And I got a lovely, the gays have gone mad, I got a lovely cycling shirt. And it's so nice. And I think I've tapped into a new trend. Poor the fancy. Yeah, cycling shirt, but wherewith with like nice trousers and it's very sexy. So yeah, a bit of that. But we're meant to do it outside in the bushes. And it's pouring rain tomorrow. So, but that could be nice. That could be kind of dramatic. Yeah. Just need someone there with a brolly. Yeah. And there'll be no one around, so you won't get in trouble. Do you know, I think I know you long enough now to say this just before we go, but a lot of the photo shoots are intentionally quite, like, could I say ballsy?

36:13Oh, yeah. Yeah, is that like an aesthetic thing you're going for? Like, I'm not even joking, I'm actually asking. Kind of like a bit shocking? Yeah, like a bit of a droop here, a bit of a droop there. Droop. Like a shorts. Like, I'm literally talking about balls. Oh, yeah, balls. Okay that's the end of that now Thanks for listening to Your Internet Boyfriends You can watch this full episode Back in HD On YouTube And we'd love to hear from you If you want to drop us a message with your news Or your saucy stories You can get us on Instagram or TikTok Or you can email us at Yourinternetboyfriends at gmail.com Off we go now Very busy Bye bye Oh and by the way big comedy show in Brixton at the Bureau of Silly Ideas it's going to be starting at 7pm on 24th so get down there it's going to be great lots of tickets sold already the venue's amazing you should come down I'm hosting it so it'll be brilliant and we've got some unbelievable acts so buy your tickets it's on Design My Night and it's on Fat Soma as well