818. The Fastest Way to Heal, Reclaim Confidence & Transform Relationships with Elizabeth Endres

29:46I want to be chosen and wanted. And that's not the better way. I genuinely, after that breakup, got to such a place of building my own new home by myself. And, you know, just sort of having that like, wow, I can come home every night and do whatever the fuck I want. It felt so good. It's addictive. And I was so happy that that's when I then attracted the person. It wasn't in the beginning when I was like turbo dating and I was watching a show at night, but I couldn't help myself. I was on apps too. And I was like trying to stay so busy with it because I felt like I had to be so proactive. And of course there's a level of action that needs to be taken, but I think your intention behind it is what really matters.

30:25And I had unfortunately gotten into the place of my intention being very like panicked and fear filled and your reality will reflect that. How did you get the courage to leave that relationship after eight years? It's a tough one. You know, I think that you get certain pings, you go through different phases, whether that's therapy or fighting a lot or things feeling good and ups and downs. You have a certain voice in the back of your head that gets louder at times and you go to psychics and you go to acupuncture and you keep yourself really busy and you hope that you'll get a tidbit from someone that will push you in the right or the wrong direction.

31:05And I feel like I was for so long like seeking such external validation of whether to leave or stay. And eventually it just got to the point where I kind of reached that I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. And I think he reached that too. And I feel very lucky that we were on the same page with that. I think he's a wonderful person. And there was nothing wrong with our relationship. That's the really tricky part. And I think, you know, I've been in the bad relationship where he's cheated and things have really gone south and I've like left and it's been like just a shit storm. This was harder.

31:43And people ask me like, what were the red flags? And I'm like, there don't have to be red flags. There is just a feeling within your gut that will strengthened with time. You will get little signals from your body. You might not feel good. Your mental health might not be good. It's that sort of tapping into your intuition and your body. And then also just trusting. Like I know that my mind and my body would never misguide me in this way to make that big of a decision to leave such an amazing person and a very comfortable situation and eight years of best friendship on and off if it weren't supposed to be a part of my path.

32:20So I don't have like a specific direct answer for that. And that's tough because I know that when people are in it, they're looking for something like tangible to hold on to, but it really is just coming back to yourself and trusting yourself and knowing that your gut will never steer you the wrong way.

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35:41Again, my favorite is the chocolate bone broth protein. I will make sure to put this with hot water. Sometimes I'll add like a little dash of milk, even though you don't really need it. They have like a really clean coconut powder in there that gives it that creaminess, but it is so delicious. I'm telling everyone about it. Again, that's paleovalley.com slash almost 30. The code is A30, A30 at checkout for 15 % off your purchase. How did you take care of yourself in the wake of that? So knowing that it was the right decision, but there is still kind of like attending to self that needs to happen just after you have this like life that looks like this and this identity that looks like this and is in relationship with this person in such a embedded way?

36:28How do you take care of yourself after that? I think it was leaning into friendship a lot. I think a lot of times when we're in relationship, especially the wrong relationship, we can kind of pull back from our friends. So it was this nice kind of being able to dive back in and really lean into those friendships and allow those people to take care of me. That's something I really struggle with is feeling like this like weak victim that needs to be picked up off the floor. That was hard because that's a big release of control and trusting of other people to really take care of you. So I think that was a part of it.

37:02The other piece is, and this is probably kind of an unexpected answer, I started taking an SSRI and that helped me immensely as someone who has felt kind of like low grade anxiety and depression for a lot of my life. It took a lot of the weight off. I'm still on it in a very low dose. I had upped it at that time and it really served me. I know it's not for everyone and I'm someone who lives a very holistic life and doesn't even take Advil. So it's kind of like off brand for me. But I think that it's important that I mentioned that because it really helped me through that time. And then moving into going to date, like what was your experience in dating like post that relationship?

37:43How did you experience it? You know, it was a mixed bag because there's the beginning where you're like, I'm free and I get to do whatever I want. I'm going to dress up and it's going to be sexy. So you go through sort of waves or at least I did. And there was the fun part. There was the frustrated part when I was like, no one's really like feeling amazing. There was the funny parts where like I would, you know, do the anti-ghost text and get like a really sassy response back from the guy. What's an anti-goats text? Oh, so it's like Lindsay Metzler from We Met at Acme always says to send an anti-goats text, which is like, if you're not into a guy or a girl and rather than just like letting it slow fade or not responding to them, you send them like a nice message that's like, hey, I'm really getting more of a friend vibe or whatever it is.

38:29So I really tried to practice that and just be in integrity with myself. I was like, I'm going to heal the world through these. I was like, I want you to find your 100 % 10 out of 10 soul match. And I don't think that's me. Doing the Lord's work. I was. I am a 10 out of 10. Yeah. I was like, I'm a 10 out of 10 for someone else. I have a beautiful soul. Yeah. I'm actually 11 out of 10. You're a 10 out of 10. This soul is not a match for you. So yeah, it was a mixed bag. Like, can I say it was a 100 % positive experience? No. Can I say that there were certain times where I was bent out of shape over men that were like kind of love bombing or whatever.

39:03Like I kind of experienced it all. That said, I wasn't single for that long. I met my now fiance within like six months of that breakup. So I kind of like went through all the phases of it, got a little burnt out, was like, I'm just going to kind of take some time off. And then that's when I feel like I really called him in. And how did he come in? So he came in, in a couple of different directions, which is funny. He's someone that I have known for a long time, like known of him. We hadn't really interacted. Like I went to his Hamptons house maybe five years ago with my ex at the time and like met him briefly at his home.

39:39So he was like on my radar, but not prominently. And then we have a mutual friend who was trying to set us up, a very close friend of both of ours. And she had again, kind of put him on my radar. And then I happened to, at the time I was like reviewing workouts and I went into this random Pilates class that my assistant had set up for me. And he was sort of on my radar because we had this friend that was trying to put us in the same place. And he was on the reformer next to me. And we both just looked at each other and we're like, what the fuck? And honestly, from there, that was it. Like we both said, I texted Dale, my business partner after class and was like, my husband was in Pilates.

40:17And I don't talk like that. I am, I was in an eight year relationship that didn't end in marriage. Right. So I'm not like someone who is calling people, my husband, who I don't think are. In fact, the idea of marrying someone up until now, like really gave me a lot of anxiety. Um, so there was just this instantaneous pull and certainty. And I know that that's not the case for everyone. Like sometimes relationships take time. And so I don't mean to say that everything should feel like this, but, um, yeah, I think it was the result of a trust fall doing a lot of inner work. You know, I also went to Hoffman process and I did a lot, did a mushroom journey.

40:56Like I was busy. But I also just sort of adopted a more relaxed approach to dating after sort of like going kind of hard in the paint and wearing myself out and being like, I need to pull back and just enjoy that this is probably my last apartment by myself and enjoy that I love alone time as an introvert and I get to have it all the time here. Mm-hmm. After the first text though, like some people could get like scared or anxious. Like what happened after you guys, like you guys had that reformer moment? So it was interesting because we connected and then that summer I, you know, because I was like in my single girl era going into the summer had booked like basically a month long trip to Ibiza with girlfriends.

41:36So I was back and forth between Europe for like most of the summer. And it was actually kind of nice as hard as it was to be away from him because we were just starting to see each other. Like we hadn't even kissed yet. It was like just getting to know each other, getting coffees, like very, we sort of built this like platonic friendship initially that was like never actually going to be platonic because we were moving slowly. Like he knew my ex and it was just, we just felt like it needed to kind of have this base of friendship first. And then with me traveling, it created this deep sense of getting to know each other because we were FaceTiming for like three hours a day.

42:15So we spent like two months doing that. And then I came back from a visa. He picked me up at the airport, which I think is like the biggest gesture of love. Nobody does that in New York ever. And that was pretty much it. Wow. We were just like, I came out to the Hamptons to his house that he was renting that summer. And that was it. We laid really low at first because we didn't want any noise. We didn't want any opinions. We didn't need anybody else's opinion on it. And that was really nice. That was like the best month because we were just kind of in our little honeymoon bubble and just enjoying each other and not having to deal with including anybody else in it.

42:55That part of the process I'm curious about, because I think, I guess what the intention around that was what, because people I think are very prone to like share with friends or what do you think of this, you know, which can really, you know cloud your own judgment but totally what was your intention just to be clear I told all my close friends like he was like let's not tell anyone and I was like yeah yeah yeah anyway I told the girls on the chat I was so excited I was like I can't keep this in and this is what I've been waiting for and so I told them all we just I just feel like because I kind of like moved on quickly from my relationship and he had been in one as well that ended like a couple months prior and we just, our exes know each other.

43:41It's complicated and we didn't need any outside noise. It wasn't actually that we were worried about anybody affecting our opinions of each other at all. Like that was off the table. It was that we were, we didn't want any narratives to taint what we had, which we knew was going to be a long-term thing and that we knew was very pure. Yeah. And also with social media and me sharing so much of my life online, that was a big piece of it. Having gone from being in a relationship for so long that people kind of like came to know and then that ending and everyone having a bunch of questions about it.

44:15And then with dating, like trying to navigate that. I mean, I'm sure you guys can relate to all of this given that you've done this for so long and you want to share, but you also want to protect. And I was like, this is something that needs to be protected. Like this is very sacred. And so I really didn't share him much on social media or anything until like kind of before we got engaged. because I was just like, this is for me. And that felt really good. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you had that viral reel that was like, move on. Like you're someone's dream girl. Yeah. It's funny because with the proposal, I was like, do I put out this video?

44:50It's so intimate. It's such an intimate moment of us. And we're like, yeah, whatever, put it out. And then it hit like, I don't know, 10 million views. And we were like, oh, that was not the intention. Um, but I think the reason that it went viral is because a lot of people can relate to feeling like they're not someone's dream girl and people really want hope that they are. And so being able to see like, especially the timeline of it, like literally one day, so March 13th, 2024, I was moving into my apartment by myself after going through my breakup. And I have like a video of me talking with a timestamp on it, which is so weird for me to have done.

45:30Like I don't usually do that. and March 14th, 2025, we got engaged. So it just shows people how much can happen in a year. And I think that that's really important for people to see both from a hope perspective and also from a subconscious expansion manifestation perspective, all of which I believe very strongly. Totally. I often, any, any one of my girlfriends who are single or still dating, there is because a lot of them are say my age or around that age and they do feel that like kind of pressure around like oh gosh I hope I find my person soon and I hope that for them too and also when I believe like time kind of like it stops but also speeds up in a way when you find your person because it's no longer one you've gotten to know yourself on such a deep level after years of work and intentional, um, yeah, just self-reflection.

46:32And also it's like, you're not, there's no, um, I guess like kind of debris in the way. So this person coming in and you coming into this relationship, it's clear, right? Like if it's the right person, there's so much clarity from both sides. So you don't have to like kind of work through the mud as much as you would say if you were a little younger or if you're just kind of casually dating people, not intentionally. So I just feel like when it's right, the things that you desire in your life, it won't matter that it took seven years for this to happen, if that makes sense. A hundred percent. So to your point about so much happening in a year.

47:09Yeah. I think it like speeds up time in a weird way for sure. And I think that also a piece of that is both of us coming in and like being ready. Yes, exactly. one. Like it's like the Kabbalah theory. You know, I think we were both just like, this is not like a messing around kind of thing. It's guided by your intentions. And yeah, time has flown. It's actually crazy. What do you want women to know about like dating and relationships now that you've like found the one? Like what do you wish that they knew? I wish that they knew that there is a certain level of clarity you get when it's the right person and a certain level of calmness in your nervous system that I don't think can be replaced by any like false sense.

47:55And I also want them to know that walking away is completely okay if it's not right and that you really can't miss out on what's for you. I say that a lot, but it's so true. I think that we all have our own path. And of course, there's timelines and there's options, like we all have free will, but there is a set path for you. And as long as you are being your most authentic self, living in integrity and, you know, really going about your way in a life, your life in a way that matches that, I don't think that there's a way to miss out. What feels different about this relationship? So many things.

48:30I think, first of all, that sensation in the beginning of this is my person. I've never had that before. I think that there is a different level of safety and comfort that I have when I'm around him. You speak a lot about like feeling it in your body. And I really feel that it's like a big sigh and I'm really big on nervous system regulation. It's completely changed my life. And I feel like he's been a big piece of that sort of like regulating things. And, you know, he's never made me second guess or worry about his intentions with me. And I think that's so important. There's never been games.

49:06And as someone who historically was really big on, you know, adrenaline and butterflies and fight or flight that I didn't know was a negative thing. I thought that was like what you were supposed to feel. This is the opposite of that, but with all of the like love and romance and goodness that I was mistaking for the wrong thing, if that makes sense. Yes, definitely. Yeah, it's so beautiful and just special to see. And it'll be beautiful to see how you guys do family and stuff beyond. I know a lot of the way that I found you was, I think, through Jenna. But then also just looking at your content, it was like through a lot of your body journey and the way that you've sort of worked through chronic illness and being someone that's type A and all of that.

49:53It's so profound because it is so correlated. So how do you correlate the relationship between your body and sort of your emotional experience or your anxiety and then your chronic illness? Okay. This is my favorite topic. So I'm just going to start by saying that I was someone who was the sensitive one in the family. I'm sure you guys can relate to that. Very type A, very hard on myself. Definitely really hard on my body at times. And I always found myself battling these chronic things. It was always like, oh, Elizabeth's stomach or, you know, it was my skin or I started getting like diverticulitis in my 20s, which is like really rare as a young woman to be getting.

50:35I was hospitalized all the time. And it wasn't until COVID hit. I was alone in my apartment in New York terrified because I also was like, you know, had tons of health anxiety. I also have a heart condition and a pacemaker. So there's just like a lot of layers to my health story that have kind of put me in a place of being on edge. alone in New York, couldn't get home to my family. And I started having pelvic pain and it was horrible. Like it literally felt like I had a UTI every day. I would wake up every day with that pain. I would get tested for all the things, nothing ever came back and I was losing my mind.

51:13So it was a combo of physical pain, fear, my underlying personality that was very like controlling and not relaxed. And I basically started trying everything. My health really started to decline. I started having memory loss. I was gaining weight. My hair was falling out. And I was like, what is going on with my body? I felt like it had completely abandoned me. And so I started, you know, it wasn't new to me to be running around from doctor to doctor and trying a million supplements and thinking, oh, I finally found the method that will work for me. So that kind of, you know, long story long is that sort of became what kept me really busy.

51:52And I was obsessed because I felt like I had a UTI every day. And fast forward about a year, I discovered this woman named Nicole Sachs, who you guys should totally have on. And she started this thing called the cure for chronic pain, which is a program. And she's also written two books. And it was one of those things we talk about intuition and just feeling like a ping. And I was like, that's for me. And it was different from all the different doctors. And, you know, I had flown to other states and people had told me I needed a year of antibiotics and I had Lyme and mold and parasites and crazy shit.

52:24Because when you go looking, you will find things. And I don't fault myself for that at all. It was purely out of survival and self-advocacy, but it was misdirected, unfortunately, for a long time and a lot of money spent and time and stress and sadness. And so I discover Nicole, I dive deeply into her work immediately. And essentially her method is this. It says that people of this personality type are particularly susceptible to this thing called TMS, tension myoneural syndrome. It is basically where your body would rather feel physical pain and chronic conditions than the emotions that are underlying.

53:03Wow. I've never heard of this. Wow. Have you heard of this? No. It's super powerful. So you think of yourself, your friends, the people in your life that are like, oh, I have migraines. I have vertigo. I have Lyme disease. I have all of it. Acne, IBS, anything that is like a chronic, uncurable thing pretty much falls under TMS. And it really speaks to how powerful your mind and your body are that I could literally feel like a UTI when I have nothing wrong with my bladder. I know. And so I was like, this sounds insane. But also she's had thousands of people, including herself. By the way, back pain is a big one.

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56:54It's running through all the people in my life. I just think it's crazy what we'll do to avoid feeling. Goodness gracious. That's exactly it. Goodness gracious. So if you think about it like you have this cup or a steam valve, you have the things in it. You know, like a lot of people have Lyme disease and mold exposure and like we're exposed to toxins every day. There's all of that. And then there's the emotional piece. And I believe, and Nicole believes that that emotional piece is the most important because when that starts to overflow, you start to get symptoms of all the other things that would have otherwise been there, the disc, whatever it may be.

57:33And so your body starts firing symptoms. And Nicole always talks about like the analogy of there being a fire and the fire department comes to put the fire out. And instead of pointing the hose at the fire, they're pointing the hose at the fire alarm. And that's what we're doing when we're putting all these band-aids on all of our alarm bells. So my bladder was just an alarm bell. My diverticulitis, my, all of that stuff, my skin rashes, all of it was my body being like, hello, listen to me. Like there's shit going on in here and I need you to tend to it. And so essentially what Nicole prescribes is a 20 minute daily journal dump.

58:12And it's not just like, here's what happened today, morning pages. It is an unleashing. You're saying things that you would never want anyone to read. You're pulling stuff up from like the dredges and then you rip it up afterwards. My pain is a hundred percent gone. I don't deal with chronic anything. I will have little things come up from time to time because there's no cure for the human condition, a Nicole quote. But I now know exactly what's going on. If I start to get like a little rashy or something, I'm like, okay, nervous system, got it. Like got to like put pen to paper. I mean, I do that.

58:48I'm on day 200 of not missing a single day of journaling, journaling 20 minutes at night every day. It is my medicine. I feel like I've unlocked a superpower through this because I see so many people suffering from TMS and like it becoming their identity. And I don't blame them because I was there and you can't help it and you don't know any better. And no doctor is going to point you towards a journal. Yeah. Just the reality. Wow. Yeah. It's so interesting nowadays you to be a part of the consciousness that does associate body things with emotions, you know if you have stomach stuff it's like avoidance of your power you know like jaw clenching holding back what you're saying you know there's just so many it's like louise hay just now is like literally in our reality when you were in pain and that was a part of your identity like or your process to feeling what was that experience like to start feeling you know was it painful was it as hard as you thought like was easier than you thought it was challenging of course.

59:54I would say like those first journaling exercises, I was going through Nicole's program. So it was a little bit more structured and like essentially she had you go back and think of like prominent things that stood out from your childhood, your upbringing, whatever. And it doesn't have to be big T trauma. It can be just like little things like in third grade, a teacher saying that I lost my book report when I know I turned it in and it still affects me. Yeah. Those things. And then you go through and you do like the journal speak about each one. that was more way more emotional than I would have expected.

1:00:23But I kind of started to reframe those emotions coming up as this release of the steam valve. It was no longer like Elizabeth's a crybaby and she's sensitive and we all have to tiptoe around her because she's so difficult. And instead it was like, my God, I've been pushing all of that down my entire life and it's literally making me sick. So to me, the emotions and like the darkness that was coming out was such a welcome change. And it's been something that I've had to learn, you know, it's, but I come back to that pen and paper every night and I write, what does it feel like to be me today? And I let it rip.

1:00:55And some days there's nothing. And a lot of people are like, don't you feel like you're bringing up negativity when maybe you've had a perfectly good day? I would rather bring up some negativity on that paper than experience pelvic pain for five years. Like I had it for five years. And you could be like, Hey, I had a great day. Totally. I love life. Things are good. it doesn't need to be like excavation it could just be gratitude it could just be like awareness too absolutely and especially now that i'm sort of on the other side of the pain i've gotten a little bit more exploratory with what that looks like which has been a pleasure because it feels less constrained and restrictive and prescriptive yes and more like just self-expression and releasing in a different way i'm doing hoffman in december oh congrats i've done something like it it called Onsite.

1:01:41I've heard of that. So it was like sort of like it. What did you get from it? Can you talk a little bit about it? Yeah. So it's funny because I didn't really know what Hoffman was about when I went into it, which I'm very glad. And I won't give too many details away for the sake of the listener that might want to go. I was coming out of my relationship and I was like, I want to go do the work. And I don't know what that looks like, but I'm going to work through this relationship stuff. Little did I know it's entirely about your parents. And like, but obviously that impacts every area of your life, especially your relationships.

1:02:12I would say that the biggest thing I got out of it was just forgiveness, love, and understanding for the people in my life and not defaulting into resentment and vindictiveness. They do a big thing about vindictiveness and how it really only harms you. It's like such a wasted emotion. What is vindictiveness? Like how do they describe, I'm like trying to think about the experience of being vindictive. I think it's kind of like, is that wishing badly on someone? Oh, that yes, totally makes sense. Like you're like, my mom did this. Like you kind of like, hold that. Yeah. It's like a grudge. I think it's similar to resentment, but a little bit more like action.

1:02:53Yeah. Action oriented. I was thinking about that. I was like, vindictive's like got something to say. Yeah. So just kind of, I mean, you really go back and you go into all the things and you're, you're beating pillows. You're having funerals for people. Like it is such an intensive thing. And I really think that I did it like a year and a half ago. I think you're still integrating even after like two years because it's such an intensive. So I think it's, it's shaped the way I look at my parents in a very different way and having way more love and understanding of them as just humans doing this for the first time too.

1:03:28Yeah. And also just to like the release perspective, like there is so much that you released during that week. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, all of it. Have you had to have like, because of all the growth that you've done over the years and also going from someone who was in chronic pain to no longer, which can sometimes become like an identity in your close relationships, have you had to have like a conversation around like who you are now? Has there been tension there? What does that look like? I think the tension has been less so with the people in my life who are now benefiting from me not talking about it all the time to more of like a self tension that I didn't expect where I'm not going to lie to you.

1:04:17There have been a few moments where I've been like, what do I do now? Like I almost missed having the task of solving something. And that's really interesting because it's the whole design of TMS, right? Like it keeps you really busy running from appointment to appointment, obsessing over conditions, trying new supplements, spending money, being busy, and it keeps you super distracted from what's going on internally. So it's been a lesson in silence and it's been a lesson in what do I, what is this actually really about, right? Like I now no longer have this thing I have to solve and like why is there now an emptiness inside of me?

1:04:57um so i feel like working on the chronic pain stuff doing hoffman going through a breakup all the same time was sort of this like explosive internal situation um that i've had to like learn how to like sit with the newfound silence and and appreciate it and just be yeah yeah that's so real i think i was talking about that with a friend yesterday how in healing and in life, it's like there's teachers that teach you how to heal from trauma. And then there's teachers that teach you how to do certain things. But I was like, there actually is like teaching required of what it means to be okay with living well and having peace of mind, because then you have more creative access.

1:05:45You have this like newfound look on life. And there's this desire to kind of find things to be wrong or find things to focus on. Like the mind always wants to keep doing. The ego always wants to keep doing. And so it is like an effort actually at the beginning to be like, okay, I'm well and I am happy and this is good. Like this is the new baseline. You have to metabolize and even nervous system regulate into the new baseline of like this is my baseline. This is like where I'm at. Like this is the new reality. And that's just like a part of, you know, becoming more of who you want to be and living the life of more of who you want because you do get tempted to go back.

1:06:20Yes. Yes. And I think like the best side effect of all of this work has been that in these moments where there's like a little bit more silence going on internally. And I can think of a specific time I was doing a Soto method workout class. And instead of like picking my body apart and thinking about what I needed to do for the day and obsessing over my pelvic pain, I started getting like downloads. And that has now happened. I'm simultaneously started meditating every day at the same time that I committed to journal speak every day. So I'm at about day 200 for both of those things. And the combination of the two has been wildly powerful.

1:06:55I can't suggest that more, but I now get like little hits of things during classes that like I then turn into a reel that goes viral. So it's, I'm not a creative by nature, but it has kind of accumulated this creative energy inside of me where like I'm getting ideas and just useful things are coming to my mind rather than all the noise that used to be there before. So that's been really fun and unexpected. You are a creative. Thank you. I think I'm picking up on the wellness girlies listening and I feel like we should ask you just in all of your explorations and experimentations. Where are you now with your current wellness routine?

1:07:42So the timing of this question is really interesting because I started my career doing Sweats in the City, which is like a fitness wellness review platform. And just yesterday, I actually departed from the business. Amazing. After 10 years. That's amazing. Wow. But part of that, and I can get into more of that decision, but it was really so that I could pour myself into this podcast and feeling like the content that I was doing on Sweats no longer felt as aligned to me, which was going and trying all these different workouts, right? That was really my passion at the time when it started. And my passion has now swung into the podcast and that feels really good.

1:08:21The reason I bring this up is because for me, it's actually less about variety now. Like I have the handful, the small handful of workouts that feel really good on my body. I go to Studio Boa. I go to Steph Burdensini. I love Fuse House, Soto Method, and I keep it really simple. I do my red light therapy in the morning when I'm meditating for 15 minutes, do my journal speak at night and I don't make it such a part of my day and identity. Like I know my podcast is called the wellness process, which I'm now kind of like rethinking, like, is that, is that what I want to be obsessed with? I don't know.

1:08:58Maybe that's like a 2.0. It's, it's about finding the small handful of habits that feel really good for you that are non-negotiables and sticking to those and adding things in because you enjoy trying things out or whatever, but not doing it because you see that someone is talking about going keto on their podcast and how it's changed their mental health, like tapping in, seeing what feels good, and then sticking to only a few things because otherwise we get so overwhelmed that we get the fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. I think we've all, we were all part of that like huge wellness, consumerism, wellness, doing all the things, trying all the things.

1:09:33I was living in New York city when class pass first came on the scene. It was$99 a month unlimited. Yeah. Let me tell you, that was crazy. $99 unlimited is insane. I was, I mean, I was getting my money's worth. I was doing like two a day. It was like, I'm going to take the subway here to here to here. Like I would be out of my house from 5am to like 8pm. Like it was just like the way that you were doing them. But we were all just trying these new things, like, you know, trying all the new wellness stuff. And I do feel like it is such a practice of simple. What have been some things that you've tried that you were like, that's not for me?

1:10:07okay um a handful of things i tried transcendental meditation okay got it have you guys done that too quiet for me couldn't do it i i really went in you know i did the whole course i like went to grand central and took the thing and um i learned tm here too that's so funny i tried it i've tried really hard to be a tm girl and like the noise was just too loud so i realized that it it wasn't fully for me um what else have i tried you know i really don't like mega former workouts. Oh, wow. Really don't like that's tea. It feels very crunched up. Oh, I know, dude. I have a turtle back. I'm like, I think it's so jacked to watch my back and my shoulders with that.

1:10:52I just personally prefer workouts that go with the grain of my body rather than against it. And I feel like mega former goes against it. Now it gets results. People get shredded in there. And And also if it feels good, it feels good. Yeah. It's all personal preference. I like more of like a long lengthening, stretchy Pilates class that's still challenging, but like goes with my body. Yeah. Honestly, like my, my wellness routines have been so simplified that it's like everything else kind of left. We were just talking about this too. Red light is stuck for us. Yeah. Stuck. Red light is stuck. It's, I do it every day.

1:11:31It's something that like of everything, I would say magnesium, red light. like collagen, electrolytes. We said that for workouts. It's I just lift now. That's all I do, which I love. But yeah, I think the collagen, I've been doing that for a very long time. Hair, skin and nails really work. And I just stick it in my matcha in the morning. So it's like very much a non-event. It can't be effortful again. Like it has to just fall into your daily routine.

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1:15:16Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. That's so interesting because it was like wellness was an event. Oh, an event. Before. So you could show it. Yeah. It was a proactive event. Yeah. It was like, oh, this is me doing the matcha. And then this is me with this tincture. And this is me with this juice and this beverage. And this is me. Yeah. It was like such a brand identity moment that we were all having of this like obsession with being well. And I think for me, I was like, a lot of the wellness desire was like just desire to be more attractive or be thin. Same. It was such a, that was kind of what got me into wellness where I was like, yeah, but like thinness is that promised here?

1:15:56Is this the promised land of thin? I'm like, let me, I'm like, sure, sure, sure. I'll do wellness stuff. It's like, is it going to make me skinny? Which is really interesting. You raised that. I saw a reel about this recently. I can't remember what the exact messaging was, but it was like talking about how the intention behind what you're doing matters so much to be able to be consistent. And when you're consistent, when your intention with working out every day or eating clean is like skinny, skinny, skinny, it is so hard to maintain that habit. But when your intention is like self-love, literally just because you love yourself and you respect yourself and your body enough to show up for it every day, there is so few things that could keep me from doing that.

1:16:37And it's so hard to teach that. I think if I had heard that 10 years ago, I would have been like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I want to be skinny. I agree. You have to come to that realization on your own, but that really hit for me. I think it's at the next level of that is then identity because now I don't need an intention to work out. It's a part of my identity. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm just someone that works out. Like I, it's like a part, you know, you kind of get beyond that. But yeah, I think, I think about that a lot. Cause I talk about body and the relationship to the body and, you know, my deep desire to be thin and look a certain way at that time.

1:17:09And there really was a part of me, and I know this so much with women that could not hear it. You know, you just like, if I heard any, you know, eat intuitively, I'd be like, fuck you. Like, you know what I mean? Like it was just that part that, you know, I, I work with parts. So that part that is just, for me, believes that being thin is the only way to be loved is so deeply protective of the experience and quest for being thin that it will not, it will drown every other voice out and not believe any other voice, which is such a wild experience of being a human that you can really shape the entire reality based on your like unconscious desire to be loved or accepted.

1:17:52Yeah. Because for so many of us, especially women, that's like ingrained from such a young age. another great part about Hoffman is you'll, you'll go deeply into that. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, just like things, behaviors, and beliefs that came from childhood and like little ways, even that it showed up, even if it wasn't like directly said to you, this is my toxic trade. I'm like, I've covered them all. I'm like, Oh, it'll be interesting. I'm like my little, I mean, my, I'm walking down the street and you're like, yeah, you do that. Cause your mom, da, da, da, sudden I'm like, what? You know, like I will do like basic things and I'm like, oh yeah, that's because dad never did this.

1:18:29And I'm like, God, you know, like, but I think I can have those and I have every day is a new reality download, but I think the feeling them and the being with the full, okay. So you have the download. And I think a lot of people have, oh, I'm making this connection of, you know, my mom prioritized success and wanted me to be successful. So that's my desire to be successful. I only believe I can be loved if I'm successful. But then what's the emotional reality of that feeling? You know, what's the actual, so I do feel like I definitely need more room for going into my, the emotional embodiment, somatic experience of that.

1:19:06Yeah. It's hard. Sometimes I feel like as we do all of this self-work and discovery and therapy, like a lot of us know where our things come from. Yeah. And then it's kind of like, what do you do with that? Yeah. Yeah. Part of it is acceptance. Part of it is working through whatever's under there, but it is challenging to just be super hyper self-aware and know who did me wrong and what the result was. And then kind of being like, now what? Because then, you know, I, everything, I see a lot of just life with the lens of parts, because what happens, and I'll even say myself as an example, I can have the awareness of something that's very painful, but then protective parts are like, they don't want to feel like their job is to not allow you to feel pain.

1:19:48So they're going to stop you from that. They're going to distract you, look at your phone. We could do this, we could do that. And it's like, they're just like really just keeping the emotional experience at bay. And it's like, you have to be with that protector part long enough to make that protector part safe to be like, Hey, it's okay for us to feel. And then you get access to whatever part of you is holding onto that experience or that emotion that actually has access to that feeling. So for, you know, for a lot of people, it's like they can have the awareness, but then the protector part is protecting the awareness from becoming a feeling.

1:20:18And so you really have to be, take your time to be like, it is okay for us to feel the fullness of this and go into this and protector parts. Like we don't have time. There's more to do. Like, why would we do this? This is boring. Like da, da, da, da. And it's just like waiting and waiting and waiting and patience to really allow, but it can be easy to really listen and stick with protector part and be like, yeah, you're right. I'll do that later. Protector part is loud and she's full of excuses. Oh, goodness. I know. She's good. She's doing her job. Yeah, she's got the best excuses. One time I was like bawling my eyes out and I was like, oh my God, something.

1:20:54And then all of a sudden I was like looking at my phone and I was like, damn, protector part. Oh, the phone scrolling is the protector part. Because it was like, yeah. She's like, let's numb. Let's not feel. She's like, yeah, let's not feel. And it was just like, I was just like, oh my God. I was in a full emotional experience. And then I just did this thing unconsciously to numb. It's autopilot. Autopilot. Okay, just I know that you're interviewing me, but now I have a selfish question because the more that you speak about IFS, the more I'm like, this really lands for me. Is there a place that you recommend people start with that?

1:21:26Yeah. Read the book No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz. So Dick Schwartz is the founder of IFS. I'm doing like an intensive with him in Spain in like a few weeks. him and it's like Gabby Bernstein. It's like a small group of us, which is exciting, but no bad parts is a really good one. Do you have a therapist? So I don't know if your therapist is IFS trained, but a lot of times if your therapist can bring in parts language, it can be really helpful. Totally. But for a lot of people, you know, and actually from a brain science perspective, it's helpful to personify things because then you can see it rather than identifying with it.

1:21:58So when I'm like, Oh, protector part, then I'm here. Protector parts here, you know, So it helps us. Separation. And that separation creates consciousness because then I'm aware of the thing, but I know I'm not the thing. And parts work is just like, especially for someone that's type A, someone that's sensitive, someone that has that, there's very specific parts that really are deeply holding on to things that are very valuable for the world. But you have to just be very to work with, you know, and they're very obvious parts sometimes, you know, like some parts are more obvious than others. Like you could have like a deeply spiritual part that's like not as obvious or a performer part.

1:22:38Like I have a performer part like, you know, that comes out sometimes or like an emo part. You know, you just have a bunch of different aspects of us, which is really cool. You're getting married soon. And so just speaking on kind of doing this both self-work, if there's any like health things you're doing, anything you're doing to prepare not only for the wedding itself, but also to be married. Yeah. So with wedding prep, it's funny. A lot of people have been asking me that and I feel like everyone expects this dramatic, here are all the things I'm doing. And I'm really keeping it pretty simple, like continuing to do the workouts to make me feel good.

1:23:16Maybe doing sprinkling in a few more because I want to feel extra good, but not doing it from this place of like desperation and trying to make myself small. A lot of collagen, a lot of things that make me dewy and glowy, eating really clean. Also allowing myself to not eat clean because that's part of life. It's funny now because I'm like clean. I'm like, people are going to say something about clean. You know, like people get mad about clean now. Yes. Wait, what? I got that recently. I was like, what? What does that mean? What do they say? People are like, oh, if you say clean eating, they're like, oh, clean eating.

1:23:49Like you're assuming that food is good or bad, but food is neutral. Like food is something. I think we need to, everybody needs to calm down. That's 100%. 100%. And also you're like, you're going to look at like Fruity Pebbles and say those are, you know what I mean? Like we have to have some sort of understanding of what we're talking about here. Yeah. By that I mean whole foods, not processed. Yeah, just where I can. I think I always feel my best when I'm cooking at home where I can, but there has to be room for going out and enjoying a night also. In terms of like mentally prepping myself, I haven't really thought about that, to be honest.

1:24:27We're going to get our marriage licenses tomorrow. Oh, my God. Business closing – or not closing, business transition. Marriage license. Babe, that's huge. Wow. Within two days of each other. That's really crazy. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. One of my favorite quotes is there are years that ask questions and there are years that answer. There are years that answer. And it's like, that is like everything happened at once. You know what I mean? Like sometimes you're like, what is happening? And then it's like, everything is answered in this time. And it really was in like a year period because I hadn't even started my podcast at that time.

1:24:57Actually, I was simultaneously to the eight year breakup. I was going through a podcast breakup because I had first started for like like a micro moment, a podcast with a friend. And it was very like pelvic pain focused and Lyme disease focused and endometriosis. And it was very like medical and pain. Yeah. Identifying with that kind of like victim part of me. And within like two months, I was like, this is not aligned. The friendship's not aligned. None of it felt good. And I remember being like, oh my God, I'm going to have to break up with my business partner and my romantic partner at the same time.

1:25:33so it's when it rains it pours I've felt that in the good ways and the bad ways but um yeah there's really been like a clearing for sure wow so excited for you thank you so with the wedding what's one thing you're going to do like around the wedding that's like a ritual or something like really special and sweet pre-wedding or maybe even on the day oh you know I hadn't really thought about that I mean let's brainstorm it's not yet Let's come up with a ritual. I mean, I think that it's going to be a really rare scenario for me to have all of my family here. Yeah. Especially from the Midwest. Not everybody loves to travel to New York.

1:26:13It's a lot. And so the idea of having and because we're also having a very small wedding, I get like 35 people to myself. So it's intimate. And, you know, I think I need to arrange something so that especially with my closest family, I can really feel connected to them. Even though it's a smaller wedding, I would hate for it to be the type of thing where all these people come and we're really just doing a dinner. It's not even like a full day, right? So they're flying all the way here for this small thing. And I really need to come up with something to make it feel connected so that it's not just like a thing where I'm running around trying to say two words to everybody in one night.

1:26:51I wonder if it was like writing each of them a card or something or just seeing and witnessing them somehow or maybe photos of them. even having like a walk earlier in the day yeah that's a good one together for like a beautiful walk and maybe like bring a blanket and hang out on the west side highway sunset moment yeah that's really sweet because i don't want a bunch of to-dos our wedding is kind of the opposite of um people feeling like they have to be and do certain things and be places like we're not even having an after party love um and that was something where we were like started to arrange this after party with like 200 people and we were going to venues.

1:27:28We were like, maybe we'll do it at the nines. And then we both looked at each other and we're like, we hate after parties. I want to go to bed. That's my least favorite part of every wedding. I know that's an unpopular opinion, but like I am looking for the door. No, too late. It's too late. I don't need the brunch the next day. I don't need anybody to feel constrained to my schedule. And we're also doing a Friday wedding. So like people have the weekend to themselves. Love it. Wow. I'm so excited. Thank you. Amazing. Can't wait to see PIP. Where can people connect with you to learn more and to get more of this?

1:27:57Yes. So they can connect with me on my podcast, The Wellness Process, anywhere you listen to podcasts, on Instagram at The Wellness Process Pod, and my personal account, Eliza End, where I share more fashion and lifestyle things. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. It's amazing. Okay, guys. We'll see you on the next one. See ya. Love you. Bye. thank you so much elizabeth for coming on almost 30 we really appreciate you thank you thank you and thank you all for listening if you're not subscribed to the show please subscribe we have new episodes two episodes every single week proud of that um and follow us on tiktok instagram and we're on youtube we'd love for you to watch us on youtube it's a whole experience you never quite know what you're gonna get sometimes socks sometimes not Yeah, sometimes the outfits crush, sometimes not.

1:28:48Okay, guys, we love you. We'll see you on the next one. We'll see you soon. Bye.