785. The Pressure to Peak in Your 20s and 30s is a Lie

0:14Hi, everybody. Welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. It's Linz. I'm so glad you're here for a solo episode. I wanted to pop in and talk about something I've been thinking about recently. And that thing is just how our dreams and manifestations are not meant to happen in our twenties and thirties only. I feel like there is this underlying pressure to get it all done or get it all established in our twenties and thirties. And it's just a myth. And I think I was robbing myself of this truth that hopefully my life is long and hopefully I'm going to have a trajectory of experiences that fill my life. You know, I don't really believe that I should have a peak in my life or a peak decade or a peak moment.

1:07Um, because then what does that say about all of the other decades or moments in my life? So I want to talk about this. It's going to be, uh, kind of like a mini episode. I feel like it's a concept that can be short and powerful, and hopefully you'll take away some pieces of insight that you can just kind of chew on for yourself and apply to your own life. But welcome to the show. Almost 30 is a place that I hope will be supportive during seasons of change. It is a place that Krista and I really wanted to create for ourselves in our late 20s. And now we have a book. So if you haven't gotten the book, Almost 30, A Definitive Guide to a Life You Love for the Next Decade and beyond.

1:47You can get it now anywhere books are sold in person, online. And I also think it's a great gift for anyone in your life that is moving through change, definitely in their late twenties, early thirties, but also anytime in their lives. Okay. So let's get to it. Um, I am 37 when I'm recording this, I turned 38 in September and I am living some of my biggest manifestations to date. And those include, you know, marrying my best friend, marrying someone who I love, who I respect, who loves and respects me. We support each other and grow together. And it's just a relationship that I honestly dreamed of, but could have never dreamed of like the depth and dimension that I experienced with Sean.

2:38I also recently in the last two years become a mom. And that was one of my dreams. And so in living these dreams and manifestations, something really interesting has happened. I feel like staying open and staying curious while I'm living these dreams and staying in gratitude, I'm able to actually understand the other dreams that want to open up within this portal, if you will, or this experience. And I just, it made me think about how oftentimes we have dreams, goals, and things we want to manifest. And then we get that and then we're onto the next thing right away. And we're not actually enjoying or living what we have called in.

3:31And I think in living what we've called in and really just being so present to it, we're actually unlocking more that wants to be revealed or experienced in our life. And most likely things that you would have never planned for yourself or dreamt up for yourself. So it's just a really profound experience. I think one of those things that's unlocking for me now is just this question of like, what else creatively does my soul want to create in this life? And I think being in this question or being in this in-between and this like waiting room of sorts is a really good place for me to be. So simultaneously, I'm living this dream as a new mom.

4:13I have an incredible family I'm nurturing. I'm just so fulfilled by it. And I'm also in this like question mark period of like, what else do I want to create? And I think parenthood especially is just such a creative time. You know, you've literally created a child and then you're also just in, in this state of like newness every single day. And so I just feel like I'm ripe for creating. And, and so what I've been doing is, you know, every day I will sit in front of my red light and I will meditate kind of habit stacking helps me to just really lock in. And I've just been like meditating on that question.

4:54I don't have an answer for you all yet. Um, but it's been a profound practice of letting go of needing to know in this moment, but really staying open to what the answer might be. And I think most importantly, not pushing my own timeline on it. Like, well, you know, the book came out and, you know, it's been great. And now like, what am I going to do next in terms of like, what is new mom on the block going to be? And like, just all of these kind of like human earthly questions of like, okay, so what's next? And it's like, what if what's next is like being in the question of, I don't know what's next.

5:33And I'm just curious about what could be next. and that's felt really good for me. And I think I've haven't always been in that place to be able to experience it like that. But I think so many years of kind of pushing expired dreams and, you know, hustling, if you will, in my twenties, I just feel really at peace with in between periods. Now I've kind of trained myself, um, to be okay with it, to be at peace with it, to get curious with it. And I know like what anchors me in these seasons. And that is, you know, being present to the dreams I'm currently living, uh, you know, anchoring with my meditation practice or some sort of mindfulness practice at the time.

6:17It definitely evolves. Um, and really leaning into my close relationships and just seeing what those have for me to grow through, learn maybe what insight they have.

6:56You can get in sessions super easily. Like it really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything. I would say meditation, therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. So you can look at the reviews if it's going to be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of five based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally.

7:31So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions. You get matched with a therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You can see the reviews, what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you. Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30.

7:48Lindsey Simcik:That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30.

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9:14Lindsey Simcik:As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished, and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realized that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week. It comes from consistency. So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Getter Bundle. Y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury. Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower. It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful.

9:52Lindsey Simcik:And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated, luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturian believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable. It's luxury you can use every single day and that's creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase. That's naturium.com slash almost 30. But I know a lot of you out there are feeling like, and maybe we're taught that your twenties or your thirties are the peak, you know, maybe it's your peak of health or, you know, peak of your career or a peak of your beauty.

10:39or youth, what have you. And I don't know about you, but first of all, my twenties were definitely not that. Um, I was running myself into the ground. I was overworking out. I was drinking too much. I was like not nourishing myself food wise, relationship wise. It was just kind of a mess and needed to be so to understand the contrast of that. But, um, I would not say my were my peak. I would say my thirties thus far are my favorite decade yet, but I'm hopeful that life is long and that I will experience just many, many, many textures of my life over many, many decades. Um, and I actually don't subscribe to this idea that we have a peak in our life.

11:28And if we want to just stick to the, that metaphor, um, I just see my life as kind of this beautiful mountain range, you know, there's going to be peaks and there's going to be valleys and there's going to be plateaus and there's going to be seasons of lush greenery and seasons, uh, that are a little bit more barren and dry. And, um, I think when I, when I think of my life that way, I get more excited, you know, I get more excited to do my best in this moment, both physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, and interpersonally. And also knowing that if I can do that and be present to that and really be the healthiest in all of those areas, that I'm opening myself up for and priming myself for many, many peaks in my life.

12:27Um, and many, many experiences that will just blow my mind and blow my heart open. Um, and so I just wanted to say that because I think we put so much pressure on ourselves. We put so much pressure on ourselves to like find the one by a certain age, have the kids or buy the house or reach a peak in our career, make a certain amount of money or reach the professional goal, you know, um, that we desire by a certain age. And I'm not saying that goals aren't good. I think goals are incredible ways to motivate you, um, and to like keep you on track and on path towards something that you really desire.

13:10And, um, I think that we put undue pressure on ourselves to do it by a certain age. I think that with age comes wisdom. I think that with age comes a type of confidence and centeredness that actually is more suitable to bring certain ideas and creations and experiences to life. If I think about myself in my 20s or even early 30s, to have created, let's say one of my dreams is to record an album, to have created an album in my 20s, not saying it wouldn't be good, but it would have been completely different and perhaps not from my soul. It would have been more so what I thought was popular or what I thought would have gotten recognition from say a producer or a music label or what have you.

14:09So external, it wouldn't have been a creation that was purely from my soul. And I think now in my late thirties, um, I feel like I truly feel like the music is going to come in my forties. That's kind of like what I've been receiving just as like a, as insight. And I, I'm excited because I don't feel the pressure to do it in a certain way for other people or to be accepted or to be liked. Just me fully immersing myself in creating music is going to be the point. And that perspective can only come with experience and age. And so I would love for us to just kind of rethink some of our timelines that we are impressing upon these dreams and manifestations, because perhaps it's going to take just a little bit more time for you to ripen, to be the person, to hold the success, to bring something into fruition, to actually experience the thing and really be present for it.

15:30I do think that with each decade, there's just different aspects of our soul expression that is being revealed and wanting to come forward more. And so I just don't think that we can be so you know, egoic and thinking we know everything and we know the timing that's perfect for all of the things that we want to do. I think her soul has a very, very different agenda. And if you're not into like talking about the soul, that's totally okay. I think we can look to history for examples of this, you know, creativity really coming online or creativity really becoming something full and having momentum behind it.

16:21We can look at someone like Leonard Cohen. He didn't release Hallelujah until age 50. Toni Morrison published her first novel at 39 and won the Nobel at 62. And there are just countless examples. Oprah, I feel like her career really took off in her forties and fifties. Um, so that reminder from history that life is long, that, you know, our creativity is closely, closely linked to our life experience is closely linked to the wisdom that we garner through aging, um, and being on earth and being in relationship and trying things out and experimenting.

17:09Harvard research shows that many people reach creative peaks in their forties, fifties and beyond, obviously depending on their field. But, um, you know, this is something that I think the mind doesn't want to realize, you know, I think the mind has a way of convincing us that we don't need to be in process for very long. We can just like be the thing or do the thing. And, you know, this is a nuanced topic. So I can see the argument for both, but I think we've lost the love and respect for process and love and respect for the fact that it might take a while for something to take seed and germinate and actually become something.

17:57I'm in a industry where like people are launching things every month and, you know, putting things out on social media every single day. And it just feels like the fast pace of creation is kind of dampening our true soul desire to be in long and deep process with something. So I just want to say that because maybe it's speaking to the part of you that is really desiring that, that is wanting to like, just be in process and creating something for as long as you need to, rather than feeling the pressure to just pump it out, um, sooner than you're ready to. Um, I think another big piece of, uh, creativity and, and just allowing it to be this lifelong expression is that, and also with success and really anything, it's like our ability to emotionally regulate, hopefully, gets better over time.

19:02You know, we have more life experience. We understand ourselves better. I think more people are going to therapy now than ever. I think more people are introspective than ever. I think people are understanding what they are bringing to every moment and relationship, or they are at least curious about it. I think the self-help industry is booming. And so I think with time and experience and just deep learning, people are becoming just emotionally much more intelligent over time. We know this from our work with almost 30, but the prefrontal cortex comes online around 25 or 26. And it's this part of the brain that's responsible for decision-making and long-term planning and emotional regulation as well.

19:48And up until that point, like the emotional part of your brain is just firing. Like it's making all the decisions. You're very impulsive and, and that's fine. You know, that's kind of what's meant to happen. But in your late twenties, the shift happens. And I just think it keeps getting sculpted and refined as time goes on. So it comes online, but you're going to be developing wisdom and empathy and patience as you continue to go into your late thirties, forties, fifties, and beyond. So I think this is, these are aspects of a person that really are like the nuanced, uh, aspect of quote success, you know, for someone to be able to emotionally regulate, I think is worth is priceless really.

20:41Um, and I think having that just internal landscape be something that you tend to and honor, um, is a huge part of living a really fulfilled life. Um, so I wouldn't overlook it, you know, I, I would, I would say that perhaps the perfect alchemy for the company that you want to start would actually be when you are 45, you know, um, when you have a bit more life experience under your belt, when you have experience managing people or working on a creative project for a long time, or, you know, working through emotional triggers in therapy, like just all of these things that could be the perfect, perfect priming for you to be able to hold that, to manage the dream, to really experience it fully.

21:43So that's how I like to think about, you know, aging is that each decade of my life, each age is going to be a very particular alchemy to hold what I meant to create, what I meant to receive, what I meant to engage in, in this life. And it's, it's really perfect. You know, it's, it's right on time. It's never late. I'll never miss it. And if I look back, I can probably track how experiences leading up to this age that I'm at now really helped me and primed me to experience whatever it is. I think parenting is a perfect example. If I think about the fact that I had my first child at 36, there's a part of me, was it 36?

22:32Yeah. 36, almost 27, 37, almost 37. and there's a part of me, no, it's 36. It was 36. Um, there's a part of me that's like, Oh dang, I wish I started earlier. And then I think about it and I'm like, wow, no, there was so much that needed to happen and come online and experiences I need to have and breakthroughs in therapy I needed to have and relationships I needed to end or tend to that I, I, I wouldn't have been able to really receive this joy and this challenge of being a parent. And I'm just, I'm so thankful that the timing of my life was the way it was. And I just use that as an example for myself always to trust in the timing of my life.

23:25I have so many of my dear friends that are moving through pregnancy right now. I actually have three of my closest people in my life that are moving through pregnancy. And it's been so beautiful to see how intentional they become about their body and the way they're choosing to support themselves, the way they're choosing to nourish themselves. Lindsay, as an example, she truly is like doing like eating sardines, eating like liver. And so seeing her use ritual and just like support her body in the best way she knows how, it has shown me how powerful and how great of a brand ritual is because I trust her so much she's reading every label all the time so you can really fully trust ritual for your brand to support you in your journey of pregnancy so they have this really powerful essential prenatal which is clinically backed with prenatal vitamins with traceable ingredients like choline folate and omega-3 it's also non-gmo it's vegan it's gluten-free and it's major allergen free and it's made without synthetic colorant i also love that ritual uses bioavailable nutrients designed for optimal absorption and designed for the capsule to be gentle on the stomach and easy to take making it easier for people to stay consistent don't settle for less than evidence-based support save 25 off your first month at ritual.com slash almost 30 that's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 off your first month so living in los angeles i have so much access to supplements to all the thing but i remember over a year ago finding the absorption co and using their little packets.

24:52I use Restore, Energy, Calm, and Sleep all the time. And I remember really thinking about the brand and being like, this is a genius idea because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something. So for a supplement to actually work for you, your body needs to actually absorb it. And that's completely, for me, changed the way I think about my routine. The Absorption Co. is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption. Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body.

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26:04So Upwork. I talk about Upwork with my clients all the freaking time. I was on the phone with one of my clients last night and I said, girl, you are no longer going to edit your podcast yourself, you are going to outsource with Upwork. This was her budget. She wanted to stay under a certain amount. So we had to find someone that would be a perfect fit for her. Upwork is really the one-stop platform where you can find, hire, and pay expert freelancers across everything from marketing and business operations to web development, design data, and so much more. So you can basically browse their profiles, look through their work, and even get help scoping for a role.

26:38I was needing to hire someone for Kajabi within our business to help us do Kajabi. and so I saw this little profile said oh she seems like a great fit we got on a call she was incredible with Kajabi she was so incredible whether you're a smaller business or if you're growing really quickly their business plus gives you an access to the top one percent talent on Upwork with AI powered shortlisting that can match you with the right freelancer in under six hours so this saves a lot of time this is actually what I've been doing because it does take time to find people it does take time to vet people and it's kind of a thing but I want you guys to be outsourcing more so you can enjoy your life.

27:13You can do what you need to do and you can grow your business and still have time for freedom. And Upwork is that place to have that. At Upwork.com right now, you can post your job for free, what you're looking for, who you need to support you. That's Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to grow your business. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. So I just want to end with a few reminders that maybe will stick with you, but from the more spiritual perspective, what if what you consider a delay on a dream or something coming to you, what if you considered it as actually a part of the divine plan, actually a part of something that is much greater than you, that has just a perspective on your life and your soul's blueprint that you could never understand as a human, but that entrusting it, you just open up so much more of your life to be experienced.

28:08So what if the delay is actually divine? And what if the version of you at 42 or 52 is actually more grounded and present and just more receptive to receive and to be in that gift and manifestation and actually take it in? And when it comes to your dreams, I do believe dreams choose you.

28:38But it doesn't need to be rushed when it kind of when it chooses you or when you kind of get inspired to pursue a dream. I think we can trust the timing of our life much more than we do. It doesn't need to be rushed. It honestly wants to partner with your own unique evolution. I think your own unique evolution is the alchemy that the dream needs for a certain period of time to come into fruition. And so to rush it, to try to bypass anything to get to it would be robbing yourself and the dream of its full potential. So, um,

29:25okay.

29:30And I just think the final reminder I want to leave you with, I think a lot of people talk about purpose. We talk about it in our book and, you know, our purpose, I believe is always evolving. I don't think we have one headline purpose. Um, but I think for the sake of this conversation, our purpose, there is no expiration date to it. You know, it is not this thing that you need to have locked in and fulfilled, or at least run in by your thirties. You know, there is no too late for your soul. So long as you're open and you are curious and you are willing to grow, you will be living your purpose.