837. If You Feel Lost in Your Career, Listen to This

24:58Oh, for sure. A little permission slip. So some of the, I think for women, there's a particular texture of this too. And we'll focus on women because that's mostly our audience, but women are being asked and required to do so much. You know, they want to have their jobs and then they want to have their side hustles to figure out what they actually want. So they're kind of spending so much time and energy trying different things. I guess what would you say to them? Like how could they – would you say the first step is, I guess, to find what they're good at or to find what their natural gifts are?

25:28I would say if you're feeling disconnected and you don't know what's next, before you – the worst thing you could do is grab for a plan, then grab for an identity because you are not in a high vibration if you're feeling lost. And I've never believed, you've heard me talk about vibration more than ever. Like I really believe in that and I'm seeing it everywhere. There's so many weird stories I haven't seen you yet to tell you about that. But what I would say is your first order of business is to reconnect to yourself. And that's the idea of U-turn, right? Come home to yourself. So what does that mean?

25:59That means make a list of people, places, things, friends that make you feel like you. you and I have such a long list of friends, Krista, but there's only so many that you're really you, like you're completely off. Yeah. I was actually talking about that to my therapist two weeks ago because Lindsay and I have done business together for 10 years. It's amazing. She's been there through everything. And I actually was having a really hard time post my last retreat. I've done retreats by myself before, but it was really hitting me that Lindsay has been there for every single moment to calibrate me.

26:35We leave an interview, we calibrate, we go do this thing, we calibrate, we have a conversation on the phone, we call each other right after. And so she was my home base recalibration point. And she was also what I would process with really quickly. Oh, that was kind of weird that they said that. What'd you think about this? How do you think I performed in this? And now I don't have that. And now I actually have to be on my own in like a real true way. And I'm realizing that, yeah, how lucky I was to have that calibration point. So I really love that point of having someone that kind of resets you and reminds you who you are in a really true way.

27:10Especially because not everybody actually does that. We have different friends for different reasons. And if anybody gets that, it's you. Like you have so many people that love you. I feel like as friends, it's also places. Like I've grown up in California. So to me, the sand on my feet, like going to the beach, it does something. Grab my journal, brings me home. I have my weird little quirks. Like, you know, I like my little poetry slam in town. I've been going since I was 16. So there's just like little things I do. And sometimes you need to be in that portal for like a month or two. So if you're feeling really cut off, don't grab from being cut off.

27:44Like get back into how you feel because when you're not feeling right, it's hard to make decisions from you. So just get back into feeling like you. That's your only job. And then when you're feeling like you, it feels good to feel good. You start to see where a yes is a yes and a no is a no versus when you're cut off and you're lost, it's really hard to even tune into that. Yeah. I think that's a great point. So for anyone listening, if you're feeling lost and like you want to make a move, calibrate back to your true essence or calibrate back to you before you do anything or else you'll be moving and creating energy from a place of feeling lost and confused and you'll be grabbing and reaching for the wrong things.

28:24Exactly. And I think that's also thinking about your nervous system state. You know, this can be mental, this can be spiritual, this can be emotional and it can be your body's state of that, um, stressed out, dysregulated state when you're never making good decisions from that place. So being able to really regulate your body, I love using nature with that too. So from the point of regulating your body and you're feeling good, you're feeling like you're connected to yourself. What would you do after that? I would say core values. Like I think a lot of people have misunderstandings. I'd be so keen to hear what you think about them because I'm sure you've thought a lot about them.

28:57Yeah. We have a lot in our book about them. I do have thoughts. Oh, fun. Yeah. I want to ask you about that on my podcast. I feel like here's my take on core values. Too many people are aspirational in their values. Too many people are like, okay, so for example, I had this lawyer when I was career coaching. Now I'm like full on running the agency that I have. But when I was career coaching full-time for like 12 years. This one lawyer stands out and I was like, oh, what are your values? And she said, peace. And I'm like, that's not, don't even talk to me about that. That's what you want. No, this is what people will say.

29:28They'll be like, what are your values? They'll be like family. It's like when literally was the last time you spent quality time with your family? Exactly. I was thinking about that too in relationships. Like we wrote a lot about values because it's good to crystallize your values and focus on what you truly desire. But I do completely agree with you. And I think in relationships too, I would find men would say values that they're actually not living. Exactly. And talk about values, defining your values. So I had one woman, I'm like, what do you value? She said adventure. I'm like, what's that mean?

29:58She's like trying new restaurants in Miami. And this other guy was like skydiving. I'm like, this is not a match. So people talk from values, but they don't talk from meaning spirituality. For some people, that means going to church every week. For some people, that means tarot card readings. Like let's start to define what those really mean, what those really look like. I think that most people have maybe like five non-negotiable. And I really see core values as the key ingredients by which you live your life. And I think that they are a filter for what's a yes or what's a no. And so when you're kind of in self-exploration, there's getting back to yourself, making the U-turn and feeling good again, being around that.

30:40And then there's saying, well, what do I value? So for example, I had a client in career coaching forever ago. He was a great words person like me, but he was an extrovert, which I was talking about energy levels. And by the way, energy levels aren't just introvert extrovert. I had Lyme disease for a long time, and I was really tired starting at like 1 p.m. every day. So I would work from like 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. every day for a long time. So energy levels isn't just about like your natural inclinations. It could be about some sort of physical situation you're dealing with. Obviously, I don't want anybody, kids, energy levels.

31:15But this guy, he was a words person like me, but he was an extrovert. So that can look like many things, right? That could be a talent agent, a real estate agent. It could be so many things. And this is where interests come in. I really see your interest as a backdrop. Your skillset is the foreground. Your skillset is how you're spending your heart, your mind, your energy all day. Your interest is the office you're sitting in, the concept you're standing behind, but it's not how you spend your time, right? We talked about that with being an influencer. So this guy, words was his thing. He was an extrovert.

31:45We put him in sales. He loved cars. He did auto sales, but it was for like an auto tech app. It was like the perfect job for him, except one of his core values, one of his top five was integrity. And he had to sell a product of theirs that he really thought was out of integrity. So this is where your values are kind of the stop gate for where you say yes or no to an opportunity. And your values are not about what the job is. What the job is, is about your core skillset. So if you're a words person, and I have a ton of core skillsets. And I mean, say a little prayer, if I can remember all 10 of them, but we can test me out.

32:24But that's your what of what you do, but your values are how you do it. And a lot of that has to do with how the job is set up, right? Like what are your hours? Who are your colleagues? Who runs the company? How does that leadership trickle down from the top? Stuff like that. Yeah. I think people, and maybe I was like this, I don't know, because I don't want to speak and say people, but I think people really underestimate how much time, energy, and attention their job and career is taking. Especially if it's not working. Exactly. Like that's majority of your time. Yeah. It's 90 ,000 hours. So it's two thirds of your time awake on the planet is your time at work.

33:12So it makes sense that people want it to feel good. Chances are, if you hate your job, you hate your life. 100%. I mean, how can you not? And so I understand if I understand like the deep pain, I think a lot of people are not just struggling with purpose. They're struggling with hopelessness because a lot of us have can do attitudes. We're like, tell us the solution and we'll go do it. And here's where the real problem is when I was talking about those three lily pads is let's say you don't know what's next. So maybe you're on the first lily pad and you're like, I'm fine. This is paying the bills, but I don't want to be here.

33:45And I want to swim over to the second lily pad, which is what made me write a whole book was like, let me put my whole body of work in here. That swim can take a while. And the problem is people don't want to do it. And if you really look at life, the flow of life is not answer, answer, answer, answer. It's question, answer, question, maybe another question, answer. And some years are questions. There's that Nathan Morris quote. He's like, there are years that ask questions and then there are years that answer. Such a good quote. So good. Yeah. And that's how it is, right? So I think people in the question years, they grab onto something because it makes them uncomfortable not to have things.

34:32That's why it's crucial as an entrepreneur that you save, that you financially plan. I was not somebody who did that for so many years. And now that's like all I'm working on doing because I understand the rhythm of life and I love myself enough to give myself that rhythm. Yeah. I feel like for a long time, money felt way more stressful than it needed to be. I stress so hard about money, especially when it came to banking and all the random fees you don't even realize you're paying. I feel like one day I woke up, I was like, wait, how was I charged$40 like eight times? What is happening? That's why I've really been into Chime.

35:07It's a smarter, fee-free way to bank that actually feels like it's built for real life, not old school banks charging overdraft and monthly fees just for existing. With Chime, you get paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and their MyPay feature lets you access up to$500 of your paycheck when you choose. That flexibility alone has helped me feel way more calm and in control around money. It's awesome. They also help you build credit history stress-free, and you can earn up to 3 % APY on savings, which is seven times higher than a traditional bank. Plus, they're rated five stars by USA Today for customer service.

35:42Real humans, available 24-7. And their new Chime card is such a shift. You can build credit with your own money and earn cash back at the same time. It's awesome. No annual fees, no interest, no strings attached, no anything. With qualifying direct deposits, you get 1.5 % cash back on eligible purchases. I use this and honestly, my younger self would have benefited so much from it. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash almost 30. That is chime.com slash almost 30.

36:18Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services, a secured Chime Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges$20 to$500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info. Advertised annual percentage yield with chime plus status only. Otherwise 1.00 % APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

36:38You know how in your 20s your body starts slowing down in ways you don't notice at first? Definitely started for me in like my late 20s, maybe early 30s. your joints feel a little stiffer, skin less plump, energy dips. Yeah. Okay. That's when I started paying attention to collagen. Paleo Valley's bone broth protein is made from 100 % grass-fed, grass-finished beef bones, slow simmered from small-scale regenerative farms. They do it right. I am obsessed. I'm like kind of holding myself back because I am so obsessed for their bone broth protein. I actually have it in my little cup over there. I love the chocolate.

37:16It is packed with collagen to support skin, hair, nails, gut health, and joints. Plus, it's clean. It can be unflavored if you want the unflavored and gently processed with no chemicals at all or additives. I love adding it to coffee, to smoothies, or just hot water like I do with my chocolate. It tastes like a creamy chocolate or vanilla milkshake without the sugar. It's so good. It's basically all the benefits of slow simmered bone broth in 30 seconds, giving you 13 to 15 grams of protein per serving to help you stay fuller and support metabolism. You can head to paleovalley.com slash almost 30 or use the code 830 at checkout for 15 % off your first purchase.

38:00Again, my favorite is the chocolate bone broth protein. I will make sure to put this with hot water. Sometimes I'll add like a little dash of milk, even though you don't really need it. They have like a really clean coconut powder in there that gives it that creaminess, but it is so delicious. I'm telling everyone about it. Again, that's paleovalley.com slash almost 30. The code is A30, A30 at checkout for 15 % off your purchase. I was in, I don't know what I was going to frame it as. I was talking to one of my psychic people. I just have like these sessions all the time. So I was talking to this woman and we were talking about the book process and I was just kind of, she was mentioning stuff about my next steps in career.

38:43I was like, oh, like, do you have a little more insight for that? And she's like, you have to go through this door and then the other door will open. And I was like, that is such a great thought of like, there's, you just need to be with what you're doing right now. And I'm not saying that if, and this is maybe specific to me, maybe specific to some of the audience of what you're working on. when you've built up something or you're focused on a project or something that's really meaningful that will be transformative for your life, staying with it and then seeing what else comes after that, the new timeline that's available after that is so powerful.

39:18And I think for so many of us, we're so far in the future. So like, you know, we're not even in the present of what we're doing to make it good enough where it like creates a better future. And I find myself doing that. And I think for entrepreneurs, it can make sense to be in the present moment with what they're creating because they're kind of in their own flow of like, I'm creating something now that feels true and resonant to me. For someone that's in the corporate world that feels unaligned and that feels like they want to go, what is the point where they should know they need to go? Yeah.

39:52I have a lot of answers about that. I mean, first of all, you talk about responsibility. Deepak Chopra defines that through the spiritual laws of success. He talks about responsibility is your ability to respond. And your ability to respond is tied to presence. You cannot respond very well if you are not present. And in order to respond well, you need to be able to be creative, which requires presence. And that's why I think when you can enjoy or be present in moments, you give the best response. You're not dysregulated. You're not somewhere else. and the future unfolds. I don't know if it was you.

40:26I was talking about how one of my coaches, I kept telling her, I keep seeing like visuals of me on stages in front of stadiums. And I was like, this makes no sense because I so enjoy having other people be on stages and not being the person on stage. And she was like, no, there's something to that vision. Like it doesn't make sense to me. Why do I keep seeing a version of me? I don't want to be. She goes, cause you're not the person that wants to be that yet, but the life you're building right now is becoming that person. And eventually that won't seem like something you don't want to do. But I'm like, yeah, I keep seeing flashes of it.

40:58Yeah. You have to be sculpted for something like that. I think that's what also people don't realize in career that I am starting to realize. I've had to realize I was someone that always wanted the next thing, always wanted the bigger thing, especially with the podcast, at the beginning, pitching really big guests to come on. A lot of them saying no at that point. And then realizing that I would not have been a good interviewer for that. I would have not been able to hold that type of energy. And we talk about vibration. I wasn't vibrating at a level to be in the space with people like that. And now that I'm at a level where I've been in spaces with very successful people, very influential people, there is a completely different vibratory state of these people.

41:39Like it's, it's actually fascinating and interesting and it's, it's crazy to be around. So knowing that you truly have to have the right frequency to hold the success that you're looking for. And this is why people, you know, will win the lottery and lose it all because they don't have the container. They don't have the structure to hold that type of success or money because they haven't been sculpted. So in the process of you figuring out the career, you're being sculpted to be able to hold the success and big bigness that you want. You know, it's funny when people say that and you don't get it, it's like, you just don't get it.

42:15There's so many things like that lately. Right. But you start to get it. That's what getting older is, right? No. Okay. That's that. That's what girl, the way that cliches are hitting lately. I know it's like, it all starts with you. I'm like, it literally does. I know what I mean? Like become the one I'm like, literally you have to. Yeah. I'm like, you're your own soulmate. I'm like, no facts. Yeah. Like every single cliche. I literally am I'm like, I want that tatted on me. Yeah, I know. It's crazy. It is crazy. Like there's some experiences I had in my twenties with business that like, you've seen me built this agency for speaking pretty fast.

42:49And I think in the first year we did a million dollars this year, we might do three. We're just growing pretty fast. And it's like, I, who cares about the revenue? It's like, it just wouldn't have been possible if I didn't like some shit up before. I really made a little mess in my 20s. And now I've had so many moments. I feel like I'm in the matrix where somebody's like, do you want to go this path or this path with your ads or whatever? I'm like, oh no, no, went that path. It was a cluster. And then I just gracefully scoot on over to the other way. Totally. And everything's moving so quickly.

43:23It's experience. We don't really like respect that at the same level when we're in our 20s. At least I didn't, but you asked me when it's time to stay or go. And, um, I would say your core skillset is the thing you should be carrying, sharpening like a knife and harnessing with you forever in your career. Um, you and I are very similar. That's why we vibe so, so well is because you're good at words like I am and you have the depth with the words. You're kind of medicinal with your words. You can make sense of things for people with your words. You and I are similar in that regard. Um, and with humor, there's an art to that.

44:01So, um, the thing I will say is that that will be your guiding light forever in your career. You're, Oh, if I look at your bank account, it's always going to tie back to words. If it's looking good. Yeah. Big fan. If it's not looking good, which knock on wood, like it's not words. So people need to say, am I sharpening, harnessing, improving, growing this skillset? What are some other skillset examples for people? Yeah. So numbers is a skillset. Um, Um, a service is a skillset, the helpers, the humanitarians coordination is a skillset crossing the T's dot in the eyes, the project managers. Um, oh my gosh.

44:39Like also services, customer service, customer support, just being a helper, um, technology like the IT whizzes. Um, I would say what else I'm going back in time, service words, numbers, technology, movement. movement. Um, actually like there's a lot of people who have a gift with movement and what that looks like is like people who are on their feet. It could be a fitness person. It could also be like a tour guide. It's people that like, that's actually a gift. Like not everybody wants to be out and about and doing in motion. So it's really motion. That's a skillset. Um, it's creativity one, like beauty is one you're on the same frequency as me.

45:16It's funny. Yeah. Beauty is one. And that is for the people that are making art of the world around them. So we all have different, we can have a secondary or tertiary one, but you really want to lead with that primary one. So beauty could be the makeup artist, like quite literal beauty. It could also be the musician, right? So it's people that are making art. That's their skillset. So it's really about just knowing how that looks for you. I'm trying to think what other ones there are. Something will pop up, but I go through 10 of them in the U-turn book and I will say that they don't, I can't house the entire workplace or workhorse in 10 boxes.

45:56But what I can say is most people I meet and I've worked with, we've had over 7 ,000 people in our courses. Like I've really, really seen most of them fit into those 10. And then it's first skill set. And where does, is the skill set something you also enjoy doing? I think the research really shows that if you're good at something, you enjoy it more because it's, it feels good to do good. But, um, I will say there are some things that people just love for the love of that. I would call it the zone of growth. Like if you love something, but it's not your gift, that's just like something you like to pour into.

46:31Uh, and, and that's actually a good point for somebody's work. I say, if you are in your core skillset, your primary one, 70 % of the time, cause let's manage expectations. The fact that people say they should love their work, I think that puts people in a really weird place. Yeah, that's true. You know, love your work. Like I really like my work, but like there's like 30 % like email glitches and all sorts of weird stuff I don't want to do. I read something recently that completely reframed how I think about aging and it has nothing to do with wrinkles or energy levels on the surface. Scientists just identified the first nutritional deficiency in 75 years.

47:13It's called cellular fragility syndrome. It's caused by low levels of an essential fatty acid called C15. And it turns out that this one nutrient plays a huge role in keeping ourselves strong and resilient. When C15 levels drop, our cells become fragile. They produce less energy, break down faster, and that can quietly show up as poor sleep, fatigue, and feeling like your body just isn't bouncing back the way it used to. That's why I've been paying attention to Fatty 15. It's a science-backed vegan supplement made with pure C15. And studies show it has broader cellular benefits than omega-3s. It supports long-term metabolic, liver, and heart health by actually helping repair and protect your cells.

47:55I've been taking it for about, I would say, almost a year now. And it's been incredible. I've noticed not only a difference in my skin health, I am getting older and I just feel like I am slowing the process just a little bit. I've noticed a big difference in my energy and just my bounce back rate. It's been great. Fatty 15 is on a mission to replenish your C15 levels and restore your long-term health. You can get 15 % off their 90-day starter kit at fatty15.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 at checkout. Again, that's fatty15.com slash almost 30. The code is almost 30 and you'll get 15 % off their 90 day starter kit.

48:38I never realized how many harmful chemicals were hiding in my old nonstick pans, Teflon, PFAS, all that stuff that can leach into your food and home. That's why I've been loving our place. Their cookware is toxin free, high performance, and honestly very beautiful. The four piece cookware set is such a game changer. I love it so much. I even display it on top of my stove top because it's just so pretty. It comes with two always pans and two perfect pots, which are coming in different sizes. It's great. They replace a whole pile of bulky cookware, letting you saute and sear, fry, roast, boil, basically everything, all in just four pieces.

49:17And I wanted to mention the Wonder Oven. It's an air fryer and toaster oven in one. It's sold out eight times for a reason. Cooking at home feels simpler, safer, and actually enjoyable. Stop cooking with toxic cookware and upgrade to Our Place today. I'm excited for you guys. Visit fromourplace.com slash almost 30 and use the code almost 30 for 10 % off site wide. With a hundred day risk-free trial, free shipping and returns, you can try it completely worry-free.

49:49Yeah. I'd say, yeah, I love, I'd say 70, 30. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because like sometimes you're just like annoyed. Sometimes like I'll just be like a week ago I had so many podcasts in a day and I was like, oh, and I was like, girl, you need, someone needs to hit you. Yeah. It's like, I'm so lucky. Yeah. Well, but that's actually a loophole in all of this is doing too much and being like pushing your burnout or anything. It's like, there's no 70, 30 equation to be had when you're exhausted and you just can't take another call. It has nothing to do with liking your work. I think that's the problem with a lot of people is they're overworked and then they don't like anything.

50:25I like shopping. I don't want to shop at 3 a.m. I don't want to be strapped to my desk shopping for nine hours a day. It's so funny what you said about the fashion thing. Cause I think that's something when you're younger, you're like, I like fashion and you like, but you don't understand you're going to be like measuring sizing, like in the data, in the computer, working on fit models, like working with textures, patterns, like there's so many different layers to things that people don't actually see. It's so true. So what do you think about side hustles? I think they're really important. And I think you were kind of asking me about that person who is thinking about leaving their job.

51:02And I know I answered on like, if they should stay or go, like if they're still sharpening it or not. But there's this whole body of work and I'm trying to recall who invented it. I think it was a professor in the UK, PhD. It's called job crafting and it's like how to turn a bland job into like a grand job. And it's about really asking yourself, like if you're not in your core skillset and you discover what that is, and there's so many career coaches and books you could read and things you could do to discover it. Meditation is huge to find yourself. And I always tell people like write down a journal of every day, like where you feel like you used like a gift or move the needle the most in work.

51:39After like 30 days, you'll start to see a trend of like, what skill are you using beneath that? But job crafting is really saying, what skillset do I want to be using more of? And can I propose a project to my boss of me doing more of that so that I turn my resume into what I want it to be, not just what they've decided it's going to be. So there's a lot of opportunity to do that. And I think side hustles are another form of that. Even volunteering is a form of that. You can use volunteering to job craft and put that on your resume. You can also take courses. For example, in LA, UCLA Extension, it doesn't cost a lot of money.

52:17If you take five courses at UCLA Extension, you're actually starting to brand yourself on your resume. Thing that you went to UCLA and you studied this, this, this, this, this. And that's a exception that I would tell people, put your education back at the top of your resume because it's showing people where you're at right now. So there's a lot of things you could do to craft, but I would say side hustles are huge. The problem with them depends what you're going for, what motivates you. Everybody's motivated by different things. And I think that's totally okay. some people are actually motivated by money because you know, spiritual people like you or me are like spiritual people.

52:50We're like, Oh money, there's something behind it. No, like some people it's enough for them. And that's amazing. So you have to just know what you're in the game for. Um, I would say I'm in the game for vibes. I'm in the game for the vibes. I mean, girl, your vibes cost a dollar or two. I've seen those vibes. I'm just here for the vibes. You got some pretty ass vibes. I've seen it. But I would say, you know, if you're motivated by money, then I would say to anybody listening, well, everybody has a skill they can monetize, even your language skills, right? Like there are markets that need an English speaker that teaches them English.

53:28So everybody has a skill set they can monetize. You can put yourself on Upwork as a language instructor, Craigslist, like literally you can. But I would say, side hustles for the artist are kind of a, the artist archetype, somebody who are very tender because you don't want to make your art, your work, unless you've really thought about that. And I would encourage anybody who's doing that to see it as an experiment and really see anything as an experiment. Like people are way too heavy about their careers. Like, should I take this job or not? I'm like, well, move to, you know, I had a client in LA actually.

54:09And she, she got a job offer in Australia. This is a huge move. And I'd let go of my job and go there. I said, okay, let's play this out. You take the job. You don't like it. What happens? Well, then I'm in Australia for like a year and I'm like, okay, what's that going to be like? Well, I'm going to meet people and single, and this is going to happen. I'm like, sounds pretty cool. And then you just don't like your job. Then what? She's like, I come home. I'm like, great. Like, can you afford to like be without a job for a few months, find a new job? Yeah. I'm like, do you love your job you have now?

54:35No, great. So you're letting go of a job you don't really like. You're trying something out. And then you come. And the thing is, is, okay, people who don't understand brand or how to brand themselves, they can easily turn their resume into a graveyard of trial and error where it just looks like a cluster in there. But great communicators, great resume writers can take the thread of your past and they can make it make sense for the future. And so much of career crafting is about how you talk about things, not what's actually happened. Like when I worked in national security, which is like a weird thing we haven't talked about, I remember thinking to myself, well, I want to work in communications.

55:20Like I'm not even meant for this path. You're like smiling at me. It's so good. She's not. No, she ain't. She's not. He ain't a spy. I looked at my career and I'm like, all right, 90 % of my time has been national security stuff. 10 % has been writing. Let me tune into that 10%. And I always tell people on your resume, you really shouldn't have more than six or seven bullets under each thing because it just gets busy. And there's a lot of research that shows how recruiters eyes work and what they look at. So six bullets usually is the top. And your first bullet point is the most important that you put because that's where their eyes go on heat maps.

55:58And so my first and second bullet were about the writing I did, even though 90 % of my job was about other stuff. Because you wanted the job with writing. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. With the girl in Australia too, it makes me think about, and I noticed this a lot in coaching, it's like... removing yourself from the drama and the story to allow the possibility because what will happen in that case where you're like, cool, okay, you move. So you don't get the job, what you're there for three months. Great. You meet people, all these things. And then it's like, that's the truth of like a possibility of a timeline.

56:33And the other possibility could you get the job, you love it. You meet your husband, like, you know what I mean? It could be like the best timeline ever. And I think we spend so much time in, okay, I'm going to move. And then, you know, I'm going to, it's like in the negatives of it with the negativity bias. And then the stories get added on. Well, you know, I could do this and the fear just keeps people from doing things. But if you can stay in like the neutrality of situations and keep out of the drama in the story, there's so much more room for potential and for good things to happen. And for you to make moves that are more aligned to your soul or to what you're moving towards rather than hold yourself back.

57:09Because I think mindset, would you, or would you say if this is true, I think mindset holds people back the most. Yeah. I mean, that's why when I was in career coaching, I went to grad school for psychology because I was like, this entire career thing is just a matter of self-worth. And the amount of imposter syndrome, even now, like we're helping so many people, like not just craft their signature talk, whether it's for Ted or for anything, and then get them booked on all these stages. There are some people coming in that I'm like, I can't believe you have imposter syndrome about this. I would never expect that from you.

57:38Some of them are like actors I grew up watching on TV. And I'm like, why do you have imposter syndrome? I didn't see that coming. And so So no, it's like every new version of ourselves we're becoming requires new stuff. How many things have we done in business that at one point was the worst, hardest, scariest thing? And now it feels like flossing our tooth. Like it's literally nothing. Totally. And I don't know why flossing my tooth came up, but like, you know, it's just, it's aimless. And so I think that your career, if you really want to play big, you really want to make art out of your life, you're going to be uncomfortable over and over and over again.

58:15I think it was Dan Sullivan that said fear is false evidence appearing real? Well, I love that one. I heard fear is wetting your pants. Courage is doing what you're supposed to do with wet pants. I was like, where are we going? Where are you going? Yeah. Okay. So wetting your pants, fear is wetting your pants because you're scared. Courage is just doing it anyway. With wet pants. Okay. So it's like, do it fear. This is what I say. I think this might be a famous quote from somewhere else, but let's like fear, feel the fear, do it anyway. Yeah. It's like with one of my coaching clients, there was this, and this is far gone by this point, but she was having this situation with her friends and wanted to say no to a trip they had been planning.

58:56She no longer feels aligned with these friends. It was alarm bells in her body to say no. And to be like, I don't want to go anymore. I mean, we worked on this for a week, dog. Just like regulating, getting ready to like say no to the friends. She has this text that we go through back and sends it. They're like, sounds good. No worries. Don't care at all. I'm just like, dude, like the fear that we have. The mental gymnastics we do. All I do all day is I think I'm in psychology mode all day. Everything is about mindset. I know. Everything is about your perception. Everything is about the reality you create in your mind.

59:30Well, yeah. And somebody's out there doing what you want to do and then there's nothing different about you or them. Sometimes they have less qualifications than you and they're just at it. And it's all fear, right? And there's so much I do that scares me. But the thing that happens is that you start to show yourself over and over again. There's this weird story my mom always reminds me of. I went to grad school in London, as you know, and I was in the Department of War Studies at King's College. It was like kind of a serious place. And I took an internship and it was for the law firm that represented Princess Diana.

1:00:02Wow. And it was my first day and I was thinking about being a lawyer, but I was getting my grad degree in war studies. And I get there and she was like, hey, we're doing, it was like a human rights law thing. It's like, we need you to read all of this by Friday. And I was like, a new intern. This book was bigger than the Bible. It was so thick. And they're like, we need you to know all of this by Friday because we're going to do an event and we need you to be the point person for the event. So it was like planning an event and knowing all this information for an event. And it was like Monday and it was my first day.

1:00:32And I called my mom crying, like, how am I going to get this down? And it was actually for this woman. I haven't thought about this one forever, ever, but her name was Robin Smalley, who was coming into the firm. And she has a NGO called mothers to mothers. And it helps, it helped like eradicate part of AIDS in Africa. Like this woman is incredible. And she, I remember we became like, she mentored me after cause she saw what a good job I did. I absorbed the whole book. I locked myself up and in the British library. My mom to this day, I'm like almost 40. And my mom is like, remember the Princess Diana internship?

1:01:05Remember that book? And it like reminds me to this day when I say yes to something. I'm like, I was 22, kind of dumb. And I absorbed a crazy book. I wasn't like, I wasn't the brightest. I was just the hardest working. Yeah. And the most like committed. And I think also not allowing distractions. Yeah. I think this is another thing. And I do this too. it's how are you spending your time really yeah this is my whole thing it's really hard to spend your time well because it's you hate your job dog okay you're g chatting your friends all day and shopping and oh my god g chat do you remember that maybe that i'm like is that age me no yeah you're like on tiktok whatever yeah and it's like if you actually hate your job taking an hour a day to look or think about doing something else yeah or explore like it's easy to numb out when you hate your job or doing what you're doing but the more you can really focus your time and even just focusing on making your life better and making yourself happy in the current life you're in will really support you in that.

1:02:04I want to talk about four people that want to figure out sort of like their story of who they are. So kind of shifting gears a little bit. I love your storytelling. I love how you teach storytelling. And I actually think it's such a powerful thing for people to know if they're dating their story, for people to know at any job interview, for people to know when they're meeting people or they're networking. Like what is your story? And it's funny because me, even as doing what I do, I've noticed that I could have a more succinct, clear story about who I am. And I think for many people, we're not asked to craft a story about our lives, but it's short changes who we are in a really beautiful way.

1:02:48So can you talk about the importance of storytelling and why people should know their story? Yeah. It's almost like there's two different types of story I look at. And the first and probably the most important one for day-to-day life is your elevator pitch. And the question, tell me about yourself comes in many costumes, right? So it could sound like, what brought you here? Why are you applying for this job? How do you know Krista? Like whatever. Number two is I came up with a formula that I used to put in my courses all the time, which was story, cuff, skill, goal. So I'll unpack most of these really quick, but your story, there's two approaches to it.

1:03:23There's your childhood or there's a defining moment. That's usually what defines your story and your career at least. Right. And tell me about yourself is probably the most asked question in job interviews, networking conversations, life. It's probably the most botched because it's so tantalizingly obvious that people don't really think about it. Like you were saying. So I actually hate that question. I know. I know it is kind of cringe, but people are asking it to you anyway, just differently. And you're saying the same answer. So I would say, look at your career right now. Like you do podcasting.

1:03:54I have a speaking agency for, you know, Ted talks, whatever. Um, if I look back at my whole life, I would look at who was I that showed a hint that I was going to be this person later. So when I was a kid, I always, my, my sister used to make fun of me. Cause like my friends were like the UN, I always was like the DEI girl on the playground. Like I had like friends from every nationality and I just loved like worldly people. And, um, so it kind of made sense that I ended up trying government for a while, you know, like, but I always loved it. Cause I think everybody had different stories, different families, different interests.

1:04:32I loved people. Um, and I was, I was good at being a friend. I had a lot of friends and I held friends very highly. My mom used to be like, Oh, you were so sensitive about all your friends and your birthday parties and da, da, da, da. And so I always was showing communication and people. And I mean, there's so many ways. That's kind of a foggy thread. There's a thousand ways I can draw the thread. For you podcasting, there's a lot of communication, but there's depth, right? Like I remember when I was seven, I used to look in the mirror and I would put my hands on my face and be like, who are you?

1:05:02Can't even recognize my body. And so like the depth, it makes total sense now that I'm surrounded by friends like you, who we just have a lot of depth. We can literally swim in it. So I don't, it's so funny with the depth because I've had so many people reflect that back to me. And I honest to God, I don't, it's so, it's so me. I don't know. I wish I could spend a day in someone's life that wasn't deep because I don't know what, I don't even know that I'm doing it. I don't even know what they're doing. I don't know how to be. I don't know. I I'm like emotional. Cause I'm like, I don't even know what I'm doing.

1:05:36Yeah. That's so deep. Yeah. I don't, everyone, like I was like a guy that I was talking to recently was saying that he was like, you know, we just so deep and so deep. I'm like, what are you talking about? I was like, that was baby pool, bro. Like I like don't even, no kiddie pool. I was like, no, we were in the shallow end. I know. Bless us. Sometimes when we date, we hang out in the kiddie pool. And it's not like, I'm like, tell me about your dad. Like, I mean, maybe we are. I'm not like, I don't ask questions about family. Like I'm just like, Like, I don't even know, man. Anyways. You probably ask peripheral questions.

1:06:07I also think humor is disarming. Yeah, that's true. And it makes people's nervous system regulate. And then they start to relax and actually have more. I was always performing. Not performing. I was always doing little comedy stuff and pranks. Yeah, exactly. And I was always like a little deep feeler. I told you about my pranks, how I used to prank call the Olive Garden when I was a kid. Me and my best friend, we'd prank call so many people that we would call them and they'd say, Caitlin and Krista, we know it's you. I used to pretend I was my grandma. You did? Yeah. because she was this like amazing Jewish woman and I would call and I'd be like, is this the Olive Garden?

1:06:40Oh my God. And they have the best customer service. They never hang up. It's like Chick-fil-A. Yeah, but sometimes they would realize it's a prank call and they were trained so well to not hang up that they would just start laughing. I'd be like, are you telling me you have unlimited breadsticks? I can have as many as I want. I applied for a job at the Olive Garden and didn't get it. I mean, okay, so that's a great topic because I remember when I was - Is it? I remember literally filling out the application. It was like the one in Ohio. And I was like, I hope I get this job. Girl, you're so real.

1:07:12Your roots are like - Girl, the roots are deep. And then you know where I got the job? Outback Steakhouse. Okay, okay. I worked at Outback Steakhouse for two years, baby. That's because they got more demand for that in the Midwest. Oh, shit. And it was when they had smoking in part of the sections. Oh, my God. So in the bar section, there was smoking. I've never seen so many morbidly obese people in my life, bro. Oh, no. And then so many, because it's Ohio, and it was right outside of an amusement park, a water park. Oh, no. So people would come for like engagements, but they'd also come post-water park.

1:07:40Wait, I'm saying oh, no, but I love a water park to this day. You're so lucky I haven't dragged you. You wouldn't go, but I would beg you. The water park would turn into a club at night. This is sounding better. So I'd be like, oh, we'd like, and 15-year-olds could go. So you could go as a 15-year-old. We'd go to the 15-year-old like water park club. I picture it playing Sandstorm. I'm like, it was like, and I remember I like one time I went and I braided all of my hair, but in like dreads. And I was like, I thought I was like a mermaid with like these dreads at the like water park club. And my parents had to draw me off and pick me up.

1:08:15We would have totally been friends way back too. Oh, it was so clear. I was so, I was a, I don't know what I was, but I loved her. I love how we started with elevator pitch. We ended with the olive garden and a nightclub in water park. And my very first job though was working at a nursing home. I was 13 years old. That's crazy because you're doing, you're going through so much with your dad and like helping him with his health. That's true. I think, I think I lied about my age because I wanted, it paid$8 an hour and other jobs were paying five at that time in Ohio. So I lied and said I was 14.

1:08:47I only worked there for a few months though. Cause it was rough dog. I was in the back kitchen working with this man, Mr. Penny, Mr. Penny. Yeah. He was this like black dude with a fro and we would just be in the back cleaning dishes. Love him. And every day like they would have their menus and there would always be these certain old people that would come knock on the door and be like, Mr. Penny, what's on the menu? And he'd be like, we got this today. And for some people we had to puree their food. So we'd be like, all right, Mrs. Letzker, she needs everything pureed. So I'd have to take all the chicken and puree it.

1:09:20It was so nasty. Wow. You had an interesting. Do you know we're kind of alike too, because my first job was at preschool and I worked at, I helped the chef for the little kids. Stop. Yeah. That would be so fun. But do you know what? This kind of goes back to the beginning of our conversation about core skillset, because I would always find typos in the preschool's brochures. Wow. And I would go up to the front desk and be like, Hey, you guys have typo. And they used to call me Eagle Eye. And then eventually I made my way to the front desk doing writing for them. Oh, wow. You got promoted. I got promoted from the kitchen as the sous chef for the kids.

1:09:50And you know, so, but that's the truth is that your core skillset is usually a gift you've had your whole life. Totally.

1:09:58Revolve is honestly my go-to for everything. I'm wearing all Revolve today. We can go through it in a minute. Everyday outfits, date nights, weddings, even those I want to feel more put together days, I go to Revolve. Now that 2026 is officially here, I've been doing a little wardrobe reset and Revolve makes it super easy. I love their curated edits and the recommended for you section. It actually helps me find pieces that fit my vibe without endless scrolling. I don't like to be on there forever. And I've been loving brands like Lovers and Friends, A. Goldie, and Amanda Uprichard lately. And everything just feels like very high quality and effortless.

1:10:36I'm obsessed. So between inclusive sizing, new arrivals daily, and fast two-day shipping, it's the best with easy returns. it's truly a no-brainer. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out, or just a much-needed wardrobe refresh, your dream wardrobe is just one click away. I hope you're watching on YouTube. You will see my full Revolve look. The theme is brown. We have an incredible sweater, these swishy pants, and some Nike. Are these, these are dunks? They're cool, right? They're Brown. I love them. Head to revolve.com slash a30pod, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with code A30POD, A30POD.

1:11:18Fast two day shipping, easy returns, the easiest of all time. It's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com slash a30pod to shop our favorites and get 15 % off your first order with code A30POD. Offer available for a limited time. So happy, happy shopping.

1:11:40Lately, I've been craving more simplicity, not just in my life, but in my nutrition too. It's really easy to feel disconnected when your cabinet is full of random powders and supplements and you're constantly questioning the labels, but that's why I really love cachava. It helps me simplify and feel more nourished without overthinking it. It's an all-in-one plant-based nutrition shake made with really high quality ingredients. There's no fillers, no artificial flavors or sweeteners, and it actually tastes amazing. Just two scoops will give you 25 grams of protein, fiber, greens, adaptogens, and nutrients that support energy, digestion, strength, and focus.

1:12:2025 grams of protein is no joke. So I usually blend mine with like a frozen banana and I'll add like a nut milk. I'll, you know, just add kind of my go-to favorite, like different fruits and stuff, but I can keep it simple and it still tastes amazing. Like the other day, I mixed the mint chocolate flavor shake with a nut milk and ice. And I just shook it up and it was chef's kiss. It's just rich. It tastes so good. It doesn't taste fake like other powders. They've done it right. So rewild your nutrition at cachava.com and use code ALMOST30. New customers get$20 off an order of two bags or more now through the 31st.

1:12:59That's cachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com. The code is almost 30.

1:13:09Because especially with the podcast, this is where I think about Dharma too, because communication is my skillset, but Dharma is sometimes something that was really painful for you or something that was like a part of how you grew up that's so innately in you. That's a part of my soul frequency and then my human experience that allows you to be in what you do. So that's being curious, asking questions. Intuition. Intuition. like sometimes channeling, you know, things it's like being super present in the moment. It's attunement, you know, it's reading energy. It's just, it's so many. And it's just like my brain, like just being in the little library of my brain and whatever's going on.

1:13:45So I'm grateful that I was able to find that out. But I think what's such a disservice to kids in college and even kids in high school and just anyone is that I don't think many of us, and I'm curious your thoughts were really taught or understood what we were good at naturally. I remember applying for my first jobs in college and not even knowing what I was good at. I had no understanding of what I was good at. Well, that's what's such a mess about being young. As we're put in college, we spend hundreds of thousands sometimes in loans and we're expected to pick a major, which last I checked only 27 % of people.

1:14:27And I mean, I'm sure this stat has moved are working in a job that's at all relevant for what they majored in. But we do feel this pressure. Like, what do you want to do with your life? And it's like, well, how are we supposed to know that? And I think a lot of people overthink what they do. Anyway, back to you. Yeah. My, I was in communications, mass communications. Isn't that funny? And sociology. And my internships were at the local news station in the sports department. I mean, you're kind of, you're a babe. Like you can I wanted to be Aaron Andrus. Oh my God. And then they're like, oh, did you know this about sports?

1:14:56And I was like, what? What? I was like, I need to know sports stats. I know that's hard. And I was like, I'm good on all that. But I agree too with college. It's kind of a funny place because it's kind of like a holding place in life to keep you. But what would be some tools and ways in which people can understand? So the U-turn is that. It's like understanding who they are, what they're naturally good at. I'll say some and then I'd love to hear your thoughts too. I do think astrology and human design can be helpful. Yeah. I think those type of spiritual tools can be helpful to understand from a spiritual perspective, your soul's blueprint.

1:15:27I don't think you should live your life and walk around being like, I'm a Pisces and this is what Pisces people do. Like you don't need to make it your whole identity, but use it with curiosity to really understand yourself and see what resonates. I also think, um, if you have healthy relationships and this probably is for someone that's older, that has friends and relationships with people that have good communication skills, asking your friends what they see that you're naturally good at. Like asking them to reflect back to you. Where do you see me excelling? What do you see me naturally good at?

1:15:56Like, how do you perceive me? Cause then you can also kind of use a little bit of their understanding of you to see maybe what you're missing and to see what you want to double click on. And I say that because I think my romantic relationships, um, you know, I've had really significant romantic relationships in my life. And I think those men have really helped me to like sculpt, sculpt me as a person. And then also what I'm good at and like really like my humor, my whatever. And so the relationships that you have in your life will hopefully see you for what you're good at and maybe what you're missing.

1:16:27Yeah. Well, we've also seen, you know, like we have our friend who was married to a DJ and, or a music guy and now she makes music. So I think the people in your life like help bring out things or you're drawn to people in your life because you want to develop something. But I love what you're saying. I think the caveat I would give there around asking people where you're your best, because that's a great question and it's research back to say, where have you seen me at my best? I think the thing that's important is to think about who you're asking. So people who have actually seen you. So in the workplace, asking somebody who is well-suited to let you know where you're at your best.

1:17:02I think about my head of operations and there's certain things she does that I'm like, oh, she's the best at this. And I actually wonder if she knows that. I should tell her. And so I think your parents aren't interesting. Like sometimes people's parents don't get them, but they do have an idea of where you're great. I actually am going to call them. Let's call my mom, put her on speaker after this. We should just open up this entire episode with that. Oh, I actually would love to do that. She'd be like, but then we prank call the olive garden. This is what she'll say. She'd be like, I don't know where she came from.

1:17:31Oh my gosh. That's my mom. She's like, you know what? I don't even know. I don't even know where she came from. Girl, you would have died the other morning. I was sitting with my mom and I was reading my little spiritual book in the morning and she just kind of like the seven laws of spiritual success. You know me in my book. Yeah. So I'm reading like my five pages a morning with my coffee and she's like, what are you reading? But that, what that really means is she wants me to pay attention to her, which I love her for that. So I was like, I'll read this. I'm like, do you want me to read it to you?

1:17:53And you know, when you kind of like take a bite out of the cookie where you're like, I hope that they can get me right now, but it's just going to be a lot of calories. Like they didn't get you. so like i was like maybe she's gonna resonate with this book i'm like and i knew like i love my mom she's such a good person and like this is not her thing so i'm like do i'm gonna read you a few pages i'm just reading a few pages she's like okay i start reading it and it's like deepak chopra stuff page two she looks i can feel her face changing oh yeah i'm like mom okay she goes this is a lot. This is just a lot.

1:18:31And I go, okay, we can stop. She made it to page two. It's the word. It's the words are too much. You know, what's funny about that? Just kind of, this is a random thought, but speaking of vibrational frequency, some spiritual texts and some things just have a vibrational frequency that can't even be received by people. Yeah. Even like some spiritual texts or some things do not resonate with me at a certain time. Like A Course in Miracles, I tried to read years ago and now is like my number one. And I didn't understand. I didn't connect with it. And now I'm like, oh my gosh. There's certain things and jobs and books and lessons that just really come to you when - It's time.

1:19:12When you're ready and it's time. Yeah. For me, that book was Women Who Run With Wolves. Have you read that book? Oh, girl, what do you mean? It's up by my altar. I read a piece every day. Literally not, there's no fat. It's all protein. Girl, girl, every sentence could be its own book. I see that all the time. I'm like, who was this woman? I'll read this much. And I'm like, I need a month. That's how I feel. That's my number one goal is to be a voice in a Pixar movie. A number two goal would be to write a book that is as prolific as that. That just stands the mother effing test of time. I don't even know who, what, where.

1:19:45She's very Jungian. So it's all Jungian, like archetypal, like stuff that I think she just brings in. So I mean, it's – and all through storytelling, you're like – Yeah, she's something – you know, she does workshops and they sell out so fast that – Writing workshops. I can't even get in. I had a friend that got into one and it was about – she had to reenact one of her dreams and like dress up as a little girl and go on stage in front of everybody. This was Jessica. Oh my God, I'm obsessed. Yeah, it was just like a full-on experience. Wait, I love that. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we kind of talked about people.

1:20:17Elevator pitch. Elevator pitch. I have so much more I could say about that. Okay, cool. So elevator pitch and then what's the longer storytelling? Okay. So well, to close out elevator pitch for anybody, if somebody says, tell me about yourself, you really need to know if your career right now and the moment you're in comes from your upbringing, or if it comes from a defining moment, maybe there's a moment in your life that changed everything and it skyrocketed you into the person you're going to become, into the skillset you're using this way now. So it could be like, when I was little, I was always interviewing everyone.

1:20:45It was my obsession. I've always been curious. So now I'm podcasting. Yeah. Like I always asked why, and it kind of annoyed my mom, whatever. Or like, maybe you were an IT nerd right now. And you're like, I was breaking apart computers, put them back together. Like whatever it is, that's your childhood approach. The other approach is like when I was at the Pentagon and I looked around and there were no women in the room. And then I realized I want to be a career coach for women. I want to help them get in the room. right so that's a defining moment approach so if somebody says tell me about yourself that's what i could do for pentagon me right but and women are like we don't want to be in that room yeah i know they're like well there's a reason everything happens i want to make content it's like it's not a nice room there's not a lot of windows in the pentagon i'm like i'm good on that room yeah yeah yeah and yeah it's there's not a lot of light in there um spiritually and literally.

1:21:33But as far as the other type of storytelling, one of the most important exercises I've give clients, and we have it on our intake form, whether they have us writing their keynote with them, for them, helping them craft their TED Talk, helping them get on stage, whatever it is, is go back in time to 10 moments in your life, 10 conversations, 10 things you've seen from when you were a kid to now, all the way back in time, magic school bus, and give me 10 moments that have changed the way you see the world or the way you think about yourself, about life, whatever. And the problem is that people, if they're not asked the question properly, they just grab for typical things like my graduation day.

1:22:17No, like I'm talking about the woman that sat next to you on the airplane that day. And like, she wore this pair of shoes and then you bought them and then you got all these compliments and then you became into like really putting yourself together in fashion and your whole vibration changed and everybody always commented on your wardrobe and you think opportunities came to you because the way you put yourself together like the little moments that made you who you are it sounds so small and trivial but it's not huge I think about when I was 12 my dad couldn't afford a birthday present for me and he gave me luggage for my birthday and I had a tantrum and it was the first time I saw my dad stressed about money.

1:22:54And it was when I learned what money was. And he said, I can't afford a gift for you. And he broke down crying. And I was like 10. So I think about, I used to volunteer at a camp for cancer patients, Camp Ronald McDonald for good times. I think about a little girl. She caught me in the forest. I was crying because I'd broken up with my boyfriend from high school. I was with for five years. She caught me crying. I was embarrassed because I'm like this counselor for these kids who have cancer. Last thing they need is the crying counselor about a boyfriend. I'm like, oh no, you caught me crying. And she goes, well, why is that a bad thing?

1:23:24And she's like 10. I'm like, well, I'm your counselor. I'm supposed to be here for you. And she's like, well, my heart is this big and your heart is this big. And when they hurt, they hurt. So the thing is we all have moments that like help us land into life. And it's those moments. You know, my Ted talk opens up with my dad getting that phone call that I was kidnapped And by the way, I want to point that out. That wasn't even my story. That was his story. You can open up a speech with somebody else's story, right? Great storytellers don't need your own stories. So looking at those 10 moments from your life gives you what a lot of high-paid speakers would call bits and bobs, like little pieces and stories that you could pull off the shelf.

1:24:10But one of the most powerful things when you're a speaker is how you open up a talk. and that's where people in the first 60 seconds are deciding if they want to dip back into their iPhone or stay with you, right? And the thing about opening stories is that they're kind of like top hats. You can swap them out. If you're giving a talk about confidence, an early speaker that isn't seasoned at writing with no judgment, I say, they're going to think I need to open up about a moment that I didn't have confidence or they have to keep the topic tied to how they open up their talk. The truth is great speech writers, which, you know, speech writers on my team have written shows like Grey's Anatomy, so they know how to write.

1:24:50They can thread anything. If you watch my TED talk from 2019 called How to Figure Out What You Really Want, you see me open up a talk about purpose. And I talk about my dad getting a call that was kidnapped. What does that have to do with purpose? If you watch the talk, you're going to see that I thread that story about my dad into purpose. I made it make sense. How did you do that for anyone that hasn't seen it? So the short of it is that he got a scam phone call from somebody saying I was kidnapped and he almost wired his entire life savings to them. And he was so panicked and he was trying to get a hold of me and finally got a hold of me before he wired all of his money.

1:25:30He was on the phone with them and there's a screaming girl on the phone sounding like it was me and they were saying, we have your daughter. So it was like literally driving to the bank and my mom was like calling the police and, and they were trying to get ahold of me. I was at Soho House where you can't answer the phone. And I kept seeing calls. I'm like, why are they so needy right now? Which is so lame of me. And I get a text. This is the police. Are you okay? Um, your father is, you know, I don't even know what it said. And I said, yeah, I'm totally fine. I called my dad right before he wired the funds.

1:26:02And he said, is it you? That's me. And somebody really scammed him so deeply. He thought that somebody had me. And this is very common scam, which my TED talk after it going more viral, like so many people have reached out to me and been like, that scam happened to me. And because of your TED talk, I didn't fall for it. I'm like, that's insane. Unexpected effect of this talk. But I came home that night and I remember feeling compassion for the people who did that to my dad. And my dad's like 81 now. Like it's like that takes years off of somebody's life. Like he was in tears, you know? And my sister has passed away.

1:26:39I had a sister passed away in 2018. So like I'm his only daughter left. Like this guy cannot handle this. Like, and I remember thinking like, why do I feel so compassionate for these people? And I thought, well, we all like, why would somebody choose a career path like that? And I realized like we all choose career paths we don't want to do because we think it's going to help us get by in the world. And that was how I tied the kidnapping story into a career talk. That's a good one. But if you think hard enough, everything has a tie. Yeah. You know, like give me like a weird topic, the ring you're wearing.

1:27:19And I could be like, oh, well, that ring probably makes you feel a certain way and how you feel really has a big role in how you present on your podcast. Right? Like there's just so much we could pull out of everything. And so a good speech writer knows how to make a story make sense. And so your job when you're giving a talk is not to say, I'm giving a talk about confidence. So what's a story I have about confidence. Instead, it's to pick one of two paths. One path I call the quick win. That's like the crazy story, like my dad's kidnapping one. That is a surprising story. The other one is relatable.

1:27:53And the problem is that if I say, come up with a relatable story, Nobody knows what to say, you know, but Martin Scorsese has one of my favorite quotes of all time. And it's what's most personal is the most creative. And I love that quote because if you can think about some of those personal things that have happened to you, like intimate moments from your life, usually sharing that is such a creative and relatable story for people. Think about that with, I was actually thinking about that recently with storytelling. Cause with the book, we've done media training and just like, I just did media training.

1:28:27Cause I just love that kind of stuff. I just, it's, it's like psychology communication voice. It's just fascinating. So in it, we're talking about like story. And I was thinking about Glennon Doyle and Brene Brown and you know, their stories that they tell are so simple. Yeah. And it's also, you know, in 48 laws of power, it talks about how it's an actually an act of power to tell someone something that makes them feel close to you, but you're actually not telling them anything at all. So an example in Untamed, Glennon Doyle is talking about how Abby was on the couch resting and not working. And it was making Glennon pissed because she wanted to be resting and working.

1:29:07So we all know that kind of situation, circumstance, you're with a partner, they're annoying you. But it's really they're annoying you because they're doing the thing you want to do where they're like a reflection of you. Exactly. It brings you to the time and place. It makes you feel intimate because you're in the house. but it's actually like a very simple story and example that oftentimes many people would overlook, but she was like smart enough to pull it up and be like, this was impactful. And this is something that's so simple and even a simple awareness, but it's so profound, you know, to lead.

1:29:36So I think for me and storytelling and sort of the way we've been going about it with the book is like, sometimes the most simple stories are the most powerful and the most relatable. Yeah. I think about a client of mine, we helped her, um, book her Ted talk and she came in and she was like, I don't even have any crazy stories. I'm like, not a requirement. A lot of people think that. Yeah. Yeah. So in my intake form, which is just wild, like different, um, companies we've done affiliates with have been like, Hey, can you give us your intake form for our customers? I'm like, that's so weird that the wise whisper agency intake form is interesting, but it's because there's just deep questions.

1:30:11I feel like these are things that you could reflect on too, that you would write. Yeah. Because you think like this. And one of the stories she shared was in high school, she was invited to a party at the popular kid's house and she described herself as pudgy, uncomfortable, uneasy. And she got to the party and one of the girls there said, oh, he wants to talk to you, like the kids whose house it was. And she went to the bathroom to like zhuzh her hair. I know where this is going. Yeah. And then she heard through the bathroom door, him saying like, ew, not her. I don't want to talk to her. She had to walk out of the bathroom past him.

1:30:48And that like messed with her confidence for a decade. And so to me, like what a personal story that is so relatable. Like how many people can relate to like getting your hopes up and then being embarrassed? Yes. Yeah. I love that. It's almost like, what are the core feeling? Okay. This is what it is. The story represents core feeling and emotions we can all relate to. Yep. So the core feeling is feeling embarrassed. The core feeling is shame. The core feeling, you know, and then you could even go like a higher level or maybe a step below where it's like body related feeling like, like high school, you know, there could be like details that are also threads that people can pull on where it's like, we've all felt something like that in high school.

1:31:25We've all felt shame about our bodies or most of us have. Um, and so for anyone listening, just journaling and kind of going through some of the things and thinking about 10 is the recommendation. Yeah. I think from like your earliest moment in time, it could be a person you spent time with and like how they impacted the way you think. What are some that you have? Yeah. Like I think one moment is like, gosh, I mean the one with my birthday, like realizing what money was with my dad was huge. And, and I remember his tears and I felt so much shame for throwing a tantrum, getting luggage for my birthday.

1:31:59And it, all my beliefs about money started right there. I remember thinking, Oh, like if you don't have money, you don't have fun. Like you can't, you can't have things like, and I remember watching my dad suffer that he couldn't give me a gift and thinking like, I made a promise with myself, I'm going to solve this. I'm going to make so much money. I'm going to fix this for everybody. And that turned me into a provider, like which shows up with men, right? Like wanting to be their provider. Yeah. I remember my dad would lose his job a lot. And I remember one of the times, just literally my mind being like, I'm going to make my own money.

1:32:30So no one has to worry about me. Exactly. How many of us girls have had that in business? There's so many stories below all of ourselves as entrepreneurs. I think that girl at the summer camp is a total moment for me. It made me realize that it doesn't matter how old you are, where you're at, pain is pain. And don't invalidate what looks like it should be small pain. The way she explained it, your heart is this big and when it hurts, it just hurts. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, I had some moments in national security, like, you know, you see a lot of things on those computer monitors. But yeah, like one time somebody handed me a gun and I was like, oh, my God, I don't want to do this.

1:33:12Why did I? How in my 20s did I end up in a field that at the center of it is holding guns and I couldn't want to hold a gun? Like that's how much I didn't know myself. Totally. You know. It's such a good point about the times in your life that are most important. And you do think graduation, wedding day, all the things it's like, no, it's almost like the tiny nuanced moment where your soul is like, remember this? Yeah. Or where your soul is like picking up a Pete, like a fragment. I'll never forget in the corporate world. I was like in a meeting and there was, we were in our meeting room and there was just a bunch of different people.

1:33:43I think there's like 50 people. And this was my first corporate job and it was in management consulting. And, um, I just remember I spoke and I remember everyone had been chitty chatting, talking and everyone stopped and everyone started listening. and I was like an associate at that time. I was very low level. And I just remember clocking like, oh, whenever I talk, people listen. And it wasn't, it was also because I didn't talk. I didn't talk when I didn't, I never talked to prove. I would never in a meeting talk to prove anything and be like, oh yeah, I'm here. And I want to do the things. It's like, I literally only would talk if I felt like what I was saying was valuable.

1:34:15And it was just like, I was like, okay, wow, this is something that there's. Did you share this in your book? No. See, but that's interesting. So we're talking about these moments and how different is that moment, but that's a really important moment to be able to like, and that's the thing. Intuition, I think is defined for me at least as knowing what you know without knowing why you know it. Oh my God. So true. That's been any of the retreats I've gone on. Yeah. Like the darkness retreat. I was like, if I'm meant to go on this, cause I heard of it, make it easy. And the next day the owner emailed me and was like, do you want to come?

1:34:49Wow. And I was like, yeah, I'd love to to come. See, that's what I'm talking about. And those are also moments is invitations from people. 100%. Moments are also meeting people that change everything. I had a weird moment when I was in, you know me, I created a whole e-course and I ended up with half a million dollars in debt when I was like 27. I paid it all off, thank God. But I had this moment, I don't know if I ever told you, this is a trip. I was at a gas station and I had a fancy Porsche that I was going to have to give up because I literally lost all my money. And there was this homeless guy that came up to me.

1:35:22I have a really soft spot for homeless people because my sister was an addict and she became homeless before she died. And I mean, obviously my family did everything we could to help her, but I always have a soft spot for them. So I always give them money. And he came over and he goes, do you have any money? And he was looking at my nice car. And I was realizing my debt that week, that was when the debt collector started to call me. And I was like in fetal position, realizing I'm going to let go of my place in West Hollywood. And I said, actually, I have negative$396 ,000. And he goes, what? That's so much debt.

1:35:54And I go, yeah. He goes, didn't you notice after the first 10 ,000? That's a moment. And I realized in that moment for me, debt was denial. Like spending money I don't have was me not wanting to be where I was. Wow. And like not wanting to see, see things. Yes. My debt was my delusion. Yes. And this guy, like this random man at a gas station asking me for money, just like put me right in gear. And I got in my car and was like, holy shit. Dude, that man's a G. That's a G. That's a G. I remember last one. Our boy on La Cienega. I was in high school and I was so out of my body in high school. I was just so disembodied.

1:36:35I'm so sensitive and energetic and I was just not in a place or space to support myself. My house was really crazy during that time. And I would get in car accidents all the time because I just had a field of chaos, like a field of emotion, a field of chaos, just because it was in my home. So I carried that field. And I think I got in probably six to eight accidents in high school. Oh my God. And I remember one time I got in an accident and I was like talking to my best friend, Brandon. And I was like, yo, I just always get in accidents. I have such bad luck. Like, I just have the worst luck. Like, how can I have such bad luck?

1:37:09And he looked at me and he goes, you're the common denominator. He's like, no one else is getting an accident. He's like, it's you. It's not bad luck. It's you that's getting an accident. I love this person. He's a king. I'm so grateful. How have you not brought up this person? He's amazing. I've had really amazing. Is he hiding in Ohio? He's actually lives on an oil rig. He studied geology and he works for oil company in the middle of nowhere girl I know my my dog you and I both have like little pocket friends oh yeah little I mean in high school I was hanging out like it's funny because the popular kids were available to me but they weren't interesting so I was hanging out with like yeah this group of like artsy kids called the wolf pack like they're all literally just like we listen animal collective and mia and just talk about like the craziest stuff but I'm so grateful for I actually a lot of times when I'm really grateful for male friends in my life because the men that I've been friends with, even my male relationships romantically have really been able to provide me with a clarity and perspective that I actually really appreciate and I can really hold.

1:38:08And even I was processing something with one of my male friends recently in the past week. And like, it was nice because we spent a little bit of time in the feeling, but we immediately went to strategy and I actually really appreciated it. And I actually could really be with it and hold it. And it's just such a nice texture. But yeah, that was another one of those moments. Yes, but isn't this interesting? So interesting. I like that we're having it because it's showing people the weirdness that it can and should go into. Because that's what grabs people's attention is moments. Yes. And that there's a big difference between talking about a story and bringing people into a story.

1:38:45Yes. I think that's a problem with a lot of people who are speaking is that the stories aren't landing if you're referencing something. So, for example, if I say I went to the beach with my sister yesterday and we had a hard conversation. that's different than I sat down on the sand at 9 47 a.m. I looked at the ocean and it was like twinkling like diamonds. And I looked up and there were tears in my sister's eye. And it was in that moment I realized we're going to have a really tough conversation. And so it's like painting a picture versus referencing an event. Yes. And people miss that. And I think great, great storytellers know how to bring people into a moment as if you are on the magic school bus floating amongst it.

1:39:24And so especially if my agency is helping somebody craft or book their TEDx talk or whatever talk that we're booking for them, we're really looking at, forget what the talk is about. Just show us your stories. Let's figure out which one makes us all feel something. And then when you have a writer like what we have, we're going to just put rainbows on it, magical more so. Great writers can make going to the grocery store sound like a party. Yeah. How much is about the speech and how much is actually about the person's ability to be like an effective communicator and voice? I would say - Like stage presence.

1:40:00You can't have one without the other, right? Like you can have a great speech, but if you have poor delivery, it's just words. I think a lot of that has to do with pauses too, right? Don't talk to me about that. I've actually been incorporating pauses so much more and that's just my next level invitation recently. And pauses are important because it gives people time to process. And we know a lot of information we're talking about. They don't. 100%. Like even in just any type of communication, it lets people catch up to you. It lets you take a breath. It's just pauses are a simple tip for anyone listening now to just incorporate more pauses in your communication of any sort and just see what happens.

1:40:47Yeah, exactly. What's one thing you want to leave for people today, for people that are wanting to find purpose or wanting to change their career to something that feels more them? I think the most important thing that anybody can realize is that your career is an experiment that should meet you where you are and that who you are, your purpose, your being, just like a little plant, we're a growing, changing organism. and there will be years that you're planting seeds and there's years that they're sprouting. Let your career be an experiment. Let yourself have the trial and error. It is the cost of admission for a career you actually want.

1:41:32Love you. Icky, love you too. Where can people connect with you? You can find me on IG at Ashley Stahl or at wisewhisperagency.com. Just fill out the contact form. I was going to do a TED Talk this year, but maybe next one. Maybe next year. Yeah, you got a lot on your plate, my girl, with your book coming out. I got to get a story that I got to get something that I feel like so lit up by. We should just go brainstorm. Yeah, I do feel lit up by stuff, but it's like, what's that thing? I'll give you my little intake form and we'll have a little coffee. Okay, cool. All right, guys, we'll see you soon.

1:42:00I love you. Bye.

1:42:04All right. Thank you so much, Ashley. We love you. Thank you for coming on Almost 30. I was on her podcast during our book launch season, which was a great conversation as well. And again, it's Wise Whisper Agency. If you guys want to get a talk, tell them we sent you. Tell them we sent you for sure. I think I'll get money for that, I hope. And Ashley can be found on Instagram, Ashley Stahl. We love you guys. Thanks so much for listening. You can follow us on Instagram at Almost 30 Podcast. Same on TikTok. And be sure to subscribe to YouTube as well. And if you haven't gotten our new book, Almost 30, A Definitive Guide to a Life You Love for the Next Decade and Beyond, it's out now.

1:42:41Everywhere books are sold. Amazon Barnes and Noble Target everywhere. And we really appreciate you supporting the book and getting it for friends, whether they're turning 30 or just moving through a season of change. All right. We love you. And we will see you on the next episode. Love you guys. Bye.