#84 Denis brings photographic evidence

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0:46Drink responsibly.

0:46Denis:Hey, Mark. What are you doing on the 1st of October? Oh, Dennis Len, I'll be at the Roses of El Agabalas. Oh, my God. I'll be there, too, because we're doing a live podcast. Live podcast. No, they'd want to get their tickets fairly quickly. Where is it on? It's on the roses of El Gabalus. Very good. Yeah, I got there. Tickets are flying. It's a hot, sexy, queer clubhouse in Dalston. By the time you hear this, it might be sold out. But if it's not, it's only£15. You can get your ticket on yourinternetboyfriends.com. And also, on the night, not only do you get to ask us questions, not only do you have to hear stuff you'll never hear anywhere else, but you'll be able to get a little boyfriend cocktail as well.

1:25Denis:You can order one of those. Oh, 1st of October. See you there. Welcome to this week's episode of Your Internet Boyfriends. Hello, Mac Teacocks. Hello, Dennis Len. This week we're talking about Sticky Frogs, Tom Daly, and a very dedicated listener in Dalston. And Dennis will be sharing with me photographic evidence of a recent wedding injury. This show is part of the Headstuff Podcast Network. Right, so you're feeling... Melted. I went out over the weekend, had a few little drinks. Yeah. Thought I was feeling good. I'm doing this thing where every now and then I go into a massive dip. Yeah. Do you know what I love, though?

2:01Denis:What I've started doing, which is really good. Lying on the floor. Okay. Have you ever done that? There's hardly... I lie down. There's not much room. There's not much floor. I'll tell you. Tell us. Donald has the whole place covered in furniture. Chairs all over the house. We've got 24 chairs. In your house, there's chairs on chairs. You in my house. I was in your house, yeah. Remember, we walked in, turned on the lights, and the twinks started running all over the place under the furniture and stuff? That's right. Yeah, it was over. Why was I over? It was just me there. Am I imagining this? Or did you try to get me to take a picture in the mirror on the bed?

2:36Denis:You did take a picture in the mirror on the bed. Oh, did I? Jesus Christ. You did take a mirror. You did. How did you talk me into that? Well, that bed... I know. ...can be persuasive. It's funny. You know... It's too much. But you know the way I was on that bed? but I didn't even though we have these conversations every single week I didn't think of the memory that that bed has I just saw it as a bed yeah but you know all the memories that it houses right yeah yeah yeah but I just saw it as a sleeping bed moments yeah it's all it's kind of like when you know you were hanging around in your parents room in your parents bed ah stop do you know what I mean you don't yeah you don't think about them or if you go to like a no sorry I'm going yeah oh god no no what what if you go what just like a historical site.

3:26It's hard to imagine.

3:27Denis:Oh, Jesus. Are you going for them being slaughtered and stuff? It's hard to imagine. But yeah, you climbed up. You didn't take much convincing. That photo exists somewhere. I don't know where it exists. I think it might exist on your phone, tragically enough for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on the bonus episode. We'll send it out at Christmas as a Christmas card. That would be nice. It is a fantastic scene because you have, I'm sure the listeners are very I need to get up on it again maybe I'll do that tomorrow it's reminiscent of the kneeling emoji well you have you're kneeling on the bed there's a mirror the bed is five foot tall and then you have a mirror which is the full length it starts at the height of the mattress and it goes all the way up to the ceiling but the mirror is in front of the window so you get all the nice light coming in from behind the mirror and you have the cityscape you have the skyline in the backdrop thinking back I should have said no it's really lovely I should have said no It's really lovely Yeah But I was talking about Lying on the ground As a therapeutic thing to do Okay where In the bedroom In the No out in the living room Yeah Because everyone's away At the moment so Oh they're still gone They're gone The women Yeah the women are gone Until today or something They might never come back Maybe not Any news Well I was hanging out With one of them At the weekend Yeah Lisa But I'm going to be Skipping stories here I know Too quickly Well But after the weekend Hence why I'm boiling now Is I just had to lie down In the middle of the living room For a while Okay It's better than a couch You know when a couch Just doesn't do it for you Yeah You have to lie down And just kind of On your back or on your face On my back If I was lying on my face That would be Risky A lot more Why would you be risky?

5:07Denis:Mark why would you be risky? I blasted Do you think someone's going to Come in and ride me If I lie on the floor? What is wrong with you? That's what they say Don't lie based on the floor as one runs in and rides you. Jesus Christ. You get your mind out of the gutter. Would you have a cushion under the head or just straight down on the floor? No, straight down the floor. Yeah, feel the hardness of it. Looking at the ceiling. Yeah, looking at the ceiling. Not even looking at the ceiling. Just looking around. Just drift away. Yeah, yeah. Getting slight vertigo from going back too far. Yeah. Yeah.

5:40Denis:Your mind is all over the place. Oh, God. Yeah, so I did a bit of that. But I was away at the weekend and because we were just talking about sleeping in different rooms there and stuff. Yeah. We slept in a guest room. In someone else's house? Someone else's house, yeah. A lovely little house. Not a lovely little house, a lovely medium-sized house. And that would be a great weekend. But we were talking about the guest room. And Lisa, as you know, loves a diffuser. Yeah. Loves a statement wall. Yeah. Millennial green, all that kind of stuff, right? But you know what she said she did in her old place?

6:11Denis:She was in a two bed. She said she did a little sleep test in the guest bedroom. Oh, to see what it's like as a guest. what it'd be like for other people it's nice so she went in and slept there um what the experience was like taking off the cushions going into the bed yeah then notice in the morning there's a little bit of light creeping in through the blind yeah so it'd have to she'd have to like rectify that and did a whole night inside there it's very good to see what i thought you'd appreciate that massively well the luxury of having a guest room yeah i haven't ever had that luxury it's gone now yeah I've not had that luxury I have we have a space we have the day bed for visitors yeah special VIPs bless them which bed has more memories the day bed or the tall bed probably the day bed the night bed or the day bed the cheese bed the day bed it must be hard to sit down and relax in the day bed having a bit of cheese and not just have like a million flashbacks of where you are it must be hard like how do you separate that it's different though oh I'm just having a little brie different time and then you look over in the corner like god do you remember what happened there remember that remember that yeah no you tidy it up I know you tidy it up there's a lot of cushions is it easy to clean you do get oh yeah it all goes in the washing machine the whole bed the whole thing what I get a lot of videos now of people been whacked in the face from mattresses that get delivered in small bags.

7:50Denis:Oh yeah, I've seen that. Do you like that? Yeah, and they explode, yeah. And you open the bag and bursts open. Or a cat being, you know the, you've seen the famous one of the cat and he's hanging on to the corner of it and it's flopping around. And then it's... Then he gets catapulted into the space. Yeah, love that one. That's a nice one. What have you been doing? You've been hanging around in day beds or anything? What have I been doing? I had a lovely, well, what shall I see? I had a lovely day last week. I went to see my friend Just May Justine May from she says 21 minutes of appearance on Drag Race UK that's her little tagline she bought a house isn't that great?

8:30The drags are buying houses So you you nearly robbed a woman didn't you? Yeah what am I doing wrong? She bought a house so she'd been talking about this for years so I said you know what now I'll just come over and we can just enjoy the house and just sit down and just be in the house. Like, there's no need to be going out now anymore. You can just have people over and visit. So, that was lovely. It was a great day. We went to Dulux to the paint shop. I know you're speaking my language. This is great. Very nice. What'd you do?

8:59Denis:Get a couple of testers? Well, I was on the A1 doing some... Oh, I wouldn't say this. You'll get destroyed for this. Were you on AI designing rooms for this house? You need... Taking away jobs. Hold on. There's no jobs. There is jobs. Have you heard of a designer? Justine May is never going to hire an interior designer. Most people won't for a small job and you just want to check the colour in the wall. The A1. Am I going to get dragged? Yeah, you should get dragged. I mean, the A1 is in your phone. The A1 is everywhere. What if they say like, oh, please show me two handsome Irish lads. One straight, one gay.

9:35Denis:Give them an hour of chat. Kissing. Yeah. Not kissing. I know. But yeah, I felt like a bit of a middle-aged mother. just testing paint colours and then we found a nice blue and we decided to go to the shop and show the woman the A1 and then she said I have it I have it and then she shook it up and then I like it and then the shake you know the shake oh that was my you know as a young that was one of my favourite things yeah but it was 5 to 5 right she really hated our guts you're having her painting fucking what time was she mixing or what day was that well she was closing at 5 no but what day was it I can't remember Was it a Friday like?

10:12No but it was closing time So she was like Come on now I'd say in her mind She was saying slurs You know Come on Pick the colour There was three blues And I couldn't decide the blues So we nearly bought a can And then we said You know what I think we need a tester And she had to go to the back They have to make those little testers I didn't know that They have to make them And they charge you money I thought the testers were free No Charge five pounds No

10:40Denis:not going to give away paint for free because if if they were for free I'd go in and get 10 of them over I'd go to B &Q and get one I'd go to Wix and get another one and I'd get the equivalent of a can of paint yeah so yeah I can understand that and did you do some painting? and then we came home we were going to do some painting but then we decided to sit down brilliant great and you know what she has she's a television and I don't have a television yeah and I actually just love going to people's houses and playing with their television it's so exciting all the apps all the all the buttons I don't have that so I put on the secret lives of the gypsy wives oh lovely I loved it I was so happy and then she made dinner and she fed me and I watched the TV show what did you get she made a curry oh lovely she's very quick she's quick very nice she whipped it up but it was just lovely to do nothing I was like this is how real people this is how a lot of people live I think I had a bigger weekend than you did for once well there's more news I'll tell you later but that was a nice what's the other news ah sure what are you waiting for there's no I'll get to it later but it was just a nice glimpse of how the public live yeah yeah down in the gutters just having dinner watching telly yeah that's what it's all about I never get to do it or I never I could but I what are you talking about you talk about watching train videos inside the daybed but it'll be 20 minutes and I'm watching the clock and I have to get here and fucking oh that's what's my fault do this do you know what I mean I'm always going yeah Yeah, I'm always going.

12:10I had another nice evening then. I got home a relatively reasonable hour and I'm settling into my autumnal mood. So I bought a candle from Muji. The little wood, you know, the hinoki, the Japanese wood. Oh, beautiful. And I put that on and then I had my snacks all ready and I sat down and I started watching Project Runway. And I loved it. With no television? On the laptop. not the same

12:38Denis:how long were you watching it for? I was about 20 minutes into it and then I got a text from a listener no way very confident a text text? well a message to say I love the podcast

12:59and sorry if this is out of line but I'm in Dalston and I love

13:08Denis:I love your work and I'd love to say thanks but you as Mark T Cox a professional you shut it down and you said we cannot cross that line we cannot I'm in Dawson for the night I'd love to say thanks to you and Dennis I said Dennis Dennis isn't here he's going to say thanks through you straight through me absolutely guzzling and he's going and saying This is for Dennis as well.

13:41Denis:For fuck's sake. Pass that on. I get none of these benefits. Pass it on. None of them. That nice. That was for Dennis. That lovely. That's great. Do you all find that incredibly weird though? That nice. That nice. And how long did, where did you meet? I can't say anymore. But I was back, back watching it after. Back 10 minutes later. Half an hour. It's very good. Wonderful. The show. No, we're not talking about that. We're talking about... But what else did they say? That's it. Just said to pass on. Did they have a favorite episode or anything like today? No, I don't know how... A lot of people say that, but I don't know how dedicated they actually are.

14:20It sounds like he was fairly dedicated. Well, very dedicated, but, you know, it's just a way in.

14:25Denis:How can you get any more dedicated than that? Hey, what? Is that a breach? I love the podcast. I'll suck you off. Is that... And you're like, I'm not sure how dedicated he is. Is that a breach of the... What the fuck? I have none of those benefits. You have to contact Headstuff. Gosh, headstuff. That's what it was. Is that a breach? It was Headstuff.

14:49Denis:It lived up entirely to his name. Headstuff Plus. Yeah, Headstuff Plus. Sign up below. Yeah, big member. That's great, Mark. Glad you had such a lovely weekend. Lovely. Lovely. I was just about to say, I had a wild weekend, but obviously nothing compared to that. Tell us, while you were drunk. No, I wasn't drunk. I was just having a good time. Having a good time. I just get hung over now after like even smelling alcohol. What did you have? What would you drink? Oh, what would I drink? No, I'd have a couple of pints. How many? Actually, do you know what? If I was out with Lisa, I'd have a few Hugo Spritz.

15:22Denis:I hear a lot about it. Hugo Spritz is fantastic. It's better than Aperol Spritz. There is, oh, it's going to be difficult. Right, there's Elderflower. there is Prosecco there is white lemonade ice and is that about it? I think that's about it that's for girls mint? what is that for girls? yeah it's only for girls sounds like it's for girls yeah it's for girls yeah and you like it I love this I think it's great it's very refreshing better than Aperol Spritz I think Aperol Spritz is a lot of shite would your friends laugh at you for drinking that? Hugo Spritz they'd laugh at me if I got it and then they'd start ordering it that's usually the way it happens Okay Ditto Because the name sounds butch What do you mean?

16:04Like the name sounds Hugo Like a whiskey I thought it was a whiskey

16:09Denis:Hugo Spritz I actually didn't I didn't really personify it like that I don't know that I read it as anything Okay Hugo Is it a girly little drink? No it comes in a big goblet It's a lot of mass A lot of volume Okay great What would she have? What? What would she have? Hugo Spritz Oh two? Yeah because we would get a cocktail deal Two for one Yeah, I'm being forced into the cocktails, you see. Otherwise, I'd be drinking a pint. Yeah. A pint of lager. A pint of slippery, oily lager in England. Love it. So you'd have a few of them. Have a few of them. And then I'd be okay. Be all right. But if I wasn't out with Lisa, go off the rails.

16:50Denis:Yeah. Have a lot of pints. A lot of pints. Probably get sick in between one bar and the next bar. Get a little second wind Yeah Go in then And probably have a couple of baby Guinness And then go off the rails They love those baby Guinness Baby Guinness is nice Lace I like baby Guinness They're just so expensive though They're mental Very very expensive But I Oh no I'll ask you that afterwards I'll ask you that after the break But I was You'll enjoy this I was walking down the beach Walking down the promenade right And Lisa on one side and Lisa's friend on the other side and they both grabbed my hand and I was walking along the beach.

17:32Denis:Oh? With the two of them hand in hand, right? Because they thought it'd be funny if they all thought we were together. Who, what kind of person? The other one? What do you mean? Who is it? A woman. Okay. Right? What do you mean? This is happening a lot. Yeah, I know it's happening a lot. It was a strange occurrence. But as I was walking along, as many straight men out there, you might be thinking, you know, this is it, like, it's what I dreamed of. Yeah. But I actually was unable to carry it off confidently. Yeah. And it more looked like they were kind of taking me out. Oh, you need a hand. Yeah.

18:08Denis:I didn't look like I was, you know, swanning around with my two girlfriends. You need some support. I looked more like they'd taken me to the beach. Oh. Yeah. Fuck it. Like, it was really, it was terrible. Yeah. I think it was because I started swinging my arms.

18:27Denis:so yeah i don't know it's crap i'm trying to say so little go on what say whatever you want do you shake the thing say whatever you want it was like two minutes say whatever you want um okay come on i want to hear no i can see the visual yeah skipping and then get your big ice cream they actually did get me big ice sleep in the car go home i got a talk i got a toasty it was lovely god yeah where was this this was Donald Brighton oh nice yeah I was wandering around god love it we take a little break hello if you're listening on Spotify if you wouldn't mind to hit the button there to give us a five star review and follow thank you very much you didn't say a word to me during the break yeah I wish the listeners could see not a single word it's like you get just turned off I zone off I go off and have a walk around the place I went to the woods To put a penny in me Yeah a penny in you And get me going again Oh my god we couldn't have a better segue than this Oh Right I don't want to I don't want to To cast generalisations and stuff right But I was at the amusements over the weekend In Brighton Yes I love it On the pier Yeah One pound Yeah two pee Inside there So you put in one pound You get two pee back Fifty of them Oh in the little cup Yeah But you have to pay a pound Yeah To get on the pier No I didn't I could walk straight in Oh Yeah I got in Okay They weren't charging for some reason Oh I love that place Yeah going in there It's the misery I adore it Yeah it is It's the Coronation Street Yeah Two pence machine Yeah Yeah with all the stuff glued Yeah Downed allegedly And you could spend God You could pass a day Oh you could yeah There's a lot of people there No jobs I spent nearly Four pounds All day long Yeah yeah that's all I do And I'd say would you get your money back?

20:22No. But you're talking about pennies. Like you'd go a long time with two pounds worth of... How many two peas in a pound? 50? I'm not answering that. Is it?

20:35Denis:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of... Oh, yeah. You'd be ages. Yeah, I was on the Jurassic Park machine. What are they called? The little two pea like... You know, the ones where you put them in and then you have to... Is it like a tipping point type job? Like a fountain? Yeah. Yeah Got a rake of tickets off that one Got a load of two peas back Put in probably 52 peas Got about four two peas back Investment was pretty crap Yeah And no prize Yeah But what machine Like what's your kind of go to At the amusement That is my favourite Yeah That is my favourite And there might be an owl Oh How could you have An owl monkey That sticks to the wall See Sticky thing Throw a monkey You could win Is the monkey on the wall Are you throwing the monkey as a toy like a sticky thing or a frog sticky frog yeah yeah yeah sticky frog or an alien that'd be nice we used to go on holidays to where'd we go Le Hinch no you used to get a Bundoran or Miltow Melba no out up Donegal somewhere or where we went to Dunmore East one time all these places and you'd be in these like very just like holiday homes with the whitest white walls and not a thing on the wall not a curtain just the plainest buildings and we always used to win sticky fish or sticky frogs and the wall would be covered in dirt muck because the sticky frog you'd be throwing them off the wall in the place you're staying in they'd gather up shite and bits of hair and then that'd go onto the wall and all the coxes would just be throwing frogs off the wall that's it in the place that you're in great old times we'd go up to we'd go up to Bundoran and throw frogs off the wall brilliant great old times what else could you win you can't win as much now I hate to sound like I'm a million years old, but you really can't win as much.

22:20Denis:They're not giving you as much. You can't win as good a tat, I think, as you could win before. Well, you can physically win the thing, or you can tally up your tickets. Yeah, you can, yeah. And bring them to the desk. Yeah, and they take it very seriously at the desk of what you're getting. But you can't really win much. You have to get over 100 tickets to get anything decent. What would be the lowest? 60 tickets for a pencil. Yeah. It says, like, Cowabunga on it or something. You know what I mean? Like, real crap. And then you're going up into like aliens and like weasels and stuff. Maybe an alien in a little goo.

22:54Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:55Denis:That'd be like 600 tickets. Yeah, no, an alien egg thing, 100%. You know, you can get as well, are the airplanes that are like foam and you put them together and then you use them as gliders. Yeah. They're very popular. And then they break. Yeah, and then they break almost immediately. But I was going to say, I don't know, but actually before I go into that, my favorite thing is the clowns. is whacking the balls off the clowns. Throwing it into his mouth? No. No, no. What do you mean? That's a different amusement. No, this is the clown that has his mouth closed and there's about like nine of them.

23:32Denis:Three in each row, four in each row maybe. Whack-a-mole kind of. No, no, that's whack-a-mole. I can't see it. Where you're throwing a ball like off the clown's face and then it like flips back and he was hitting off clowns down to win. That's right. Yeah. To knock him back. Kind of, yeah, like a pure almost like a carnival game yeah yeah it was pretty good at that it was whacking clones okay being strong what's the one where you shoot it into his mouth what's that one there's ones where you have to throw balls into holes and it might be like oh a clone or whatever a creature's mouth or something but you know what the whole reason I bring this this thing up is not just that I went there but it didn't seem to be a very like gay spot unless they were running around didn't seem to where no the amusements didn't have a gay scene in there no do you know no it was very I would say you're smirking there now but families a lot of families yeah yeah but I'm surprised I thought like there's a couple of dance mats in there and stuff yeah do you know what I mean there really wasn't that many people or it wasn't that many people that I could spot anyway they'd be too good for it would they they'd be over it you said that I didn't yeah it's just a very family thing I think I know I love it though I could do it a bit more I think a bit more diversity in there potentially 100 % yeah but it's yeah it's very straight just day out did you get fish and chip?

24:56Denis:I didn't get fish and chip no no I had a packet of Starburst I was eating them I had a packet of Starburst Starburst and a can of absolute vodka and Sprite in my pocket Jesus yeah which leaked yeah yeah so then it looked like I was what was this for the day? this was that night for a night? did you stay? or you stayed in your friend's house? stayed in a friend's house but you know the funny thing is this is the second time we've met Lisa's friends in different couples in like the last two months and they've bought me in clean mad for amusements and in the ten years that she's known them they've never ever gone to the amusements with her so I think it might be a reflection on me that they want to go to the amusements they think you'd like it?

25:38Denis:I think they think I'd like it again a bit simple that energy isn't it like we won't bring him to the ivy we'll bring him down to the amusements like put him on the motorbikes what is going on there? that rollercoaster going, that's been broke for years they were broken at the back that's always broke I think there's a risk I made that up, I don't know if they were broken every time I've been the mouse one the actual amusements themselves were closed I was just in the gambling kind of tat section they were gone gone to the haunted house there's no haunted house there it's time haunted houses are shit yeah they're we're not talking about fucking Halloween when it's coming no it's not it's still summer coming soon back to school you're worse you're such September now you're like an old Irish woman like the minute pull in those evenings them off do you know what we like doing at home was talking about the difference of the time of the sun setting in the west of Ireland versus London.