#56 Big Balls and The Matrix

0:00Big balls. Yes. Would big balls be a thing? Because that really wouldn't be on my radar at all. Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mark Teacocks. Hello, Dennis Lane. This week we're talking about The Matrix, Belfast Gays and Dancing with Victoria Beckham. And we'll be answering some listener queries and helping you to keep your marriage alive with a little bit of fiddling. Hey, Mark. Hello. How are you doing? I'm admiring myself. I know, you've got a lovely fringe today. I have a new hairstyle. Yeah, you do. Can you say what's different? I would say you haven't gone as closely shaved on the sides.

0:36Yeah. And I would say that you're rocking kind of a woman who likes Wham in the 80s. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You know? What about the texture? The texture is you're using a different sort of product in the hair now. Yeah. You've moved to a clay. I've moved to a cream. Oh, you're in a cream. Okay. I'm in a wet look. Cream on top. I went to Wet Look I went to see Derek at Shorty's and sure he has loads of bits on sale and he gave me a bottle of stuff and yeah I realised the people that I was attracted to lately they have damp hair like wet kind of stuck together mine was getting very fluffy and dry I feel like we all have a social responsibility though to never bring back the Brill Cream wet look hair and I think gay men in London now need to need to watch it because you'll do it lovely you'll do a nice job of it the straight lads will lose their minds again and they'll start doing the stuck to the head oh and the fringe spiking up and stuff I used to have a sweep back I used to have a comb back but then it would kind of over the course of the day it would lift oh yeah and it would kind of have to it would start spiking up because it wasn't long enough to really slick back all the way awful yeah there's some smells of gels and stuff now if I smell them I get about 450 memories back that I don't want the Braille cream yeah scooping it oh scooping it and there was a little metal foil around the top of the thing the tub and you'd never fully take it off so the last little bit you'd be scooping it from in under the and it'd be licking your finger every time you're putting it into the pot yes do you know what I used to get a big tub down in the pound shop when I was probably about I don't know 11, 12 yeah huge tub of it I'd say a pound I've gone nowhere yeah probably gone out in the back the red one or the blue one blue one do you know I don't know the difference No I'm not talking about Bril cream What are you talking about I'm talking about like It just says wet look gel Oh This would be the type of stuff Squeezy No in a tub Oh no Huge tub of it Okay And I'd have nowhere to go Like I'd just be going out Into the back garden or something Yeah Running around the place Oh I thought it was cool Yeah No this is nice now Just two pumps he says Two pumps Put it in And a quick little blow dry And then off you go Three pumps myself Hmm Can I just have a rant You can if you want About my travels I feel like you're constantly travelling It's all gone wrong And it's not going well for you You know what's gone wrong There's one train line That they keep closing And I decide every weekend To get on that train And I go all around the world And last night It took four and a half hours Four and a half hours To get home from Gatwick Airport From a very short trip to Belfast I left Probably I was having coffee with my friend In central Belfast And then We got in the car It was a nine minute journey in her car from the coffee shop to the airport in Belfast.

3:30Isn't that lovely? City. It's in the city. I'm mad. Nine minutes. And then I landed in Gatwick and it was four and a half hours to get to my house. What would the normal time be from Gatwick to your house? Two. Which is still quite long. It just all went wrong. And it was very like, things were broke. The train was broke. And then there was options. You can wait for this train, which is going to take like two hours to do a detour kind of a thing. or you can get on this rail replacement bus and that'll bring you somewhere else and then there's another train from there that'll bring you up to London and you're trying to weigh up like which of these is the worst?

4:05I would rather not go on the rail replacement bus. Yeah. Even if I had decided myself to go on a bus that runs on a route, I would get that bus. But oh my God, walking up and they say rail replacement bus, I'm like throwing my bags away, I'm not going. Hundreds and hundreds of people, but like a thousand people were queuing up and there was no bus. And it was just, and everyone's like looking around and people always start asking me, I don't know, do I have something? They kind of ask. It's the new hairstyle, I'd say. They asked me like, what should we do? There was like this family from Germany.

4:36They were like, where's the bus? I was like, I don't fucking know. I don't know any more than you. And then the train that was cancelled came back and they were like, should we go with you? I was like, I don't fucking care. I just want to get home. This German family following you. Go ahead. Go ahead. So we started walking and then they announced that the train that was coming, that was coming, it was on a completely different route and it was going to take two hours. And then there was a landslide in Horsham. This is just a little reminder. If you're enjoying the podcast, make sure to click follow on Spotify or you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

5:10Thanks so much. And so a man, there's a special kind of driver, has to drive through like tricky conditions. So they had to wait for him. I don't know how he was getting there. They'd wait for him to come. and then we literally drove through a landslide. It's on a track. There was people, no, the land to the side of the track had slid, slided, slided out. So we went through the dark and then I was looking out the window and there was literally like a big gang of people with flashlights on our, and like high-vis, down in a hole. It's like maybe, maybe there was no need for this train to go at all.

5:45Could we have... Could have gone down the cliff. Could have gone down the slides. And... Oh, pack it in, Mark. It was an awful lot. and then I got home and I got into the bed. No, I had a bowl of cocoa shells. Oh, lovely. And then I went to bed. Cocoa shells. And I was fine and we put on the electric blankets. Pumped up the heat. What an ordeal. But like, it serves you right for going away. Give me a break. Then two gays messaged me today and they said they were also on the train. Oh. They didn't say. Chris, you could have had a good time for four hours there. I had a carriage to myself. Oh, your carriage.

6:19They could have gone and looked at my carriage. Curtains on the carriage. Come on in Anyway Continuing in our week of pain and jealousy Oh lads I was a nightmare at the weekend I come on here sometimes and I give up about things or whatever I was a nightmare on Saturday I don't know what was around me I was so irritated It was like my hormones had just gone mad Right But on Friday and this had nothing to do with it surely It's in the gym Right The balls on some lads out there The balls on them Big ones Right I was in the gym I don't mean literally I mean figuratively I'm sure that's big balls out there but uh rocking around in the gym with Lees and I'm on we're usually like doing the same machines right I'm doing one machine and she goes I'm going over here to do some legs she walked I don't know a meter away from me oh lad swoops in to help goes over and he goes hey do you know what his line was hey wow and she goes sorry?

7:22He goes wow and she goes sorry? And he goes oh sorry you just really look like one of my friends and she goes thanks He backtracked Yeah He goes thanks and he goes okay And I was like I'm right over here Was he big and sexy? He was a little bit sexy but I was doing arms so I was staring over at her while this was happening and then she started laughing her head off While I'm lifting the weights. And she is in convulsions laughing over there. What a cheeky little sparrow coming in. But he have seen you earlier. No, he 100 % saw us. Because we were going around. She was laughing, because I'm hilarious.

8:04And we were going around the place. And I turn my back for one second. And in he swoops. Did you go say something? No, no, no. She's a beautiful young woman. right so she's going to get attention she can handle that so for herself did I stare at his back by god I did rumbling in the car going home giving out on the podcast two weeks later I was like wait till he hears about this wait till he hears about this cheeky move cheeky fuckers cheeky move what does he think is going to happen in that situation he thought you were friends oh we don't give off friend vibes no no pure raw sexual energy do you go often together yeah we do yeah it's a disaster god it's a disaster yeah do you know when you're coaching or not like you know you're kind of coaching each other no like okay you know like you've ever got a pt or training yeah yeah just going to someone with the gym and they go all right come on give me one more and our response was i'm doing one more oh she she takes it as direction yeah so i'm like come on you can do it I know I can do it The dynamic is wrong It can be pretty Changed But it's It's fun Cheeky But I'm sure it happens The other way around What for me?

9:21Yeah Well when I'm in there They're a little bit coy I've talked about this before But they'd be throwing you They'd be throwing you A little look Yeah You know But they wouldn't be Making an approach But then at the same time I'm like Do you expect me To make an approach What the hell is it? What the big sexy man Came in I know That's the trouble That's the trouble With the big sexy men Can I ask you something Speaking of swinging, because he just mentioned it. Big balls. Yes. Would big balls be a thing? Because that really wouldn't be on my radar at all. Just remembering and saying hello to all of Mark's family and Ennis.

9:54Would people be seeking out? Some people do, yeah. Seeking out big balls.

10:02No, I'm very limited in, let's say, the amount of fruit that I've seen. Some people do, yeah. some I'd say it wouldn't be make or break but some people would be excited yeah yeah there's a lot of maybe not oh my god I see this is what we're here for I'd say maybe if anyone's listening on Spotify or Apple just keep putting my hand in the air it's just up they'd be excited about The aroma. Ah, Mark, what are you talking about? I find more than like talking about size. Any attention on that, that comes my way. Tends to be in discussion of the aroma. Really? Yeah. Is that it? They love that. Where is this?

11:07when I go for a run once every four months dear God almighty and if I make an announcement which I always do a lot of the comments would be about the aromatherapy oh my lord opportunities following the run do you know what I mean by that? no I I know exactly what you mean by that yeah that is interesting but I like that but you know if you're sitting down with a group of your friends yeah right and let's say as a group of I don't think it's a it wouldn't be coming up like what are you into? Big ditties? Big... No. No but like is it oh I was with a guy last night oh he's... Big bald. Not so much.

11:48Some people. Wouldn't be a... Yeah. Yeah. Because I think they get overlooked really. Yes. Some are prominent. Some are not so. I think you'd be better off having... There's a bit of showing them off in the gym goes on. That can be completely accidental. Yeah. I have... Like if I was on a bike now that could... It could happen. Speaking of, Go on. in Belfast, I found homosexual mecca. I found an O 'Neill's shop. Oh. Which I don't think, I don't know if we have. I'm fairly sure we had one in Cork at one point. Yeah. Oh, am I mixing it up? We had, what was it called? Finn's Corner, if that's still there or not.

12:26But that was just O 'Neill branded, so maybe not. This was a full O 'Neill's Superstore. shop brand. Everything you could. So I went to the shorts. I bought five pairs of shorts. I'm a 30 inch waist. I tried on every pair of shorts. A lot of the gays are buying the 10 to 12 age shorts because they're like just small. Tighten on. And they're cheaper. Are you 30 inch? In that. Short. Yeah. It goes up and down. 30, 34, 33, 36, 28. It literally changes. 28 sometimes? Because if it's like a high waist, then it's obviously the smaller bit. Oh, yeah. Do you know? Yeah I got three pairs but there'd be a lot of excitement about that and the visual aspect of the little shorts but I don't think we have that I don't think we have O 'Neill's shorts shops in Dublin Are O 'Neill's still the thing?

13:20The South Yeah They're still in The brand is there Have you been to Belfast? I have I've been to Belfast Do you know it? Yeah I was in Belfast relatively recently Do you like it? I would say to all the Belfast listeners out there I like the Belfastians Yeah I don't love the city centre oh it's not my favourite in the whole world okay why I don't know I just don't I didn't feel like there was much happening there you know okay did you I loved it of course you did I did what did you love about it I liked the I liked I liked the confusion of us like the visual aspect of the streets I'm trying to figure out what I'm saying like it's so I try not to offend anybody It sounded like a slight insult.

14:05No, no, no. I'm trying to pick my words. Higgledy-piggledy. No, it's just such a mixture of things. And you just get these jolts of very familiar things from the Republic of Adunz. Ah, I get what you mean. Like a Sentra. I get what you mean, yeah. But then you see a bus, and it looks like a bus in Edinburgh. Yeah, yeah. And then the signs are in miles. It's like a little jolt every corner you turn. there's a sign in Irish language and then there's a Union Jack. How did you feel walking around in there? Did you feel like you were in Ireland? I felt like I was in Belfast. Yeah. Yeah. It has, it's a very unique like look and energy and I loved it.

14:52Everyone's great. Great friends. Met, like my friend lives there and her friends are lovely. Went to the Ulster Museum. That was a lot. Good crack, didn't you? Great Crack all about the history of people all from the beginning of time and then there's a big section on the 60s and the 70s. Oh yeah, the hippie movement and stuff. Yeah. But it was very intense. It was very, very good to walk around that and then to also think like you don't know who you're standing beside reading this bit of information. You don't know who they are. You feel like you have to take a little break when you come out of those places, don't you?

15:31Yeah. When you're really taking it? Yeah. And then I met a gay man. Oh. So we came out of that a little bit thrown around. And then I was tottering around and then we heard homosexual music coming from across the road. What would that be known? ABBA? Diana Ross. Okay. And we followed it and we were trying to predict was it going to be a brunch or was it going to be maybe people on a bicycle pub, hen party? Oh, yes. That kind of music? Yes, yes, yes. But it was a vintage shop and we went in and there was a homosexual, I'll assume to be, behind the desk and he gave me a look and I gave him a look and then I pretended to look around at the stuff.

16:11Did he have massive trousers on? He had and he had funny glasses and then I looked over my shoulder and he was looking and then he said, do I know you? And I said, I don't know. And I said, I'm very famous. And he said, have we? No way. And I was like, I don't know. We might have. I can't remember. and then we had a little flirt and he owns the shop and then sure he's a good salesman then I bought this shirt from him What's the shop? The shop is called Do you want me to read it? Show Some Love Belfast Okay and I had a lovely little look around they've loads of bits and it's like a charity but it's all queer because a lot of things in the north are quite still wrapped up in religion of either side so it's nice to have a a charity that's not about religion so we had a little look around there and there was a lot of gays mincing around lovely and it was a lovely like I don't know coming out of the exhibition and all the heaviness and then this is like the actual modern reality well I was doing a little mincing around with gays as well I heard about that did you?

17:18yeah I heard you were very jealous oh furious I cheated on you and went on a date with a gay man I heard about it yeah where'd you go? we went to photobook what's that? oh you wouldn't know it It's very hip and cool. Oh. It's in, it's around Old Street, around that direction. Yeah. And it went in there and we had a lovely little coffee and they were discussing all sorts of cool stuff. Who is it? It's a, it's a man by the name of Declan. Yeah. His arms have appeared on Instagram stories and lit the world alight. People are marked heavily on his biceps. Yeah. He said as well to me that the followers ticked up after that event.

17:54Peaked. Peaked. Yeah. No, we'll say it to him, right? I know I'm really going to put him on the spot. Really going to put him on the spot here. I think at times he may have forgotten that I was straight. Oh, was he flirting? Was he telling you stories? He wasn't flirting. No, no, tell me all the stories in the world. Even flirt, doesn't matter. But I, I don't know, it's not everyone, not everyone, but gay men have a stare. Oh. And we'll check you out as they're talking to you. Oh. Chat no idea. And he, He thinks he's getting away with it. Declan thought he was getting away with it. Oh. He was not getting away with it.

18:34Okay. I think he's just flirty. Oh, no, he is. He's fun. Yeah. But chatting away to you and the eyes are dropped down to the arm.

18:47Having a look. Oh, the lad's opening up like a tuna can. He was just down there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the thing is, unbelievable. He's able to continue the conversation completely tuned in. Oh, he liked that. Yeah. I came in wearing a jacket you see in a big hoodie and then the jacket and the hoodie came off and oh Sherlock he was sliding around yeah he was nice little date friend low little date but we saw something and this might be my cultural naivety I saw a man get a coffee outside right a cappuccino by the looks of it and then he got a bottle of sriracha and he poured it into the coffee oh is that a thing A gay?

19:28I don't think that's a gay thing. No, I can actually say that. I don't think that's a gay thing. No, I don't. I think that's just a mad man. What do you mean, Sriracha? Hot sauce? Yeah. Oh. And I mean, not like a little bit, like boom into the coffee. And myself and Declan, right? He was able to take his eyes off for two seconds and we looked out the window. And we were like, oh my God, what's he doing? Have you ever heard of that? No. I've heard of like, you know, kind of like a, you know, let's say like a spicy chai or, you know, something like that. Yeah. But like, what was that? Oh, I don't know.

20:00Anyone out there know what that is? Please tell me. I'm still pushing the agenda of the Cortado. You're on them. I'm on them. I actually hate when we go for coffee and you send me off for a Cortado because I'm like, are people even getting them? They are. And I was with my friend all weekend in Belfast and she's come round now. That's what she's doing. She's on the Cortados. She's on them. Yeah. I can't do it. They're big in Belfast. Black Americano. Will we take a break? We will. Okay.

20:31Oh, I have a good one for you. I have a good one for you, right? And I'm going to introduce it in a way that's going to cause you no end of stress. Wincing. Right? And also, for the people at home, it's going to be a nice little treat for you. Some people, I had imagined, will never, have never ever thought that I would say the words that I'm about to say. I watched a movie over the weekend. Absolutely loved it. Right? big LGBTQ plus all the other letters movie I'm going to tell you some quotes from it that I picked up that I loved and I'm going to see if you know it one of them is no more fucking ABBA oh not ringing any bells no believe me Bob these days gentlemen are an endangered species unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits oh and then this one now listen here you mullet why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart because it's the only bang you're ever going to get, sweetheart.

21:27Goodness gracious. Have you ever seen The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? Oh, yes, but I've not. I don't remember any of the quotes. They're like the big quotes. So for anyone who hasn't seen this, it's about two drag queens and a trans woman. And they go on a jaunt across the Australian desert to perform in a show in a very remote town. And they come across an interesting group of characters as they travel across. and it won best costume an Oscar for best costume it won some BAFTAs for best costume best makeup it is phenomenal it floored me and plus I'd been you know just at a drag show oh yeah I don't think I know it very well it's just awful oh this is iconic I watched it years and years ago it's out in like 1994 or something but it stars Guy Pearce yeah Hugo Weaving and Terrence Stamp now Terrence Stamp was a huge kind of like old Hollywood movie star and he ended up playing Zod in Superman.

22:28And what's kind of funny about Zod in Superman is he was just a big LGBT supporter, right, this actor, but he wasn't gay. But Zod, Superman, Google Zod, right? He's a supervillain in Superman wearing all leather, big black mustache. Like he's giving vibes. Anyway, there is a scene in it where they're on this big camper bus and I think it's Guy Pearce is on top of the bus and he's dressed in all silver and there is maybe a 30, 40 foot silver sail coming off of his costume. Nice. As they're driving along in the desert. It is unbelievable. You're getting ideas now. It floored me. I'm like, honestly, I'm not joking.

23:10If I watched this when I was about seven or eight, it would have, maybe gay, it would have definitely had a massive impression. The costumes are fantastic and they're like going around the desert with drag to this backdrop of this arid desert. It's phenomenal. You should watch it. And do they come across hostility? Well, this is the thing, right? And we kind of touched on this when we're talking to White She Black. He's like, I was watching this. This is like out in 1994. Where? Australia. Australia, yeah. And they were obviously visiting remote parts of Australia. And I was waiting for the scene where like something really, really bad happens.

23:48They get beaten up. You know? No. Nothing. I mean it's so bad to say this but like nothing terribly bad happened that took the movie in a different direction one of them does get beat up unfortunately but what I really loved about it is they come to their own they're their own saviors in it do you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah but here's where I really don't rabbit hole so Hugo Weaving right he stars as Agent Smith in The Matrix oh have you seen The Matrix do you know what I'm having else You've not seen The Matrix? It's very complicated. What are you talking about? It's very complicated. It's not very complicated.

24:27I'm going to blow your mind. It's very long, isn't it? These are just harmless little questions. I'm not testing you, right? This is just fun. Do you know who created The Matrix? No. Right? The Wachowskis. I'm pronouncing that correctly. Right? Two trans women. Oh. Right? Now, I hope this isn't inappropriate, but there's a lot of people that will listen to this podcast and they will say, oh, you know, it's famously like the Wachowski brothers. Oh. Right? But, you know, since... Stop. Since after that, the movie. Yeah. Both of them. Both of them. Wow. Right? Now I'm interested. No, you're there.

25:04Now I care. The Matrix has become kind of like this big allegory for trans and being trans and different things as well, like kind of like rejecting societal norms, right? But in The Matrix, I think it's so interesting. In the Matrix, so there's the real world and then there's the Matrix. And basically we're living in a simulation and we live in this kind of ignorant real world where we just go along with everything. And then some people can make a choice to go into the Matrix. They've kind of broken into the Matrix and that's controlled by all these robots and all this kind of stuff, right? And these machines and all that stuff, right?

25:43But you have to make a choice to reject all these societal norms and move in and kind of accept who you are and your own true happiness. Sound familiar? Wow. And there was a character that was meant to be in it who was still in it, but was written a bit differently because it's 1999 and the studios couldn't handle it. Yeah. A character called Switch who was male in the real world. Flip it up. And then when they get to the Matrix, they're female. Wow. And the main character in it is called Mr. Anderson in the real world. And they're called Neo in the new world, which is like new identity. Oh. A non-binary.

26:18Right, new identity. And Agent Smith, who's the villain in it, he keeps calling Neo Mr. Anderson, which is their former name. Oh. And Neo keeps insisting on Neo as my new name. A dead name. Yeah. Wow. Oh, maybe I will watch it. Yeah. God. There you go. Now. Yeah, fit a homework for you. Have we a question, a query? We do. We do indeed. We have a question from our listeners. They've been sending them in. All right. so this comes in from nat hello hi mark and dennis love the podcast and i've always relied on other parents for advice what yeah so today since none of that has worked i've decided to turn to do men me and my partner love each other but we are constantly tired constantly busy and barely get any quality time together how can we make time for us as the couple not just the parents sleepless in Dublin gnat what's wrong they're well I suppose it's an age a story they have children and they're busy they're very busy and they don't have time for romance for romance I don't you know like quality time has receded and now they're asking us for parental advice and relationship advice I spent the whole weekend talking to my friend about babies do we want babies and who wants babies and how do we have babies and we're not going to get into it here because it's a big topic but that's very funny because my whole weekend has been about that and around everyone is in my life is like 30 to 40 and is thinking and freezing eggs and talking about adopting and surrogacy and like for queer people as well it's all very like complicated sometimes there's different avenues so that's interesting but then we were in the museum walking around and there was a person who looked like was just about to lose it because there was about six kids pulling out of her and screaming and shouting and I can see how you would be completely exhausted it's not easy any activity with the child is a lot of work.

28:40And then... I see women walking along London with a kid in the front, kid down by the side, little kid going on a bike, falling off behind them. Yeah. And they, you know... And a big dog. Like, heroes. Heroes of London going around the place. How they do it, I don't know. And then go home and kiss your husband. Kiss your husband, yeah. Look, you see the dads? I saw a dad today. He was... His kid was running and on and on in front of him but four years old and he was running with all the bags behind her you know trying to do what they have to do but obviously you're focusing on the next thing we're busy people right we're busy people imagine throwing two or three kids into that right nightmare right not nightmare but well yeah it'd be hard look let's say it like it is it's fucking hard and people are tired right so how do you do it right us as not parents at all how would we do it how would we get that is this um are they say is it she her he him she I haven't specified but it could be either are they saying they want romance or are they saying they want I think I think I think the people want quality time you engineer quality time and then you get romance because a lot of people who have kids have have more kids so there's obviously still a bit of romance there's more kids coming out again like look it's it's their fault for sending this in right so we're talking from complete inexperience but I think I think that some people want kids and then aim for the kid do you know it's kind of a different maybe a different kind of oh it's a bit of a like let's let's get in and procedure at six o 'clock let's do it yeah there's a lot of that can be different we're planning yeah because I have to right yeah but if we've got the kids now and we're down to we're down to little we're dragging all the bags the dog is barking Kid fell off the bike How do we You know It's raining What are we doing?

30:39Because we've offered them Literally No advice so far

30:45I really don't know I think you Could you do a bit of a Could you team up With another couple? Oh Jesus Mark Could you just fix What's at home First maybe? And Make a deal To do sleepovers With who? Send the kids off Oh alright Okay I thought you were and make an arrangement say we need to ride will you take these children out of our house Yeah for one night a month and then we will do the same we'll take your children for one night a month and it'll save the marriage Ah you see I think you're I think you're discounting something then What's that? Because as a parent I'm sure if you get that one night off Wrecked Wrecked You probably just want to sit down watch some TV just have nothing happening around you Yeah Probably want to go for a bath and not have someone knocking on the door.

31:37You know? I'm not saying it's not a bad idea, but like... It's a lot of pressure on that night then. Lots of pressure, yeah. And sometimes the body just isn't in the mood. You know, as we brought up before, foreplay is, you know, the 12, 24 hours before it. Like, I said to Lisa, I said to Lisa last Friday, right? She said, I'm going to cook dinner there now tonight. And I said, I'll do the hoovering while you're cooking the dinner. And she was there, oh, cancel the dinner Jesus skip the dinner throw me over the table so yeah could you say you take these children out of my house for two nights and then the first night you could be collapsed and then the next day or perhaps four nights you take these children away from me and never want to see them again would that work?