801. How I Found God: My Story of Faith

0:13Hello and welcome to Almost 30 podcast. My name is Krista Williams. I'm your host today, and I'm so excited that you're here. So if you're new to Almost 30, welcome. You don't need to be almost 30 to listen. You can be whatever age that you are, at whatever stage of life that you're in, whatever process that you're in. It was just the name that my best friend and co-host, Lindsay Simsek, and I decided to choose when we were almost 30 on our journey creating the show. So it was something that stuck. We didn't want to stop ourselves in the process and wait for the perfect name. And Almost 30 has become the brand and business that it is.

0:49We've been podcasting for a while now, podcasting around 10 years, which is insane and wild, and have built a really beautiful community of seekers, of people that are spiritually curious and open and have really gone on a process and journey with us. I mean, if I think about myself and all the changes that I've gone through in the past 10 years, it feels like an entire lifetime, and it really is almost a third of my lifetime. And it feels like the community of Almost 30 has gone through so many changes and transformations in the process as well. So we are together on this life journey and this life path.

1:24And through the show, we have amazing deep conversations with some of the most powerful change makers in the business, spiritual teachers, leaders, facilitators, guides. And then we also do solo episodes with Lindsay and I that are a little bit more light and fun. And then we also do solo episodes. So solo episodes are usually teachings. I'll talk about some processes that I'm in. I'll talk about something I'm learning. I'll talk about something I'm growing through. I'll talk about something I'm excited about and interested in, and hopefully it resonates with you on your path. One of my journeys in life is to be someone that teaches what I know through the embodiment of things that I've gone through.

2:01So a lot of those things are challenging and hard and have been transformative for me. And my hope is that they're helpful for you. Whatever I learn through and I grow through, I want to offer as a lesson in learning. We have 800 plus episodes you can listen to. So make sure you subscribe, rate and review if you want. find us on YouTube. We're now kind of popping our videos much more, which is really exciting. And I want to connect with you there. So if you clicked on this episode, I'm deeply excited to be in conversation with you about this. And it's so funny because I had an entire outline for an episode to do on a completely different topic before I sat down.

2:41And this conversation is really just coming through for me in my personal life. Everywhere I go, I'm having this conversation with someone. And so I thought it would be really relevant. I thought it would be pertinent. And I just felt really called to speak on this topic because it just kept coming in my field. And that is the conversation around God. Okay. We're going to be talking about God today. And let me just lay the foundation and groundwork of this. I'm going to be talking about my experience with God. I'm going to be talking about my belief in God. I'm going to be talking about my journey with God.

3:15I'm going to be talking about my process to reclaiming the word God. I'm going to be talking about all the fears I had about God. I'm going to be talking about how I see God today, how I feel like God is just really popping off now, and really just opening up a conversation for us all to get curious about what I perceive is this benevolent, loving being that we can invite into our lives, that we can have be a part of our process. And so my intention is to just really open up a conversation and share what I've been through and share what I've learned through in the process of becoming so deeply close to God and connected to God and essentially becoming God's PR person.

3:58One of my best friends, Jenna Zoe, actually sent me something the other day. She's like, you just are God's PR person. She's like, you bring through God in a way that's so light and nonjudgmental and easy and peaceful and loving. And there's no greater gift. If I can bring through the belief to people or the knowance to people that there is a benevolent being, there is a collaborator with them in life, that they are never alone, that they are deeply loved and taken care of, that everything is truly happening for their greatest good, that, you know, they're just so loved. Like, I just, that is my fantasy and that is my dream because I feel like for so long I had God sort of stripped from me in my life through, you know, religious programming and trauma and being able to reclaim God felt like just such a powerful, powerful thing.

4:56So to start with this, sort of my inspiration that I mentioned a little bit before, I was at our London tour stop for almost 30, and it was the best. It was me, Jenna, Zoe, Olivia of Organic Olivia, my girl. And we were just, we had the best time. Like those are my freaking people. I just, it was such a beautiful and deep conversation. And whenever I do events or speaking opportunities or whenever I can, I open things up with prayer. So I'm speaking at events and I'll do prayer before I get on stage with my friends, with whoever I'm speaking with, with myself. And that prayer is really intentional energy setting.

5:32It's really calling in the creator. It's really calling in my highest self. It's really the experience of deeply connecting to a divine collaborator with me in the experience of life. And I did the prayer with them. And then I did a prayer with the entire room to really set the space. And one of the women after the event came up to me and she's like, hey, I wanted to ask you something. Are you Christian? And I was like, you know, yeah. And no, you know, I just, first, you got to know this about me. And if you guys listen, you know this about me, I cannot, any labels, I just, I want to slip away from.

6:12I don't even want like the labels of astrology. Like, I don't even want, I don't know if it's, it is the Pisces in me or it's like the mercurial part of me, but I'm like, don't put me in a box, honey. I'm like, I, whatever. But then there's also a part of me that's like, whatever people perceive me as, sure. If you think I'm a podcast host, a coach, speaker, teacher, freak, big loser, stuck up, bitch, cool girl. I don't know. Like, I can't control what people perceive me as, but I just don't like to be labeled. So in that process of sort of being like, yeah, you know, there's a lot of aspects of Christianity that I really love.

6:45Like I deeply love Christ and I deeply love a lot of the teachings. And I do believe that the Bible is one of the most profound books in history. We can't deny the effects of, you know, the Bible on Western culture, on cultures all over the world. And a lot of the themes within the Bible are such powerful topics that still exist in spirituality today and our lives today, and we can't deny its impact. But there are aspects of Christianity that I get a little bit scared of. And I'm saying this all truthfully, just wanting to express how I feel about it, where I get a little bit scared of going a little bit too far down the path where it feels like you become—the aperture closes.

7:28And I really want to use whatever expression of of my faith and my spirituality as aperture opening. I want it to be something that opens me up to life and opens me up to more love and opens me up to more experiences and to more people than closes. And, you know, I think there's probably a lot of Christians listening that are like, that's not true. It doesn't close it. It doesn't make things smaller. It opens things up. And that's a very true experience for them. But I've found that, and I'm still working with this belief that it becomes something where you get more closed and you get more judgmental of things and people and, you know, in conversations.

8:08And it almost becomes a little bit more fear-based than love-based. And again, these are generalizations and I'm sure people have their own experiences. But what I've seen is that it becomes sort of the experience of defining and becoming closer and deeper in Christianity. And then really looking at the entire world as like either Christian or not, God or not, light or dark, good or bad, where it's like, this is bad. This is not of God. This is, you know, not of Christ or whatever. And it just becomes a little limiting, you know, just from what I've seen where I do believe in my practice and in my life that you can have both the experience of loving and becoming deeply close to Christ and God.

8:51And also, So, you know, seeing astrology as interesting and helpful for your experience or seeing the tools of spirituality of different modalities is also helpful. You know, seeing the direct access we have to God as our one-way conversation, but then also seeing other ways to get to God, even though I think God should be our number one, you know, kind of priority. But her question really gave me pondering because she's like, you know, I've kind of noticed your path. And I've noticed your journey of sort of sharing about things. And it's true. If you've listened to the podcast and you've watched me on Instagram or watched me sort of share my story, I think in the past couple years, I've just become so much more clear and simplified in my spiritual process.

9:37I used to be someone like earlier in the path of the podcast in my spiritual journey. I would say my spiritual journey started when I was like 26, 25. I was living in Chicago. I was working in the corporate world. I was unhappy in my relationship that I had been in. I was kind of feeling lost. I was feeling confused. I knew that there was more to life, but I didn't really know how to access that more to life feeling. And I knew that I was made for more. I knew that my soul came here to do something. And I knew that my soul had a greater experience and expression in the corporate world, but I didn't really know what that meant.

10:16And so that led me on the path of seeking. And I would say that I've been seeking my whole life. You know, it's just, I just, I, God, the path of seeking, dude. The Buddhists probably have it right, man. They're like, just, hey, stop seeking. Because let me tell you, the seeking path is beautiful and fun and interesting at times and sometimes exhausting. You know, now at this point, I feel really at peace with it. I'm not seeking much. But I just remember in that earlier days of seeking so much, but I seeked and found so many different layers when I could have just gone straight to God. But at that time earlier in my path, I thought the only way to get to God was through religion.

10:58I had been taught growing up Catholic that the path to God was through religion, that the path to God was through the church, that the path to God was through the Bible, the path to God was through these very specific rules and regulations and processes. And I didn't have my own access. I didn't have my own direct line. And I'll never forget to my ex, his mom was really connected and really tapped in. And she was such an amazing, loving woman. And I remember her talking about angels. And this was forever ago. And I was like, oh, angels, interesting. And I kind of knew about angels. I was like, okay, angels.

11:35Cool. Like, what are those? What is that? And she was like, oh, you can connect with your angels and your guides. And I was like, what? You know, I just was like, I was blown away at the fact that I myself could access these infinitely loving beings and that I myself could have a contact and communication and that I could be equal to, and that there wasn't power over and that they weren't more powerful than me and that I could just talk to them and they could talk to me and that they were there for me in my experience and that they were there to guide me and be with me in the process of my life.

12:07And it really opened up a huge portal for me of being just aware that there was deeply loving beings and forces and entities that were collaborating with me in life and working with me in this process of my human experience and my soul's awakening and my soul's journey. And it really changed me. You know, it really changed me to really have that understanding. So I became really interested in angels, really interested in my guides. I didn't really kind of go. I was always like good on ancestors. Like we've had ancestral healers on. We've talked a lot about ancestral healing. And I think there's a lot of value to it.

12:45I even did a session with someone this past week on some ancestral stuff. But, you know, I've always been like, grandma, I'm all good. What do you, grandpa, I'm all good. Like, this is a human part of me, but like, I'm like, in the hierarchy, am I going to talk to an angel or grandpa art? You know, I'm like, I, I, I, I'm probably going to choose an angel, to be honest. And I know that's just my past. So I've never sort of been in like, I'm talking to ISIS. I didn't want to talk to Ganesh. You know, I wasn't kind of talking to like a lot of different things. It was always just kind of angels, which felt true for me.

13:25And I was also kind of exploring when I was earlier in my path, you know, things like law of attraction, things like manifestation. And that was kind of my awakening and my opening was the secret. And that's really the experience for a lot of people in new age. And I'm saying new age kindly. I'm not saying it judgmentally. I think everyone kind of sees new age as judgmental, but it was like, you know, law of attraction, manifestation stuff. And it worked. You know, I manifested my ex. I manifested a large sum of money to leave and quit my job. I manifested a trip. I manifested, you know, just a lot of things.

14:01I was doing a lot of, I was a very good matrix player. I was a good matrix collaborator. I always talk about manifestation. I'm like, a lot of it's like matrix play. I'm like, matrix, this is what I want today. I'm like, this is what my ego wants to order from the matrix today. And, you know, Caroline Miss is one of my favorite teachers, and she talks about manifestation. And she's like, if you think your soul came here to shop, then you've got it all wrong. Your soul did not come to earth to shop. So if you think that your manifestation practice is to buy shoes, is to get shoes, is to get a car, is to get a house, then you've got it all wrong.

14:40And that's kind of what I was doing in my manifestation process. I was doing the law of attraction stuff and it was working. Like I said, I was starting to read other books and, you know, connect with psychics and healers and all of that. So I really started there. I kind of expanded my reach and my repertoire throughout the process with Abraham Hicks and some other types of readers and teachers, you know, that were along the path. And when we started Almost 30, it became something that was really a huge part of our process, You know, talking to so many different teachers and guides, witches, doctors, you know, Reiki healers, ancestral healers, you know, psychics, mediums, animal communicators, tarot readers, alien people, people that connected with aliens, people that talked to, you know, I mean, y 'all were here.

15:30Like we've, we've done it all. We've, we've done so much of the process and so much of that, none of that seems bad to me or is, um, off. I think a lot of it fits in the landscape of, of the way that I see spirituality and the way that I see my world. But I think there's like time and place. And I think what I've found to be the most important thing, and I think a point I wanted to make in this conversation was really that now that I have myself as the anchor and now that I have God as my foundation, it becomes easier and safer to kind of traverse the spiritual landscape rather than like being completely unanchored and completely disconnected and then sort of being swayed by something that may not be of the light or may not be good.

16:13We've even done ayahuasca ceremonies. I've done a lot of plant medicine. I've done a lot of, you know, those experiences. I mean, I'm here to learn and teach. I'm here to do a lot of different things. I'm not really afraid of much in that way. So I've tried a lot of it. And I think later in my life, you know, whether it was post-divorce or, you know, whatever it was, I think in the past couple years, I've just really spiritually matured, I would say. And I think I've come to a different place now where I now really see spirituality being simplified.

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19:00Start building your credit the easy way. Go to super.com credit right now to see how super plus can help you boost your credit score. That's super.com super.com credit. Credit building features are available to super plus members impact on your credit score may vary. Super.com cannot control factors outside their services that may impact your credit. Visit super.com for more details. And there's a lot of spiritual materialism, I would say. And there's a really beautiful book called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism that I've been reading. It's by Chungam Topanga. So that's completely wrong and off to say, but I'm going to spell it for you.

19:37So it's C-H-O-G-Y-A-M-T-R-U-N-G-P-A. So the book is called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. And it's really about addressing many of the common pitfalls of self-deception in seeking spirituality and the spiritual materialism that we can kind of see happening a lot of times. And it's the tendency to evolve us in everything and make spirituality as a process for continued self-improvement and continued ego development. So the ego or self is essentially empty and there's nothing to improve, but the ego tends to trick us into using spirituality to build itself. So I'll say that again. The ego will trick us into using spirituality to build itself.

20:22I see this happening all the time, and I've done so much of it, where it's like, okay, I'm going to learn this method. I'm going to learn this process. I'm going to learn and understand this thing. And it's about acquiring tons of information to almost become better than people, more powerful than people, more aware, but also develop a deeper sense of ego. So then you're like, oh, I am an Arcturian being who was alive in the 14th century and also was Cleopatra and also did all these things. And then you're like in this sense of feeling better than and feeling more aware than, more awakened than, more, more, more, more than.

20:58And in the book, Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, it's also been helpful because I think that partnered with just a realization that there was so much confusion for me spiritually when I was like, okay, so I need to connect. Who do I talk to? Do I talk to Isis? Do I talk to Mary Magdalene? I love them both. Do I talk to my spirit guides? Do I talk to my soul family? Do I talk to the Arcturians? Do I talk to the Pleiadians? Do I talk to, you know, there's just like so many parties. I'm like, what am I, who am I talking to? And thankfully, when I, you know, kind of came back to God, It was because we worked with a really powerful coach for a few years, both Lindsay and I, that really helped me believe and understand that the deepest access to liberation was just working directly with God.

21:46That God is my boss. God is the liberator. God is the truth. And God is really that only thing that we need. Because essentially when I was working with my angels or guides, who do they report to? And not to be hierarchical because we all are God. We're aspects of God. But it just created this simplicity for me now where my life is so much more simple and I don't need all of the rituals. I don't need all of the tools. I don't need to be doing a full moon ritual every month, a full, you know, a releasing ritual every month. I don't need to be, you know, praying to the Buddha. I don't need to be doing my cards every day.

22:21I don't need to be burying roses outside to honor the, you know, sacred full moon of the lion's gate portal of whatever's happening. Like it just became this entire ecosystem of doing all of these things all the time, blessing, releasing, manifesting, calling in, letting go, and I'm just like, hey man, God, what do you want for me? Like, what do you want for my life? It makes me emotional actually thinking about it because it's like my deepest soul's desire is to become the ultimate steward for God's love, for goodness in God, and to use my life and service to something that is bigger and greater than me and something of deep value, you know, like to the world, like how much more valuable could it be than cutting through the noise of all of the things that I'm doing to become more simplified and more clear in support of what God wants for me and what God wants for my life.

23:27And that's even changed the way that I pray. A Course in Miracles is the text that I, you know, one of my texts that I teach and work with and love in my life. And A Course in Miracles, when it talks about prayer, you know, it really talks about prayer as communion. Prayer isn't asking for things. It isn't because asking for things establishes lack. Prayer isn't a relating of grievances. Prayer is a communion and a connection and remembering that we are with and one with God. And so it's really that time to just connect to God. It's not saying, I want this, I want that. It's not seeing God as your celestial butler that's going to give you everything in life.

24:12And it's not you asking for your shopping list from God. It's really dedicating and giving your life up to God because God's plan for you is so much greater and bigger than you could ever imagine for yourself. If we could understand, and A Course in Miracles is so beautiful at this, the life that we have available for us through God's eyes and the unlimited nature of our potential and the freedom and liberation in living for something outside of our limited selves, I mean, the sky's the limit. And I think that's what I'm really working with right now in my journey, now coming back into clarity with God is how can I surrender more to the will of God, to the will of the creator, to the will of something that is more intelligent and bigger than me?

24:58How can I let go of the fear and belief that getting closer to God means I'm more alone? And I have another fear that getting closer to God means that God's going to choose a life for me that I don't want. And I actually had to do a lot of work on this with one of my teachers where I realized that subconsciously I had the belief that God wants a really simple life for me and that God wants me to live on a farm and that God wants me to live in the middle of nowhere and that God wants me to just milk cows and like have 18 children and that God wants me to be like sister wives. I just, I had this idea that God wants to limit me, that God wants to restrict me, that God wants less for me, that God wants small for me.

25:41And what I realized is that everything I want for myself, God wants for me. The reason why it's a desire on my heart is because God put it there. And this doesn't mean I'm going to get everything that I want. I'm not saying that. I'm not being like, yeah, I want a yacht and God put that on my heart. What I'm saying is that what I want for myself, God will make happen through me. And that's how I know it was for me. And so the more I can really expand also the aperture of myself and not see God as limiting my life, but expanding my life and expanding not only the peace in my life, but the joy in my life and the abundance in my life.

26:22God is the sustainer of life, the sustainer of life, the giver of life. So I can work with that collaboratively to sustain and give myself more life and more creatorship and more freedom. And what's been really beautiful, I was with a friend the other day when I was in London, and she's a baller. Y 'all know her and love her. And I'm not going to say her name because this is, you know, secret to her path. But we sat down and I go, my sister in Christ. And I say that to everybody. I call everyone my sister in Christ, my brother in Christ. I just, I just, I'm a silly goose. I just kind of say names all the time.

27:01And she's like, oh my God, I've been reading the Bible every single day. And this is someone you guys wouldn't expect, but I expected it. I was like, I know my girl's God-coded when she is. And she's like, I can't tell you the way that it's simplifying my life, purifying my life, making things more peaceful and more easy. She's like, every single thing that I've ever taught or learned about in psychology, in spirituality, in all of this, I can now see as teachings in the Bible coming from one source. And again, I'm not a Bible gal just yet. There's a lot in there I love. I'm not fully subscribed, but it was just really beautiful to see her and then so many of the women I know that I'm very close to that are very powerful leaders in the space come to the simplicity of what it's like to be in God's love and what it's like to be just connecting with God directly, that we can just simplify our lives and simplify our service and simplify what we want by going directly to God.

27:59And I don't believe that God is someone that wants less for us, that God is someone that's mad at us. I don't believe in original sin. That's something I think I, and you guys, you know, again, could, this could be not accurate as far as Christianity goes, but what I perceive with being Catholic and I think being Christian was the concept of original sin and believing that we have to work our whole lives to, you know, be good and to prove to God or do something because we were born sinners. I don't believe that at all. I don't believe God would make us because we are sinners. I don't believe that God would make us to work for becoming pure or work for becoming loved.