792. Why You’re Still Stuck in Old Patterns: The 3 Beliefs Secretly Running Your Life

25:52I'm in cooperation with life. So I always create with life. I'm never creating in a vacuum or in isolation. and i think a lot of people myself included unknowingly go about their manifestations like with that underlying assumption of like i gotta i'm creating my reality it's like no all of life is creating it for you at every moment and so you should try to develop the friendliest most loving relationship with life that you possibly can because life knows a lot better than you do what you actually want and what will actually satisfy you and that's the whole paradox to me, Krista, is like living in this human experience where I'm so incredibly limited.

26:32I only have this tiny little reference frame of this person, Aaron. And I think from that perspective, I know what I want. I can't possibly know what I want. Like I've been chasing what I want my whole life and it led me into my dark night of the soul, you know? So at some point you give up, like, I'm going to create my reality and be happy. And you say, no, I'm going to surrender to God and allow God to create it for me. And I'll just be in cooperation with that will. that's a very, of course in miracles kind of approach. But to me, it's the only winning attitude there is. I, so how do we do that in practicality?

27:03Cause I'm even in that experience in my life right now where I'm like, okay, I'm like right now I'm at a point in my life where there's a different phase in my career, a different phase in my personal life. And so it's like, how am I taking action? How am I setting myself up for the life that I want, but then also leaving room for God. Like, I feel like it's so interesting for me because if I were, this is my belief, if I were surrendering it all to God, I wouldn't be making any plans. And so I'm kind of in that. And I think a lot of people in our community are becoming more privy to God, just moving through them and working with them a lot by our support of God's PR team.

27:45But it's like, how do we work that balance? How do you live with that balance? Yeah. Super pertinent question. And although I could go into like a law of attraction vein with this. I'll stick to kind of how the book addresses that question, which is one of the core philosophies of the book is this idea of relationship, right? That everything exists in relationship, literally everything, like the chair you're sitting on, you're in relationship to it, the air you're breathing, the sound of my voice, your own thoughts. You cannot escape this fact of everything exists in relationship. And so you might as well used to the idea and start understanding what is a real relationship then?

28:22What is a loving relationship? Because the definition of enlightenment that I give in the book is that enlightenment to me now, at least, is just the ability to be in loving relationship with everything at all times. Obviously, easier said than done, but it's a practice that has to be trained and gradually mastered. So what is relationship? Well, of course, in Miracles has this amazing kind of philosophy of giving and receiving. And it really helps me to understand that like, that's what a real relationship is. It's a mutual exchange of giving and receiving. And so in whatever exchange you're in, the idea is how can I be both in a giving and receiving state with this relationship?

29:07So in terms of like being in a loving relationship with life, right? What does that look like? Well, the state of giving, first of all, just means giving your best. It means I'm here to help. I'm here to serve. I'm not just here for myself and to satisfy all my own selfish wants. I'm here to give. I'm here to bless. I'm here to serve. I'm here to radiate and be who I am and give value to the world. So whoever the person is right in front of me, part of my inner disposition should always be, how can I help this person? And it might be as simple as just listening to them or something, but it also might mean giving them money or whatever.

29:42You've got to be in that state yourself of what does it look like to give to this person? What do they need right now? But then I also have to be in the state of receiving. So giving and receiving are not actions per se, but states of being. You have to practice. So what does it mean to receive life? Clearly it means to accept what happens to me, right? Whatever life brings to me, I have to know it's for my highest good in some way. It's leading me closer to a happy outcome. that my soul really wants. So I can never resist life because the moment I resist life and say, no, life, I don't want this to happen, then I cut myself off from true relationship.

30:22And so in terms of like manifestation, the universe contains all abundance. There is no lack, as I go into great detail about. But there can be a willful lack of relationship with life and with abundance, right? Just because everything's available to us doesn't mean the universe is going to force us to experience everything. Like you've been given free will. So each one of us has to choose what do I want to be in relationship to? We have to find our own path, but whatever it is, I want to be in relationship with whatever form of abundance I want to experience. If I'm not in a state of giving and receiving, I will continually cut myself off from that flow because the universe thrives on giving and receiving.

31:06It's a state of perfect balance. And the universe can't be imbalanced, right? Any degree to which you or I try to imbalance the universe by resisting it or judging it or anything of the sort, that violation has to come back upon us, right? We pay the toll, not the universe, because the universe can't be imbalanced. So that's the famous teaching of Jesus in Luke 6, 37, judge and you will be judged. Condemn and you will be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven for the measure you give will be the measure you get back. That's universal law. So like we have to know that as we go about creating our reality and say, okay, I'm allowed to create whatever I want, but I can't do it outside of the state of giving and receiving.

31:53So what that looks like practically, I think is each and every day I'm here to give to life. So this idea of like surrender to God by no means means like you sit on your couch and stare at the wall and drool or something. It means I'm going to do the next right thing. I'm going to give the best I can give right now and just keep doing that. And then the second half of that is receiving. I'm going to always accept what happens to me today and ask God, what's your will here? And as I do that, at least what I have found is that the path just starts to lay itself out before you and what feels aligned for you flows into your experience and you know it and you feel it and you act on it.

32:33Because what's more natural than saying yes to what feels aligned, right? To me, that's the real way we create is like one breadcrumb at a time, not so much like, let me go meditate and visualize the perfect outcome and then wait for that to happen. It's like that outcome may look way different than you imagined. So we should never get too hung up on the details, like leave that up to the universe. Just understand the essence of what I want, which is something I go into detail about in the book as well. I love that.

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35:24That's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 % off your first month. Yeah, I feel like in my path, I've noticed that it's like at the beginning, and I don't know if this is where I was spiritually or where we were collectively, but I felt like I had to really plan out to manifest things. Like it had to be like, I had to visualize and I had to really have a strategy for what I was creating. And now it is, it's like, I have to walk through one door and then the next door opens and I have to really stay present with what is instead of kind of over-indexing and planning for, I guess the question on that is there's a lot of women in the audience that want to be better receivers.

35:57How, what is the relationship between the ego and receiving and what could be some ways in which the ego is preventing women from receiving in a true way so that they can be in better balance? Awesome question. Well, so in the book, I talk about giving and receiving as being true relationship, but the ego has an inversion of everything that's true, right? So the question is, what is the ego's version of relationship? Because we know it's not giving and receiving. The ego perceives giving as losing, right? What I give is what I lose, says the ego. so it doesn't want to give so the ego's version of relationship is taking and keeping taking and keeping is the opposite of giving and receiving so like there's two different ways to receive something from somebody you can take it from them or they can give it to you and you can receive it and then in terms of giving what's the opposite of giving but withholding right keeping withholding Ego doesn't want to give because giving is losing.

36:59So on the receiving end, it's I need to let life come to me, right? And this is why it's so important to follow the breadcrumb trail and not get so obsessed with outcomes. Because if you're asking the universe to give you something, Jesus said, he who is faithful with little will be given much. So one thing I've really learned about the universe is that it's always putting us to the test to see, can you put your money where your mouth is? It's very easy to pray in your room, like, God, I trust you with everything and my life is surrendered to you. And then you get it a long red light and you're like, what the fuck?

37:39I was saying, I said the other day, it was like, do your patterns match your prayers? Because I was even like - Oh, that's good. I was even praying and I'm like, girl, what did you do today that matches what you were just praying for? I was watching Love Island for like four hours. I was like, I'm post book launch, so I'm kind of in like a different mode. But I was like, this is not, you have to actually live in the thing. So continue. Yeah. That's great. Your patterns match your prayers. Yeah. I'm on my pastor vibe. I love it. Let's preach, baby. Have some church. Yeah, it's so true. Why should the universe give you way more money or responsibility or power when you can't even be faithful with the little it's given you.

38:21You're already telling the universe, I'm not ready or worthy of that gift yet. So you see why it's good to be very present with your life and pay attention to what's happening in this moment, because you may not connect that the way you interact with the grocery store clerk who's being rude to you is a way you can manifest more money or something, right? The ego won't make those connections because it has a specific outcome in mind. It's going to look like this. And that's actually the second belief of the ego is outcome happiness that I deal with heavily in the book. It's like my happiness depends on outcomes.

38:55And so I, the ego, know what that outcome is that will truly satisfy me and I'm going to go get it. And that just leads us on the wild rat race that the ego puts us on. And that's like your will but gods. I loved how in that, the second belief you said, the ego continually assures you that the happiness you seek is definitely just around the bend of the next outcome it wants. Yet how many times have we believed this and wound up disappointed? We seek acceptance, status, approval, victory, and wealth as if they had ever truly satisfied us before, which is, I think, the trap that so many people are on.

39:29I would say, I want to kind of go back for just one second. I want to just double click on the connection between like abundance and what people want. And I think this is, I just really think it's so important because so many people are trying to create something in their life, more abundance, love, deeper relationship, purpose driven career, like all of that things. And I think they're just really focused on that one lane of thing and putting their energy to that one, to have it manifest in that specific way. So I just want to kind of expand upon why that isn't the route and why you should be looking at the micro relationships and the micro things a little bit more.

40:08Yeah. It's a good one to drill in on. I mean, the universe will kind of, in a sense, it'll let you create your reality any way you want. Like if you want to go about the standard method of like vision journal and every day I meditate and I see the outcome, like fine. And it'll kind of let you do that. But at some point it's going to... I always call it matrix play. Yeah. Yeah. It'll let you play in the matrix. but at some point for your own good, it's going to slap you around a little bit and be like, you need to come higher than this. This is not the ultimate end of things. And I think the philosophy for me is that I don't know better than life.

40:40I don't know better than God. My imagination is not as great as God's by any means, right? And this is where we can really get into the first belief. I think it kind of addresses this specific question is the idea of form versus essence. We always think we want a form of some kind. We want a certain paycheck, a person, a relationship, a car, a house, or whatever. And it's actually never the form that actually satisfies us. You know, hence the famous Jim Carrey quote, right? I wish everybody could get everything they want so they could just find out none of it will satisfy you. So it's always the essence behind the form that we really want.

41:18And so for the belief in lack, the first belief of the ego. In the book, I give a specific philosophy that helps you to requalify each of the three beliefs. And so the one that I use for requalifying the belief in lack is a line from A Course in Miracles that just changed my world when I read it, which says, only what I do not give can ever be lacking. So whenever I feel the emotion of sadness, any kind of sadness i know for sure that's my emotional guidance system telling me you have a lack belief in your mind right now it's impossible to feel sad unless you think you are lacking or have lost something that you want or need so then i go okay so it's the belief in lack is why i'm sad and so i ask what is it that i believe i'm lacking right now and go to the essence don't go to the form the ego will distract you for eternity with forms it's this girl it's this guy.

42:14It's this thing. It's this outcome. Don't play that game with ego. Go to the essence of what I want. I want love. I want connection, right? And when you go to the essence, that's where you understand what it means to say only what I don't give can ever be lacking. Because if you think it's about forms, it won't make any sense at all. You're like, how do I give a romantic relationship? I can't do that. It's like, well, the romantic relationship isn't really what you want. And they'll say, that's ridiculous. Of course it is. I say, well, didn't you just break up with somebody? Yeah. Wasn't that a romantic relationship?

42:45Yeah. Why do you, if you want it, why did you break up with the person? Because they made me unhappy. Great. So that's what you really want, right? And you're using romantic relationships to get happiness. So we can always give right now the essence of anything we want. And that's part of the giving aspect of relationship. So if I want love in my life, then I should start giving love. So if you're at that position, which we've all been in many times in our life where post breakup or whatever, and you're like, I just don't feel any love in my life. That is where you need to start giving love. You cannot take love from the universe.

43:22That's what the ego tries to do. The universe does not operate on taking and keeping. It operates on giving and receiving. So it's waiting for you to give the essence of what you desire. That's how you tell the universe what you want. You have to give the essence of what you desire to telegraph that to the universe. Whatever you're giving out, the universe sees that and says, oh, this person resonates on this frequency. Let's bring them more of that. But if you're withholding love all the time because you're waiting for someone to come along and just give you love or someone you can take love from, then you're not going to have a happy outcome because you're now under the ego's thought system.

43:59So really, it's like we just have these two ways, these two thought systems, and the first chapter deals with them. There's the thought system of unity or the thought system of separation. Unity is giving and receiving. Separation is taking and keeping. So interesting because when you're talking to, I guess, I keep thinking about the ways that the ego is tricky and hides because it's like someone might hear this and they'd be like, okay, I need to give more love. It's like, okay, I'm going to give more love. And the whole time they're giving love. With an outcome in mind. Yeah, they're like, I want more love back.

44:29So how do people catch that? Because I just, women are so intelligent, so powerful, and I work with so many of them. And I also can see the ways that things just kind of flip a little bit where it is like, okay, so I need to, I want to get a relationship as the example. That means I need to give more love. That means I'm going to go out in the world and I'm going to be giving more love, but I'm giving more love the whole time thinking about how I lack love and I'm giving love in that, you know what I mean? So how do you kind of watch the tricks of the ego to find the true intention of what you're doing because so much of the energetics of things is really what the universe is reading and responding to, not the beliefs.

45:10Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you totally nailed it. And so the meta level of that, metaphysically, if you are - I'm wearing one earring. I just realized that. Good thing it's on that side, right? Dude, literally it is on the video side. I can take this one out. We can match. Okay, perfect. It's a new thing. Because that's the gay side, right? Yeah. Don't, man. Darn it. Don't make me so happy with a gay joke. Literally, the key to my heart is literally gay jokes. Nice. We'll talk after the pod then. Honestly. So the meta level of this is that if you are giving, if you're being kind to somebody with an expectation in mind because you're trying to get something, the universe doesn't consider that real giving.

45:53So it's not real giving is the short answer. But practically, how do you catch yourself doing that is your question. And that's what I deal with in the second belief, that all three of these beliefs, by the way, lack, attachment, and control. They flow into each other. They imply one another. So it begins with, I'm separate from source. I'm separate from life. Therefore, I'm lacking. So now that I'm lacking, nobody can just be satisfied with that idea that I'm lacking. there's a natural impulse of, well, I want to fulfill my lack, right? And so that leads to the second belief of the ego that if I am lacking, maybe I can go out into the world and fulfill my lack.

46:32I can win pleasurable outcomes and then my lack will be gone. And then that leads to the third belief of, well, who's going to do all of that? Who's going to go out and make life happen and win positive outcomes? I'm going to do it. I'm in control of life. I can tell life what I'm going to do and all of that. So those are the three beliefs. They all imply each other. So that's why you can't just stop with the first belief because the ego will get you with the second one, right? So Jesus said something about this in Matthew. He said, when you give to the poor, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, which is a very clever, like Semitic way of saying, don't give it to your ego, you know?

47:12So the ultimate answer is just keep asking yourself in all of your giving, if it's going to be true giving from unity consciousness, it has to be without any expectation of return. So I'm not giving to get, I'm giving to give. So it's just about checking in with yourself and saying, am I deriving joy just from the act of giving? Am I doing this just because I want to see this person blessed because I can feel love and compassion for them? That's the only litmus test you need to take yourself through. And so, yeah, when you adopt this practice and you say, okay, I'm going to start giving what I want now, then yeah, you're going to need to check in with yourself regularly and just make sure your intention's pure because ego is the great hijacker, right?

47:54It wants to sneak into everything it can and make it for its own purposes. So expect ego to do that and be on guard for it. But I think when you understand all three of these beliefs, it paints a pretty clear picture of like, These are literally the only three functions the ego has is to generate the illusion of lack and then create attachments out of that. And then through that, make me believe I'm separate and in control of life. Once it has you on that third belief, it's got you by the horns, right? So we kind of have to back engineer things a little bit. And I think it all has to begin with that original belief in lack.

48:31I want to talk a little bit about the emotions and the emotional guidance system. In it, the chapter on the emotional guidance system, you talk about your emotions are an expression of your innermost being, but not in the way you once thought. Until now, you have believed that your feelings defined you and gave evidence to your negative thoughts. So that good feelings meant you were a good person and bad feelings meant you were a bad person. In reality, however, it is you who attributes all of these meanings to your feelings. Your feelings do not define you, rather you define them. You are never at the receiving end of your emotions.

49:03You were always at the creative end, which I just loved. And I want to talk a little bit more about that because our audience are women and they are, you know, emotions are, emotions are the feminine, the feminine, you know? So how do we work with that? Like, yeah. How is a feminine being when we have all of these emotions, how do we work with them in a way that's embracing and loving, but also mindful of the ways in which they can impact us? Yeah. Well, women tend to be more feeling-based, intuitive-based than men, and they tend to not be as conceptual about everything. But I think that this framework helps bridge masculine and feminine pretty well because it just gives you a really simple understanding of emotions that – I mean, our whole lives, my goodness, we've been completely led astray by society and how society defines emotions.

49:55classic phrase i bring up is like how many times have you heard somebody say well you can't trust your emotions because your emotions will lead you astray you got to be practical krista and it's i get what people mean by that but the truth is the reverse right by the time you feel negative emotions you've already gone astray somewhere in your mind because your emotions are reflections of your mind so actually emotions cannot lead you astray because they're just a feedback device for when you've already gone astray. So by the time I feel negative, I need to not say, well, that emotion is unreliable.

50:31Let me toss that emotion out and think pragmatically here. That's called spiritual bypassing, right? I need to bring that emotion closer and say, what are you trying to tell me? Sadness. And each emotion, as I said, is trying to point you to one of those three beliefs. If it's sadness, it's my emotional guidance system saying, you have a lack belief at play in your mind right now. And if it's anger, it's my emotional guidance system saying, you have an attachment to an outcome right now. And if I feel fear of any kind, it's my emotional guidance system saying, you're trying to control something and you're not trusting God with it.

51:08So in that way, all of a sudden, these negative emotions become like friendly messengers from our inner world and they come to report important information. See, an example I often give, It's not in the book, actually, but imagine like a messenger from medieval times or whatever rides in on a horse from a faraway country into the king's chamber and says, my lord, there's a great army approaching. Rally the troops or whatever. And the king is like not happy to hear that. It's not good news. It's bad news. But does he spear the messenger and kill the guy? No, that's where the phrase comes from, right?

51:45Don't shoot the messenger because a messenger carrying bad news is a faithful friend you should be grateful for. So we have to adopt that. That's a good one. Yeah, like that perspective of our negative emotions of thank you for warning me that I'm thinking out of alignment with truth. And that's, I think, to answer your real question here is like that's the philosophy that I think bridges masculine and feminine really well is that your emotions are never speaking to your circumstances. experiences they're never telling you what to do because emotions are non-conceptual they're a sensation they don't carry conceptual information so it's impossible that your emotion could tell you what to do that's your ego right your ego grabs the emotion and makes a story out of it and tells you what it thinks you should do from it the emotion itself is just like a mirror it's reflecting a lack an attachment or a control and that's it that's all it ever does and so then we can develop a truly loving relationship with emotions because we receive them finally.

52:45We stop resisting them like enemies or something. And then we can respond to the message they're giving us by giving the right reaction to it, right? So if it's lack, I requalify the lack. If it's attachment, I requalify that. Your emotion is just here to show you and warn you of where you're out of alignment. So if I think about myself in a way that God or the universe does not think about me, then I must feel a negative emotion because how else would I know it's wrong, right? If it felt good to think incorrectly about myself, if insecurity felt good, then I would be insecure forever and love it and I would never change or grow, right?

53:26It has to be uncomfortable uncomfortable because that's what causes us to want to move away from that position. So like if you and I are driving in a car and I'm driving and you're in the passenger seat and you look over and I've dozed off at the wheel, you're probably going to wake me up really abruptly. And if we're heading towards a cliff or a building or something, you're probably going to like slap me on the back of the head. You're not going to be gentle about it. And I wouldn't want you to be. and in the same way like the universe sees incorrect thoughts and beliefs that dangerously like they're dangerous to hold and so it's trying to warn you with negative emotions and what do we do we say shut up i hate you i don't like when you make me feel this way and we push them away and so it's no wonder our problems only continue right what are your thoughts on the personification of the ego in what sense like how people personify their ego in a way Like giving it a name?

54:20Yeah. And they kind of like make it another part of them or like an entity or like another aspect of them. Yeah. How do you feel? Do you feel like that's helpful? Do you feel like that's? I think it can be helpful for a while. I think any perspective will outlive its usefulness at a certain point. Even these teachings will. Every teaching is just for a certain stage of the spiritual path, right? And once you cross over that stage, you need a new teaching or a wider perspective or something. So if people are doing that and it's working for them, just like any practice or teaching, I say, great, keep rocking with it until it wears itself out and you need to go to the next level.

55:00And so when you understand the ego isn't an entity that you can have a relationship with, then I think that would kind of naturally drop away for people. Right. Yeah. I think sometimes it can be helpful to have something, personify things maybe in a way to pull it apart from you. If you're still in the aspect of like seeing it outside of you. Cause a lot of these teachings I was thinking about, and I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It's like a lot of it is having the moment or the split second of the separateness from you, not like the separateness, but you know, the conscious awareness of things.

55:32And it really is that. And I've been thinking about this a lot with my clients where I'm like, actually everyone, you guys need to meditate because we need to, I'm like, I'm like, this is what you're paying me the big bucks. You guys got to meditate. Cause it's like, we, we actually have to get to the point where we're witnessing, you know, the thoughts or witnessing the emotions, we're witnessing the beliefs. So can you, can you speak to that? Cause I really actually think we can talk about all of this, but if you don't have that opportunity of that second, even when you were at the Google of the second of split from the ego or split from what's happening and awareness of it so that you could choose something different.

56:06Talk about that more and how people can cultivate that. Yeah. Well, this is why I sort of mentioned this at the beginning that these two ingredients for freedom are so essential that you have to have a true desire to be free because that's what creates real mindfulness and awareness. In order for anyone to be successful with these teachings that I'm giving in the book, like a solid working amount of self-awareness is totally essential, right? I could hand this book to an unconscious person who doesn't care about spirituality and they're going to think it's gobbledygook, right? So you got to have some self-awareness.

56:39But the deeper key for me about awareness is that like silence itself, like being silent, connecting to stillness, silence is just the state of listening, right? When you're silent, you're listening to reality, you're receiving. And so if like you're the one who's gotten yourself into this mess, right, with your ego and all your suffering, so maybe you shouldn't try to be the one that gets yourself out of it, right? Maybe surrender that to a higher power, to the Almighty and say, God, only you can show me out of this darkness. So I'm going to sit still, I'm going to be still and listen and you show me the way.

57:18And that's what awareness is, right? It's you being still and letting the divine, letting higher intelligence show you things because the ego can't transcend itself. And so if you're trying to do, do, do, do, I'm going to be a better meditator. All of these things reinforce ego at the end of the day, because you're doing something to get a result, which is the second belief of ego, the second function of the ego. And so instead we, we actually heal, we transcend, we expand by not doing, which is the paradox, but you'll, you'll probably notice, right, that every good spiritual teaching is always put in the negative.

57:54It's like, give that up, let go, surrender, don't identify, don't attach, give up control. It's always about not doing something because, again, you're the one who's gotten yourself into this problem, so more doing isn't going to get you out of it. That's so interesting. I was, like, thinking about, too, of, like, how in the Bible a lot of it's, like, a lot of focus is on the don't do, but actually when you read it and like Jesus is teaching, it's on more of like the positive aspects of it. What were some of the teachings of Jesus that related to like the three beliefs or related to the work that you're doing on the ego that you use?

58:28Yeah. The final chapter of the book is titled Jesus and the three beliefs because I was reading the story of Jesus's 40 days in the wilderness sometime before the book was published. And I was reading it and I just couldn't believe how I'd never seen this before in the story, but Jesus goes through the famous three temptations, right? And each one of them is perfectly, each one of the three beliefs. First, he says, if you really are the son of God, command these stones to turn into bread and satisfy your hunger. Because Jesus is hungry, right? He's been fasting. And Jesus requalifies it with scripture, right?

59:06And then the second temptation - What does he say with scripture? He says, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. So he's like, I don't make my abundance. God does essentially is what he's saying. Super gangster. I know. There's nothing hotter than me than this. Totally, right? I'm like, just talk that talk. Talk about Jesus, baby. Second temptation is he takes him to a mountaintop and he shows him all of like Jerusalem or something. And he says, if you worship me, I'll give you all these treasures of this world and power over everything in these kingdoms, which is the second belief, right?

59:43Attachment, desire, external fulfillment. And it's very much what ego does for our attachments. Whatever it is the ego desires, it'll crack the whip on you to make you its slave to go get its outcome. That's what addiction is. Ego's always this cruel taskmaster. And so, yes, ego will give you the material desires you want, but they wear off very quickly. And the price you pay is I've got to be the ego's slave, essentially. And so in perfect order, the devil, Satan, says to Jesus, if you serve me, if you worship me, I'll give you everything you want. Like that's exactly what the ego says to everybody, right?

1:00:24Yeah. And then the third temptation is he takes Jesus to the top of the temple and he says, if you really are the son of God, throw yourself off of this temple and save yourself and prove that you are all powerful, right? And that's the third belief in control, right? Like prove you can save yourself. You can do it, right? You're the son of God. You're powerful. Do it. And he requalifies it by saying, no, you never put God to the test, which to me is like, whenever I try to act, whenever I try to get something from the position of my own personal power, it's like I'm inventing a second power because metaphysically, there's only one power in the universe.

1:01:03It's God. There is no other power by which one can act. So all of us, everyone is always acting from the God power, the God energy that infuses everyone and animates everyone. So you can't act separately or alone. And to even try to do so is like you're inventing a second power. And so one of the requalifications that I give in the book is two powers do not exist. I am resting in one power. And that's something you would want to repeat anytime you get into stress and fear and worry about your life is realize, oh, what I'm really feeling is that my ego is trying to invent, make itself its own God and its own power.

1:01:42It's going to do it by itself. And so of course that feels stressful because that's impossible, number one. And number two, I don't need to do that. I can let God do everything on my behalf. As long as I stay in cooperation, in relationship, God does everything, right? I'm not the doer. So although that's a little more of a philosophical one of the three, I think it's probably the most important one to understand. That's so cool. Okay, so this is a good one for you. So God. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about this where I've been thinking a lot about how God is coming a lot more online or people are talking about God a lot more.

1:02:19People are using the word God. People are finding more comfort in that expression. And I'm going to sound like I'm being judgmental and so this probably isn't the voice of God, but I'm also getting curious about how a lot of people use the word God and it might not be the voice of God, but it might be the voice of the ego. For sure. So, yeah, can you talk a little bit about that and how we can know if it's the voice of God or the voice of the ego in ourselves and maybe seeing it in other people? Because I think in the spiritual community, maybe outside, I've even seen it outside of the spiritual community where there's just a lot of people using the name of God, but it's actually a different type of voice.

1:02:53So can you say more? Yeah, again, this is where the understanding the philosophy underneath it all really settles it for me. Philosophies say more, like from the Bible or just in general? No, like spiritual philosophy, like metaphysics or something. I think really it's ontology. It's the nature of God, the being of God. And what is the nature of God? Because as we know, God can't change. Even the Bible says that, Isaiah 45, 5, God can't change. And so we should know what God's nature is because then it's a lot easier to discern which voice we're hearing. And so, for example, and I love the law of one's kind of breakdown of positive polarity, negative polarity, but the idea is this.

1:03:33In the thought system of unity or the way that God's true nature is, it's always the part serving the whole and the whole serving the part. So the whole serves all of its parts and the parts in turn serve the whole. So God always speaks like that. So whatever God is saying to you or urging you to do, it will always be something that has everybody in mind. So like on the positive polarity, in unity, everyone wins together. It's impossible that somebody can win while another person loses in unity consciousness, right? So my win is your win. Like literally, even when you grow spiritually in a room by yourself, you show up the next day and you're kinder to me and all of that.

1:04:17And so I win too, right? You always win together in God's thought system. And so ego, juxtaposing that is the opposite. It's the part taking from the whole to serve itself at the cost of the whole. And so you can kind of use that as your litmus test, right? Of does this thought or does this desire to do this thing, is it all about me and making me happier without anyone else in mind? Then it's definitely ego. So there's a way, it doesn't mean I shouldn't want that or whatever it means. Let me requalify that back to unity again. So if it's whatever the desire is, like how can I go about manifesting this desire in a way that would benefit everybody involved too?

1:05:00That to me is the easiest differentiation between God and ego. God is unconditional love. God is not capable of leaving anybody out. And so the more we become like God, the more we think like that, right? Is we just really want to bless everyone and we extract and derive more and more joy, more and more fulfillment from helping other people. That is a really like high level of spiritual attainment. I think when you genuinely, like you wake up every day looking forward to serving and blessing and helping, because that's actually what makes you the happiest. Like maybe you still watch Netflix and you have your favorite TV show or whatever you like to surf.

1:05:37Yeah. That's all cool. But what makes you the most happy, what lights you up the most is seeing other people blessed. We should all strive to get to that place.

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1:08:41When we talk about the ego in relationships, I think for a lot of people that are operating in relationships, a lot of the women, especially in our community, which I think we've actually talked about this before, because a lot of the women are doing a lot of spiritual development worth personal growth. And they're in relationships with men that maybe aren't doing that type of work. So how do your ego beliefs impact your relationships, especially if you're doing the work and the men are not? This topic comes up a lot in my 40 university calls. Is it mostly women or what's the vibe? Yeah, but not always, but it's definitely more women for sure.

1:09:19It's just such a hot topic. And it's so relevant to any of us that are on a spiritual path. It's like, what greater catalyst is there than romantic relationships? So there's so much nuance to this, but my general advice to my students who are going through this problem of, I mean, I think it's a problem that every single one of us, every single person listening to this who is on a conscious spiritual path has already experienced this or will, which is just the outgrowing of relationships. Of course, you're going to outgrow relationships. How many people in your life are as interested in spiritual ascension as you are?

1:09:59Probably very few. So you should expect that you're going to outgrow certain relationships. And so to me, that's become way less of a big deal than it used to be because it's like, yeah, no, this is good. Like I should outgrow my relationships. Why not? But it's the way I deal with that outgrowing that makes all the difference. And so in a romantic setting, of course, it's a lot more prone to being messy and painful and convoluted. But I think, again, the general philosophy you should have in mind in a romantic relationship is, I'm not here to take love from this person. That's ego and will always lead to suffering.

1:10:40I want a partnership where I can truly give love to somebody and receive their freely given love. And so if you're in a relationship where your partner is trying to take love from you, if they're clingy, codependent, jealous, all of these things, then that's a super out of alignment relationship. So I don't need to know anything else to know that this relationship is not for me anymore. When you start living this stuff, it reorients your whole life and your priorities pretty quickly. You're like, no, giving and receiving is the only way I find happiness. And my goal in life is to always be in that state.

1:11:15And so if I can be in that state everywhere else, but every time I'm with my romantic partner, we're in this special relationship, taking love from each other, then it's going to feel really discongruent for you. And you're going to keep suffering and keep suffering until you finally break and leave the relationship. And so the big freaking challenge, as we both know, is like making that decision long before it gets to the point where it's so messy you just have to leave. We all struggle with that. It's super difficult because there's history there. There's sentimentality. You've been through a lot of life with this person.

1:11:51So it's so hard for the ego to break its attachments. But this is where the philosophy of giving and receiving really helps because if you really do love this person and you want their best, you can see how if you're in a dysfunctional relationship, an abusive relationship. It is not loving to your partner to be their target board every day and perpetuate their narcissism or their abuse or their insecurity. And so the question we should all ask is, is my presence in their life perpetuating their issue? Am I giving them free opportunity to be more judgy, insecure, jealous, whatever? Then that's not loving.

1:12:31And I should want to leave this relationship for their own good and have that conversation with them, of course. I think you should always communicate these things. But yeah, you can't make somebody want to grow with you. And that's the tough part of being on a spiritual path in relationship is that you got to take your time in finding the right partner. And even if you do find the right partner, you can't guarantee that you're not going to outgrow each other or just kind of go different directions later in life. So not having attachments to outcomes when you go into a relationship is how you set yourself up for success.

1:13:06I've made this mistake in every relationship I've had in my life where I go into it with an outcome in mind of this should be my person. We should be together forever. And you'd be shocked just how much conflict having that expectation will lead to versus going in saying, look, I have no idea if this is my person. Yeah. This might not be my person. I'm going to find out. I'm like what Abraham Hicks says. I like you very much. Let's see how this goes. Totally. That's what she said. She's like, that's what we should all be doing. And that's where I realized I was in suffering where, you know, at the beginning of dating, I would meet every man and I'd be like, are you my husband?

1:13:42You know, like, and then I'd start dating someone. I'd be like, are you going to be the person I'm with forever? Are you going to be the person I wake up with every single day? And I'm like, no, like that is just, I do think I'm grateful for having been divorced because it does give me a different perspective where I think, you know, like I think if I wasn't, I would be way more interested in the attachment and way more in the belief of this has to be forever. Now I'm like, yeah, this will be a season. And you know, like I'm probably like a little like on the other side where I'm like, yeah, this will be a beautiful season of my life because I realized that it is more painful when I'm because then I look at someone from the perception of a fear of, okay, if you're my person forever, then you have to be this certain way that actually keeps them in a way in which they can't evolve and grow into the person that they're meant to be because I'm holding them to, you have to be the person that's good for me in this now moment to be the person that I'm going to, you know, and it's like not actually giving them the space of being a human of like, this works for now.

1:14:43And then they can also grow into what could even be better for me in the relationship at the time. Mm-hmm. Well, what you just said of, is this my person or whatever? Yeah. Like translate that to ego's language. Giving or this is receiving. What you're saying is, is this my outcome? That's a good one. That's all it is. Yeah, that's so true. And so maybe we can - In control a little bit. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But like that feeling of specialness of like, are you the one? Yeah. It means, are you the outcome? Yeah. Which means you're going to create all my suffering soon? Like that's literally what you're saying.

1:15:13Wow. Because attachments have to lead to suffering. And by the way, expectation is the subtlest form of attachment. Even to have an expectation of somebody is a form of attachment. So my students will ask things like, well, come on, Aaron, if somebody disrespects me verbally and I get upset, don't I have every right to be upset? It's like, well, yeah, of course. But the why are you upset is because you had an expectation. Nobody should ever talk to me X, Y, Z way. Even that's an attachment, right? You shouldn't have any attachment or expectation of how anybody should treat you. Why? Why do you need to?

1:15:47Okay. What's a standard then? Like what would be a state? Like, so women would be like, why have standards? Yeah. Is that that expectation? Yeah. The ego always tries to frame this as, so you're just saying I should be a doormat for everybody. That's so true. The ego goes like to the opposite. Yeah. I'll notice that in conversations with like partners or something. It's like, oh, so you never want me to, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let everybody abuse you. Oh, so I can never talk to another woman in my whole life. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're like, no, I want you to stop getting women's numbers at the bar.

1:16:16I want you to literally stop cheating on me. No, honestly. So on this note, I think the best place to go is when we're in a relationship with somebody that is not based in giving and receiving, it will continue to feel more out of alignment the more we want to be in a truly loving relationship. And so when we talk about boundaries, that word, I get what it means. I don't personally love the word, but like you can use it loosely because in a real sense, truth is your boundary, right? The truth is what should be your boundary. And so when somebody violates what is true, which means what is loving, right?

1:16:54Then I should not have any interest in participating in that. So the thing is like, if somebody is disrespectful to me, why should I get upset about that? That's a pure reflection of them and where they're at. I think I say this in the book, but it's something like the way that other people treat me reveals their karma. The way I respond to how they treat me reveals my karma, right? So I shouldn't have any expectation that anyone should treat me a certain way because I want everybody to be where they're at. Hey, if that guy's having a bad day, he should have a bad day. Like who am I to say you should be nice to me when you're having a bad day?

1:17:32But do I want to be in an unloving relationship? No. So like I'm going to cut that person out of my life or whatever. Like there's going to be things you'll do just because it feels out of alignment. And so we're always loving. We're always kind. We never put anybody out of our heart. But I hope I can give somebody permission right now to know that you are under no obligation to have anybody in your life. You are not obligated to keep somebody in your life that's out of alignment unless you're trying to help them or something, right? Then that's a different reason. But if it's a romantic relationship or a friendship or a boss, like it doesn't matter if it's not a loving relationship, you shouldn't have an interest in being in it.

1:18:12Right. And so you'll naturally withdraw from such people. And so there's no one right way that looks. Um, if you're on a date with some guy and he says something rude, like you have every right to be like, Oh, check, please. You know? Um, but it definitely doesn't mean jokes and then he'll say more than we'll be in this thing where he's just saying more and more and more and I'm just making more and more jokes and then I'm like, what am I doing? Sounds like you've been on some dates before. Oh my God. The way that, you know, doubts, doubts protest too much. Like the way that men will just say, it's actually crazy.

1:18:44If you list, if you, if people listen to people talk, you'll hear every single thing you need to know. You're a conscious person that's logged on for a conversation. Everything that you need to know about that person will be said. Oh yeah. Their priorities, their standards, their life. Like, it's like crazy. I think people just don't listen. Well, see, silence is listening. Yeah. If you're waiting for the next thing to say on a date, then you're going to be missing all the important information that this person's ego is giving to you, right? Yes. I'm listening intently. There was this guy, he was like, he's like, you're like a 10.

1:19:19And he didn't mean like a 10 out of 10. He's like, you're like a 10. Like, you're really like, you're really like got a lot of energy and questions. I was like, I'm fully logged on for this conversation. Like I'm trying to not waste my life. No, honestly, he's like, I'm a seven. You should be a seven. I was like, that's your preference. I was like, that's not my preference. I'm preference to be a 10. You should be like me is the most ego thing ever. I know, honestly, it's so true. But then I said it back to him. I was like, you should be like me. Her egos were like, we should be like each other.

1:19:48I just want to underline double click the one part that was profound for me that we said a little bit more just because I think this is applicable for a lot of women. So I just want to slow it down to expand it on women in dating that go into dating situations with the node of, are you my husband? Are you my person? Is this the one? And how that is the ego in a lot of ways. And then how that leads to attachment because then will you say why that leads, sorry, why does that lead to suffering? Why does that belief lead to suffering? the attachment to is this my person or whatever because no form can satisfy you it's impossible no person can satisfy you it does not matter i just watched an interview with a billionaire the other day who was talking about this where they were like i'm significantly more unhappy now than when i was like a young 20 year old upstart poor living with my mom like i was happier then in my life than i am now tale as old as time exactly so don't fall for that it's the greatest ego illusion that something, some outcome can make me happy.

1:20:48I spend two whole chapters dealing with this in the book for this reason, because attachment is just like, it's the stickiest part of ego that just gets all of us because yeah, it's not wrong to want anything. You absolutely have the right to want anything. You should want a beautiful, fulfilling, romantic relationship. You should want it all, but want it for the essence, not the form, right? Don't imagine yourself with the dreamiest guy or girl who's going to make you look so good or whatever, that's vanity. It will always fail you. Dream of an amazing connection, right? Dream of sharing your soul, your life with somebody who's on the same frequency as you and all the beautiful experiences of life and God and love that you can have together.

1:21:30That's a divine desire. And I think it's the sixth chapter in the book. I have a little section on divine desires. It's like God is desire. All desire comes from God. But ego, being the great hijacker, grabs onto our divine desires and misdirects them to a form of some sort. And that's where we go wrong. So the desire is never wrong. There's always a pure, innocent essence behind everything because everyone's desire is to be happy. So as weird and like sort of megalomaniacal as this may sound, even a murderer has an innocent good desire at the very core of what they're doing. It's just wrapped over so much suffering and delusion and confusion, right?

1:22:14But ultimately, they just want to be happy. And they've gone down a path where the ego has continually distorted their thinking and up the ante until they're at the point of like killing somebody, right? But if you trace it all the way back, there's just a little child inside of everybody. It's like, I just want to be happy. And so we got to get really serious on, okay, then what really gives true happiness? And if we know what it is, then we should be very committed to watching our mind through the day. Because as you've said earlier, like ego is unbelievably crafty. It's exceptionally good at pretending to be you.

1:22:52And it knows how to put everything into your voice. It whispers thoughts to you as if they're your own. And so unless you have that inner litmus test of, is this based on giving and receiving or taking and keeping, then it's going to control you pretty easily. And so that for me has been like the guiding compass of my life. Is this giving and receiving or is this taking and keeping? And when I ask that question, I've never had more than a second to get the right answer. In A Course in Miracles, it says, an untrained mind can accomplish nothing. Yeah, such a good quote. That's such a good one. Yeah.

1:23:24It's so good. Such a bar. It's such a bar. it's just you know what's so interesting is actually i was thinking about danielle our friend danielle laporte desire map and how desire map actually kind of has this frame of sort of the frame before was like what are the goals that you have you know say it's to run a marathon you're actually not doing the goal to run the marathon you're doing the goal to feel empowered or feel right you know so it's like actually going to not the thing but the feeling yeah and how it's like our desires are the feeling and sort of that instead of the ego which is very very interesting.

1:23:55So it's kind of an interesting thing that I was connecting. I said tale as old as time earlier because I do want to hear in the book, I really loved this example. I love allegory. I love storytelling. Like I just love Disney movies and sort of all the layers in them. Can you talk to us about the Beauty and the Beast story? Yeah. I can't remember when this clicked for me, but I did a YouTube video like five years ago or something on Beauty and the Beast as the perfect archetype of what it really means to heal the shadow. And so there's so much juiciness in it that we could unpack. But the basic idea I give in the book is like the beast represents our shadow self.

1:24:33Even like the story, it's all so well written how he's in this castle. He's a great prince or whatever with all this power. He's all these aristocrats in his palace. And when the witch comes in that he makes fun of and mocks, and then she curses him, all the people in his palace turn into these inanimate objects, as well. And the prince turns into a hideous beast, right? So this represents our shadow side being traumatized and fragmented. And all of these, you know, the broom, the teapot, all the little characters represent different aspects of the psyche, right? So beauty represents like the soul, our true essence.

1:25:12And she happens into the castle one day looking for her father. And even just the interaction to me with beauty and the beast is so perfect with the shadow because Beast is like, he's like jumping through the shadows following her and she kind of hears somebody, but she can't see anything. He's always remaining concealed until he's ready to come out and show himself. And so when he finally comes out of the shadow, he's like snarling and like, look how hideous I am. Go away, right? And Beauty, she gives him a different reaction than he's used to. She doesn't cower in fear or run away, but she gets curious.

1:25:50And then he retreats back to the shadow because he's not used to that response, right? He wants everyone to be afraid of him and run away from him. Isn't that perfect, you know, for our shadow? So as the story goes, they start to have this loving relationship, right, that develops. And slowly but surely, beauty brings out all the light qualities of the beast as he gradually learns to love her and accept her love and feel safe with her love. Gaston comes along at the end of the story representing the ego and wanting to win and be the best. I mean, Gaston is like the perfect depiction of like the male ego.

1:26:29Everything ego wants to be is Gaston, right? And so the shadow and the ego have a fight. And I think that that's just brilliantly perfect as well because the ego does that, right? The ego fights our shadows. The ego is ultimately what puts things into the shadow because the ego decides what it will accept or reject. It says, I don't like this part of me. This part of me doesn't earn me love. So to the shadows with you, I reject you. So we build up more and more fragmentation over our life as these parts of our self get shattered off and buried into the shadow. So you have this great battle between Beast and Gaston.

1:27:07And at the end of the story, as we know, hopefully not a spoiler alert. Watch the movie. You're kidding me. He sacrifices his life for Belle, for the beauty, right? And the signature moment to me of healing the shadow is when Beauty runs to his side and she's crying and she kisses him on the forehead while he's dead, right? And that kiss brings him back to life because the original curse was only true love's kiss can bring you back to life again. So it's like only true love can heal the shadow. It's perfect. And the key point to me is that when beauty kisses the beast, she loves him as the beast, right?

1:27:52Not as his potential to be a prince. He once was a handsome prince and maybe could be again. So I'll love him to get him to turn into a prince, right? Good one. She loves him as the beast. If he had never changed and stayed the beast, Belle would have still loved him and lived her life with him, right? So like that's the takeaway message, I think, and that's why he gets transformed because it was true love of why she kissed him. And he floats into the air and all this light explodes out of his body, right? And he transforms back into the handsome prince, which represents the healing of the shadow.

1:28:25So the message is you can't love your pain kind of like you said earlier, right? With an expectation or an outcome in your mind of like, come here, shadow, and let me love you so I can get rid of you forever. You torment me. That's not real love. You have to say to your shadow, look, insecurity, I love you so much. If you're always this insecure, it wouldn't make any difference to me. Come here. Let's hang out. Be my best friend. I'll always be here for you. And then insecurity feels safe to reveal itself into the light and be healed. But if we're loving our shadows in order to heal them, loving in order to eliminate isn't love, and our shadow feels that.

1:29:06And they don't want to be loved like that. Nobody wants to be loved like that. We want to be loved truly and sincerely. Yeah. And parts work. So internal family systems, parts work is what I practice a lot with my clients. Yeah. Parts work is great. Yeah. It's like the self. It's not the self when there's an expectation to change. So I see that all the time in parts work. Well, we'll have something where it's like, oh, there's the part of me that's like self-sabotaging or the perfectionist or whatever. And it's like, we'll like get to her and it's like, okay, we're getting to know her. And it's like, okay, well, so how do I get her to stop like doing that?

1:29:35I'm like, oh, we got to go back to square one. We got to go back to self because then you're in a part that's wanting to change. So it's like you have all these parts that just kind of create this situation that kind of keeps you from the true acceptance. And Carl Rogers talks about the paradox of transformation. He's like the father of therapy as we know it today. He worked with Carl Jung a little bit, but he talks about the fact that in order to change something, we have to accept it fully first. Nothing will change without our full acceptance and truth. And I think that's also with relationships.

1:30:05That's with so much of it. The full acceptance of things as they are or the full acceptance of ourselves really gives us the space to really evolve and change. A hundred percent. And that's why this practice of these three beliefs and and meeting the emotion as the messenger, right, allows you to do just that because your emotions are a guidance system. They are a reflection, not a direction. And so when you treat emotions as they really are, when you allow them to fulfill their function and communicate this message from your soul, right, your soul, when you're sad, your soul is literally trying to tell you, I'm so tired of believing in lack.

1:30:44It's wearying. It's exhausting. I don't want to believe in lack anymore and your sadness is reflecting that. So when you say, thank you, sadness, for reminding me that I'm still holding on to this lack belief and you're bringing it close, you're validating it, you're giving it a purpose and a reason to exist, like what's more accepting than that? The gratitude and listening and then responding, that's true acceptance. I always have women, it's like channeling the divine mother, like their inner mother, that's like the most loving, nurturing aspect of themselves to kind of like witness and be with it because it can be nice to bring in like archetypal like examples and archetypal energy to kind of move with it because I think sometimes we don't really understand like when we're kind of creating frame of reference within our mind of how to work with these parts and these energies it can be helpful to bring something else online so that you can kind of relate to that until you create like your own internal system yeah things um what like A Course in Miracles is you know just everything to me and you're such an amazing teacher of it so what aspects of A Course in miracles did you see within the work around the ego?

1:31:48Like what are some of your favorite parts? Oh man, it helped me so deeply with understanding everything I teach about in the book. And I reference it a number of times in the book, but the course says that the ego is the belief in separation, right? And that's absolutely true. But what I found is I didn't really know what to do with that. Cause it's like, how do you unbelieve in separation? It's so pervasive. It's It's just like human thought itself is based on separation. So it's almost like I can't do anything with that definition is how I felt. And it wasn't until I started to understand largely through reading the course, and the course does talk a lot about lack, I started understanding, oh, separation plays out through the human experience as lack, attachment, and control.

1:32:35So lack, attachment, control is what separation does or what the ego does because it is the belief in separation. And then the course also famously says, the kingdom of heaven is the awareness of perfect oneness and the knowledge that there is nothing else. And that second part is really important too. And that is the experience I had on the balcony at Google, right? When I flipped into that state of consciousness all of a sudden. Was it like a Kundalini awakening, would you say? I didn't experience a Kundalini in that moment, but I'm sure it had something to do with it. But it was that awareness of perfect oneness and the knowledge that there is nothing else.

1:33:15So I experienced what the course describes firsthand. And coming out of that was so helpful for understanding these teachings because I thought to myself, I can still remember quite well what my quality of consciousness was like in that state. And so if I can recall that state of consciousness, I can sort of try to back engineer it and remember what was not there in those two weeks that is here now versus the opposite. I understood like, no, it was that something was not there. Not that there was something new there. It's like that. I know that that state is still in me. It's just so covered up by this convoluted ego because it didn't go away until the ego came back and covered it up.

1:34:02So I knew like I didn't lose that state, but it's as if I did. It's like I did because the ego came back to cover it over. So I kept asking what was not there that's here now? And it was the belief in lack, my attachments, my need to control. In those two weeks, there was total surrender to God, like flow state, living in a total flow state. I couldn't even have an expectation of what's the next moment going to be like and what should I do in the next moment? It was just like visceral presence and peace of mind. And that's the way I teach to requalify the belief in attachments in the second belief is that we have to get really square with this fact that what I want is not an outcome, period, end of story.

1:34:48I am not looking for an outcome in this life. Even just to say that to yourself right now could be a pretty sobering experience for somebody, right? Because we've hardly even questioned up until now that in our whole life that we're not here to get outcomes. All of human society says we are. But when you take a radical stand for your soul and say, no, my soul did not come here to get a specific outcome. My soul came here to experience itself, to evolve, to grow and expand. And so what I really want is happiness or peace of mind in this moment. And so if happiness is an expanded state of consciousness, I can't have an attachment and have happiness at the same time because attachment is a contracted state of consciousness, right?

1:35:36I literally have to localize my attention onto one thing and I want this outcome. And so I'm constricting all of my attention and awareness onto this outcome I want. And so it has to feel contracted. That's what a negative emotion is, is energetic contraction. So it should be an obvious oxymoron, right? That I can't have an attachment and be happy now. So do I really want to be happy in a future moment more than I want to be happy right now? And when you ask those kinds of questions, you get very clear answers like, no, no, I want happiness now. I don't want to always be chasing a future happiness.

1:36:08But what I say in the book is happiness in the future makes no sense at all. It doesn't exist, right? If I can't be happy right now, why should I think I'll be happy in a future moment? Yeah. How you do the work is the work. I feel like that's so much of our human experience especially in the West of like retirement, you know, like planning for retirement, planning to be happy in retirement, slaving your life away until you get to that point. What would you say is one simple daily practice that people can do to help themselves in the process of waking up to the ego and then working with the beliefs?

1:36:44Waking up to the ego and working with the beliefs. Again, I really think everything kind of hinges around the emotional guidance system. So if somebody reads the book or they only read chapter three, like, and they only took away what's in that chapter, I think it would just tremendously benefit their life because everything goes wrong for us when it comes to our emotions. And understanding them is so important. So I think the best practice from the book is just this idea of like, I should be always monitoring my inner guidance, my inner state of being. Because if we want to make it even simpler than three beliefs, we could say there's really just two functions your state of being has, contraction or expansion.

1:37:28And so all positive emotions are different forms of expansion. All negative are different forms of contraction. So I can really just check in with my state of being throughout the day. And whenever I notice that I'm in a contracted state of being, that's when I should do the practice from the book of go to that emotion, look at the underlying belief. It's trying to reflect to you and ask that important question. Okay, what is it that I think I'm lacking? What am I attached to? What am I trying to control? And again, good questions get good answers. I've never had any trouble personally getting those answers when I ask those questions.

1:38:03And I haven't heard from any of my students that say, you know, I asked that question, I never get an answer. It's like, no, you kind of always know what your attachments are, what you're trying to control. You just aren't looking at it. You're not asking the question. So I think asking those questions would be the pivotal practice to take away from the book. Okay, guys, this is a little secret, but I actually did Smile Set a few years ago to upgrade and uplevel my teeth. I was feeling like there was just a little bit of shift, a little bit of movement that I wanted to have. I never wanted to get braces.

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1:39:43So go to smileset.com slash almost 30 to get started. So your girl's at the farmer's market on Saturdays, every once in a while with my friends. I'm shopping at the local spots. When I was in Europe, I was shopping at these local markets. And one of the thing I was noticing is I was so exceptionally, eternally grateful that I could just buy with the tap of my phone from these local vendors in these local markets, I got this crystal necklace that I needed and I got to just do a little tap tap on Square and make it super easy for myself. So Square is the support for today's episode. It's the business platform that helps sellers become neighborhood favorites.

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1:40:52So you're ready for whatever's next. And right now, listeners can get up to$200 off Square hardware when you sign up for square.com slash go slash almost 30. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E.com slash go slash almost 30 to get started with Square and build a setup that works the way you do. Yeah, I agree. I think there was something just to that point to like double click on it. You were talking in the book about how, um, just like a sign of the cunning of the ego is the sort of attachment to like the details of things and the attachment to like the like just like in a situation as an example I had a client a while ago and it was a situation with a relationship and she was so obsessed with like he texted me at this time and then I replied at this time and it was always like this like yeah you know following tracking the conversation and all of these things but it was hiding what was the truth of like I feel scared or you know what I mean like I have fear or whatever the things are.

1:41:49And I think when we find ourselves just in sort of the control of the details and sort of like the mind with things, I think we're sort of off base there. 100%. The term for that in the book is outcome happiness, right? Love that. That you could also define the second belief as outcome happiness or the belief in outcome happiness. And so the requalification is no reason happiness, that that's what we should be striving for is true happiness actually arises for no reason at all. It's just when you're in touch with your inner self and you're without attachment in this moment, right? When you're truly at peace with the present moment, you feel a lightness come over you and you're more, you're funny, you're humorous, you're joyful, you're bubbly, like you're your best self because you're not looking to the next moment anymore.

1:42:37So we've got to start practicing that as well, which is part of the asking these questions, I think. Is my happiness dependent on an outcome right now? Am I waiting for an outcome to be happy? And if you're in the granular details of like, he texted at this time, you know for sure your ego is chasing a specific outcome. He should text me this many minutes apart from my text. You're already in the weeds, right? Let's back up. Let's get back to no recent happiness. I don't need him to do anything for me to be happy. Yeah. When you're in the weeds, you're not in the right place. You need a weed whacker.

1:43:07You need a weed whacker. Which is what this book is. Exactly. It's like, this is a weed backer for your brain. That's the whole thing. Well, I actually do give an analogy like that in the book of the corn maze of if I've always walked this one direction in a corn maze, cornfield, then I've got this well-worn path, super easy to walk through. I'm from Ohio. I'm in that maze. Yeah. You know all about corn. I'm like, I know about that maze. I'm like, this is an example I can get behind. I can relate to, yeah. There's no corn stalks to push through. Yeah. So it's easy, right? And so you kind of want to go that direction.

1:43:41But when that path always leads you to suffering, you start to say, I need a new path, right? Yeah. And you've got to just walk a different direction through the cornfield, which means you're going to meet some resistance. It's going to be hard. You're going to have to forge a new path. But every day as you keep walking that new path, the stocks get laid down and eventually you've got a new path. And the old one gets replaced by nature, right? That's how our brain works is like you've been always identifying with these thoughts. You've been giving them your attention. and your belief, you've been believing in lack, attachment, and control your entire life.

1:44:13And most of your thoughts and decisions are predicated on these three beliefs. Again, they are all pervasive in human consciousness and they cause all forms of suffering. So don't expect that you're going to requalify these beliefs overnight. This book isn't going to solve anybody's problems overnight. It just gives you the tools you need and the understandings I think you need to begin requalifying. And as somebody who's been using this practice for the better part of five years now, I can tell you, I look back and it's almost like falling asleep at night. When you think about what moment did I fall asleep last night?

1:44:48You can't really remember, right? You remember getting tired and laying there and then you wake up. And spiritual awakening is a lot like that. When you start to transcend these illusions of lack and attachment and control, their influence gradually leaves your life slowly but surely. So for me, it's never happened in some amazing fashion, but so slowly, day by day, I take as many opportunities a day to check in with my state of being and say, oh, there's some stress in my system right now. I must be trying to control something. What is it, God? And then boom, immediately I see, oh, I'm trying to control this situation.

1:45:26And so then I just take a moment and I surrender that to God and say, God, you know better than I. I have no idea what should happen here. I think I do, but I know I'm wrong. So God, you show me. You guide the way. I surrender this to you. That is requalifying, right? You're just looking at what's not true, acknowledging that it isn't true. The course calls this the positive use of denial, right? It should feel good to deny what's not true. And then you affirm what is true in its place. You're just giving yourself a wider perspective over and over. And so we have this phrase, missing the forest for the trees, right?

1:46:01Ego's in the trees all the time and it's trying to drag you into the trees. And so requalifying is zooming out to the forest perspective as often as you can and reminding the ego, nope, you're actually in a forest. You're actually in a forest. And eventually the ego, you drain it of energy, right? By doing this. And it's sort of forced to concede to the higher perspective. And so it's a gradual thing. It's not an overnight thing. Yeah, it's still working on it, but I'm doing my very best. Hey, you and me both, girl. I know. What's one thing, like one quote or one passage, maybe from the Bible Course in Miracles, or just something that you've read recently that just really stuck with you, that you were like, whoa, that's profound?

1:46:42Well, you know, I read a lot of philosophy. Who's your faves? Oh, gosh. Well, I'm a big fan of some of the Greek philosophers for sure. Plotinus, number one. Aristotle. I love Thomas Aquinas, even though he's more in the Catholic tradition. But I also read authors from Advaita traditions like Paul Brunton. And I like Christian science a lot. So there's a lot of really great authors that I read from. Who's a good Christian science author? So Mary Baker Eddy is really awesome. Lillian DeWaters is amazing. And Emma Curtis Hopkins, all three women. Oh, my gosh. Just absolute spiritual gangsters. Oh, I can't wait.

1:47:22Yeah. Pithy is my journey. Pithy? Pithy is my path. I want to be 60 and so pithy. I just want to be blowing people's heads off. I want them to leave pissed because I'm just like, nope. Don't make it an outcome. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'm not making it an outcome. Caroline missed. Okay, sorry. Continue. Yeah. I think this is a little more philosophical, I guess, but something that I was reading in a Paul Brunton book that he was sort of, he wasn't saying this, but it sparked the thought of sort of one of the functions of the ego. And I think you'll find this interesting is that the ego is also kind of, it serves as a sort of like cushion or barrier between our soul and the kind of like intense impact of karma in the universe and like the consequences of our actions.

1:48:17It's the phrase ignorance is bliss, kind of where that comes from. When I look back at my former self in my 20s, like I can't even imagine living that life now. And like by all intensive reasons, most people look at my life and say, oh, you're like a good old boy. You know, you're always doing the right thing and doing your best. Like I never had a partying phase or anything crazy like that. Never got hooked on drugs. But I just look at like all my misalignments, not yet anyway. I look at all my misalignments back then, my limiting beliefs back then, and the character mistakes, the integrity issues I had.

1:48:51And I'm like, man, if I just did any one of those today, like it would just drive me insane. I would not be able to live with myself. Because now, you know, as you ascend spiritually and you're more and more accessing the heart and fourth density consciousness, you're more loving, you're more connected, you're more sensitive. And so misalignments and integrity violations hurt more, right? They're more intense. You feel them more. The more you awaken, the more it hurts to be out of alignment. So there's kind of that contrast of like waking up and then growing up, right? The more we grow up, we learn by mistake, essentially, right?

1:49:29That our suffering teaches us, I don't want to make that mistake anymore. I don't want to do that anymore. And we see how all of our selfishness and pride gets us into so much trouble. And so we get really strict and disciplined with our life, our mind, and that's part of spiritual growth. And it's beautiful, right? But that part of spiritual growth has taught me a beautiful perspective of ego that, and I love the ego. Like I have a very positive perspective of ego, but an even more positive one is like, man I'm so grateful I had my ego back then to just shield me from my sheer ignorance you know like if I had if I had really felt and understood how freaking out of alignment and hypocritical I was living back then it would have driven me insane yeah because now even the tiniest deviation from my integrity just hurts and I'll spend days at a time trying to recuperate from that yeah and again it's a very good thing because it's what keeps me in alignment yeah but you just can't afford to slip up anymore the more you grow.

1:50:28And so I've started to see ego from that perspective of like, oh, God puts us all on this planet as human beings. And a human lifetime is like so complex and so nuanced and so challenging. And Ra very much says so in the law of one, that this is the hardest experience in the universe, basically. Third density, right? Oh, yeah. And so we need like a bodyguard, a shepherd, an autopilot or something to help us through that initial part of things. Because somebody who's full of themselves, like they're acting a fool, they're hurting people, and they barely even know it, right? And so their karma takes longer to catch up with them.

1:51:08And it's more of a slow awakening versus you and I now, we're so sensitive to truth that the moment we step out of alignment, it hurts and we have to do something about it. So I've had a lot of gratitude for my former self in that way of, man, I was doing the best I could. And thank God I had a big-ass ego back then because it would have hurt a lot worse if I had this level of consciousness back then and was still struggling with those addictions and habits. And oh, my gosh. I can't see you having any of that. Well, then you've got a projection, sweetheart. Yeah, I do. I just, I'm like, you were, my ego said that I was worse than you.

1:51:44My ego was like, I was way better than you were. Well, that is something I deal with is people assuming I don't struggle or have normal human problems. I can see that. And so I try to talk about them. Does that feel lonely? Oh, for sure. Yeah. I can imagine. It's like, guys, I'm a human just like you. I promise. Maybe I'm doing pretty well, all things considered, but I struggle with all the same stuff you do. Right now in my life, I'm going through something super difficult. I think I've had the most difficult challenges in my life in the last couple of years. So we're all going through it. Yeah.

1:52:16Yeah. Um, bless, bless, bless. I'm excited about the book. So three beliefs of the ego, a sufferer's guide to freedom. And then you also have your YouTube, anything else you need our amazing audience to know. Um, yeah, it's available now for pre-order. I don't know when this episode airs. So it might be, it's August 12th is when it publishes. So yeah, so it's already available. It's already available. You guys can get it right now. Yeah. And, um, 40 university.com is where all my kind of courses. And I package all these teachings. You have 10 ,000 people in 4D? Way more than that now. I think we're like 18 ,000.

1:52:50That's crazy. Yeah, it's awesome. That's amazing. I know. I'm so blessed. And they're all just people just like hungry for growth. I'm obsessed. It's an absolute dream. I love that. And is every month you, what do you do every month? So we have live calls every Sunday. We have a student tier membership, which is like 40 bucks a month. And then a graduate one, which we have like the really in-depth programs that are like three months long that systematically walk you through these things. So it all depends on how much support you're wanting or looking for, but we have something for everybody in 40U.

1:53:21We have something for everybody in 40U. Ding. Whatever level you're at. Okay, guys, thank you so much for joining. I love you so much. We have more episodes with Erin that you can listen to on Almost 30. If you just search Erin, two A's, R-O-N, Abkey, you can find those now and then you can make sure to get the book. Okay, I love you. Bye. Thank you so much, Aaron. Again, the book is called The Three Beliefs. It's a sufferer's guide to freedom. And you can find Aaron Abke on YouTube as Aaron Abke. It's A-A-R-O-N-A-B-K-E. And he's also Aaron Abke on Instagram. Thank you for listening. If you love this episode, share it with a friend.

1:53:57And if you're interested in a little dose of almost 30 every single day, we have our clip show, Morning Microdose. And it's just a five to 15 minute clip that's inspiring, will make you think funny, and it's a great way to start your day. All right, guys, we'll see you later. Love you so much. Bye-bye.