#86 Mark and Denis Party in the Bushes

29:01Denis:somewhere to go what a last memory for him what would I do don't know just walk on call the police there was a bit in the video I actually watched with Trump Oops. Explode it, sorry. With Troy, something like that. Bubbles. With Troy. Yeah. That was a bit of air from the thing. With Troy. Where they were passing out. Oh, yeah. And a lad gave him a little bit of a tongue. Stuck out the tongue. Stuck out the tongue, like you kind of say, ah, at the doctor's, but cheeky. Yeah, cheeky. Is that a little signal? I've never seen it, but I wouldn't be surprised. Yeah. That could be the beginning. If you see me on the Kingsland Road, stick out the tongue.

29:42Stick it. That'd be nice. Because there was a fellow on the train today. I swear to God, I thought he was going to launch across the carriage and stab me. He was giving me these evil, like really severe eyes. And then he kind of stood up. I'm sure he's a big gay. He had a little tote bag. He was given like sexy, flirty eyes. She's getting it wrong. But they're so, it's so aggressive sometimes, the look that just stick out the tongue.

30:15Denis:I had a little flirt in the shoe back, so it was a gay man. Oh? Which I can only assume was a gay man, but it definitely was. Yeah. I was walking around with my big bag. It was actually when we finished the Beavers, walking around with my big bag. And that fucking weight and that. Yeah. Declan made me bring home a computer or something in the back of it. Cameras, yeah. And I was walking along and someone got up out of a seat and I went to go take it and then someone took it. And I did kind of go, oh, fuck's sake. Oh. and then this strapping young man next to me said oh would you like my seat would you like to sit on this yeah and i said i said oh no no it's it's fine i said i'll just stand here and be awkward something like that oh he guffawed oh yeah lovely man kitty yeah give us a visual now for the lads um like a pimlico um brown what do they call it brown camacote kind of thing oh um like a kind of a Ewan McGregor type Jude Law fella.

31:09Denis:Oh, posh boy. Yeah, but nice. Like, not a wanker. Yeah. You know what I mean? We must go now for our break, but we have a hotline dilemma that we have to sort out in the second half. Okay. I also have to tell you about my weekend. Yeah. Where I was being the most British person in the world. The Brits. And we have a few more bits and bobs to do. Oh, and I have a date test for you as well. Hello. If you're listening on Spotify, if you wouldn't mind to hit the button there to give us a five-star review and follow. Thank you very much. I'm sending you a text, a screenshot. Get your phone. Okay, here we go.

31:43Are you ready?

31:44Denis:Yeah, we've got some hotline business. I just got a new follower. Oh my lord. Bosco is following you. Bosco. Bosco is following you. Can you believe it? I think I've peaked. Now, not Bosco the drag queen. No, no, Bosco the Bosco. Bosco the clown. Bosco the... What the fuck is this? Puppet. No, it's like a doll or something, right? Like, is Bosco LGBT? I think Bosco's non-binary. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. I would say asexual non-binary. Asexual? Yeah. Presumptious? I think so. Wait, is Bosco... Is Bosco... A child? A child, yeah. No, I think it's a... Well, then, that would be asexual. No, I think Bosco is...

32:37That would be it. Oh. Well, that's Bosco and following you.

32:42Denis:That's it. Good to have you in, Bosco. You've been around a long time. Bosco can't be a child at this stage because Bosco is about 400 years old. Bosco is a good 40 years old. For the international listeners, it's a puppet that has children's TV shows in Ireland. Extremely important. This is a huge deal. I can't explain. I know everyone loves Bosco, but I really loved Bosco. I don't really like Bosco I really loved Bosco I used to love his little house Hello boys and girls There we go yeah And it's a little bit Dublin And it's a little bit That's the loudest I've ever spoken

33:27Bosco is gender neutral Who says? Non-binary Entertainment.ie

33:35Denis:after saying Bosco's non-binary has outed Bosco's are they them for anyone who's or American listeners especially just type that in though Bosco Ireland TV show tiny just after we talk about it being little wooden little tiny thing no features two dots in a mouth like when when Ireland was poor yeah this is what we do you remember the song

33:59oh yeah that is a banger in fairness I could do that at Rose's the hips are going and then they then would go down into the box and it was a house and they'd like have the camera in the toy box and you'd have all the little bits of furniture in the bed did you ever see bosco live he used to be on tour or they used to be on tour sorry bosco i don't know i think i'd say he they for bosco i think not very put out by that mark i think non-binary but leaning to the masculine side of the spectrum I think that would be okay I'd say definitely not she they oh fuck it's five years old it's five years old eternally five years old how they I love Bosco thanks for the follow Bosco

34:54Denis:where the fuck did I send I thought I sent a ream of messages to you about what from I can just get them in here sorry from our hotline. Oh yeah, I don't read half that. Okay, tell us, the listeners have been in touch. There's been a lot of listeners in touch, right? And there's one person who who sent us in quite a debacle. Can I say, can you keep them either summarize the story, drop a bullet. It's the longest thing in the world. They're so long, I can't. Mark, you have to stop doing this. Stop doing this, please. Right? These people are writing into us and then you're saying they're long and boring.

35:34But there's an edit. But if we sat here for...

35:36Denis:There's an edit. Well, we do. But you have to snap... We just talked about Bosco being an internal five-year-old and being asexual. I love Bosco. Walking 10 minutes. Okay, okay, okay. Right, we're going to start off with an easy one and then we'll get into the dilemma. Okay. Right, don't forget to message us in the hotline. That number is... 07... Oh, fuck. Not a clue. Anyway, it's on our website. you're into boyfriends.com click on that and it'll pop up on WhatsApp so I really love the podcast a bonus subscriber if that helps for your data like that do you like that I do have a question though how did you become so comfortable dating and things like that I guess also curious how it was for both of you starting out compared to how relationships and connections are for you now I graduated uni a year ago and I feel like maybe I have less experience than some of my colleagues that started working at the same time, even like the other gay guys I know and stuff.

36:32Denis:I imagine with time and stuff it may get easier, but just curious. So like how did you become so comfortable with dating? How did you become the tiger that you are today in Mark T. Cox? Well actually, I was always a legend. I think I think I have no choice. What do you mean? It's just a gift? I think I have a gift. I think I fucking hate my role in this podcast where I'm going to be the only person that answers this poor person honestly. I think I'd like to talk about me for 20 minutes. But you had it easy. No, I think there was a moment that I realised this is it. This is what I have. This is who I am.

37:14And you can be complaining and thinking about what you're not and what you don't look like and what you can't do. Or you can just kind of lean into the brand of whatever you are and just put it out and then whoever is into that will find it do you know what I mean instead of yeah I get that yeah don't be don't be worrying about the things that you're not because you can't you can spend an awful lot of time transforming yourself and trying to be a certain way but you'll drive yourself mad so whatever you are and like the people that I know who get loads of dates and have loads of fun and stuff they're just very very happy in themselves and comfortable and confident it's hard to do that though but like for example So like I was at a thing, I won't say exactly what it was, but like a very LGBT.

38:04Horse fur. Environment. And there was so many people there who you imagine have it all. They're like six foot tall, big muscles, beautiful, big jobs, loads of money. And there was hundreds of them. And then there was someone else who was like a bit kind of nerdy and like not very fashionable and not very like, just didn't seem to give a shit really about how they were being perceived and that was like that's very attractive and so you waddle over and you're you're attracted to people who feel comfortable in

38:39Denis:yeah who they are what they are i think my practical advice right is one thing is people don't take as much notice of the small stuff as much as you think to do so like for instance Lisa went to work today and only at noon did she realise that her dress was on inside out label on the back and nobody noticed nobody had a clue she obviously had a heart attack when she noticed but nobody had a clue that it happened she texted you she texted me and she was having a heart attack when she was laughing but no one noticed, she's walking around no one fucking notices but I think practical advice for getting used to dating I think that's really good advice what you're giving is like if you're interested in something like I don't know what it could be like even Warhammer or whatever it is right yeah or vinyl or I don't know name something that isn't exactly uh uh surfing surfing who knows right and you just you just worry about that and just talk about that not to like a um freak an incredibly like boring way or whatever yeah but i wouldn't try and work on being good at dating because what can happen is if you become really good at dating is you actually get to know no one we've had this conversation before you start like hosting dates and then you become really a good dater you don't really want to become that either yeah and i also wouldn't worry there's two things as well right if you're just out of uni or whatever and you're worried about other people's experience half it's bullshit for a start yeah right they're lying right some of them are genuine some of them have you know done 57 69s whatever but a lot of it's bullshit and they haven't yeah um and you're so young at that stage that you can just i think just try and get comfortable in yourself yeah but at the same time don't worry about this stupid like rat race of trying to date or trying to get in a relationship or whatever it'll happen like you said you've got colleagues and stuff like it could happen with one of them you know yeah and just be i when i was like young in dublin and had moved from the country i didn't know i never knew the stuff that people were talking about and i used to feel so kind of silly and insecure um i wish i had been a bit more like i don't care about that yeah i don't i don't give a fuck about that type of wine i don't know about that yeah that's not And people love that when you do that.

41:07Like when you actually are your own person, they love it. Instead of pretending. Or people, the gays, and if you date any older gays, they're fucking notorious. They'll just start, like I just did to you, start rattling off things that you've never heard of. Like Troy Savan. But who gives a fuck? Like there's millions of things in the world that you could be interested in. And if you don't know about a DJ, who cares? Just be confident and say, I don't know about that. I don't really like DJs.

41:34Denis:And also be willing to go on a few terrible dates as well Yeah Like go on Hinge or whatever right And like if you want to go date dates Obviously go on Hinge I think Yeah Probably the best advice But like go on there Have some terrible fucking dates They're hilarious They're good stories to have or whatever Even if they are disasters Especially when you're younger And just meet as like Kind of as many people as you can really And don't be putting too much weight on it A nice snappy Snappy date that you can get out of Yeah And never ever go for food No dinner Never go for food No dinner I mean extra reasons probably on get out of the dinners they're too long they're weird yeah go for a little walk go for a little coffee keep it almost do like a hey I don't actually have time for a full date but yeah I have an hour do you want to grab some ice cream and then if they're the best person ever you can stick around and get another drink I always have a little plan I always I always say I have to leave if so if you brought me on a date now where would we go well this is very interesting because I actually want to talk to you about dates you want to take me on a date I do want to take you on a date oh Where do you want to go?

42:35And I'll give you my reaction. First date. We're texting now, so you've sent me... Do you want to go for a coffee in Hyde Park? You've sent me a tease at the midriff, and what would earn a date?

42:46Denis:I have to... I have to do some work. I have to do some video production. I have to call in there as a client, right? I'm making all this up, and I might lie about that as well, if I was trying to go on a date with you. But I'm going to be in Hyde Park around there for about two hours. Do you want to go grab a coffee? Oh, I'm finishing a tour at half three. oh great yeah okay do you want to meet at like quarter to four give us some time quarter to four I have to be in Whitechapel fuck that at six if you fucking told me that I'd be gone I would say that if you gave me two if you gave me two times I'd be like no I'll say I have I'll say I'll meet you at a quarter to four I have to be in Whitechapel at six no I'd be like no no well I'm letting you know I'm not not that I don't like you I'm not running away I have a plan but wait till I tell you if it's gone well I could text someone and cancel that plan that fake plan well I would say if it really was me and I was texting you I would probably say like how how hard of a plan is that thing at Whitechapel I'd say it's because that's my way out if I don't like you yeah but I'd probably say that to you oh you would yeah I'd probably say like what are you doing later on whatever well then you'd say maybe we should do another time no no no No, but I'm asking you what you would say back to that.

44:04So I said I have to be in Whitechapel at six o 'clock.

44:06Denis:No, I'm being a little bit flirty and forward and I'm saying, well, like, what's so important at six o 'clock? Well, I'd say, isn't an hour and a half enough? That's all you're getting. And then I'd say something like, well, you know, we'll see about whether or not you'll go to... Would that not be enough? An hour and a half is plenty. An hour and a half is plenty. To get to know someone. For a quick walk around in a coffee, that's fucking, that's more than enough. You'd have, you'd know in five minutes London but London dating is different then as well no I've gone on dates that are fucking going for like 7 hours absolutely not we've gone for ages no going all over the city no it's not fun my time's tight

44:51my time the watch is tight famously tight the time

44:57Denis:we have to go back to this person for a second right so the advice Wait, wait, wait, can I just go back and just give you one thing, right? When I was younger, I was all over the place, right? And you don't, you just don't really have, even if people are pretending, you don't really have the confidence back then, right? Some people might glide through life, I really don't think they do, but you just develop it over time, even though it doesn't seem very obvious now. Yeah. But I did kind of stick to what I wanted, I think, but in ways which changes over time. but if you stick to what you want and you know who you want and whatever and you kind of wait for that i think you'll be happier yeah so don't be rushing in just tick off a box and just be like well i've gone and you know i've been in a million relationships because it's not always greener just think about what you want and what you want in someone and as long as it's not completely off the fucking wall yeah and and also if they won't meet you for longer than an hour and a half probably call it off i'd say fucking hell you wouldn't i don't know how you'd fare over in the site like You guys say, well actually you'd probably do really well.

46:00Denis:That's more than enough. You'd be so fecking demanding. No. I just want to, I saw something today, right? It was, it was very funny. It was in The Guardian. Oh. I'm going to get it up now, but it's going to take just a couple of seconds. Take your time. But it was about two gays going on a date. Oh. Right? No, we're not going to weigh in too much on the two gays, right? And their experience of the date. But I want us to do the same thing they did. And they basically, they were asked questions about how the date went and what they did and like the ratings and stuff. Okay. To be honest, I thought one of the ratings was a bit, a bit harsh.

46:37Denis:I think if you're going on a national newspaper, you should probably just rate everyone great. So, they asked some questions. Who's this now? Sorry. This is just a blind date. The Guardian set it up. They do this in The Guardian. They do a blind date set up two people. So in this case, it's David and Dec. Dec 31 and David 34. so they meet up and then they do a little they ask him some questions to summarize the date so as an example right deck on Dave what are we hoping for a sweet hearted madman who would make me belly laugh okay yeah so what we're going to do now is we're going to pretend we have gone on a date and then we're going to see what like review yeah review like what we would be most likely to do we think the other person would do on a date and then we can kind of see whether we're right or wrong okay alright so we're going to do you first So you're going to go Mark on Dennis Right So what were you hoping for?

47:32I was hoping To turn him

47:35Denis:Oh well actually sorry It's a blind date It's a blind date So you wouldn't know Are you gay? I mean For the date where Just for the day Just for the crack Just for the job For the laugh The winter solstice What was I hoping for? I was hoping for Jolly For someone to make me feel very pretty to make me laugh and to have loads of money Alright, cool I have about three of those things Do you want to go through your one first and then maybe go to my one then afterwards So first impressions Not as tall as I thought or I'd like I'm joking I'm joking First impression I think looks a bit like we could be brothers Okay that's your thing though right yeah very nice very caring he had brought flowers and had brought coffee so I definitely would never bring flowers you wouldn't ever to me no I don't know you it's a blind date I would never bring flowers I think I think anyone who goes in for the movie date thing I think you're in for a bad time have you ever like brought anything like if you bring a box of chocolates to a date to a first date fucking hell You're carrying the round then all night?

48:54Denis:I know, but they just won't accept it. Yeah. Do you know what I was... I know, it's a bit... I watched the program during the week. I actually turned it off. It was too bad. It was about mail-order brides and the booming business of it. Jesus. Right? Just in case things went wrong, I thought I'd have a backup plan. Yeah. But there was a lad, and he was 24, 5 or something. He was from England. Snorm a fella. And he went off to Ukraine. Yeah. Right? Because there's a surplus of women over there at the moment. Oh. and so he went off he went off there and he met this girl right now I have no problem saying this right especially for what happens this lad should have been down on his fucking hands and knees for this woman that he met yeah she seemed pretty nice too right they are not meant to have sex and that's the thing they're not meant to do and they did oh again this lad should be getting up bang the lotto running around the place she's great just fucking there you go and then he went back to your one to the person who's kind of you know whatever the organizer the organizer yes great word to the organizer and said do you know what that was great but I think I'll actually date a few more women you cheeky fucker like and this is paid for by the television well I don't know what way they're involved but like I was like oh you cheeky bastard oh he's just trying to get the ride yeah and I was like but it's funny right like chances of him getting a ride before this zero oh he gets one ride and then he all goes to his head have a look at yourself I've been watching love on the spectrum well that's really good oh my god it's so good it's so like wholesome and it's like we're going for dinner I'm going to dress up I'm going to put on my shirt I'm going to bring flowers it's all like the chocolates in the movie and stuff like that this is how you do it maybe that's what we need yeah but when you so to go kind of to intertwine with what the listener was telling us right is that like when I was younger I did believe that that's what it was like I did believe it was you bring flowers and chocolates.

50:55Denis:And if you're like a gent and whatever, that'll impress them, right? But when you're in the kind of, you know, like the, let's say, 15 plus bracket. Yeah. That's not what impresses them at all, right? And then you get into early 20s. It's probably not what impresses them at all. You have to kind of push into maybe the late 20s, 30s. But turning up, it depends where you are, right? If you're turning up for a date in London with flowers and chocolates, dead in the water. I know, it's cringe. dead in the water but you have to but this is the thing they say they want you have to come across like you don't care kind of which is a shame no i will say this but i don't anymore and i don't have to but like i definitely stop playing any sort of games yeah because you do get you do start playing games whether you think you're the best person in the world or not it is very hard not to play games like as in games with like it could be as small as oh i better not text them back because they might think I'm interested.

51:51Denis:I might not text them back for a few hours. I better make up a fucking fake escape plan just in case they think I'm... I better only meet them for an hour. Yeah, in case they think... Okay, what's next? Next up is what did you talk about? He told me about his figurines. Yeah, what are they called? His Warhammer friends. I found a Warhammer shop in Tokyo and I meant to go back. Sorry, never mind. I just couldn't be arsed. I thought of you for a minute and nearly bought something. You've got me lovely gifts. And then I did. So are you talking about Warhammer? Figurines. I told him about my multiple lives and my cabaret career.

52:33Yeah. And we talked about people back home. Yes. And tracing people that we know.

52:43Denis:Which is the most Irish thing you can do. Yeah. What was the most awkward moment? I think when your girlfriend texts That was awkward That was awkward I thought I had The notifications turned off I have a I have a profile Yeah That I just called Silent Silent She popped up Yeah What's the next question? Good table manners Have we gone for dinner? You absolute We have Good table Why are you questioning this? I'm just wondering Can I remember? We've gone for burgers I don't know Have we gone for dinner proper? Oh we've sat down at some meals I think so yeah yeah good tidy no slurping no slurping yet no messing no okay grand I can't believe you had to think about that the best thing about Dennis oh what's this game fucking full stop what's this game this is supposed to be about me yeah but it'll be about you after the best thing was he isn't a racist and in these times that's the most you can hope for that's a fantastic compliment yeah would you introduce Dennis to your friends absolutely yeah when you met me first absolutely yeah they'd love it okay describe Dennis in three words only three now I'll give you give an example mustached kind grounded is an answer here oh handsome funny thank you peach Beach.

54:15Beach?

54:18Denis:What's Declan laughing at over there? Punching away. All right, we must end it here. We're going to go into the bonus episode. I was talking about my weekend away being the most British man of all time. Oh, yeah. We're going to go into more hotline questions, actually, as well. We've got a big dilemma coming up that we must discuss. Okay, come on over for a bonus episode on headstuffplus.com where you can come on a second date with your internet boyfriends and hear all the dirt that we're not allowed to tell here to the general public. We have new episodes every Thursday. If you have a comment, question or story, send us a DM on Instagram or TikTok.

54:51Lovely.

54:57Denis:Looking to get even closer to your favourite shows this International Podcast Day? To celebrate, we're saying thank you by giving you the chance to dive deeper with a full month of Headstuff Plus totally free. This means you'll unlock exclusive bonus episodes, ad-free listening and priority access for live event tickets across the whole network. Enjoy more from Young Hot Guys, The Lovely Show, Your Internet Boyfriends, The Dating Orange, and so many others. Simply use the code PODCASTDAY26 at checkout. Make sure to join before October 4th at headstuffpodcast.com with the code PODCASTDAY26 to claim your first month on us.

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