#81 Mark gets a nosebleed at the worst possible time

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0:53Denis:Chevrolet. Together let's drive. Hey Mark, what are you doing on the 1st of October? Oh, Dennis Len, I'll be at the Roses of El Gabalus. Oh my God, I'll be there too, because we're doing a live podcast. Live podcast. No, they'd want to get their tickets fairly quickly. Where is it on? It's on the Roses of El Gabalus. Very good. Yeah, I got there. Tickets are flying. It's a hot, sexy, queer clubhouse in Dalston. By the time you hear this, it might be sold out. But if it's not, it's only£15. you can get your ticket on yourinternetboyfriends.com and also on the night not only do you get to ask us questions not only do you have to hear stuff you'll never hear anywhere else but you'll be able to get a little boyfriend cocktail as well you can order one of those oh first of october see you there welcome to this week's episode of your internet boyfriends hello mark t cox hello dennis len this week we're talking about warhammer motorbikes and sonic the hedgehog and i'll be giving dennis an update on my thick luscious hair This show is part of the Headstuff Podcast Network.

2:24Denis:the drag queens call there? A unit? A unit, yeah. Or a hat? I've got a unit. Big old unit. But no, I look like the fella from Stranger Things. Have you seen him? I don't know anything about Stranger Things. People keep telling me things about us. I'm absolutely melting, Mark. So we're back in the heat. I was in Ireland at the weekend. They're all giving out about the heat. They're not like we have. 25, 26 degrees. It's like walking into an oven. It's like walking into a volcano. Women going down to the butchers And their thongs in Ireland No butcher you couldn't cook Couldn't cook can't walk Cold meats and I'm here in 30 I think what was it 36 here 37 42 degrees Fucking hell everything's burnt And Yeah it's coming again Or we just had it there's two or three more We're in the middle of the fifth one now We're in the fifth one now And I'm flying to Japan Which is considerably hotter is it?

3:23yes Japan is in the grips oh lord of another heatwave as well but I feel like the Japanese they're great you've a lot of respect

3:34Denis:for the Japanese don't you? the Japanese are great for figuring things out and adapting so you'll be walking down the street there's mist coming out of buildings there's people standing outside train stations smiling and waving and handing you cold face towel things. Lovely. Our version of that, I suppose, is like a lush shop pumping out the smell of soap. Yeah, make you sick. And get sick. There was a court case in Cork about that back in the day. It is heavy. There was a lush shop pumping out the smell out into the street to get people in. Yeah. But they were next door to a solicitor and he was getting sick of it because he was choked inside with what do they call it?

4:18Denis:You know, bath bombs and all this stuff. And he accused them of pumping it out they were saying they weren't pumping it out and they got caught for it and they stopped doing it they are pumping it yeah pumping it do you know who else is pumping it who you I'd say you are at the weekend now because you're wrecked today you're wrecked I say the hair is beautiful yeah the hair really is beautiful there's a lot of pumping opportunities coming away the hair is causing an awful lot of distractions but the pumping on the Kingsland Road my my hellscape that I have to walk down every day. We got a lot of how could I describe new business in the last four to five years.

4:59A lot of new developments big new shiny apartments and the ground floor retail spaces have been occupied by a particular F &B. Do you know what that means? A food and beverage. A particular type of F &B where it's catering to the late teens, early 20s male. Do you know those F &B? I don't. Hot wings. Oh. Burgers. Oh, yeah, yeah. Pounded fries. It's all very like... It's all kind of like... Come burgers and like, you know, all this stuff. Neon lights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And kind of black painted walls. Everything's kind of... Like, oh, can I get the We Hate Women salad and all that stuff. Wait, do you know what they do?

5:45They pump out the smell of the chicken from the kitchen. they have they've designed the air vents so they pump the kitchen out onto the street so you smell the wings going down the street and you're a devil for wings I love the wings but the thing is also the heat from the kitchen it's been pumped out so you're walking down Kingsland Road it's 45 degrees and the heat of the kitchen is also with chicken being pumped onto the face you've got to blast the chicken wing heat it's fucking torture and not a bit of grass or a tree so all the trees and grass are gone concrete just reflecting all it and then there's a bus roaring because the buses are struggling the buses can't handle the heat the buses are sweating the buses have you heard the engines on the buses they are fucking dying trying to

6:30Denis:I saw a bus panting going up the hill the other day they're fucked so they're roaring and the chicken is pumping out onto the street what a fucking time to be alive it's very tired come back stinking a chicken and bus fumes yeah what's your favourite F &B my favourite food and beverage place You're walking down the street You're grabbing a snack I don't want to This will really give me away This will really give me away Smash burger Double patty Pounded Double patty mama wobber Pussy patty pounded Smash Big balls Probably big balls Big balls cream pie shake Yeah Something like that Or maybe A sloppy A sloppy joe Yeah Dripping Do you like the ones I like the men The food influencers men who try to bite a burger and it's like they're attacking like a wild bear.

7:21They have to lift and it's like dripping down. Do these people

7:24Denis:know that their main audience are gay men? Do they know? They put such a dance into the, taking a bite of the chicken burger. I had a burger at the weekend and it was kind of a, it was a double patty with beans in it. Oh. It was like a sloppy Joe burger. Kind of beans. Sloppy beans, like Mexican beans Yeah yeah Thrown on top of it It was disgusting And I was eating it going Oh this is really nice Yeah that's interesting Dribbling down Horrendous In a basket What? No On a plate They just delivered it into my hands You know the way they do it now It's like on a spoon Or like a From a truck A set of dominoes or something And you go away How much?

8:06Denis:I thought it was probably 40 pounds or something for a burger No it wasn't that bad Was this at your special event? This is at my special event Which I'll talk about later I have the best news in the world Tell us about it now who is the most famous person you've ever met paul mescal is it yeah without a doubt um just to give it a yeah you think sorry i know he's not that no he is he's a megastar he's huge yeah he's huge he's in the fucking beatles movie right but who who's the most famous person anyone you know has met i'd have friends who've done a bit of something with beyonce Okay Who'd be A small bit above Paul Miskun A little bit yeah I think she would be So they met Beyonce Like she's a different level You're talking to a person right now Who has met a person More famous than Beyonce I don't believe it At the weekend Now I am going to be Deeply Deeply hurt And may Just give up on this whole podcast If you don't know who this person is Is it a sport?

9:13Denis:It's not a sport. Politician? It's not a politician. Is it one of those old musician men? No. But they have some cracking songs, but it's not. What's an old musician, man? What is that? You'd be talking a lot about the rock and roll. Tom Petty and stuff. You don't know who Tom Petty is? Mark, some of this is not just being gay. It's just not knowing things. Just not having interests. But how do you not know who Tom Petty is? I wouldn't. Do you know who Stevie Nicks is? I do, yeah. Alright so Stevie Nicks And Tom Petty Okay I don't think they were ever going up But I think Tom Petty fancied her But they were doing They were doing songs and stuff together Same I wouldn't have any interest Yeah but I'd like Stevie Nicks But I wouldn't have Okay Stevie Nicks Okay But so no old musician men What about Bob Dylan Yeah well I know Who that is Yeah for sure I don't like Bob Dylan So that was a trick Okay Okay I'll give you a clue Give me a few clues Give me a clue Really fast Fast Fast Fast at thingin' Fast Running Fast Yeah at running You said not sport It's not a sport It's wave life American?

10:19I don't know

10:20Denis:They're American, I don't Would I perceive them to be American? I think most people perceive them to be American But I actually think they might be Australian or something No, I think they might be from Japan Oh Man or woman? Neither Stop Oh What? Sonic Sonic the Hedgehog She's on a big campaign Why? She's everywhere Oh just in general He or she I have no idea I think Sonic's a he Yeah What's the biological sex? It's a hedgehog So Well I didn't There was no identifiable I think he Sonic the Hedgehog I don't know Who's paying for this There's a huge push Where have you seen Sonic? All over Shoreditch Shoreditch?

11:10Pop-up campaigns Box park Takeover Posters everywhere Street art Like massive murals

11:17Denis:There's going to be a lot of people That will come at me now Right Oh I met Sonic Sonic was at my birthday party Right No you did not meet this Sonic This is the Sonic This is the Sega Sonic Sega Actual Sonic Japanese Korean God I don't know I don't know Sega I don't know Japanese Probably They're like the best at all games And stuff anyway So who knows But I met Sonic Yeah I met Sonic's Bouncer. How big is Sonic? Huge. In a suit? No, it's real. You're not allowed to refer to Sonic as anything other than Sonic when you're on Sonic. Oh. Not as fast in person. Yeah. Not as fast at all. In the heat.

11:55Denis:Quite clumsy. Had to go for water breaks every 20 minutes. Give us the setting. So this was at MotoGP in Silverstone Racetrack. You'd love it. I'd hate it. Oh you might like the pits though The pits The pits A lot of rushing around A lot of men in You know those Mechanic suits Oh tight little suits Flying around the place Yeah Motorbikes Yeah The majority of people there Were male Knee pads Knee pads The whole lot Trollies flying around the place Have they What kind of suits Do they wear Like full body ones Yeah Fuck They eat Yeah But You know I think you've got a lot in common Okay Because The hair Yeah And the fascination with rings Oh Jesus He collects rings He goes around He does He gets around Bing bing Yeah Bing bing I can see it now I played it Up and down And he rushes around a lot He rushes around a lot Yeah He could be an LGBT Never takes his time Never takes And where's he going What's he trying to achieve He's trying to Is he trying to save a girl or something No he's trying to save all the little Woodland creatures Okay Because Dr.

13:08Denis:Robotnik, you know him? Kind of. Eggman in a little rocket ship. Yeah. He wasn't our own, no, unfortunately. I see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark's a perfect interpretation of Dr. Robotnik. I played it, but I don't think I loved it. I loved it. I passed every single game. I was talking to Sonic's manager. Right? Lovely guy. Yeah. I was talking to him, and he was telling me that he's in charge of all of some of the most famous characters out there. Who do you think is the most? I don't know if you'll be able to get this Who do you think is the most In demand character Out there Like cannot get him Are they all in video game world They're not all in video game world I'll give you a clue This is a television person They're like a warehouse of these costumes And they make costumes I mean the They're not costumes Yeah yeah yeah But they would make them If they were Pikachu No not Pikachu It's pretty good though Barney You gotta think more British Barney Oh Mr.

14:01Denis:Blobby Blobby No not Mr. Blobby I don't think people hang around with him anymore I'd love to meet blobby. British. Yeah, British. Paddington. No, not Paddington. Think more cartoon, more children's TV. I couldn't tell you. Peppa Pig. Very close. I say Peppa Pig is a second. Bluey. Bluey. Bluey. Bluey is booked out for the next five years. Yeah. You can't get Bluey. Are you saying there's only one? I'm saying it's very hard to get Bluey. So even if, let's say, Bluey not be in Manchester. Because just in case there's a couple of three-year-old children listening to this podcast. I hope Bluey can Bluey can by locate right he can be in all different places all at once but I mean they're not gonna have maybe they have 10 Blueys yeah well it's a risk because that could fade yeah that hype could fade yeah that's a great job should we get into that getting into a costume yeah dressing up difficult do you know about the furries ah I don't want to talk about the furries wait now hold on to that judgement No, Mark Hold on to that Mark Put that back in the box I'm going to die on this hill Oh don't With the furries We're going to take a break No, we're not going to take a break What's wrong?

15:16They're lovely The furries They're happy out They're not Oh, this is tricky waters

15:21Denis:What do you mean? Do you know some furries? Yeah, of course What, in London? Yeah How many furries do you know? Probably not like direct friends But like, I'm aware of people And for the most part It's very innocent. It's very just like kind of cosplay, cartoon, kind of go to the conventions, dress up. It's often people who maybe struggle socially. This isn't all people, but that maybe for whatever reasons, it's a bit hard to socialize. And then this is like a very comforting way to be part of something and like go extreme and just go and hang out and go to conventions. and I think you're going straight to the dirt, to the film.

16:06They're just hanging out having a laugh. It's like cosplay, kind of. Like you have a character, you have a different persona. It's often like go sit in the park. I know exactly what a furry looks like. Eat snacks. I've never met one though. I'm going to show you some nice ones during the break. Interesting.

16:21Denis:It's the only one that I... Oh, we'll have to get someone in. It's specifically furries. Like if you dress up as a pig and you're rocking around the place or whatever, that's grand, right? I don't care. A cat's too much No no Cat's grand You want to be Whatever But it's The furry vibe Mark is But they do dress up as cats They're like cartoon Yeah but they're a certain They have a certain aesthetic to them right I don't know what you think Okay Can we go to We're going to take a break Can we go to a break And I'm just going to get up some information You get up some information Yeah And then I'll get truly cancelled And so on Reconvene No this is the point of the podcast The Your Internet Boyfriend hotline Is now open for business You can reach us on plus 44 777 69 53 292 and you can send us little texts maybe a voice note or a saucy pic absolutely no saucy pics oh we're back we're back you're just watching some furry videos I'm just watching the furries oh Mark just showed me they're so harmless Mark just showed me a video look it's nice just hanging out look Mark just showed me a video of a man being really mean to some furries.

17:36Denis:Yeah. A typical... A guy who refers to himself as a straight man. Keeps saying it. He keeps saying it, yeah, just to reinforce it. Yeah. And then that made me very defensive of the furries. Oh. You've turned now. I have turned, just because I think we should be able to live in a world where we can be a furrough. know if we the press release i think we should live in a world where we should be able to take the piss out of things without it turning into unabashed hatred and that video that that guy had was just he hates them like people hate them like but yeah but he hates them hates them like i think it's totally okay if i look at that and go god you're all a bit bonkers right in my view which could be wrong right yeah yeah but it doesn't have to turn into hate then you showed me that video and then that just unfortunately for me changed my point of view immediately because i It was just like, oh, I don't hate any of them.

18:30I know, but people, there's no middle ground anymore. That's why you have to either, it's kind of very hard to have a mild negative view on things because that just snowballs then to let's kill them. Like it's so intense. It's bizarre. That's how people feel. So when people like criticize, I'm like, well, just leave them alone because any little criticism will fuel the people who have the very, very severe views.

19:04Denis:Like, for instance, I've started painting Warhammer. What's that? You don't know what Warhammer is. Very similar. It's very similar. It's very similar. To being a furry. Little characters. It's a makeup world. What's the difference? You're painting the things, but you could just put on a suit and be the character. No, this is... It's all very linked. But this is what I'm saying, right? is in Warhammer, some people think that that's really nerdy and weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm okay with that. Yeah. Right? But it's when people are kind of calling to kill me because I like Warhammer. I'm sure.

19:38Denis:That's different, but you should be able to take the piss. You should be able to take the piss, right? It should be fine. You should be able to look at someone that does that and go, Oh, it's ridiculous. Hey, nerd, whatever, right? Totally fine. As being a nerd myself, right? That's totally fine, right? As long as it doesn't go into something bad. But then you show me that video and I'm just like, oh like why does that guy have to just turn it into this stupid so aggressive thing because that's what they get they get so much aggression um yeah all right well don't make me regret this but i know stand with furries furries please don't make me regret that please keep it together maybe i just have a innocent view as well because all i see is these conventions and little meetups and parties and it's so sweet and you know it's just me right if I'm going to a convention I don't know what videos you've seen if I'm just I've seen some good documentaries on them yeah but if I'm going to a furry convention or whatever or any convention yeah people are going around wearing masks you know it's looking for trouble oh because you're yeah that's sad doesn't it it's looking for trouble because you're expecting the worst it is yeah it is like in this world but the reason they're wearing the masks is because, you know, they're more comfortable in there than being out on the street on their own.

21:01Right. Tell me about the figurines. Faldides. So, actually, it leads on... Where is all that stuff? I've never seen it. Oh, I just put it out. I just put it away.

21:10Denis:Is there like a... Put it in the nerd closet. Is there like a... Yeah, there's little figurines in the whole shop, yeah. Okay. Paints, everything. Little soldiers? Things, but the paint colours are like, you know, called Mephiston Red. Oh. and you know all these like you know is it a sexual world? Of course it is it's really sexual it's really amped up, muscly very like male on male yeah you know and they fight each other then? yeah yeah yeah there's aliens and there's all sorts of things and Henry Cavill loves it he's going to be in a movie I'm about it he's a big warhammer guy is there a landscape?

21:48Denis:there is you can do whatever you want imagine like an old lad and his shed back in the 50s making trains and putting little models together and whatever. Lovely. It's just that. It is the most relaxing thing in the entire world. I love doing it except when I feel rage when I colour in something wrong. But I just wanted to bring people because people love the comparison between our lives sometimes and I just want to bring in the comparison between our lives when on Friday night No. I was sitting here right painting but what's weird is Abort. Painting some Abort. Painting some Warhammer models. part that conversation and I was painting them a lot of these guys they're called they're called world eaters right so there's a lot of like blood and stuff involved in them so you paint on the blood whatever and that's what I was doing on my Friday night Have you music in the background?

22:35Denis:No music in the background just myself just myself lovely That's insane So there's a lot of red in my world on Friday that's what I was doing What were you doing on Friday? What did you message me at 8 o 'clock in the morning on a Saturday morning? I can't remember. Do you not remember? How do you not remember? In the group? Yeah, you popped it into the group. I wake up. I think it's going to be some sleep. I'm often meaning to tell Declan stories and I forget. This is a good paragraph of text. What happened to you? I can't remember. Did you have any sort of nose leakage?

23:20Denis:how'd you forget this stuff I did forget 8 o 'clock in the morning I had a nose blute you did in a moment of romance you did I did and then later on I got a text from someone to say that they had found oh on their nose oh my god they had found it yeah so wait did you send them off did you send them off no no no I realised I was like I have to run away now for a minute they heat and you know when you're kind of upside down yeah or not upside down but kind of like a jug It's just flowing out Because you're cartwheeling around the place That was quite a So I'm at home painting Warhammer Yeah You're at home painting In your own little way And how did you like broach that one then?

24:31I just had to run off And say I'm sorry I have to run away for a minute Sorted out Did I ever I never get nosebleeds though

24:40Denis:Is that stress? Or heat? Heat probably heat and friction thrust yeah the blood vessels I'm going to tell you a saucy story yeah I've never told this story in the podcast might have to edit it out afterwards who knows yeah so I was at the hotel this is the hotel thing I was trying to remember earlier on when I was talking to you yeah so we went to a hotel at the weekend beautiful hotel built in the middle of nowhere but it was really nice we rock in there and again we're like this is a hotel going to have a little bit of fun to ourselves nice cotton sheets yeah Right? Let's get moving. She likes to turn on the television in the hotel.

25:18Denis:It's one of her favorite things to do. So you turn on the television. You put on Channel 4 or BBC or something with, you know, Pointless is on. Things you'd never, ever watch. But it's like a little bit of background music. A little bit of... It gets her going. A little white noise. No, just in general. Just settles her down, right? The chase. Right? We're having a little kiss. She's after turning on 24 hours in A &E. and all that I'm hearing on the side of my ear is it was a head-on collision. Yeah. You know, and he hasn't spoken. Four-year-old child died. And he hasn't spoken in six months. No.

25:53Denis:Never the TV. No, you have to turn it off. Never the TV. It's never an option. Do you play any bit of music? Lo-fi beats. Lo-fi marks, lo-fi beats. Didn't you get called out about your lo-fi beats? I got called out for the lo-fi beats as being a millennial, but sometimes the lo-fi beats, depending on the platform that's been used they'll stop and there'll be an ad for something and it really disrupts just for like Miracle-Gro or something anything at all just really I think there's nothing more tragic than the telly on in the background really just why desperate what about all you know this is not so very millennial but a bit of Netflix and chill no shall I leave the movie running in the background you know the TV says are you still there that's always a triumphant moment isn't it because that comes on after 15 minutes maybe a movie but if it's like fucking come dine with me four in a bed it's just grim four in a bed and they're doing the ratings no as you're on top it's real the bed was great there was dust on the windowsill off we go desperate I wouldn't my brain would be hard to tune it out.

27:10There was a lovely bath there.

27:12Denis:Really nice. In the hotel? Yeah, really nice. What kind of hotel? It was just a generic hotel but it was brand new so everything was very nice in it. But it had a bath in it and I was like we'll fill up the bath now, right? Oh. Heatwave be damned. Climbed in? No, me, right? I was going to do it. I was like, I realised it was a really nice bath we just didn't notice it earlier on. Yeah. So I'd fill it up and have a packet of M &M's. Ooh. Right? and I was like, this is going to be amazing. A little me time now, rushing around all day long. Yeah. She hears the bat running outside. She jumped in. Jumped in, took the bat.