Live Like You Have 2 Years Left with dancer and cancer survivor Angela Trimbur

0:00This episode is brought to you by True Classic. I love their t-shirts. I've been wearing them for a long time before they became a sponsor. I personally like the v-necks and all of the basic colors. I like earth tones. I could get dressed with my eyes closed. It's pretty good. But I love their stuff and I'm really proud to have them as a sponsor. You survived cancer. Yes. What kind of person were you before and who are you now? If I had two years left, what I want to say, I stayed in my rent control department and I continued holding on to this great space that I have. No, I'd want to let it all go.

0:35I'd want to let everything go that I own. I want to move to Manhattan and be a dance teacher. And so I'm like, okay, I sold everything and I moved with like$3 ,000 to New York City. What if you found out that you only had six months left to live? You'd probably start knocking things off your bucket list, empty your bank account and try and live life to the fullest. But what if you were told you had five years left to live? You might put some of those bucket list things off for a while. But what if you only had two years left to live? It's a strange middle ground. Not enough time to waste, but enough time to do things with more patience or intention.

1:13Well, that's exactly where Angela Trimber found herself after being diagnosed with breast cancer. The result profoundly changed how she spends her time, the path her career took, and the person she became. Angela replaced her chase for perfection and her need to control everything with a pursuit of joy. And now, through what she calls sentimental weird dance classes, she helps other people tap into something they didn't even know they were missing. Angela has learned to live a life worth living, and she's teaching others how to do the same. This is a bit of optimism. You are one of my favorite artists, and I'll tell you why.

1:58Okay, yes. And I'll tell you why. I love art. I love all of the arts. I love dance. I love good theater, painting. I like photography. I like the arts. I like things that excite my senses. But the thing that I hate about the arts is the arts tend to be very exclusive and also make people feel like, and inaccessible is the word I'm looking for. In fact, you know, you talk to like symphonies or opera companies or even some dance companies, ballet companies, and all they do is complain about how they can't get new people to come and yet they're arrogant and distant. And museums, the same. I've always said to friends, you know, the only reason you need to say why you like a piece of art is I don't know.

2:43I just like it. That's just where it starts. And one of the reasons you're my favorite art, one of my favorite artists is because you have made a career out of making art accessible. It is the least elite thing that you do and the most welcoming thing that you do. Thank you. Yeah, it's really like to make something that I would want to be a part of is where that comes from. And I used to feel so like I want to spend time with artists and I'd go to a dinner party with them. And for some reason, I still felt like, why is there a disconnect? And it's big words are floating around. And I'm like, I don't know that reference.

3:23You know, just these things that made me feel smaller and smaller. I respect these people, but there's something that just felt, yeah, it feels like I drive home and I'm like, wow, I should have said this. I should have said this. But just so creating a world where that feeling doesn't come up for anyone is just what motivates me to. In your training, you're not a trained ballerina. No. No. I mean, my mom owned a dance studio when I was little. So I grew up in a dance studio. But no, I haven't trained since I was 12. Which makes it even better. Yeah. know what you do. I know sometimes I'm, I like, don't want to, I want to study other choreographers work and things like that.

4:03But then I'm like, Ooh, but I don't want to start getting in my head and I don't want to learn counts. Like I don't do counts in class. I like, I think that's left side of the brain. And yeah. Cause it really is. So how did you start your, cause you do basically, I mean, I guess it's best described as like pop-up classes. They're like, it's very gorilla. Yeah. You know, wherever I can get a space. Wherever you can get a space, you'll make an announcement on social media saying having a class, whoever wants to come, come. And that's the class. Then that's when it is. And that's where it is. There's very little, as you said, there's very little structure to it.

4:35Right. How did that all start? Because I know your stuff because I know I just know from social media, but I actually don't know your story, if I'm honest. Well, I think kind of like my first break into dance, so to speak, was back in 2012. I went back when YouTube kind of viral was a new word floating around. I had a dance video that went viral and it was called Dance Like Nobody's Watching. and it was just that I had some something due for this brand hello giggles and it was like I was staring at like a blinking cursor I wasn't inspired I didn't know what to do and I'm like getting over a breakup and I was sad about it and I wanted to try to find some energy to push through because that was why I was depressed and not writing and so I thought oh why don't I I'm gonna go to the laundromat where we had a breakup and I'm gonna dance and I'm gonna put headphones in.

5:27And so I just went and I put headphones in and I filmed myself dancing and nobody looked at me or anything. Nobody even acknowledged me. And it turned into like, okay, dance like nobody's watching because nobody was. And I just shot it once and that was it. And I handed that in as what instead of the writing piece. And then they put it up and it was like millions of views. It was on the news. Like it was just this really crazy thing. And then it started, other people wanted to do dance like nobody's watching. And so people are starting to like dance in public places and calling it the same thing.

6:01And I did a few other ones. And so I, then that's when like casting directors would see me. Cause I, I was acting at the time and like casting directors were like curious about me and bringing me in, but as a dancer, like just as this optimistic, let it all go dancers. So that kind of like put me on the map in that way. And then I started, um, a dance squad. We did like community women's community basketball game, halftime dance shows, which was kind of like a really more performance art irreverent. Cause we weren't, I don't know. There's just something really cool about. You're not cheerleaders.

6:38We're not cheerleaders, but you have a minute and a half to infect joy to, and keep the energy going. So the concept of like a halftime dance, I love, you can't go wrong. Um, and so I did that for six years and then I started As a job? No. Just for fun? Just for fun. With a bunch of friends? With a bunch of friends. It was an audition process. It was like a strict, like you had to be there every, you know, like it was a, that was very structured. Yeah. And through that, then I also started doing these things called slightly guided dance parties. And that was like, cause I went into a house party and I was seeing people in the living room just bopping.

7:19They're just going like this. And I was just like watching. I'm like, why is like no one goes for it? There's always one person that like goes for it. And they're like the drunk one or like the attention seeker. But I'm like, no, they're actually the only ones really dancing here. And then that song came on that was like, throw your hands in the air, wave them like you just don't care. And everyone seemed relieved to know what they should be doing. And I was like, oh, that's what they just need to be slightly guided. So the song gave them the guidance. Yes. And I saw the relief. And I'm like, oh, people just don't know what to do.

7:52So they're trying to exist without taking up space and dance. And so then I thought, what if I just made a slightly guided dance party and it would be me up there on stage, like slightly guiding people through a dance party, which so it's like 60 % guided. And then I'd like leave you off and then you have three songs you could do on your own. But it really worked. and it was silly. And I would give a little speech before to just kind of get everyone out of their shell. Like, don't try to be cool. There's no tunnel vision here. Like make eye contact with people. It would be, I'd call it like awkward prom and we'd start off with awkward prom.

8:32And I'm like, you hold the other person this far away. Frankensteining. Yeah, exactly. You Frankenstein dance. And then I say switch and then you find somebody else. And it's to like, you know, All My Life by Casey and Jojo. And so you're meeting like 17 new people and you're starting all these conversations. And so like, that's the icebreaker. And then there's, I'd put on like juvenile, like slow motion. And then everyone's like, I was like, you have to dance in slow motion, the whole song. And like, people would do that. And then we are going to dance three songs on their own. But just because they had some guidance, it really kind of started that.

9:04It broke the ice. So what I love about this is there's this magical creativity in it, which is, first of all, everybody has everybody it's amazing how many people have the bumper sticker or the mac the fridge magnet that says dance like no one's watching but it's an idea nobody actually does it and i love that you actually did it yeah were you always that way are you uh sort of don't mind making a fool of yourself in public is that part of who you are did that show up i'm curious why it showed up when it showed up is it just something you want you always it's like oh it's it's angela doing her thing again no was that sort of out of out of character it was out of character i was really nervous doing it like it was just this thing where i'm like i'm so depressed how do i get undepressed how do i get myself through this and then i'm like what's scary what's scary i'm dancing in public is so scary so then i that's when i i don't know what the light bulb was that made me want to do it at the laundromat but um no i was like a creative idea it wasn't like a creative idea to get your assignment done no no it hadn't that was what i was going to do to break the myself up so that i could go back to writing and then just decided like i'll just hand this in instead but no i was really nervous this was before tiktok obviously and and before dancing public got became such a it's now a thing yeah it's now a thing so setting up a camera and then dancing um no it was really nervous i didn't do things like that before you know like it was just for me.

10:29I wasn't even going to do with it. Yeah. Cause I wasn't even posting things like that on social at the time. It was just for me. And I think that that's kind of like keeping things feeling authentic. Like if you're just doing it for you or if you're making something cause it doesn't exist and you want it to exist, like those are things that have a purity to them. So we have to go down this path, which is you survived cancer. Yes. How did it change you? How did it change who you are? Like what kind of person were you before and who are you now? Well. How long ago did you have it? I was diagnosed in 2018.

11:10I'm surprised. I don't know when I'm going to cry when I talk about things like that, but just your question posed that feeling. I would say before I was very controlling. I was really codependent. Even with the dance squad that I had, because I was diagnosed when I was running the dance squad, like it was really like, we're family. We're all together. Like we meet this time. This is it. No, you can't. You're going to come late. No, you can't come late. Like I was like this like dance captain energy. That was like kind of a character, but not really because I really had these feelings. Um, like with, in relationships, I was really like, who are you texting?

11:47You know, there's just this like grasp that I had on things. And that's just from like not being close with my family. And when my family didn't really show up when I went through cancer, like, you know, my sister were close, but not super, we weren't super close at the time. And my dad and mom not, not showing up. It reminded me like, wow, chosen family is like all I have. And this is probably why I'm like clingy like this to people. More of afraid of losing them. More of afraid of losing them. Yeah. I'm so holding on so tight. And then cancer just kind of taught me how to not overthink. I had this therapist that, so I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018 and learned that I had the BRCA gene, which is like a family, you know, you have to reach out to your family.

12:37And so that was when I had to like finally reach out to my mom. I haven't talked to her in so long. So it kind of like forced these dominoes to fall that I was kind of blocking and letting go of you saying goodbye to like your breasts that you've that are that represent motherhood that are very sexual. like I loved my breasts like I thought they were perfect and they were like my they were like my calling card like sexually I like couldn't wait to undo my shirt and like reveal them in their glory and so to have that be like now you're not gonna have sensation there and they're taken away and they're not gonna be as attractive anymore and you don't have that anymore and and I can't breastfeed and like so just all these things that I had as things I never thought I wouldn't so you're kind of like stripped away from a lot of things that connected you to yourself and the future.

13:29And so there was a therapist that kind of came along with like Cedars has a, not a lot of people know this, like in the breast cancer community, you have access to a therapist that's meant just for that. You have to kind of like know to ask for it. But I started working with one and she taught me about how the main goal is to keep your stress levels low. And so in life, but especially now. And so I'd ask her things and she'd be like, whatever makes you the least amount of stress, that's the decision that you make. And so I started kind of like anything that made me feel tense, I learned how to kind of let go.

14:07And I would say, in a nutshell, I just really learned about myself and how to be gentle on myself and how to let life unfold as it will, that you can't control things. You have to trust the universe and you kind of have to trust fall backwards and be like, I don't know what the plan is. I don't know what the lesson is, but I'm sure it's going to make sense soon. And like when I was first diagnosed, all these survivors can't, you know, that I don't know. And they were like, trust me, you're going to love who you become after and you're not going to regret it. You wouldn't take it back. And at first I'm like, yeah, right.

14:41This is going to be awful. But in retrospect, I really like who I became. I say that I had an edge to myself. Like I was doing comedy. I was like making sketches and being funny and like always on and going through cancer really made me relax. And I feel softer. I'm a little bit more of an observer sometimes. I feel more wallflowery. And sometimes I miss the zing zang girl, but I just feel I like the softer side. How did you learn to settle the mind? Because it's easier said than done, right? Oh, just make the don't stress yourself and don't overthink things. Like every overthinker overthinks about overthinking.

15:22Right. You know, it's like stop overthinking, stop overthinking. You're always overthinking. Like what did you have to go to to actually settle the mind? learning how to say no to things that don't sound like I think the pandemic kind of taught a lot of people that but I went through this before the pandemic I just learned how you have you don't want to do something that you have plans with like it's okay to cancel like because you're sick so you you kind of have an excuse well it wasn't an excuse but your energy levels you're tired like I had this respect from other people like, okay, she's literally, you know, in chemo.

15:59So if she wants to cancel plans, she can, but you don't have to be going through anything to do that. Like you don't have to have an excuse. It's just whatever you need to get through. And I think I was always a FOMO person. I want to miss out. I can't let this person down. I'm going to go, I'm going to do this. I got to do that. Even if I don't want to, I don't know. There's just something that learning how to prioritize your needs was something I never really did. It was just acting out of fear. During the pandemic, we all, a lot of us learned that lesson and then the pandemic ended and the lessons faded away and we went back to the people we didn't want to be, you know, productivity obsessed, you know, et cetera.

16:38I don't think as many of us have kept the lifestyle or the lessons that we imagined that we would now that it sort of seems so far away now right but you have kept it you made it through the cancer you made it through the chemo and you didn't become controlling again you are a your words a different better version of yourself what have you done to not go backwards like again i understand it in it but after it you've maintained it what's the mentality what's the practice that you've been able to maintain the calmness maintain the and I I have to believe that the dancing like no one will see you when was that that was like 2012 so that was pretty early yeah that and that's also related to cancer so my um so I went through because I was public with what I went through I had a lot of people that came up to me that would see me in public, like, thank you so much for sharing.

17:40And my mom went through this. And then I'd say, oh, good. How are they now? And they're like, well, it came back two years later. And I kept hearing two. I kept hearing recurrence after two years. And I was like, what is this two? What's the two message? Is it going to come back for me? And so I started thinking if I only operate as if I had two years left, and it sounds like it's a dark thought, but it's actually not because the timeline makes sense for anybody. You don't stay stagnant. You don't have six months. You're not bucket listing. You're not blowing money. You're also not like five-year plan where you're like, I have some time to get there, like two years, if I only had two years left.

18:14And so I asked myself when I was living in LA, if I had two years left, would I want to say I stayed in my rent control department and I continued holding onto this great space that I have and just kind of, it's like, what would I want to do? No, I'd want to let it all go. I'd want to let everything go that I own. I want to move to Manhattan and be a dance teacher. I want to say that I was a dance teacher in Manhattan. And so I'm like, okay, I'm doing it. I worked on this show called Search Party and I lived in Brooklyn for the first time for three months. It was like a whole summer of filming.

18:47And as soon as I went there, I'm like, this is another sign. So I sold everything and I moved with like $3 ,000 to New York City. And I don't know how I did it, but I got an apartment and I started, I was like I just have to start teaching and through the dance following that I kind of built from all the other things I'd mentioned because I started doing these dance parties at like the MoCA in LA and I had they were like 300 people coming so I had like yeah yeah so I had kind of like a following and then the the classes somebody from the times took the class and benunct to me and asked to do like a feature on me when I was there and so after living in New York for two months.

19:25I had a Times article about my unique dance class approach. And then the classes ever since then were sold out. And now I'm... So this, first of all, it's worth underscoring because it is such a profound thought, which is to live life as if you only have two years left. And as you said it, which is, if it's a six month sentence, you start bucket listing, you start emptying your bank account. But if you said, if you have, oh, I've got five years, then you keep putting it off. And two years is sort of this kind of a sweet spot of like it adds some urgency, but not a crazy urgency and not a bucket list response.

20:01But rather, I've always wanted to do this thing that is an investment rather than an event. What about you? What would you do two years? That's a great question. What would I do? I feel like you kind of live like this already. I think I kind of do. I kind of do. I sounded like Christopher Walken there. I kind of do. I kind of do for different reasons. There's one thing that you said that I learned only pretty recently, which is I'm better at saying no. But the more important part is I don't owe anybody an explanation. And that's been very powerful for me because I think very often, look, I don't want to lie.

20:36But when people say, can you do something for me? And you come up with, well, I'm so busy. But at the end of the day, if I really wanted to do it, I'd find the time. Or canceling plans because I either just changed my mind. You know, I canceled going to a wedding. You know, like RSVP, yes. No, it's not like the day before, but like three months, four months before the wedding, I just decided I didn't want to travel and I just didn't want to go, you know, in that case, I probably owed an explanation. But, uh, but, uh, but I found that like, I just say, thanks so much for inviting me, but I'm going to pass or I'm so sorry to do this, but I, I, I'm going to cancel.

21:11and I don't have to like text or say like all of this stuff to justify my canceling or justify saying no and tie myself to the answer is I don't want to do it and that's yeah that's it and people are fine with it I found nobody nobody slams their hand on the table and says give me the reason I'm like nobody actually cares yeah and that's the other thing I've learned is nobody actually gives a shit about me at all yeah people are on their own journey they're always thinking they're doing their own thing and the only reason they get upset is because that somehow upsets their dinner table I had it planned for an even number and now it's an odd number it's still nothing to do with me it's their table not mine so that's been a very new lesson for me it's powerful too it's not just the saying the no it's that I don't actually owe an explanation yeah because so many times you're like I gotta go to this thing why do you have to go do you have Jomo now?

22:03do you have the joy of missing out? is your FOMO you still got it in there? No, I would say there's a joy of missing out for sure. There's just like a... Like everybody's at the party and you're looking at it on Instagram and you're just at home in your jammies with a tub of ice cream watching TV. You know, it's like, have fun. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's always going to be another party. There's always going to be. It's not a once in a lifetime chance. Yeah, no one's thinking, everyone's thinking about themselves. Everyone's on their own journey. Let's go back to the dance classes. Because we haven't really explained to anybody what they're like.

22:42It's whoever wants to come. As you said, there's no like one and two and there's no counting. No counts. There's no skill level. Even the teacher has no formal training. Right. The only skill the teacher brings is a love of life and the ability to dance like nobody's watching. Yep. Which is what you do in spades. and what is so magical about your class is people living out these sort of childhood fantasies of I'm going to be a ballerina and like little kids dressing up to go to take their ballet class and your people, your students, they're dressing in pink tights and leotards and it's dance class as if we're little kids and kind of like little kids, nobody really knows how to dance and none of it matters.

23:27Yes, I teach a bunch of different kind of classes. Like one is called 13, That's the first one. My pitch before I teach is like, imagine we're all 13 years old again, and we're in a backyard and it's just my backyard because I have the corner house and it's the bigger backyard, but there's no hierarchy here. We're just all making up a dance and we're going to show our parents before dinner. And our parents would be like, okay, that was interesting. Go wash your hands. Like the stakes are so low. No one's better than anyone else. No one's cooler than anyone else here. We're all like the same. And so that's called 13.

23:59And then the exercises, like for some reason, hearing that gets people, okay, there's no Beyonce's backup dancer here, like working mentally, like staying on top of choreo. Like we're just telling a story and the stakes are low. It's making the show for the parents at dinner. I mean, we've all done that. Yeah, exactly. You get it. Living room recital vibes. Lipstick is makeup. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. And so those classes. and then I went to a ballet class in New York because I did want to start immersing myself in the dance community. And I took ballet when I was a kid. I'm like, you know, there's something beautiful and elegant about it.

24:38And I went and I found myself bored in the class and no disrespect to ballerinas because they're athletes and what they do, they've dedicated their entire lives to it. But I'm in ballet class and I have to do like little tiny things to graduate. to like, you can't just jump in and like, we're going to do some, a piece from Swan Lake today. You know, you have to like graduate all these levels. And I'm like, Oh, I want to do this. I don't care about technique. I just want to wear the outfits and jump around and do arabesques and stuff. And so I thought, Oh, okay, why don't I just like create a beginner ballet class where we can pretend that we're professionals.

25:16And because all the, you know, center stage, black Swan, all these ballet movies that we're so obsessed with, it's because they're so unattainable. It's a world that you don't belong in because you had to have dedicated everything or you were rejected from it because you got boobs or you'd had a bad turnout. There's a lot, also a lot of ballet trauma, which I noticed people that came to my 13 class afterwards, they thanked me and they're like, I haven't been in a dance class since my ballet class when I was seven or 12. So I realized that some of the dance blocks were from ballet trauma from people and they have this perfectionism stuck where they'll now they really don't belong because it's been so long and I can't.

25:59So that's when I started realizing, okay, that maybe there's a bridge here and I can start making this ballet core class. So ballet core, you know, is like this trend or core, cottage core. It's like you dress as if you live in a cottage or, you know, a fairy core, you dress. I don't know this. Oh yeah. Yeah. So ballet core became a fashion trend. A CORE or a C-O-R-P-S? C-O-R-E. Okay. And so I'm like, okay, I'll call it ballet core because that's sort of the same thing. We're dressing like we are professional ballerinas. So that was the thing. And I'm like, oh, okay. And part of these movies are, there's always like the mean teacher that comes in or like the strict mademoiselle.

26:38There's always that villain in ballet movies. And I'm like, that's kind of also part of it. So if there's a ballerina, like people would be like, my teacher was so, you know, whatever. I'm like, okay, maybe in order for me to show how playful this is, I need to play a role too. So I'm going to play the role of Miss Angela. So I like walk into the studio and I'm wearing like an all black 1940s outfit and I have sunglasses and a fake cigarette because all ballerinas smoke. So we have these like fake cigarettes and I come in, I slam the door. everyone's like like new people are like what's happening and all the other people that have been here before like oh and they get into this like oh she's here she's here you know and I'm like bonjour company and like I like act like this and um I hand out fake cigarettes to the new people and I'm like your role is to play like the rebel ballerina so we're like the Mila Kunis of Black Swan we're the the motorcycle and center stage we're the rat kings of the nutcracker like we are the rebels.