#82 Watching the Solar Eclipse with the gays

0:00Denis:This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. For 125 years, Nordstrom has been part of your story. The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview. The first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old. The tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe. These are the moments that make Nordstrom, Nordstrom. Big or small, we're here for all of it. Celebrating 125 years with new moments still add. Discover it all in Nordstrom stores and at nordstrom.com. Late night bites with friends? Already hard to beat. That first too hot bite of fries you couldn't wait for, followed by ice cold Pepsi.

0:41Denis:Now that hits different. Suddenly, the energy kicks back in, the night goes longer, and the laughs don't stop. Because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi Zero Sugar today. Hey Mark, what are you doing on the 1st of October? Oh Dennis Len I'll be at the Roses of El Gabalus Oh my god I'll be there too Because we're doing a live podcast Live podcast No they'd want to get their tickets fairly quickly Where is it on? It's on the Roses of El Gabalus Very good Yeah I got there Tickets are flying It's a hot sexy queer clubhouse in Dalston By the time you hear this it might be sold out But if it's not it's only£15 You can get your ticket on yourinternetboyfriends.com And also on the night not only will you get to ask us questions not only will you be able to hear stuff you'll never hear anywhere else but you'll be able to get a little boyfriend cocktail as well, you can order one of those Oh, 1st of October, see you there Welcome to this week's episode of Your Instead Boyfriends Hello Mark Teacocks Hello Dennis Len This week we're talking about the solar eclipse our big beaver day out and heterosexual gardens And I'll be telling Dennis all about a lovely evening in a concrete bunker This show is part of the Headstuff Podcast Network

2:26Denis:Hello. I don't need to know. Why not? Don't need to know. I respect. Heterosexual escapades. I don't. Well, you're on your own now, I heard. I am, yeah. You've been left. Yeah, no missionary for a week. You're left alone. She's gone. She's gone, yeah. Missionary with the eyes closed. That's how we like it. Okay, when did she leave? She's just not having a conversation with me. I'm asking you. You're just ignoring me. When did she leave? she left she left only this morning as you can see over there now the viewers or listeners can't see guest in the studio we've got two we've got two twinks yeah and a twunk yeah we've got Miso the BFG he's over there he's minding the cat is he every bit as massive of a cat as I explained I think he he is yeah he's kind of he hasn't moved since I came in no but he loves your energy you think so yeah i think he's an ally yeah he doesn't like straight men he has a limp wrist he does have a limp wrist yeah and there's a cat yeah and then you have to just bring this cat around with you yeah bring him in a big um in a handbag in a bin bring him in a tote bag brought him over here yeah and you like him i love him i love that cat i love that cat i do yeah he doesn't give you much he does look at him he's beautiful he is a handsome cat give me that yeah very non-responsive cat he is yeah I'd love to get him on camera he'll be flying around the place he might come up to us in a minute by the end of the episode pull him in Mies but you said you can't pick him up no but you'll see his ears move when you call him Miso why are you come on well the people can't see this now so they're bored to tears anyway look back to the DNV no no DNV let's talk about well let's talk about something serious to start us off right we've had a lot of listeners a lot of local listeners yeah a lot irish listeners oh and the some of those listeners now very close to mark yeah and they've been trying to get on to the bonus episodes there's no need and we must hide the credit cards in in us yeah yeah hide the credit cards well the bonus are not we've cancelled the bonus episodes They're not suitable.

4:44Yeah. They're an over 18 adult only content.

4:48Denis:I would say, how would we restrict it? If you knew Mark when he was one, don't listen to it. I'd say if you don't want to, just no. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. The neighbours, no. They're listening to this one. They're listening to this one. I just had a message from a man in Japan. Oh yeah? To say he's on a date. a man or someone someone who lives in London is in Tokyo on a date with someone who knows me and they're taking pictures of each other and sending them to me isn't that nice in that community isn't that lovely that is ridiculous what are they hoping to get from that like you're on a date with someone else if I was on a date with someone else and they're talking about me and they started talking about you isn't that good I mean that probably would happen but they can compare and contrast yeah so come on asked me about my sex life in the last week.

5:42Denis:Well, you're on your own. Did you have a big goodbye? A big goodbye, yeah. Big send-away party. Last night? Yeah. No. Yesterday afternoon. Oh, afternoon. There's nothing better in the world, right? The heat. Yeah, it was pretty hot. Can I just say, right, it's very early to be getting into this. I cannot handle the heat. The heart. I can't handle the heat. Like, especially when you get to the point of where you could be hottest. The goodbye. My brain just says, you have a fever like shut everything down yeah it's all over I get a wobble like I cannot I can't stand it would you go dizzy go dizzy faint and just flop like a fish oh on my back oops didn't mean it in the other way shame isn't it yeah yeah it's a big shame that's a big shame should you struggle with the heat we've had this before I do I really do I just think I might go dizzy go light yeah there's a lot of laughing over there yeah i'd go dizzy and light um i think around three four o 'clock you have to be careful that's what i found yes the hottest like the oven if you could get it done in the morning yeah well you see you get it done during the day and then you can go off to home bargains you can go to little you can go into thrills hobby craft you can do all these things running around loving it give an old eye you know across the aisle yeah yeah you know as but reach for a little coffee maker on a deal and back home then i have a good question for you oh do you do you think that you're you choose your men seasonally oh like at christmas do you choose like more round ones yeah chestnuts roasting by the fire that type of deal and then maybe go for a slender member in the summer.

7:32Denis:A summer piece. A lighter. Yeah, more room in the bed. Yeah. More like, you know. Like you change the duvet, you might only have a slip of a sheet. Yeah, a little sheet. In the summer. Would you do that? I don't, I wonder, should I keep a look? Keep track? You do, I suppose in the winter, yeah, you could, you want a little, something sturdier, do you? Something round or something. Something to keep the feet warm. Cuddlier. And then a slip, a light piece. I don't know. but in the summer you'd have a lot of guests a lot of internationals oh is it the international coming in and out right so maybe there's more of that and things kind of settle down then in the winter and you'd be staying close enough to home go back to the locals with the weather's bad go back to the locals you would it's like in the summer we'll take all these suave international guests yeah and then back to the peasants in the winter I think they do a lot of people pause a lot of people pause their kind of their search for a life partner in the summertime.

8:38Because everyone is flighty and kind of scattered. A bit giddy. So end of September people could kind of have their senses again. If you're trying to find the husband Start getting a bit depressed again. I'd give it up till about the end of September. There's still a few weeks of Jigacton and who knows now climate change could go on for a while it could go on I'd say it will go on for a while

9:05Denis:yeah I had I had a little bit of a moment on this weekend passed yeah it wasn't DNV but it was a nice little a three way meal somewhere else oh what which caused an unbelievable amount of confusion who's three ways yeah so myself Lisa and Greta went out for a dinner the housemate yeah and it was Greta's birthday but we went into a beautiful all vegan restaurant it was actually amazing it was really really nice so Greta's a vegan so we went in right but this is where the confusion started an extremely handsome Spanish waiter popped up he looks at the two of them looks at me now I had made a decision to wear a little tight top for some reason shorts I had slicked my hair all the way back I was wearing an earring and I was wearing white socks because I've transferred over to those.

9:59Denis:So I was giving away a few signals. He was smiling ear to ear. Oh. And figured that I was out with the girls for the night. Oh, be gay. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were... I shouldn't have emphatically said yeah. Oh, and he wanted a piece. Oh, he wanted a piece, yeah. So I got all the attention for the night. You and your girlfriends. Yeah. Out with the girls. The girlies. Yeah. And we also, So it was bring your own BYOB. Yeah. So we brought a big pink bottle of Prosecco. Prosecco. And I had a tote bag and I brought that other tote bag and put it on the table. And he was loving life. Right. But I felt a little conflicted about the whole thing.

10:42Denis:You didn't correct him? He gave me a free dessert. Oh. Do you think I'd correct that? Okay. No. Gave me a free brownie and wrote a little note for me. He did not. He did. What do you say? Meet me around the back. It was like Kind of a line And then a hole And the line was going Into the hole Whatever that means Jesus And a phone number Yeah A beautiful looking man as well Where is this Just so I know This is Don't say Whisper to me later You'd be gone You'd actually You're like something Out of a sitcom Would I like him What's he like You'd go in there Just because he was Giving me attention And you'd ride him And then you'd come back And say I wrote him Oh What's the What's the part of town um southwest London okay I won't yeah yeah I won't be going there I thought you were going to say he thought you were out in your throuple no no no and he wanted to get in no no no to join in no he didn't think it was a throuple he didn't have that energy he wouldn't like the girls if anything he might have thought I was out with two lesbians oh I mean you know but um that's never no that's never what the fuck has that ever come up no they're just friends why not oh that's getting very hot in here uh yeah they're just friends yeah they're just friends i wonder are they friends who wonders outside of you um yeah like yeah i mean they met through me but yeah yeah they get on very well do you know when you have those well what are you whaling about and they're both gone away they're both gone away yeah and you said the phones are off the phones are off yeah and they wouldn't share their locations.

12:22Denis:Yeah. Isn't that funny? Yeah. How long are they gone? Might have to delete this episode. How long are they gone for, the two? They're gone for the exact same amount of time. To different places? Yeah, they're both back Friday. For work, is it? Yeah, for work. Work the trip? A business trip that I'm not on. And you're here with the cat? I'm here with the cat, yeah. Running around the place. He was doing time trials last night, 3 o 'clock in the morning. Okay. Mm-hmm. Nothing else to say. Nothing else to say on that. Well, well what come on mark come out and say well i just think we need some storylines in this family and i'm creating a lesbian affair um okay and we have listeners who will enjoy thinking about this fair enough yeah they will it's not just the gays here no it's not do you know will i will i pick up on with the gays would you like me to do that yeah do you know what i think now we need to maybe i've been i've been in the community now for well over a year, right?

13:18Denis:Yeah. Do you know what I think you might need to give up? A little bit. What's that? Is just actually, I don't know. Ah, go on to fuck. No, I ah. Say it and then I'll cut you off. Yeah, okay, we might need to edit it. It's just kind of making everything referencing like, you know, if you were selling like, I don't know, biscuits. Yeah. You'd call them like big dick digestives or whatever. Who would? Just anyone. Do you know what I mean? Oh, it's a trick-toe. Why, are you telling me that isn't a thing? A lot of the... Tricky grounds here. A lot of the gay men branding aimed at gay men is... Come on, I could name candles.

14:08Denis:I know. And they're lovely candles. But people like it. They do like it. do you like it i don't love it but i think some people so give me give me a makeup product and give it a name um all right so um so a range of scarfs yeah called foreskin yeah exactly you know and it does sometimes it doesn't even make sense it makes absolutely no sense the subtlety is not there no it's like lamps and they're just called back doors or something and you're just like I don't understand they're actually worse than that to be honest yeah do you know they'd be called I think we're coming out of it yeah well how do you feel about it like is it is this right or wrong I think I talk in riddles yeah you do and I don't I don't think it's I don't think it's interesting to say things direct I think it's more if you can be nuanced and dance around it and suggest I think it's more fun and charming So you'd call like your scarves would be called length Maybe Do you know what I mean They wouldn't be called like You can make an association but it's not like cock But like Do you know what's very funny Did I say this before Or did I think Declan said this to me Do you know the Stonewall Riots Yeah I did This is not my I visited the bar I was outside the bar This is not my original thought This has been said by many people But they were saying how So that was for anyone who doesn't know was a gay liberation riot that happened in New York in a bar which is called Stonewall Inn.

15:47But imagine if it was in a different bar. Because usually gay bars in the 70s they were like the fucking the manhole the pit the cock cum like The cock cum riot. So many bars. We didn't it could have been. Imagine you trying to teach that. But why not? It was a very important moment there on the cock humbites when they arrested everyone. We never really did that. Most of our bars are actually subtly named. They don't actually have even... They're often... So like in Soho, you have like the Duke of Wellington and the Admiral Duncan and you have Rupert Street and you... They just kind of have old bar names.

16:29Yeah. And you know that they're gay but the name doesn't really feel gay. But in America, they're often really like, you know, piss they're just so extreme are you going to piss tonight they are yeah I don't know why they maybe we're not is it something to do with what do they have companies house licensing or something

16:51Denis:do they have to declare it so clearly that this is a gay gay bar and like kind of stay away if you're straight so it won't cause trouble maybe it's something maybe it's like a protective thing back in the day maybe because like I don't think you're allowed to register a company here with an explicit name. No, you're definitely not. I'd be fairly... I'm picturing things that have explicit names and they change them for their... Is there any bar or place in London that has a fairly explicit name? There's the Cock. The Cock, yeah. But that's an average name. Yeah, yeah. There's the Cock Tavern in Kennington.

17:32But I would say it's probably like an old name that's hung over.

17:36Denis:they don't really go for that there's like so what's the general consensus uh would you say as the ambassador of all gays yeah of like the the naming convention of things i'd pull it back make it interesting make it interesting pull it pull it back don't be so direct can't you can't no um don't be so direct make it curious it can be something that's suggested or like linked to a reference but it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be so obvious yeah i think yeah um you went to lidl you have a new toy i did tell the listeners i went to lidl i got cotton the special buys yeah i went in to get oat milk which you can't even call oat milk anymore what's that it's called oat water or something i can't remember it's not milk yeah you can't call it milk but um went and got oat substitute milk water and uh i was getting a packet of cheese i was getting some cold meats because I can't eat anything hot these days.

18:36Denis:Get some cold meats and I saw a little coffee maker and it caught me. In a little. In a little. And it was 40 quid. Oh you had a cup of it. Nice. Is it nice yeah? Oh fuck's sake this guy honestly every single thing I say he's like no shit. Go on. Coffee. What's the point of coffee? It's just grounded beans can I just squashed and water drips through through the grounded beans into a cup what is all that big machine about? I'd say as with everything right as with wine and a lot of these things they don't matter past a certain stage but they make a difference up to a certain stage so like with a bottle of wine and i'm not even a wine person right but like past i think like 15 quid or something literally there's no difference right people will attack me for that but like as in it's a generally like that right i was talking about wine guy before and with coffee there are a few things you can do like the pressure of the you're gonna fall asleep the water pressure of the water that's going through the beans like if you if you ground if you um have if you grind them up and they're like coarse the water will run through it too quickly the grinding i understand okay yeah that's that's a that's a task that's complicated but the dripping of the water through i never knew what but if you think about it right like if you drink instant coffee it dissolves in it right how are you meant to get rid of the coffee otherwise get like a tea bag so that's kind of what it is right you're just dripping through it it's the same thing you have the pounder do you have for the camera again do you know the what's the pounder does it have that the thing you pound in the oh yeah yeah yeah in a twist tamper is it called a tamper tamper yeah yeah and then you shout back what else yeah yeah and you whack it and stuff or if you work in London you just ignore the customers and then you fuck it off the counter and there's a hole caught in the counter yeah yeah and the hole never fucking aligns with the bin that's under the counter yeah and it goes bleh So you have coffee beans Hot Coffee dust All over the shop Yeah That's pretty much what it is The place that I worked Had that Did you work in a coffee shop?

21:08No in a pub

21:09Denis:Oh the hotel? In a pub Fenio D's Oh But they had a coffee machine And There was a lot of action Banging Do you know Oh I was inside In a supermarket yesterday Was I? Somewhere Where was I? I was inside in Hobbycraft Oh I was trying to get some paintbrushes what's wrong with that pains in the little you're worse than Lisa honestly you're worse than Lisa the little men she hates them she hates them they're very detailed I hadn't appreciated yeah I'm not bad at it and you have no glasses no glasses no god 80-80 vision so I was inside in Hobbycraft so you've worked you've worked in you've worked in Carol's gift shop before Carol's gifts and souvenirs so have you worked in a place so maybe Carol's is the same but I've worked in like retail where the music is made up Or it's like really off charts music.

21:59Denis:Not really, no. Have I? No, not really. They're not quite like, they'll never be Leona Lewis, but there'll be something close to it. Yeah, yeah. So it'll be like, I missed you when you left, where are you now? Yeah. And just over and over and over again and they're not quite on it. I think that is one of the worst things about working inside in those places. Bar the public, obviously, that's the worst bit. I'd say Hobbycraft gets a lot of, you kind of have to know your stuff there. they're fairly like specific products you need to know your soup from your PVA yeah what did you get? I ended up getting nothing I was trying to get paintbrushes but I couldn't get the tip that I wanted right it was the wrong tip you want a small tip I want a fine tip but I couldn't really get the one I wanted these little men how many little men are you painting?

22:46Denis:22 what? small men yeah 22 men is what I'll be painting soon now have to prime them anyway um did you see the eclipse i did did you actually start about three weeks ago i know but we haven't talked about it the listeners have been asking i did but no one could look at it did you look at it i didn't look at it i well tell me you where were you i was in here in oh sorry i was i was here in the studio just wandering around in the windowless house so greta was greta was hopping around the place trying to view the the sun right and she was bringing out a colander at the fucking that's who told people about the colander very clap for the nhs oh fucking hell the colander like just put it on as a helmet and go to bed they she had she she'll kill me with this but she just she was just pointing it out the window like didn't matter what direction the sun was in she thought it would I don't know catch it or something like a butterfly so going around with the calendar and also if you're just going to see it on the ground I'd rather just watch it in the fucking stream look at it on the telly yeah so I didn't look at it but she she was trying to find it then going out to all the windows in the house and she had to look out one window and I was back in holding her eyes going I think I saw a bit of it blind everyone looked yeah i know everyone looked but did you see that um there's this hilarious thing where like 6 p.m or 7 p.m whatever time it was in london or wherever you happen to be and then like straight away afterwards there's a spike in google searches saying my eyes hurt everyone looked at this and all those egets gone buying glasses from you know some fella who's just got a box of them somewhere.

24:41What do you call that? Like, and I can, I never seem to be able to let myself enjoy it.

24:50Denis:What, get caught up in that kind of stuff? The national hype. Good old, this is what makes Britain, Britain. We're all, you know. You are a misery. Kooky, quirk, you know. What do you mean? Like, it's just a distraction. The whole world is burning down, right? The whole world is on fire. Yeah. And then something like this, or the World Cup, or... There's things that, like, everyone is so happy to just kind of throw everything aside. But, sure, it's just circuses for the people, Mark. Distract them. And why can't I? I can't get the same joy and group. have you heard of depression i have it severe severe do you have a lack of interest in anything my instinct like my instant reaction is to roll my eyes i'm like oh get a life yeah no i'm not awful no i think in that i think your calendars are bad but everyone everyone did it everyone got on it yeah and then some people do it like ironically like oh what am i comparing it to what else has happened like that the eclipse in 99 no but those those kind of like we're all what's a clap for the nhs it's a clap for the nhs um clap for the bing bang bong do you know that one what the fuck is that man what's the bing bing bong to take a break what's the bing bing bong oh no it's it's too much it's a gay thing it's a song it's too much the long way to go.

26:33Oh, actually. Give me a few more of those.

26:35Denis:So you mean like World Cup, like Italia 90. It's more when everyone starts doing something. Like a challenge. The ice bucket. Yeah, but do you know how much money that raised? It's dodging. It raised so much money. I know, fine. Okay. I quite like collective things like that. It is the marathon conversation again. It's that. Why can't I just join in? You've just been beaten down so much by life I don't know I saw the people with the colanders Awful What did you do for it? You haven't answered I was at a zine launch I was at the launch of a pornographic zine In a co-working sex space Oh That's my reaction I actually would rather have a colander to be honest I was in a concrete bunker In Dalston No windows No windows, swings Of course not.

27:30Wouldn't dare look up at the sky. Leather bolster apparatus and concrete benches with a room full of, I'd say 40, 50 LGBTs dressed entirely in black leather boots. A lot of nose piercings. A lot of tattoos on the arm. Rings. A lot of rings for the zine launch of this kind of sex positive photography. thing um but we paused the zine launch to all go outside and look at the sun um and it was very nice because you've all these big like fetish men dressed in their leather and all the sexy trendy like trendy queers yeah and they were they were letting they were giving they were they were giving into it yeah if you gave them a colander would they we were yeah we were all like oh this is a bit it's a bit normative and then we're like oh it is quite cool actually but these hetero people are onto something here with this sun yeah there was people going around with big fucking reflective metal things and I don't understand the trying to capture the the blindness the shape of the sun on a piece of paper

28:49Denis:yeah but that's just blindness like I was more interested in just watching the city getting dark and the lovely colour that was there but it gets it gets very fixated on the impression of the shape of the sun on the ground. Yeah, I'm not for that. I mean, I don't, I don't, I'm not interested in that. But your only other option is to probably go a bit blind. The glasses, I guess. Yeah. Putting on the special glasses and looking at the sun, that's, wow, that's great. That's wow. That's wow. But getting the reflection of the sun, it's... No, I agree with that. Like I'm not looking at the Eclipse through a fucking box of cornflakes.

29:29Denis:I'm not doing it. Stupid. I totally agree with that. But if I don't have the option to look at it with the glasses, I'm not doing it. But at the same time, I am not looking through those glasses from Amazon. You don't trust them? No, I don't trust them. Yeah. Why would you trust them? Who's checking those? Who's making those? Who's checking them? What the hell are they even made of? Also, if you took a picture of it as well, you can damage your camera and your phone. No. Yep. I did. Oh, there you go. might not happen now but it could happen soon down the road down the road it could happen lord there'll just be a when you're taking a picture there'll just be a blur in the middle it'll be like it's auto-censored I need that I've toned down on the pics yeah you have I have but you've changed your thirst traps we discussed this yeah they're subtler now yeah they're subtler actually speaking of yeah we have a few messages in that we'll have to check after the break oh from the listeners from the hotline on the hotline it's hopping your instant boyfriend's hotline number is there's a test do you remember it's plus four four seven seven seven sixty nine five three two nine two oh there he is I've never learnt anything there you go alright we take a little break yes ok goodbye we have a date we're going to be observers yeah we're not going to be performing at all observing an event on the 16th of September at boys boys boys boys boys boys coffee shop gallery bar wine bar coffee shop gallery they've got it all Donald Nolan interior design he'll be sitting in with the willies on the wall microphone in hand with Alistair I think oh really yes your friend two fine pieces two big pieces up on the chairs so see you there and we'll be in the audience yeah which is a bonus for every ticket gore can't wait alright Mark we're back hello did you have a lovely break I had a little break nice I looked in the mirror I have a new little bit of hair look at this you do that's that's been there now for a couple of weeks just sticking up in the middle yeah nice triangle boy do you worry about them i always i need to let you into my head a little bit sometimes when i'm like doing my hair before i go out i get very like i i have to stop myself from getting like very like minuscule detail yeah just head out because i could see someone else's hair like blowing in the wind all over the place like toupee flapping i don't want to take any notice about it at all.

31:52Denis:Yeah. But do you go deep, don't you? I go deep and then, well, first I'd walk out the door and I'd be hit by a gust. Would that stress you out? And that really stresses me out. I find my road, Kingsland Road is very windy. It's a Roman road. It's a straight road, straight down into the city. And there's a breeze there coming up from the river. It's a Roman road. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know, I do. It's a straight road. There's no twists. Watch that arm. Oh, is that in your camera? No, Oh, you're raising it up quite high. Am I blocking? Oh, oh, right. Oh, keep the arm down. Jesus Christ.

32:27Very easy to get caught.

32:29Denis:A bit flatter there. No one would have been all over. Very easy to get caught. Put it in under the knee. In the knee, yeah. Put it in under the knee. So I find there's a gust there on the Kingsland Road. Gets me. I also find the Northern Line, which I have been forced upon, or it's been forced upon me, very windy. Oh, it is gusty. Very windy. Windy in the passages Yeah It might have to be You have to be very polite As well getting out Of some of the northern stations And keep the head down Because People wearing Stuff Can be blown all over the place Oh yes I always keep the head down Just as a customary Like They're very windy A little bit of manners I don't know why it is The other ones aren't so windy Do you know I was convinced There for a while When I was living in East London That My Fringe At the time Was being combed over Or like brushed over to the wrong side that it was mostly windy the other direction oh yeah do you know what i mean like as in now i think that it's in the correct direction but when i when at the time i had it going the other way and i changed it because i felt like i ran into more times where the wind was blowing from the left to the right yeah well you know you put one side of your face out first out the door i do test it out the door i'm always going with the left side of my face first because i have a bad eye this is true you you go most people's eyes are not equal i don't want to see into the future too much here but you do have a book coming out which we're going to read in a couple of weeks and you do mention in that book not to ruin it that you got a patch on your eye when you're 11 years old that is in the fictional novel fictional novel but is that anything but i have an astigmatism in the right hand side what's that like this eye is bad no good so what happens is I go you lead in I do I put the left one in first if you saw someone you liked if you saw someone you liked would it tell me you're approaching I'd look out through the left eye yeah and that's why the left is my good side because I'm looking at you that way yeah that's the one that needs the most and if I get tired SPF then yeah the right eye gets very big because it's strained so you have to open it more So if I'm very tired I have two different eyes Your right hand side Will probably start looking younger eventually Do you think?

34:51Denis:Yeah Because you're leading with your left the whole time That's great That's kind of terrifying When you get older That's going to be really scary I'll have one big eye Yeah When you're leading with a small eye towards people Come here to me What boss is this? Because the other one is A man talked to me Oh I felt awful I met an awful lot of Is this going to be one of your Tragically depressing stories? Very bizarre They were all out today yeah they do come out at certain times you get the bus in the middle of the day in hackney oh you'll meet them all they were all out and they were all there was a man at the bus stop and he was so nice i think he was just desperate to chat and he was telling me that the bus hadn't come and i said oh yeah and then he asked me if the bus had come and i said no no i'm here and And then he, I just couldn't.

35:48I should have. What do you mean? Is that the conversation he had? And you wouldn't talk back to him? I said enough. And then I just didn't have it in me. I'm like, I'm going to get stuck now. I don't know how to get away. So I walked off. Just walked away. Didn't get the bus. I didn't get the bus. You're not serious. Because he was really settling in for a chat. You fucked up. Is that bad?

36:08Denis:Do you know why it is, though? because you look like like a friendly man do you think? you look like a friendly dad yeah no what I'm saying is a lot of these I mean I don't want to cast aspersions on the man no but maybe like you know an older man who wouldn't be as progressive as maybe some of the rest of us yeah I think they mistakenly see you as like giving a shit there's a there's a nice straight dad now for me to talk to maybe because I'm like dressed now you're dressed like a dad but from like 1975 which is probably what they're still used to right yeah i walked away anyway and i do feel bad about it and you didn't get any bus i got the train you got the train i changed my route i've got off the bus a couple of times early just the middle of nowhere because it can't handle it well then i got on the other side not a couple of bogeys there was a woman with a suitcase she looked very um stressed about everything the suitcase was wrapped in cling film right that's a sign and she carried the suitcase big suitcase check in 20kg up the fucking stairs oh and no one let her sit down there was plenty of seats oh right fair enough I think she wanted to be upstairs so that went on and there was a lot and see if I got on that bus now I'd have to get off before she gets off because she's going down on the stairs with a 20kg suitcase like you'd have to help no if she's going up the stairs 20kg she might not let you help and then she's tumbling down that yeah into a cheeseburger who was shouting and i was kind of stuck behind this carry on and she's like are you going on the holiday she she was trying to spark up a little chat with you no with the woman with the suitcase and it was all going on and what was the woman saying to her she was just huffing and puffin.

38:05Denis:Not much. I need to maybe re-enter society. I'm doing a lot. Well, I'm unemployed now. I'm freelance creative. I mean this as your friend. Yeah. But like the misery graph has... Do you think? Yeah. Do you know why? I went to bed half two. Half two last night again. Can't. Dusting. What were you doing at ten to two last night? Do you know what I was doing? I was looking at my clothes and I was saying, I have to go to Japan.

38:45There's flash flooding. There's a heat wave. There's earthquakes. What'll I wear? Shorts. Do you think? I'm. I'll probably bring one pair of shorts. Be fine.

39:00Denis:Bring one pair of shorts, four t-shirts, fish, bang, boom, gone. I took all the clothes down out of the wardrobe out of the rail Put them on the bed I could have set fire to the house I couldn't Do you know when you're like I want all new stuff I can't find any of my stuff What do you think the bets are of you coming back from Japan and saying Oh Dennis what a wonderful two weeks Oh I will have a wonderful two weeks Oh you will okay I'm in the plane now while the people are listening No I've landed Am I there? I've landed can I tell you what I'll do what I'm going to get off the plane there's going to be a line of people smiling and waving that's what they do they wave the planes in on the fucking tarmac it's just the happiest loveliest every encounter surely you can see past that that's not very happy that you're standing out there and your job is to wave why not you're getting paid sometimes they have a glove they have a you sound like like a merciless capitalist sometimes they have sometimes And they're getting paid.