839. Stop Censoring Yourself: It's Time To Be Seen

25:32How would it all come together? And it was a beautiful divine sequencing that I would say includes this moment now, the feelings that maybe you're not going to be polished or ineloquent or all of the other things. And I find you to be the energy of now. And the energy of now can only be eloquent and elegant because it's now, it's this moment, it's what's alive, it's what's vulnerable, it's present, it's intimate. And thank you for showcasing and allowing me to witness you, allowing both of us to witness you in that and allowing us to share it in this moment. Now, I think it's a huge topic, right?

26:14Huge topic about what we present ourselves as the world, to the world, and what is the actual relative running script in our own heart and mind that correlates with that yeah and what we allow ourselves to be yeah I think I thought I'm like oh I'm free I'm liberated I live my life on my own I do what I want I get paid to be myself and it's almost like your self that sensors and monitors I call it the monitor finds this life to use as its expression of monitoring you know so it's like oh wow so I it can be this person, then it becomes the brand, or then you have to say it in a certain way, you have to look at it in a certain way, you have to express in a certain way.

27:02And I just thought I was more free than I am, honestly. But anyways, continue on what our ceremony was for the audience. Yeah, absolutely. And so last night, Simon and I, we co-created and co-facilitated an energy healing session for you based around, I don't want to call it our modality, right based around an energetic container that felt supportive and was guided by your own energy was guided by what you need your desires your requirements your demands energetically physically spiritually and essentially what it is that we hold space for is whatever wants to come to the surface in a release to make space for what you are receiving.

27:53And that means so many different things for so many different people and specifically for you to hold space for realization, for freedom to come to the surface. And sometimes for freedom to come to the surface, it's the realization of where we are not yet free, has to make its appearance first, its introduction rear, its ugly little head for us to be like, okay, I see you. And now what? I'm actually going to peer deeper to understand the ways in which I can cut cords. I can create boundaries. I can be more raw, be more unapologetic, be more authentic and own it. And then freedom reigns. Or do I sit in this for a little bit longer and feel the uncomfortableness of what a skin or a persona or a characteristic or an archetype is that feels restrictive, that feels crunchy, that feels like merging inwards instead of expanding outwards.

28:46And so, yeah, there's many ways to do that and it's always very fluid and very intuitive for you and really every time it's beautiful in its own way. Do you want to add to that? Yeah, and it's always, you know, we can accept it or we can reject it. It's through the acceptance of ourself, of every quality we possess, either if we like them or not. It's through the acceptance that suddenly opens a new door into something higher, something greater. Yeah, it's like... I think it's so interesting in life. You can come to places where you're so... I feel so happy and I feel happier than I've ever been.

29:42And then there's also a new level of that or a new level of your liberation or a new level available. And I think I didn't see it as clearly how even my happiness was limiting me because it was only allowing me to be happy because I haven't been for so long. So I feel happy now and I'm like gripping to the happiness. like I've got to be happier. It's going to go away. So we started with the Mary Magdalene healing and then we did the temple code. So what, and then we did the, um, the five MEO. So walk us through like just the ceremonies and sessions. Cause I want to kind of ground people in understanding outside of energy healing, what we were doing, because I think they'll understand how deep I went and you know what I mean?

30:25Like it'll give them more context for like the deepness of how I went. Absolutely. And so you and I really have always connected on the Magdalene path. I'm a Magdalene priestess of the Isis and Mary Magdalene lineage. And in teaching Mary Magdalene Reiki, energy healing, what I like to call feminine magic or hidden remembrance, right? This is, it's not a technique. It's not necessarily a modality, although I do use these terminologies. It is something I like to call perfect feeling. And so in the utilization of the perfect feeling that is always coming up for us. It comes up for us in desires.

31:03It comes up for us in passions and manifestations, in moments of curiosity, in moments of deep, deep joy and happiness, true vulnerable happiness that doesn't have conditions. And this perfected feeling within these types of energy healings is what we began with, right? Opening myself up as a vessel to be a conduit, to be a grounding cord, right? Of energy that can then connect, support, and hold space for that same magnetism in your own field. And what does that really mean, right? Each of us has these interconnected, intimate stories that we are making our way back to. And this intimate story is how do we see each other beyond the conditions and the judgments and the definitions and the titles of what our existence, our, I dare not say patriarchy because it's such a buzzword right now, but you know, what the patriarchy has really conditioned us to believe.

32:09We each have these directly focalized energies that so deeply want to be interconnected with each other. And yet most times when we have the opportunity to become super vulnerable and make that connection, we cut it. We step back. We shame ourselves. We judge ourselves. We don't let go, right? And so what Magdalene Reiki, the beginning of our session last night, was intended for was to support letting go. The stories, the narratives, the revolving thoughts and reflective deprecations that we get, right, from the world around us and just letting it be, letting it rest, letting it take a pause. And in this, the body correlates in that way sometimes to just really deep breathing.

33:02It's such a beautifully intelligent mechanism that our body is supporting us with is this unconscious breath. And a lot of times we're just breathing together. We're witnessing each other in the inhale, the sacred pause where everything stops, everything becomes still in that hold, and then the exhale. And in every moment, this is something a mentor of mine told me a long time ago, that in every moment we're dying, we're being reborn. We're being reincarnated through the breath. And so in the beginning of our sessions, what we're doing is we're opening up the space for the mini deaths that allow us to receive, that allow us to release, that allow us to become spacious for the next iteration of our evolution, the next iteration of our joy, the next iteration of our passions, our purposes, really our path, this dharma that we keep talking about, right?

33:53This destiny, this fate. These are like my favorite words. And I often sit with, what do they really mean? And so even in these sessions, I'm opening up space for the shape-shifting of what it really means by allowing us to just feel it. I hold space for the feeling, perfect feeling to be able to channel through me and hold the space for your perfect feeling to come to the surface and that looks like so many different things energy healing is such a diaphanous magical mechanism because it cannot be defined it refuses to be defined it refuses to have any chronological titling and so in that moment we're holding space for the energies of divine femininity for the energies of hidden remembrance and for that feminine magic to really just have this effervescence like champagne bubbles splitting to the top you know to come to the surface sometimes it feels like pins and needles sometimes it feels like sensations in our hands in our feet, in our womb, in our chest, the back of our neck, in our crown.

35:06Sometimes it just feels like easier breaths coming through. You can feel very visionary in the capacity to see apparitions, to have communications with ancestors, angels, allies, guides, guardians. Sometimes it just feels like a dreamlike altered state, which is necessary for us to go beyond any limitations that we may have placed on ourselves or that have been placed on us from external circumstances. And so what we began with was an opening.

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38:55And I've had, um, Mary Magdalene Reiki with you before I got certified with you recently. And, I think what I love about energy work is that it supports the more subtle aspects of life. You can't really define it. You can't really explain it, but it's been something that's been super beautiful, especially as my, I've stepped more into my femininity and more in my power and more in my truth. And that felt like the Mary, the energy work that we did, the Mary Magdalene felt like a difference compared to when you stepped in. It felt like so much more activated and so much more, yeah, it felt more like the masculine coming in.

39:35And so first was ours together. And then you guys worked together, which was actually really beautiful because sometimes if I have two people working on me, it's really hard for me to let go, or I couldn't even let go ever, but it was hard for me to let go because, or it's harder for me to let go because I can sense where everyone's doing. I'm like, what are they thinking about? How are they acting? But it was really, really nice. So when you stepped in, what was the difference or how did you guys create that like more activated session of energy with a masculine and a feminine for people it's a beautiful question and it's the answer that comes up to mind is that it's it's again the allowance i should terms it as being this conduit allowing us to be the conduit where the masculine the feminine merge together in a unity whether There is no separation, but yet again, still separation.

40:32And it's this beautiful dance of a little bit tapping in and out, constantly feeling into where are you? Where are you? Where am I? And it's quite a beautiful, electrifying, and I want to say life-giving dance.

41:00and I can say when you said this, now the masculine stepped in and it's something that I work personally with a lot of my clients 80 % of my clients are women who have not felt seen or felt safe with men before so a lot of my work is to consciously and unconsciously to make women feel safe with men for me it's such a big and important aspect of really embodying like the divine masculine it's interesting because I think years ago I would be like I actually feel safer with men I would have been said you know that is my safe space and now that's the opposite and I think I realized that I felt safe being a certain version of myself with men that I'm realizing has expired.

41:55I also think I was safe with men. Yeah. What I was, I was safe with men in their acceptance of what I would present to them. So I'm presenting this certain thing. You guys are accepting this certain thing. This is where we're going to go. This is who I'm going to be. This is how you're going to react to it. It's all good. And then I really struggled with women. You know, most of my life, I really struggled with my relationship to the feminine and women. I've talked about the mother wound and the sister wound and healing that. And that now is like with women, I feel so incredibly safe, mostly because I feel safe within myself, you know, as a woman.

42:29So I can kind of lead that. But it's been so interesting for me because now I've realized how much I don't feel safe with a masculine. You know, I, in the process of ending relationships that I've been in that have been narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, and having had sexual trauma, I didn't realize how much it was an undercurrent of how I experienced the masculine, but I didn't really want to acknowledge it or notice it or think about it. And it's been something that I'm really working with now because what I realized that in order to be safe with men, now that I'm dating, what I'll do is meet them, decide if they're safe or not.

43:27And the safety level is like this. It's like, it's safe to a point where I'm like, okay, I'll hang out with you. And then I decide from that point, which bucket you go into not safe. Okay. I'm going to present vixen, sexy front, you know, this is how you're going to perceive me. Cause you're already going to perceive me that way already. And then we're just going to go on that. And that's going to affirm the belief I have that men only want me for sex or men only want me for my looks or whatever that is. So that's a very safe place for me. Or it's like, I'm going to be, um, seeing you as more myself, but it's like, kind of like I have to be in the masculine role in the relationship with a man.

44:08Like I have to be the masculine. I have to lead men are not capable. I can't trust a man to hold me. I can't trust a man to do anything like that. So I've been really working with that recently because it's been painful to be in.

44:29Yeah, it's, it's a, It's pretty alive for me because it's been painful to be in relationships with dating.

44:48Where I'm only letting them go so far. It's like, I'm safe because we're only going here.

44:56so having our session with you was beautiful and I think it did bring that element up of the masculine it's not like I felt unsafe with you but I do think that it impacts the way that how far I'm able to go or how soft I'm able to be or what I'm able to allow up even if yeah yeah yeah thank you for for sharing your vulnerability I think that beauty of that is really an understanding that we have created a protection mechanism within our performances and the performances serve they really do but they allow us to have control over this conversation actually Simon and I had just yesterday control over the way that we're perceived.

45:51For sure. And within that, it makes us feel like we have some semblance of power. Yes. And what I have personally found within myself, which I think is the most powerful validation and confirmation, but also within clients and friends and families, is that the most power that we can find is actually in dropping the performance. And 99 % of the time, we don't even realize we're performing. For sure. It's literally who we have become. And I find like when we have these moments of vulnerability, we drop into the non-performance and we're like, holy shit, there's all of these masks and veils and coats and shoes and archetypes and characteristics and ways that we act around certain types of people.

46:33We are the ultimate shapeshifters, right? And it's beautiful to be able to even have that type of ability and gift. And when we take all of that off, our true power is lying. And how can I sit here with you and look you in your eyes and love your tears, right? And honor them. And then also like feel them within me too. And say, I've either felt that, witnessed that, like experience it, been there, will be there and like connect to that intimate story that we were talking about before. The power there is in the connections of all of our intimate stories and saying, oh, in actuality, when we're not performing, this is where our true power is interconnected, interwoven and forms a grid.

47:11And so that's a huge part of what we're doing within not only Magdalene Reiki, but within temple codes. It's the powering up of this non-performative grid of power. Natural, innate, birthright given power that is coming out of dormancy.

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50:33I do think I'm curious as a man well obviously you know sexual orientation is different but I do and I'm wondering how you feel about this I do feel like for women there is a specific energy that of performance with men and I don't know maybe that's just my experience of feeling like that's what you have to do to get the connection choosing the connection over the authenticity of your experience. And I think my whole life I've thought that was normal. And thought that was like, what would just be my reality. And are the tears the fact that you're realizing that that's not your reality? no no it's like no it's not it's like

51:34no it's it'd be nice if that was it's like

51:43I think I always find a way to make it negative to myself so in this I'm like wow it's not any man's fault it's my own fault and I feel sad that

51:58I've never I just feel sad for myself that I've had that and that I feel sad that I thought that that was okay or I thought that that was I was doing it right I don't know I just yeah you can also turn it around and say that all of like all these you're saying now are innate defense mechanism yes 100 yeah these things are your subconscious mind that's been protecting you yeah and it's been protecting you out of love yeah we don't want to put you in this situation again so let's make sure that she doesn't go down this road again yes but then the issues happens when we still consciously or unconsciously cling on to these old mechanisms that then suddenly creates our reality.

52:46And then suddenly this reality is not really up to date of who we are in this very moment. And it's also through, I mean, when we have all of these assumptions of how things will be. Can I do this because of that? And it's also these narratives that's running on autopilot in our beings that's affecting how we are perceiving, living, feeling life. and at least for my own when I talk through my own experience that myself when I have these realizations of my perceptions how I've lived my life through a lens that's not really authentic or not really who I am that's always when something shatters in me and I suddenly realize holy shit what just happened yeah I feel like I don't know what is in all I was like I know some ways of being are inauthentic and I've been monitoring them through you know I've been watching how I've been in dating and I'm like oh I'm performing like I'll go on a date and be like all right switch on performance mode and you know crush this date whatever but I don't know like there's so much of my the way that I am expressing that I'm like how far does the inauthenticity go like what isn't authentic what's off you know what I mean it's kind of beautiful inquiry because we all do that we put our best foot forward is our best foot forward a performance yes exactly I don't think so and there are moments too where you realize that you're witty you're charming you're on yeah that is alignment that's not a performance when something that's is being filtered and filtered in a way like there's something about like I mean I like to curse like a sailor but obviously I'll filter that sometimes and I mean curse words are just the best like power words.

54:36And anyways, but that's not performance, like alignment, flow. Like we talk a lot about multidimensional flow, like in Magnum Reiki and even in Temple Codes, that's not performance. We're just on it. We're following like an unobstructed path that feels like it's channeled, like whatever comes out of our mouth, our movements. We feel so much confidence in our body. Like when we walk, when we sway, we're gliding. That is alignment, right? What happens So when we switch to performance, it's filtration or it's trying to go into the eyes of that person and see how they see you from their perspective and then alter it.

55:15Right. And we'll do it. You know, sometimes I'm like, okay, is he seeing me? Should my hair be on this side? Would I be prettier this way? No, last night I was like, last night I was literally on DMT and I was like, I have snot on my face. I need to wipe it off. Like insane. Like I was like, they're going to see my snot on my face. I need to wipe it off. And then my monitor was like, no, let them see your snot. And in that, your monitor is amazing. Let us see your snot. Let us see your like rawness. No, but the monitor was like, you don't want them to think that you're out of it. It was still about your experience of me.

55:48You know what I mean? You don't want to, you want to prove to them that you're not worried about the snot. Swear. I had snot on my, okay, so this is a story. I had snot on my face last night after doing 5-MeO DMT. And so I wanted to wipe off the snot because at first I thought I can't let them see my snot. And then my monitor said, but then you don't also want them to know that you care about wiping off your snot. And so I was like in this battle about my snot on my face. I was just like driving my snot. Sacred snot. Sacred snot. It was like the thing. I would say we have a very loose relationship to snot over here.

56:23Absolutely. I'm sure. Yes. Absolutely. So how do you think, I guess we can all, how do you guys think that people can tell when they're being in their authenticity and when they're not? When we talk about authenticity, what does it feel like? What's the experience? And then how can we tell when we're performing? You're talking when you observe someone or you're talking about when you feel authentic yourself. How do you feel? How can you know that you're being authentic? I mean, when Sajam was talking before about authenticity, the first thing that went through my mind was, okay, I'm authentic when I feel, I've got a curse now, like fucking great in my body.

56:55You know, when I'm filling myself up from the inside out, I'm not really fussed about what other people are thinking because I'm so embodied in my own being and I love being in my own body. I love feeling, I love like laughing, I love being seen, I love hearing myself, I love singing, I just love like expressing my fullest version. That's for me when I'm authentic. What about sadness though and grief? Like what about the other bad feelings that we feel like? Is that not authentic? like what's what do you say with that i would say it's it's a big part of it yeah i've like for me if you want to live the experience of a like of the full spectrum of being a human being and then we have to feel our emotions we we need to it's part of our our humanness it's part of the natural rhythm and all emotions are beautiful in each their own way and they all serve their own beautiful divine purpose and I'm myself, I'm happy I love to laugh, I love to have fun I'm joyful and so for me that's, when I think of authenticity that's the first thing that comes into my mind because that's kind of like how I perceive myself, how I wish to live my life, not to say that I neglect the heavier denser emotions When you are sad what is your go-to essentially i would like to know like what's your go-to to for like authentic expression of grief like in sadness like what does that look like

58:38it's a really um i don't know if you feel it but my inside is changing as well it's um for me grief and sadness through the way I've been raised, through the way I live my life, has always been something that's been forbidden. It's still something that I'm evolving with, learning to get acquainted with. And I would say it's not a lot of people who've seen me cry. It's not a lot of people where I have really allowed myself to fully show that side. Because through my upbringing, I always learned that when you feel sad or honestly when you feel any emotions, you should hide. Yeah. Don't feel it. Don't show anyone how you're feeling.

59:29Is that cultural or your family? I would say it's mostly family. Got it. It's mostly family. So I'm still on a journey of getting fully embodied and acquainted with my grief, with my sorrow. And when we talk about filtration, because when I'm on different plant medicines, you know, when the filtration gets kind of like taken out of the picture, then I can grieve. Then I can cry. I can scream. I can get extremely primal and loud.

1:00:11and as I'm saying this, I'm getting an amen. Ringing? Ringing in my ear. Because why? I think it's just a sign or a message. There's something there. There's something there to be further. So even on that, so that's a question that I have then, because I'm actually, I relate in the fact that very few people have seen me and like my, and I, you know, just very few. And then the voice that I feel is very few people deserve that. And these are parts. Very few people deserve that. Very few people can hold that. It's not a safe space with a lot of people. So what would you guys say to that? Because I think a lot of people are like, okay, so I want to be more vulnerable.

1:00:57I want to be more open. But also, is every space a safe space for that? Is every space worthy of that? What do you guys feel about that? I think it's a huge layering, right? And oftentimes when we talk about the truth, there are variations of the truth and variations of layers and levels that we can attain to get to that point. And I think the first and foremost importance of that is to surround yourself with people that your authenticity flows easily. And that's in grief, that's in happiness, that's in joy, that's in celebration, and that's in witnessing. And when I talk about layers and levelings, it's because the first layer is to actually remove the connections and relationships that are not serving that truth, that are not serving that awareness.

1:01:39And that's usually the hardest first step, right? It's to, whether we want to call it cutting cords, creating boundaries, you know, moving outside of spheres of friendship or careers or whatever it may be to further align with the non-performative aspects of our power. And so when we actually step into that, we step into courage. And one of the most beautiful things that I feel like really aligns here is I read the Akashic Records. And one of the first things that I talk about when I read the Akashic Records is utilize questions that are burning desires to know. And within that burning desire to know inquiry to the Akasha, choose your number one burning desire because people always leave it to the end.

1:02:22Why do we do that? Fear. Fear of the answer, fear of the expectations of what's going to come through, fear of what I want it to be, what will it be, how will it affect my life, how will this information channel through me, or will it even feel real, right? And these are all the questions that we similarly have when we move through these layers and levels of our own truth and removing the armor, removing the performative or the protection mechanisms from around us. and it's courage, right? We have to move into what is our burning desire and follow it. Like literally, I believe in my own humble opinion that this is our number one aspect of existence is to seek, feel, and embody our burning desires.

1:03:06And when we can move through these layers, we start to find synchronicities, angel numbers, coincidences, whatever you want to call it, things begin to open. So it goes back to what we, what we began with last night and opening, right? And opening, it's a gateway, it's a portal, it's a window of opportunity, sacred pause. It's all of these things, right? The new age is like buzzing with all of these words and it's spaciousness, spaciousness for us to emerge like this cocoon, this metamorphosis that is taking place every single day, the inhale, the exhale, right? The many deaths and the many rebirths that we're having in every single moment are spaciousness for us to move through truth.

1:03:52And I think surrounding yourself, and maybe that's one person. Yeah. I think starting with one is an example is a good one. One person, right? And honestly, in this moment in life, it's like Simon and I are to each other, Like we are best friends and we provide the spaciousness to be without any performative aspects and we mirror each other consistently. What does that mean? Yeah, it's... I've never had a friendship like Shatam and I have. I've never had, I've never been in a such a deep connection where I can just fully be my raw, unfiltered self. and also in such a way where like Shatam said, we mirror each other I say something and Shatam is like can I just mirror you in that one?

1:04:41what if or are you sure? is that true? or is it a story? it's a story you're telling right now so it's constantly a provoking in a way it's interesting because provoking is there but it's actually just about allowing the spaciousness for another layer of your truth to emerge. And so he'll be sharing and I'll be like, wow, that's absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing. And what's underneath that? What if we go deeper? What's deeper? Like what's really the root and the origin of that, right? And then we'll get to that layer. And that's when we talk about layers and levels of truth, spaciousness and opening.

1:05:21It's when you feel fully vulnerable, but also...

1:05:30safe. Yeah. To go to that layer and level, right? We talk about the underworld and the darkness and the dark night of the soul and all of, but they don't necessarily have to be this devilish like aspect of distortion, you know, mirroring and going into these deeper layers just provides a space for reflection. Yeah. Awareness. Intimacy. Yeah. It's interesting because I, with the women in my life, there's women I can do that with, but it's after we've processed the emotion, after the emotion is present, we can move to that. The emotion first needs to be tended to. It's almost like, cause the emotion's like a little girl or, you know, that's like upset.

1:06:14But with the men in my life, I can go to that pretty quickly. We can go to the, what else is there? The provocative, you know, feels provocative for me. And it's interesting. I'm just kind of thinking about that because I think a lot of women listening, our audience is mostly women. I don't know how many women would be receptive of that in their life if someone was like, oh, what else is there? I think they would feel judged. And I'm just, I'm saying that as like, what do you guys think about that?

1:06:51is that a level of consciousness or awareness i would say it's a mix of different things it also talks into what are what are our traumas yeah what are our triggers yeah and then we can say yeah our triggers are gateways into yes higher potential yes yes i think the beauty of the question though is what else is there? Yeah. I've literally just asked you what else is there? Four questions or four words in one question, right? And in that it's abundance. It's an abundant question. Yeah. It's a good one. Right. We're consistently as a human collective asking for more abundance in our lives. What else is there?

1:07:33If abundance triggers you, let's go deeper. And I think that's exactly how I would phrase it if somebody was like, I'm triggered by that. And I'd say, okay, are you triggered by the abundance of what else you have inside? What else you have to share? What else you have for me to receive from you? Let's go deeper. And I think triggers, as Simon was saying, are like our deepest pathways to finding self-discovery, collective discovery, and also an even deeper bond and an intimate story with each other, whoever we're having that conversation with. And I guarantee you that person, if it's the first time you've asked them what else is there they will never forget you and they will never forget that conversation because you allowed them an abundant moment to become intimate not with you per se but with themselves and in that you just planted a seed in them that will grow into something bigger layers and levels yeah and just returning to the layers as you mentioned i mean like essentially that is what we're doing here you created an opening yeah we went deeper we went into vulnerability and now we are adding layers and layers and layers.

1:08:40So what else is there? It's a stunning inquiry and it doesn't take much from us except an attentive and deeply intimate desire to just hold space. What else is there? I think I pulled us off of a little bit when we were talking about how to get authentic with ourselves. It's like first or how to find the safe connections. We talked about removing the relationships and the people in your life that were not allowing you to be authentic. And then there was a few other ways that we can tell and then be authentic that you were speaking about. Do you remember? Yeah. I mean, ways in which we can feel more authenticity in our lives is

1:09:31literally what I'm doing right now. Yeah. Before we go into a spiel, into a pre-rehearsed normal version of who we are, take a deep breath. Yeah. And then literally the answer finds you. Yeah. And I often find in any question, the answer is within the question. And so if someone would ask me, what else is there? The first thing I do is,

1:10:00and I find in my body in an embodied sense like where does the truth of that question live within me where does the authenticity of that question live within me and that's why I say I think surrounding ourselves whether it's just one person or a group or a community a family of people that can a hold space for the inhale and the exhale and everything that happens in the in between and that can just hold space for you to find that aligned truth inside of you. I think so much of that is simple in theory. In theory. And a lot of what Simon and I do is creating containers. And are we creating them?

1:10:40Maybe not. But are we stewarding and facilitating the potentiality of the container? I think so. And I think additionally, like creating safety is opening yourself up to potentiality. It's also opening yourself up to or allowing the break to break out of your autopilot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because how can we be authentic if we're running on autopilot? Yeah. And that's that pre-rehearsed self, right? It is on autopilot all the time. You all know this feeling of, you know, sitting in a circle and we're about to present something already before it's our turn. And we're like, okay, what do I need to say?

1:11:19This year I'm claiming abundance. This year I'm letting go of limiting beliefs. Exactly. In every circle we've been in, I'm the person like, what else is there? What's underneath abundance? Abundance is so many things. Were you wanting abundance of shit this year? Is that what you'd like? That is such a good one. And every single container, there's 10 people who are like, I would like abundance. And I'm like, go deeper. What's underneath that? And do I think it's triggering? Not necessarily, but I don't think people ask. Yeah, totally. I don't think people leave the spaciousness for something outside of the pre-rehearsed abundance.

1:11:54Yes. Right? And it's, I love it. Yeah. And what does abundance feel like? Mm-hmm. Right? If we need to bring it home, we need to bring it into the body and feel it. Yeah. Our feelings are going to, they inform our actions. Yeah. They inform the architecture of our world. It's the blueprint. Yeah. It's the dream. It's the eros. It's the intimacy. It's the inspiration. And so we need that inquiry. We need that safety, right, to say what's underneath abundance. And we do get like 80 % of our information are perceived through the body. Yeah. Yeah. so it kind of also just makes sense that we need to feel it to actually live it to be it yeah I think there's two things even before answering the question that sacred pause moment I've been talking about that recently in communication and the pause is such a power move you know to let the audience process what you're just saying to let them catch up to what you're just saying to have the moment even as a speaker using a pause on stage, using it to like, like people lean in, they're like, what is next after the pause, they can kind of have a second and in life, having the pause for the authenticity is such a good one too, you know, and it's so interesting, because in facilitating and guiding circles, you'll see the the story, the the performative element of the positivity, I'm looking for abundance.

1:13:39And then you'll see the performative element of people's negative stories. You know, like I'm someone that really had this happen to me and this happened to me. And so the performance can be some people receive validation and love through performance of them being a victim. Some people received love from their performance of them being, you know, someone that's successful, a victor, we'll say. But I think what we've gotten to here with the body and the feeling is so powerful because I think there was that moment last night after fighting with my freaking inner monitor for 40 minutes after our ceremony was when you said, you know, what if we were to go out of the head and into the body and feel, and I was able to find relief from the battle that I had been in, in my mind by being in the body.

1:14:33And I hadn't felt that in a bit, you know, in a bit. I was like, wow, I really didn't have the peace of being at home in my body and hearing nothing and feeling just a semblance of home here because I had been so in the ego battle that I had been experiencing. Yeah. Oftentimes it's just when we live in a mostly cerebral capacity. This is most of humanity. And one of the most beautiful things to think about energy healing and any lineage, right? Any lineage that at least Simon and I know of, it's going to teach you to come into the body that it's actually ground zero. It's the vessel that actually holds the potentiality of everything else.

1:15:25And so when we can actually pull these threads, whether it's egoic thoughts, whether it's like what's underneath abundance, what's underneath vulnerability, what's underneath accountability, how are we stewarding the life of our dreams, bring it into the body. And by cultivating a sense of how do we desire to feel, it will architect the active elements of our life into literally a blueprint and instructive of architecture and layers and levels, right? The monitor has to come to say, are you sure, girl? Are you sure? Are you sure you're ready for that? This might remind you of that one time when we had to kind of pull you out of this sadness or this depression or this high horse energy.

1:16:09And it happens to all of us. We all have the internal monitor. And I think one of the most beautiful things about becoming intimate with your internal monitor is that you can have a good laugh and you can say, wow, thanks for bringing that up. Like that's a really good reference point. And I'm going to take a pivot from where I was in this situation 10 years ago or where my mom was or my grandfather or my best friend. And I'm going to utilize that information to be able to architect a different pathway. I don't believe that the monitor, the ego, the unconscious or subconscious is here to ruin us.

1:16:52It's here to enact and activate this spirit of rebellion from the normal ways that we have protected ourselves so that we can find the pathway of our power. Like what you're saying that is so important because we are trained in seeing our ego as the enemy. Yeah. you know I hate you you're annoying go away and as Shatam said when we can get intimate we are with the monitor we can also laugh at it we can have fun with it monitor is magic it shows us exactly what we talked about yesterday and also mentioned before that it shows us where we're yet not free so how can I befriend it and see it as a friend that's helping me to evolve into my highest potential you said it last night you're like i feel like i'm in jail and i feel like the monitor got the keys like i come out oh all right come on yeah and yet we look at the jailer as the enemy yeah and i think if we can be like all right jailer get over here like i'm gonna integrate you i'm gonna embody you and i'm gonna to make love to this aspect of myself that really and truly has been here as a protection mechanism and once I integrate you so delicious yeah and isn't that what life is about making it so so delicious I read something recently that completely reframed how I think about aging and it has nothing to do with wrinkles or energy levels on the surface scientists just identified the first nutritional deficiency in 75 years.

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1:21:52It's interesting. So just for the audience, when I'm talking about the inner monitor, I'm talking about, you know, in our ceremony last night, this aspect of me that's like just monitoring myself and watching how I'm perceived, watching how everyone else is perceiving me and adjusting and contorting based on that. in this case in particular the inner monitors this part of me that's never let me go like to never let me surrender whether it's been in any medicine ceremony any psychedelic ceremony nothing like I've done psychodrama therapy work I've done so many plant medicines I've done so many different healing things whatever and I've never been able to let go ever it's never let me dissolve into the experience.

1:22:41And last night it was online again, and it wasn't letting me dissolve into the experience. And it's interesting because the way that I see this is through parts work. So internal family systems is the methodology that I teach and work with. So I'm in my process of kind of getting to know the part of the monitor, which is different for me than the inner critic. It's like a very interesting part, but I'm not necessarily unblended from it. And I'm not really understanding. I understand it, but we're still, I'm still kind of like feeling under its thumb a little bit, you know, and I'm, I'm still getting my bearings with this aspect of me because inner critic, I know, you know, it's something I'm well aware of and I love her.

1:23:27But this one, I'm like, trying to understand and it's helpful to understand like, what were your origins? What is the point where you said, Oh, no, we cannot let go. We need to hold tight. It is not safe. You know, and it's fine for her to feel like that. But man, it was, it was just painful because I was really desiring to have an experience where I could finally surrender and let go for the first time in my life. You know, I haven't ever had that. So I was really looking forward to that and to have the disappointment of not was such a bummer. And then to feel her pull up and out and watching you guys, seeing what you're doing, seeing what you're thinking about it, wondering what you're thinking about it was just like, fuck, I'm doing that again.

1:24:10You know, I'm like in that again of being watching other people. And it's almost like using my gifts to tune into other people instead of myself. You know, I had this like hit the other day because in my client sessions, my, it's very easy for me and my psychic gifts to come online because we've created this space and there's a lot of permission within our field. So it's easy for me to go in, pull something out, say something. But I've realized I've been using that unconsciously a lot in my life to get, to get, to like get people to like me or whatever. Like they're thinking about this. I'm going to bring this up.

1:24:47As an example, I went to meet a friend the other day, her son was there and I saw her son. I was like, nice to meet you. And I was like, do you like Minecraft? Cause he was thinking about Minecraft. So immediately we have rapport on Minecraft. Cause I bring up Minecraft cause I picked it up in his field. And so I was like, how can I now use this? I don't want to, I just don't want to do that anymore where I'm like using that to be safe or always sort of outside of myself in other people's fields and my monitor is like how do we do that or how do we exist if we're not doing that i mean yeah what you're speaking my language really um it's like for me it's always so interesting that we get so fixated on the goal this is what i want this is what i desire for that That we forget what is in this very moment.

1:25:40Yeah, true. Nothing is a coincidence that there is a huge gift to be unraveled in this very moment that you were offered. It's true. And maybe that moment didn't live up to the assumption or expectations that you have. But still, again, there was a divine sequencing in the gift you got served. Yeah, I do agree with that. And which then leads me into, at least from what I hear you're saying, is that, okay, I need to monitor others before I can react myself. Yes. Are they safe? But isn't that observation? We had a conversation once about what's the difference between observation and judgment. That's a good one.

1:26:23And I thought it was, it feels applicable here because you and I are the same in that. And I'm cosmic, right? And Simon's always like grounding me back into my body. We're the oracle, right? So Minecraft, okay, how can I bring this in? There is such a delicate, but also intricately chaotic balance that we're creating in this oracular nature of being able to see through other people's eyes, feel how the connection can go and which way we can weave it in. I mean, first and foremost, I'm an opportunist. And I mean that in the most beautiful titling and definition of the word. Like I will see the opportunities in every scenario and be able to like divert and pivot as needed.

1:27:07And I believe that that's the same for you. Why are we judging the ways that we look into opportunities to be able to expand the moment? You expanded that moment for that little boy, right, for Minecraft. And then if it also serves you, there's an opportunity there that is completely connected and going in both directions. It is movement. It has energy. It has activation. It's not one sided. It's not dead on one end. It's completely cyclical and circular. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So when we start judging like our observations, then I think we bring our ego into things. And for a long time, I used to do the same thing.

1:27:47I'd be like, all right, I see this situation from so many different viewpoints and I'm going to use this situation and I'm going to utilize it. My human design is opportunist and visionary. And what is an opportunistic visionary? It's an oracle. And within that, we see things that other people can't see. and the ways that we integrate it, the ways that we are able to orchestrate it can be very grounded, which is like bringing it back into the body, or it can be a little haywire, which is where it gets into like these multiple thoughts and how's it going and what are they perceiving? Bring it into the body.

1:28:27Utilize your gifts, not as a hindrance and not as something that is wrong with you, but as a gift and a skill and a talent and ability that was an innate God-given, goddess-given gift and utilizes an opportunity to further yourself because by giving yourself permission to further yourself, that seed is planted in every single person that you meet. So judgment and observation of the oracle is a very fine line. and I feel like that's the monitor because earlier you said I'm very good friends with my inner critic we have a great rapport how did you develop that rapport and maybe be able to take some of the learnings from that rapport with your inner critic and bring it over to your inner monitor right and then how can not even to say that they need to mesh or meld into the same entity or the same energy stream right but being able to use what's tried and true in your intimate relationships with different aspects of your own archetype and use them in the layers and levels as you move forward and as you gain abundance in the ways that you utilize your gifts.

1:29:42I feel like this really also talks into how we are all so uniquely wired. It's really the beauty of finding our own way. Because for me, it really, and And I spent 30 years of my life shapeshifting, like really adapting into the environment of how would I fit into, how they perceive me, and, you know, constantly shapeshifting. It costs me an immense amount of energy. Within the last five years, I really figured out that the more I can be true to myself, the more I can, and it's not to sound selfish when I say that I choose me first, but I choose me first out of love because if I choose me first and I have so much more love to give to my surroundings, to my friends, to my clients to the world for me it's just so important to find your way home the more true I can be in my core the less energy I need to spend constantly navigating my surroundings, my conditions how do how would you guys explain like what is choosing yourself first for people like because a lot of women listening there are people that put people before themselves you know what would you say choosing yourself first is because i think people understand the value of it now but i don't know if they always understand what that means for me does a lot to do with boundaries yeah this is my boundaries i'm very clear with my boundaries and it's been um it's been a practice i i really don't like that saying because i also feel like it's anyways i'm an ex-pleaser an ex-pleaser yeah yeah and finding my way where i choose myself first i had to set a lot of boundaries yeah to myself but especially to like the external external world and i think if anyone knows now you know how strict i am in my boundaries what are some examples i can usually look at simon and say okay simon needs a simon nap and it's like he needs 20 minutes where he's either silent or like on his own in nature and that's a boundary of his and we could be in the middle of like an excursion or in the middle facilitating and I'll be like Simon's gonna go ahead and take a little break and we're gonna continue yeah and it's really just like it's a telepathic notion where I can really feel that about him and I honor it like and there's also I think in the beginning of our relation where there was a moment where I was like but but power through that's me yeah that's me I'm the power througher I'm a projector I yeah I need my downtown I have x amount of energy to give and that I need to withdraw to come back again.

1:32:35It's also the masculine too. I have to rebuild the testosterone, go off. You know, women, we get it fed through each other. Yeah. And I'm a manifesting generator. Yeah. And so I feel like I typically have a never-ending supply until I don't. Yeah, same. So I go and I go and I go and I go until that last sputter, you know, sparks out. But in the essence of what does it feel like to choose yourself, One of the things that I often say to clients and friends is to reserve your yeses first and foremost for yourself. And oftentimes people, our community, our friends, our people, our co-workers, our families are so used to our yeses.

1:33:20They're so used to us acquiescing to serving, to giving, to overflowing for others that they may not be used to it when what used to be yes is now a no because I have reserved that yes for me. And that can be the simplest of things. Like when I wake up in the morning, I need an hour where nobody fucking talks to me, right? That is my yes. And now whether it's your kids or your partner or your work that's calling or even Instagram or your emails that want your attention when you first get up in the morning. No, that's a no. Because my yes to an hour of self-care is reserved for me. So first and foremost, how do we create an internal embodiment is creating space.

1:34:06And I'm always going to come back to that. It also talks into feeling. Yeah. Feel your yeses and feel your noes. Yeah. Which is both the pause, adding the pause. I always say with people, the, the no and the yes happens in, cause for most people, the yes is the reflex. Yep. Got it. You want to do that? Yeah. You know, it's already the yes that happens and I have to catch myself doing that. How do you do that? Now it's like, I, now I have to give myself permission to pause with every question. And I even have people that I work with. It's like, we move along the scale. We're, you know, the initial was the, and that's how I like to do with anything.

1:34:45I don't want them to go from like here to being like, no, I'm not going to be able to do this. It's like, how can we gently move you along the scale? So right now you're at reflex. Yes. How can we just put our hand over our heart? If we feel people asking us something to give us the inclination to ask the question, how can we just say, I need to check my calendar, giving us like the chance to move out of that situation and that energy check in with ourselves, see if it feels good in our body to say yes. Or even like, not like saying to lie, but I'm always like a white lie doesn't hurt if you're going to give space for yourself to check in.

1:35:15Or what's the truth of that? Like, can you allow me some spaciousness and I'll get back to you? Love that. Yeah. That's it. I just want to check in. Yeah. I'll check in with you later about that. I mean, it can be really simple when we give ourselves permission to just be honest. And for me, it's my favorite saying in the world is, is it a full body fuck yes and if it's not then it's a no even a maybe is a no because it's not a yes right now and we can revisit it we can revisit all of our no's but in this present moment is it a full body fuck yes but it is a tough one when you live in a world that's quite reactive oh for sure yes so suddenly like for some people it can be extremely triggering if you say I need to feel this before I can give you an answer yes yeah I think that's where the big practice enters the pictures.

1:36:06But that also goes back to choosing you. If my can I have some spaciousness triggers you, we can talk about that. But it's also not mine. I'm using my yes in this moment or my no. So if it triggers you, yeah, let's open a dialogue around it. And it's not necessarily going to influence my yes or no in this moment because I've already felt it in my body. And that's again, feel it. it really also depends how you phrase it when you say I need to think about it it becomes a mental decision if you can learn to rephrase it in your own being and say I need to feel it before I give you an answer yeah let me feel into that let me feel into that as someone that's sensitive I have to feel it away from people normally I have to go to the bathroom I have to take a second to wait and kind of feel it it can't happen because usually I'm so attuned to people in their energy, I'm going to like maybe subconsciously do what they want me to do.

1:37:02And so usually for me, it requires me to be alone. And the group field contracts, right? It pulsates and it contracts. So if you're in a group of people and they're like, we're all going to go do this. And you're like, let me feel into that. Step away from the pulsation, the group field, that's like contracting around you. Like you said, go to the bathroom, go take a little assignment nap or walk around the block, right? Feel it in your body. And I would say that this is for all humans, we immediately know the answer because we feel it. There is a knowing that is only stemmed from the information of feeling and we override it consistently and constantly.

1:37:41And so for us to be in an intimate relationship with our desires and what is a full body fuck yes, we have to feel it first and become once again abundant with that intimate story of our own yeses and nos. and if that means taking space then know that you need a five-minute like decision maker space and that that's your boundary that's how you operate it's not a judgment it's just an observation and I've got to roll with that just imagine that like the beauty of recognizing yourself in that way yeah this is how I work and other people recognize for sure that way and honoring you in that way and then giving themselves permission to be like oh do I need to Krista nap?

1:38:25Yeah. Do I need Krista walk around the block? Like, do I really need to, do I need to put my hand on my womb and feel it? Because they witnessed you in your power of claiming that moment. Yeah. This is how we literally change the world by giving ourselves permission to be fully authentic. Mine's called morphing. I'll be somewhere with my friends and they're like, she's morphing. And I'm like, oh, mask is slipping off guys. I need to literally leave right at this moment. Like it's, I'll be at a party and I'm like, we're done. And how does it make you feel that your friends recognize this? I'm obsessed with it.

1:38:59I love this. They're like, they respect my morph. They're watching the morph. And I'm like, I've got to go. They're like, we have about five minutes till morph. I'm like, yep. And the countdown begins. The countdown begins. And so I'm like, dude, I just can't. The battery is just. It's out. It's out. Yeah. It's out. It's hasta mañana. No more. Yeah. I'm good on all that. So for just for to go back to last night with our ceremony, I want to explain the 5-MeO-DMT part of it. So this was something that when we talked about doing our ceremony, I kind of overlooked, but I'm grateful that I did. So you sent me information.

1:39:40It was all you sent me information. We're like so up to date. and I'm just kind of doing my little thing. And I didn't realize that we were doing this in the ceremony until Thursday. Our ceremony was Friday, but it felt the entire time crystal clear, crystal clear in my body, crystal clear in my consciousness, prayed on it, asked, never in a second felt anything other than clarity. And I've had any of these things that I've done in my life, I've been so grateful because it's always happened easily and naturally, no effort needed, just dropped in. Darkness retreat. He asked me to come the day after I told God, if you want me to go, make it easy.

1:40:16He's like, do you want to come for free? Ayahuasca, they were like, do you want to come for free? The day after I said, if this is meant for me, have it come. Things happen like that. So I knew that this was meant for me and I was with you and I got to meet you. But I didn't really know much about what it was or what we were doing. And I have to say it was my favorite substance like or like of I've ever done of it was just so clean and clear and it was just stunning like I just loved it even I had such it brought on my struggle but it still has such a beautiful energy so tell the audience what the 5-MeO DMT is absolutely and so that's its molecular name and I tend to call it the goddess molecule And so we may be familiar with DMT, diamethylchiptaline, which is the active ingredient in ayahuasca.

1:41:08And then there's normal DMT. This is 5-MeO. And so it does affect different serotonin receptors. There's really no serotonin deprivation, which we might experience with other psychedelics or other medicines. And so for me, this is all about ceremony. I live my life entirely by ceremony, ritual, divination. and I have been an active psychonaut for the last 15 years and mostly with ayahuasca with the sacred mushrooms, San Pedro, Kana, White Lily, things like this and of course I'm from the Caribbean, cannabis is our goddess and these things are done in ceremony, they are prayed over, they are devoted to there's always just this deepening communication with a divinity that is ever present and um yeah shout out to my mentors for initiating me into this lineage and the goddess molecule, my very first ceremony with her, allowed me in 25 minutes to experience and have access to what I had been seeking for 15 years.

1:42:31And you spoke into it. It's the dissolve. I dissolved from my human awareness, egoic patterns, cycles, rhythms, and was not only able to touch the non-existent edges, but to literally be placed in the heart consciousness of the divine and to be rocked back and forth by the surety that everything is as exactly as it is supposed to be. divinely sequenced and working in my ever impenetrable favor. And that was my very first experience. And there's really no way. Not me being salty. I didn't have that experience. My ego's like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. There we go. Inner monitor's like, yeah, I knew it.

1:43:27No, but I can see that. But honestly, I've had so many experiences that were exactly what you're talking about. So many. And I've had those moments where my very first ayahuasca experience, I sat in a room with 20 people, including my late husband at the moment, who had the biggest experience of their entire life and nothing. Three cups. And anybody who sat with ayahuasca knows three cups. You're not in? I did three cups my last night. Nothing. Exactly. I've been there as well. Three cups. Yeah. Yeah. We've all had this experience of deeply desiring the experience that everyone else is having and it being the opposite or it being exactly what you need in that moment.

1:44:09And that very first ayahuasca ceremony of mine, I remember being like, this is shit. I want my money back. I'm like kicking my husband. I'm like, get up. I'm like, let's go. This is horrible. You know, and he's in. and the last five minutes before the sun came up, I could see just the rays coming up over the horizon. I'm like, so great. I'm so glad I had my bag packed and ready to go. And yeah, I was pissed. Your little satchel. Super satchel. I had my French satchel and I was ready to go. Yeah, I was already thinking about the chai latte I was going to have and I was going to bitch about it for the rest of the day.

1:44:46And a voice came in in my right ear. And I had been toying, this is forever ago, probably 17 years ago now. I had been toying with channeling at this point. I knew I had a gift and I wasn't able, I wasn't sure how to tap into it fully, but it had been coming in spurts. And this voice started to come in in my right ear and in my right eye, all of this code started to come in and it felt very matrixy. And in my left eye, I felt like I was behind a huge, I would say like screen, but almost felt like a windshield of some sort, like I was in some kind of vehicle or craft. And it started with this huge dialogue about what was to come.

1:45:29And it was like, it will not be easy. You will have to choose it over and over and over again. But, and it was like information packets that were landing in my consciousness that were not ready to be opened yet, or that I did not have the key to that code just yet, but it landed, it found a place to live. And as the sun came up, literally as the first part of the sun came up, it stopped like mid sentence, it stopped. And I knew in that moment that that is how ceremony worked because the Shemana had said, when the sun comes up, our ceremony is complete. She had already set those boundaries. She had sent those parameters and she had structured our ceremony to that divine sequencing.

1:46:09And literally at that moment, everybody just started coming out of it. Wow. Yeah. And I looked over at my late husband and I was like, we're coming back tonight. And we did. And from then on, my entire journey as a medicine shaman has taken me from that to the Magdalene path, to the priestess path, to the healer path, and now to the goddess molecule path and finding that this in fact is my medicine. And that it hasn't been easy, but I've had to continually choose to steward something that is undefinable, that is ineffable, but in every sense of the word and the way is the divine speaking and feeling through me.

1:46:56And that permission is what I get to share as my Dharma. Where you were and what you're feeling right now, I know it so deeply and so intimately and I can only smile, which is why last night I was just like listening. Like if you notice, We weren't saying anything. We were like, just bring it. Just bring it. Like we're here to hold the space for that. To allow that roll call to kind of come through unobstructed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The goddess molecule is the strongest psychedelic on the face of the planet. And also the most integrative, at least in my own experience. A lot of times what I tell beautiful souls is that you integrate in the medicine, which is why I gave you the suggestion.

1:47:41You don't have to pop out of it. Oftentimes we're so excited to pop out and share that we actually haven't left the space for it to be shared within our own experience and our own landscape. So stay, be nurtured, be held, let everything else wait. I did. 45 minutes, baby. It was perfect. I was like, I'm about to hit that limit of my time. It's like, I'm going to hit the record. um it just I was it was so pleasing because it no taste took five seconds to get in it you're in it right away it's like in it was just yeah it was the most it was just the best experience the most I think sometimes this is what I want to say sometimes with mushrooms or ayahuasca or even, you know, San Pedro or other things that I've experienced, and this could just be my experience.

1:48:41You don't really know what's the consciousness has in store for you. And sometimes I feel like I'm like, okay, I'm going on your ride. I don't, you know, I know it's best for me, but I just don't know. And this was just like pure. It was just the purest thing. I don't know. it felt like they did feel like the consciousness of God versus the consciousness of like mushroom or the consciousness of ayahuasca which I feel like are their own consciousnesses that we can tune into exactly which was nice I was like wow I'm just so I am I have to say for myself and I want to hear your perspective I'm so brave like I just like thank you when these things come in I'm just like let's just do this proclaim that I'm like I'm just let's do it.

1:49:27Like I love that I can walk myself through these things and I have no fear. You know, I'm like, I'm hating myself the whole time I'm doing it. But I'm also like, you're brave, sister. You got this. What's your experience with the goddess molecule?

1:49:45As Shetam says, there is a life before the goddess and there is a life after. My first meeting was quite explosive. Let's put it like that. Um, just to set, let's set the frame, let's set the scene. It was my birthday. We were in Sweden. It was a day before we had to facilitate a retreat for 22 people. So, of course, the night before we were going to do a little ceremony. It was you too. Yeah. Beautiful. And, um. With two other beautiful souls. Two other beautiful souls. I got served. I think I went in for 10 minutes. I got out again and I was like. Yeah. I turn around and Simon's looking at me wide-eyed.

1:50:24He's like, I don't feel anything. And it wasn't cocky at all, but it was in a very Simon way. He was like, I don't feel anything. This is my normal state. Yeah, that's exactly what you said. This is my normal state. I'm not really feeling anything. Christ consciousness, my normal state. And I have a really high tolerance with some things. And I'm sure there's many answers. That's a different topic. So I got served again. And the thing with five, too, it's not exactly if you serve double, it's double the experience. If you serve triple, it's not like that. It's already in your system. And so there's already like a living origin story within your system for it to build upon.

1:51:01So there's an architecture that's already there. So I didn't serve him that much more. But I also recognized in him that your normal state is already, and this is like no value judgment to where people start, but your normal state is quite high. And so it's almost like the medicine entered into your system, met you at that height and was like, we begin from here. we don't have to start at this level now we begin from here I was in a place or moment in my life where I had to break through

1:51:34as we talked about yesterday like some door some window some limitations and let's just say that the goddess really helped me break through so within seconds after I met her the second time the second round And my whole being just exploded in this frequency that I'd never felt or met before. And it took me a few, anyway, time is relative, not really existent. It took me whatever time it took to suddenly realize that it was the consciousness of Christ that had entered my body. And the first second, it felt like the frequency was so high that I was about to explode from the inside out. Like it was so explosive.

1:52:21It was so powerful. And then it turned into, I felt, I always get touched by saying it. I felt the pain of humanity's suffering. It was like all the pain from all the humans in the world just exploded out of my third eye. And in that moment, I was even hanging at the cross being crucified.

1:52:52and I was screaming I mean I don't really I do recall that I was loud and from what I've picked up it was a lot of like primordial screams it was really deep and it's funny because we talked about it yesterday or was it today actually time relative again

1:53:17and it really took me into a state where I was maybe I was still a bit fighting it because it was such an explosive state for my body that I was twirling, moving around luckily we were in quite a big space and I definitely got around Simon made the span from side to side of probably a... Wow it was really... and that's in this iracular state of witnessing him as well and when he came out and was like I was experiencing the pain of humanity it was visible in the field right in the energetic field that there was a breaking free of the conditioning of our pains collectively and how we like we crunch them into ourself we take in the entirety of humanity's pains into ourself and the fractal that we can hold inside and what i witnessed in you and i think what we've spoken about is that you actually allowed it to not be crunched to not be clenched and it broke free in every sense of the word in the explosion of how the intimate story of our pain then became the intimate story of collective pain and the energy had to move it had to move somewhere so therefore where it came out in physical form.

1:54:39And after this twirling flying around, I suddenly found my peace in it. And in that very moment, I suddenly gained, received, found, was gifted access to all the information in the world. In that very moment, and I was slightly aware of it, but in that very moment, I had the information available of every human on the planet, every solar system, every alien race, like everything. Omniscience. And what I was told, my eyes were white. You ever see those movies, you know, kind of like the ancient movies where the oracles and their eyes turn white? Like that's literally what he turned into. I was watching him and he was just shaking and his eyes just had rolled back.

1:55:31but it was in the sense of, you know, sometimes you can still see kind of the Irish in someone's eyes, but it was completely white. And in that kind of psychic space, I was like, it was like a download. It was downloading. Got it. Like the codex. Right. It was a huge download. And I remember I was kind of like weaving like the web of the universe. I experienced the Big Bang.

1:55:59and I got out of it slowly. It changed my life. How do you think it's changed both of you?

1:56:09For me, it's anguish. For me, I'm unwell. I feel like it really underlined who I am and what I'm here for. Yeah. It really showed me the way that I want to walk, that I'm here to walk. It really showed me my deepest passion, pleasure, purpose living this life. And it was overwhelming. It was quite a mouthful in the beginning to taste and digest. But I would say it's been a great taste and still tasting very well. And I will say even since then there was even a little hesitation in the times that you've sat with it since then to even have an experience that deep. I was afraid. I can imagine. Honestly, it took me quite a few ceremonies before I wasn't afraid anymore.

1:57:05Wow. Because that moment was so big and explosive. And I was afraid I would get hurt or I would hurt someone in that process of doing it again. Monitor. I find that to be so interesting that, and please forgive me if this is not your experience, but what I've understood you to share with me is that you not only became and embodied Christ consciousness, but then the seed was planted within you to be able to share it. And I think in some of the ways that I'm able to mirror you when this fear comes up, I'm like, what is it about you being a conduit and a steward of Christ consciousness that scares you so much?

1:57:45yeah right and then it comes down to like worthiness yeah why are why am i special yeah am i really worthy of being this conduit why is it me and that's how it's changed our lives because it begs the question of what is it that we feel we are worthy to receive in this divine life and how are we able to make the space for it to fully live and code within us i think that's also why we complement each other so well because we we don't settle yeah that's it i have to take a breath on that one because that is my truth beyond my truth yeah that's one thing about me yeah i will not yeah if you're going to be in my life you're not going to settle that's one thing about me about meeting like in that moment i felt like you met the ineffable and in witnessing you meeting the ineffable therein lies my purpose yeah i want to support people in meeting their ineffable self cells and souls we are not just this even though this is beautiful this beautiful intelligent, infinite vessel.

1:59:04This is just the vehicle for us to be able to zoom across our consciousness and to understand, to feel, and to embody the largeness that cannot be defined. I think the goddess molecule is a major pathway in my life to be able to steward that, the Magdalene path, the temple codes path, and just this path of permission. I'm walking with permission. I'm sharing permission. I'm breathing with permission for something larger than the sum of my parts to plant and share and be. And that's goddess molecule, but also all the things that are the most important things of my life are really just facets of the same, really just facets of worthiness, of owning our desires, of embodiment, and of divinity.

1:59:56And that's, we just want to come back to Temple Code. I mean, that is what Temple Code is for. We don't want to teach people these things because it's already within. We want to help people remember. And almost remembering is almost kind of this rebellious spirit that we've been offered in this moment, this spiritual rebellion that is now upon us, right? The age of Aquarius is here. It is this moment where if you even look at the glyph of Aquarius, the earliest symbolism of the glyph of Aquarius was a woman. Aquarius was denoted as a woman holding a holy grail, pouring out these satiating waters over the worlds below to heal this war-torn world.

2:00:46It's a rebellious act for us to receive these waters of purification and to kind of rewire our conditioning to understand that everything is available to us? Should we just give ourselves permission, worthiness, and deservance to receive and have spaciousness for it to land and code into our experience? It's a rebellious act for us to actually be happy and for us to be in community and for us to be ecstatically delicious with our lives. And I just find like I will be the like clarion call of the rebellious spiritual person if that is what we are doing together like count me in i'm at the forefront like i'm on the white stag like let's go yeah i see it i think it's what you said important like together together we can't do it alone yeah we need we're not meant to yeah exactly that's it it's together or nothing let's go and I'm grateful I have you guys thank you for sitting with me thank you for facilitating yesterday it just meant so much to me it was so so so good so I appreciate you so deeply and I'm so grateful for audience to get to know you if they don't already and thank you for such a beautiful conversation I appreciate and love you guys love you we'll see you on the next one bye

2:02:11Thank you so much, Jatem. Thank you so much, Simon. Really appreciate you guys and your support during that really beautiful ceremony. Again, that is Je T 'aime Cherie, and she is a healer and teacher. There are a lot of other episodes. If you liked this one, we actually did a full episode with Je T 'aime, just her and I, about Mary Magdalene codes, about some super deep mystic stuff. So you can search Je T 'aime Almost 30 to find more. And if you haven't picked up our book, our book came out in 2025. It's called Almost 30, A Definitive Guide to a Life You Love for the Next Decade and Beyond. It's out now everywhere books are sold.

2:02:43I actually just got a DM the other day from my friend, um, Chrissy, who I used to do ballet with and she lives in Singapore and she saw her book in Singapore. Like on the shelf. Wow. Like how? I didn't even know it was in Singapore. We have to talk to our publisher. We're actually not going to pay it out in Singapore. So we've got other conversations to have. So cool. I was like, wow, that's pretty, that's pretty amazing. All right, guys. We love you. Thank you for listening. We appreciate you. We'll see you on the next one, two episodes every single week. Love you guys. Bye.

2:03:23We'll see you next time.