#39 We Accidentally Shoplifted from IKEA (ft. Catherine Connolly)

0:28Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. No breakage But also no break No break No it's grand Yeah Trucking along Yeah Good for you Glad to hear that it's active And it's going well Yeah Thank God Do you think your Think your father was as active Do you know what I mean Do you think our fathers were as active No no no No No no no Do you think we're a different generation No no no Do you think we're a hornier generation I'd say so yeah I'd say well oh god I don't know the 70s come on there was a rake of people on magic mushrooms and everything in Ireland in the 70s yeah yeah around the fields yeah they were going out eating the mushrooms yeah which I don't recommend or you gotta know what you're doing I don't know there was a lot of shame there still yeah there was still a lot of you know repression there was a lot of one and done I'd say misery yeah a lot of one and done you know tell me all your news I thought I saw you the other day I saw you coming at speed down the road I was in Brixton driving around I swear I was driving my car I looked in the mirror and I saw this handsome man flying down the bus lane on a scooter oh and I wouldn't no you might on this though and this man was on a scooter and I said what kind of scooter is this lad on I honestly thought it was you lovely moustache thought here he comes he's late for something this lad flies past my car in a scooter sitting on his hand luggage flying ready to go on his hand luggage to the airport how I mean yeah yeah I've seen them the little thing comes up and it turns into a seat like the bag the bag is is the bag the scooter or the bag is on no the scooter is the scooter right then they place their like Ryanair hand luggage on it sit on it and sit on the hand luggage down the road turn it into a little bit of a car and drive down on the scooter.

2:30So they're sitting down on the scooter, flying. And I thought, here he is, he's finally lost it. Do you think I'd do that? I'd get a taxi. I think if you were very stuck for a gig, I think you'd be very committed to a gig, and if there was no form of transport left, like if you were going to the airport, I thought you were swanning off to Ireland or something, and you were sitting down in the suitcase. It was a nice suitcase as well. And he was flying. Very sturdy. And then the next day, right, I mean like I think I think this is why people are so worried and scared when they come to London is because of this stuff saw a fella on a bike on a rented bike yeah flying down massive hand luggage pulling it on the side smoke coming off the wheels flying along that's an accident oh and he was coming flying but what's happening like what's what's happening there is that they're going not gonna bother getting the bus he was trying to get a bus the train was probably delayed tried to get a taxi and then that was it.

3:27That's the last option. But I've seen suitcases that turn into scooters. Like a little handle comes up and then they have a little motor in them and you fly down. Are you talking about the children's ones? There's grown-up versions I've seen on TikTok and there's old women going around airports. It's a long way to walk through an airport. Wait, the suitcase is a motorized? You sit up on it and then you have your little and then two things come out and you put the feet. Flying around the house. And you go down, like probably not down the road, but like in the airport. Isn't that nice? I love when I see them coming along in the car.

4:02Who? Do you know the older people coming along in the car? The mobility scooters? No, like they do it for other people. Oh, in the airport? Yeah. Or the little truck? Yeah, but you see like, especially if you're on a flight now to Cork or whatever. Yeah. And it'd be the Irish, the Irish nanas would be. They'd be waving and going. Oh, they're like trying to break. Yeah. And they're always faced backwards. So it's even more mortifying because you're just sitting reversing through the airport. They love it. And then they're always talking with the big handsome man driving them. Yeah. The handsome man.

4:35I was actually in a shop the other day and I'm going to jump to a massive conclusion here now. Right. But I think this person was definitely bringing drag energy to the shop. Like definitely was a drag performer. Right. Yeah. Because they came in and there was a guy behind the counter and I'd say he was 57. Okay. Right. And this person comes in and she says to him, young man, young man, you don't have my chewing gum. Right. Just shouting it at him. Right. But in a really kind of nice way. Yeah. She was probably 20 years younger than I might say. Like. Yeah. And then he goes, he goes, what chewing gum is it, ma 'am?

5:14What chewing gum is it? He goes, my big tub of extra spearmint. and then he goes I have it right here for you and he fucking got it out and popped it up on the counter and then she goes you're a something like oh you're a beautiful young man slapped up the card and left and I was like wow energy big fur coats kind of yeah yeah yeah like draping in I was like amazing I don't know where that person is off to but they're they're loving it with minty fresh bread some people really just denounce themselves yeah I kind of love it though in London because it's like you know it's tough going there's a fella in Soho he I'd say he must be 50 or 60 and he just walks around the streets screaming champagne champagne for everybody all the time everyday champagne love it yeah he's good except when you're working in like you know Lush or something well no because I'm doing my tours so I'm telling a very serious story about a bomb and then champagne champagne for everybody you're trying to rack up some sympathy and stuff that bloody you know about we're not making light there was a bomb attack in Soho years ago ago and as part of the tour.

6:19And it's always the part when something happens, something like comical and I'm trying to be very serious and tell this really serious story and then champagne comes down or there'll be, there's Prowler, did I say this before? Yeah, you told us about this one. And they start waving dildos in the windows. And it's always the most serious little part of the tour. I find that quite nice though. I know. It's like we've moved on to more accepting time. Congrats on the gig. Oh yes On our sold out gig In Brixton Excellent It was brilliant I absolutely loved it Yeah We had some amazing acts on We'd Kate Checkers Closing the show It was amazing One of my favourite jokes I'm not going to say it now Obviously Because I'm not going to Burn any content But it has one of my favourite jokes If you see her Pop up anywhere Why are you looking at me like that?

7:08Which kind of one? Which joke? Don't say it Give me a vague I don't even want to I don't even want to go near it but it's a very good joke but she was great Ed Keir was great he opened up the second half they were all great in fact they all have lovely arses yes that's what I was going to say as well but no it was brilliant it was a really good night do you know what I thought about it though for anyone listening out there who might come to the next one on December 12th it's very cool it's quite cool wasn't it I was a bit scared it's down a dodgy lane you'd never come across it and then you get there you're like I'm real cool there is you walk it's under a bridge It's under a bridge, but it's through, like, it's through a gate, it's into a car park, it's around the corner.

7:52Yeah. And then you see the little huddle of people and the lights. You're like, okay, I'm fine. I think the selling point of it is, though, you're going to tell people you have to come and just walk into this place. Yeah, yeah. Because you can't imagine that it's going to be in here. Yeah, it's proper tucked away. With lots of neon lights. I love that. Great branding. Yeah, it was really, really good. Who designed the logo? That's Henry. So Henry down in Brixton with the People's Comedy. So strong. Everyone's taking pictures. Sorry. Henry Down in Bristol with the People's Comedy. Oh, what did you say?

8:20I said Brixton. That's where our one is. They are quite similar words. Yes. Would they do one in Brighton as well, maybe? Probably, yeah. Anywhere else. They're just branching out. Branching out and going down. Brighton, Brixton. But we'll be getting you on soon, no? I'd love to do it. I'm busy now in December. Of course you are. I can't do it. I have my show. But I'll do it next year then, maybe. That'll be nice. Do you know what? It was lovely to sit back and do nothing. That is nice That was my favourite bit But It's lovely to sit back And do nothing But also be treated Like you're famous Because you were treated Like you were famous Oh there was a bit of fuss There was fuss Yeah yeah yeah And there was people Looking over at you Doing the pinky And I said Listen I'm just a member Of the public Tonight I don't want any Special treatment Someone said that they Someone said as well That they Accidentally shamed themselves In front of you as well Who's that?

9:06Someone They were talking about Catherine Connolly Yeah Our new president Cohorticus and you said something like we'll have to we'll have to see Catherine now soon or something like that oh we'll have to get the news is there any news from Catherine any news from Catherine or whatever person misheard it very enthusiastic loves you like listens to the podcast and said oh do you know Catherine yeah completely different Catherine different Catherine yeah know Catherine on Luke's one we'll come to Catherine in a minute but I thought yeah very good I was very impressed I I enjoyed the vibes I enjoyed the look of the place it was nice and dark nice and sexy cool I thought I had a great joke And to be honest I thought it deserved more If I did it About three quarters into the show It would have killed Say it again But it was Where I said that This is what I normally do On a Friday night Oh I get paid to perform Under a bridge That's funny yeah That's a great joke Yeah But people were like That's a bit sexy And then you said something about The whole place could fall down I like that Oh yeah that was true I love scaring them a little bit And of course we had We had A listener of the podcast In the front row Who was that?

10:10Oh, Jesus. Oh, God almighty. Can I apologise for the community? We had an LGBT in the front row. And, you know, years ago, the LGBT community had a lot of worry and shame and, you know, repressed themselves. And I'd say that sometimes could be revisited. There was a lot of pride there There was There was a lot of clicking and yassing Which In a comedy show When the person clicking and yassing Is louder than the person on the stage with the microphone Very hard Very hard And often not even the funniest jokes Not even close Click Not even close And every time I did a click It took a big slug of wine as well Yeah To the point where they had four or five stains on the t-shirt Oh And the person next to him never turned up front row do you know what you have to be you have to wonder about it though sometimes when you see someone dart for the front row when you see someone go up and they put the jumper on the front row full intended I'd say to be part of the show might as well get up on the stage absolutely yeah they were funny and charming for 30 seconds and then became dangerous so irritating talked I'd say responded to every single line that was said on the stage for a good bit yeah and then I thought because I'm running the place and I don't have to worry about anything it was so good to tell him shut the fuck up shut the fuck up in T's face but he didn't no no I didn't really he thought it was funny everyone else thought it was funny but he didn't unfortunately people don't realise how mad it is to be on the stage there's how many people 100 people 100 people yeah looking at you and then there's one person driving you insane but the people further back they don't really fully understand how annoying the person is being so you can't respond you can always hear the groan though you can kind of hear the internal groan you know when like they do it a six to seven time or whatever and they go you can kind of feel the crow go I've never heard a yass in response to but the yasses were all mistimed not the best jokes no they were like you know I wear a jumper and then it's like yass anyway god apologies from the LGBTs Cohorticus Galair to Catherine we have a new president of Ireland the Daily Mail is furious they said a woke left extremist has taken over Ireland and the country is going to be in ruins what do you think the headline would have been if our woman Humphreys I I bit my tongue from saying too much about Heather Humphreys I don't think you did I didn't say too much she God love her I think she's going to just disappear back into whatever she was doing.

13:05I am delighted she did not win. She's just not the right. Just to clue everyone in, right, for our UK listeners, there was a presidential race happening in Ireland. So in Ireland, we have an elected head of state. Yeah. Could you believe that? Get on board. Yeah. It was symbolic in nature of a role. They'd attend dinners. They'd hand their own shamrock and stuff. Yeah. Until the two women came in then. Yeah. Robinson and McAleese and they kind of changed their own and they made it more of you could kind of get get some things done you could say some things and you could shape culture a little bit I think yeah and then it changed and we had Michael D and now we have Catherine but we had a we had a presidential race that I don't think it was ever close no it was a joke really they all dropped out most of them dropped out one lad you have to think like look I have no sympathy for any of them that were involved in the stuff they're involved in but at the same time you have to think about it like why would they get involved in the first place with some of this stuff in their closet oh if you have any controversies so what was the guy's name Galvin John Galvin what was his first name I don't care yeah Mr.

14:15Galvin anyway it turns out or it turns out there that he was a landlord and a tenant accidentally paid him money too much money allegedly I don't know if I have to say allegedly or not I think he's all over the papers he's gone now and he got torpedoed as a result of that which I actually think is a good reflection of the country to be honest it was nice to see someone actually get taken down for a scandal the whole thing was excellent Conor McGregor tried to run the whole country said would you get lost you just get out the door get out the door it wasn't entertained at all there was a few others there that were just useless and they were they were just pushed away and then the heavyweights Heather Humphries to be honest she wasn't an awful person but just didn't have much I think you're being too fair this is Heather Humphreys is like the secondary school teacher final boss.

15:04Yeah. Like she is She's nothing kind of. Ah but could you imagine her coming into a house coming in you know what I mean like the energy she'd have. She's a politician. But she'd take down anything good you'd be doing. Yeah. You know. Like when they asked her about fox hunting. Oh yeah she supports it. Yeah. Because she wants the farmers. But do you know what her answer was? It's a rural pursuit. No. What? I have a lovely dog at home. Well I have a small dog. she's like someone who's been through so much political media training she doesn't even know what she thinks anymore she's completely just wrapped up in her every time she spoke she said she has a grandson who's seven weeks old called James that's all I've ever heard her say and she used to work for a credit union and I should be the president but I think she's been fairly ridiculed who put her in she shouldn't be there but that's what I mean she's been fairly ridiculed no I know she just has to go back with nothing not even close like it was an absolute landslide Catherine Connolly so what are you hoping now from our new president oh Catherine's great she says all the right things do you know what else so she speaks the Irish language she does she taught herself like later in life she refreshed it and picked it up on purpose because of her job in politics which is great and her Irish is not like I don't know it's not super complicated I can understand what she's saying which is nice but Heather Humphries the other candidate doesn't have a word of Irish So Catherine won Did you see what she did?

16:29What? She did the whole acceptance speech In Irish Good woman The other one was standing there Big smile Hadn't a clue what she was saying Excellent Isn't that very funny? Yeah I think she's great She's nice She says all the right things About global events I think she's nice And do you think she's nice Mark? I think she's nice Are you looking for some sort of Well I think she's quite nice Secretarial position here Some sort of Official I couldn't Swanning I could see you next door though swanning around I could swan around she's very lefty she's all the nice views about like homeless people people who need help the LGBTs she's nice to the trans she's good to the she's good to all the people who need help basically and she's a very humble woman she's a very like I'd say she's no desire to be a big star big celebrity I'd say she'll lose the plot do you think?

17:22I'd say she'll go off gold rings this is going to be rocky too now Mercedes oh my lord up until like last July no she was you know she's a small player in Irish politics you know now she's going to come into this lose the rag big wigs yeah she's going to she might buy a big wig yeah she will she'll buy a big wig yeah no she seems like a very very like just country woman west of Ireland woman yeah no nothing no nonsense she's great I love her but it's a good little vision maybe for what could happen next Well, she's, you know, big or small boots to fill up Michael D. She's very similar to Michael D.

17:59I think they have the same sense of the world. Yeah, they have the same sandwich. They get on well, I think, yeah. I've been up all morning. I got up very early. So I had a busy day. I was off today. Can I just say, is the reset over? Are you back? Huh? Are you back to getting up at five o 'clock in the morning, ironing shorts? I got up at half seven. Oh, that's great. Not bad. But I was off and I had a few little jobs. I did a few little emails. and then I had to go to North London. What got? My friend has, I won't say his name, he has got a new house and so we had to go bless the house. Get out.

18:38We did that. And then, well we had two jobs, we had to bless the house and then we had to kind of do a bit of planning and then we went to Ikea to buy bits for the house. You blessed the house before you went to Ikea? Yeah, yeah. No, to get a sense of the house. Oh right. to get a few of them see what works and what doesn't where do you need a mirror what holds you yeah so that was lovely and then we headed off to Ikea and we got a million things and it was very nice kind of like a little little day out pottering around if I was doing that now I'd have to say I would probably wait until after Ikea to ensure the person comes to Ikea with me do you think so and actually puts in a good shift because if I rode them before Ikea I think they might sorry feck off sorry if I if I if I did stuff before Ikea with them yeah they might be like oh actually I'm ah yeah I know we're good friends I wouldn't do that yeah but yeah we got loads of things but it's good to kind of like sit in the room for a while and be like plan where do you need a little shelf to put a cup or where do you need do you know feel it out put your stuff it's not a very big room so it's kind of like a little bit of planning it was lovely and how is the bed squeaky that's one thing that's great that's good not a sound yeah the housemates were downstairs we're like how did that go you came down to G did we disturb you yeah no great so that's nice oh so it's just a room you're doing it's kind of like do you know these houses where there's like an there's like an upper floor mezzanine mini flat within a flat oh okay like a little bathroom bedroom in a on the top floor the whole thing and then the rest of the people are oh you go down then to say hello when you need to so we went to Ikea and then we were accused of shoplifting in Ikea.

20:26I was furious. I was like, excuse me, do you think I need to steal fucking three pound ceramic pot? Walk us through. So, we scan, scan, did all the things and then, now we had loads of bags because we went to another shop before and in Ikea you scan yourself and you're not like putting it on a It's not like Tesco, like, it doesn't weigh the thing after you've scanned it. So you could scan a few things and forget to scan a few things. You host warming gifts? Yeah, and you could, and we were arsing around because we had loads of bags and we were putting things in and out of bags and we were being watched.

21:07And then the man, when we were leaving, and we were so giddy, we were like, God, we've done it all now. And we were skipping out the door and then, for whatever reason, he decided we were criminals. and he stopped us and he said where's your receipt and we said we don't have a receipt because they don't it's like in the email it's in the phone and then we couldn't like get the phone because it just gets sent to your thing but you're three stories under the ground in Oxford Street so you have no internet so like we don't have the so then he went to the fucking the till to print off the receipt got a big fuss like don't let anyone use the till print it off the receipt and he's like there's nine items nine items on the receipt I'm like we have nine items and I was because I did the scanning and I knew I was right did you like being in that position I was like right and my friend was being very overly nice and like trying to reassure and I was like nah fact that you can look all you want there dig through my bags dig through my bags so he went look I'm counting there's a rug there's a towel there's a whatever and he could only find a eight things and there was nine things on the receipt.

22:21Refund. And he was like, he was getting so bothered and I was like, count them again, please. And he said, no, there's only eight, there should be nine. I was like, are you trying to accuse us of paying for more things? What the fuck is wrong with you? And he was so angry and he wasn't counting. There was like a tiny little thing that he wasn't counting. And then he found this little, I wish you could see it, the shittest little wicker basket like the size of my hand from some other shop for two pounds and he was like what's this what's this this isn't on the list and that's from another shop it's like but it's not on the receipt but it's actually from another shop and I was like I was thrilled I was like are you gonna are you gonna like are you gonna keep going with this and he kept counting we've done for ages and I was like you just he was so determined to find something he couldn't let it go in his little uniform in his little uniform all hyped up yeah like we'd spent 200 quid like get out do you know what it is though wow boredom no it's the eyebrow mark do you think it's the eyebrow I'd say he saw the eyebrow with the slit in it he said who's this man now he's got loads of bags it's so infuriating god almighty and that's us like that's two shiny preppy white boys like I have friends who just get followed around shops all the time just assumed and they're like sorry I have a huge job I have loads of money I don't need to I don't need to steal anything.

23:45You're just making a judgment. I went in to get razors inside the pharmacy and to take up two pictures of the razors to the counter. Okay, so you're trying... Two pictures. What I brought up. I said, can I have those, please? And then they went off into a drawer and got it. And I was like, wow. They didn't trust you. No, just pictures is all I was able to buy of it. I know. It's so annoying. We're having such a great little day. Wait, what happened then? Did you swap? Should that say... Were you shook then after that? I was shook. I was annoyed. And then you have to drag the bags. And I was like, right, this day's over I'm done so I fucked him onto the train I was like go send him off goodnight goodbye he's in floods of tears on the train going off stop it no that was the plan you gotta watch out if you ask Mark to help you move that was the plan but god almighty leave us alone yeah I don't think I've ever nothing I've ever been caught shoplifting and then I was like oh god I hope to god he didn't accidentally like put some you know like it could happen because we had loads of stuff in the trolley but I was very smug but we got lovely bits we went for wicker bits wicker bits creamy bits brownie bits for what?

24:56for the bedroom what are you putting in them? rugs throws curtains went all out big mirrors everywhere wait how much stuff did you carry? quite a big bag he had someone then to pick him up the other side oh right he needed leave him on that. He'd need it. And so you didn't go back and decorate any of it, no? I'll go back another time. See, this is the thing. If you didn't do the right at the start. But I'll go back again. You won't. When it's all done. It'll be all done, yeah. Yeah. Would you switch around a few bits? How much were you involved in the decision process? We did a bit of switching around, yeah.

25:28We dragged the bed around. No, but I mean, like, did you tell him, get that mirror there and I'll get that there, or were you just saying? It's nice to just have someone to talk through. No, it is, yeah. Do you know? when I went and got my stuff Lisa basically picked out everything I know that sounds a bit useless but and it is but she would pick out two things and say which one do you want because I had so much stuff to get that it was completely overwhelming like we went into Dunelm and picking out bedspreads and I was like I actually can't do this I know like I actually don't know where to start like what tog of you know like mattress cover and shit do I need and whatever went into Dunelm the last actually we picked out a lot of candles.

26:08Oh yes. £50 Mark. Each. Yeah massive. Some of them are. A three wick. Three what? My mother has a lot of these big three wick. Three wick. The triple wick. Do you know them for Christmas? They're£50. I don't understand them though. Are you not just burning three candles at the same time and you could be burning one? Well one would never get around because they're big and fat.

26:32Back to Clare so soon Mark. Back to Clare soon. just for a little visit because we've all the birthdays the whole house everyone's birthday is in November oh wow we're all M's in this house lovely and we're all Scorpios and Sagittarius the whole family isn't that weird weird it is weird so it means I have to buy about seven presents oh okay this is great alright but it's Christmas then six weeks later so who's there who do we have Mary Cox Mary my mother my father my brother's wife my sister and two of her kids. You're all in November? And me. All of you? And someone else. Alright, so let's work our way up there now.

27:14So the nephews? Is it two nephews? The nephews, they're... Two nephews. I can't remember what age they are. They're all nine or something. That's classic uncle. That's fine. Once they got out it'd like been three or four. Yeah, I have no idea. But they're like they just want football and things so that's easy enough. Football? And a jersey? Yeah, lovely. They're twins so you have to kind of Two jerseys give them something a little bit different Okay, Grant that's easy They're done Sister-in-law? Sister-in-law maybe Potpourri Something Yeah Something nice A nice Mills and no Mills and Boone is a fucking sex novel Nice Don't get rid of that A nice something You know you know what I mean like like Bark and Essence or you know some bat thing A three wick maybe A triple wick A triple wick Yeah Get a triple wick candle Hard to bring that home though It's a kg in the hand luggage Sometimes I'll order I must do that now I'll order things And post them home Because there's Amazon now in Ireland Oh god we shouldn't use Amazon I'll use the post I never use it I'd never use it I never use it Come on Alright so we've got those That's easy I'm working towards The big one here now Sister So a sister The nephews Who else?

28:29A sister-in-law And a sister Oh the sister What's the sister getting? Something nice You haven't answered this I don't fucking know I've been 30 years Where are you going to shop? Buying presents for people What did you get last year? But then it's Christmas I don't even know Probably an old voucher Luke said it's both Go for a scratch card Go for dinner Sometimes that's the nicest A voucher Oh you bring them all to dinner No I wouldn't go But get them out I wouldn't go Give them something to go for dinner Go and send them out to dinner Alright so the sister's getting a voucher Something maybe For Goodfellas Italian restaurant in Ennis And I'll yeah and do you know there was a there was an Italian restaurant in Mallow called Goodfellas oh and they got done for it yeah and from the Goodfellas estate whatever like yeah they had to change the name so they changed it to Uncle Brando's jeez alright okay but here we go now the parents can't get away with this you can't say it's nice these are big ones you're coming home as the big famous son everyone loves you the siblings are sick of seeing you coming in the door because you're going to be treated like royalty.

29:32There's no big, I won't say they're years now, but there's no big year. There's no like 70th or 50th, you know. So, honest to God, it's been 35 years of buying presents. What on earth do they want anymore? What are you going to get this at? Something for jobs, I'd say. Jobs, school drivers. Jobs around the house, jobs kind of out in the garden, something like that. What shop are you going to go to To get your dad An old job It would have to be Like Leyland's Or something Leyland's Like a DIY So honest to God Like something for jobs And then my mother Oh my god The mother You're going to have to get her Something good And it's going to have to be better Than all the rest of them It's very tricky If you bring out the The triple wick for The sister-in-law But you see what I mean Christmas is Six weeks later It's a lot of pressure but you're not one of these people you're not one of these people though that you know if the birthday is close to Christmas then you get the same present I think that's scandalous but it's all the same time of the year as well it's all like scarves and fucking it's how many scarves and gloves and it's tricky isn't it some other can only I could have tens of thousands pairs of gloves jewels she loves big jewels she loves like colourful jewellery hat butcher jewellery yeah like over the top sometimes that's a winner what about a nice ornament yeah Faldides I should call them Have we talked about this word?

30:59What the fuck is that? Faldides What's Faldides? Oh it's my favourite word That's a Faldide There beside you An unnecessary What's beside me? The little ceramic Ornament thing Ring thing A Faldide Is A useless Object That just sits on a shelf An ornament A figurine Faldides Figurine So this place is full of Faldides They're just Bits Is that a word that your mother's meant? I don't know Is this I talked about this years ago with someone I don't know if it's a word that other people use Or is it like an Irish I've never heard Faldides before But it does sound like It sounds perfect though It sounds like it might come from Ireland An old Faldides My house is full of fucking Faldides Faldides Absolutely full of Faldides Could you describe a few of them?

31:46Tripping over them Oh just little ornaments Little men Yeah You know like a band Yeah Maybe from Spain Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Probably you know Maybe Maybe a little troubling. Big hat. Yeah, big hat. Maybe a bit troubling. Who else? We'd have, if I walk through my house, my house actually, Do you have a Faldide cabinet? Cabinet full of Faldides. Little bits. Faldides. Talk us through. Vases. Vases with nothing in them. Yeah. No flowers in them. A Watford crystal. A cabinet of Watford crystal. My dad used to be a big quizzer. Oh. And they used to win quizzes up and down the country because he worked it on post.

32:25Oh. Royal Mail for anyone else out there or the post office or whatever. Yeah. But they used to win it up and down the country and they got a cabinet and they put all the water crystal into it. Wow. Full of fault IDs. Prizes you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice stuff. Like really nice stuff. But all over the place. Do you know, I was talking to my friend the other day and we were talking about speaking of fault IDs because this is one of these things now, right? You're not sure whether or not that just exists in your family. In my house. Right? Yeah. One of the things that we had, my dad would always make up words.

32:54Yeah. And then you'd go to school and be shamed by revealing because they'd never tell you that it was a lie. Like one of the things my dad would say is that food was slurp. Slurp. Slurp, meaning it's lovely. Oh, that's slurp. Oh. And he just pretended this was a word everyone used until my sister went to school and then described her lunch as slurp in front of everyone. Oh, laughing. And it was probably called slurp for the next six months. But when I was talking to my friend and we were talking about lies that her parents told us. Yeah. Like warnings. But she told me one of the best ones I've ever heard her mother told her like this is I don't I think this is Irish I don't see American parents doing this I don't even see English parents doing this putting the fear of God into you to just do something they were told that if they didn't dry themselves off after a shower they get arthritis as children as children oh god isn't that terrible but for years they just assumed that they would yeah goes into the bones yeah and you get arthritis from it and then never cleared it up when are you going to when are you going to say that to someone yeah you know if it's said enough it just it just like seeps into you right yeah I remember we saw I was walking through Killarney once and we saw two dogs something yeah and everyone's laughing and my mother turned around to me and she goes they'll die after that she wouldn't want to come into my house yeah or a sign of good luck if you ever saw like riding dogs no but anything could be a sign of good luck a spider or a cat oh but she'd make anything up a cloud do you know what I was thinking as well the other day right is the you know there's the patron saints yeah so like in for anyone out there who's praying to the sun or something and you don't know what we're talking about like we've got a lot of patron saints in Catholicism and so like you have the patron saint of finding things would be we pray to Saint Anthony what else have we got that's the main one that's pretty much the main one patron saint of animals and stuff is Francis of Assisi who's the one for the car there's one you put in the car Padre Pio no Padre Pio I don't know to be honest is he the patron saint of cars Padre Pio is he must be one of the most famous ones Padre Pio yeah he's just he's stigmata so he had the signs of crucifixion in his palms yeah but he was a celeb he was big news he was big news was he was he in modern times recent yeah was he alive I think he was 50s 60s like okay I could be well wrong with that because there's photos of him yeah I know I think he's 50s 60s I know what he looks like yeah but he used to be you could see him flying up and down the road like he'd be on every windscreen in Ireland there at one point yeah yeah yeah but I was just just thinking I don't think he's patron saint of cars but I was thinking it must be harder now as a saint to get a patron saint, you know?

35:51Like, what are you going to be? Like, in that sense, you're just going to be the patron saint of, like, Nissan Premieres, you know? Yeah. Must be running out of stuff. AI. Yeah. Patron saint of AI, that's actually a good one. Yeah. That would probably have to be... Did you see the AI of Heather Humphries shooting the fox? No. We can't be spreading that stuff now. Well. Who's to say it was AI? Who's to say? Halloween's coming on pretty soon now. Halloween is tonight, tomorrow night, is it? yeah today is Thursday is it when this is coming out is it tomorrow night so tomorrow night oh wow I'm going to the Divine to see Barb's okay Barb's is a wonderful woman she's a drag performer and she's she's famous for falling down very funnily like she does every act she does she kind of trips like a bit of Chris Farley very yeah hilarious will throw herself down a pair of stairs like a run of stairs like carrying loads of shopping bags she's very good and she's very talented and she plays piano and she's yeah so she's doing something we've all booked are you dressed up I don't think I no I don't know do the gays dress up much they do yeah I don't know am I bothered but I'm actually going to see my friends all in one room isn't that nice that's never happened that never happened so that'll be good and then then I have my show on Sunday at Rose is my talk show which I'm going to oh you're coming yeah Oh, fantastic.

37:19Am I? Yeah. Is it this? This one is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, nice. Great. November 2nd, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going, yeah. Oh, fantastic. That'd be nice. We're going to have... I have two guests confirmed. I lost a guest, so I haven't done it. Third guest, TBC, but we have Diva D. Diva D is a bear-esque performer. Could you guess what that is? You said bear-esque. I did. Okay. There's two things this could be, right? Go on. I'm actually going to jump for the one that I don't think it is but it probably is. Yeah. She dresses up as a bear. Yeah. And does burlesque. No. Okay. It's completely naked burlesque.

37:56No. It's a bear. Like a gay bear. Ah, damn it! Okay. With no clothes on. Alright. Like a a larger. What is a bear then? Just a larger figured gay. Does a bear have to be hairy? No. No? See, I always thought that a bear had to be kind of like a kind of like hairy chested but super glam so so coy like they're so like I'm just a little dainty little poop poop poop it's the best so good we've done a million shows together great and then we have Father JC from Cork a drag king from Cork lives in Margate so maybe you wouldn't know of like when they're in Cork but yeah they're great and they're on tour with their show around the place and then someone else I'll figure it out or maybe not and I'll be waving from the audience he'll be waving from the audience yeah that'll be nice that's great fantastic and then Christmas I'm ready I have my photo shoot this week Christmas photo shoot you had another photo shoot recently is what I said oh god almighty I got a message from Mark I said how did the photo shoot go and he messaged me back and he said I can't tell you anything about the photo shoot because it would push the limits of our friendship now we talk quite freely about everything so lord he's the hood on now little red writing hood he's hiding inside in his hood what did you get up to in the bushes I really can't you told me when we were talking about this in the last episode there's some things I'll never show you you told me I don't want to I can't see them but you told me that you there might be some clothes off but this sounded like you went it was a very nice day the weather was very fine.

39:47Yeah, because you're worried it was raining. And it wasn't as cold as I thought and I ended up at very mucky knees. Mucky knees, right. So that's it. Oh, okay, great. Oh, tell me one, oh we've loads more time. No, do you know what I was doing for the spirit of Halloween? Yeah. So I did a bit of pumpkin carving. I saw that. Did you see that? Yeah. I did Jack Skellington and my roommate, she did kind of a screaming pumpkin. Mine was 100 times better. Mine was very good. Hers was an attempt. And then we watched Scream last night. Oh, very good. The first? Yeah, the first one, right? Out in 1996. Courtney Cox, David Arquette.

40:28Yeah. Other people. Oh, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo is in it, I think. Yeah. But do you know what I was doing when I was watching Scream? If I give you a million guesses, you'll be able to guess it. I had a red light LED mask on. for the skin for the skin treatment the skin is good thank you yeah do you think it worked yeah definitely wow 10 years younger I woke up smart what a vision new regime okay happening say it so we've got for anyone out there right that's all you need to do you've got to get cleanser in the morning yeah get a little bit of vitamin C yeah but here's the catch with the vitamin C right when you're inside in super drug right having a nervous breakdown trying to like get your regime together right you'll see stuff that says vitamin C brightening cream, star, asterisk, right?

41:15That means that it just has a derivative of vitamin C in it. What you're really looking for is pure vitamin C. Okay. And you'll only, I could only find it in the men's section. Right. You get a little bit of cleanser, a little bit of vitamin C, put on your SPF then, make sure it's about 30 plus. Yeah. Right? SPF and moisturizer. That's you done for the morning. Okay. In the evening then, we want to do cleanser again. Yes. You can bang on the LED mask. You can do it about five times a week if you need to. Yeah. Then you got to get your peptides. What's that? Peptides, for anyone out there, I'm not giving anyone medical advice here or anything, skin advice, right?