#76 Explosive diarrhea has hit the community

0:00Oncology is a key focus for Pfizer. With 40 % of R &D devoted to the oncology space, Pfizer is committed to advancing cancer care for your patients. Learn more at cancer.fizer.com. 31st of July. Gay speed dating is happening. It's booking. The people are coming. I've seen the list. There's a lot of nice people. Hotties are coming. So book your tickets. It's at the Ministry of sound, south central London with Friend of Doherty. Loads of gifts loads of goodies in the bag loads of enhancing supplements

0:34Denis:which I will be taking on the night before I go on stage and you can get your tickets on yourinternetboyfriends.com Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends Hello Mark T Cox. Hello Dennis Lynn This week we're talking about Cocoa Shells England in the World Cup and getting sucked out of planes And I'll be telling Dennis all about the meaning of getting a tattoo of the wrist This show is part of the Headstuff Podcast Network Every now and then I fall apart Hi Mark Hello I was listening, I was blaring Metallica in the changing room In our dressing rooms just before this Just get into the form Which one?

1:14Denis:What was I listening to? Of Wolf and Man Do you know it? Do you ever listen to any Metallica? What do they have? No, that doesn't count. That wouldn't be in it. What? They wouldn't have come out. Oh, you're more of my chemical romance. Yeah, yeah. Ah, yes, yes, yes. Wrong God. Do you know, have you... Are they welcome to the jungle? No, that's Guns N' Roses. But I was listening to that earlier as well. Anyway, look, our audience won't like any of that chat. No. Do you know what they might like? What? My nose. Your nose? It's a bit pink. Why do they like that? Did you see it? No. Well, I don't know.

1:48I was wearing glasses all weekend. Oh, you've got a pink ridge. And now I have a pink nose. No of a white White ridge

1:55Denis:I don't think I've ever Looked at so I don't never look At people's noses That closely It's pretty rouged Now from the sun I forgot I was all action This weekend I haven't slept now In three weeks I'm really gone Quite mad I had loads of birthdays This weekend Will I tell you Go on We named the mouse Like winning streak And happy birthday We had Anthony At a birthday Little house party a little luncheon. Happy birthday to Tony. Anthony. We had Alex had a little birthday a little pub a little birthday. We had Felix happy birthday had a little gathering in the park a little birthday happy birthday.

2:35And we had DVD then had a little birthday kind of out went to a show and stuff. Big week. I went to none of them. You went to none of the birthdays? I couldn't.

2:44Denis:What? Why did you say they're birthdays if you went to none of them? There was too many. You're four and you didn't make any of them. I went to half one. Did you really though? What were you doing that you couldn't make their birthdays? I was working Or I was tired You were working at 9 o 'clock at night? I was No, there were daytime Oh, London of course In the park There were daytime And I was busy Roasting I don't know why there were so many all at once Did you get them a gift? No No Why are we talking about their birthdays If you didn't go to them Well I just want to acknowledge that They happened They might be listening now This is like the estranged father Sending like, you know The biggest toy they can get I have a lot of people telling me that they're upset that they've not been mentioned on the podcast.

3:27Denis:But if they do something interesting, they'll get mentioned. But they've earned it. Yeah, if they call over or something. I know. I have two things to talk about. Okay. One is rings. Oh. And the other one is this amazing, because we were touching it at the start, about gats. Yeah. This amazing trend. Gats. Say it again. Gats. Filthy old gats hanging around schmoking. my nasal passage is completely wrecked anyway gats right there's a great trend going around now which I fully support where the partners of men dress up as goth and surprise them oh and they rock into a date or whatever dresses and all and all goth and these are women these are women yeah and the men want that I don't know they haven't asked for it but that's what they do they're rocking dresses and all goth or to surprise him like as a he'll be horrified no no no he'll like it probably a sexy goth a sexy one yeah I mean how would you react I don't know I actually had to think about it and I was like and I wasn't even going to mention it on the podcast just in case it happened because you know you want that to happen when you want that to happen have you ever done that kind of dressing up making up names pretending what do you mean like I'll meet you in the the Citizen M and I'll pretend my name is Oh I have done that yeah Tom Yeah yeah No I I've done the thing to be honest right that's actually just too much work but I've done the thing where you pretend you're flirting with them like you never met Oh that's nice Yeah so do that at the bar But I've also run into problems with that where the people around you don't know that you're with them and so I would obviously act as a bad sleazy flirter and they actually think it's happening and then you know someone next to her will go Get away from her you creep She's calling Angela

5:23Denis:oh dear but would you be into making up dressing up the goth man

5:34I'm trying to think I used to I don't think I would be you used to be into goth? yeah yeah there was lads there was lads with eyeliner and funny smoky eyes yeah i don't think i think now depends what age you are it could oh but that's the thing though isn't it like you know bit

6:00Denis:teenager-y but if a lad calls into you and he's dressed as a got and you have to watch 36 years old and his name is barry like and you have to sit down and watch a movie with him or something you know and you're just sitting next to him you look over him you go you know he just looks like he's from kiss or something you're just like or if you're very i think at this age it's hard if you're very old maybe and you were part of the rock and roll scene or something there's a few characters like that you find them around town yeah they'd be popping up to events and stuff and they've they've always dressed like that i don't mind the i don't mind the old rocker right yeah They're always going to be around.

6:38The 36-year-old got Twinkie. I think that's got an expiry date, doesn't it? Be dragged. Who's going to drag you? Everyone should dress how they want to dress. Who's going to drag you? They should. They should. At their peril. I wouldn't be chasing.

6:56Denis:If someone dresses as a gott, no, they'll get mentioned on the podcast. That's right. So if they want to go do that. That's right. The second thing I want to talk about is rings. Oh. I don't know how you thought you were going to have this conversation beforehand and not have me pick up on it. Yeah. Did we mention anything about rings, tattoos? Oh, and the arm? Yeah, which... Oh, were you listening to that? I was inside behind the curtains, my dressing room. So explain what you're talking about. Well, this is controversial because it has different, I think there's different meanings and things.

7:28So I don't want to speak out of place. But often in the community, you might see a man with a tattoo ring around either his wrist or maybe halfway up the arm or maybe up near the elbow. Right. And sometimes I think it's just kind of a decoration.

7:52Denis:Could we just give the listeners out there, right? Because our very innocent producer had no idea either, right? oh yeah he's laughing way over there i know but he had no idea yeah i knew just give yourself a second listener what do you think that might signify so it's like it's like a bracelet yeah tattooed a permanent bracelet onto either your wrists yeah or further up the arm yeah i'll give you a clue if you're doing like the long jump right and you run along and you jump up and then someone puts a mark in the sand that's the furthest you went that's the furthest you went but I thought it was phrased very and we'll tell you what it is in a second but I thought it was phrased very funnily by Yee because you said that's as far as he can go and I'm like that's not as far as he can go sure anyone could you know well you're relying on the friend you're relying massively on the friend I think it's actually more the achievement of the friend what could they get tattooed up the measurement up their back up their back up their back

8:58Denis:a line on their back what's that for it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it's a tramp stamp yeah so what is it well it's just a measure isn't it it's the measure the indicator the indicator yes of the arm yeah yeah that's enough achieved the distance reached that's the one though that is just that's new for you it's not new it's not new now you'll be looking for all the lads but I think people have that tattoo for different reasons and it's a shame if they don't i don't know because it's just like i think i think a lot of definitely you know you might see like a straight man who might be a builder yeah who has kind of like a semi-tribal you know appropriated rings around their arms yeah yeah yeah kind of a native american yeah pattern little does he know that he has other people looking at him going god he's fisted up that far that's amazing all the way up it's not amazing to the elbow again just another one for me that i would struggle to um no it's it's just it's just a difficult one like there's a lot of admin in that i assume there's a lot of admin yeah there's a lot of work a lot of work involved like the payoff would want to be humongous yeah there's festivals is there there's parties respond there's in this you put the wristbands halfway up your arm yeah what's there's clubs there's clubs there's um there's events gatherings there's whatsapp groups it's a whole world people are what's the whatsapp group called so people get very into something and it just takes over their life yeah it's not like trains though america kind of is i have friends who kind of is what they like establish their personality with it yeah this is my kink this is my thing and everything i do is around this which is grand but god you know yeah go for a walk straight yeah did you ever do the long jump going back to that uh back in school we had a long jump did you have because not not every school had it we had it from back when like the brothers ran the school yeah yeah you know what i mean no for any of our American listeners that means the priests the priests yeah um were you Christian brothers yeah uh former former yeah former um but yeah this was in the primary school and they had like a concrete base outside with a bit of sand in the middle of it yeah it was a proper one yeah um and sure you think like oh I could do that because I'm I'm long and tall then I start I've got a foot in front of it.

11:39Denis:It's hard to do it. It's very hard to do it but it's a whole thing to it right? Yeah. Like you have to kind of you know make sure you can enter correctly and stuff and There's a run. Yeah so we have to take a run up to it. A skip. Yeah. And a jump. Yeah you have to know where you're going. Yeah we had a long jump but it was never used. It's like there was often a grant to kind of promote particular sports at certain times and there was money there to build very particular facilities. We had a handball alley. I was going to mention handball alleys. Across the nation of Ireland. They are like...

12:16Denis:They're all closed up. Some like Neolithic tombs or something like that. They're everywhere in Ireland. No one plays it. No. I always thought they were half-finished houses. Yeah, they're very funny. Handball must have been the most popular sport in the country at one point. And then they kind of built all the things in the trend past. Yeah, yeah. And now they just all over. what's the name of the fisting group? Stop. Come on, do they have a funny name? I actually don't know. Do they have a funny name? Probably not. It's probably something kind of indirect because you'd get flagged. Oh, really?

12:49So it's probably something like that. I suppose it can't pop up at home when they're sitting down with their wife watching Coronation Street. You'd get flagged.

12:56Denis:I'll investigate. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, yeah. I thought we were going to have a lovely chat this week. I sound probably a little bit judgy on this. oh yeah but I just I find that one like do you wear a hat what gloves but I'm wearing fisting a hat because like you could like you like I assume right putting putting any yeah it's a there's risk training yeah I imagine involved there's you don't you don't just jump in yeah I think that's why people are so protective of it and they're so particular and because I don't know there's like a world around it and you have to go to your classes and get very caught up in it whereas other things you could just give it a bash you don't need to really learn.

13:50Denis:I suppose if you've invested that much into it. It becomes the life Yeah you know you think well just keep going Move on The dirty looks I'm giving you Were you watching the football? I love the football Yeah Do you know what I can say about the football What They close the roads now Where After the football It's not in America isn't it No here Oh right I was on a bus I went to I went to half of a birthday Yeah And in an LGBT space And they put on the football Hmm So I left And then on the bus home The bus was diverted on detour On diversion Because What's happened When the match finishes everyone comes out on the street jumping.

14:35Denis:Oh, right, yeah, yeah. And shouting. Yeah. And hopping. And they block the roads. Yeah. Or they block your bus. So they started diverting the buses in advance. Oh. Kind of assuming that they're shouting and jumping. So my bus had to go around. I'd love to be part of it. I'd love to be happy for them. Jumping in the street. I love it. Who, English people? Yeah, I'd love to be happy. I can't now if they win. Oh, my God. I can't. Wait now. so this oh we don't know this is Thursday so right now recording this they're into semifinals against Argentina last night Argentina are heavily hated are they?

15:12Denis:in the World Cup yeah and they're not good no they're good but oh the organisation FIFA they're not the most yeah straightforward yeah and there is whispering that they kind of want to script these tournaments so the likes of Messi and stuff get very far into the competition okay Plus the Argentinians. There's no defending yourselves on this, lads. You're a bit racist at the tournaments. Against who? Everyone. Oh. I don't know anything about this. So there's been a couple of things. I mean, a lot of things with that. So have they been fiddled? Fiddled? To win? Or fiddled to lose? Fiddled to win.

15:53Denis:To benefit who? To benefit just the story of football. You know, like Messi wins. He's worth a lot of money. Okay. And all sorts of things. Who's he? He's... You don't know who Messi is. I do but does he play for an English thing as well? No he plays over in Spain Spain yeah you don't know who he is but I give you a good fact about him you can tell us some soccer person okay right so he's called Lionel Messi yeah right do you know who he's named after? Leona Lewis I don't know do you know who he's named after? they won't believe you throw this trivia to someone I won't he's he actually his name is actually pronounced Lionel Lionel Oh.

16:34Denis:After Lionel Richie. Okay. Because his mother was a big Lionel Richie fan. That's nice. And named him Lionel, but then everyone calls him Lionel Messi. I know. Okay. He's like the most famous footballer of all time. No, I know. I know. Yeah. You don't have to know these things. I know of him, kind of. The nephews to be. They're all swapping the cards. Yeah. They're big into that. Did you not do that when you were younger? No. So he's from Argentina? Yeah, he's from Argentina. You have to be from the place to play for the place. and then he plays for a Spanish thing as well yeah separate so if he wins that's good and who else well no but you see Argentina are playing England so we kind of we want Argentina to win now yeah yeah so Argentina are playing in the semi-finals and then we got Spain and France on the other side Spain and France yeah and who would we like well France are like the best team by far we like France they're ridiculous could it be England against France then yeah it could be England to get France to the final.

17:32Oh. I can't. I'd like Spain. Yeah. Do I? I don't know. I couldn't care less. It's been going on. So anyway, last night, we don't know what's happened yet recording this, but it could be over. It could be all over. Or focus. When is the final? If it's... I actually don't know. I can't remember the final. Get me out. I might leave London.

17:58Denis:I'd be out. I'd be out. I couldn't do it. Imagine how many times we'd have to listen to It's Coming Home. It's Coming Home, Wonderwall. Nah, nah. What's that one? The Beatles. Nah, nah. Beatles. Hey Jude. But that's because of Jude Bellingham as well. Because a player who's very good at plays with them. So they sing Hey Jude. Oh. You'd like their songs. Their songs are very inventive. The songs are very wedding. Bidda, bidda, da-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na. that yeah you know do you like that what else do they have seven nation army as well who picks those songs um so as far as i know with a lot of these songs they're picked so like the ones that you know you hear the very clever chants and stuff have you heard those you know where they sing like they change the words yeah you know like steve gerard gerard we kick the ball 60 hours i can't remember what song is so they make up all these songs but they're done by the like the fan clubs i think okay and then they're like dispersed out as this is going to be the song we're going to sing it blah blah why don't you like that how is that any different right to a group of twinks getting together or forming a choir and singing in you know dawson or whatever do you mean and they're singing their songs there's still aggression behind it even when it's a fun little song there isn't in some of them there isn't i heard one today and it was um uh tall of clips of the heart written about one of the players it was brilliant R.I.P.

19:25Denis:I know R.I.P. gone R.I.P. gone funny tiles off the map off the board right so it'll be soon enough it'll be soon enough if it happens I'll have no time to watch it anyway I'm not allowed to watch anything not allowed to watch any football you've no life you've no fun no do you know I'm here to pick a bone today do you know what's illegal or should be illegal a crime is when you offer to do a job and then someone taxed another job onto it give me the example we've no chicken for dinner don't worry I'll go down to the shop and get chicken for dinner oh when you're heading out there will you take out the bins no that's illegal yeah yeah that's not right but you're just but you're not just anything it's a big smelly old bin and then you have to take that out and then you have to put in a new bag yeah you get a new bag no bags yeah there was no bags back to the shop I have to go into the shop and get them again that's illegal I think if you're if you're to make anything work in life you have to or in any relationship you give one job and that's it I know but you're going I don't believe it but you're only agreeing to go to the shop would you get the text when you're in the shop yeah all the time yeah 47 missed calls could you pick oh calls yeah text and then 47 missed calls and you're hands full of yeah you're walking out you're walking out the door then you've lined up for 10 minutes and you're walking out and you're going I never got the paprika I'm going to be shot I'd be buying washing tablets every week they're so expensive yeah this is why people need to come over to the bonus episode and support us so Mark can buy more washing up tablets non-stop I get up, I say I'm going to put on a wash no tablets big huff, big sigh my day is ruined down the stairs out the door into the shop get the tablets could I buy a big box of tablets?

21:22not all I'll buy 10 yeah 10 tablets in a box

21:25Denis:at an extortionate price in a corner shop 5.49 yeah 7.8 maybe 8.50 and then they're gone again in a week this goes on and on and on would you do anything then to resolve that? no just keep going would you never just buy like 200 of something? do you remember before like Christ your mother would have a box of Daz the size of half a house. Size for herself. Yeah. She'd be digging into it with her hands. Scooping into it. She'd fucking throw it into the washing machine. Like a cup. Yeah, yeah. But you'd be able to do it because you'd have so much daz. You know, just have a gravy bowl just throwing it into the washing machine.

22:01Denis:Throw it in, hop it in. Yeah. And do you ever see, I can't iron the way my mother can iron either. Oh, speedy. Like speedy and whacking it down and, you know, like ironing about 40 shorts in 30 seconds. Yeah. beads of sweat for watching EastEnders. Turn them out. Yeah? Yeah, we make a big job of everything.

22:25Do you know what I'm thinking now because I didn't take out the recycling? That's because you've got a small bin. A small bin. Should we tell them about our big event? How much time do we have before the break? Six minutes to tell them. We had our beautiful event last week. Oh, we did, yeah. We forgot about it. Boys, boys, boys, gallery. Boys, boys, boys, boys boys boys boys full to the rafters rammed yep packed roasting full of

22:50Denis:beautiful people I have a question for you I fancied them all you did fancy them all you let them know as well there was a few beaming up at us yes but you also said that we mentioned subs and doms at one point I did by accident you mentioned substitutes in football yeah you can find you can actually listen to all that in the bonus episode we have it up oh yes after this you can pop over there and listen to the whole thing. But I mentioned subs in football and then I think you may have said afterwards that were you familiar with someone in the audience? What did I say? No, I said that you could spot them.

23:27Denis:Oh, right, yeah. In the crowd. No, let's not go over the same conversation but I thought you in particular Oh, there was a few familiar faces. Okay, that's the question. There was a few familiar faces in the crowd. There was a few fans in the room. and that's lovely to see smiling up beady eyes they were trying to make the eyes as wide as possible did you see that like the pupils gone mad did you enjoy it? I did yeah I did yeah I felt very important and I felt very famous and I liked and we need to do a bit more of this getting them to kind of talk to each other a bit because there was a few people there on their own and I noticed them kind of like chatting to other people then during the break.

24:17That was nice. There was a few pigs. Also? Yeah, who I didn't realise. I didn't realise and then they, you know, they like tag you in a picture or something afterwards and then you go back through the chat and you're like, oh my God. There's been chats here a while ago. That was nice. I loved it. It was kind of perfect. I've nothing to complain about there's always a drama with these events or something it just was great we had the gang there I thought you caught me out

24:48Denis:quite badly though what's that when you said would I ever do a photo shoot oh yeah and then got me to explain what the photo shoot would be oh yeah yeah and we turned up on some sort of my shorts falling down sliding off the chairs and the heat then the heat was the heat was bad they all turned up though yeah I wouldn't have blamed anyone if they collapsed yeah yeah like the heat was that bad they liked that vision and then it's a very arousing setting because there's art all over there's willies all over the wall not as many as there were as the last time though yeah they were reduced yeah but they I loved it we have should we tease them go on we have another something similar well no we shouldn't tease them yet not yet we need to we need to point them towards the gay speed dating on the 31st of July yeah get your tickets that's a whole different my god that's a that's a big deal yeah But there's another little, maybe intimate podcast in a few months soon.

25:44Speed dating. I'm getting a lot of messages. Good. People are very, yeah, they're worked up.

25:55Denis:They're worked up. They all just think they're going to go dating with you. You know that, right? I know. Here, we take a little break. Take a little break. Hello. If you're listening on Spotify, if you wouldn't mind to, hit the button there to give us a five star review and follow thank you very much oh hello to the listeners we have some big important things to discuss in the second half how did we forget what diarrhea is on the rise i don't want to talk about this it's on the rise watch out it's coming to an arse near you i'm gonna say something outrageous oh here we go go on get stuck in now this might backfire

26:42Denis:okay that's too long of a silence I I unfollowed oh no maybe oh I know what you're going for can I say it can we maybe I won't say who it is I unfollowed a prominent LGBT media outlet today because I don't trust their motives. I won't say who it is. It's probably more fun to... No, no, I'm not going to either. But considering there are about four, three or four big ones. Yeah, there's only a couple. Wouldn't have to have an old Sherlock Holmes. But I've noticed this one particular LGBT media outlet is posting headlines about topics that are like yeah they're important but the wording and the dramatization of the topics are just perfect for people who hate us to get outraged and to reshare and pass it around and i'm sick of it but you know what if i was to guess right there they are in their newsroom all sitting around the desk and they go which one's performed really well yeah oh well it was this one performed really well and it's like okay but who's reading it oh no ignore that bit yeah let's not worry about who's it's all these um white men over 65 no no no no uh just just put out another one so i get it i don't like it so they had one the other day which now this is not a funny topic kind of is funny but there i mean we're trying our best here and then some things come along and they set us back a bit but there there's many sexual health crises in the world and there's a particular one at the moment which is i guess it's shigella or it's it's related to that i have absolutely no idea and it just gives you an upset tummy what's shigella it's a virus thing is it a virus is it a virus it's just a disease it that you it just gets passed around but that's fine sorry In full knowledge that this could be edited out Yeah I have my new drag name Oh It's been done What?

29:01Denis:Sheila Geller? Oh No that's good I thought you were going to say Sigella Lawson No no no Sheila Geller That's nice Anyway And that's fine But This media outlet Had a huge headline of It was basically like Gay Diarrhea Spreading Through Like And then two men in a slow motion kissing. And it was like, this is so graphic. And for people who don't like us, they're going to run with that. They think we're horrible perverts anyway. Gay diarrhea floods London. Yeah. Alert. Gays are kissing and giving each other diarrhea. Like, shut up. There's ways to word this, to make a public health announcement. That's good.