#40 We Need to Talk About Lily Allen... and the £17 Chicken Scandal

0:28Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. I saw a man's arse on Bond Street in London. Lovely, fancy arse. I wouldn't say, to be honest, no, right? I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be a fan of the men's arses that I've seen in the last year. How many arses would you have seen in a normal week? What, you mean male arses? Yeah. Oh, no arses. The gym? No, I don't change it to the gym. Shy. In and out. Not shy, too confident. Oh. You know, wouldn't want to be putting the pressure on everyone else. Upset them. Yeah, so I just skedaddle out of there. No, I don't. I don't change. There's changing rooms there and stuff.

1:02Okay, in and out. In and out. Who's arse? So a man's arse on Bond Street as I whipped around the corner thinking about what a lovely autumnal day it was in London when it was just winning my heart back. I turned around and there was a man who for some reason just got it really wrong changing his trousers or something. Came out of a fancy enough shop decided, you know what? I'm going to throw these on now. I think he was going from maybe shorts to trousers. And decided that he'd do it on the street as I was coming right around. And arse out, he got it brutally wrong. Brutally wrong. And then he tried to hop, skip himself up then into the trousers.

1:41Was it the underpants came off by accident? The whole thing. It was pure arse. Could you describe to the listeners what Bond Street is? Bond Street, no, would be a very fancy street full of... Goonchies. You need to be careful. of art for sale that's very expensive in certain shops and then there'd be more I would say esteemed auctioneers that are around the place as well. More institutions rather than what I would describe as tourist art. Yeah, yeah. You know. I think of it as like shops, high-end shops. Yeah. Like Cartier, Gucci, big luxury brands. Security guard outside. May or may not let you in.

2:27Yeah, and everything is beige and clean and beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, it's very nice at the Christmas. Do you know what? His arse was beige and beautiful. Oh. Well, it was definitely beige. Yeah. Yeah. God, love him. And how about your ones? You saw two? I saw two, yeah. Lovely. I've seen them before. Yeah. Yeah, they're fine. Lovely. Yeah? Where did you... Friendly. Oh, sure. See them at the same time or different times? No, different times. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. Different times. Yeah. I met lovely friends. I nearly saw oh god yeah why not I met I was flirting at the weekend with strangers on the street I did a tour and I had these two and I was thrown I couldn't think I was doing my queer history tour and there was these two very attractive fellas from Berlin look like just whatever you whatever image you have of a trendy gay from Berlin two of them look like that and they were just sparkly eyed looking at me the whole time I was like, you're going to have to leave.

3:28I can't remember anything I'm talking about. I was giddy. I was weak at the knees. I've seen you interact a lot with yours. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, yeah. And then they arrived at the show last night. Of course they did. Oh, yes. I sure forgot the words of the songs. I was all upside down. Yeah, but one of them now has moved to London from Berlin. Yeah. And the other one is visiting and he has to go back to Berlin today. so I said I look after the other one and I was kind of joking and then he was like yes I was like oh my god what have I what have I signed up for and one of them looks exactly like me like which one's moving back the one that looks like me okay so I can just slip in there and replace so that's the little dream that I've made up that's I've no kind of concrete kind of how was the calendar looking Mark busy yeah busy but I had a lovely day I had a lovely lunch well I was planning I'm kind of furious I was planning to have a lovely lunch do you know when you have a friend and they're like let's meet up and do something nice and there's a bit of pressure to kind of pick somewhere nice and make it nice and like have it like a nice environment and like good food and like not too loud and not too chaotic well we go to wherever we meet up it's usually Gales I wouldn't say it's nice Yeah, no, it's not, right?

4:53Why is it not? So I'm just, it's pretty basic, right? Yeah. It's like a quick thing. Yeah. So I'm just wondering why I'm not getting this event treatment. Because I see you all the time and it's usually, it's the end of the day and we're like, we just need to talk. Just need to talk. It's not a treat. It's not working out. It's just, let's just get in somewhere. Gales, do you know why that's not nice? Everything is hard. Everything bounces the sound around. It makes me so anxious. So are you saying the scones are hard? The walls are hard? Everything's hard. The floors are hard. The tables are hard.

5:23The chairs are hard. There's no backs in the chairs. No, there isn't. They're trying, they don't really want you to stay very long. No, there's an edge to the place. I'm hopping. And it's usually like my fifth coffee of the day and I'm bouncing around. The noise is bouncing around and it just puts me on edge and they're banging things and yeah, don't love it. So I didn't want that. And it was my friend, do you know Garoad Farrelly? I do know Garoad, yeah. Very famous Irish comedian. I've done some gigs with him. Homosexual. He's not, is he? Yeah, and has been around for a long time. I'd say one of the first homosexual comedians in Ireland.

5:59Probably, yeah. Like Graham Norton. I would say, actually no, right? From a person who lived in Ireland, I would have known of Garold before I did comedy. I don't think I would have known that he was gay. Oh, you would now. You know? From seeing his act or from... I suppose just in general. knowing of him yeah yeah he's fairly gay now yeah he's very gay yeah I can the things he taught me now fairly gay yeah but he's around and just wanted you know to impress him come on you wanted to impress him he's a celebrity you wanted to say I'm in London this is my normal life every day of the week and you wanted to do a little bit of fibbing yeah you wanted to fib yeah to grow it and I was and actually Shoreditch it's full of places but there's something wrong with everything or I can find something wrong with everything.

6:55So we went to should I call it out? Yeah of course call it out. I'm going to call it out. We went to the Boundary Hotel which is on Do you know it? No I'm just saying you're leaving yourself options that's all. On Red Church Street has been renovated. I always thought it was kind of a bit nice a bit nice they have kind of cream you know those boucle chairs I do know them I do know them because Lisa loves them and I keep forgetting the name of them Lamb they look like lambs yeah like lambs stapled onto a chair and they have like nice tables and there's I don't know it's a place where if you spilled a coffee you'd have to run out of it yeah you know so I thought okay we went there and then he arrived and it was great because we got a little corner I love a corner love a corner I hate sitting across the table from someone.

7:48I hate sitting. Okay, I hate sitting at the bar. Absolutely hate that. And I hate sitting across from someone at a table that is an absurd length. You're shouting. Hate it. Screaming. But then have you made the move? I've seen the move happen. I've done it sometimes but it's kind of weird. Especially if the guy makes the move over to the girl on a date. Oh? I don't know why I'm specifically saying guy and girl but I think that's just it seems a little bit across the table. No, he'll like sit in next to them but then he's quite close to the couple next to it you know it's like oh so if you have a long bench yeah and you both sit on the same side yeah and then you're sitting on someone else's knee yes yeah on their coat a bit I had that yesterday actually I went to or no the other day Saturday I went to Ketner's which is lovely very fancy and I was with someone who was more than a friend and was it one of the artists?

8:40yeah

8:45no name no personality nothing else Jesus Christ but you know you want to be a little bit cute and you're stuck across this table but yeah the other couple was too close to us but anyway we had the little lunch and we ordered the buttermilk chicken now what would you expect a brunch buttermilk chicken like 15 17 pound like what would you expect that to be I would say I would be expecting a hefty A hefty bit of chicken. Yeah. Right? What? Like, are we talking about like, oh, you said buttermilk. So not butter chicken. No, buttermilk chicken. Buttermilk chicken, I'm expecting quarter of a chicken.

9:33Yeah, a breast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a healthy breast. And what? Something? Some mashed potatoes. How fancy is it? Maybe it's a tiered mashed potato underneath it. Yeah. With, I don't know, some greens? We got two... The size of your finger. Baby finger. Two little... Like, nuggets. Like, I was mortified. Yeah. I thought you were describing the vegetables. No. The tiniest little bit... Two little... Two little suggestions of chicken. On top of a waffle. That looked like it was... I don't know. Just something that you just get in a shop. Like, and a bit of coleslaw. And the two of us were like, is this acceptable?

10:21How much? 17 pounds. 15, 16, something like that. Grand, but you kind of want to feed for that. And neither ever said anything because you don't want to be like that annoying person, like complaining. So we both kind of just tucked in. I was mortified. I was very upset. And then we walked out the door and the two of us were like, that was awful. Poor girl, starving. I know. And I had to send him away. He probably went into Greg's afterwards. Too little Scandalous Awful And were you trying to make the most of it By saying it was amazing I kind of didn't say anything about it Because he Obviously I picked it So he's not going to say anything Yeah And then I was trying to like Who picked up the bill I got it My treat My treat My treat Here you're starving See you later girl But he's very good He has loads of shows in London next year We should go I think it's January Yeah we'll pop along I think it's Leicester Square I've done Leicester Square It's big It is, it's great.

11:16It's a really good gig as well though. And do you know what he does? He's great. He goes around with Joanne McNally. Yeah. He loves her. And she never stops. That must be the best crack ever as well. Do you know what? And they're friends and like, isn't that nice? Yeah. Talk her about. You were saying something there. I meant to jump in. The arses, I think, and I put you off it. No, it wasn't. It wasn't you that put me off the arses. No, it wasn't that. We were talking about lunch. We were talking about expensive stuff. The lunch, picking the place. picking the place giving out oh yeah no I was in I was in M &S yes and I went in for a little treat and you know what I'm trying to get off of no I'm trying to get off of one fizzy drink I'm trying to get on to some sort of kombucha or something right okay some of it honest to god tastes like socks like it tastes like you're drinking the hot press in a bottle went in to M &S and I picked up a bottle of kombucha rang it up five pounds yeah right and I was just like oh I'm not getting that and then the person comes over and goes oh what's wrong and I was like oh I'm not getting this and she's like oh why aren't you getting it and I was like because it's ridiculous five pounds and she was going hmm and I was like well I'm not getting it so just get rid of it so like I actually felt great doing that peasant oh I went out I went to see a show I went to see a wonderful show at the Soho Theatre Dina Martina she I wish I could have brought you actually I don't know how to describe her she's just mad she had a lovely show and it was all gay men in their 40s and 50s so I felt like a little prize Spring chicken Oh I was and a couple of them were kind of I think they knew me kind of I don't know I was swishing around but I had to go in with a big disco ball because I was coming from my photo shoot my Christmas photo shoot so I was all action and I burst in the door with literally sparkly dresses and disco balls and mince pies and everything like I've come I'm very busy Being up on stage and sickened Straight up Absolutely absolutely sickened pushed her off the stage she's very funny what else do you have to tell me?

13:19Can't really remember I've been to a lot of shows I've been socialising again I've realised I can't just perform I need to see things it's great to see things and just be reminded of what's going on and what you can do what it is to enjoy stuff what it is to enjoy life and see what people are doing and kind of I went to a Halloween show spooky I heard there was a Halloween show you attended and we were the talk of the tone which one? did you go to the divine? oh yeah yeah yeah yeah gays bubbling fizzing bubbling up yeah I had a few fans a few chats yeah the show was very funny it was someone called Barbs who everyone knows Barbs she's a wonderful woman and she it was kind of you sounded like a certain president there what?

14:11the wonderful woman She's a beautiful woman. She's very good. And this was like, because a lot of shows in The Divine are like cabaret variety shows. So you have a host and then they announce the different acts and then the acts come out and do a twist. And that's it. Which I'm always doing as well. But this was like a play. It was like a bit of theatre. And they were, the story was that a couple bought a brew dog. You'd like this. This is relevant. Bought a brew dog? They bought a brew dog. Are you saying I drink brew dog? Well, it's just like a straight place to go. Because the Divine used to be a brew dog before.

14:52So it's a very funny change. And for a couple of weeks, when the Divine opened, some people didn't know it had changed. So there was some brew dog. Who goes to brew dog? Would you explain that? Oh, who goes to brew dog? I'm going to slay people. I don't go to brew dog. I've never been to brew dog. it would yeah brew dog would be maybe people who uh invested and lost a lot of money in crypto at some point uh they'd be there people who like gilays i think would be there yes um they'd definitely be in people who um you know uh when you start talking about like sharing uh medical care and stuff um they kind of start scolding a little bit i just pictured there's a huge one down near like Tower Hill and it's full of like businessy There's a big slide in it Men Is there?

15:45I think there's a big slide You see my worry with slides right and like ball pits for adults and you involve drink Yeah There's got to be some scut at some point who's going to probably vomit somewhere Yeah So you summon vomit in the ball pit you jump in there It's a slide Get some of the chile You know you're covered your chinos are ruined Yeah You're going into the meeting the next day and you're not going to land that white whale you're looking for, are you? So a big change to turn into a queer cabaret bar, drag bar. So the story was that Barb's and her husband, who is Dairy King, who is...

16:27It feels so normal, but when you explain it to someone, it's someone who does this character and they're a milkman slash cow. like they have cows others and they leak milk but they're also this really sad milkman character so they were the husband so the two of them bought the brew dog and they turned it into a gay bar but it was haunted by a ghost of straight people it was so funny it was like it was a mess like it's East London so everything was going wrong and the fire alarm went off and it doesn't matter people are so forgiving and like it's just fun it was great crack and I met loads of nice people I had a smelly sink yesterday I hate a smelly sink I'm going to go on about sinks in a minute go on I couldn't figure it out and I was pumping bleach down the sink pouring water and I couldn't get it and then I was like is it the bin?

17:15is the bin so many? so I was scrubbing the bin demented like I'm on my own like my same sex partner is travelling so I'm in the house on my own kind of as we've heard before two o 'clock in the morning getting a fit to like tidy or do something so I was going around last night just insane I'm like it's a mouse it must be a dead mouse under the kitchen or something. So pulling out, do you ever pull out the thing? The skirting board thing under the... Kickboard. Oh my God, the dust and bits of... Were you under there again? I was inside. I think you've got a place for dust or something. I thought there was a mouse or something dead underneath it.

17:50I couldn't figure it out. But wait, did you smell down the sink? Did you put the... I was smelling down the sink and then... And it wasn't coming from the pipes? No, but it was like that. And I was like, is it the washing machine then? Do you know the sticky, gunky... So I had to go scrub that, like the drawer where you pour in all the shite. And I was just mortified. I couldn't figure it out. And you know what it was? What? My gourds. Your gourds. They're all gone off. But like I couldn't, because they look fine. Were they leaking? They were just a bit squishy. I was like, oh, they're smelly.

18:22They're gone. So I had to throw them out. You're devastated. What time was this? Well, I left them there until this morning. I'd know it would have been at three o 'clock in the morning. I often do. once I figured it out. I love a clean sink. That's one thing I really insist on. I love a clean sink. Yeah. But, holy, oh, it's just one thing. Actually, you know what? There's two things. Two things now that we've been together a while that have come into play and I don't, oh, I'm struggling to get over them. One is, Lisa keeps creating sink swamps. So, we put everything into the sink but then, you know, the little stopper that's kind of built into the sink, the one you kind of pull up and down.

19:00It's like, you push it down, right that gets pushed down then like a bit of rice goes into it then a bit of onion goes into it and then the coffee is poured on top of it and it's left there for two days or whatever and then you eventually have to take the thing out like and that's my job usually but the slime and it's just like just don't do it and you have to bang it into the bin yeah yes yes and a bit of onion gets stuck in the like well it's slippery bit it drips on the way to the bin i do that three times a day probably no one else does it no but you're not meant to leave it there and the other thing she does I don't know if you do this as well but she's very bad for like eating the knives and forks what do you mean like when she eats something you can hear her tearing the teeth off the fork I don't know if it was new or something but like I say she's grooves in her teeth like I she's tanting away to me and then I hear her and I was like what the flip flip was that?

19:59She'll lose the teeth. What? She'll pull the teeth out, like. And I mean, I love her, like, but, you know, she could do it with the front teeth. She wouldn't really be. Yeah. But I don't know. She's stressed. Yeah, she probably is a little bit stressed, yeah. But you can't be going around eating the cutlery, Mark, if you're stressed. Get one of those little squishy balls or something from the shop. To chew on.

20:31So, I've been sitting here for about 40 minutes, not a word about my blouse. You know what, I thought about doing it, right? But you've already received over probably a thousand likes on Instagram. Well. And considering that you're swanning off for lunch with Geroad Farley to fancy places, and I'm getting gales, I thought. Yeah. I will say the zip is very low today. Do you think it's too low? I couldn't decide, because you could go like this. but then you get a little breast. If you zip it up, you do get a little breast. In the middle. If you zip it up, you look like you're mean business, you're wearing it.

21:09You're actually probably verging into like maybe J. Paul Meskel territory with it zipped up. Yeah. Zip it down. Yeah. You've come back from whatever you were doing. Oh, I'm very hot. Yeah, very hot. It's a cyclin vest. It is. Cyclin blouse. It is, yeah. And then you can go down a little bit more. So where did this come from? This is from charity shop. But I'm creating a trend of gay men wearing cycling. It's working. I've had about five people send me pictures already. They have no trousers on when they send the pictures. Isn't that awful? And is it all pictures from the waist down as well? You can't even see the cycling stuff.

21:50Love the blouse. Tour de France. Yeah, because you can be too. and then yeah you're trying to yeah but I stopped shaving the chest so I'm going to show it off for a while didn't you say at some point that you weren't hairy that's it it's just there that's all I have there's nothing there's nothing else it's just a bee yeah you take it off the top there's nothing else nothing else yeah it's just just stuck I know so where did you get the inspiration for the cycling I had one years ago I just kind of bought it as a potential Halloween costume and it was actually just sexy yeah so I think I'm going to gather a few more yeah now but do you know what the risk is I don't know what these words are on the vest they could be from anywhere these could be sponsors that I don't know are problematic so I hope someone will tell me yeah well this is a I don't know is it real is it a real cycling vest oh yeah it has the little bit in the back as well for all your there's pockets in the back for your you can make great use of those special things you can put into that for your bottles of water yeah your treats so it's a real cycling vest yeah yeah it's a bit too small to be honest so we'll just keep the cushion here but this is the thing I wasn't going to say it but I thought you said tight isn't good I know but you know the trousers are big so you can it's all right alright so if you go bigger on the trousers you can go tighter on the top yeah I don't know I think I think if I if I came in wearing a cycling top oh my god we'd skyrocket well besides besides everyone losing their minds I think you'd tell me it was too tight I know but should I just make things up yeah that's true I would say there's actually no do you know what fashion made up oh it's all made up oh I think it's very important but it's all made up I think it's a reflection of our culture and where we are but like when they say you should really look at things that are this shape and this shape and this colour and the next year they say the total opposite oh yeah because they need to sell more clothes they want to sell different things yeah they have to sell more stuff green can't be in for five years it can be only in every six months do you know what my favourite thing on earth is Irish television fashion shows back in the day no all from now oh like the the morning shows is it where someone comes out wearing everything they've got from the back oh fuck it's very bad I actually don't know if they're serious have you seen some clips of it I honestly can't tell if they're serious because even the people who are presenting it yeah they look like they're about start laughing yeah the fashion but you know the way it goes look I'm just going to go out on a limb right if anyone out there knows anyone you can clear this up but you know the way this goes right someone goes out in the morning and they buy a load of stuff and zahara or something on their way to work they come in there's probably no stylist there yeah and there's some you know i don't know an intern or whatever and they throw it throw a few scarves and they send them out yeah that's what we're looking at isn't this gorgeous so unusual so yeah it is unusual because it's everyone's coats oh it's very bad yeah I don't know what they're I don't know what they're at very bad Christmas wait I want to say one thing to you which you like you look like a cyclist an Irish cyclist a very I would say a very masculine Irish cyclist oh yeah from the 1980s that's great do you know that's what I want like you could appear in Reeling in the Years you know after winning a stage at the Tour de France yeah do you know I'm a big pint yeah Big pint, yeah.

25:21Oh. Absolutely. That's great. That's what I want. Thanks. That's all I wanted. That's all I wanted. That is what you look like. I waited half an hour for it. All right, Christmas decorations. So, hold on a minute. So, it's November now. What have we got? Six weeks. So, my birthday's next week. Mm-hmm. Tell the fans. And then it's always six weeks from the birthday. Straight in then to Christmas. Right. So, what are we doing this week to prepare? For Christmas? Yeah. Early stuff. I think that a few little decorations here and there now is fine. Christmas scents can now be brought out. Candles. Yeah.

25:55Get a couple of triple wicks out. Right. Right. We're actually gone from pumpkin spice kind of era now. And I think we're going into like a chestnut. Lovely. You know what I mean? Yeah. So we got to get those going. I actually am on the side of tinsel. Okay. Right. I actually like kind of a, I would say a retro Christmas. I do enjoy it. My house when I was growing up was absolutely covered in Christmas decorations. Like bananas. Yeah. To the point where you'd walk in and you'd, you'd, you'd nearly, honestly, it was such a stress to walk through my house as a child because you would never knock over something and get absolutely killed.

26:37Bits hanging off the roof. Everywhere. On the stairs. We had a thing on the stairs. I can't remember the name of it, but it's probably something along the lines of a fal... I don't know. Faldaddy? Falduddy? Faldidy. Faldiddy. It was... It curled around the banister. Yeah. And went up. A garland. A garland! That's what it is. Yeah, a garland. Sorry. Very common word. It's fairly normal. I get it right, but I couldn't remember it. But that thing, you'd go upstairs, you'd inevitably get muscle memory, put your hand on the fucking banister and then no no the whole thing will follow all right and then and then oh she come out then my garland yeah you have no respect for this house was it fake fake yeah branches uh no it was like um uh furry green um yeah like a curly thing like you know snuffleupagus did it have like pretend snow on the end of the...

27:36It had a little bit of... God, I've known these words. What are the little... Like pine cones. They have like mini little pine cones and stuff on it all the way up. But like it's set up in a way that it would definitely 100 %... Lights? Lights absolutely everywhere. Fairy lights everywhere. Christmas tree. And hanging out of the ceiling? Hanging off the ceiling? Tinsely foily bits? No. We draw the line of that. Did you have the accordion things? Yes. lots of the accordion things they're lovely but as time went on I think my mother got a little bit more bougie and so Christmas became more like you know hello magazine after a while and less Beano do you know what I mean yeah which I actually didn't love there was a year I don't know when it happened but we kind of stopped sticking things on the ceiling yeah because it ruins the ceiling sad day and it marks the ceiling inevitably yeah I suppose it does but they were lovely and they'd be dragged across and they'd never really be the right length so they'd be kind of almost the length of the room and then the bits the ones that drop down that's the ones I'm thinking of what are the other ones?

28:40there's ones that drop down so they're like flat and then they open out somehow and then there's other ones that you put across like a garland stuck on the roof and you have the one then that's almost like a chandelier yeah the one that's like the main event and I'd say about once a week one side of it would fall and give you the shits thinking you're being attacked by this big garland. Yeah. So do you still do Christmas decorations at home? We do nice bits now. It's all little bits like Faldiides. It's all a bit fecking like considered now, isn't it? Yeah, I do like the gold. It's very like the 80s you're smoking inside and there's people drinking whiskey and the glittery bits.

29:20But now it's all quite like monotone, right? You go like, you go, we're a gold house or we're a silver house or whatever. Yeah. The price of Christmas decorations, holy mary, mother of God. But we get gifted a lot. So it's always a funny thing. We have a few people who give presents of decorations. On Christmas. Be sure you don't get them until Christmas Day. So you're like, I'll put that Santa Claus now. Doors my head in. Up in the roof, up in the attic until next year. Doors my head in. Yeah, maybe a few candles. I think I'm actually completely out of candles. So I'm going to get a few festive pines and a few kind of, yeah, the fruity kind of, foresty fruity.

29:59just ease it in ease it in do you do do you do like Christmas stockings not really no we used to get things in a bag in a big centi bag yeah we didn't really have the stockings no will you have many presents to get this do you know we do a secret Santa now which is great between the family oh I meant like like your or do I have to buy yeah yeah well I don't know how many gifts would you have to get who would you four four or five four or five five five of them yeah that's tough I don't know are we going down that road who gets the bigger gift well that's what I mean but this is this is this is a thing right like as in you know everyone everyone is everyone's happy until someone gets the shower gel you know what I mean and someone else gets yeah oh I don't think I can handle thinking about it yeah but are you going to do gifts is the gifts expected I don't know you don't know you're just going to hide they're all listening hello I'm not doing gifts we don't do gifts oh with your no opposite sex partner my OSB no wow how many Christmases have you had this is the first one oh okay but we're not we're not we're not too not too gifty like we'll do like and it's not a trap it's honestly not a trap who said that okay right I know people are going to be shouting at the podcast listening to this right but it is actually genuine like as in she has said that she doesn't like gifts I still get her stuff obviously you'll have to still get her stuff no but for Christmas what we're going to do is instead of getting each other's gifts we'll like go on a trip or something or do something together and a small gift obviously you have to get a small expensive gift a small expensive gift and a small expensive necklace and then that's fine you know yeah we've done a bit of that and then you can get caught.

31:59Why? Because someone might still get something and then you're left. But that's their fault, Mark. I know. That is their fault. If you're going to trap someone into that, it's their fault. Treat. And it's like, oh. What's the worst Christmas gift you ever got? Ah, stop. No, because everyone's listening. The world is listening. Come on. I'll tell you the worst Christmas gift I ever got. Yeah. The worst. Come on. No. Come on. No. Because the thing I have, I can't. this is the thing you draw the line at they'll all know I can't say it they'll all know but if they all know they all know no no I'm going home next week oh people are dying I don't know they don't listen your parents don't listen I don't know but but I just established this from your parents anyway no actually no no no sister no there's a few I have a few pools I have I have a friend secret centre club as well and then I have a few there's been a few things like through work and stuff the work secret centre is always funny because someone got me a bottle of wine one year I don't drink it was like put that in the bedside table Bob from accounts who doesn't know anything about me I was like oh thanks thanks Bob what was your worst?

33:08my worst ever was you look at your this is my worst it was really really bad it was a good friend of mine actually best man nowadays at his wedding in April but way back in the day right way back in the day i think it was in like a final year of secondary school slash high school right and the girl i was seeing at the time was very very uh in a kerfuffle as to what to get me right okay and she went to the worst person in the entire world like couldn't have been any any worse to go to this man and because he speaks from um a kind of a level of confidence that has no backing whatsoever in you know anything really and um so she came to me said oh what would he like and he said i know exactly what he'd like i know exactly what he'd like right so he went off with her and got this gift then he came back to me and he said you're gonna absolutely love this like it's gonna be the best gift you ever got he's dead serious too like he fully believes that it is the best gift so at the time as well it's a little young so i was also telling um my siblings who would be out for blood at any opportunity but i was telling them i got the best gift ever there it is under the tree big box like this is amazing whatever christmas day comes along i leave it to last right this is the confidence i have i open it up in front of my brother and everyone else and as i rip the front of it open i see two smiling children in the front and then I rip it another little bit and it is a paint your own wooden train set because one time in the last 10 years that I knew Sean or whatever I said, God, our train sets cool and my brother, like when you say like people are rolling around the floor laughing like he's actually on the ground laughing, tears rolling down his eyes it's not bad enough to be a joke either no and then he was like then all of it is for the whole day is like you know do you want to set that up or we help you paint it so she got this for you thinking on his advice thinking that it was the best gift ever was she there for the opening no thank god but then I had to ring her because it was expensive I love it I didn't say I loved it I said I couldn't what am I meant to do Mark she'd I would love that she'd come over and I'd have to play with it right is it a tie a tie a cup of tea is it a toy yeah wooden wooden tracks like a model no not a cool one not like a cool like even if a baby one but that would cost like a billion quid anyway even if it was like an actual train whatever this was a wooden toy you know like the clunky like we're all British children in World War 2 you know that kind of train set and you paint it and whatever and he got me that and then I had to tell her and I was like that's you know we're just young at the time so I was like that's way too much money like Anne and I hate it you know Back to Hamleys.

36:02Back to, where is it? World of Wonder. Toy Master. World of Wonder. Back into World of Wonder. There was a lot of work in World of Wonder, right? And he used to stand at the front door. So this was, it's called Toy Master before that. Is that the same thing? I don't think it's the same thing, but I think some sort of deal was done at some point where a lot of the Toy Masters were turned into World of Wonder or something. Can you describe World of Wonder for international guests? World of Wonder is, Jesus, it's like Toys R Us slash Smiths but on a real local scale where there is stationery, there is sweets, there's crisps, there's G.I.

36:40Joe, there is everything like inside there. And they're quite, I don't know, the one we have is like a big warehouse kind of, a huge big shelves. It's not really a shop. No, ours was a real local shop. Oh, really? Yours is more of a Toys R Us kind of job. It's a big thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, our one was like real like parochial and upstairs then upstairs was like the Lego kind of section and like you know like Star Wars and stuff at the time it was actually really cool but and some manic mother trying to get it oh yeah something that doesn't screaming like isn't on sale anymore yeah and there was but there was a guy there and his name was Spuddy Murphy oh right now I think and I'm sorry right for anyone who because there is some people who listen from where I'm from I think he was called Spuddy Murphy because he looked like a spud a lot of people do right he was very very spudular round to the face yeah but no like as in he kept the whole shape from head to toe like oh you know like the whole spud right yeah but he was called that and a lot of people are in these towns without him realising or at least not wanting to be called that yeah and he used to stand at the front of the toy master and you come in you say hello to him he wouldn't even say hello to you like and his wife worked there as well as there and uh what's she called uh mrs spuddy i don't think she had a name like i mean she had a name she had a name not Spud relations I don't know what her name was Chips but we used to we'd come in then and like the golden rule was like you just don't say anything Spuddy or whatever with Sean again like he's just ridiculous he came in to Toymaster into work and he goes how are you Spuddy like thinking that that's okay not mocking him or anything like how are you Spuddy Spuddy Murphy he's like get out chase him out chasing up with a spud man I didn't like it there's a fella in my place called spud yeah there's loads of spud that's his first name like I don't know what his name is they just call him spud yeah there's a fella in my town called a bumblebee again because he looked very very bumblebee-esque he did he worked in a mart oh god there's loads more but I shouldn't say them come on give me some more no they're just no but like stupid and you get stuck with it and you can't no can't move on then no go on give me one no I can't it's a great one it's a great one but I can't I'll tell you after okay so we're going into World of Wonder yeah we're going into World of Wonder my trips to World of Wonder are usually I land in the airport in Shannon and I'm usually going home because it's a birthday or something and I didn't get the presents so I have to pull into World of Wonder and get some stupid thing for£75 and hope to God that they like it but then they probably already have it because I bought it in the local shop so there's and they're also like 21 and you still think they're 9 I know I actually when I go in there and I shop for stuff I go back to what I liked at that age yeah you usually end up getting the wrong thing I love the science sections they're always you know the volcanoes I had a good chemistry set before yeah I mean it did nothing to Microsoft and the blue the foam and all the what's the blue stuff you know that you pour things together and it turns into magic powders and stuff absolutely love that that's great did you have any other nice bits I had a pottery wheel for a while I had a pottery wheel I had a painter own clay little people I don't know but the Sylvainian people or something they wouldn't have been Sylvainian they wouldn't have Sylvainian family something like maybe it wasn't that it was like you made little there was a there was a period there where you could make moulds like little ceramic clay moulds of different things and paint them nice and you put them in the oven I don't know if you put them in the oven or did they just dry I think a lot of that stuff as well was we never ever did that final stage.

40:29Do you know, you definitely probably were meant to bake those in the oven, but you never did it. Oh yeah. Wouldn't be allowed. Do you know what else I had? I was building a robot for about two years. Do you remember the magazines? Oh my god. Build the Bismarck or something. And it's like... Two years. Yeah. But like, you know, and I know a lot of people go on about this, but like, you've no idea. Like, five pounds at the time. It was probably five punt. It was £5.99. £5.99 for the first edition. Maybe even the second edition. and then the third one is like£20 and not only that you have to order it in do you remember when that happened?