827. Why Dating Feels Harder Than Ever Today (+ The Mindset Shifts You Need)

27:15So I think after that 12 week mark is where the intensity should begin. Now I say four to 12, because the younger you are, and young folks, you're going to hate this, the less you really know yourself. So I think you should take a little bit more time to discover. The older you get, the more you begin to realize, I know who I am. I know what I'm looking for. And, you know, it's a little bit more cut and dry. And I also think there's an element of like, I don't want to waste time when you are a little bit older. Absolutely. Yeah. The change thing is so interesting because I'm in a new relationship and I was married before.

27:56and so now I see like elements of like when I'm with this person like every second I'm like this is what you get like I'm like anything that happens that I'm a little bit like ooh I'm like this is what it is like I keep telling I'm like this is what it is like but it is interesting because also you change you do change in relationship like I'm sure you and your wife have both changed so much absolutely so how do you kind of find that balance because it is you don't want to go in thinking you'll change them but you also have to leave room for change yeah well I'll I'll be a preacher and not answer the question you asked please A lot of times folks will come to me and they're like, well, how do I know if this is the one to marry?

28:33Yeah. Or like, that's a scary decision. And what I'll tell people is everybody has imperfections. There's not a perfect person. There's always going to be parts of somebody you want to change. The question I'll ask is the parts about them that you love that are just amazing. Are they so overwhelming to you with joy? that you're willing to tolerate the things that are, I don't know. And for the parts of them that kind of rub you the wrong way, if you're not so enamored with their good qualities that you can't tolerate the things that are not the best, then that's when I'm like, yeah, this one probably shouldn't go down the aisle.

29:17So what happens is when we get married and I'm like, I'm so enamored with who you are, I can tolerate the other stuff. when you begin to change the other stuff and you actually begin to grow and develop my love for you actually increases because I was good with where you were and now you're more ambitious you're more um empathetic or you're you're more kind or whatever maybe I'll give you that one um my parents would be mad I feel like I was raised by wolves I just And, you know, we're not going to say therapy, so we're not going to go into the whole trauma deal and all that kind of stuff. But a lot of it's my personality.

29:59But I was not the most emotional person. My wife literally said, first 10 years of marriage, I can count on one hand how many times I saw you cry and not use all my fingers. Wow. Okay, this feels like therapy now. I'm really hard on myself. Yeah. Which, you know, a lot of us type A's are. So I'm hard on other people as well. So I don't give out a lot of praise. Well, after getting a lot of feedback and a lot of counseling, I've turned to this person. When I put a Disney movie on, I'll cry before the first 10 minutes is over. I mean, I'm a bucket. Life will do that to you. But now she's just like, dude, put yourself together.

30:39You're a little too emotional. And that part of me that she wanted, it did change. It did develop. But you've got to go insane. if they never change, I love them for who they are. Yeah, for sure. Otherwise, it's just this frustration. Yeah. It's almost like the space with her and probably being a father almost opened up to softness, especially for your emotions. Oh, it does. You know, where you could just like evolve and change. But yeah, it's so helpful because I think a lot of times women definitely do go into relationship. Like, okay, I want him to change in this way. I don't know if men feel the same with women.

31:09Do you feel like that's true? I'll throw one thing out that I put in the book as well. One thing I would really ask somebody as you're dating is what's one part of your life that you did not like that you changed? Or if you're a person of faith, I'll even say it this way. What's one thing that God highlighted he wanted to change in your life that you actually followed through on the change? Because I can't change someone. So I've got to know that they've got the ambition to grow and to develop and to change for themselves and to see that active in their life. Because if I'm talking married to somebody who has no desire and really is not going to be motivated on their own, there's no hope of any change.

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35:47And I think being now married, I know that's not true. And it's essential that we know that they are not for the dumping for everything, right? The question I'm getting to is more around faith and just how important a role that is played not only in your relationship, but what you see in kind of these modern dating scenarios and how it's impacted the dynamic in a way that is really, I've just seen it be very profound in like the courting part of dating. You've got this big Bible verse that we all quote when it comes to marriage, and the two shall become one. What it does not say is the two halves shall become one whole.

36:35It says two whole individuals shall become one. If you do a little math, one times one equals one. A lot of times there's trauma. There's brokenness in my past that has left me less than who God called me to be. And unhealthily, I look for a relationship to complete me. Now I've put an expectation on a human that only God can fulfill. And we can be two people that were made for each other. But because we have unrealistic expectations of each other, I'm frustrated with someone because they're not meeting a need that they were never designed to meet. Only God can make you whole again. Only God can heal a part of you that no counselor can reach, that no medication can heal.

37:28There's a part of us that was made for God. And when you find that, there's no perfect people. We're all in process. We're all healing as we go. When I found my relationship with God, I'm no longer looking for the person that I'm dating or married to to be my completion. And we can have a healthy, non-codependent relationship. And what happens is, okay, I stay in trouble. I don't know why. Some people get into a rescuer's mode. A lot of women. Where I'm dating someone who's not whole. And I like the feeling of being needed. And I think I can fix them. So now I'm in a relationship with someone that I'm more of a blessing to them than they are to me.

38:26And your friends, they're worried. They're concerned. Your family's just like running for it. And you can't see it because you're so committed to helping this person become whole that you don't realize that that's not what romance, that's not what a relationship was meant for. It's supposed to be two equal partners that are building a life together, not one person who is dependent on someone else for something that they can't give them. I relate to that deeply for so long. And I also realized that it was so much about me wanting to feel like I was good, like I was the better one, whatever that meant, you know, like I had it more together or I knew more.

39:10And that was such a subconscious thought. I didn't consciously think that. But it was such a sneaky thing that was happening over and over and over. And I'm like, oh, wow, this is totally influencing who I am choosing to be in relationship with. It's going to sound bad coming from a pastor, but I say it all the time. Dating is not ministry. And here's what I mean by that. Let me make it, you know, corporate America. So if I've got a company, I've got co-workers and I've got clients. I want to partner with my co-workers to serve my clients. I don't want to have to serve my co-worker. and the client, now the weight on me is astronomical.

39:53Your marriage ultimately should be a ministry as you are serving the community around you. But if I've got to prop up the person that I'm married to, we can't really be a blessing in whatever way God called us to be because this is consuming all of our emotional energy. And I've really, my prayer is to empower people enough. It's not callous. It is not selfish to say, hey, I'm going to bring half to this relationship. And if the other person is not able to bring the other half, then this is not a relationship that was meant to be. I can't be 80 or 90 percent of a relationship. Now, caveat, after you get married, in sickness and in health, yeah, there's going to be a season where they're not at 100 percent.

40:44And it's your time to step up. But that is vice versa as a marriage goes along. But in the dating season, now you've got to be able to meet me where I am. There's a lot of women, I guess, that's something we hear a lot. And there's like, you know, Scott Galloway's work and Logan Urie's work on how a lot of women are sort of passing men financially. Women are now earning men. They're more educated than men. And even like emotionally, and they feel like the pool of men that are good quality prospects is small. What would you say to a woman that is like very, you know, beautiful, successful, all the things that is looking for a match?

41:25Like, is it that, what are you going to say? You already know I'm starting trouble. You can see it all over my life. I hear the statistics of women out earning men, but there would not be all this outrage about a wage gap if that was 100 % true. That's interesting. Men still out-earn women in America, at least. That's what we're fighting for. There is that wage gap and it's documented. So I think, I hear what they're saying. I don't give it 100 % validity. Stephen, why do you get in trouble? If you've got a high-earning man, his biggest concern is not how much money are we going to make because he's got that covered so a lot of times what women are offering a relationship a high capacity man doesn't value that i've got degrees i've got income i've got all this covered and what a high capacity income man is thinking i just need somebody who can keep me sane it is so crazy at work and there's so much pain and pressure and all that.

42:40I'm looking for a safe place that I can just unravel privately. And I've got a wife. I've got a woman that can be my safe place. Now, if you're going to date or marry somebody who's high income and all that, does that mean to be his safe place that you can't have a career, you can't have an income? No, absolutely not. But you've got to understand what he's looking for and figure out how to manage your life in a way that I can be that safe place for him. And I can also fulfill the dreams that I have and all that other good stuff. Or you're going to end up with a guy who doesn't have the same ambition that you have.

43:25And there's a lot of frustration that comes with that. And I'll leave it at that. Why? Why leave it at that? Because further than that, I get in trouble. Say more. Say more. What is more important, net worth or legacy? We've got to decide. And here's what I'll tell people. You will always leave money on the table if you're going to fulfill your dream. Because money will cause you to abandon your original calling. because there were, you guys know this, you've gotten offers that when you sat back and you're like, no, that's not our heart. That's not all, but the dollars, the zeros, the commas. And I think sometimes women are like, well, I've got to take care of myself, I provide for myself and I'm going to make the most money possible and I'm going to work the most hours possible and all that.

44:20And it's fine, but they're not really weighing, what am I giving up? Because I am, I want it all. you can't have it all. If you're going to be present for the kids, you are not going to be in that meeting. If you're going to miss that soccer game, you can't have it all. And I think we've got to be able to say that's enough in this area. Now I've got to give some energy to this area. That's enough in this area. I've got to give it. And it's vice versa. I don't think anybody's world should be consumed with their kids or their spouse or that your whole world shouldn't be made up of one sector. You've got to have that balance, but it will require you to give some things up in certain areas.

45:07Yeah, and there are going to be seasons that require more of that. How has that played out in your marriage just as you've evolved over 12 years and have multiple kids? Well, obviously, because of the story with my mom, my wife taking care of herself has been a top priority for me. of kids are going to be second or maybe even third, but they're not going to be. So helping my wife walk through, hey, you know, the kids are going to be okay. You, what's on your heart? What's your dream? What's this? What's that? And then, for example, this year, I was like, man, I think I'm traveling too much. I'm just noticing, particularly my oldest, my eight-year-old daughter, every time I, Daddy, when you coming back?

45:55Daddy, when you gone? And the confidence that she walked in at six and seven, she's still confident, but I'm noticing. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. The road will always be there. I've got really probably up to what, 13, 14? Yeah. To shape her identity and that it's set. So this year I canceled almost every speaking engagement that I had. And I said, hey, I got to stay home for this season. And you guys know some really good opportunities. Yeah, of course. But I know for a fact that 20 years down the road, what am I going to value more? A daughter that's confident and know who she is? Yes.

46:38Or, you know, some engagement that I forgot about six months after I did it. I think that's an important question. It's like 20 years from now. What really matters? What really matters? Truly, truly. I'm going to take a sharp pivot. I want to talk about sex prior to marriage. Uh-oh. Go home. What does sex play a role in dating? What are your thoughts on how soon? Not at all. Well, obviously, I'm a pastor. Yeah. So, you know, people ask, what's your opinion? And I tell my church, you know, I'm not allowed to have an opinion. It's the word of God. When you surrender to God, his opinion is supreme.

47:14Here's what a lot of people, especially people of faith, are not able to defend. They're not able to defend why God's ways are the best ways other than God said it. So let me defend no sex before marriage, none at all. Not just a little bit, not to wait, none at all. Not from a God said it perspective, but from a practical perspective. I'm not going to say it on your podcast, but there's this word that people use. It rhymes with hypnotize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. It's true and it's real. Stigmatized. Thank you. When you have sex with someone, you lose all common sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lose the ability to realize their breath stinks.

48:01And they've got horrible credit score. And our values don't align. And what you're trying to do when you're dating is you're trying to, as best you can, make a sober decision on do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. And sex inebriates you and it keeps you from making a sober decision. You will find people that date for six years, eight years, 11 years, and they break up. And then they're as devastated as if it was a divorce. And they realize, man, that person was no good in the beginning. Well, if you weren't sleeping with them, you would have been able to see a long time ago that they ain't been good nine out of the 11 years.

48:53You should have ran, but your ability to really comprehend what was going on was tainted because of the intimate connection. I believe that God created sex to be the glue in marriage. and when I'm having sex with someone before marriage, I'm gluing myself to someone that I should not have that level of commitment to. The other thing is infidelity is a massive issue nowadays. I was watching a podcast and I was nauseous. The question was, how many times does he get to cheat before you leave? It was a real question. And the individual that answered was like somewhere around three or four because on the fourth time now I know it's I'm like wait is this even a conversation right now and what what what no sex before marriage does is it proves that I can control myself yeah that's a good one come on now so if I've never proven to you that I can control myself before me for men or women and then now because I stand in front of a pastor and I say I'm committed to you for life, automatically some switch of control is supposed to be flipped and I'm supposed to be able to be committed to one person.

50:14I've never been committed to one person. Why do you think I would be able to start doing that now? I get in trouble for this, even though I put in the book. Honestly, the publishers really push back on this. They're like, I think you should take that out of the book. And I'm like, 10 toes down and stayed in there. I'll clean it up a little bit, but I'll say what I said. They wanted me to change the language. I'll give you the language I put in the book. Some of us have taught our partner how to cheat. And I'm not saying you are responsible for somebody else's decisions, but you train your partner to have something they're not allowed to have.

50:52And then after you get married, You expect them to no longer want something they're not allowed to have. We're married. I can have you. The intrigue, you were talking about that dopamine hit, the suspense, the intrigue, the, you know, sneaking out of the hotel at one in the morning. That's gone. There's no sneaking. We're married. And now I'm looking for that dopamine hit that marriage is no longer going to give me. I'm looking elsewhere for it. And it's because I never had to discipline myself.

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54:31Yeah, especially in a man. Where did I go? You said especially in a man. Yeah, especially, yeah, I guess because I feel like, okay, that's a great one. So my perception is that women are more disciplined than men in that area. Okay. Is that a wrong perception? What do you feel? I don't know. I think 2025 is different. That's a great point. This is where we get in trouble now. I think y 'all women. No, you're right. That's so true. Are like, anything he can do, I can do better. I agree with that. And y 'all have taken that to cheating as well. And you know what else? I feel like women now are desperate for any type of connection with men.

55:07Yeah. And I feel like men are more avoidant than ever. And so they're kind of trying out sex to see if that's how they can connect with them. And almost like trying out the ways of men to see if they can get that connection or commitment. What do you feel about that? Oh, absolutely. And it's not popular, but I don't like this feminine energy and masculine energy. Because I think some stuff that they call feminine energy is just, no, it's just being a human. Yeah, totally. But I think women are taking this approach of, well, men are just aggressive in everything and they're winning. So maybe if I match that aggression, maybe I can get a leg up and, you know, win on that level.

55:48And there is a level of that aggression that causes you to lose who you are. And you just mentioned men are more distant than they ever have been. and the list you gave, maybe it's because we've lost who we are. Ladies, don't follow us down that dark pit of losing our identity. Like that's not what you want to follow. Yeah, so true. It just takes a little bit of in-depth thinking of where does this end up? Yeah. And that's not where I want to end up. So even though everybody else is doing it, It seems like it's getting them ahead. Let me not take that journey. And for someone who's not a Christian listening, like, do you feel, I mean, this was like a perfect pitch for this.

56:46I feel like it was so strong. But I guess in the practical moments, in the moments of like the discussion around, you know, are we going to have sex or like those heat of the moment things, but you have this in your heart that you do want to wait. I guess how would you walk us through kind of a conversation or how you bring this up in a budding relationship because I do feel like from my experience um and I wasn't able to successfully do this ever um but I would always be afraid that they'd be like I'm out yeah yeah because I think in my heart I knew that's what they wanted yeah yeah that's obviously so I'm like no I want to give them what they want so we can get to the next level where I'm going to show them how amazing I'm going to be.

57:28You don't look so real. I think this is definitely a conversation that is had in communities of people of no faith. And especially y 'all ladies, or at least that's how y 'all do it in the movies, which is real. But hey, don't give it up the first night. It's like, is that not a big conversation of, no, don't do that. You know what he wants or whatever it may be. And some women will be like, okay, I'm just going to let you know if nothing's happening at night or nothing's happening. And they'll give themselves these little challenges of the first four weeks. Because the last time I jumped in bed and then he broke my, or he turned out, he just wanted one thing.

58:07I got ghosted or whatever it may be. So my challenge would be, well, why did you say not the first night? Or why did you say not the first four weeks? And my challenge would be, whatever you were hoping to hold on to in the first four weeks, it doesn't change week five. I want to be able to see him clearly and not have that mess up your vision. Well, it's going to mess up your vision week six or month six or month eight. So if you think it's going to affect the relationship in the first four weeks, that's why you're holding off. My only statement is you're right. So hold off completely, not just the first three weeks.

58:46Am I right? There's that conversation of, hey, don't jump in bed too fast because, you know, it's going to mess things up. And yeah, it will. The other thing is we men, I think, are made by God to be conquerors, to be aggressive, to take hold of vision and all that other good stuff. When you give me something that is easy for me to get, the pursuit is completely gone. And I know, yes, if I don't give it up and he's gone. Yeah, but he wasn't going to pursue you for the next 50 years anyway. And don't you want to be married to somebody that's pursuing you for the next 50 years instead of the next five weeks until he gets what he wants?

59:33And then the rest of your life is you serve him because he is the prize. And you're trying with me? I think it's still old school. The woman is the prize. And yes, we're serving each other. But the woman is the prize. and a man who wants something great in life, he's going to pursue. How do you stay in that with your wife? Like, what does that look like as being married for so long to stay in pursuit? I think... I'm going to get in trouble with the single folks. Just remind yourself how ghetto it is out in those streets.

1:00:12And this is... I'm not... I'm officially a bad guest. No. But I will counsel and encourage the singles at my church. And secretly in the back of my head, I'll say I'm so glad. He's like, I would not. You couldn't pay me to go back. We did a singles night at our church. It was 3 ,000 single folks that showed up on one night. It was wild. Speed dating, Q &A. I mean, it was just, it was a circus. It was so much fun. But all the staff at the church, we walked out of it and I am so glad. I am not single because the craziness of this mindset right now. So I think what happens in marriage is you begin to take for granted what you have.

1:00:57And you've got to figure out what disciplines do I keep in my life that I can remind myself I have the prize. So let me continue to pursue it. Let me not lose sight of what matters. Unfortunately, like for all of us, people go through the tragedy of divorce. that go through the tragedy of, I thought it was forever. And it turned out not to be. And I think for people who are married, they've got to keep, that is a possibility. And man, I think some divorces wouldn't happen if we knew that it was a possibility of happening. So we valued what we had. We valued our relationship. We valued our communication.

1:01:42Sometimes when you're married, you talk to your spouse like they'll never leave you. and it's like you know they can't right like you can't just talk to people any other way you can't ignore people you can't not value them they don't have to stay so i think it may sound morbid or negative or whatever but when i look at my marriage as there's not a guarantee that i'm going to have this forever so i better value it as if i want it forever what do you think about

1:02:18the woman that's working all the time, doing all the things, but she's like, God's going to have something for me. And there's that belief, which I believe, obviously God's going to do his thing. I don't. But also they're not doing anything and not going out and not trying or anything. Where do you find that balance of God's going to just put the man on your path or you're going to have to actually open yourself up and work for it? So you brought up faith, so I'm going to throw the Bible at your head. James. Okay. Jesus is biological brother. So I grew up watching the miracle worker. And here's what James says.

1:02:52You show me your faith by what you say. Real faith is based on what you do. James said faith without works is dead. I was, she knows who she is. I was talking to this single girl at this church. She's like, man, I believe that God's going to send my spouse. I said, okay, tell me what your day looks like. Well, I wake up, I read my Bible, I pray. I drink my matcha and then I go out to work and I come home and I sit in my house and I watch Netflix. And I'm like, so unless your husband is an Amazon delivery driver, FedEx or UPS. Barista. Or a barista. I think she makes a matcha at home. Oh, here we go.

1:03:30Okay. I was like, you're never getting married because he's out there. Well, it's his job to find me. He doesn't know your address. Yeah. If he knows your address, he's a stalker. That's dangerous. you've got to put yourself a little bit of Bible. I love it. I love it. So there was a widow in the Bible who was starving to death, had a son, went to the prophet. And the prophet said, here's how the miracle is going to happen. You go get all these empty jars from your neighbors, put the jars in your house, and then you've got a little bit of oil, begin to pour that oil into those empty jars. And if you know the story, the oil supernaturally continued to pour until every empty jar was filled.

1:04:16Did God do a miracle? Yes. He took a little bit of oil and he supernaturally extended it. But if she had not acted, gone, embarrassed herself, asking her neighbors for empty jars when they all knew she was starving to death, had nothing to fill those jars with, if she didn't put herself out there, the miracle would have never happened. Here's what I tell my church. That dating app is an empty jar. My faith is not in the dating app. My faith is in God's going to do a miracle when I give him a space to do it in. Going to the gym at 5 p.m., which is a circuit. Instead of getting there at 4 a.m. when nobody's there and you're not going to meet it.

1:04:56Yes, I'm still trusting God, but I'm giving him a space to do it in. I love that so much. Any dating hazards we should be aware of? Red flags. That we haven't talked about. Well, we absolutely talked about not being able to see the person because I'm overcommitted. We talked about being a rescuer instead of being an equal. I think really taking the time to find out, do our values match? I'm not trying to change you. I'm just trying to dictate, do our values match? So I want a big family. You want no kids. Our values aren't in alignment, especially in the Christian community. We're taught, as long as you believe in Jesus, that's all that matters.

1:05:46Let's know. What do you consider to be financial security? If it's hundreds of thousands of dollars, it's different from what I consider. Our values are not in alignment. How do you plan on taking care of your parents and old age? Do our values align? So I think really there needs to be that, okay, here's where I'm going. Are we headed in the same direction? And it gets really fun when you marry somebody that has shared values. It gets really frustrating because somebody is going to be dragging somebody else when your values aren't in alignment. It's real. What was it about your wife? so this is gonna sound very selfish um the first thing well first of all she's hot i tell this story it's you know every stereotypical pastor that you think the worst of them it's that story but i know the first sunday this chick walked into church i could tell you to this day what she was wearing and it was two years before we started dating because i just made up in my mind like i'm not gonna date any of the girls in the church because if you do you break up.

1:06:54It's a church split. It was a small church. So that was a mess. But I watched her come in the church and obviously she was gorgeous. And that's the first thing that attracted to me. And that is godly. Oh, I love their heart. Yeah, but you don't whirl over in the middle of the night and look at their heart. Okay. You need to be attracted more than their heart. But I watched how she cared for her friends. I watched how she showed up for other people, not expecting anything in return. and it may be selfish, but I literally said, man, if she shows up for people like that and she's not even married to them, imagine how she's going to show up for a spouse.

1:07:32If she serves people around her like that, imagine. So that's the first thing that attracted me to her other than, yeah. And other thing is she was a maverick. She was in this group of friends, but she had no issues not fully fitting in. And she didn't fully fit in and she also didn't care. And I wasn't used to that level of confidence and that level of security of I just know who I am and I'm not apologizing for who I am because I think there's a space in the world for who God called me to be. And I was more used to, particularly being a pastor, I was more used to women saying, okay, who do you want me to be?

1:08:25Who do you need me to be? What box do you want me to fit in? And Zai, my wife, she came with this energy of, I don't care what you want. This is who I am. And if this is not who you want, then you just ain't the one for me. And I'm going to move on to the who is. And there was something attractional about that confidence. I'm in the, finally, she loved the church. And I just knew as a pastor, I needed someone who loved what I was called to. Because what I didn't want was someone, when you're coming home, oh, you're going to another meeting, another, you know, that type of deal. And I was a pastor of the church when we started dating.

1:09:01She literally said this on our first date. She said, if this doesn't work out, you're going to have to find another church because I like this church and I'm not leaving. And I burst out laughing. But she was actually dead serious. She was like, I know what God's called me to. And I'm not going to let this relationship not working out move me off of the call of God in my life. Just to that, as our last question, a lot of our community is rediscovering God and rediscovering a relationship and coming back to the faith? Like, what would you say to them? Oh, my goodness. I think that is such a beautiful journey because any faith that is lived out because that's what you were told to do or you believe that's what good people do is a faith that will not last.

1:09:55The Bible literally says all faith must be tested and only that which makes it through fire. What's fire? Disappointment, setback, detours. So I love, you know, sometimes people try to shame. How dare you question your faith or leave your faith or whatever? No, no, no. You're actually proving your faith because it's not mom's faith or dad's faith. It's not what culture told me to believe. I've tested for myself and I've figured out this is what I want. Bible says in the book of Matthew, come to Jesus, all ye who are weary and heavy laden for I will give you rest and he said my yoke which is basically just my expectations are easy and my burden is light and here's what he said he said I am gentle of heart here's where that return to faith really comes from when life beats you up and you realize whatever it is expectations of people the weight is impossible to carry, the burdens.

1:10:56And what the enemy wants you to think is that religion is just a whole bunch more weight. It's rules, it's judgment, it's shame. And Jesus said, actually, it's nothing like that at all. He said, I'm here to take that weight off of you. And he said, I'm not here. How dare you? He said, no, no, I have a gentle heart that is just so excited for you to come back. So my prayer for that person who is discovering faith is don't get caught up so much in the rules of this and the rules of that. I can't do this and I can't do. Start with there's a weight in life that I don't think I can carry. I wonder if God can help alleviate this weight in my life.

1:11:41And he 100 % can. When you feel that weight lifting, all of a sudden, you're going to realize this is what I've always wanted in life. And then the desire to live a life, to please him, to live according, that will come when you realize, my goodness, he is what I have always been looking for. Beautiful. Thank you. Tell them where they can get the book and where they can find you? Stephen with a PH, R Chandler, everything. So Instagram.com, you can grab the book everywhere books are sold. And I really encourage people when they read the book, feel free not to agree with everything in the book. But my prayer is that it begins you thinking and challenging and being intentional about what I think next to faith is the most important decision you will ever make in life.

1:12:38Yeah, amen. For sure. Thank you. Beautiful. Excited. Bye, guys. We'll see you soon. Bye. Love you. Bye.

1:12:48Thank you so much, Stephen, for coming in studio, for coming in person, for just giving a little prayer before this, which was so much fun. It was a joy and a pleasure to meet you. Yeah. His new book, Relationship Roadmap, is out now. Get it anywhere books are sold. Thank you all so much for listening, for subscribing to Almost 30. We have two episodes every single week for you. And be sure to subscribe on YouTube. Follow us on Instagram at Almost 30 Podcast. Same on TikTok. And I'm Lindsay Simpsick on Instagram. I am at It's Krista. We'll see you soon. We love you. Bye.