831. The Cost of Constant Stimulation (+ How to Reclaim Your Life)

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1:17Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. It's Lindsay. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for joining us. This is a solo episode, which we do a couple times a month. we do a solo with Krista and myself and then two individual solos. And these are on topics that, you know, feel very relevant to us. And we want to be able to just be honest with y 'all and kind of bring you into our process. Or maybe it's something that we've freshly processed and we're sharing what we've learned. But I'm excited you're here. If you're new to Almost 30, welcome. We are a show that's been around for a long time, almost 10 years.

2:00We started when we were in our late twenties. We are now not almost 30. So you don't have to be almost 30 to listen. It's really just at this point, kind of a metaphor for like a place that you can come if you're moving through a season of change. But we started the show when we were like in the thick of it, really just feeling like our life should look different. And our friendship and our conversations were kind of the light at the time where we were like, oh, we're not alone. Oh, okay. Maybe our life isn't falling apart, you know? So I'm so happy you found us. And if you've been here for a while, I'm just grateful because, you know, our OG community is what inspires, you know, so much of what we do.

2:49We love getting your feedback and suggestions and just your support. I mean, We just had our book come out in June and I just felt so much love and support around that from all of you. And yeah, it's just been a beautiful, beautiful ride. So I'm so glad you found us. I'm so glad you've been here for a while. Share any of these episodes with friends. I feel like Almost 30 is an archive that you will absolutely find episodes that are going to support you or friends or family during particular seasons of your life. So dive into that archive. We have over 800 episodes waiting for you. And today's solo, I want to jump into.

3:31So I think I started to feel this most when I became a mom. So if you're new to the show, I am married. I have one son. He is almost two and a half years old. Um, and I realized how uncomfortable I had become with being in these like, quote unquote, boring or mundane moments. And it kind of shocked me. It annoyed me, my little ticks to kind of get out of those moments. And so I wanted to talk about it today. I wanted to talk about what that is, how it's blocking us, how we can be in those moments more. And I think most importantly, what that type of presence can unlock for us. because I think our constant stimulation is really, it's an input.

4:44So it's blocking our own creative output. So I'm just really interested in this, especially as we start the new year in a few days. Like I, I want to make this a priority. I want to make this a practice where I am not reaching for my phone or a podcast or, you know, just stimulation while I'm doing mundane things. Can I allow silence? Can I be with myself? Can I just allow my mind to wander? Can I, you know, be with my son, which I think I, I think this is part of the mundane moments that I do best because I just think, you know, you look at your child building a magnetiles castle and you're like, oh my God, this is so sweet and so amazing.

5:40And I'm kind of entranced by that. But there are moments where I'm like, well, let me just like quickly answer this email while he's doing that and I'll do it over here. So he's not looking. And, but again, it's like the escaping of those moments and it's the deprioritization of what's right in front of you so that your nervous system is satisfied in the way that you're used to. So I also think this is definitely a nervous system conversation. I just think we've forgotten how to be here. And it's not a knock. It is not an attack on technology. It is not to shame us. But I just think we've forgotten.

6:19You know, our nervous systems have forgotten. Our brains have forgotten. And we have kind of rewired our brains to need that distraction and stimulation in these moments of just sometimes nothingness of just these mundane things. I mean, when was the last time you stood in a line, say like the grocery line or whatever, and you didn't grab for your phone? Actually, I was talking to someone the other day who had boarded a plane and, you know, there's time between when you board and when you take off and people were sitting in their seats. She observed every single person was on their phone, looking down on their phone.

7:04And there was one person that wasn't. And she's like, honestly, when I first saw that, I thought they were weird. I was like, what's wrong with this person? Are they okay? Like, should I be worried? and this person was just you know looking around observing people watching you know taking deep breaths like just kind of hanging and she was like is this person okay and I was like I hear you because I'm sure like I would have observed that and be like wow that is not the norm but wow that's where we are that is where we are where we are looking at someone who is not on their phone and thinking, what's wrong with that?

7:47So I just want to be honest about this. I think we can all be honest with ourselves about this and take this point in the year to do a little reset, to reconfigure our relationship with stimulation. And when we incorporate that and when we are just using it to soothe and to distract and actually not be where we are because I think we are missing opportunities. You know, think about how often we have our head down in our phone and our eyes aren't up. And maybe our eyes aren't up and we're not seeing a person that we haven't seen in forever walk by us on the street. Or, you know, we don't catch our child do something incredible.

8:38Like, it's just, it's something that I think we can be a bit more diligent about. And I do want us to kind of, you know, change the neural pathways that we are creating, so that there's a little bit more balance. There's a little bit more acceptance and welcoming of the quote unquote boring because I just think it has a lot for us. My theory, before we get into it, my theory is that allowing ourselves to be in these mundane moments, these boring moments, these moments of what we feel is nothingness actually holds our creativity, more capacity for intimacy. It holds nervous system regulation like we've never before had.

9:31And I think it is affecting our long-term health. Pretty extreme statement, but I just, I think it is that deep and that profound. What defines boring moments? Okay. So boring moments are low stimulation. uh boring moments have no immediate reward um there's maybe no novelty to them perhaps um examples would be like i said before waiting in line waiting in line at the grocery store or zara you know uh repetitive tasks like washing the dishes or folding the laundry Um, quiet mornings, you know, just kind of milling about doing your morning routine. Um, walking, taking a walk without headphones, uh, being with someone without like actually doing an activity without having like a lot going on.

10:38Um, maybe that's like you and your partner are just like lounging outside in your backyard on a nice day, not on our phones, not even reading a book, which is not bad, obviously, but like just being there. I think why these moments now feel intolerable is that we have become a dopamine driven culture. This is who we are now. And I'm sure you've feel it. If you're honest with yourself, I'm sure you feel that feeling you get after a long day at work and you just like slink into a comfy chair or your bed and you get your phone and you start to scroll and you're just like, oh yeah. And it kind of does something to your brain where you're like satisfied, but you're also relaxed.

11:32And also in that scrolling, there are these like fast dopamine hits, right? Like just one after the other, we're seeing people's lives, we're seeing their wins, we're seeing their failures, we're seeing like, boom, boom, boom, boom, just to be able to peek in, like I feel is like a dopamine hit every single time. So when compared to these mundane moments, the mundane feel like super flat, we don't see any just life in them or potential in them or beauty in them. Our dopamine is coming from those quick hits of stimulation, specifically from our phones, I think. So now our brains expect stimulation.

12:23And I'm sure you feel this. You know, I admittedly, like, I kind of mask it in productivity. So I'll say, okay, while I'm washing the dishes or folding laundry, I'm going to listen to a podcast and learn something, right? Not inherently bad, but I notice that if I've started to fold laundry and I haven't set up a podcast, I'm feeling like something's missing here. Like something, I need something. Okay. My brain is like, can we, can we get a little hit? Like we're just here, you know, you don't need us. We're just here. We need, we need something. And I ultimately get a little bit uncomfortable.

13:12It feels nice to have something on in the background and listening. And so it's become like totally programmed into my brain now to desire that, want that. And it feels good. And it makes these tasks just feel manageable and entertaining. But I have to say, so often, I will come to the end of my day. And I'll realize that I haven't really had any moments of just being with my thoughts and with myself. There's usually something in my ear if I'm on the subway or headed to the studio, like I'm listening to something. And I'm just, I'm ready. I'm ready for a little bit more silence. And it's funny because I've had seasons before where I'm like very much about the silence.

14:09Like I won't even listen to anything when I was in my car in LA all the time. Like I would really just keep it super quiet. So it's funny. I'm wondering what that is during this season of my life. And maybe we can just take stock for yourself and what season you're in. You know, are there certain stressors? Are you sleep deprived? Do you feel like you're not giving yourself what you need in other ways. And so this dopamine hit just kind of fills a bucket for you that feels really good. I think we just be honest. And I think for me during this season of my life, it's like parenthood is the best and the hardest thing I've ever done.

14:55And I think at this stage with Mav, where, you know, sleep is a little rough right now, which is our story always has been. Um, and so I'm tired and I feel like that stimulation in those mundane moments during the day just kind of helps me feel more awake, a little more normal. Um, doesn't allow me to kind of be in that place of, oh my God, I'm so tired. I, I, I'm dreading the nighttime tonight. You know, what is it going to be like? It's so unpredictable. It's distracting me, right? is just distracting me from those feelings. And yeah, it's something I want to change.

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18:00You can head to paleovalley.com slash almost 30 or use the code 830 at checkout for 15 % off your first purchase. Again, my favorite is the chocolate bone broth protein. I will make sure to put this with hot water. Sometimes I'll add like a little dash of milk, even though you don't really need it. They have like a really clean coconut powder in there that gives it that creaminess, but it is so delicious. I'm telling everyone about it. Again, that's paleovalley.com slash almost 30. The code is A30, A30 at checkout for 15 % off your purchase. All right, so I want to get into the brain science of boredom because it's actually not wasted time at all, at all, at all.

18:48When the brain is not focused on a task, the default mode network activates. Okay, what the frick is that? So this network in the brain is associated with creativity, with insight, with autobiographical memory, meaning making, and empathy. And studies show creative insights often arise after disengagement, not during intense focus. Which if I think back over the course of my life like that, I can prove that over and over and over again. I can think back to times in school where I was putting so much pressure on myself to focus on getting a concept, especially in math. I was not the best math student, but when I would let it go and not be so focused on it, I actually understood concepts.

19:53it's like they were able to land when I wasn't so hyper focused on it and so it just creates this space in your brain and I've also noticed I think and this is kind of sad to admit but I'm curious if you guys relate I think that my memory has gotten worse since really becoming, I guess, let's just call it addicted to my phone. I think we're all addicted to our phones to a certain extent. Since the phone has become another appendage. And I don't like it. I don't like that feeling. You can layer on motherhood and how the brain changes. And I think all of that is absolutely true. But I do think there is something to the stimulation, those quick dopamine hits that is affecting my memory, memories of my life.

20:56And yeah, I want to really improve that because I think that's, that's important to me in the day to day. So some of you might say that, you know, just sitting there like scrolling, like passively scrolling is like just a rest time, you know, it kind of feels like that because you're just like, you're not like super engaged with it, but you're observing it, yada, yada. But this is actually not mental rest. Scrolling keeps the brain in a fragmented reactive state. Boredom, on the other hand, allows integration. So, you know, on any given day, you're scrolling TikTok, you're scrolling Instagram.

21:47Literally the other day, this is so crazy. I felt like five different intense emotions in the span of five minutes. I was crying one minute watching a beautiful video of, you know, someone helping someone in need. Then I scrolled to a video of a child in a precarious situation, and it was like a warning to parents. So I got scared. And then there was one that was like really funny. So I was like happy and, and just laughing. Um, and then there was one that just made me super anxious. Uh, I think it was like a, some sort of conspiracy theory and I got super anxious, you know, like I'm the fact that we're feeling deeply all of those emotions in the span of five minutes, but not really integrating.

22:50Like I would just go on and do what I had to do. Like I didn't actually integrate the feeling of fear, the feeling of anxiousness, that feeling of joy and happiness. Like, I don't know, man. I think that's, I think that's doing something and it's not a good thing. So it's, it's really filling space, not leaving room for integration. Um, And if I know anything, as someone who's been a creative her whole life, by the way, we're all creatives, but just feeling like I've been able to do that in my work and just in my life in a more embodied way, creativity does not come from filling space. It comes from leaving space alone long enough for something to land.

23:37And sometimes it doesn't land the next day. Sometimes it's in a week, a couple months, a year. Like, so making a practice of actually leaving that space of allowing the boredom of allowing your mind to wander of being with yourself, I think is inviting creativity in. It's like, Hey, I have space for you. I'm actually in a receptive state to receive you, an idea, a thought, an insight. Like if we are so consumed in all of this content out there and distracting ourselves, there's no room. We're not listening. We're consuming. We're consuming in a way that is mindless and not thoughtful. And I think it's just, it's training us out of being the innate creators that we are.

24:36I want to share a little bit of what I've found in my research for this episode. So there's psychological research that shows stepping away from a problem improves problem solving. I'm sure you have proof of this in your life where you just give it a beat. You you give it a day, you give it a couple hours. And it just, it feels like you can kind of see it more clearly. You can feel into the problem, you know, without so much mind power. And especially when that break, that time away is undemanding. So there's like no time demand on it. It's just like, I'm going to take a beat and I'm going to come back when I feel inspired to ready and the research also shows, which is fascinating, that mundane tasks like walking, like washing the dishes are prime creative incubators.

25:36And I've made this a practice for myself when I feel blocked. So recently over the last four months, um, I've been pouring into my new sub stack. It's called Momplex. And any time that I feel blocked or I'm like, what do I want to write about? Or I'm kind of feeling blocked on this topic that I'm writing about. And I just don't know what's next in this piece or a story I want to tell. And I will line up a few mundane tasks, like folding the laundry, doing dishes, maybe vacuuming. I'm not listening to anything. I'm not distracting myself with TV or my phone or whatever. I'm actually locked my phone away in a drawer.

26:23And I just, I set the intention. I just say, I'm going to use this time to clear my head, clear the space and allow the insight and the clarity to come in. So if you're ready, come on in. I am ready to receive you. I'm going to be fully immersed in this mundane task. And nine times out of 10, it comes in and it comes in clear. And I just think, wow, okay, what else is waiting for me out there? You know, like with all of the time that I feel I am distracting myself and stimulating myself, what am I missing? What am I blocking? Right? So not to shame, but just we might be blocking ideas and insights and blessings coming for us because we're too distracted to see them and receive them.

27:15These two points, these two psychological research points are true because your cognitive load is reduced, makes more space. You have increased associative thinking and you have less performance pressure. Pressure for me is a creativity killer. I don't know about you. So if I give myself enough time, enough space, enough blank space, I know that what I'm meant to express, what I'm meant to create will come in and will land. The challenge comes when I don't have enough time and I put the pressure on myself and I try to make myself think of the thing. And that's the problem. I'm making my brain do it.

28:05I'm making my brain try to think of the thing rather than really being open and receptive to the idea coming in and feeling it like both in my body, in my mind, in my heart. So again, just a reason to create that space, a reason to say yes to the boring thing, because there's, I think there are some untapped ideas and gifts waiting for us there. I also want to touch on this idea of attention residue that we can experience when we're constantly stimulated, constantly scrolling, where even, you know, long after scrolling, we feel the residue, you know, constantly swiping, going from account to account, story to story, reel to reel, TikTok to TikTok.

29:06Again, like we could be feeling so many things in a short period of time. We're not processing it. And that residue is in the brain, just kind of floating around. I had a day the other day where I saw a video that just like really disturbed me. It made me sad. and I couldn't figure out why I was like in a funk the second half of the day. And I realized when I was researching this episode, I was like, oh my God, that's what it was. It was residue in my brain. Like that was just kind of floating around and unprocessed and just there. So that was an eye opener for me. Um, I also just notice that the, the quick attention to things, like even just short, short periods of time where say I'm on my phone for three minutes, like I'm in between recording ads here at the studio on my phone.

30:13And then my attention to that for three minutes, even though I'm like focused on a longer task, it's just creating this fragmented thinking. I am not as focused. I am forgetting something. I am, I'm sure you can relate to just finding yourself on your phone. You don't even know why. And then you forget why you're even on your phone in the first place and you forget what you were doing and then forget what you had to do next. It is like one of, it's like my top five most annoying things about me right now where I'll be focused on one thing and then I'm like, oh shoot, I forgot to order this one thing.

30:53And then I'm on my phone to order it. But then I also get sidetracked because I see something suggested to me as I'm ordering it. And then I get locked in there and then I'm scrolling. Like it is crazy. It's crazy. So this fragmented thinking is something that I think is making us dumber. I will say it. I think we are becoming dumber in this way. And I just feel like we're fatigued. Our attention is constantly stimulated. Mundane moments without interruption allow attention to rest. It is time. It is time to allow it to rest. Imagine like your attention just running on a treadmill all day. You know, imagine the treadmill is the stimulation, is the podcast in the ear, is the scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, is the checking of the emails, is the, you know, watching your shows at night, is like, it's a lot and it must be tired.

31:54And I think that also adds to us becoming dumber because we're just like, I'm tired. My brain doesn't have the capacity, the energy to work optimally, you know, we're moving from brain health into nervous system regulation and whole body health. This matters a lot. You know, this matters a lot. I don't know if a lot of us are connecting our inability to be in these boring moments with our nervous system and with our health, but it is so, so, so connected. Chronic stimulation keeps us in a sympathetic activation. So this is your fight or flight state. There is always like this low grade vigilance.

32:45So you can imagine the number that does on your nervous system. It's just like, it's kind of like an electric fence that's like always on. And so how does that affect your relational interactions? How does that affect how you show up as a parent? How does that affect your creativity? How does that affect your motivation to go work out or do something nice for yourself or healthy for yourself? On the other end of the spectrum, those quiet, repetitive moments support a parasympathetic activation. So this is your rest and digest state. So healthy for you. So when you're like, I don't want to do the dishes.

33:25I don't want to fold the laundry. I don't want to. Let's reframe that. This is your time to rest and digest, to let your attention chill, to breathe, to be there. Let your mind wander. This is something you are doing for your whole body health. It absolutely matters.