#72 Mark’s Tattoo was mistaken for something VERY offensive

23:02Can I call this off I'm going to go get a job It's time I'm going to get a job

23:13Denis:Are you hoping this hasn't recorded as well? I'm going to pull the plug I'm pulling the plug Poor Michael I've had a wonderful week I've had a wonderful week Of socialising With the LGBTs Can I say I've been drip feeding Our idea To the LGBT community Oh, our kissing event. About our kissing event. Oh, yeah. And they're dripping. Yeah. And they're ready. You want to tell them some more? I want to tell them to take out their calendars. And I want to pencil. I would say a soft pencil on the 31st of July. Almost confirmed. We just need to tidy up. Keep it in the calendar. Keep it open. 31st of July.

24:07speed dating with LGBTs from London and I'd say guaranteed kissing guaranteed kissing

24:19Denis:if you'd like to kiss if you'd like to kiss or at least looking at kissing or watching kissing and not cringe speed dating no tables some people are hearing speed dating and they're recoiling what are you seeing now what are you seeing speed dating before our concept describe what they think it is you know you sit down and I mean for some reason I'm imagining this from the point of view of a woman but like you know some poor woman is sitting down and 16 guys sit down and tell her they work in finance and they don't ask her a single question and then she loses the will to live after about an hour and a half and then every single one of them thinks that they have the pick of the lot and that they've stormed the speeding event yeah that's what i think on rotation as in like going around tables yeah yeah one person is staying at the table while maybe the men are going yeah no we won't do that we're not doing that i was talking to a girl recently who went to speed heterosexual speed dating and she said the best part of it was talking to all of the men realising how dire and hopeless the whole thing was and then making friends with the other girls in the toilets yeah banding together banding together and then Gwyn were like were you talking to him can you believe were you talking to Steve he was full of it and then they all made friends and then they all kind of stayed together as a new group went for drinks and what did the lads do nothing got the bus home got the night bus and I tell you they went home thinking they did it yeah I think that's storm speed day So it won't be that It's going to be very trendy It's going to be very Low stakes Yeah but it's not It's also not going to be I don't want it to be super cool Because that's pressure It's hard for us not to be Yeah I know But I'm saying we need to resist Yeah Do you know as in like I want it to be accessible You don't have to be Dare I say the next phrase A super cool gay to come here Oh no we don't want them Do you know what I mean Well I mean We can take a few super cool gays Pick and mix Yeah and More importantly everyone's welcome.

26:27Everyone is welcome. Right. And God forbid you might talk to someone that you mightn't think you were interested in and you could be surprised. Yeah. There could be a different type of person there.

26:38Denis:Have we mentioned we can't mention like who we're doing No. Give it a minute. Okay. In case it all goes wrong. In case it all goes to shit. It's nearly agreed. I have to sign that document. Okay great. But yeah that'll be great and then that's kind of launching us into the summer then. Yeah. and we could get them all back again then in a few months and see. We've got a few surprises down the way. We have another surprise. Someone just texted me there. Another surprise in September, nearly organised. Oh, yeah. A little something you can come and see us. Also, if you have a little venue. Yes. And you think it'll be good.

27:13Denis:Or you know someone that has a little venue and you think it'll be good. Yeah. It doesn't necessarily have to be a sit down having a podcast. We're very versatile. Yeah. Excellent hosts. We can stand up. Yeah. Yeah, and we also just want to do this because it's fun and live events are fun. Yeah. Plus, I just can't wait to drop in and potentially be, and again, you're all welcome, but potentially be the only straight man in there. Yeah. Kind of corralling around. Yeah. A lot of people shifting each other. I think it's good because you don't have stakes. Yeah, but I also mentioned this, right? I also brought this up at the time is yourself and Dec over there, right?

27:50Denis:You can have a lovely night for yourselves. I know you're left in the corner Right, no, I could If I wanted to have a lovely night too Right, yeah, yeah But it's not my bag And I'm in a very healthy relationship Yeah, yeah, yeah But you could get You could get all sorts You could have a great night for yourselves Yeah, yeah, yeah I have to head home on the bus You have to go home on the bus Home on the bus Tied to the wardrobe Yeah, tied in the t-shirts We might raffle off Dennis I'm afraid to be by cause The other one We are probably going to Raffle off Declan Yeah Can we sell raffle tickets?

28:16Denis:I need to pay for this phone Oh, Jesus This is the thing, right? We've launched bonus episodes to support the podcast And here's Mark saying I have to get a phone for£1600 I spent£100 and something Pounds yesterday Pissing around Can I just say that if you're supporting the bonus episodes That it is going towards the running cost of the podcast And not Mark just pissing£100 Up against the wall It's paying for this lamp It all costs money I had to fight a woman in Where was I? In the range for that I want to move on Oh no, you need to tell me something Oh, well I was out and about I went to social events And I was mixing with LGBTs And I was telling them about our thing And they love it So it's going to be a huge success I went to see Jinx Monsoon At Soho Theatre in Walthamstow As Judy Garland I think it's on for like two or three more nights Very, very nice I also went to see You might like this I went to see Naked Boys Reading what do you think about that is this ron seal is this does exactly what it says in the tin it's exactly what it says in the tin they come out yes they're naked and they read that's it are they reading anything or is it mostly erotica they're reading anything this is like uh but you couldn't come out and read a ladybird book like you'd have to why not you could but they're reading every what's the word event has a theme and it'll be curated by somebody but they've been doing this for years it's so it's such a good example of don't over complicate your events just make it about something and sell the tickets and the people will come you don't have to so like if you were doing like a live podcast for instance you would have it would be really silly to have stand up at the start then a guest stand up then surprise cabaret then a live podcast and blind date at the end of it that's what we did I enjoyed every fucking minute of it look at the work involved someone comes out they do a speech or something an introduction and then you have five or six people reading well I'm an avid bookworm so what were they reading They were reading books from Gaze the Word, which is a bookshop in Bloomsbury.

30:46It's been around for years from like 70s, like before things were. And it was called Gaze the Word. It's still called Gaze the Word. And at a certain time in the 80s, I think 1984, there was a huge clampdown on reading materials from the government. because there was this concern that certain books were promoting homosexuality and that there was indecent content reaching the public. So this is before the internet. This is when books were being policed by the government. You mean now? I mean like right now. I mean like right now in 2026? Right now. So this went on for years and years. And then they actually got to the point of like raiding the bookshop, taking books away and just controlling what people were able to read.

31:44So the event was people, naked people, reading books that had been kind of banned back in the 80s. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah, they were great.

31:54Denis:And what kind of books were they reading? It could be like, so there was like a pamphlet about lesbian herbal remedies. like kind of witchy herbal remedies and then oh not lesbians and witchcraft they'd hate that cancel and then there was some like naughty books like erotic stories and then just some silly kind of fiction but it was a very nice very nice event and then just all with the cloud of today kind of hanging over it all like we're in the same place those libraries those libraries have been raided now like in the reform councils they're taking the books so over yeah no sorry we live here in the uk yeah they have banned um the some sort of squirrely language in a lot of the councils they've banned the flying of flags yes that only represent subsets of society yeah which the english flag wouldn't fall into no that represents everyone right wink wink um so that's a handy one then for this month because they can't fly any of the flags Yeah, so in a lot of places in the UK, you can't put up a pride flag in like a council building or a school or library, whatever.

33:11Or I suppose any flag that represents a minority group.

33:17Denis:I would say to all these people out there, right? Like including the people back in the 80s or any of these people that are sincerely worried, right? Yeah. that all of this literature are multicolored flags that they might because I think the fear is they might turn them gay. That must be their fear, right? That like these flags will hang around and everyone will turn gay, right? Yeah. I, in this last year or so have been on a fabulous journey, right? Still not gay. Still not gay. Look at all you've seen. And I have seen and heard lots, right? And I'm still not gay. So... And God, we've tried.

33:55Denis:I yourself and Declan have tried and others right but yeah it's almost like it's an actual thing that's just built in from birth I know and it can't be influenced I love when they say that that we're trying to um push the agenda and trying to you know teach kids to be queer like no one ever thought us who thought us and look at the way we turned out like our whole childhood was completely hidden from having any access to anything and we still yeah ended up this way do you know i saw a spider making a web the other day oh and i nearly had an existential crisis right yeah because i go i said to myself wow that's like an amazing web but who taught him how to make that web nobody nobody he just got up one day and he started doing it he just knows how to do it yeah with the little hands yeah um so that was a nice that was a nice event but it was a who's who at the naked boys reading and you know what I'm like when I walk into the public eye I was flustered there was a lot of gays there that I would have known 10 years ago and they're a bit older than me and I just don't know where they went I don't see them anymore and they were at this event what's bringing them back to this?

35:11it's just a lovely evening like I can have a sit down not too late do you know like it's just a nice thing to go to it's great would you ever do it i don't know i think i'm too stressed i think i'd be too self-conscious and concerned my friend did it felix um and a few other people i knew like that i know very well what's the atmosphere right because i am sure

35:36Denis:there are definitely straight people listening to this right that will be saying the atmosphere is like no you know it does but but is it more like we're all comfortable with this yeah someone's coming out reading a book well done it's so normal and the if you see a naked person on stage for two seconds yeah and it's not sexualized and it's not whooping and hollering and like there's no reference to them being naked and it's not it's not like that at all it's so natural and you're like god we all actually have these bits and pieces here and do you know I actually the only sometimes though I think it actually works better to close it reading?

36:14Denis:no just in general on stage do you know why genuinely do you know why and this is in a pure this is not in a sexual way at all yeah sometimes when things are flopping and swinging around the place yeah it can be very distracting huge distraction yeah it can be distracting that's why I wouldn't do it oh yeah they wouldn't listen to a word I say yeah they wouldn't listen to a word I say but it was lovely all types of people it wasn't just boys as well there's women there's trans people there's nobody and that was interesting because I think we get muddled up here because we have the word boyfriend in our brand and stuff but it's not just for boys and this is an event it's called Naked Boys Reading but there was all kinds of people Where do you think that comes from?

36:56Denis:Because even when you say that like Naked Boys Reading I do I am imagining gay men at that event It used to be for sure it used to be cis men and yeah but I think the world has just moved on a bit and that's just not very interesting and we can handle it we can a lot of the crowd while gay men but there was all kinds of people there and the stage had all kinds of people performing and it was great I sometimes I have such a clear thought and then I go to say it and then I realise it's all being recorded I think it's kind of lovely sometimes to maybe retain words like boys and stuff in a nice way even if they can be unfortunately a little bit exclusionary to some people but like if they're done in a nice tone like our stuff is your internet boyfriends right But anyone can be a boyfriend Yeah Yes Do you get what I mean?

37:50We're trying to figure this out Yeah I know Yeah But Because we say

37:54Denis:We say dadas and stuff Anyone is a dada Yeah Everyone's a dada Anyone's a daddy Yeah As well I actually can't say that word Daddy That word it really Makes me Oh Feel Cringe Oh A little bit Quiver Yeah Yeah Yeah, so that's a very good example of that. Because they could have gone down the road of branding change, naked people reading or something, and it's just boring. I think it works. For me, I like the way some words sound. Do you know, like... Yeah. Like, just focus on the word boy, like boy. Yeah. It's like boy, naked boys reading, whatever. Yeah. You know? But then, again, there are far more important things out there than me liking something that sounds a little...

38:40Denis:Yes. You know, that sounds nice. Exclusionary Okay What else do we have to talk about? Can you please tell me About this I'm going to tell you About a show I'm watching In a minute But can you please tell me About this This tattoo Oh sorry So Well it's not really That much of a story But it's just I I was Accidentally Assumed to be A member of the far right Can I tell you If you've forgotten This has kind of happened to you before In smaller ways this happens quite a lot first of all it happens on my tours quite often have i said this before where i'll have you've said that bit i've said this before where i'll have people just small chit chatty and then they'll just throw in the transphobia or the racism yeah yeah assume the most recent reference was talk doing a tour nice couple from australia in their 50s talking, talking about London and oh, it's an awful place and everything's gone bad.

39:45And then I said something about the mayor and I said the mayor's name which was Sadiq Khan. Oh, sure. And she said, what's his name? I said, Sadiq Khan. And she rolled her eyes and that was it. That said enough to me. But I was I won't give you the ins and outs but there was ins and outs a couple of weeks ago with a new friend and the lights were low and I suppose the angles were distorted I think I see where it's going and I very erotically you can imagine the show that I put on would have removed my blouse

40:35Denis:and I got a bath right and i have a tattoo

40:42on my breast which i can show to the camera if anyone is watching on the thing can i see this here

40:48Denis:it's all over the world for anyone listening it looks like a cross but then it's bent at points oh no sorry i have a black like graphic tattoo which is very complicated deep meaning thing nobody knows what it means but I suppose at a glance in a low light and if you were flushed in your blurred vision blurred? you know it could be after a lot yeah you tranquilise if you're tranquilised by Mark's beauty no you could accidentally I think in all fairness if you rip the top off I probably would be like that's not one of those unless can I say the word? I don't think I should say the word I don't think we should either but unless but it's a cross that we don't ever want to see yeah which actually has its origin somewhere completely different of course and actually if you go down to the soap bank I know yeah and you pop up on somewhere near the it's not near the National Theatre it's the other one yeah down close to that there's a lovely fountain up there With little crosses Yeah from its like actual origin But the funniest thing was My new friend Didn't say anything For a while Oh did he like progress?

42:14And then afterwards That's even worse Revealed that they had a slight concern For a few minutes But did they? But then realised it was okay That it was not that

42:26Denis:So I was just saying right Are we talking in riddles? Does everyone know? No everyone knows Okay But if you took your top off, I would not think that it's that. But you might. Wait, no, wait. Unless I thought you were previous to this. And you're like, oh, well, that makes sense. Jesus Christ. So I don't know what you were saying before. Okay. There's no room in this country anymore. Yeah. I don't know. I suppose you might give off like. Okay. now. German? That's fine. At best. That's okay. You know? But, uh... I think it was a poor choice shaving either side of your moustache. That way to give me away.

43:11Denis:Shut up! But the more you... When you're in a funny situation, the more you describe trying to talk yourself... Oh, yeah. Or you're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Palms start sweating, and you're like, I've never even read it. There's nothing you can say. Wait, but Are you telling me so though, right? That this person saw it Like this is the biggest compliment In the world to you, by the way Saw it Wasn't sure Said Carried on Carried on That's very bad for that person But then realised But how, when did they realise? Well, I don't know But sure they were probably Twisted around, were they? Thinking to themselves Was that Okay Wait, do you know what I mean though?

43:57Have you never looked up and seeing a poster on a wall or something or a flag or a book. Or a feckin' a coat hanging on the door and you think someone's at the end of your bed. No, no, no. I mean if you're in a stranger's house and you're like God. Like you see a book or something

44:15Denis:and you're like, oh, what are their views? I was in a very posh house, right? No connection to anyone I know. I just happened to be in this house and I always look at the bookshelf like give an idea of the person and And some of the books on Southern Africa were horrendous. And I was like, well, I know where you're after coming from. But yes, I do. So they had a look at the chest and thought. Anyway, that's it. Did you have anything else up on the shelves? Do you know, I'll tell you, my friend is a history teacher, right? And I love like anything World War II all over, right? I actually have to stop reading it.

44:51Denis:I have to give myself breaks, right? So my friend, big history buff. and one of the biggest or one of the best books I find anyway of an account of the whole thing is the raw of the raw is the rise and fall of the third yes kingdom right whatever okay right you can start that word because I don't want to get flagged for anything I think it's by William H. Shire I think brilliant right it's like from start to finish really really good to be honest I don't know how accurate it is but it's amazing right you have to make a decision at the start of the book do I read the footnotes or do I just read the book because you can't do both it's so much right so I said to this guy I said to my friend uh who lives in America and I was staying with him I said I'm gonna get this book because it's the best book ever on this book for some unknown fucking reason they decided that it would be good to have on the sleeve a massive symbol oh the cross uh uh the cross on the front the cross on the side on the spine and a cross on the back okay right so he had a girl coming over no and he was like Jesus Christ like the thing was on the bookshelf so he whipped off the sleeve right and he like you know fucked it away or whatever right and he put it back up in the bookshelf she rocks in little did he know that those images were embossed on the book so she's a she left didn't go quite well and he looks up at the shelf and there's the lad oh up in the shelf she's seen it probably said nothing well at least that's what he said okay are we coming across we're gonna do our bonus now in a little while if you want to pop over.

46:26Denis:I want to talk about, well, it was what we are going to talk about. I'm going to talk about surviving on an island, just the two of us. Oh. Okay. Okay. Right. So that's. How will I charge my phone? Real, but you won't be able to. Oh, and also what I want to talk about as well in the bonus episode is I want to answer the question that a lot of men, gay men, have and have in roundabout ways said to me. Yeah. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? so I'm not going to reveal that in this episode but I will do it in the bonus episode and I delve into that question a bit more what are your what are your what have you to gain here yeah what are you getting out of it what are you getting out of it what are you trying to get out of it yeah how are you using me to your own personal gain and how I'm just this is what the community is saying yeah not me and also none of them are saying it in the way of that's why you're doing this yeah Right?

47:25Denis:And it's not everyone, loads of people are lovely and supportive, but there are a few, few detectives out there now that the podcast has grown bigger, are going, what are you up to? And the other question is, how on earth could we have possibly met? Yeah, people don't get that. They cannot handle it. No, they don't. They don't get it. How could you have ever... The only origin story that they can handle is if we grew up next door to each other. Other than that, could not have happened. How could two white men the same age from the same country living in the same city doing the same job on the same small circuit?

48:00How could they possibly have anything in common?

48:02Denis:All those questions answered in our bonus episode. Great. Okay, come on over for a bonus episode on headstuffplus.com where you can come on a second date with your internet boyfriends and hear all the dirt that we're not allowed to tell here to the general public. We have new episodes every Thursday. if you have a comment question or story send us a dm on instagram or tiktok lovely