#48 Auld Lang Syne and Flirting with Couples

0:00Like the sandwiches would come out and then the bar person would throw the Labrador sandwich and the labrador go. Oh great lad. Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello Mark Deacocks. Hello Dennis Lynn. This is a very lovely, very special New Year's Day episode. Oh back to bed and have a cosy day with us. The amount of people who've messaged me saying oh you know I hope you don't take a break for Christmas we wouldn't dream of it. No we're here, we're in the office. We're in the office working for the fans. People don't know right, this podcast, seven days a week we're at it.

0:32Non-stop. Seven days a week. We've 340 episodes recorded in events. Yeah, in the bag. Yeah. Happy New Year. I'm wearing a hat. You are wearing a hat. I have to say, Mark, when I walked in today and I walked into a little lobby. Yes. I wasn't sure if it was you. Yeah. You said, that's a very masculine man. I said, that's a man who looks like he's been catching mackerel. Yeah. Or maybe chopping wood. Yeah. You, you know what? I think I've got you, I was going to say fingered, but it's a bit too early in the year for that. I think I've pinned it you like to kind of in a non insulting way you like to cosplay oh yeah kind of jobs right so yeah we've had cyclist yes we've had mechanic yes we now have mackerel hunter yeah well I think we had a fisherman I had a fisherman's vest did you?

1:24I can't remember that I had the one with all the pockets which one's that? the utility vest oh yes yes yes the Batman I'd say this is more chop and wood Chopping wood Yeah I can give you Chopping wood I think I live in Upstate New York Hold on a minute Oh Can we? My My neckletage Just after noticing Declatage Planked on top of the old Hairy chest Is a neckalas Yes I got a gift I got this ages ago From my boyfriend Wow Hilariously The day after the episode Came out saying The word boyfriend is Cringy and cheesy We've reclaimed the word boyfriend So I have a little necklace now Would you have preferred if you got your necklace that said partner?

2:06Same sex partner That'd be nice Yeah it's good yeah And it's sitting there On display Sometimes if I go low on the chest Low on the blouse It gets displayed But this is my first time wearing a hat Of this woolly hat How are you feeling? How's the confidence level? So do you know what I did? A tip for the fans I put on the hat and then I blow dried the hair you blowed around the fringe up and around and it's kind of gone a bit mad now but it's a good trick otherwise you just get this flat fringe stuck on your head it's giving me indie vibes as well yeah yeah you know like you might be listening to Razorlight or something I think I've had a wonderful career in the arts and I've moved to a cabin in upstate New York and I have lots of very close friends who come to visit me for a long weekend that's the that's after you blow dry your hair yes so is that something that you uh i feel sometimes i'm not do you pick this stuff up yourself or is it just kind of a lightning bolt moment where you go because you seem to you you do battle the hair like as in oh it's constant yeah because it always looks like it's stuck on you can buy hats with fringes you know what i was i was going through some i was doing some podcast stuff today and i went through i I came across one of the descriptions on one of the episodes and it was Mark confronts the rumor that he was wearing a wig.

3:33Was that like the AI generated? No, this was a description on one of our podcasts, but I think it was in our shortest episode. You typed it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it was something we discussed. But yeah, I went to a wonderful show a few weeks ago, Salty Brian in Soho Theatre, and he was changing characters and he put on a hat and there was a wig stitched into the hat. Very good Very interesting So it's all in one So who knows You can take that off Yeah So this is where we are Happy New Year Obviously we're not Actually here We recorded this We're dead A little while ago We could be dead I often think about it Imagine that This could be playing At our joint funeral Yeah Who has access to the files Nobody Not enough people Happy New Year Tell us I'd like to know Well do you remember when you first became aware of New Year like being a thing like as a kid was it a thing do you want my earliest New Year yeah earliest New Year I remember was in a pub in Mallow called The Maggots right The Maggots sitting down with a bottle of Nash lemonade to keep me quiet red or white red always never white a couple of bags of crisps must have been one of the only kids there filled with smoke and them then singing, which I can't even remember.

4:56What was the New Year's song? Auld Lang Syne. Auld Lang Syne, right? Them singing that and me getting a nostalgia as a six-year-old that had absolutely no, like made absolutely no sense considering it was only alive for six years of like the good old days. And ever since then, anytime I hear that song, I want to vomit. Oh, you don't like it? I hate it. I hate it. I don't like it at all. it just kind of brings up this thing of like the new year is here and everything's over Now could you name that song again? Probably not, no Say it Aul Anzine What is I think I could spell it What are those words?

5:36I've no idea And why do we sing it? I don't know But what even are the words? How many things are Aul Anzine A-U-L-D So old Anzine Lang? I thought it was L-A-N-G, no? I don't know S-Y-N-E Everyone mumbles Oh Lang Syne Everyone I'm sure everyone mumbles the national anthem Yeah Na na na na na na na But I That's my earliest memory Of that And everyone kind of Oh you know You know like There's people Arm in arm And Yeah I'm not an arm in arm person I know I sound like a real donor here But I'm not You know You know when everyone's having fun At the end of a wedding You know everyone's going Hey I know I just everyone has the hands around the waist and you know Brandon Flowers is coming out through the speakers you know Mr.

6:26Brightside Would you like a circle? I'd get in the middle of a circle Okay I'd get in the middle of a circle yeah 100 % you can all have your arms around I'll be in the middle Yeah I'll bust out a running man or a very good at footloose and all the dance to that I'm a dark horse when it comes to dancing can't ruin a wedding in a flash And what time would you stay in the pub? When you're six years old When I was six years old I suppose no laws at that time so I probably would have stayed until I was seven. It's a funny night because it kind of starts. It starts Correct. It starts at midnight. Yeah, it does.

6:58And they bring out sandwiches then at half past twelve. Sandwiches on. Do you remember you know it's funny we just lose all this stuff. Do you remember the brown trays? Yeah. The wooden brown trays? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Never washed. Never, ever, ever washed. And an old an old Labrador bringing them out on his back. You know like like the sandwiches would come out and then the bar person would throw the Labrador sandwich and the Labrador go yeah yeah oh great lad and there's he's just buttering them in the back with the same hands he was using to well I used to work in the pub so I wasn't there singing it I was behind the bar in Fanny O'Dease Ireland's oldest family run pub very have you seen it do you know it it's very famous what's it called yellow Fanny O'Dease the word Fanny is there that's a funny word

7:46now for American listeners Fanny means arse, right? No. Oh yeah, in America it's arse. But over here it's vagina. So that was a hoot every time having to say that word. Yeah, I worked there since I was about 12. Were you as big a nightmare as you were working in a Carl's gift shop in Dublin? I was moved around a few... Departments. Departments. I did every job in that... Parallel promotion. Yeah, it was a big pub and it was like boom times, money was flying. So it was a restaurant, it was a gastropub. You know, I knew people who were collecting glasses, earning probably the wage of an architect.

8:28The tips were flying and at Christmas I was adorable. So the women would be slipping me a bit of money. So I was behind the bar. I used to work in the kitchen and then I was behind the bar for a while and then I was put back in the kitchen. I think I wasn't very good behind the bar. Too much, I don't know. What were you doing in the kitchen? Wash pots. Oh God. The toughest job. A kitchen porter. Scrubbing big massive pots full of like burnt mash. Tough. Like really tough. What a fucking night. Oh Jesus. It was tough sweating. But the bar then was like the glamour. They were the stars. So if you got a shift behind the bar you felt like a celeb.

9:10Yeah. And like you just I don't know it's like you're kind of a bit of a something in the village if you work back in the bar you're kind of a bit of a star but also you're the person keeping it together you know yeah you know you are I suppose you are deemed a little bit better than everyone else it's getting wrecked right but I don't know if I was very good because people are ordering like people were just throwing money around so they would order 20 drinks and you'd have to try and remember them and top them up and I was always making mistakes it was really hard but on New Year's Eve they'd be very loose and they'd be get one for yourself get one for yourself so you'd be kind of taking notes and you know trying to figure out the tips and stuff but there was a woman here's the reason back to the kitchen she actually went into liquidation but there was a woman I won't say her name but she was there's been a few moments in my life when I've considered my path my choice she was very glamorous and she liked the lads and she'd be leaning in over the bar flirting with all of us and talking she had a husband he was there as well but she'd be up on a high stool and she was she was very busty she was very busty and I was very excited and as it got closer to Christmas the blouse would get a little bit more looser a little bit more revealing a little bit more something and she was all perfume and she was all lipstick and she was just I was like what do I what do I like about this now I was so enchanted by and she'd perfume she'd loads of money they'd loads they were loaded There's something very enthralling About a kind of a confident Irish woman flirt Yeah And she's older Like she was 40 or 50 So like she was I was like oh my god I want to be I want to be I don't know what I want to be And anyway She would be Flirting in And throwing tips at us And then on New Year's Eve Give me a kiss Give me a kiss Kiss kiss Big kiss over the bar Big lips coming at me I was thrown for months Waiting all year Oh my god Kissy lips in over the bar Did you get a hug?

11:17Oh she was all hugs There was a lot of women like that You'd be kind of charmed I could see how it happens If I wasn't a homosexual There's a bit with the husbands as well though That I just I think there's an understanding there There's a few couples like that What is the understanding? I think they have loads of money I think they have loads of friends coming and going yeah swinging yeah I think so I don't know is it swinging though I think it's just like swinging in the terms of flirting swinging you know what I mean do you think like as in ah there'd be stories I better be careful now ah there'd be yeah busy house confirmation's like but anyway yeah big kiss no no no no no no big kiss no So like Is there a big scene in Ennis?

12:14There's people yeah There's loads of couples Known to be Yeah Busy Busy Yeah And there's something When they have money as well There's something They get a bit Promiscuous when they get money Don't they? Yeah it's a bit of glamour We have a champagne We'll all go back to the house I think it's because As you know When you're working Like a tough job And you don't have money And you're living like Check to check And whatever just couldn't be bothered, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but like when you have a bit more money and you have a bit more time in your hands. Yeah. You're going on holidays.

12:45Oh, we always go away with the Clancy's. We always go away with the Darcy's. That's a made-up name. But like, you see these maybe couples going on holidays together. Jesus, I never brought... Did I bring the thing up about the guy in Dubai on the podcast before? No. We were in an airport. No, we weren't in an airport, sorry. We were on holidays and as myself and Lisa love to do, we love to go on dates with other people while we're on a date with each other. So we'll be listening in on different ones and whatever and then reporting back afterwards and saying, did you hear that or whatever? And like the two of us look like we're on a date.

13:20We're not. We're on your date listening to everything. Guy next to us and he's telling, I also think that they're a little bit more free with how they talk to like their children and stuff. You know, these children were like teenagers or something and the guy is recalling a story and it's like, what are you saying the story about that for a bit he says there were the two families they always go on holidays together just like you said the Clancy's and the Sweeney's let's say the Clancy's and the Sweeney's made up names yeah heading off to I hope to turn the families heading off to Dubai yeah and one of the husbands or the other husband said oh I must head off there and do some shopping and then so this guy was talking said oh well I'll take the two families out to dinner so he rocks into a restaurant and there's the other husband at dinner with another woman.

14:06And they sit down and the wife goes, that's fine. They sit down, all the kids, the dad's over there on a date with someone else. Right. And they have their dinner. And that's something that he does. He goes out there, he gets a woman for himself. Wow. And I just thought, go to a different restaurant. Wow. Wouldn't you? Wow. Like just go somewhere else. This is the new year. Is this what you're envisaging? I wouldn't be able first. No. I wouldn't be able first. Closed, lock and key. Yeah. There's enough enemy at the gates. We'll do our New Year predictions in a minute. Tell me any other nice New Year's memories.

14:39What about like as a... I think New Year's is a mess. Isn't it though? I know. Have you any nice ones? Pick one nice one. There must be... One nice one. There must be one nice moment. Poof. Maybe as a teenager. Teenager. Will I tell you my first New Year's that I proper remember was the millennium. So 1999 going into 2000. So I was 10. I was always the year, I was always the age of the year coming, which was very easy to remember. And there was a big party. There was a family in the village who also had loads of money. This was boom times and they had built a huge new house and it was like a mansion and they had invited the whole place to the mansion.

15:24This was like going to, you know, the Osbournes. Going in Norsing. It was very, very impressive. It's all gone. but

15:38but we went and it was like going into like a New York kind of massive mansion or something there was music everywhere there was trees everywhere and these weren't these were normal people who just had done well and had figured it all out and then it was coming to midnight and we were like worried because we had been told something was going to go wrong What? What do you mean? Oh Y2K Y2K the planes are going to crash onto the house so we thought this could be the it myself and my friend there was a few of us kind of like almost teenagers I was 10 but some of them were a bit older than me we were like what if the world ends we better like we better live so I had my first glass of wine

16:29well like a sip like a you can trace it all back to Y2K yeah yeah oh I can see it I can remember it a sip like the tiniest little sip and I loved it and you taught yourself I hope to god the world doesn't end who knew the millennium bug but I loved it and I think I loved it more than the others very interesting like it gave me an instant little oh eat a taste for the sauce yes delicious yeah I didn't I didn't drink until until like much later on Yeah that I didn't make up for it Do you remember the first sip? I remember the first sip I had was when a neighbour gave me a vodka and neighbour gave me a vodka and white at a wedding and told me it was just lemonade Oh And I drank it and then of course I acted like I was absolutely destroyed Yeah As you do afterwards You'd often pretend that you're drunk as well when you're small But were your parents any way French?

17:24Like would they let you drink wine or anything when you're younger? No, no There was no No it wasn't encouraged at all I mean till we were late like I think once you got to like 16, 17 hence why half the place was in forest drinking cider but people knew but it wasn't they stuck to the rules like I think most people did but yeah that was a great night and then the world didn't end no it didn't thank God we kept going I had a I just remembered a nice New Year's yeah there was a nice New Year's where I was with someone an ex and I had to work New Year's Eve in a pub in a pub and I couldn't I couldn't work or I couldn't go out do anything and the next night she pretended it was New Year's Eve oh yeah and we watched all the stuff that you're meant to watch oh recorded it yeah that's nice and we had a little champagne and stuff isn't that nice yeah sure you could just I mean we didn't have champagne we probably had you know Club Orange yeah and fuck it or something.

18:30You can make it up. Yeah. But I remember that. That was nice. It's surprising how little I remember of my life. I know, yeah. I was my, I probably told you about this, but my friend was here a while ago and we've known each other for 14 years. Yeah. I was like, I can't remember 14 years worth of information doing stuff with you. We're kind of like, we're obviously recording this before, but do you know what you would have done? last night? Past Dennis in the future. Oh, I think last night, no, right? You'll no idea what I did. I 100 % did this. Yeah. Last night, I had Beef Wellington in a lovely apartment in North London.

19:14Oh, not at home? No. In an apartment in North London with some friends of Lisa's and we played a puzzle game and we all laughed. Yeah. And probably at some point, someone may have convinced me to do some drugs. Right. And now I'm falling apart. Okay. I saw a really good... This is funny trying to predict now. I wonder if that's true. Do you know what people love doing now, right? Is they're not even saying that it's drugs. Is like, they're like, oh, I'm just doing a little liquid mushrooms. Okay. Just doing a little liquid mushrooms. Do you want to do a little... It's like, would you like a viennetta or some mushrooms in a little bottle?

19:51Yeah. And it's like, yeah, sure. Cool. So I'm quite dangerous when it comes to mostly anything. Right? So you know you've talked about your own stuff right. I just have to keep the door closed. The drugs. On anything. Like on anything. Any sort of kind of adrenaline rush. I just have to keep it closed. You know. Like and I just. I'm just better off over on this side of the wall. Yeah. Because the other problem is. Is that I'm great crack. Well do you think you are. No I'm great crack. Oh. I have so much fun. So hopefully that's what I did. I saw a great. I saw a great meme I wish I could credit who it is but I can't remember but and I whoa was it an Irish person as well whoever you are right you're great but it was really really funny it was it was just a video and it was you after like doing not that we do this or anything right because my parents listen to this right other people but after doing a load of class A drugs staying up till five o 'clock at night drinking all night walking home not eating anything and then you're in with your therapist going, I don't know why I feel so bad.

20:59It must be because of my parents being divorced 20 years ago. It's like, hmm, I think I know what it is. What else could be? So you're doing the puzzles. Would you have stepped out onto the road then at midnight maybe to watch the fireworks? That's so funny. And maybe give a wave to the neighbours you fucking hate and then go back inside. But you know what, right? Whatever about doing in London, right? You walk out. There could be a fairly amazing display on. Yeah. Why in the name of God do we do it in Mallow? Why do we do it in Ennis? Now you are going to tell me that Ennis has some amazing firework display or whatever.

21:30I think so. But like, you come out, what do you expect to happen? And there's Ursula across the road waving at you and you're both looking up at the sky going like, fireworks are illegal. Yeah. Oh yeah, I love it. I don't actually know. There's something just a little bit off about New Year's all the time. But what I would say to people waking up today, right? Yeah. Is, January is a tough month. We'll be here. Okay. Get a bottle of, like, vitamin D tablets, crush them up and sniff them. Yeah. Like, you need to do everything to get yourself going now today. Yeah. Get out for a walk. Yes. Oh, people love walking on New Year's Day.

22:12Yeah. People love walking. They love swanning around the place on New Year's Day. It's going to be jointed and everyone will be, oh, the sales. Do you get into the sales? Yeah. That don't really exist anymore. They'll be up, all of our crowd go up to the Hinch. Oh, yeah? And they pound up and down the promenade, up and down and rushing, tearing along the beach. Full of force. In all the new Abercrombie and Fitch hoodies. Oh, I could wear this. I could go dressed like this. Tearing around, how are you? How was the Christmas? How are you? You'd be sick of it? Oh, we have to get into all the phrases now.

22:38You'd be sick of it? Oh, you'd be too full? Back for the turkey sandwiches outside? Oh, ho. I don't know where I am now. Talking to you today. I don't know where I am. Why? Because I haven't, at the time of recording, I haven't made my plan yet Are you not going to be in Ireland No No Because I'm home in Ireland For ages For my show In beauties Thanks everyone who came Did it happen Who knows Hopefully I hope it happened And then I have a week in Ireland So I'm coming back to London Like Stephen's Day Or just after So Why don't you spend the night with us Where No I think we're going to go away Thank you That's nice You're so hard to get to To meet up I've been trying to organise A date Oh yeah For so long with this man And I cannot get him to do it I'm very busy I think we might go to Vienna.

23:23Oh. Or something like that. For God's sake. They're always feeling a little bit of sympathy for you about Vienna. Maybe. Last minute. It doesn't know. Well, soon. We'll figure it out. I need to do something because then it's back to work. So... Do you know what? I don't know. Do you know the band Ultravox? No. Ultravox Vienna. It means nothing to me. Oh, Vienna. That would be pretty cool to listen to that song on New Year's Eve. Wouldn't it be lovely now? Maybe I'm there. They have these lovely coffee houses. you can sit out and they'd have like lovely actual markets not pretend markets like actual just nice but like the smash cut to the actual version of your night is you're in some club up against a wall yeah with a fucking illuminous band on balls naked yeah with an old sign playing in the background I wonder do you think those places stop at midnight no they never stop they never stop alright will we leave it there tell me two minutes tell me goals for the year.

24:22Goals for the year. So we're sitting here now January 2027. Okay. What's happened? Goals for the year. I am not going to have a miserable January. January is a very tough month for me. Okay. I'm not going to have a miserable January. I'm going to be full of life. I'm going to go to I'm going to go on holidays somewhere. Yes. It'll be nice. And I'm going to write a TV show. I heard. Please God. Yeah. Okay, fantastic. I'm going to also try not to not be miserable. Should we make a real effort in the January episodes to just be happy? Yeah, I know. We need to be happy for everyone else. We do. Let's just make a deal to not mention the misery and the rain.

25:03Yeah. And go on holidays and go to Belfast. Lovely. To see my friend in a few weeks. And then I might go somewhere else. And then I'm going to just survive. Okay, that's the end of that now. Thanks for listening to your internet boyfriends. you can watch this full episode back in HD on YouTube. And we'd love to hear from you. If you want to drop us a message with your news or your saucy stories, you can get us on Instagram or TikTok, or you can email us at yourinternetboyfriends at gmail.com. Off we go now. Very busy. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.