#64 Ireland AM and Parading Denis around Dublin

0:00Denis:It's your nightmare, like we had breakfast. Who? What do you mean? Me and you. We had breakfast. Oh, that was different. Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mark T. Cox. Hello, Dennis Lenn. This week we're talking about Tommy Bull going gluten-free and our television debut on Ireland A &M. And I'll be telling Dennis all about my accidental exposure in my Dublin hotel. This show is part of the Headstuff Podcast Network. Mark, how are you getting on? Hello. Not great, I'd say. Listen. Not great. I have to listen back to these episodes every week. I start by complaining that I'm tired.

0:41And I am again. You're a lot. Huh? You're a lot. I'm a lot. You are a lot. Am I troubled?

0:47Denis:You're a lot. My button's open. You need to get sleeping or something. Are you losing sleep over the weekend? Am I troublesome? No, no, you're not troublesome. I'm just saying that you're... Go on, say that. It's going to be a tough episode. Tell the listeners, what am I? Ah, you're a lot. For a sec. Oh no, there's a big hole in my sock. Oh, big hole. You've no shoe. I've no shoes on. You've no shoes on? Where's the shoe? Where's our twink? Get the shoes. No shoes. Oh my God, almighty. I thought I was feeling let down by the wardrobe apartment. Flexible. Yeah, I've just been able, but you know what?

1:21I'm thrilled because I'm going nowhere now till I think the end of May. I'm not going. I was in three hotels in three nights the last couple of days and I'm not good at it. I'm not good at the dragging and the bags and the packing and thinking will I bring this bag and will I leave if I leave the bag at the lobby

1:44Denis:am I going to be missing something out of the bag? And then you meet someone taking the bags who you know. For God. Oh yes. But you know the going. Some people are great at just walking just walking out the door with nothing. I think some people are great at leaving that job to someone else Maybe Do you know how long it takes to come up? Five hours What do you mean? Five hours, like when you get to the airport in Cork To me getting home Yeah, yeah, yeah It takes like five hours Oh, gotcha To get back Yeah, dragon Go on Give it in, let's give it up Drop it I'm sick of it Yeah, the hotels, I'm going to make a complaint I stayed in three hotels, will I tell you about them?

2:23Go on, yeah My first hotel, because we had our television appearance. Which we will get into. Television debut, which was morning. So we had to be there at seven o 'clock in the morning. And I couldn't figure out how to do that. How to get there at that time without risking not being there. So I got a hotel beside the television studios. Which was, it was actually grand. It was like a hotel that was built in the boom times. there's not much need for it anymore so it's become a bit of kind of just like a business traveller It's like roundabout chic It's right at the roundabout there is actually the front of the hotel is a petrol station Oh lovely That's the entrance to the hotel Hop down and get a little meal deal So it was full of business travellers businessmen But I didn't In a note?

3:15No I said I have to go to bed They were hopping though Did you check the app? They were hopping Yeah A lot of discretion.

3:24Denis:By and large, no, in that hotel, how many rooms are there? Just like... Oh, 200. 200. How many people were active on Grindr within that hotel? Three. Three? That's actually quite low. That's a lot. No, that's a lot. Is it? Yeah. I thought you'd get 10 % of the rooms anyway, at least. Well, you might have 10 % of the rooms are LGBT and then how many percent of that would be active? Ah, yes. In the running club? Yeah, there was a lot. You might have a man there He's from Where could it be from? Nottingham And he's going to a conference At the Irish Convention Centre And someone has booked him into this hotel And that's his impression of Ireland A roundabout Outside 10 miles outside the city But I got up then At about 5 o 'clock in the morning Because I was nervous I was going to miss The television debut It was very upside down I started ironing these trousers actually I started ironing these trousers at half past five in the morning the hotels Mark I don't want to one up you but you did not go through what I went through for ironing well I had I had to iron two floors down in a dark kitchen where in the hotel that I was staying in this is the problem they have no facilities for the ironing and then you iron it and the iron is bad and it gets sick on your clothes do you know when the iron gets sick in it that's what I was going to say you actually stole my story sorry That's exactly what I was going to do Spitting Spitting and dribbling And choking On these beige trousers At half past five in the morning And then I thought I can't wear these now I have no other trousers I can't go on the television I was Very upset And then I went down I had the breakfast All the business Can I also say If you're travelling for business With colleagues Don't be having breakfast With the colleagues And talking Business It's your nightmare We had breakfast Who?

5:26Denis:What do you mean? Me and you We had breakfast Oh that was different But imagine travelling For a conference Michael there from Norwich And Becky from Leeds And half Well half six I had breakfast And there was a couple beside me Talking about business strategies I was like Both of these people want To jump out the window Leave each other alone And then we went off And then the taxi came and I got into the wrong taxi. I was so tired. The taxi pulled up outside. I had booked it on the app and the man came in and he kind of mumbled at me and I wasn't listening and he started driving out the gate and then he said, are you going to, I don't know, Swords or something?

6:06I was like, no, no. No, I'm not going to Swords at all. So we had to reverse and get back.

6:11Denis:Mark, the taxi driver I got told me a story. About that? About how someone got into the wrong taxi just a while ago. Oh, that was me. That was me, yeah. But you have to really check because you can end up driving off in the wrong way. But anyway, that was it. I just wanted to complain about those things. But the irons, I was in three hotels, three bad irons, spitting, slurping, dribbling, ruined. Yeah, and it happens and you say to yourself, don't press that steam button. Don't do it. Don't press it. Piss or bits of like limescale dribbling out. Yeah, yeah. It's like the first time the iron's taken a breath in four years.

6:48Very bad. or they have a communal room and you have to go to the ironing.

6:51Denis:I had to go down in iron like a serial killer down in the galley it was called. What kind of hotel? Lovely hotel. You were in it. Oh, do you know what that is? Oh, here comes a swipe. Here comes a big swipe. The new hotels with the tiny rooms. They've nothing. They've like two coat hangers. No, this is a beautiful room. But no iron? No, you had to go down to the galley which was also like a tea room or whatever. Communal space. And I was in there ironing but of course, as you know, Lisa was with us. Yeah. And she took over the ironing. Holy mother of God. Was she spitting? We nearly, oh, we nearly didn't take it over.

7:29Denis:We, I thought I was going to be killstone inside the galley from doing nothing. Yeah. And then do you know what she made me do? I mean, I've had some low moments in my life. Yeah. We had two trousers ironed, right? She ironed the first one and she folded it on the crease. We forgot the hangers and she made me hold it up with my two hands Right. Up into the air While she are in the other one In case you ruined it In case I ruined it While other couples came in Laughing and joking While my arms were shaking Holding up a pair of trousers Is this in the morning Of the television This was the night before Just to get us in the mood You know tea in the room No tea in the room No tea in the room Communal space I don't like it No Anyway We made it Tell us about your T-Bate Deboe Well you'd swear we weren't on it You'd swear we weren't on TV What do you mean?

8:13The way we're acting I know I'm giving out I'm just wrecked from going I had another hotel then the next night in the middle I don't know where I thought I was going on like Dame Street and I I got in I was delighted and then I took off all my clothes and I looked out the window and there was a oh no there was a classroom of English no adults English as a foreign language across you didn't close the blinds I didn't think there'd be a classroom English as a foreign language looking in the window how did you discern that it was floor by floor classroom classroom some of them were facing had their backs to the window but some of them were sideways looking and bored to tears do you know people I'm going to get a run now but there's a lot of people come to Ireland they're well able to speak English but they have to do a class and they take all their jobs

9:09Denis:go and save our station shut up and there's no jobs for us but they're well able to speak English but you have to go through these bloody classes to do the test to pass your visa or whatever yeah yeah so bored to tears like don't need half of it they're just they're grown ups and they're just kind of you know they're not entirely engaged so a lot of looking out the window and I was there presented when did you notice? oh fairly soon but I had to run I had to go over to the window then oh run run naked to the blind what kind of blind was it? that's very important big curtains a whip so you went over there whipped it to the centre but so close like tiny lane oh it's not even that far away no like it's Dame Lane it's oh the one we walked down four metres so right across the road wide I feel like I should come with a warning when you walk into that room and I was so at least you noticed straight away yeah well they had a great day for themselves I was up on the curtains then but then even on the bed there was there was classrooms up and above looking down into the bed so I had to keep the curtains closed It's a shame The whole time I keep them open No No No Definitely not So yes A lot of going But we did make Our TV debut As you say Yeah We were live On television Live on Virgin Media Yeah With Tommy Bo Alan Hughes And Wirren Yes And Wirren was over On a table Oh Cackling way Yeah She loved us Glamorous Very glamorous Glamorous woman They were all very glamorous They were Very charming The whole lot of them The charm offensive was on I know How did you feel after it Or how did you Walk me through it Walk us through it I arrived first You did I went to the wrong building I pressed a doorbell And a woman shouted out Saying you're in the wrong place Great So I was already flustered Let's do this back and forth right I went to Applegreen Tried to cross a roundabout Nearly got killed by a truck Yeah Then I came back Walked all the way down But I knew where the right building was And in I come You walked down the motorway Kind of I crossed around the roundabout Which nearly caused A massive domestic Fair enough Nearly got us killed by a truck At times like that you could get killed.

11:13Denis:Yeah, I know. It was very close. Because you're frantic. Yeah. And you're nervous and you're not paying attention. Or drop the phone. And break it. Prime time drop the phone. And I tried to pass it off like I didn't just nearly get us killed by a truck as well, you know. Yeah. It's like, ah, come on, come on. Come down the street. So it rocked into you then. You were in the dressing room. I was there talking to some man who, oh, he had just left. He was doing a travel segment. Oh. Very funny. There's someone in the dressing room. They're so casual. And then they walk out the door and then they're on the tilly.

11:43Denis:I know. And then they're gone. Like they just come in and out. It's so quick. They're so smooth. Yeah, they were very nice to us. They were all fuss. Not long after we were sitting in the makeup chair. I bet you liked that. Getting the powder done. Yeah. She's a nice job, hasn't she? She's a nice job. Little tut tut tut tut. And then break for 20 minutes. I'll tell you what though. They were tanned up, weren't they? We looked very pale. What? We looked very pale. We looked very pale. I got a lot of comments. The two of them were lovely and brown and we were pink. Who said that? A lot of gays. Oh, what a pack of pricks, honestly.

12:19We were pink. And I get nervous, I go red in the chest. And I get flushed in the face. I was very flustered.

12:26Denis:Aren't they some little shit? I was more... Oh, so Declan's laughing as well, confirming over here as well. I was pink in the face. I was more thrown than I expected. I'm very confident here. I turned into a different... I was giggling and yeah, you were very cool. I just tried to pretend that I was meant to be there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think I brought myself around in a circle and I got panicked and I was overthinking everything I said. And I got a bit serious. No, I'm actually going to stick up for us on this. Go on. I thought we were great. Yes, we were ghost-like. We were translucent at times.

13:08Denis:What could we do? but I thought we were great all back and forth Oh I had a great time and I do think that the rollercoaster of questions was hilarious so to give people a little insight we get a call the day before from the lovely Paddy and we had a little call of Paddy and he ran us through some potential questions that we might be asked and a clip and whatever and he said we're going to start off with the pelvic tilt clip if you're familiar with that Lies Paddy Lies? Absolute lies but I do feel that the presenters are probably showing that clip afterwards and I'd say they were like we cannot start with that that's too much yeah but instead they started with which I was a little bit I was like oh that old context is they started with me saying about gay men gay men and I was staring that clip can't remember who's that about again oh and then oh he's over there and then the the me talking about the she's all go she's all go that was good Yeah, that was a good one.

14:09That was a good one. Great haircuts. Yeah, so I was thrown by that and then I was just flustered by God. But it's no harm because I can be very confident and think I'm great and it's no harm to get thrown a bit.

14:23Denis:But the questions, though, for anyone who, you know, hasn't been on television like herself, is the questions, they just have a little look down, say, oh, I'll pick this one next, whatever. Do you like going to the zoo? And you're just going, I love going to the zoo. Yeah. But, you know, they ask us some questions like, when are you coming home isn't London terrible basically right like along the lines of that Do you hate London I think Do you hate London and why do you love Ireland and why do you live in London and why are you not living in Ireland and when are you coming back to Ireland Underscoring why On live television Yeah To Ireland In the morning What am I going to say I can't say You can't say the truth You can't say I actually love London Well you'd be killed Paul Meskel still hasn't recovered from saying he likes London.

15:08So what did we do? Said we hate London. I said I don't know what I said. I got so thrown and then I was like am I I turned into like a politician talking around myself and saying nothing.

15:22Denis:But loads of it like loads of it is waffle. Like loads of it is what we were talking about. What you're meant to do is they ask you a question and you just ignore the question and you make a joke about something else. I've noticed and I forgot that and I started going into, well, I love London, but I also love Ireland. And, yes. I was like, fuck, whatever I say, I'm going to upset someone. But I also have to remember, you know, it's not that serious. And you, you know, didn't forget to cut the legs off me on live television though. What did I say? What do you mean, what did I say? You cut the legs off me.

15:59Denis:To the knees. Which bit? You said that all my stories were dry on live television. Well, that was me remembering I have to be funny. I better say something now I can't quite enjoy that bit Yeah it was great And they kept us going a bit longer I think Than was planned They did I feel like they They were enjoying themselves We got an extra bit Alan's cheeky isn't he Alan's cheeky I'd know Alan from years ago From what I meant to say that as well Yeah I think we crossed paths In a few Parties years ago He wouldn't know about that Yeah he was cheeky He was enjoying it He was He was enjoying it They didn't behave like breakfast Like they were fairly naughty I didn't know which way to go with them I didn't know how much to say I said Jesus Christ did you I haven't watched it oh you haven't no I haven't watched it I'd say don't no no you're so cool you're so good I got yeah I got a bit thrown I thought you were great everyone said you were great I watched it everyone said it was very attractive that's nice yeah well I got up next morning my mother had watched it And the first thing she said to me was, Mark's great.

17:06Denis:No. What? It's the first thing she said to me, right? I hadn't seen her the night before. I get up the next morning. Say, hi, ma 'am, how are you? She goes, I watch you on television. Oh, yeah? You looked absolutely wrecked. Oh. That was Gomet. Jesus. I said, what? And I said, you mean, well done. That was great. And she goes, you're taking me up wrong now. Oh. It was my fault. You're taking my insult. It was wrong. Sorry, I wasn't meant to take that. She thought she looked, I didn't think you looked wrecked. I thought we looked great. We actually were told we looked great. I would say I looked a bit wrecked.

17:37Because in the morning you'd be dry and you'd be dehydrated. I thought you looked better though.

17:43Denis:I thought we looked very handsome. I'll defend us to the ends of the earth. But you know what happened beforehand that people don't know as well? I don't know if Declan knows this either. Tommy Bo comes into the dressing room. Oh, he's very attractive. Oh, Tommy Bo, the charmer. I was giggly. Oh, and we were in his territory as well. Oh, yeah. We'll bring him on here now and we'll have a fucking chat with Tommy Bo. Tommy Bo comes in, and of course, we're just being giddy goats, like yes sir or no sir, right? He comes in. Lisa's there, sees Tommy. She goes all googly-eyed when he comes in, and he's all laughing and whatever.

18:14Denis:And then he says, what are you up to for the weekend? Oh, yes. And I said, oh, it's Lisa's birthday, Friday. Now, this was taken, recorded at 5am on Thursday morning. We were on, or sorry, 8am Thursday morning on television. Right, and he goes, Friday. Friday's tomorrow He goes you know Hinting You better have something ready And then he goes Lisa He goes Your birthday's tomorrow And she And instead of her saying No don't worry You know I've got a man there now I can trust She goes It is Tommy It is I'm laughing and giggling and everything He'd take her Oh If she was my woman He'd have a fight in his hands If she was my woman He's happily married He's a nice man He is a nice man Yeah He's a dish He is Yeah he's a dish And he's impressive The way he does it Like he works The way he works He's so He's so cool And kind of just like At one point We saw him running down the hall Eating a scone Having a cup of tea Yeah Next second we saw him on television How does he do that?

19:14Back in again Yeah Yeah they're so relaxed with this

19:17Denis:And they were so lovely They set Lisa up on the chairs Up on the like The breakfast chairs In the kitchen To watch us In the kitchen Yeah So more of that I'd like more of that If I did it again now I'd know I've learnt a lot already Get us on Get us on Get us on everywhere Yeah Red FM Today FM Yeah Anyone who's out there Also All our super fans Out there at the moment Super fans Right If you like this podcast Make fans of more people Yeah Go tell your friends Yeah Go get more people on So then we can get on More famous television shows Yeah There's a lot of secret listeners There is a lot of secret listeners And I think It might be I don't want to cast aspersions But I think I think the gays keep it secret a little bit Okay I think so They don't spread the word They don't Yeah if you told If you told three people now today Yeah That'd be three more listeners Yeah And if everyone did that That'd be Because basically what happened is We got a taste of television Yeah And I want it again I want it again Yeah I did like it I did enjoy it Oh I loved it And we've done a half eight Yeah Off our big breakfast In for the breakfast I snuck in Well we stole the breakfast Free breakfast Mark T.

20:26Denis:Cox Got a free breakfast I stole the breakfast And he said nothing about it Listen Off he went That hotel was How much did you pay for it? £500 No, didn't Got it on a deal Cheaper in your hotel On Dame Street Okay, fine I never go for the breakfast Because I never know If I'm going to get up And then every single time I'm in Dublin I do the same little routine Walking around Trying to find the breakfast And I should have just got it Tell them what you had for breakfast In your place? Yeah Well, we were picking Because I had had Oh, hold on I had it in the business hotel No, it was the next day I didn't have it I had some hash browns You did?

21:01I had some berries You did get a bowl of berries I saw Lisa walking over

21:06Denis:With the bowl of berries Did you put that order in? That was nice That was lovely I think I had a sausage But did you request that? Fruit, yeah Fruit And I had a coffee Got the whole thing brought to you And then we took off Around the town You're ignoring this now But you didn't go down once To the breakfast buffet Oh, it was brought to me You got the whole thing brought to you Well, I was an illegal Oh, yeah I snuck in I wasn't meant to be there I was an illegal Sometimes when I'm around The two of you I feel like A child or something Or I feel like Do you know what I mean I'll tell you what The two of you Are a lot to go around with Oh yeah I was very tired You're a lot I was very tired I went in Like we were basically doing Whatever Mark wants to do Whatever Lisa wants to do You've no say I walked into a bookshop I went up to the second level I was there for about three minutes And I had three missed calls That was me Well you said downstairs You were sick of it So then she started ringing me I couldn't climb the stairs I was there for about three seconds Yeah you have your two partners there Yeah I do Pulling on either Oh my god You're a lot But we walked the town We did She loved the tour that you gave her She loved it Because you had her above in Bloody Go on Go on say it Not the nicest part of town No There was a man who tried to Attack us with a crutch Yeah I know he was actually Doing a machine gun Oh With the crutch Oh I didn't realise that Up around kind of Where was that?

22:24Cape Street, Pernill Street And then he broke the crotch And then he looked at his crotch And couldn't believe he broke it Furious Yeah we had a great time We had a great time I had a really lovely day I love Dublin I've been there a lot now lately I'm getting a grot And I went To the George then That night again And a lot Because I had been there Last week as well And a lot of people Were like coming up to me Saying Kind of like It's great that you've moved home But they weren't even that shocked They just assumed I've moved home Because you were in the George Because I've been in Dublin two weeks in a row.

22:57But they weren't even that like, oh my God, it's amazing. Like, tell us all about it. But it just gave me a glimpse of if I did move home, you would just blend right back in.

23:07Denis:Oh, so you need to keep the fame alive by staying in London. Well, no one would even kind of make a big fuss about it. You could be back and just like you never left. Just move home in secret. And then say, are you actually moving home? Say, no, I'm just back from London for the weekend. every single weekend yeah get a few drinks out of it nothing alright this show is part of Headstuff Podcast here's another show you might like hi sorry oh god I didn't mean to interrupt your podcast yes sorry I'm young yes I'm hot and I'm gay and we're young hot guys yes really I apologise for interrupting but we have our own podcast yes it's also on the Headstuff Podcast Network sorry for interrupting but it's really good and I didn't want to say this but it's actually really really really good really funny My mum says so.

23:52We are three guys but we're not real blokey. Do you know what I mean? We're soft and friendly and nice. Yeah, like this timid request to ask and listen to our podcast. Exactly. We're not going to bash you over the head. We're approachable men. So listen, when you're finished this one, don't, don't, you know what I mean? Yeah, there's a good perk coming up. But if you don't, we will bash you over the head.

24:10Denis:I know people. Anyway, enjoy the podcast. No threat. We'll take a little break. Mark, do you have any news? I asked you last week about your escapades. and you bounced around the question I had a lot of time on my hands Three hotels I had three hotels I made a friend Dublin, I won't say too much but we went to the George Right and