#44 Reversing in Nightclubs and World Aids Day

3:37Denis:I did, yeah. I don't know if we can say it. Right, that is pushing. The gutters. The gutters, yeah. Does anyone else out there know what the gutters are? It's shocking for me. It is shocking. And also, there's a word in front of that. So, like, if you were to say, like, rain gutters, right? Put in something else for rain. Yeah. The gutters where things drip. Drip down. Yeah. The V. Holy hell.

4:00Mark:What are they actually called in in

4:04Denis:anatomy or whatever?

4:05Mark:The V from your hip down towards your like groin. I don't know. I have no idea. Very arousing. But like that's not an outrageous bit of that's a bit of

4:15Denis:Well, Shemar, some bit has to be outrageous. But it's the Do you know what I mean? Like are you just saying so?

4:20Mark:Like it has to be Willy. Yeah. You know, like, it's that or nothing. But isn't the scandal very exciting?

4:26Denis:Yeah, but there's loads of very sexy, non-sexual bits.

4:29Mark:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

4:30Denis:You know, like earlobes.

4:31Mark:The dimple, I have two dimples in my back, I've learned. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. They love that. Jesus. They love that. Because it's almost more exciting the less you show. I have a dimple on my arse. Just one. Just one in the middle. Yeah. No.

4:49Denis:Oh, dear God, how have we started off like this? we're going to be talking about a christmas tree 4th of december where is this what do you mean where is this where is this oh my god

5:04Mark:happy christmas anyway anyway the blouse is here i'm sweating i'm beating to it but i do like it

5:10Denis:i'm wearing my very um straight christmas dad yeah yeah you see the funny thing is you're looking at me now going like that's that's a bit too much That's a bit too What?

5:23Mark:No that's great No there's a bit of judgment But if you were wearing it

5:26Denis:It'd be ironic

5:28Mark:Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean I had to hooch up the sleeves there What do you mean?

5:33Denis:Where are they going to go?

5:34Mark:Yeah yeah There we go Bring out the paleness No because now there's a bit of a shape to it

5:38Denis:Alright okay Grant Just need to pull it up

5:41Mark:Yeah it looks like you got a nice present From maybe Someone who knows you Like it's not a jumper Thrown at you as a gift It's like a nice

5:50Denis:There's a lot of stuff online now, a lot of hate about these online. Why? Because I think a lot of people who are wearing these are, you know, kind of bit by bit destroying the world. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but I like them.

6:03Mark:Yeah, it could be a politician on a day off.

6:06Denis:Yeah, exactly, yeah. I see it. Michal Martin at a farmer's market. Yes. Saw him at once, picking up presents. So, Mark, on to way more PG things, right, for our lovely PG audience. little bit of a problem living with a roommate she bought a Christmas tree I love Christmas trees a bit better than mine? it's a bit better than your tropical Christmas tree but it's lovely I love Christmas trees except this one she brought it in I'd say it's about two foot tall and about four foot wide that looks awful a bit fat it's a fat Christmas tree it is a fat fat Christmas tree and it just you know you you know is it real sorry it's real yeah it's real and you just she brought it in she's like what she unwrapped it and it fell out and I was just like oh dear god

7:01Mark:is it very fat and then suddenly goes in

7:06Denis:how does it look it's very fat around the midriff

7:09Mark:and then kind of round straight in

7:12Denis:kind of yeah pointy up the top then like a spinner yeah

7:15Mark:not a triangle not a triangle no fat and then in And a tiny bit of a spike at the top Yeah yeah not fantastic It's mortifying isn't it

7:23Denis:Yeah and I just feel like No I don't want to bring people over You know

7:26Mark:Would you put it up on a box or something She put it up

7:28Denis:Oh my god she put it up on a Put it up on a She put it up on a Fucking counter basically Yeah Do you know Awful Awful What's on it

7:38Mark:What kind of bits are on it

7:40Denis:There's nothing on it She's no decorations

7:44Mark:And if it was even a bit smaller It could be kind of funny

7:46Denis:Yeah it could be a little mini one actually there was the Christmas tree wars it's been ongoing now for years with my mother and the neighbour when they started putting Christmas trees on the front like just on the windows in the front of the house and they started like Christmas trees were appearing left right and centre across the road which I really want to say her name she's got a fantastic name neighbours sometimes have the best names but I can't name her but I did a bit of a Christmas tree war but no I just

8:14Mark:oh god

8:17Denis:you know you want the American one right they bring it in we dust off a bit of snow whatever not it was like this is this is the unwanted Christmas tree child where'd she get it oh I don't know

8:30Mark:off some lad some lad in a car park yeah some lad in a car park London we very upset this year now we always had a big tree in the front garden at home and it kind of died like it was real like growing oh that's pretty it's gone now so that's a bit of a landmark lost yeah a lot of upset but now I think the alternative is we have a gazebo we're going to put lights on the gazebo, a Christmas gazebo and that'll have to do but yeah a bit of competition, there's a woman across the road very flashy very flashy

9:04Denis:Do you have a Christmas house in Ennis that people go visit? Oh yeah, we have a house

9:09Mark:there's a house in Ennis but it's a semi detached

9:17Mark:so there's like two houses stuck together one of them all out every inch of every wall is covered in stuff and then there's a perfect straight line down the middle and the next door house nothing and it's it must be so miserable wouldn't you think they would just give them a few bits and make it all one. It's so grim, this one perfect. Give them a few bits, they don't want anything. I know.

9:45Denis:We had a one in Mallow and it was hilarious. You'd go up to it and they'd have a collection box at the front of it. Oh yes. Trying to make a little bit of money off it. Pay for the bills. Charity. Charity bars.

9:55Mark:There's a few, yeah, there's a man, there's a house on the way into Innes from where we live and I'd say about 25 years ago he made reindeers and like just cut them out of a piece of plywood. and put a few lights around it. But, oh my God. They're so mental. And Shannon Airport used to be like Blackpool. They used to have these like illuminations on the drive. None of the planes could land. Yeah, I was like, this is not the most safe place. But all that does, have you been to Shannon? Yeah, I've been to Shannon, yeah. The airport is very like, you have to drive in a big long road along the estuary.

10:32Mark:So the whole way in, they used to have all these very impressive lights. I don't think they do it anymore.

10:37Denis:They must do it for aviation purposes, or not do it anymore. I don't know.

10:40Mark:So we used to go down and look at them every year. They were nice and bunratty, I think. They'd have a few bits.

10:46Denis:Were you saying in the Christmas spirit, someone was calling you British?

10:49Mark:Oh, well, today. So I've been around the world today now. I'm still, although I am very famous, I do have 20 jobs. And one of the jobs is tour guiding. So today I was doing a street art tour of Shoreditch on a Monday morning in the middle of winter. in the drizzly, drizzly wet, not even rain, just this old misty piss. Oh fuck, it's so annoying because you're going with the umbrella like, will I bother? Will I take it down? And if it's raining really bad, you can kind of make a thing and be like, okay we're going to run, this is going to be fun everybody.

11:26Denis:Mark, you strike me as someone who like if someone offered you a job as a milkman you'd become a milkman but not give up any of the other jobs. Oh I love jobs. Just use even more of your time.

11:38Mark:20 jobs. But this man came along. Now, I won't say where he's from. Because I don't want to cause any drama.

11:45Denis:Why? What do you mean?

11:46Mark:Because he's from a place

11:50Mark:and people from this place should just be quiet because it's a controversial place and there's a lot of things happening in the place. Okay, I have a good idea of the place. Do you know what I mean? But sometimes people from this place have a lot to say and like to be Very loud voices. very loud voices and at half past ten on a Monday morning in the rain this man came along and announced himself to the whole group and announced where he was from waiting for a bit of controversy and a bit of backlash no one cared like shut up and then he said nice little bit of racism came out straight away he said oh it's great that you're British because every other tour we've done in London the tour guides have been foreigners

12:34Denis:ah excellent And I said, sir, I am from Ennis.

12:41Mark:There's two things, first of all. It's London. Everyone is from everywhere. The high chances are everyone you meet is from somewhere else. And that's great. And shut up. And then also, I'm not British.

12:54Denis:And also, we're on a street art tour. There's a high probability that every piece of street art is from, quote unquote, a foreigner. You're in Shoreditch. Of course, everyone is from everywhere.

13:04Mark:shut up coming to see the cultural diversity and then complaining oh my god I was in no form for it so I was real smart so he said that and I said oh you're out of luck I'm a foreigner as well and he was like oh no but you're British and I said no no I'm Irish and he said oh but you're British

13:21Denis:oh lovely

13:22Mark:and this which happens all the time and it's the most boring thing to talk about like whatever but there was too little there was too little jabs coming there and then I had to be nice to this man for two hours

13:32Denis:he knows it too though that's the power dynamic right? I suppose yeah that's the power dynamic you should I've always said this right and I know it sounds like a little bit of a comedy bit right but it's not there should be you should just have one day in the year say could you fuck off where you're socially allowed to do whatever you want without any recriminations do you know what I mean? obviously the good stuff right where you can just say to someone can you please fuck off and I'm going to do my tour I don't want you on it I know and I just want you to get knocked on by a car

14:03Mark:but you know what He was all action. And then his wife was, I don't know. On volume. She also wouldn't say anything. And I kept like directing, because you have to do the niceties. I'm like, oh, you know, like, how was your day? You're walking around for two hours. And every time I asked her a question, she would look at him to answer. I was like, hmm. And then the daughter, who I would say does hope, she was about 18. and she seemed like she was she was off the world and she was just giving me a look I hope she gives him hell she was giving me a look the whole time of like I'm so sorry I'm so embarrassed so I was kind of like trying to give her energy of like we're good

14:48Denis:we're together here

14:50Mark:God love you

14:52Denis:awful annoying your tours I think they're adding I think they're adding a little bit of age to you oh yeah

14:57Mark:but it only there's always some rando

15:00Denis:who just comes on it It's just like, I'm here to fuck everything.

15:02Mark:There was 10 or 15 other people. Lovely people. Great.

15:05Denis:And then everyone has to put up with him. But isn't it like as well, when you're back in, you know, you're back in school or whatever. And like, you know, there's just one lad in there. He's just wrecking all day. Yeah. And we're all just going around him.

15:18Mark:We're all going around him. Of course.

15:20Denis:Let's just get a small little stick and hit that man into the back of the leg.

15:27Mark:Out you get now. Out you get. Out you go.

15:29Denis:I encountered a lovely man. Yes. A lovely man. Accidentally got myself into a bit of a gay fiasco. And I don't know. Oh, I never told you this. This is great. So I don't know. Is it technically cruising if you don't actually do anything? Like, is there kind of just a pastime where you're just giving a guy a look and a bit of a flirt and it's kind of like a little compliment passed back and forth? You don't have to go. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's actually really fun.

16:00Mark:Yeah.

16:00Denis:In London especially. But from whatever it is, from doing the podcast, am I more aware of it? I don't know. I think I've said this before, but it's definitely amplified. But walking along with Lisa the other day, I was in, I don't know where it was, Foxall or something. Walking along, this fellow walking with what I assumed was his partner. The smile he gave me. Oh my lord. He might know you. No, he didn't know me. He didn't know me. This was the cheekiest little, oh. and I automatically gave him a smile back yes couldn't believe it I had to admit to Lisa what I did straight away but I'll tell you something it's kind of nice yeah get a little buzz

16:40Mark:and was his same sex partner aware he was yapping away he was yapping away he didn't see he was saying we need to plan are we going to your mother's for Christmas

16:48Denis:yeah and your man was just checking out everyone around him and Vox Hall now is famously and then okay right this people are going to say this is I'm heading into conspiracy territory now But when I said it to Lisa, I said, look, I said, that lad was checking me out. It was hilarious. And I accidentally smiled back at him. Right. I think I flirted with him by accident. And we were laughing. Then this woman in front of me. What? This woman in front of me started kind of swanning around a little bit. Like she was doing the normal walk. I started telling the story. And then the arse started going from left to right.

17:23Denis:Lisa saw it as well.

17:25Mark:A bit of a.

17:26Denis:Kind of like, well, if you think he's great, have a look at this.

17:29Mark:Oh my God.

17:30Denis:Spawning around as well. I don't know, it was electricity.

17:32Mark:This will all go to your head now very soon.

17:34Denis:But I was in a restaurant. I said, oh, just go to the bathroom. There was a lock on the bathroom, but it was like an electronic lock. So you had to scan something up against it and then you'd be let in. I walked out. I asked the guy at the bar. I said, oh, like I need to get into the bathroom. And he goes, oh, we don't have the key. Someone in the bathroom has the key. But it's not like a single cubicle. Like this is a bathroom, like urinals and like four cubicles. so someone in there has the key so he goes you have to wait outside okay like a relay then this other guy came up it transpired he was definitely part of the LGBT crew he says to me how are you getting in I said oh we need a key and he goes who has the key and I said some guy inside has a key oh you're making friends you're making friends so then I say oh look I'm going to go and ask again

18:14Mark:just to make sure

18:15Denis:right all the while Lisa is seeing me come in about three or four times after I have said that a man flirted with me on the street and I was delighted

18:23Mark:you're up and down the stairs to the toilet

18:25Denis:The guy, in the meantime, who's in the bathroom, comes out, gives the key to the other guy. My friend outside the bathroom now comes into the restaurant. To get you. To get me. Come on. So he goes, I have the key. Oh, fuck. I turn over and I'm like, okay, great. He holds like. Holding hands. Yeah, the first door open for me. He's like, oh, you know, how are you? Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, crap. So I'm like, okay, right. I'm going to send a signal here. I'm going to the cubicle, right. You know, and close the door very quickly. And I'm there literally just waiting. Yeah. And then he goes, okay, so, I'm heading out.

18:59Denis:Oh. And I'm in the cubicle talking to a stranger. And I'm like, Who has the key? He has the key. Oh. Okay. And he goes, do you want me to give you the key?

19:07Mark:Under the door.

19:08Denis:And I'm like, no, take it away with you. It's fine. It's in my pocket. He was like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah, yeah, it's fine. You can just give it, you can give it there. It's fine. No problem.

19:16Mark:I was like, what have I done?

19:18Denis:Fendies. So then, um, came out. he's at another table I sit down with Lisa and I'm like grab your bag we have to go we have to get out of here it honestly was better before living in more ignorance before doing this podcast because I would have just not noticed any of that would have not been privy to any of that

19:35Mark:if you had the key if I had the key both of you have the key no one's coming in oh oh yeah they're all nice oh yeah forgot about that that's very clever that's that's that's what was going on no one has the key I had a very unsuccessful browse I went out last night yes I had a friend Dylan hello was here from Dublin you're like Stansted honestly god oh no this is actually just do you know why he's actually my ex-boyfriend from my god 13-14 years ago along forever like ages and ages ago and we're just very good friends now and it's kind of like brothers or something

20:24Denis:there's something Brothers who kiss

20:26Mark:No, no kiss no kiss just friends we're very we're like very close like actually friends so he was around and do you know the way you want to just kind of show off the city and this is my life

20:39Denis:this is how exciting it all is You always make balls of it

20:42Mark:Oh I made absolute balls of it we went to well we got up one of the days and went to try to go to Stratford to the V &A, the storehouse. Oh, yeah, yeah. And, oh, my God, the rain and the wind. And Stratford is such a vast baron. I was like, what the fuck have I done? And we were walking across this huge, massive, big, empty space to try and get over to the Olympic Park. And the wind was going, and it was just horrible. And then there was a queue of, honest to God, about 150 people to get in. Yeah. So we had to abandon that plan. But we went to see a show, and we did a few things. But then we went to an LGBTQIA space in Soho, which I never do.

21:24Mark:I very rarely go out in Soho and it's a whole world of gays that I never get to see.

21:28Denis:Why don't you go out in Soho?

21:30Mark:I just don't tend to be there at night time because, I don't know, my friends are all around East, like Dalston. So I don't really know anyone around there.

21:38Denis:Is Soho, I don't know how to describe any of this, but is it like kind of almost tourist trap gay? A bit, yeah. Yeah, or maybe people,

21:47Mark:nah, not all.

21:48Denis:Or like it's not cool because it's so known as being gay. It wouldn't be the coolest now. Yeah. There wouldn't be a mullet to be seen. Yeah.

21:55Mark:Very rare to see a moustache.

21:57Denis:So what would be there?

21:58Mark:There would be nice gays, shiny gays, clean gays, a mixture. Shirts, gays with money, some older gays, lots of dads. It's a whole mix. But we went to this bar at Rupert Street and sure, I was spotted going in the door. I bumped into someone I knew that was nice and then there was two performers and we were watching the show and it was great and then my friend went to the toilet and he came back there had been a fella kind of backing into me where? like in the bar I saw he was reversing

22:37Mark:and he started reversing when Dylan was gone to the toilet but I'd say he was about to make a little turn maybe he knows who I am hello he was about to say hello and then Dylan came back and he started he left again he gave up he gave up his plan but then I went to the toilet and I had been joking to Dylan that there was carry on in the of course there's always carry on and oh what a scene what a scene there was a lad he I'd say he had a lot of drink taken oh no and he was just it was God almighty He was just kind of standing At the urinals Kind of Just gawking Into everyone Oh no And kind of smiling And like Very Unsuttly Trying to make little advances And I was like Oh Love

23:34Denis:Time to go home to bed

23:36Mark:And I was actually like Are you alright? Into bed now Might be okay

23:40Denis:Big starry eyes at him

23:41Mark:Like you And I was like God when I drank I was probably like that Do you know when you're It was only 8 o 'clock No one else is on that level

23:50Denis:Come on Messy Time to go Because I think there has to be Some sort of a dance right There was no dance This was just

23:58Mark:Straight gawking into your trousers But then I went back up And I found out I had been announced From the stage And I missed it They said we have a very famous Celebrity And you weren't there I wasn't I was below Been fucking googled By this fella but that made my night I was thrilled with the announcement I said we can go now can we talk about

24:20Denis:the reverse

24:20Mark:just for a sec

24:22Denis:the reverse so very is that a move

24:24Mark:very handsome man I'll describe he was a bit of a bear-ish I'd say like bear

24:30Denis:does that mean big

24:31Mark:hairy no not big but like just kind of like a little beard just what does bear mean so bear like bear is a kind of like you'd often be kind of a bit bigger a bit hairier he wasn't but he just wasn't twinkie he wasn't like okay like smooth shave like you know he was he was more salmon than mackerel he had a beard he was very handsome and he had a nice coat and he seemed to be on his own and I noticed he was hovering around the bar and then he just took this little bit of reversing and I think if you if you put yourself in the position that you're kind of standing very close to someone it just might end up having a little chat or a little but is the key here to actually

25:19Denis:reverse arse your way in like arse your way into a conversation like your arse into like legs or another arse and go oh hello end up in the position that you're close

25:29Mark:so then you because you're not going to walk straight over i'd actually like that if you came straight over and said hello so what you so instead of doing that i'm going hey how are you

25:40Denis:reverse all the way in.

25:41Mark:Reverse all the way in and then you might kind of strike up a little chat at some stage. But it's like it's like you've just ended up you happen to be standing close to each other but you can see it's been.

25:53Denis:You see like in the straight world that would work 10 times out of 10 from one direction. Like if a girl did that reverse then 10 times out of 10. Yeah. Guy does that bonkers move.

26:05Mark:But I just was in no form. Weren't in a form. My friend was there and I was like I'm going home.

26:15Denis:Do you know what I was thinking? Yeah. If you wanted to do it. Yes. We should get an AIDS test.

26:20Mark:On, oh, HIV.

26:21Denis:Sorry. Well, yeah, yeah. Okay, we get an HIV test. Well, what's the difference?

26:25Mark:Do you know? No. No. So you would test, you would test for HIV and then if you're HIV positive for a certain amount of time it can develop into AIDS. Oh. But you're originally testing for HIV. how often would you test for HIV?

26:42Denis:every six months do you really? oh no I thought it was a general question no I've never tested ever ever ever ever oh my god yeah yeah I've definitely got STI checks or STI checks but I think an AIDS test is separate right? for me I think they are yeah I think it's an optional thing that you get

27:04Mark:you don't think it comes as part of the pack of testing for everything?

27:09Denis:No, I'm fairly sure that the ones that I got, whether that was an option that I was... It wasn't HIV?

27:13Mark:No, no, it wasn't, no.

27:14Denis:Wow. Yeah, it's just the classics. Wow.

27:18Mark:Do you think that's common for a heterosexual man?

27:21Denis:Well, you see. To never have had a HIV test? Yes.

27:25Mark:Because I think there's... What about your girlfriend?

27:27Denis:Well, I still think for straight men, there's definitely still an association with it being a gay... I want to use the right word. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Issue.

27:40Mark:Wow. Would you think girls, like ladies, that you have romanced? No, I don't.

27:45Denis:I think there's, I think, well, I mean, the ladies I'd be cavorting would be very intelligent women. So I think they would. They'd have a better finger on the pulse. But I don't want to speak for women ever. But I think that people that I would have been friends with and stuff, I don't think that they would have been going in for, you're shocked.

28:00Mark:I'm shocked because I have my statistics. Because this is the whole point. So in the UK, there are like 100 ,000 people living with HIV. And of them, percentage wise, about 35 % are women, which I think is surprising for a lot of people. The most transmission happens in sex between men and women. So sex between men is 46 % of cases. And sex between men and women is 50%.

28:33Denis:There's the majority of people would not think that.

28:35Mark:So the factual majority of people testing positive for HIV now are people who are having what we would say heterosexual relations and not testing and then living with HIV for years. And not even knowing. not knowing and then finding out when it's very difficult to get it under control and like because if you find out after a few months if you test every few months and then you find out then it's still a big thing to have to deal with but you just get your treatment and you're you're sorted

29:08Denis:there's there's a there's a nascar racer in the 80s and his name is tim richmond yeah and he was actually played a pivotal pivotal role in the aids awareness of the 80s and 90s yeah right now if you imagine a NASCAR racer this is the guy right he was going around he was you know the kind of lauded womanizer racing around drinking beers and all this right and he got AIDS right and they diagnosed it as double pneumonia right now you can imagine NASCAR right NASCAR at the time and still predominantly is like a very southern kind of sport and also at the time he was from New York and he was like nearly ostracized and he was a very good driver but he was nearly ostracized just from being from New York So you can imagine what it would be like.

29:52Denis:After a while it came out that he had AIDS, right? But it was a huge moment because everyone knew from how public he was in having sex with all these women that it wasn't related to a gay relationship. And so that was one of those moments where people said, wait, why? I can get it?

30:09Mark:Well, obviously you've just said so many people completely disregard that it's anything to even be concerned of. And even if you're in a relationship, like I do my queer history tours and it's often for like corporate groups. So there's lots of straight people. And you see loads of people saying like, well, I'm married. I don't need to worry about that. I'm married. But like people, there's so many different situations people have.

30:34Denis:yeah but there's a certain there's a certain thing though in um like monogamous straight

30:40Mark:relationships but don't i wouldn't trust anyone yeah but no but this is what i'm saying right

30:44Denis:if you're in a monogamous straight relationship yeah i'm in a very secure loving relationship right yeah and if i said i'm going getting an sti check there would definitely be a question mark as to why i was getting an sti check right but why not you could have you could have something like as in a lot of men have undiagnosed chlamydia that is just basically dormant, but it's there in your body and it doesn't affect you and then you pass it on to a girl or whatever. But it's like, you know, you might just say, oh, I just want to get a clean bill of health or whatever. It's actually, when it comes to straight relationships, I think, they don't go for them.

31:16Mark:You'd rather suffer the risk of maybe having something and passing it around than facing the bit of backlash for having to explain.

31:26Denis:No, I think it's culturally where we stand when it comes to getting yourself tested. Is that like, why would you need to get that if you're not doing anything?

31:35Mark:I still think, even if you're in a relationship, that person could be cheating and they could be gone in the future. And like, it's your life and it's your body and your responsibility. And for the sake of like upsetting someone, I would still like to just be tested. And then if everyone is clear, great, carry on.

31:55Denis:No, but I think that's a good thing. But I think that's the point in having the conversation is that like you need it needs to be OK to go do it. Because also, right, if you see someone, I don't know, you're again like a straight guy or whatever, and you're walking into a sexual health clinic, walk in clinic, you know what I mean?

32:11Mark:Yeah.

32:11Denis:You're probably picking it 60 miles away from where you live and silly things like that. You are making those decisions. That's why I think that the impost testers are so popular, right?

32:21Mark:God, that's floored me now.

32:23Denis:Can I give people some media suggestions? Yes. Two great things that I've watched is It's a Sin. Very good. Which is one of my favourite things I've ever watched. Yeah. Which is the story in the 80s of the epidemic. Yeah. And what people were kind of dealing with and going through at the time. And it's by Russell T Davies and it's based on his own experience and his friends' experiences. And it is interesting to read up on it afterwards and see kind of like where it varies and how similar it is and stuff. It's very interesting. And then the other thing that's fantastic is a 2012 documentary called How to Survive a Plague.

32:56Denis:That's one of the best documentaries I've ever watched.

32:58Mark:I don't think I've seen it.

32:59Denis:You should see it. It's amazing. It's footage from the 80s of the people campaigning. And there's a couple of amazing moments in it where, I remember this one moment in it where it was like, floor me, I never forgot it. The campaigners are kind of bickering a little bit about how they should message it or whatever. And then one guy just, I'm actually getting a little bit shivers thinking about it. One guy just stands up and he's just going, it's a plague. It's a plague. You know, like we're not taking it seriously. Yeah. And we need to basically get out of it. I'm sure it was years.

33:29Mark:It's only the last 10 years that there's actually been any kind of proper science and funding and trying to get it under control. It's a sin. Now, one critique I found for a lot of people who don't know much about HIV, it was very good at telling the story of how it was in the 80s and the 90s. But I think there was an opportunity at the end to maybe flash forward and show some of those people who survived and how it is now. because there's so much there is there are endless movies and things about the horrors and the weight and the misery and everyone dying and everyone is sick and it was awful but then you don't often see anything about here's just someone who happens to be HIV positive and they're very healthy and they're fine and they can't pass it on which is the big thing now like with the treatment you're not passing it on to anybody so I feel like they miss that little that little bit I agree with that yeah just to twist bring everyone back up to like nowadays there's so much help and it's

34:41Denis:you know about the origin of it there is a myth obviously that is purported what are we going to say no there is a myth like around that it was like cross basically people having fun with yeah yeah the same as COVID things at some point

34:55Mark:yeah yeah yeah

34:55Denis:but it's actually quite similar to the COVID stuff is that I think it was they think it might have been around the Congo around there where it was people interacting with animals and cutting them up and blood basically coming off of them and then that mutating. That's where it came from. Gosh, okay. Okay, let's go get tested. Oh yeah, should we take a break?

35:19Mark:Do you know my Christmas photo shoot?

35:21Denis:Mm-hmm.

35:23Mark:The rest of the images are ready.

35:25Denis:There's more. Oh, the ones. Is this the one where you lost the plot?

35:29Mark:No, no, no. This is the nice pictures with the disco ball. like the poster for my shows but there's a few little outtakes and things which I think are very fun

35:38Denis:I'm a bit overwhelmed, I have too many

35:40Mark:I'm promoting, we launched our show we did, thanks everyone who's bought tickets then I have

35:47Denis:my Christmas bits and then there's

35:51Mark:I feel like I'm

35:52Denis:I mean I think you're great but sometimes I am looking at you

35:59Mark:going Mark what are you doing

36:00Denis:Too many. I'm doing 25 shows. It's like, Mark, you're going to explode. Just by the admin alone. Not even the performance of it. The admin is just crazy.

36:08Mark:Sure, getting up and singing a song is the easy bit. It's the fucking tickets. And, oh, I actually booked... Dublin is the worst, Jesus Christ. I booked seven tickets there. And actually, we all have changed our mind. So could we swap that? And could we... Three of us come the following night. And then a lot of... I think the closer you are to people, but the more arson Oh yeah, yeah. The more arson goes on. When it's strangers, they just book and figure it out. Beaulies, one of the shows is sold out.

36:38Denis:Oh, lovely. Very exciting. And the other one is close. Nice.

36:41Mark:That's the problem now. Everyone who wasn't paying attention, could I?

36:45Denis:They've lost out. Come.

36:46Mark:And you don't want to say no.

36:48Denis:Well, if they're short for any shows now, fly over March.

36:51Mark:Oh, I can't wait. I was thinking about it. It's going to be really, really fun. Yeah. Do you know what? We should try and go to see something. They're doing a music, they're doing a wicked panto. if you don't know what we're talking about, we have our live show on the 5th of March in Pleasance which is a very big venue and they do very big things and it's very exciting. But they have a panto, the Wicked Panto, which is for everyone, but they have an adult version. A couple of the nights we should try and go. Yeah.

37:18Denis:I got invited to the press night. Oh, did you? Not around. Was I? No, you weren't.

37:24Mark:Was I invited? No. Oh, Jesus. I wouldn't have gone anyway.

37:28Denis:You wouldn't have gone. I'm too busy.

37:31Mark:Tell me something.

37:32Denis:So we were talking there a little bit before the break, right? About reversing and stuff, right? It was a very interesting method. But if you saw there during the week, well, during the week, maybe. If you saw there, there's a lad called Bill Ackman, right? Billionaire. It's very important that he's a billionaire. And he came out and he said, you know what now, right? I'm going to teach these younger generations a thing or two. You can imagine who this guy is. Whoever you think he is, it's Bill Ackman, right? Billionaire. you've got him spot on right no surprises as to who this guy is yeah but he said that the best thing you can say to someone right his dating advice is go up to a woman and say may i meet you do you think that would work may i may i meet you now i've been around but you've already met her Insanious I have met you No he says He says 10 times out of 10 This has worked for him Billionaire Bill Ackman This line for a billionaire Bill Ackman has worked May I meet you I Think it sounds like An alien Like asking someone else Yeah Would you like to bond?

38:44Denis:Like what the hell Would you like to make friends? Like wow Why would you do that? I remember the scariest one I ever did I'm pretty I think I'm pretty good at taking like signals Yeah So I'm like okay I think that person might be interested or whatever but like to actually do a movie Ask Out and this is what I'm going to ask you in a minute right is I'm not going to ask you out don't worry is like the movie kind of like you know you strike up a friendship with the girl who works in the coffee shop and then you ask her out for coffee

39:10Mark:Yeah

39:10Denis:And people talk about this in London as if it's completely normal right but then I'm like Christ when you're actually in the moment I know you're going to go up and say may I meet you lads it's all over like it's not gonna happen but is he saying

39:23Mark:like you're a stranger may I

39:26Denis:come into your world it's this weird kind of like you know we just need to be gentlemen you know and ask these people but it's like you know it's like people who have lived their lives through movies it's like you know what you need to do for the girl who loves you turn up outside our house with a speaker over your head no don't do that you'll be arrested I wouldn't do that you know because you'll just come across fucking mental

39:48Mark:What's your move now? Single man. Single man? In a lovely bar, lovely girl there swinging her hair around. A glass of Prosecco, she's giggling at you and you go over. I have to go back to, you know, who I was. Yeah. Because I was a devil. She's giggling now and she's swinging. I was an absolute devil. And you'd go in and you'd say, Oh, Oh,

40:09Denis:Oh, Oh, what would I, Jesus. I'm trying to actually think like, Would you go mild? Would you say, you having a great night? No, I'd, I'd go, I'd go all in. I'd play full poker like just go up and Go on give us one I'd just go up and say she's gorgeous Oh I'd say you're you're I got a Christ you're gorgeous Yeah Jesus where'd they get you from Yeah You know something like that And let it do us I mean it wouldn't do it all the time sometimes we've got on horribly

40:39Mark:Would you would you not wait for a little bit of a would you go in gentler first

40:46Denis:Sometimes I would go in I think which is a like this is a great move right if you can steal this move this is hilarious right if you go up and you're in the middle of a bar and you're waiting for drinks and you go the service is atrocious

40:57Mark:say the service is atrocious

40:59Denis:yeah you're in giggles absolutely in

41:02Mark:and then you know yeah if you're standing standing at the bar is very because you have a way out you're only going to be there a minute or two

41:09Denis:and I think another this is kind of a weird area right but like if you're up there and you know you're giving a person their personal space. Very important, right? If they're happy to lend you their personal space while they're talking to you, you're in. But then when the drinks come... Well, when the drinks come, you need to change the drinks. So, like, if she's getting, like, you know, a shandy for Sinead, her friend, and she's burning a hole in the back of your head, well, you know, you need to get shots. You need to bring a collective thing in, right?

41:40Mark:What about Sinead?

41:40Denis:Baby Guinness. Oh, well, you need to get Sinead in as well. You need to get a baby Guinness for Sinead as well. Like, friends with Sinead. to a certain extent

41:47Mark:like that's good don't exclude the friends

41:50Denis:no no no but at some point you do need to you do send Sinead home you need to get you need to get Sinead occupied at some point yeah you know

42:03Mark:I think if someone comes in and they start making an effort with everyone you're with that's very attractive yeah and then you see them you see how they are with other people that's kind of nice instead of trying to because it's very annoying if you're with friends and someone is flirting and they're trying to take you away from your friends because

42:24Denis:yeah but after a certain point

42:25Mark:you have to do that right yeah but you can all just have a little nice little thing together

42:31Denis:and then you see how they are

42:32Mark:if they're nice people

42:34Denis:yeah but the problem is is that you're going up to them and like if you're going to one of them and there's two of them there

42:39Mark:yeah

42:39Denis:the other two are the clock ticking down on those other two they're not going to be putting up at you for much longer like yeah They might think you're a good laugh, but after a while, it's going to sizzle away. You know, so you gotta, it's hard though, isn't it? Like, I think, I think, the thing is, with some of this advice that they give to people as well is like, oh God, I'm gonna get it to real hot water here. Oh yeah. But it's like, some of the advice is like, oh, go up and say this. And it's like, yeah, that'll definitely work for you. If you're gorgeous. Do you know? like being gorgeous does help do you know what I mean like as in you'll see you'll see like some guys or some girls like say oh it's easy to go talk to people and it's like of course it is of course it is you know so I was in a coffee I'll tell you I'll tell you a letterous story I was in a are you squinting's coffee shop what are you laughing at I'm just like yeah are we what are we blessed are we blessed yeah I think I think you know it's good to have nice self esteem I think we're I think we're nice looking lads but we also back it up with a you know a good bit of what did I call it chat

43:53Mark:well I was rejected the other night will I tell you go on no harm yeah humbling I was talking to this one in Soho and I did this thing that I hate people doing but I we had met before and I assumed that they remembered and I went in I was like oh hi and lovely to see you and I was like, we were chatting about like what they were wearing and like, I was like, this is my friend Dylan, blah, blah, blah. And then I mentioned something about, oh no, I said, nice to see you again. And they were like, again? I was like, oh.

44:28Mark:No memory whatsoever.

44:30Denis:Yeah. You can't get back from that. So I was like, well, you can go, you can go die. That's it. Goodbye. Thank you. No. So I was in a, I used to go to this coffee shop all the time, right? During work. And I saw this girl in there. And I was like, thinking to myself, like I was talking about signals earlier on. So I was like, I'm getting the signal like this girl likes me. But at the same time, how do you know the situation? Like they could have a boyfriend, they could be married. I know. You know, whatever. But then of course, you just have to take the plunge, right? But I was, I remember one day I worked myself up into a fucking frenzy, right?

45:05Denis:Trying to like say, what would I say to her? How would I get her number? Blah, blah, blah. And I went up and she was smiling to me and she said like how are you today and I said black Americano please and I completely balked absolutely balked it was the perfect time but saucy enough right this is bad don't tell anyone this don't tell anyone this I was out a couple of weeks later and she was on a date and she came over and said hello to me and kissed me during the date Give me her number Went back to her date There's saucy ones out there lads There's saucy one out there That's very risky Yeah Very risky She didn't give a shit Very saucy She's well entitled She's well entitled Not obliged Not No she was just on a little Tinder date Committed to him

45:55Mark:And if he's not putting in the effort at that time Kiss a stranger Yeah But your man that was reversing Do you know what he could have done now If he's listening If someone just comes over to me and says Hello I'd like to flirt that's a great one be just tell me what you want yeah or just say you're very attractive you're very handsome just say something and then I'm I know your intentions and I'm not going to be I think wondering

46:23Denis:I think I think that works maybe in your sphere but I think like yeah it depends it kind of I don't know if you came over and said I would like to flirt I'd like to have a flirt it just depends Or like, do you want to do a kiss? Do you want to have a kiss? Sometimes.

46:41Mark:When it gets late enough, it's like, do you want to have a kiss?

46:45Denis:Close to 2 o 'clock.

46:47Mark:Just say it. Come on. And then you can say no. And then...

46:50Denis:The best... I think the best ones are where there's no conversation. I know. That is... Just a little look. That's incredible. Like, when that happens... Yeah. And you're just like, wow. It was all communicated through, like, just animalistic, like... Boners.

47:05Mark:Boners. the signs were there. Yeah, just be a bit direct about it because if they're not interested, then they're not interested.

47:17Denis:Yeah, but you need, you can't be so direct because you're still left in the bar, right? And you're going to ruin their night.

47:25Mark:But I mean, if they're not, maybe they're not sure if they're interested in you, but if they're not looking, like last night, I had no intention or desire of doing anything or flirting or talking or I couldn't be bothered. I was with my friend, we were having a lovely time and the girls were singing. They were actually singing Sound of the Underground at the time.

47:47Denis:They were great at it. That song has changed forever. They were great at it.

47:52Mark:So if he just said, hey, you know, I think you're nice, I would say, oh, I think you're nice too. Nothing's going on here. I'm busy. This is my Instagram. talk to me tomorrow done instead of this wondering oh he's not interested he's not picking up on my half a glance of a

48:14Denis:side eye or like do you know when you know you know I think you're hardly ever surprised

48:19Mark:but if I but I think it rules out the people that are not available then you can move on if you just kind of make a bit of a direct

48:28Denis:I think you can be startling I think sometimes it's like it's just too much you know like you need to just kind of you need to you need to have a uh like almost have enough grace to uh not put them in a position where it has to be like a solid rejection yeah you know where you can just kind of both mosey away from the situation drift off that's fine because a lot

48:52Mark:of people were there i noticed a lot of people were there on their own last night in the lgbtq space and it's Sunday evening and it's 9 o 'clock so like the time is ticking along so I'd say you're probably looking to go. Yeah. Like you're looking to and you actually, I was watching a few I could see them start to couple up and out the door Out the door. Do you know, like let's go, I have to go to work tomorrow. That was

49:19Denis:nice to see. Let's get the tube, let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:23Mark:Okay, that's the end of that now. Thanks for listening to your internet boyfriends You can watch this full episode back in HD on YouTube. And we'd love to hear from you. If you want to drop us a message with your news or your saucy stories, you can get us on Instagram or TikTok, or you can email us at yourinternetboyfriends at gmail.com. Off we go now. Very busy. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

49:50Denis:Do I have another show? There's another show coming up on December 12th, which is the same date as your show. but my one is in Brixton it's People's Comedy we sold out the last one we've got an incredible line up again like the line up is startlingly good I'm not hosting this one but I will be there and I will be swanning around so get your tickets get on Design My Night search Brixton Comedy it'll pop up People's Comedy on a Friday night it's going to be class lovely

50:17Mark:I have 45 shows I don't know when this is even coming out are they done? are they finished?

50:23Denis:no this is December 4th I have my world tour oh god it's kicking off

50:26Mark:this weekend so I'm going to Margate oh wait till I tell you the news in Margate there could be romance well I don't know yet until it happens there could be romance there's a lot of lovely gays in Margate who have run away from London and they have coffee shops and design agencies and things up there and then I have roses I have three roses I have two Christmas shows and I have my chat show on Sunday and then I'm going I have the Divine on the 12th the same night as yours but it's a different crowd I'd say we're fine Yeah I don't think we'll split it too much

51:00Denis:I'd say we're okay

51:02Mark:and then Dublin and then I'm going to bed

51:03Denis:And then you're going to bed I can't wait And is there anyone invited to that? To the bed?

51:07Mark:Yeah No