#58 Mam Comes to Visit and the Prison Sauna

11:01Denis’ mother:So that was the first thing she said. And then we're having a nice time. My sister orders her red curry. her cork accent is so strong that she gets cod oh Jesus not a fish person

11:16Denis:so there's a big hullabaloo about that then

11:19Denis’ mother:oh so and it's quite loud it is yeah in there yeah hectic there 6 o 'clock Friday

11:27Denis:7 o 'clock Friday yeah so we had that

11:30Denis’ mother:yeah shouting and then we went away and then the next day I got up and had to go clean the house because they were arriving at 3 o 'clock

11:39Denis:Oh, to the house? To host them for the day. The whole gang? The whole gang. What'd you do?

11:43Denis’ mother:Just sat down and talked for seven hours. Lost my marbles, right? And then we said to them, we're like, what would you like to eat, right? And I, the difficulty is like with Lisa, like when we went back to Killarney and stuff, right? It's like, I keep explaining to her, like there is no, you can't, there's no rules in this. It's not rules based family, right? Like as in just whatever happens, happens. It's just complete madness. And she can't really get that around her head. So she's like, you know, what would your mother like to eat? And I'm like, nothing. Like, like she won't like it. Like if she went to, I won't give her a, if she went to like Mary Lynn's favorite food restaurant, she'd hate it.

12:21Denis’ mother:She wouldn't like us. She'd hate it. Like. Yeah. So I was saying, we're going to cook, we're going to cook her chicken and chips. And Lisa was like, we can't do that. She's like, what would you like in the chicken? And I'm like, you're not understanding this. Like nothing. Yeah. So we go, we basically cook my mother chicken nuggets and chips. Everyone else agrees that they like pizza. Yeah. We cook a lot of pizzas. As we're putting on the pizzas, my nephew says he doesn't like cheese. Oh. And my sister says she doesn't like cheese. Doesn't, oh.

12:50Denis:And then we sat down, and this is the bit that had me absolutely... But, you know, how bad is that dislike of the cheese? Maybe just push on. Just enough to announce it. Not enough to not eat the pizza. Struggle, suffer through it. Suffer through it, yeah. Be lovely now if there was something else. Their favourite side, With a meal is a bowl of complaints.

13:11Denis’ mother:They love that. That mmm, mmm, mmm. We were sitting down then and I was actually crying, laughing. Like, to be honest, my mother should have killed me, but it was so funny. She was sitting down and she had her back. I was sitting down on the sofa and she had her back to me at the table. And she was just saying to Lisa, she's going, oh, what's this? It's absolutely beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. it was lettuce and tomatoes in a bowl

13:38Denis:oh how did you make this it's absolutely beautiful because she made it yeah it's absolutely beautiful what is it so you can do nothing right no I couldn't do anything right it's hilarious where were they staying

13:50Denis’ mother:they were staying not with you they were staying no they were staying in the middle of London somewhere and then at one point we were kind of talking about like funny things from you know childhood or whatever that are not usually that funny and then my mother says well sure you know I only got on with Dennis until he was about 15 15 15 Oh never I'm alive I'm alive longer Not getting on with her Than I was getting on with her

14:13Denis:I thought you got on well What? I thought you were getting on well Supposedly not On the night

14:17Denis’ mother:Supposedly not So yeah What do they say about me? Oh wait wait wait Sorry just to finish off my weekend Then on Sunday Everything was fine More plans Well we had plans We were going to have a dinner At 6 o 'clock right Which was In the end Actually called off Thank god Yeah Sitting down on the sofa on top of my white rug get out my coffee go to drink it spill it all over the white rug you did Sunday closed down for business

14:44Denis:Sunday closed down for business on the chairs that are covered in shite from being thrown on the road fucking leaves all over in bed sheets burnt the bed sheets broke the clock fucked the fucking soft you ruined it

14:54Denis’ mother:so that was my weekend okay how did you get on? I had a different weekend you did yeah I took off to Spain can I say I went on a very big plane I felt I was going abroad like far away I got Iberia Airlines to Madrid and they put us on like a huge plane do you know like a plane that would go that has like a weird head like it's like three seats four seats three seats oh yeah yeah like a massive what's the flight like three hours two and a half hours I think it's a plane that they send like to South America and then it comes up to London and it does like I don't know but there was no one on it I was like I thought I was in a dream because I was so tired and just kind of just mad after the whole week so off I went landed into Spain beautiful oh my god absolutely beautiful so easy absolutely beautiful lovely train half an hour into the city walked to my friend's house we went for tapas is it tapas now?

15:53Denis’ mother:you have to be careful oh

15:58Denis:there's a few dishes can we just backtrack a little bit are you going where did you meet the friend? My friend is from here and he's living in Madrid for like a few months. Right, so when you're eating the tapas,

16:09Denis’ mother:is he eating much?

16:15Denis’ mother:So I take that as a no. He's having the lemon water then. You're eating everything around you.

16:26Denis’ mother:Having a rotisserie chicken and he's just watching on salivating. Stop.

16:34Denis’ mother:You are too clued in now. You've learned too much about the community. I was ordering for the table. You'll have nothing.

16:50Denis’ mother:But some of the dishes. There's a lot of like funny meat. It was all delicious. But yeah, there was a few things I was like, I wasn't ready for the shift of taste. Like with steak tartare. Oh, that's a dodge.

17:06Denis:I kind of ordered it and I was like, oh, I forgot what this is. That's so close. It's kind of like raw. But it's so close to like, oh, that's delicious, to I'm going to be sick. And you're kind of eating it and you're like, it is lovely.

17:18Denis’ mother:And then you realise what it is and you're kind of like, oh. And then you're both kind of telling yourself, oh, it's lovely.

17:25Denis:Love it.

17:26Denis’ mother:It's the same thing with eggs sometimes. You eat eggs, like a bit of water or something. And you eat it and you go like, I'm eating an egg. you have to tell yourself kind of it's nice and then we had tongue in one of the places like really like really thin slices of what was it?

17:44Denis:just meat no but I mean like what from whose tongue? I don't know cow cow? again just a bit like

17:50Denis’ mother:I don't know about that I'd eat anything

17:53Denis:but I think if it was it was slippery no it was like corned beef kind of like really thin

17:59Denis’ mother:yeah so nice everything was so cheap and just Just great, friendly people. We went out then to an LGBT venue called LL Bar. And there was drag. And it just worked out. We walked in and I'd say we were there three minutes and the show started. Great. You're not arseing around. Great drag, funny, all in Spanish, which I love. I love not understanding what drag queens are saying. It makes it funnier. You just start kind of guessing. You get the energy. Yeah. And then loads of nice people. and then we went to another bar and we made friends. Again, want to celebrate the straight women in the LGBT spaces.

18:39Denis’ mother:I know there's a bit of discussion sometimes but we need the girls. They connect. They connect everyone because we were there. Different groups? Yeah, they connect the people up because the two of us were there barely, I speak no Spanish, he speaks a bit and we had walked into like a Latin music bar, gay bar so we were lost and then this girl like four foot tall like looks up and was like where are you from and we started talking her name was Maria and she was just a vibe and she was do you know people that just make you loosen up and just dance and like singing along and stuff so that was great we made friends and then well she had she had she had other motives she had two gays

19:23Denis:but it isn't I think I think they love setting gays up though don't they yeah they really love it she was like

19:29Denis’ mother:you have to meet my friends like okay Maria a real buzz out of it

19:32Denis:I've seen it happen

19:33Denis’ mother:yeah and then she was kind of watching then yeah that was nice and that's it we made friends for a while when do I yeah

19:43Denis:we're connected I can't say can't say connected

19:47Denis’ mother:kept in touch yeah kept in touch for another time left yeah we had to go yeah we were there a while yeah we did our bit and we said goodbye but I loved it yeah and then I don't know just moving to Madrid what are we doing here I actually do you know I like London I actually like London I don't like it I saw a man the other day drop an apple on the ground the eating bit hit the ground landed on the ground and he picked it up and he wiped it like a cartoon off his shirt and started eating it the the bit bit yeah like I mean he dropped it in dirt he dropped it near Pleasant's Theatre like on a particularly dirty street yeah and it like rolled around the place and he picked it up and he wiped it like that was going to get rid of all the stuff that it had just taken off the ground and he started eating it I was like that's London that's London and that's good

20:43Denis:I just you know I just like that stiff upper lip you know

20:46Denis’ mother:I think I've spent about 80 euro 80 pounds since I've got back last night doing what because I landed so you know these people that do these like weekend mini breaks and they pop in pop out it just never works for me my flight stupidly the flight was taken off last night at 10pm that was a mistake and it was not Iberia coming back it was Ryanair coming back so I was due to land in Stansted at half 11 yeah tight because the last train is at half 12 right and if you missed that train screwed you're not in London you're in Stansted You're stuck So I said right I'm going to be positive I'm going to manifest It's going to go well So I got to the airport I got to the airport at 7 o 'clock The flight was at 10 I don't know why Wow Just in case I was like I cannot miss this flight And did all my bits And I was done I was ready about 8 And the flight was still at 10 And then we went And we queued up at the gate And it was leery They were loud They were drunk Oh They were drunk People from

21:59Denis:the United Kingdom. They were a bit of shouting. Would this have added to any of your disdain for I had the sunglasses on. And I was like

22:10Denis’ mother:we're back. And I had just been hit like press WH Smith all these things at the airport I was like come back. And then there was just lads. There was a gang of lads they started making fun of my trousers. No they didn't. They did but they were like nice nice trousers mate or something. Fuck off. But you know, not in a like, there was no abuse, but it's like, shut up. And I was such a bitch. I was just, I just said nothing. And they were like, oh, doesn't want to talk to us. Oh, I hate that. I don't want to talk to you. I want to go home. Because those same lads, right, and I know it from being on like, part of a nice group of lads, when these lads start, you know, circling around.

22:44Denis’ mother:You give them shit back, one of them will lose their minds. Oh yeah. Like one of them will say, what are you fucking saying?

22:49Denis:Because you'll inevitably be smarter than them. Five or six of them, three bucket hats in the group. Horrible.

22:56Denis’ mother:And they're big bags of like duty free and they'd open the bottles and then someone was telling them they're not allowed to drink and blah blah. So that was all going on and then the flight was delayed. And she said it was delayed an hour. So they were all kicking off. And they all decided to sit on the floor. Interesting. No need for it. There's loads of chairs. People kind of get a bit overly dramatic and they start, you know. Did they have another hour of drinking then? Yeah. Oh dear God. So then it was 10 and then it was 11, no flight. Oh. It was half 11, no flight. And then we eventually took off, I think about 12 or something, close to 12.

23:33Denis’ mother:So we landed in Stansted. It was, I don't even know what time it was, one or half one. All the trains were gone. There was one bus, the bus. And then I was like, oh, fuck. It just all started to go wrong. The bus. So I had booked a train ticket that was 20, 20 or 20 pounds. That train was gone. I booked the bus ticket that was 22 pounds the bus you've owned extra so I'd now spent 42 pounds and I haven't gone anywhere and then the bus came and it brought me to Tottenham Hale landed into Tottenham Hale at about 3am get out grim mark grim Tottenham Hale in the middle of the night is end of the world experience fucking people everywhere and loads of lost there was like a few women on their own and I was like do you know where you are like it's gathering them all up they're just thrown out of this bus in the middle of they think London it's not it's like oh right they don't know where they are they're all on their own so I ended up like helping people and like they were trying to they were like where's the bus I'm like that bus is not coming 45 minutes get a taxi so then I got into the bed at about 4 o 'clock this morning you were actually in good enough form for

24:46Denis:and then I slept till half 12 which is all right I'll give that to you yeah It's horrendous I don't know how you do it Would you ever think of Not travelling ever again

24:55Denis’ mother:But I don't know But I didn't want to waste The day I was going to fly back Early this morning But then that's Not great either Anyway Oh boohoo Big problems But Jesus It just sucks The life out of it And a few hours earlier Like I was having A great time And then Oh And they were all drunk In the plane And arsing around Will we go Have a little break Is this the first half Jesus Hello We'll take a break

25:25Denis’ mother:We're back. Hello, I'm squeezed in. These jeans are, I've been wearing a lot of floaty, floaty, kind of nice, loose kind of trousers and these are a bit hard. Oh, we refer to them as crispy jeans. Crispy jeans are a bit irritating. Yeah, they're not great and they're not good for if you're after a weekend of tapas either. Yeah. Constrict. I'm a bit constricted. You have the big belt on there as well. I have the big belt

25:49Denis:and I'm kind of squeezed into everything.

25:51Denis’ mother:It'll be alright Tell me some news What news do I have for you? What news do I have for you? Oh So I had the family over the weekend Did you ever hear of a thing called Bliss Magazine? Girly Magazine? Is it? Yeah

26:05Denis:Like did you get a magazine Or did you get any magazines when you were younger? Did I get magazines?

26:12Denis’ mother:I used to get the ones about Pokemon And I used to get I didn't think you'd be a Pokemon person Oh my god I wrote a book No you didn't When I was in school, I wrote a book. I drew every Pokemon, the 150 originals. I drew them all by hand and I made a little diary thing about them all and submitted it to the write-a-book competition. And? And, well, it's not original content, so it doesn't count. You made a Pokedex. Do you still have that? Pokedex, that's the one. You still have it?

26:43Denis:I'd say somewhere, a lot of Pritz stick. I had a red cover, a bespoke cover. Your mother has it in, like, the Mark T. Cox vault at home somewhere, definitely.

26:51Denis’ mother:I'd love to see that.

26:52Denis:Yeah, but it's like a job

26:53Denis’ mother:you start off and then you get a bit bored after 20 or 30 of them. Yeah, 150 is a lot. Were you drawing these like were you drawing these by hand, tracing? Oh yes, drawn by hand, very gifted at the art. Yeah? Yeah. I loved them, yeah. I had a friend in school and we used to bond. Everyone else was playing football and we used to hang on the side and talk about Pokemon. I was a big Pokemon boy as well. Myself and my friend actually shared a Game Boy. Oh. Yeah, we shared an old Game Boy. Like? Yeah, so he lived two doors down. He lived two doors down and we were playing Pokemon Blue, I think. Yeah.

27:27Denis’ mother:And I gave that man a level 8 Squirtle. And he returned that to me the next day with one eye turned in and bloodshot

27:39Denis:with a level 67 Blastoise. Wow. Yeah. I mean, you couldn't pause it. Wasn't that the thing? If you got stuck in a battle.

27:47Denis’ mother:Yeah, you had to finish it and then you could go to like a PokeCenter or whatever and save right I think yeah you could do stuff like that I remember a lot of fights

27:55Denis:the dinner is ready and I'm in a battle

27:58Denis’ mother:and you've just walked over grass and a Rattata comes up yeah not good times two questions then follow up for you oh go back Bliss Magazine no no I'm going to go back to that in a minute but I just want to ask you two Pokemon questions first ok favourite Pokemon yeah

28:11Denis:and favourite Pokemon noise oh Charmander the little orange one Charmander Charmander is is gay he's definitely yeah he's definitely expressive swishy i used to have a little

28:26Denis’ mother:keychain i had loads of stuff we used to go to dublin to the liffey valley shopping center and there was a shop i'd love to see it and i'd love to see what it actually is because it to me it was like you know wonderland hollywood but it was probably just some crap shop selling fake shit but i i had a little what died like a figurine yeah and i had keychains and it was a lot of him. Yeah, he'd be my favourite.

28:50Denis:Yeah, he was. He was definitely... What was the one that looks like an egg?

28:56Denis’ mother:Like a white, and then it looks like... Oh, Bellsprout. No, it looks like an egg. Starts with a T. Tamago or something. Oh, Togepi. Togepi.

29:06Denis:Togepi was a baby. I had a squishy thing of him. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was nice. Togepi was great. What'd he turn into?

29:13Denis’ mother:I don't know if he turned into anything, but someone's going to correct me on that. Was he a special

29:16Denis:one? Yeah, he was special.

29:17Denis’ mother:Okay, favourite one. And favourite noise.

29:19Denis:Yeah. As in saying their name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a few. Oh, eh. Like, for instance, what does Charmander say?

29:26Denis’ mother:I don't know.

29:27Denis:Just says his name. Yeah, no. He doesn't say it. I like the snake. Eckens. Yeah, that was nice. Eckens. Snake. Yeah, he's snake. Backwards. Yeah, but he... Faggis. Faggy. Yeah. He's safe for something else.

29:44Denis’ mother:But he's Eckens. Like, he's...

29:46Denis:Yeah. He's definitely there. Yeah. Swish. very swishy and very kind of

29:51Denis’ mother:shoulder swaggy yeah he doesn't have shoulders he's a snake

29:53Denis:yeah yeah yeah what does Charmander say I don't know go on give it a go I don't know how he says it though Charmander he's like Charmander he's like that Peppy Charmander that's what he says yeah yeah

30:09Denis’ mother:do you want to ask me what my favourite Pokemon is yeah go on favourite Pokemon is Scyther you know Scyther the green guy you find him in you can find them in the forest oh or is it in a safari park you can find them in a safari park of the original first yeah but you need to catch them with like a great ball or a master ball or something

30:29Denis:kind of a special

30:30Denis’ mother:yeah yeah yeah very hard depending on it whether you're blue or red you can either get pincer or citer I can remember stuff back then that I that like I have more knowledge of than I ever retained ever again in Raspard but his one is citer which is brilliant

30:45Denis:actually they all sound the same but that's my favorite It felt real didn't it? I loved every second of it I really thought it was real

30:51Denis’ mother:I loved it I thought these were I don't I didn't get it that it was just made up I thought Isn't that the most wonderful place to be? I really thought it existed kind of somehow beyond I don't know where I thought it existed but I You just didn't challenge it too much It was so complete everything was so and there was so many things and you get the little books

31:15Denis:and the stickers and the we were really raised up

31:19Denis’ mother:in a very uncomplicated time of like there is good there is bad you work hard and you do good and you'll have a great life yeah do you know and good triumphs evil that was the way it always is look at us now it's got a little bit more complicated than that look at us now because we've grown up my my my sister was telling me about my niece and like I this stuck with me she loves collecting like recyclable stuff yeah to make objects and like stuff out of yeah and if you're eating Pringles she'd be like eyeing the top of the Pringles can the little lid because that's like I think she can make loads of stuff like a little hand pop or something and I just thought like what I would give to live in that small of a world again yeah what age are we?

32:01Denis’ mother:oh god

32:02Denis:5? 10? 12? 10, 12

32:05Denis’ mother:10, 12? I don't know yeah 12 or something imagine living there and just being like oh can't wait to get that Pringles can gonna make something instead of you know

32:15Denis:It's four o 'clock and I'm stuck in Tottenham Hill. Yeah. And looking at Sky News. Oh yeah. Watching videos

32:21Denis’ mother:of the most horrific things on earth. Oh I have stopped though. I have stopped. Like it's really good. I caught myself standing at the bus stop in Tottenham Hill at 4am worried about this like at that exact moment wild. I think it's good. I think it's good to be aware of stuff but we don't have to check in with it every six seconds because it's not good for your head.

32:38Denis:Just do a little make and do day. A little craft day.

32:40Denis’ mother:I love to do that. When I'm hanging out with my nieces and nephews I get very into the crafts Do we have to bring the nieces and nephews?

32:47Denis:No Well No But they do help

32:53Denis’ mother:They're not much help You know They don't really do it as well But to give you a bit of Kind of an unexpected direction Oh that's true In the design

33:00Denis:Where you have to kind of go with Whatever they're saying Yeah They're like Will I colour this thing You know Purple Do you know what we'll do? We actually should do this We should do a live Make and do Podcast That'd be so funny Yeah I'd love to do that It used to be big in Pantybar Yeah

33:16Denis’ mother:Back in the day on a Tuesday night she used to have making doo-doo and all the queers gather round and they'd make craft and they'd be a drag queen going around helping Isn't that nice?

33:29Denis:Other than that What are we talking about?

33:31Denis’ mother:We're from Pokemon? Bliss Magazine Bliss Magazine Bliss Magazine was this magazine back in the day probably like the 80s, 90s Yeah Because I don't really I don't really like I know Bliss Magazine was around but I don't remember this part there used to be a sealed section in it that's the world we lived in a sealed section that might have like sex tips in it or something and you would have to open it up when you get home to reveal the sex tips and stuff so it couldn't be read inside in the shop or maybe if you bring it home you know someone's saying you don't open that sealed section who is the demographic?

34:10Denis:probably like it's like girls teenage girls and stuff okay maybe kissing tips

34:17Denis’ mother:yeah well it wouldn't be too well you see the reason they were talking about it is because my nan used to always take the magazine and open up the sealed bit yeah

34:24Denis:oh

34:25Denis’ mother:yeah so I don't know

34:26Denis:is it more than kissing it god I'm not saying there was like you know like pictures or anything would there be a test as well to see who your celebrity boyfriend is

34:34Denis’ mother:oh probably yeah and answer 10 10 questions yeah who you're gonna marry great times I've been listening to Harry Styles

34:42Denis:Really? On my telephone I've had a lot of talk about Harry Styles

34:48Denis’ mother:In the last couple of days And some people were talking about the connection between Maybe our show and Harry Styles Was there a connection? The fashion? The fashion, yeah I mean, it's a stretch But he's been around, I think that song

35:03Denis:That he did at the Brits Did you see it? So I don't know where you're going to come from with this

35:10Denis’ mother:but are people sick of Harry Styles now?

35:13Denis:No.

35:14Denis’ mother:No? I think they like him.

35:15Denis:Oh, I thought people thought the Brit Awards thing he did was cringe. I think some people would

35:21Denis’ mother:and then I think they're the people that maybe should just move on and then I thought it was great. Oh. And I kind of like appreciated him for the first time.

35:33Denis:So what did he do? I don't know anything about it. I just got the surface. He kind of came out as a bit more

35:40Denis’ mother:it's a bit more artistic it was like choreographed very kind of very bizarre kind of abstracty conceptual kind of dance piece which a lot of people have just rolled their eyes at and be like what's he doing what's this what are these silly moves but it was I don't know what the words are I don't understand dance but but it like it was more than just a rock star hopping around it was a bit more I'd say it took a lot of discussion to agree to do that because it is the Brits and it's just a very mainstream audience and a lot of people would probably feel it's a bit obnoxious or a bit like well people don't people really don't like people kind of getting above their perceived station yeah they really don't like that but I liked it and it really worked because it was so kind of unusual that it made you watch and then it made you listen to the song another song and if I like a song I'll it's I just looped it around for the last three days 25 times yeah oh oh 70 times like the same song I have a diagnosis like there's definitely something I need to are you looping it like it's going on one after the other and continuing no songs in between no I'll do that for weeks if I like a song the one song yeah yeah yeah so if we see you walking along the street it's just Harry Styles for like the next week it could be yeah I did that Billie Eilish has a song called Blue I'd say six weeks nothing else the same song and I would learn every little beat and I'd learn all and then I'd make up the little harmonies and sing them to myself walking around I'd say that probably is something no?

37:21Denis’ mother:yeah it's nice there's loads of songs there's too many songs you can just listen to the same one over and over I don't know how common that is I wonder

37:30Denis:do you listen to songs when you're riding? yeah no I would put on a soft jazz no playlist but no lyrics no music no no it's too distracting it can turn it can't it and I don't want songs ending and then another song starts I want it to just flow yeah yeah kind of without you knowing it's going on to another song just kind of sexy beats in the background a lo-fi beat yeah oh big fan because I give you a bit of Celine Dion but then like Who Let's The Dogs Out comes on there'll be some stupid song that has some stupid lyric

38:01Denis’ mother:yeah yeah that breaks the mood hmm and it's usually in a a moment do you know yeah so a bit of jazz

38:12Denis:a bit of soft jazz so if I was a person

38:16Denis’ mother:coming over to your house yeah and I was like I don't know whether Mark likes me or not and then the jazz record came on oh a bit of Stan Getz came on would you be you're in for a good time yeah yeah okay nice yeah I think it's very strange to not have music during the writing

38:31Denis:I never play music oh ever it's good yeah yeah

38:35Denis’ mother:why do you have the why do you it just makes everyone less self conscious and you can make a bit of noise and not be worried no not be worried about being heard or whatever

38:45Denis:oh but like okay but it's for the neighbours right just overall okay yeah let loose let loose yeah roaring over the jazz shouting over the jazz um

38:55Denis’ mother:but yeah Harry Styles I'm going to investigate a little bit more I know he's good I know he's but I kind of dismissed him I don't know well what about our

39:03Denis:pal Timothee Chameleon then what's he been saying

39:07Denis’ mother:he's had he's had a nightmare

39:10Denis:well he needs to give it up no yeah but he's had a nightmare isn't like he's being silly like what he said was so stupid he dismissed he said opera and ballet are not important yeah come on and he you know basically went as far as to say allegedly

39:24Denis’ mother:that you know like unless there's an Oscar on the way I'm not even going to be involved in that project you know that kind of oh stuff he got he got too freewheeling and started saying silly stuff the thing that the thing if he went for the opera and ballet right and he went in an angle of like you know some of this stuff is like completely inaccessible yeah to like how do you say it like you know certain like socioeconomic classes are just completely shut out of that yeah great that's a conversation to have but he just absolutely lambasted him because I don't think he taught like there's loads of like people that you know just doing ballet on a Saturday morning you know like loads of Yeah Like loads of kids And stuff or whatever You know And like opera singers Have to be incredibly talented And he's also He's coming from An American view Yeah Like there'll be little kids In Switzerland Italy Austria Like it's very normal Probably Like we do Irish dancing classes Yeah 100 % They do their ballet classes And some of them Yeah They go on That becomes their job He needs to Figure himself out He's not coming across Very well No He's not Coming across

40:32Denis:very likeable. No, I think he's misstepped massively in the last while. You can be obnoxious but it has to be

40:39Denis’ mother:you have to let on you have to let people know there's a bit of a joke behind it. He's just not seeming very nice. No, I think I think he's too many yes people around him. Yeah. And now he's landed himself in this hot water and he should just come out and go, oh look that was so stupid like what was I up to? You know, just talking shite like, you know, sorry with that. And no, he doesn't need to be doing it.

41:00Denis:We had a complaint.

41:01Denis’ mother:What? after the live show the biggest complaint was we asked people to submit questions and then we ran out of time. We did. And we didn't get to address. That's because we were having 5 % of them. So much fun. Yeah. And also when I scanned through the questions I was like oh dear God which ones are these am I going to ask? Yeah. Because some of the crafty audience members were putting in absolute landmines into those questions for us to step on. And I spotted them.

41:32Denis:we've deleted those I'm not going near them should we fire out a few of our favourites yeah so to give people

41:38Denis’ mother:a clue or not a clue to give people insight into what we're actually talking about at our beautiful live show we were able to people were able to enter their questions for us to answer yeah we answered about three or four of them extremely quickly because we have to be out of that venue at a certain time yeah and now we're going to go back and we're going to give them all the time in the world yeah and you've picked some that you haven't told me and I've picked some. Yeah. And there's a good chance we've picked the same ones. Maybe. Go on, hit me. Okay. So my first one is this is such this is what I'm talking about is a landmine.

42:14Denis’ mother:It doesn't seem like one but it is. But it's safe enough. Is there anything you would not let your partner do?

42:24Denis’ mother:So I think there was a lot of talk about partners during the during the life show. Yeah. I think this is probably within a sexual sphere yes right and not just a controlling freak so is there anything that you would not let your partner do you're taken aback by this for some reason

42:52no

42:53Denis’ mother:is there well I mean we could go we could try and find where the limit is if you wanted to But I don't think it would come up. I think anything. I don't think there's anything reasonable that would be suggested. That I would turn down. Yeah. I don't think there's anyone in my life that would be coming with something that would shock and horrify me. No, I think that's that's that's getting around the question. Like as in, yes, there probably isn't people in your life who would who would challenge you with a question. but I'm saying they're saying like in a hypothetical sense what would it be what would be your line my ones are like fairly you know give me yours fairly close I don't think I have I would say well my line would be and let is a strong word yeah if they wanted to look people are grown up enough listening to this they know what we mean but like I said if they wanted to that's their own choice but I would just not be okay with it and then I would leave yeah but you know they do whatever they want I would say sleeping with other people probably would be my line.

44:00You know?

44:01Denis’ mother:That's my line. Okay. So where would your line be?

44:08Denis:I think... And can we see it from my line? I think anything that could

44:14Denis’ mother:end, you know, result in being put on a list. Okay. Okay, that's fair enough. Do you know what I mean? There's a...

44:25Denis:There's a little dance. Jesus. surprised you would be surprised

44:29Denis’ mother:what do you mean you'd be surprised there's a little what list there's a little dance that goes on where people they try and push you to say things okay

44:41Denis:alright yeah no I get like there's in a romantic setting there's versions of that in the heterosexual world 100 % there's words

44:48Denis’ mother:that they'd be trying to let you know it's okay you can say that word if you want and you should be very clever don't get tricked in saying it why not call it off you're like ah you won't trick me and the the the distinction between some of the words is small enough but but there's like I want you to

45:19Denis’ mother:ah right

45:20Denis:yeah

45:21Denis’ mother:again

45:21Denis:thankfully

45:22Denis’ mother:there's a number of words

45:23Denis:that you could fill in there

45:24Denis’ mother:so I don't think it's that

45:25Denis:and you have to be obvious you have to really be like

45:28Denis’ mother:why are you saying that now can we can we calm down a bit talk about this for a minute calm it down okay calm it down because first of all where is this coming from and so that'd be it anything that kind of puts you on okay yeah prison okay fair enough do you want any questions for me before I had this is actually a very good question what is your ideal lunch ideal lunch it's pretty boring yeah lasagna chips salad that's it for me if you catch me on a right day that's it where are we we're in Cork yeah we're not in Italy we're in Cork and we're in if it's still there restaurants 12a or something yeah and I'm sitting in there they've got everything on the menu and I want that and there is I actually which I didn't mention the restaurant name no yeah there was one day I was in there having the lasagnas I always get it and I went in and this couple were fuming oh and what had happened was a blender or something like to make a salad a bit of the blade broke off and ended up in the salad oh and the guy came out and instead of dealing with it like you know very very sorry about that he comes out roaring and he says I hear you had a nasty surprise Fries.

46:54Denis’ mother:That made me laugh so hard. But I go back there, lasagna fries. I don't know, is there any second to that? How are the chips? Oh, the chips are like, they're yellow, but then they're a little golden on the edges. Yeah. The salad is just a simple Italian dressing. No rocket. Just maybe like, maybe a spinach? Not sure, something around the lines of that. What kind of place? It's the lasagna comes in a boat. you know, to the side of it. Garlic bread then on the side. The garlic bread is crispier on the sides, but not too much of a crunch. It can't come apart as you crunch it. Or cut them out? No, it won't cut them out.

47:36Denis’ mother:It's not like the classic stuff you'd bang in the oven. And then in the middle, it's soft.

47:42Denis:Soft, but not undercooked. Yeah. Could I swap the salad for coleslaw? Oh, yeah.

47:48Denis’ mother:Yeah, no, the coleslaw could come in, yeah. I'd swap the salad. No, you could have a little coleslaw in a ramekin. Then we're fucking going 90. Are the chips thick? No, the chips are your standard cafe chips.

48:01Denis:Oh, skinny? They're not skinny, but they're, you know, like a... I'd like them fat and thick.

48:07Denis’ mother:And a bit fluffy inside. No, no, no, no, I wouldn't. That's like a carvery dinner chip. That's not what I want. Oh, you want... I want something that doesn't have that much surface area. So when you dip it into the lasagna, it's not taken away after.

48:19Denis:Crisp. Crispy. Not crisp.

48:23Denis’ mother:It's not a french fry as in McDonald's. It's about triple the size of one of those. I see it. Do you know? I see it. And you whack that in and everything is working together. Dip. One of my favourite, actually, white coleslaw is such a great show in that. One of my favourite things in the whole world

48:35Denis:is hot and cold. The cold coleslaw on a hot chip. Oh. And the coleslaw is real salty and creamy.

48:42Denis’ mother:Yeah, love it. Absolutely love it. That's probably what comes to mind. Yeah. And like, without any preparation on that answer, I'm just like, that's what I want. I think I'd nearly be the same.

48:51Denis:Really? Yeah. It's very good, isn't it? It's very good. Hot. Big. Yeah. Piled high. Cheese. Yeah.

48:58Denis’ mother:And you feel like you get your money's worth. I don't think there's anything on a menu that you can pick more than a lasagna, because for some reason, I suppose they can cook a big one. They can price it fairly evenly. And you go, fuck it, that's bang for my money there. How much is this? I don't know. How much is it? You could probably still get a lasagna here for like 18, 20 pounds. 18.95. Yeah, back home

49:20Denis:I don't know,$16.95 Is there anything worse? You cut into the lasagna Cold Ugh

49:29Denis’ mother:Or the You know, it all It's been overcooked Yeah And it's like It's like raw cooked You know what I mean? Yeah

49:36Denis:And it's like a horrible crunch Because sometimes they heat them up They don't heat it through and through And you know what as well?

49:44Denis’ mother:I don't really want to fancy lasagna No, no I hate when people go overboard Like just give me Give me one that like you know like a lunch lady made.

49:51Denis:Yeah. Loads of meat. Vegetable lasagna? No. No not vegetable lasagna. I had to do a gig before

49:56Denis’ mother:in a restaurant as you do when you've just lost your fucking mind. Down in West Cork and we sat down and they said oh it was a vegetarian restaurant. Lovely people and everything like but we sat down and they gave me a vegetable lasagna. It's the biggest lasagna I've ever had in my life. Yeah. I started eating it and then I expect to be shown to the stage at some point right and I'm like three quarters through this mammoth lasagna and then they go please welcome to the stage Dennis Land. Oh, in the... And I take the napkin out of my shorts. I wipe my mouth and I stand up full of lasagna and turn around.

50:25Denis’ mother:There's no microphone, nothing. And that's the gig. Oh, where you're sitting? Where I was sitting. Oh, no.

50:30Denis:Turn around, start hosting like I'm, you know, emceeing a wedding or something. I'd walk out. Full of lasagna. Oh, no. Yeah. There's nothing in us. And a bit of an aubergine. Hmm. No. Slippery stuff. Don't like it.

50:43Denis’ mother:No. So, where would you... Do you know what you've been eating loads of? Oh.

50:46Denis:big fries for breakfast. I love a big fry. You've been gone fry mad. This week,

50:51Denis’ mother:I'm the overdraft. I am spending, I don't know who I think I am. You keep offering to pay for everything. Do I? It's very kind of you, but like, even when we were doing the show and stuff, I was like, Mark, you have to put this on, you know, like let's say show expenses or whatever, you know, put it on the bill for both of us. Because you'd go in and you'd order a big fry. And I love this, right? And this is why I think like meeting up with you you'd get four coffees on a trot oh I never stopped four drinks yeah yeah yeah so we'd get another one and I oh the excitement and then I'm like I'm actually starting to shake I need to I need to have a word with myself I've gotten very good at treating myself nearly every day in the house full of food and I go out I nearly get a coffee every morning yeah not a treat anymore it's like every day and then I've started saying well I'm here now I could go home and make a bit of porridge which would cost 40p.

51:50Denis’ mother:Zero, yeah. Or I could sit in this East London coffee shop and give them£12 for the same thing. For porridge and honey. And the coffee and that's£20. How much would a coffee cost you every day? Oh, sure,£4. £4.

52:05Denis:So like£20 a week. Oh, I'd have two. So£40 a week. Easy.

52:10Denis’ mother:Yeah. And I'd get the breakfast then sometimes

52:14Denis:about five and a half grand

52:15Denis’ mother:on coffees every year if I work from home then in my job job job sometimes I kind of tell myself I deserve to go out for the lunch because I've been in the house all day but look do you know what I saw this thing during the week and it was some meme or whatever and it just said like you know when you think you're good with money because you just didn't buy any food

52:38Denis:yeah that's what we've come to but if I went to the Aldi's for twenty pounds I'd feed the house

52:44Denis’ mother:for two weeks. Sometimes you have to enjoy yourself. I just love to enjoy myself. Like Lisa tried to bring her lunch to work there for a week. I've never seen her more depressed. I can't do it. She was eating a lunchbox at the desk. Tears like dripping onto the pasta like. And then you have to talk

52:58Denis:to everyone. Yeah. I can't. And do the kitchen banter. I can't do it. Do the kitchen banter. Give me one more question. Quick. Oh my God.

53:05Denis’ mother:Some of this stuff. Oh yeah. Spy hole or glory hole? What's a spy hole? Well I think the what they're implying there is like, would you rather be watching or would you rather be taking part and being watched? Look at the smile on this fella's face. Honest to God. Makes the back of my neck sweat. So would you rather be watching or taking part and being watched?

53:32Denis’ mother:I don't know what the smile means. I don't know what it means. I don't think I like to perform. I'm a performer. I went to a health spa yesterday in Madrid. Oh, yeah? Oh my God. There was a lot of, it was kind of, there was like a prison theme to a bit of it. Oh dear.

53:53Denis:What does that mean? So there was a lot of like, you could see. I was walking around in orange jumpsuits.

53:57Denis’ mother:Yeah. You could see loads of lads in bits through these kind of bars, but you couldn't always get to where they were. So you'd have to, you know. Trying to get through the bars. Pawing through the bar or putting things. So the lads are Like they're at it Yeah But you wouldn't always Be able to figure out Because it's all like a maze It's all like a little Kind of cruising around So You'd end up kind of Either looking through the bars Watching the show Or you could put on a show And there'd be people

54:29Denis:Looking in through the bars But they wouldn't be able To get to you Get at you Did you ever get a fright? Like did you ever get a fright You turn around You see like you know Someone and then you turn around There's two more Oh yeah there could be Something coming in through the No way You don't know who owns it or a foot

54:42Denis’ mother:yeah an old foot going in through the bars that's yeah get out erm wasn't recognised all weekend yeah I've started slinging a towel over the shoulder to hide the tattoo the tattoo was very striking

54:56Denis:give away

54:57Denis’ mother:yeah anyone at all who knows me spots it I have a tramp stamp

55:02Denis:that says Dennis as well hello there and how long would you be actively sawing er well there's bits there's steam room

55:11Denis’ mother:then there's a sauna then there's jacuzzis it's literally like a health spa and then you go for a little walk after a while into the prison and then there'll be a lot of carry on and then they all kind of oh it gets awful like they all get giddy and they all start squashing into a little room it's like dogs and then it kind of all finishes up and then they all scatter off again it kind of goes in waves do you know dogs but yeah I put on a great show and then it gets then it kind of diffuses then all of a sudden and they go off somewhere else I'd love to see a heat map that'd be funny I'd love to see a heat map of the venue and to see the kind of consolidation because sometimes you're like there's no one here completely empty and then you turn a corner there's 50 of them squashed

55:59Denis:yeah oh squashed

56:00Denis’ mother:right we have to go thanks everyone for coming to the show yeah it was amazing we'll do another one soon we will alright bye bye okay that's the end of that now thanks for listening to your internet boyfriends you can watch this full episode back in hd on youtube and we'd love to hear from you you want to drop us a message with your news or your saucy stories you can get us on instagram or tiktok or you can email us at your internet boyfriends at gmail.com off we go now very busy bye bye bye bye bye bye bye