788. The Anxiety Reset: Microhabits That Actually Work with Liz Moody

22:10Which is super attractive. Such a good way to go. Men love pressure. It works so well. They love ultimatums. They love pressure. And I just, I had this whole narrative around where my life should be. And it's so interesting to look back on because if I had not had that moment, I wouldn't be here. I might be somewhere else. I might be professionally successful in a different way, but that is where I switched into the wellness world and to the foundations that really built my podcast, that built my book career and all of that. So it's trusting the timing of that retrospectively has been a huge lesson for other parts of my life.

22:48That's so much of what we write about in the book is just that feeling where everyone at some point thinks they're behind in some way. And we're all working towards these arbitrary number goals, you know, that we made when we were younger. Like mine was married at 28 kids by 2030 or something. You know, like we dated for we met 24, dated four years and then at 28. And it's just like, where are these numbers coming from? What's the point? What is this whole thing? And what are we racing toward? That's the key. Are we racing towards death? I know. Like literally like what if life is a race, what is the end of the race?

23:22And that's, I want to slow my life down. Like I want to be doing all of it slowly because I'm so aware of how finite it is. When you had the agoraphobia and that kind of anxiety, like you probably learned a lot about how to manage and deal with anxiety. What are some ways in which people that are listening that maybe don't have agoraphobia, but struggle with anxiety can support themselves? Yes. And I have a lot of episodes of my podcast about this because anxiety has been a theme in my life. And I do also want to say it's not something that I feel like I'm fully over. I'm not bed bound anymore.

23:56And I want to be, I want to give hope to somebody else who might be in that place and who can see my big, beautiful life that I've created for myself, because I was looking for that so much when I was in that place. And I want to be very honest and open about the fact that it's still something that I deal with and it's a lifelong journey for me. Some of the tools that have really helped one structure. I think when I'm in the middle of my anxiety, I think getting rid of structure is going to be the thing that's going to help. Like not having a time that I'm going to wake up in the morning so that if I have a hard time sleeping, I'm not working towards like that and being awake in the middle of the night, thinking about that, not having appointments booked or things that I have to be at.

24:35But actually the thing that was most helpful in getting over like the final hump with my anxiety was having a full-time job again. And I remember when I got this job, I would say to Zach, like, how am I, with my anxiety, how will I show up every morning for work? What if I have a panic attack? What if I can't sleep the night before all these things? And he was like, let's just see, let's just see how it goes. Let's just see how it goes. And it ended up being so helpful. Our anxiety tells us that we need to create this like free flowing space for it to exist to not box it in. But I've found with my anxiety, at least it really likes structure.

25:11It likes designated times. It likes me to wake up at the same time, go to sleep at the same time. It likes for me to eat at the same time. It likes for me to have set plans that I have to stick to. Creating these bits of structure in my life has been incredibly, incredibly helpful for my anxiety. Spaciousness. So for me, that looks like sometimes a meditation practice when I'm, I love when I can get my meditation practice in, but sometimes it just looks like sitting there and doing nothing. Like I'll sit in the car. Sometimes I'll pull my car up at my house and I'll just sit there for five minutes and really just do nothing and create a little bit of that brain space for my brain to unravel.

25:48Working out game changer. I was very late to this game. Did you guys know that like working out was good for you i just we over worked out we have worked out but i didn't work out because it was good for me mentally i was like i need to change a certain way so i think i heard very early that like abs are made in the kitchen and that diet is 80 of it so it's like why are you guys bothering to work out 20 of how your body i was like doing the math i'm like i'm gonna do a workout and burn 400 calories i'm gonna eat 400 calories today and that means i'm gonna lose weight you what I mean? Like I was like both bad, but not ideal.

26:22But I think when I switched working out to being like, how will I feel for the rest of my day? If I do a workout on this day, it was a game changer for me. I came, I've only been a regular worker outer for the last few years of my life, but having that in the morning has such a huge impact on my mental health and noticing that immediate reward, because we can't stick to habits unless we have some sort of reward built into that habit immediately. We think the long-term reward is enough, but it's not. Noticing, I feel calmer, I sleep better, I have more energy all day has been the thing that's allowed me to motivate myself to actually stick to work out.

26:59So I'd say those are my big three.

27:04So your girl's at the farmer's market on Saturdays, every once in a while with my friends. I'm shopping at the local spots. When I was in Europe, I was shopping at these local markets. And one of the things I was noticing is I was so exceptionally, eternally grateful that I could just buy with a tap of my phone from these local vendors in these local markets. I got this crystal necklace that I needed and I got to just do a little tap tap on Square and make it super easy for myself. So Square is the support for today's episode. It's the business platform that helps sellers become neighborhood favorites.

27:35I always just notice that everything flows when people use Square. The checkout with Square is seamless. the staff isn't stressed, and they're actually able to connect with you because they're not fumbling with different systems. And I just love that it brings payments, point of sales, online orders, inventory, staffing, and more together in one place. So these local business owners can spend less time managing technology and more time doing what they love. And whether you're just getting started with growing your business, Square truly grows with you. It helps you run your business more smoothly, bringing payments, operations, and insights in together in one place.

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28:27Lindsey Simcik:Summer is always a funny time because I want to enjoy the burgers at the barbecue. I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day. That's my thing. The pasta salad at a friend's house, but I also want to make choices that support how I want to feel. I've realized I don't do well with the all or nothing approach anymore. That's just not me. That's why I've been loving hero bread. I was honestly shocked by how soft and fluffy and delicious everything is that they make. There's no stiff cardboard texture, just the bread, buns, tortillas, and bagels you actually crave. I've been using their tortillas for easy lunch wraps for myself, for my son, their bagels when I need something quick and satisfying in the morning.

29:11Lindsey Simcik:And nutritionally, it's such an easy swap. Depending on the product, Hero has zero to five grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and 11 to 32 grams of fiber, which is unbelievable. They even have noodles with 32 grams of fiber and 12 grams of protein. I'm obsessed with the noodles. So is my son and husband. So Hero Bread is offering 10 % off your order, go to hero.co and use code a30pod at checkout. That's code a30pod at hero.co. And I feel like the structure also, you know, showing up for that and abiding to that just builds that trust in yourself, you know, cause then it's like, you can rely on yourself to do that.

29:52Lindsey Simcik:I feel like in seasons where I've kind of quote, let myself down or not done what I said I was going to do, the anxiety is so much higher. Have you always like had a, in terms of your relationship with yourself, like, has that been something that you've cultivated over the years or have you always kind of had a sense of self or confidence or trust in yourself from a young age? You know, when you go to weddings and they're like, love is a verb. Love is an action. I think that self-trust and self-love are actions as well. And I think that self-love and self-trust come from acting in ways that are trustworthy and loving to ourselves.

30:30So I've been pretty good over the years and especially since this anxiety journey and trying to get my life to look back how I want it and feel back how I want it to feel. It's behaving in teeny tiny ways that I can trust that I have done what I said I was going to do. So if I say I'm going to do a workout in the morning, not doing the workout is not only denying myself of the positive benefits of doing the work out, but it's denying myself the opportunity to say that my word to myself is worth something that I can trust myself. And thus, when I say that I love myself, when I try to tell myself these positive things, those are trustworthy words for myself.

31:08I think a lot of us erode our sense of self-trust in teeny tiny ways all day long, whether it's, I said I'd stop scrolling and get up off the couch now, but I'm going to just do five more minutes, five more minutes, five more minutes. I said that I was going to start writing that book that's been in my head for years and years and years, but I haven't actually written it yet. Those are all little tiny moments of eroding our sense of self-trust. And I think that hugely impacts our ability to love ourselves. The tiny actions that you talk about with self-love and self-trust are so powerful. And I love that answer.

31:39What other micro habits do you do to support yourself in living and being well? Yeah. Well, first of all, I love that you say micro habits, because I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is we make the habits too big and then we can't stick to them. And then we don't trust ourselves and then we don't love ourselves. And we're like, why? Well, it's like, I'm not going to meditate for an hour a day. If I promise myself I'm going to meditate for an hour a day, I'm setting myself up to let myself down. It's often self-sabotage when people do that. I noticed that in coaching, they'll put the goal so far out that they know they're not going to hit it to affirm the belief that they can't do it.

32:10So what, do you just have them move the goal down or do you have to work with them on deeper things of why are they self-sabotaging in that way. Both like an example, you know, someone will be like, I hate my job. I want to quit my job. And then they'll be like, you know, I want to open up a coffee shop it like in my hometown. And it's like that you're like going from here to there. It's like, what would be the micro steps you can take in this moment to like your job more, to communicate more with your boss? Maybe you get more time off, maybe plan a vacation. Like what are the things you can do right now?

32:39And then have the long-term goal, like you're talking about. This reminds me, I've been thinking so much about the idea of agency. People are feeling really anxious, really unsettled in the world at this moment. I hear it from my listeners all the time. I'm sure you do as well. And I think that a lot of us are feeling a lack of sense of agency. Like things feel really big and really wrong and we don't feel like we have any control to make the changes that we want to make. And I think a really interesting thing about agency is that research shows that when we take agency, even in little ways in our life, it makes us feel a greater sense of agency.

33:11So you don't necessarily need to take agency about these big, scary problems. You can take agency in really tiny ways and that restores your sense of power, which will alleviate some of that anxiety. So I think looking for these teeny tiny moments of agency is a really powerful way to alleviate the sense of uneasiness that a lot of us are feeling right now. And to come out of monotony, I think, you know, there's a monotonous nature to things where we think we don't have a choice. I think that's also too, having a sense of agency over your life is the most powerful people that I know believe that they have agency over their life and over themselves and their relationships.

33:48And that, I would say that across the board of everybody that we've ever interviewed, they believed that they could do the thing. They believed that they could change it. They believed that they were in participation with their life rather than in recipient with their life. So I love the thought of taking greater agency. Trying to think of some examples of like, what would you guys recommend for some examples of how people can make smaller steps with agency? So I think it's like, what is in my control right now? So maybe you can't control what the government is doing about climate change, but is there something that you can do in your community?

34:18Is there a cause that you can donate to? Is there a group that you can get together with and talk about next steps? I would say for your relationships, maybe you're like, I want to have a partner and I don't have the agency to manifest this partner or create this partner. I don't know who else is out there in the world, whatever that part's out of my control, but what is in your control, how you spend every day, how you, the people that you're reaching out to and saying, Hey, do you know anybody? Can you set me up with this person? And also just like how you are approaching yourself and the narratives of your life.

34:46So I also think the agency doesn't need, those are both examples where the little things correlated with the big thing, but the agency of I'm going to feed myself a breakfast that makes me feel really good. That is taking agency. I'm going to take a walk around the block That is taking agency in your life. And that will correlate and make you feel better about the larger things. It's feeling like you have a sense of power and you have a sense of control. And then that you're building those proof points for yourself. I'm huge on proof points. I think that we need to have evidence in our heads that we can look back on.

35:19So if you can look at these teeny moments of, I did have power. I did take agency. Look how it turned out. Then we start to believe it. If you're trying to conjure it from nowhere, it's not believable.

35:30Lindsey Simcik:I did want to circle back to the micro habits because I know you have. I have many. I know you have many. Okay. Let's see. So there's, I have so many that I'm like, which one should I share? Okay. So I have to start with circ walks. This is a little walk that you take in the morning and it sets your circadian rhythm for the day. So this is just as close to when you wake up and the sun comes up as possible. So if you wake up and the sun's already up, get your butt outside. That's me. I'm a late riser. but if you're up at 6 a.m. and the sun comes up at 7, then at 7 a.m., you wanna get your butt outside about 10 to 15 minutes.

36:03This is gonna be like a multivitamin for your entire body. It's going to give you energy for the day. It's gonna help you sleep better. It comes up in pretty much every episode with an expert that I do, whether it's a gut health expert talking about your microbiome or a hormone expert talking about how to help your hormones be in their healthiest state. I literally can't think of happiness experts. Like every single expert is like, get the morning light in your eyes. So you'll have a whole Cirque Walk community of Lizbidi podcast listeners that are going around the block with you. I do that every single morning and I do it with my husband.

36:33We'll take like a little drink on the road and it's just a very spacious and lovely way to start our day as well. The birds are chirping in the morning. I love that. Something I've been doing recently, I just did an episode about, I've tried all these different happiness hacks and here are four that you might not necessarily think of that actually work. And one of the ones that I really like is what's good here. So our brains are primed sometimes to look for threats in the world. And so when we walk into a room, we're like, okay, that's a little scary. Even if we're not consciously clocking that we're looking for these threats, our brain's trying to protect us.

37:06And we can override that and start to get the neural pathways that are wired towards our happiness, towards our positive feelings, firing up by walking into a room and being like, okay, what's good here? Like, I really like how spacious this room feels energetically. I really like the way that you guys are smiling at me. I really like the way that it smells. or if you're eating a meal, you can be like, okay, what's good here? And this food tastes really good. I really like the texture of it. I really like that I'm slowing down and chewing and taking this little moment for myself and just asking what's good in this moment primes your brain to have a little bit more of that savoring and neurons that fire together, wire together.

37:41So you're really priming those brains, the brain cells that you want to fire together to act in that way. So good. I mean, my favorite game is what this could be better. No joke.

37:54Lindsey Simcik:Anywhere I go, I'm like, this could be better. But I think the older that I get, it's like you realize so much of like your experience being well, like starts with the mind and just kind of where it goes, you know, because then that affects the healthy choices you make. And there's just, I thought it was like the opposite where I'm like, let me eat the healthy food to get the healthy mind. And it's like, let's actually. Well, and I think it's actually bidirectional. And I think that's really interesting. And so like, if you want a body tip, eat fermented foods. I had a person on the podcast recently, and he's one of the most cited scientists in the world.

38:30And he works with cancer patients. And when somebody comes in and they're doing cancer treatment with him, the first thing that he has them do is flood their body with fermented foods because of the way that those ferments act on our immune system. We think of fermented foods as about like our microbiome and whatever. And our microbiome is really important for our gut health, but it's perhaps even more important for our immune health. And our immune health is going to impact the health of your entire body. It fights cancer, all these different things. And so since that interview, I've been really, really good about just like having a spoonful of some sort of ferment every single day as just like, if it's good enough for the people that he's working with, it's certainly good enough for me.

39:08Lindsey Simcik:My son's favorite food is sauerkraut. No way. It's crazy. That's like such a humble brag. I mean, it makes the healthy moms feel so good. My son's favorite food is sauerkraut. I know. But it's crazy. My favorite food was Kraft mac and cheese. No, but I mean, he eats the, you know, he eats like some crappy stuff too but i'm like that's amazing one thing no it's amazing their guts can be just wrecked from early on well and i also don't want i don't get fancy about it sometimes people will be like well what do you like eat sauerkraut with i'm like i don't even think i just eat out of the jar i usually get like a carrot ferment because i like this better but i just eat it out of the jar i don't think about it that much it also helps with sugar cravings so if i'm like sitting there and craving sugar i'll just have a spoonful ferment and then if i'm still craving sugar.

39:46I'll eat sugar later, but like it helps quite a bit.

39:49Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. That like, um, what is that? It's salt, salty, sweet. It's like, um, I think there's the, the ferment too. Oh, really? Like I actually think there's something in it. And then there's also something to do with the microbiome of your, like your oral microbiome that actually, so when you change your microbiome, you change your cravings, um, which is another, like if I was going to give you another body based tip. It's to eat 30 different plants a week. So the greatest study that's ever been done on our gut health found that diversity of plants mattered more than anything else, because essentially like broccoli, the fiber in broccoli is going to feed a different microbe in your gut than the fiber in a flax seed.

40:29And so you want to feed all of these different microbes because all these different microbes have different jobs in your body. And so when you're feeding all the different ones, maybe one is not this direct, but like one is going off to work on your skin health. Another one's going to work on your heart health. And do you want that diversity? So all of the different jobs are getting done the most efficiently and the best that they can possibly be done. So you want to aim, they found that the magic number was 30 different types of plants on a weekly basis. And that's the single best thing that you can do for your gut health.

40:56I don't know if I do that. It's faster than you think. So a lot of people, I'm like,

41:01Lindsey Simcik:oh, right. That's a plant. And like beans and oatmeal and stuff like that. So it's not just vegetables or fruits, but it's plants in general. And I would challenge people listening, like pull open the notes app on your phone. Every time you eat a plant, just note it down and see what number you're at. We also have in our subject, we have a whole meal plan for getting 30 different plants in the week. So if you just want it, yeah, plan the protein shakes too. There's like maca, some other stuff and add herbs. That's one of my very favorite tips. So anything that you're eating could probably be improved by herbs.

41:31Even if it's like a strawberry oatmeal, like put some rosemary on top, put some basil on top, like sweet, savory can be improved by herbs and you're

41:39Lindsey Simcik:just adding the plants. So true. I'm curious, you know, like you, we've, we've learned about so many things in the health and wellness space, tried so many things, et cetera. I guess at what point have you, do you feel like you've built your discernment around what works for you and what doesn't? Ooh, that's a great question. I feel like different things work for me at different times. So I'm really bad. And I think that about my podcast too, it's like never pressuring you to do all of these different things. It's saying, here's things to put into your toolbox so that when you need to pull them out of your toolbox, you know that they're there.

42:13There's going to be a little part of you that is going to be like, oh, wait, I'm going through this like relationship struggle. Oh yeah, I heard that one thing this one time. And then you can pull that out. Our needs and our goals change so much throughout our lives. And I experienced that on a weekly, monthly basis. And so I'm just feel very lucky to have all this information so I can pull out what I need when I need it. Yeah, that's so true.

42:33Lindsey Simcik:Have you ever tried anything that you're like, that's absolutely not for me that you're willing to share? Someone asked us that last week and we were like trying to think. I know. What did you say? They said a spiritual thing. I think I just said like. Plant medicine. Plant medicine for me was kind of, I think a one and done, the more extreme, like an ayahuasca. I would do like microdosing, things like that. I just had a psychedelics expert on my podcast and he said that research shows, I want to say this in the right way, that any benefits people are feeling from microdosing is placebo. And he says that that does not mean that they're not real benefits, but because any scientist will be like, we should respect the placebo effect.

43:21It is incredible. It shouldn't be dismissed as like, oh, that was just placebo. it's a really important psychological power that our brain has. And even if you know something as placebo, it still works, which is fascinating as well. You can tell somebody this is a sugar pill and it will still have the same impact. But research at this moment shows that the effects are due to a placebo effect versus anything else for microdosing. Wow, interesting. Which is interesting. If it has the effect, how do they know that? How do they know? I think they're probably looking, my guess would be through some sort of fMRI.

43:50Okay. Um, and, and cause you can see physiological effects for heroes doses. Okay. Um, but yeah, I thought it was really interesting. I would say, so for me, uh, I haven't, I feel like I used up drugs in my party days and now I can't enjoy them in my therapeutic days. And I really believe this whole episode is like, he talks about his experiences with different things. He talks about all the phenomenal research on these things. and I really like maybe I'll get to a point where I can try them but I had like I had a mushroom trip where I thought the world was ending and I had to have a friend come and keep me from like harming myself and I've had so many bad experiences that I feel like I can't benefit now that things are like good and helpful totally which is frustrating for me I think I've had two mushrooms where I was like saying goodbye to everyone yeah that's it I was like nice knowing you I just like I looked out the window and it literally looked like if you were like in an apocalypse movie where like things were like steaming and I know it's in Venice.

44:51It was like nice in reality. But like if my friend hadn't been there, I don't know what I would have done. And that's scary. And also when you go into a trip with like that kind of stuff in your head, it's not, yeah, not as ideal. Yeah. The research is, it's cool that there is a lot more research about psychedelics and things like that. We've experimented, you know, we've done microdosing and stuff, which was really helpful. And then it kind of reaches a point where I think like a lot of things where you, I guess in my journey, you know, I kind of use things for the time period that I need them.

45:22You know, I'll be into something and then I'm like, oh, I'm going to kind of move on. Like you kind of graduate, you get what you need, you put it in the toolkit and you kind of move on. What are some unsexy wellness products that you love? Like what are some of the things that you really use and love? Floss. I need to floss more. That's my toxic trait. I mean, when you realize that flossing is probably the single best preventative action you can take on a daily basis for Alzheimer's, I think that it really sticks it in your head. It's totally worth doing. So our oral health is really intricately connected with our brain health and our heart health too.

45:57And so brushing is great, but it's almost more surface level versus flossing. You don't want to build up those plaque colonies and have the bacteria migrate in your body. and it's been pretty strongly linked to Alzheimer's at this point. So, wow.

46:12Lindsey Simcik:Wow. I'm going to do that. Are you using regular floss? Like I use, I use like, yeah, because I've seen the, the little machine flosses where they're like the picks. Yeah. So the, I had a dentist on my podcast and we talked all about this stuff and he said like, however you can get yourself to floss floss, you know what I mean? So like, if it's a water pick, if it's the little pick things I just use, I use the Risewell hydroxyapatite floss because hydroxyapatite have we yes are you guys on the hydroxy yes okay it's amazing it's a fluoride alternative and it actually remineralizes your teeth um i anecdotally and of one but since i started using hydroxyapatite toothpaste i went from being like a nine cavity a dentist visit girly to a zero cavity a dentist visit girly and i have no toothpaste or toothbrush sponsors i love them but like it they it has changed my teeth completely and so i use a floss that has that in it too, which is from a brand called Risewell.

47:05Okay. I'm going to get on that. So flossing is. Yeah. Other unsexy, I'm trying to think unsexy. I like sleep stuff I think is huge. If you're going to. What do you take to support your sleep? So I don't take anything. I'll take magnesium if I'm having like sleep issues. The Cirque walk in the morning is probably the single best way that you can help your sleep, but also paying attention to like, is my room cold? You want to be like 64 to 67 degrees. So colder than you would think you want it to be completely dark. So I have a blackout eye mask from, I think a brand called drowsy. That's like a silk eye mask that I absolutely love.

47:37Um, but blackout curtains, blackout eye mask, uh, I have a weighted blanket that I really like optimizing your environment for sleep. I think is incredibly important. If you're going to spend money on one thing, I would say spend money on sleep. Yeah.

47:52Okay guys, this is a little secret, but I actually did smile set a few years ago to to upgrade and up level my teeth. I was feeling like there was just a little bit of shift, a little bit of movement that I wanted to have. I never wanted to get braces. I didn't want to do anything insane. And I wanted to keep it really simple and do something that was without the cost or commitment of braces and something that was affordable and at home. So I did smile set to just shift like a few things on my teeth. I had had braces a long time ago, but I wanted to do this to just kind of like have the up level and the upgrade.

48:24And I wanted to have the retainers all the time to keep my teeth like absolutely pristine and perfect. So Smile Set is super easy. Everything starts with the at-home impression kit where you do like a little grid or an outline of your teeth to see what's going on. And then basically your personalized treatment plan is reviewed by their affiliated network of state licensed dental professionals and your aligners are shipped right to the door. So I also love that they monitor your progress through the process through the app and you can even choose nighttime only aligners. So Smile Set can straighten your Smile for under$1 ,800 with monthly payments starting at just$89.

48:58So it's powered by Smile Direct Club technology and listeners of our show can get an additional 35 % off when they go to smileset.com slash almost 30. So with this discount, you can get really the smile of your dreams for under$1 ,300, which is crazy. So go to smileset.com slash almost 30 to get started. So living in Los Angeles, I have so much access to supplements, to all the things, but I remember over a year ago, finding the Absorption Co. and using their little packets. I use Restore, Energy, Calm, and Sleep all the time. And I remember really thinking about the brand and being like, this is a genius idea because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something.

49:39So for a supplement to actually work for you, your body needs to actually absorb it. And that's completely, for me, changed the way I think about my routine. The Absorption Co. is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption. Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body. One of the things that I use and really feel a difference in is their magnesium. It is my number one stunner of all supplements. And I've also added their berberine into my routine. This is for metabolism, blood sugar, and craving support.

50:15Most berberine actually doesn't absorb. It's like 1%. So I love that they're really focused on making significantly more bioavailable berberine. So start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to absorbmore.com and enter code ALMOST30 at checkout for 35 % off your first order. That's absorbmore.com, enter code ALMOST30 and checkout for 35 % off your first order. I think that's been, you know, it's funny, just most, it's just so funny in life as you get older and you become more conscious, I think you become so much more particular about your environment and what you're around and what you allow, you know, growing up where I grew up in, in the way that I did, we would never have an opinion about stuff.

51:00You know, you'd go to a hotel or you'd go places and you'd just be kind of like, this is what it is that it is, you know, but you would never be able to be like, we're going to call the front desk and ask them to turn it down. Or we're going to have like, we're going to ask to move to a different room or like, it's the agency thing. And the more successful that I've gotten and the more successful people I've been around, they just have such agency. They have such preference. Like people that I know that are the most successful have such deep, detailed preference of like, ooh, I really don't like this texture of this thing.

51:27Like, oh, you know, it's like, it's just having the ability to control or be a part of the experience. And I think sleep is such an interesting one because I didn't really know how to be a good sleeper until I got older. And then I'm like, oh, now I know all these things that just change the game for your sleep. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and even knowing, I think we talked about this when you guys were on my podcast, but knowing who you are and what you want, like it's such a self-knowing to even have those preferences in the first place, which is such an important part of growing up. Yeah. I want to talk about the phone.

51:57The phone. Yeah. Because I, I mean, I love all your content, but the one with the phone down thing. The face down phone theory. Can you tell us? Yeah. So face down phone theory is basically very unfortunate research that shows that even if your phone is face down on the table, you're going to be less present in the conversation. You're going to remember it as less of a positive interaction and you're going to feel less connected to the people that you're with. So we think, okay, I'll turn my phone, like I'll put it face down and then have a great conversation. But there's this thing called attention residue, which has been basically our attention sticks to the thing it was on before.

52:31And so since it was on the phone before, there's a teeny part of your attention that's like stuck to that phone. that you're having to forcibly pull back. And it takes about 23 minutes to transfer that attention. So that's 23 minutes that you're distracted in that conversation. And that's assuming you don't pick up the phone again. And then on top of that, there's the willpower of these phones are designed to be so, so addictive. And you're using your willpower at every single moment to not pick up your phone. And that's, again, energy and attention you're not putting on the conversation. There are so many reasons, I think, that we're feeling disconnected from each other and lonely and sad as a result of that.

53:08And I think that the stickiness of our phones is a big contributing factor. Yeah.

53:14Lindsey Simcik:I think it's a huge factor in lowering the quality of our time spent with people. It's like, why do I feel like just not amazing when I leave a certain person or a group of people? And then I think about who was on their phone and how often they were on their phone. I think I've been out with friends where you're like talking at dinner and they pull their phone out and it's almost like in it, like they're, they don't even realize they're doing it and they start scrolling. And I'm just like, am I the most boring person on the planet? The way I would start doing tricks, I'd be like, there's something wrong about me.

53:49I got to make

53:49Lindsey Simcik:what I don't know if you feel this way, but I think what's interesting in our space, people who have a platform on social media, I'm out with my friends and I'm like the one person that does not want to be on my phone i actually don't take any pictures and i'm kind of like at the end of the night i'm like shit my friend and i were just my i was out with my friend last night who also has like a platform and we went to the farmer's market and then we went home and then she texted me later and she's like should we have like taken a photo of ourselves at the farmer's market and i was like yeah like i it's almost like phone is work i think but i still have that addiction to my phone what i found helpful because it's not that helpful to sit around with your friends and be like, I've noticed you're on your phone right now.

54:32Would you mind being in your phone and focusing on me? Is building in activities where you cannot be on your phone. So like hikes with friends, game nights, like yoga classes. I think that we are so addicted and acknowledging that addiction. And instead of trying to fight against it, being like, what are the inherent, like going, if you do a weekend away, can you go somewhere that like doesn't have wifi and is like, doesn't have great service and building in that required presence versus like relying on our willpower, which we don't have that much of it. We don't have enough willpower. If I had one message, I have many messages for people, but if I had one message around phones is that we don't have enough willpower to fight the level of addiction that they're designed to be.

55:13And when we rely on that, we're only hurting ourselves. I'll hide my phone. You should.

55:18Lindsey Simcik:Because then I'll forget about it. I forget about it probably like five to 10 minutes in where I'm like, oh, like you just realize - And then you feel like a different person. I'm a different person. I'm more productive. I'm more creative. I'm more present. Like it's just wild. So I'll just put it in a drawer and forget about it. I'm working on an episode right now about like four things that I've done to lower my screen time that have actually worked. And one of them is letting my phone completely die because when you put it on airplane mode, it is so easy. We think that we're making it harder and we want to make the habits that we want to have easier and the habits that we don't want to have harder.

55:50That's like the number one rule of habits. We think airplane mode is enough, but it takes you two seconds and you have that muscle memory of like toggling it on and off. So I'll let it die completely, especially at nighttime when I really don't want to be on my phone. And then the morning when I really like, I won't plug it in or anything. And I still have the muscle memory. I'm still reaching for it, but I can't turn on. It's like, so actually preventing it for yourself, I think is incredibly important. So important. Have you ever had Cal Newport on? Yes. Yeah. I love him. That was deep work.

56:19And then I think the, what was his first book called? There's deep work. And then the recent one was like the product. It was like a different type of productivity, slow productivity. Yeah. He is amazing. We had him on the show years ago. And so anyone listening, you can listen to ours or listen to yours, but I will never forget that the residue thing, cause there is such a residue and you and I were talking about it this morning, with our book launch process, I've had to be online so much more. We've had to be online so much more. And I just am really noticing it affect my mental health. I really am like, I think for me, I'm such an imaginative, creative person that sometimes I'll just get caught up on someone's life and it'll be like a residue in my mind where I'm thinking about someone I don't even know in their life.

57:01And I'm thinking about some reel or some TikTok or something. Like I was telling you, like Cody Sanchez posted about her husband, how they just met and they got, and I was like thinking about them. I'm like, oh, that's cool. You know, like, and I'm like, I don't know this person. My energy should not be spent this way, but we have this stickiness of situations and people and things that I think we need to be more mindful of than we are. Like, I noticed that for myself. I'm like, I don't feel good when I'm in that. Well, and I think we also need to acknowledge that everything about our phone is designed to be easier.

57:31So when you're hanging out with real people and having to make real conversational effort, it's going to feel harder. And I think those are the moments where sometimes people will be like, oh, I want to reach for my phone. Cause it's just, it's a little easier. It's a little bit safer. Yeah. And, and being prepared for it to feel a little harder, a little less comfortable and knowing that that will only dissipate by going through it, I think is really helpful for me when I want to avoid that discomfort. I think too, that's where chat GPT has been interesting because so many people are using chat GPT in replacement of therapists, of coaches, of - Their own writing.

58:06Their own writing. Yeah. Anything. And the hardest part about conversation is not only language in the words. So it's helpful that chat GPT provides that, but it's the nervous system regulation. it's really being a body to body having the conversation so people are getting kind of the tools and stuff through chat that's helpful but like what's hardest about having a hard conversation is how your body reacts and feels so yeah there's so much that's happening as far as like how technology is sort of changing how we're relating and conversing with people and how we're connecting well my fear around chat gpt with therapy although interestingly i asked chat gpt what jobs were safest from chat gpt or from ai in general and it put therapy on the list um which i don't know a A lot of people are using it for therapy, but I come from a family of therapists.

58:51Both my parents are therapists. Both my husband's parents are therapists and my sisters are therapists. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Deep in it. And my fear around it is that I think people don't even realize the extent to which these algorithms are programmed to tell you what you want to hear. So they want to agree with you. That is just, they are designed to, if you're asking for something, they're designed to give you the thing you are asking for. Even Google is like that. So if you search, are strawberries healthy, it will give you every article about strawberries being healthy. If you search, are strawberries unhealthy, it'll give you every article about strawberries being unhealthy.

59:22And when you start to unpack that, it's very easy to see how we can live in these really different worlds in terms of the information that we're getting. But ChatGPT is a therapist. A good therapist is creating a safe space to push you beyond the boundaries of what is comfortable, to make you question things in your life. And ChatGPT is not going to do that. That chat GPT is going to tell you exactly what is most comfortable and what you most want to hear, which may not and often is not the thing that's going to benefit your life the most in the long run. I'll be like, sometimes chat will tell me something.

59:54I'm like, that's so crazy, dog. And it's like, haha, I know. Here's another answer. This is so funny. This is such a random side story. I'm in a group chat with some of my friends and she has a ring camera. And the ring camera keeps picking up these weird things. They're like these spirits or ghosts. We're like, we swear this is a ghost. so I uploaded the video to chat and I was like what do you see chat and chat was like whoa that looks like a man looks like a figure like and was going on and I'm like can you like superimpose it to make it to fill out what it would be and then chat gave me this picture of this like full man in a cowboy hat like sitting there and I was like chat that's fucking crazy it's like I know I gave you a scary movie I was like dude no I was like tone it down a little bit and then it kept giving me different options.

1:00:39It's like, what do you want? Like, what do you want from me? Yeah. What do you want from me? But like, yeah. But a therapist at that point, chat GPT is saying, what do you want from me? And how can I get it to you? A therapist is going to say, what do you need from me? And how can I get it to you? And that's so different. And the attunement. I mean, I think, you know, I've been reading about therapeutic relationships recently, just being in the coaching space. There's an aspect of it that's therapeutic, but it's not therapy, but there's an aspect. And in therapeutic relationships, the most important thing is the attunement.

1:01:05And so getting attuned to someone and building that trust over time. And that is like the energetic, you know, you have your like the brain entrainment, your energy entrainment, and that's regulation within your system. And that's almost like having them push you and continuing to meet them. So there are aspects, especially if you've had a good therapist where it's just not even close, like to what, you know, ChatGPT will do. How do you see ChatGPT changing our industry or health and wellness? I think that we're going to be able to get personalized medical advice pretty soon. I had a doctor named Eric Topol on the podcast recently, and he is a longevity expert.

1:01:45And then the whole episode's about like, what is the future of longevity look like? And he thinks within a year, we're going to be able to get very personalized information about like cancer prevention and cardiovascular health and all of that from AI, maybe not chat GPT, but AI in general. So I think what people are going to be looking for in our space is personal experiences, personal stories, vulnerable connections, rather than the like spitfire facts and information. Yeah, that's a good one. That's actually interesting because that's a different texture than sort of what we've came because it's like we've kind of started with vulnerable shares in human and then it became TikTok-y and it was like four hacks.

1:02:21Like it became that sort of formulaic. And then I think with AI, it's going to become even more formulaic. So the texture of human is going to be even more important. It's going to be more valuable. Yeah. And people are looking for connection. I was just talking to my girlfriend who's going through a really hard time right now. And she's like, I've always loved your podcast. I've always appreciated podcasts in general. Right now, I have a whole different level of appreciation for them because if I could not put these headphones on my ear and get to hear these conversations and get out of my head in this moment, I do not know what I would do.

1:02:53And I think having that podcast to me are so connecting versus other forms of other mediums. I think that they're, I feel so connected with my podcast listeners. I feel very connected to the podcast that I listen to. And I think that people are going to be seeking out that real feeling of human connection more and more and more. I agree.

1:03:11Lindsey Simcik:100%. When we were on your show, we talked about friendship and I was like kind of chomping at the bit to ask you about like your friendships and your relationships and how they've changed as you have really stepped into your purpose here in this really beautiful, successful career and brand? And I know sometimes that causes relationships to change. How have you navigated that if that's happened? So a few different things have happened. One, I have less friendships, but I have better friendships. I had a friendships expert on my podcast who said that we really can only have like four or five deep, deep friendships.

1:03:49And I found that, and you can have more people kind of in the outside circle. And I think that's great. But I found that so permission giving to be like, oh, I don't need this whole girl group that I'm like seeing on Instagram. I can have a few great friendships. And that's actually all my brain can really process and handle. And that was very, very helpful for me. In terms of the success, my favorite part of the success that I've had is it's exposed me to all of these women who are older than me, who are doing phenomenal things with their lives. And I've gotten to cultivate relationships with them.

1:04:20and that's been so satisfying for me. There's research from a woman named Dr. Becca Levy at Yale and it shows that we can add 7.5 literal years to our life if we have positive aging beliefs. So if you think that aging is a good thing, you literally will live 7.5 years longer, which is a lot. And the best way that we can have positive aging beliefs is to have positive aging role models. And through the podcast, I've been exposed to these authors and professors and women starting businesses in their 50s and 60s and having life transformations and that has just, it's been like a real life wiser than me type of situation.

1:04:55And it's been so heartening and really changed my perspective on aging.

1:04:59Lindsey Simcik:Life is long. Life is long. Yeah. I think I'm a person who puts a lot of pressure on like, got to do it all right now. And it's been really helpful for me to see all the different amazing chapters that these women are getting to have. It's interesting how we like place a prime. We're like, oh, 30s are our prime or 20s are our prime or you know what I mean? Like where I'm from, they said college was your prime. That is horrifying. Like if you're, if you think your prime is before your frontal lobe, it's developed. That's just like, that's crazy. You're probably like saying that when your frontal lobe.

1:05:36Lindsey Simcik:I don't know if the frontal lobe ever came in. It's still not.

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1:08:24Lindsey Simcik:Just on the topic of relationships, can you talk to us about the match theory? So match theory is the idea that in life, we're not looking to impress people. We're looking to find are authentic matches. So if you're going out on a date and you're dressing in a way that you wouldn't normally dress and you're trying to impress them, you're trying to get to that second date, even if you get to that second date, that third date, that fourth date, at best, if you're not being your authentic self, you have locked yourself into a life of performing, which isn't what we want. You can apply this to work.

1:08:51You can apply this to friendships. The faster that you are your authentic self, the faster that you will find your matches in life. And so you can apply this really pragmatically, like something I love to do is say, go on vacation with people as quickly as possible. Like you've been dating for a week, go on vacation with them. You've been friends with somebody like for a week, go on vacation with them because vacations give us so many opportunities for authentic selves to come out, whether we like it or not. Traveling with somebody just makes that happen. And then if it's not a match, that's such great information to have.

1:09:23And you can spend your time finding people who are a match. So true. I love that. I think that's been a beautiful part of dating post-divorce is like checking myself mid-date or after date. Like, was I myself? Like when I went, when was I performing? When was I like energy matching? Like sometimes I'll be on dates and I'm like, you know what? This is boring. Let's just turn it up. And I'm like, I'm never going to see them again. And I'll just like perform. I'm like, okay. I imagine it also makes me think that it could be a cool opportunity. We're always feeling into who am I in this moment. I don't think the idea of self is a defined concept.

1:09:59And I don't think that it's a permanent concept. I think it's always shifting and evolving. And I think dating and friendships and all these things also, you can try on these different things. And if it fits, that's really cool information to have about yourself. Like maybe I like when I'm a little bit more boisterous. Maybe I like when I'm a little bit more quiet. You can try on these different elements and get that information. And I think certain relationships

1:10:20Lindsey Simcik:bring that out in you where you're like, oh, this person's goofy. I want to be my goofy part of me, you know, like we're some friends, you might not feel that. So I like archetype work with a lot of the women that I work with, because it's like, if you play with archetypes, you can have the experience of playing into what it feels like to be like the vixen or the lover or the queen or the mother or the maiden. And you can still be self, but you're in conscious choice to see what it feels like to step into this other role. So when I'm like dating, like, I'll be like, oh, I'm in like my lover archetype, where I'm just like, I'm super sensual and playful and sexy and all these things.

1:10:56And I'm being me, but it's this like texture of me that like I get to turn on, you know, at work, it's like the queen or the huntress. And it's a fun way to play into things, but still have that sense of self where you're not doing it for someone else. We contain multitudes. Yes. And how do you, how do you handle that? Like a lot of women listening feel like they are multitudes, feel like there are so many things, feel like they have to box themselves in or they have to niche down. How do you give yourself permission to be in multitudes? I think it's the diversification of our lives. I think sometimes when we feel like we have to be boxed in, it's because we are only letting ourselves be one thing.

1:11:36Like we, our priority is just work. And I am this worker. I am like, I think at parties often they're like, what do you do? And you identify yourself as that. You're like, well, I'm a engineer. I am a podcast host. You're not. You are a person who does engineering. You are a person who hosts a podcast. It is one aspect of your personality. And I think that diversification can be really helpful for that. And that can happen very pragmatically. Like what other things are you leaning into in your life? Maybe you are a mother right now. And what else? And you are a reader and you are a sexy person in bed.

1:12:11You can be all these different things and providing the opportunities for those different sides of yourself to come out and to have space, I think is really important.

1:12:21Lindsey Simcik:Something that I've just really respected you exploring so publicly on your show and on your platform is just the question of, do I want to become a mother? I knew we were going to talk about my uterus when you said it. I know. I'm so happy because I'm like, oh, here's my uterus. I just think it's like, you know, it's a, it's a really important. Why uterus? Sorry. Just because that's where the baby would go. Oh. I'm like, we're talking about being a mother. You're like, my uterus. A lot of, so now I have like quite famous women on my show and they'll be like, here's when I think you should get pregnant.

1:12:49I was like, oh, like I have a lot of people weighing in on the state of my uterus at any given moment. Yeah. How does that feel? I feel like it's all in good fun and I have made the conversation public. And so it's kind of like, I think the good that is being done out of me very publicly grappling with whether I'm interested in this. This is what I want to create space for is so many people are like, if it's even a maybe it's a no. And what they mean by that, if it's not 100%, yes, it's a no. And they'll say it about motherhood all the time. And what they mean by that is motherhood is really, really hard.

1:13:19And you should be prepared for how hard it is. But what it doesn't allow for is like I debate what restaurant I'm going to go to. I'll debate what restaurant I'm going to go to for dinner for 20 minutes. I'm going to certainly debate whether I'm going to bring a human being into the world and have that human being into the world for the rest of my life. And I don't want to have to feel shame about having it not be 100%. I know what this decision should be. So if people weighing in on my uterus is the side effect of me saying you don't need to know, and that's okay. I did an episode with a therapist who works with helping couples decide whether or not they should have kids or whether or not they want to have kids.

1:13:58And she said that 60-40 is a really good place to land. It doesn't need to be a hundred percent. If you 60 % feel one way, like that's pretty excellent in terms of her experience.

1:14:09Lindsey Simcik:What have you discovered just about how you feel right now and maybe discovered between you and your husband? We want to have a kid. So we made that decision. Thank you. We made that decision maybe six months ago, a year ago. And that also came out in some ways from this episode where she said having one child can be a really nice thing for fence sitters, we're called to do, because it gives you some of the experience, but without as much of the life changes as having two or three or more. Um, and it's been, it's been really interesting. Like I, I think my whole thing is that life should be lived intentionally, at least for me, it's very important to me to live my life intentionally, whether that's the relationships that I have, whether it's the job that I do, whether it's just moment to moment how I'm living.

1:14:57And so what I've loved about this process is it's allowed me to bring even more intentionality into what do I want the next five years of my life to look like? Like what would we be like as parents? Intentionality into my relationship. It's created this whole new avenue for that intentionality that I've been really grateful for. I love that conscious choosing of things. Like I think that's so powerful. And yeah, I think that's what so often people will step into things. And I was even talking about this with marriage the other day and they'll be like, we're getting married. And it's like, what does that mean?

1:15:30What does marriage mean to you? I had a cheating expert on the podcast and she said one of the biggest mistakes that married people make or people in long-term relationships make is they don't define what cheating means. And so they don't even know what that means. And I do think all these things are like the definitions matter and they're going to be different for you than they are for anybody else. So I love the idea of Zoom. What does marriage mean? What does marriage mean? What does partnership mean? What does union mean? I think cheating is a really good one. I have that. I have that, I've had that before in some of the work that I do with the women.

1:16:00It's like men have a different idea of what cheating is. And person to person. For me, cheating is having eyes. You have to like set what you are violating, set the terms of what's happening for it to be violated and for both people to know that it's been violated. Yeah.

1:16:18Lindsey Simcik:I love that. So good. This has been so fun. I'm so thankful. What are you excited about right now? I feel like, you know, I don't know about you, but being an entrepreneur and just having a platform like this, there's like kind of always the question of like, what's next or what are you excited about? But I guess right now in this moment, what excites you? So I, I've had to reel myself in for being like, okay, what's my next book going to be? Do I need a product? Like, did you see there's a Miley Cyrus interview recently where her stepdad, I think was like, Hey girl, why don't you have a makeup line?

1:16:48And she's like, cause I don't know anything about makeup. Like I'm a singer. I'm a musician. This is what I do really well. And I actually feel like I'm in that era for myself right now. I'm a podcast host. This is what I do really well. Every single time I finish a podcast, I'm like, this is what I was put on the planet to do. This is what I'm best at. This is what I get the most joy from. This is what I feel like flow state from. And so I've kind of zoomed back into my podcast and just been like, I feel so grateful. I get to do two episodes a week. And I don't need other stuff right now. I need that.

1:17:17And I love like loving where you are. Yeah. You know, like it's just like, Yeah, it's like capitalism that pushes us not to. 100%. I think it's also people's inability to like think of anything interesting or new where they're like, what's not, you know what I mean? It's like kind of like - Like it's a reflection of the person asking. Yeah. It's just kind of like not a lot of like tools to understand, you know, what are other creative questions. But yeah, I love that also too. It's like leaving room for surprise, being where you're at, like loving what you do is like so beautiful. What would be two episodes that you'd suggest our audience to listen to?

1:17:48Well, definitely you should come listen to the one with Lindsay. I assume that the people like you guys. And so I listened to that one. And then I would say the happiness hacks episode that I listened to. It's a solo episode. So on Mondays, we have 20 to 30 minute episodes. They're bite-sized. They're just a really fun way to kick off your week. And that one is, I've tried all the happiness hacks in the world. I've heard from all these happiness experts. And here are the four that actually work.

1:18:14Lindsey Simcik:So good. This has been amazing. I'm so good. We had a whole afternoon together. It's such a joy. I know you guys love Liz already, but just make sure to listen to the show and then our podcast on the show for sure to start. And we will see you on the next one. We love you. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much, Liz. Again, that's Liz Moody on Almost 30. We love you guys. Thank you so much for listening to the show. If this episode or any other episode really resonated with you, I bet it would resonate with a friend or maybe a family member. And it's always a great way to just start a conversation. So please share it.

1:18:48Lindsey Simcik:It means the world to us. It's how we've grown. And be sure to subscribe to us everywhere you listen to podcasts as well as on YouTube. We love you guys. We'll see you on the next one. Bye. Bye.