#46 Hot Tub Regrets & The Hottest Vicar in England

0:00Do you know about Darby Roller? Darby Roller? Darby Roller? I can't say it. What's that? Roller Derby. Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mark T. Cox. Hello, Dennis Lynn. This week, we're talking about lazy men, hybrid rock stars, and dishy vickers. And I'll be telling Dennis just how many Twinkies you can fit in a hot tub after these messages. Oh, that's a fat wallet you've got there, Mark. Put it in my earring. What are you putting on the earring? That is a fat wallet. Do you want to have a look? Yeah. That looks like a kind of an old man's wallet. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

0:31I have my glasses on today now. For anyone not watching on YouTube, this is, it is a, I suppose, a tell-all. I have a drinks token for a gin. I have a performance pass for Camden Fringe. Two of those, they didn't get used. I have a dry cleaning receipt that I forgot to collect. I have, what's this? a metro pass just before we go through all 52 cards would you why would you be hanging on to those I'd like to let them build up for no reason at all that's another little train ticket from Brussels airport 11 euro very good

1:19business card what kind of business card from a councillor from Camden council I was trying to schmooze a bit of work, this is my sexual health testing thing. And then my business cards. Have I given you my business card? No, you haven't. Oh my God, look at that. That's me there. Mark T. Cox. Very busy. Very sexy. Yeah. Very nice. Oh my Lord. Here you are. Legs up. How do we describe this? Short to the camera there. Little bit of an Austin Powers moment. Yeah. Huge. Oh, this is your huge Dickie Bowl phase. Yeah, that passed. Yeah. you're only a young lad there I was very young there that was 2019 that was a photo shoot I did for my never to be seen sell out show called She's So Lucky booked for Edinburgh Fringe Assembly big venue, big deal booked for Dublin Fringe Dublin Castle, I was meant to do this show in the bloody gardens of Dublin Castle and then Covid came and the show never happened.

2:25Cancelled? cancelled and the whole thing just isn't relevant anymore because it's about Britney Spears and we've moved on and have these photos been released they've just been trickled out for different things yeah lovely you can have that put it under your pillow are you well are you alive yeah Grant travelled well I don't know 250 miles at the weekend yeah so I'm pretty pretty wrecked to be honest where did you go I went to Tetbury and you know that place ever been known there no no Tetbury kind of Cotswolds that kind of that area north south sorry south west something like that it's an awful big country England it's huge and people people people say like have you ever been to Bloomsdale and I'm like no it's massive you have to live here all your life to be there because Ireland you'd have a fair idea of every town yeah you would 100 % you'd have a fair idea of most towns and then even smaller kind of villages you'd have heard of them but it's too much here there'd be some mad lad from some village or whatever there's loads of irelands in the UK yeah what were we doing?

3:37we went to a christling the other side so the other side not your side no as in like our side no as in protestants yeah protestant okay so it was grand got a little bit itchy when I went into the church but it was fine were they singing? no no hymns they weren't singing they're usually good at singing they love hymns and what they do as well is they always talk about they kind of say it right if you're out there right a lot of a lot of you listen to this podcast he kind of always boasts about how you sing the hymns you know and there's a lot of people as well you know they say not religious building out the hymns they love the hymns yeah not for me I don't like the hymns I don't like they stand up don't they and they sing them off a piece of paper everyone in the church yeah or they sing them after they have a few drinks in a pub as well that's also you get them going um but we don't do that Catholic Church does a choir yeah you wouldn't often have the whole crowd singing no you're a famous organist from Ennis right yeah I'm a trailblazer I saw an organ yesterday that was facing away from the congregation and it had a review mirror on it oh they all do yeah yeah you face the wall oh you have two wing mirrors no way because you have to see the priest coming out and what so you spot him and you start playing because you're often up was it like a pipe organ a pipe organ but it was down the ground yeah yeah because you're often a lot of them are up at the back like way up at the back balcony and then you're looking in a little mirror and you're watching what are they doing and then you're trying to play along so you don't get any call you have to wait and you see the priest come in play his entrance music well coming in ding-a-ling-a-ling so ding-a-ling because the altar servers would ding-a-ling-a-ling yeah and that's your cue for the procession at the start but for the other things you're watching like the bringing over the bread and the wine do I need to do another verse or are they finished it's a big it's a lot of stuff it's all interpretive oh right so you have to like play it by ear is what the priest is up to so if the priest keeps going it's like jazz you just have to throw on another little oh yeah it's all what's the word what's the word improvised improvised yeah yeah and then some of the priests they'd kind of throw you they might kind of just pause and listen and then they'd start washing their cups and there's all the jobs to do but you could get caught if you're on your own playing like an instrumental you can kind of wrap it up but if you're at the choir you have to give the give the nod to the choir director like we're going to go around again we're going to get another verse going to go again and you might have just started the verse and then it's too long because they've finished the job so yeah and the communion like the crowd coming up to receive the communion it could speed up very quick at the end would you ever like if you wanted to get it going quicker on the lines and stuff you could probably up the tempo a little bit in the organ right you could yeah but then the choir pass out it's hilarious yeah you're trying to judge and then sometimes they do this thing and I'm not a fan of it there's another song so after the communion and we've had maybe three songs full church and then we're going to have another song that everyone sits down and has to listen to pointless it's kind of and everyone is pretending to do something after communion as well it's time to go communion's the end of it did they do is it the same no well there's no communion with christening i don't know no they don't do the they don't they don't believe that's a real that it's jesus oh my god i don't actually know but but i'll tell you something different right yeah walked in and the talk of the church was the vicar i've never seen the likes of it i'm just gonna i'm gonna hint to you um the congregation has supposedly never been as full on a Sunday A dish?

7:17for this vicar A woman A dishy woman? A dishy woman Oh Fake eyelashes Oops Blonde hair No Botox Oh The lips done Young woman Young woman Okay And yesterday she was asked how does she keep her looks and she said Botox Great And at the end of it she was very she was very good you know like getting everyone involved and whatever Sure all the old lads would have climbed up a ladder for her whatever she said yeah whatever she said oh they thought she was great yeah and but she was at the end of it she got kids to blow bubbles yeah and she like you know demonstrated it for them stop she couldn't she couldn't purse the lips oh from the the work yeah she couldn't purse the lips and she was saying they were broken I was you can't get the lips together this could easily become a sketch yeah she couldn't And all the old men watching.

8:13Oh. Blow the bubbles. Oh my, blowing the bubbles to the lads. Also, I don't think, I don't think the women in there, the wives and stuff, have ever been dressed up as much as they have been lately. Oh, to my church. Oh my God, it was like a fashion show. Wow. And they were swanning around then horror as well. Is she a single woman? Is she married? She's married. But I'd say, safe to say, I said it to people yesterday, six months big scandal. Okay. Six months. Is this a small place? Small place, yeah. Okay. She's like a lightning rod Inside the place And you know what It's a small place But where would she move from I'd have her Like I'd have her Wouldn't the Catholic Church now Need to get a grip And just Get over themselves Close down No just Catch up Just catch up Isn't it shocking that Almost 90 % of the people in charge Are Old men in their 70s They should have done it at a time when I suppose like for Ireland anyway when, you know, anyone gave a crap.

9:12You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't even care now. Like, obviously, because of all the stuff they're up to. But, like, I don't even care. You know? If they let women in. Yeah. I think it is funny, though, like, that there is a little bit of biasness. And it's actually a form, I think, of sexism that they're like, hey, if we let women in, you know, like, it'll be great. Right? But then you have to think about who are the women who are going to become priests? Like, they're going to be... Imagine they'd have to transform everything. But just let people get married. Let them have a normal life. Yeah.

9:39I've met loads of gay Are they called vicars? I don't know the words Ministers? Vicars Sorry I'm totally ignorant But yeah they'd be there I met a couple They were on the tour My queer tour A few weeks ago And It's a great life Like moved from somewhere Did you say gay vicars? Yeah I don't know Is vicar the right word? Gay priest Not priest Whatever the person is Who are they Belong to? I thought Church Church England Oi you can't be gay can you? I think so oh now I'm doubting myself but I've met a lot people I don't know is Victor the word the person in charge of the church well you know I just thought I just thought that all religions were just backwards and they just didn't no not at all no there's no other gays and then you'd have the husband who looks after the community socials and does the decorating of the town they have great life to get a house and yeah just doesn't have all that weight of horror that we have from from home with the Catholic Church I'm sure you shake it up now I'm sure you had the same in Ennis but there was there was a priest where I was from yeah ran away with a woman oh yeah ran away with a woman ran where just ran off went off it was obviously big big news at the time yeah and he flaked off great because he was meant to be training me as an altar server and he never turned up oh he was gone gone yeah he's dead right he's dead right well I mean unfortunately he destroyed the family so oh sorry she had okay she wrote she wrote 70 kids okay no that's not but if he was allowed that wouldn't have happened yeah it's their own fault what have you been doing I've been travelling yeah I have these big trousers I was waiting for comments about them but you know what they're a bit I don't know how to say this they're a bit they're a bit exaggerated in the bit bonerish in the groin yeah when you sit down they feel like shown off but it's all just air it's just it's just the way like a yeah but I just I'm very conscious that I look like I have a boner I don't it's a perfect I don't but now I'm like colouring myself up they're just very floaty big and they're all pleated and yeah You've been purchasing lots of trousers lately Mark These are lovely These are from Zara I've had great compliments I've been wearing them all the time I was in Margate I started my I'm calling it an international global world tour and I swap those words around every time I say it because I think that's funny My very busy Christmas world tour I glimpsed behind the scenes like I had not finished writing the show The show was on Saturday night I was up Friday night 3 o 'clock in the morning just out of my mind I've had 12 months there is such a pattern emerging here I know I was up dusting at 4 o 'clock in the morning I just can't go to bed but because I promised myself I would like make a new show for this because I've gotten into I've just been doing the Paddy Daddy show for so long and it's literally word for word the same hour for years what bit were you missing that you needed to put in at 3 o 'clock in the morning the whole thing the whole thing but I did it and I'm so thrilled and it's a bit different now it's not actually but yeah it's not all about me and Ireland and Dalston because I've just done a lot of things about my life so it's kind of about a different life it's very fun and I'm kind of acting oh what are you doing?

13:25it's a bit of a twist acting telling stories fiction it's yeah it's a bit nerve wracking but it all went down very well and how were the fans? The fans were great Margate is feral Yeah It's a wild place It's where A lot of people Have left London And they've gone down there And they have a great little gang They're all Swapping and swinging And riding And Everyone Like People just Up and down the road House parties Like And it's all people like My age And a bit older than me And they've just let loose And there's kind of a feeling Like no one's watching Do you know Like small towns Yeah Who are we bothering?

14:05So they lock the doors and they go wild. And did you? I'm in the public eye. Such lies. I'm in the public eye. So I did my show and I was schmoozing around. And then there's always gangs then down from London visiting. And like camp is like the main like cool trendy queer bar. So people just turn up. So there was this gang of, it's not a term I use. often but it's the only term there was about 10 Twinkies came in the door and they were just lovely they were lovely and they were kind of mooching around so it's such a small place you're kind of you're aware of every single person and you kind of start you talk to everyone there's only 50, 60 people there so I had made friends with a nice man called Matt from Australia and we were looking at each other and thinking are we talking are we kissing are we friends or what's going on but I'm in the public eye so I try not I kind of tease everyone but I don't really actually do anything And how did you meet Matt?

15:09Just there Bit of a look Just in the bar Bit of a look And the other gang? They were separate Alright So then we kind of spent the night kind of trying to figure out who are they and what's their story so we found out it was a 30th birthday and there was a few then that we fancied and we kind of we dove in we kind of like went into the went into the circle and we all made friends but I was shy I didn't really make much of a move I kind of I held back I was like you go you know I'm here to do you mean shy or are you pretending to be shy I mean I'm conscious of getting a name for being that that guy that Randy no like you're working wait no this sounds this sounds like a lot of a lot of shame Mark yeah we are we are shameless yeah but still I think I hold off a little bit and then you could like swap details and stuff and meet at a different time but I think if you've been So you're just saying no right now after the show?

16:12Yeah Okay Immediately yeah Immediately Just to be aware because you have a bit of there's an imbalance do you know what I mean? Yeah And I'm sober so I'm always like I'm more alert than everyone else here so so I stayed away but then the Twinkies we were all leaving and it's like they were so nice it's like it's a very quiet town like when everything's closed off so it ended up being me and Matt and his friend there was a few people and then we were all kind of just walking no one had a plan to nowhere do you know when you're like in college you're like let's just walk and there's a club and there was no club and we were all following each other and then it turned out the Twinkies had an Airbnb and they were inviting us all back to the Airbnb the poor Airbnb me.

17:02So I was like, what can I do? But I had a suitcase full of tinsel and Santa hats and I had everything with me and I was staying with my friend and I was like, I don't, I shouldn't be doing this. So we walked all the way to the house and then I just kind of had a word with myself. I'm like, this is stupid. I don't know who these people are. This is going to be a disaster. I'm going home to bed. So I said goodnight to all the drinkies and I went to bed and I went to sleep and then I saw a story from one of them the next day they had a hot tub in the Airbnb and there was about 12 of them inside in the hot tub in the four-man hot tub and I don't have many regrets in my life but that would have been very funny but I think it was the right decision well I'd say they didn't get the deposit back oh I'd say a mess isn't that one of the worst feelings on the world I think you made a great decision.

17:53Because you can tell it would be a disaster. Yeah, but you know when you're at, you go to an afters of house party. I haven't done it in a long time to be honest. But you go there and you're talking to someone in the kitchen and they're off their minds and then you hear birds singing and you're like, I have made the worst decision of my life. And then you're waiting for that one solitary Uber that's still, you know, circling around. Oh, there's no Uber. They have no Uber. Oh, don't market, they don't, yeah. No, you, to walk. You'd have to get the man, pat the man. And everywhere I walked it was up a hill.

18:23Were you walking along with your suitcase? I was walking the suitcase with some I don't know who, someone was asking me every question about my life ever. I'm like I'm so tired. And everywhere we walked seemed to be going up the hills. I don't know what kind of a stupid town. Everything was up, up, up. But anyway, we left them there. So hello to everybody. I'm thrilled. You seem like happy you made the decision and equally devastated. It could go either way. It could be a wild time. I think, is the podcast affecting you? Is that what's happening? Is it your celebrity status? You're feeling a great you're like Batman, you're feeling a great deal of responsibility now?

18:59I think you just play it through in your head and you're like just skip it. Yeah. Just skip it. Are you afraid if you were drunk you don't have that kind of decision making. You just think everything's great and it's usually a bit grim. But it's like people are going to tell tales of Mark T. Cox the celeb. Oh. You know what I mean? In the hot tub. flying around the hot tub I have to say the people have been outdoing themselves in the comments on the socials lately did you see the comment I shouldn't encourage this but which one the comment I think was on TikTok and it was on the dimples video so we had a pretty popular clip that popped up where I revealed I had one dimple and Mark said something terrible and he said it was in the middle and someone said it's like inverted braille

19:54to read it Jesus dogs absolute dogs out there yeah very bad very bad have you seen a lot of people commenting especially the one when we're together side by side and they say something like I'd love a trip to Paris have you seen those comments? let's go to Paris there's so much stuff lying in there do you know what that means? no what does that mean? oh Eiffel yeah yeah oh dear lord or they just put but it can it can get so abstracted it can be like the french flag or a baguette or like it goes down down down down down so funny I still like as long as I've been doing this I still read those comments going that's nice yeah Paris is lovely I've been to Paris it's great yeah they're they're they're feral they're absolutely feral what other news do you have I'm not sure oh can I tell you more about the show so I turned up Camp is, it's a bar but it's a club and they do stuff during the day.

20:57So my show was going to start at 8 o 'clock. So I'm stressed out of my mind because the people are coming at 7 and I would normally want two or three hours to just arse around. There's no need, but I would arse around, I'd plug in the piano, move it around and like do all of that. But they taught me kind of last minute I wasn't allowed in until 6 o 'clock. So that means I've only one hour to set up. because they had an event in the daytime. They had a kiddie disco in the bar. Isn't that hilarious? So I arrived at a quarter to six and it was like a scene. Can you imagine the end, the dregs of a kiddie disco, a Christmas kiddie disco?

21:40There was about three children fucking out of their mind, just fucking spinning, just banging, banging, banging. And I think it was like Taylor Swift or something, like blast and like full club music system and a couple of parents in the corner just like holding their coats. But the kids were like, we're here till six o 'clock. We're dancing till six o 'clock. It's like those kids at weddings and stuff, you know, where they turn the colour like fucking blue. Yeah. You know, like they've been running around for so long and then you see them flattened on a chair, like across two chairs asleep with their shirt on top.

22:14They were wet, like they came out and then like it was freezing cold and I got that cold and it was very, very funny. but I don't think I've ever seen that before like a queer bar or gay bar been used for something else during the day. It makes sense. It's colourful and it's fun and they have lights and music. And probably friendly. Do you know what I mean? And the parents are like a lot of them are queer and they're like let's just hang out with our friends and then the kids can run around and bash into each other but it was chaotic scenes. How would you run them as well? Chaotic scenes. Was there a DJ?

22:51Yeah. Was that a child? But I came at the end, they said it was like out of control. How were you? Is it like a strobe-like disco, or is it like lights on or whatever? Oh my God, I couldn't be doing it. I couldn't deal with it. And then we started the show, it was all great. I found a little trick where instead of decorating, I make the people decorate during the show. That's so good. Very clever. I've been seeing a lot of really good shows where, especially in Edinburgh Fringe, they've no time. So you just almost come into an empty room and then you build the stage during the show. So clever.

23:29And then loads of shows kind of do a dramatic like packing up in the final scene. As they're going. And then it all goes into a box and then off they go. And they've actually cleared the stage as well as doing a little performance. What did you get them to do? I got loads of really expensive these ones. you know the the stretchy out yeah yeah kind of the retro lads what are they called like kind of metal things and we put them up around and then I had lots of little bits of tinsel and I got Blu-Tac and I intentionally kind of made it a bit wet so it wouldn't stick it was very funny so people just faffing around you can get someone you can get someone to do anything wait like you could tell them to do anything on stage and they'd do it if you had a microphone yeah and if you put them in pairs it's good fun yeah yeah because then they have a little mission.

24:16And then I sang a song. It was great. But then just before we went on stage, emergency, my friend who I was staying with, I feel like I have just been on a mission to just destroy her life. The last time I did the show was at Easter. And I had, I always bring like bits to give around to the crowd. And I brought chocolate. And her fucking dog ate a bit of the chocolate. I had to go to the vet and it was fine. No, I didn't kill the dog. But like, damaged the dog. Where'd you leave the chocolate? I was giving it to the people. and then there was a child and do you remember this? I think I told you this ages ago.

24:48There was a child in the bar and the child was fucking squashing the chocolate into the floor and then the dog ate the chocolate and it cost 500 euros to fix the dog. So she was there and she brought the dog and she was, because I had sweets everywhere so she was like holding on to the dog like, you know, making sure no one feeds it. And then I'd say 30 seconds before I was about to come on stage she came into the dressing room and she was like, Mark, sorry not to disturb you. My tooth's out of falling out of my head. She ate a chewy sweet. She had a chewy toffee and it took her tooth. She had a full like fake, like a molar cap or something.

25:23Came out into the sweet. So then I was there washing her tooth out of a chewy sweet. And I was late. Oh my God. Was she had to pop back in? There was a dentist. There was a homosexual dentist in the venue and he was looking into her mouth then with a torch. It was just... She's got the two shows that's cost her£1 ,000 every single time.

25:48Hello, welcome back. Okay, we're back. I had a little bit of juice there now, so I'm feeling great. You're tired. I'm a little tired, yeah. You're tired. Do you want to treat? What's this? Oh. Oh, lovely. I've been up all night. Have you? Making these, because I feel the Christmas is coming, flying around. We've only a few more weeks, and we haven't really been. For our audio listeners, Mark has presented a... Oh! Lovely cakes! For apple cakes? No. Minced pies? Yes. Oh my lord. These are big boys. Puff pastry. Puff pastry. Minced pies. In school we used to call them mince pies. Mince pies. Give me a mince pie.

26:30Isn't that nice? You'd have no interest in those now. These are lovely now. There you go. Do you like these ones? I've never had these types of ones before. They're very, they're sane. They're lovely. These are expensive. Are they? Have a look. oh yes how would you describe it oh nice little tang in the middle okay pastry's lovely it's like if you've ever eaten an eraser in school yeah you ever eaten a rubber oh yeah yeah chewy yeah yeah these are great I think I need I think I need the sugar I don't know if I believe you are they dry no as in this is me being sincere oh they are okay they look a bit a bit too much pastry are they I mean there's a bite in them yeah like as in you like your friend in the molar wouldn't be able to handle these at all do you know what I also learned I had after eights at the show everyone hates after eights why since when oh wait is this not bad right they are chewy they're a bit too chewy We should have had these at the start.

27:41They almost look like a vol-a-vent. They do. They do look like a vol-a-vent. And I will say the only thing I'll downgrade a little bit is the mince bit. It just seems to be over to one corner. So I am hitting about 16 layers of pastry. It's like a meal foie. Do you ever have those? It's just, okay. I'd say three stars. I'd say four stars. Yeah, out of ten. Okay, tell me something. so today unbeknownst to Mark I brought a little friend with me and it wasn't the plan but he's outside now working away and he just did an event class night in London called High Rocks a High Rocks event and you've no idea what that is I don't know what that is which is a bit mad because I'd say do you know what CrossFit is?

28:36I do yeah so I'd say there must be tons of gay men involved in high rocks. High rocks. Yeah. So it's kind of like CrossFit and you're performing different kind of exercise tasks over a course. So you might like lift some kettlebells, lift them around, or you might like do a sprint or do some like sled pushes or something like that. Right? And you do them within your own kind of weight divisions. Like a circus? A circus? A circus. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah, yeah, like a circuit or whatever. But he did that last night, right? And it's great. It's the new, it's like the big new, I'm going to put that down there.

29:22I know. It's like the big new fad. Well, not fad. It's just, it's just, it's just huge. Everyone does it. It's in. It's very in, right? But it's after hitting a bit of a stumbling block because people have found out what high rocks actually means. How do you spell it? H-Y-R-O-X Okay And this Like I don't normally get The ick I think the ick actually gives me the ick But I have to use it in this terms It means Hybrid Rockstar Oh That's a bit much Why? Isn't that a bit much Like Exercising You know Like look It's great They're fit They're going out there It's brilliant I thought it was high rocks Like climbing High No No nothing to do with rocks Like R-O-X the queers love bouldering do they?

30:08why do they love bouldering? the lesbians the trans mask people the trans they're all climbing up things wearing little harnesses and braces and yeah it's a big community binding thing do you know about Darby Roller I can't say it Roller Darby do you know what that is? apparently this is a huge thing with the LGBTs running around on roller skates I've seen a couple of roller skate people Like fighting or something It's like contact Yeah they're definitely fighting It's a contact sport played on an oval track By two teams of five skaters Wild No ball There's 1200 amateur leagues worldwide I went to an event last week I went to a calendar You like this?

30:55A calendar launch A saucy calendar launch Yeah For queers on wheels Okay Which is an LGBT cycling club club in East London and you know I have my little passion for little cycling tops I'm fairly confident in myself I feel I'm a bit of a dish and I'm happy to accept that I walked into this room, the Queen Adelaide which is a little queer bar I was floored they were just all so beautiful but you're wearing all cycling tops little little vests you know the little singlets so the nipples are out the nipples are out and like everything's there are they getting up on bikes or are they just hanging around the bar there's no bikes no there's no bikes it's a social socialising but they're dressed up some of them are dressed up and little vests and everyone everyone's just so fit and like obviously everyone's going to be insecure and self-conscious the same as everyone but just on the surface everyone was just beautiful Adonis I was floored and I walked in and I was wearing my glasses and it's a tiny room so the glasses steamed up and I went on my own because I'm trying to be a bit I find if you go to something and you bring a friend it just becomes a bigger thing because you feel you have to stay so I was like I'm just going to pop in and I'm just going to get my calendar and say hello and I'm going to head off but I actually didn't know anyone when I walked in immediately and I was like oh fuck I'm not the centre of the show here i'm i'm just a pleb in the corner and i was frazzled and then i had the glasses and they were fogged up and then i took off the glasses and i always do this i put the glasses into my the top of my shirt yeah and sure then they got knotted up in my chain and i was blind and oh so flustered i was very surprised at myself i guess do you so were you counting on knowing someone there because I was going to ask a kind of crazy question.

33:02But is it, I suppose you won't know the difference, maybe, but like, is it easier to talk to people at like a gay event if you're gay? You know what I mean? Well, yeah. And you'd kind of, the problem is you kind of half know everyone, but you might know them enough to go and say hello. So you're kind of like nodding and, and then, yeah, but I did, I spotted a few people and I, I just, just did it, just did the small talk. and then I found my friends after. The calendar is very saucy. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Are you hoping to feature on it? Was that the... I think I was approached. I think there was a discussion.

33:37No. But I'm not involved so it wouldn't make any sense. It's all the people who are like in the club. All types of people. Very, very sexy. Yeah. Have to have a look down. I should have brought it, yeah. I couldn't show it here now. Could have happened in a while. Dirt, no. Oh, it's like... Oh, yes. How much? Oh, everything, yeah. Like doing stuff? No, no, no. No. Poses. Models. Yeah Every month Yeah What's wrong with it? I don't know how we started talking about that I have no idea either Sport Oh yeah that was my sporting activity Oh yeah Okay so I What was I looking up? Oh yeah On to other types of men right Have you been on the apps before?

34:15Now I don't mean Grindr I mean like Hinge or And do gay men go on those types of apps right? It's not just Yeah Okay another actual question another silly question that I can't believe I've never asked this before yeah do gay men go on Grindr for relationships I'd say I wouldn't advise it I'd say you're going to be disappointed it would happen accidentally if it happens right it can happen it can happen and we would like to get have I been covered in shite this whole time it can happen and we would like to get this podcast sponsored by Grindr in the future I think that would be great so absolutely yes but I would say more so it's a bit it's a bit more immediate short term romance So is the main app for gay men finding a relationship Hinge?

35:08Hinge and Field and there's a few like that I thought Field was a hookup app as well no? I think it's a bit more chatty not just like show me your haul Yeah yeah Hinge would be the So there was has been a you know they say a report but like who knows what that actually means someone said this right yeah but it came out and it said that millennial men are the reason that apps are like basically the doldrums like are such a disaster right which I'm sure people could guess but the reason for it is actually quite interesting is that men when they come on the apps they update it once oh and they never like straight men they never update it again but women will come on the apps and they will constantly update their profile and tweak it and like you know make it better and whatever and what it boils down to is that men will not change their profile when they're not getting matches what they'll do is is they'll like change the location or increase the miles or do all of these things because in men's minds from this study anyway they think that it's the environment that's the problem whereas Whereas, you know, people who are identifying as women, they think that they're the problem and that they have to fix their profiles, which I thought was very interesting.

36:33The men are just, I'm perfect. Yeah, they're not putting any work into the profiles, which I can kind of understand. But I think that's so funny. Like, you see it online, like you see these, I don't know, like someone will take a screenshot of a man's profile on Hinge or something. And it's like, oh, it's so creative and clever and whatever. And it's like the bare minimum. Yeah. You know, it's like the absolute bare minimum because the standard is so bog standard low on Hinge. Because like when I was on, I will say, good God, when I was on Hinge. Is that how you met? No. No, no, no, no. Met in the wild.

37:07Oh. Yeah, I met in the wild. Saw Lisa across the dance floor. Did I ever say this, no? I think so, actually, yeah. Yeah, I saw her across the dance floor and. You reversed in. I said, time to put on the reverse lights. I'm going in. Beep, beep. And then I, no plan or anything. just one of those instinct things where I just saw her and had to go over and say hello to her. And then... Delete the app. Yeah, delete that app. I wasn't on the app. What was your picture on Hinge? Picture on Hinge. So that was actually a good story. Is when I went on Hinge first, it was just after lockdown. And I was like eternally, as everyone else was, inside.

37:43But even more so because I'd moved to London. So I didn't have pictures. Right? Or like recent pictures or whatever. You wouldn't be taking pictures. And like, I don't know if anyone's gone through this, but like to take selfies or posing for photographs for your dating app is maybe one of the most depressing things in the world. And so on my on my pictures, you know, you're looking like, look, I know you all do this. You look up, oh, what should I put on my dating profile? And they're like, oh, one of you, you know, like a selfie, one of you doing an activity, one of you doing, you know, outdoorsy.