848. The Dark Night of the Soul: Anxiety, Autoimmunity + Coming Home to God

10:53Lindsey Simcik:I actually really like what she's done. But yeah, I would love a little more art. Like a little more like life in it. But I do like a clean. Yeah. And like curved line. Rounded edges.

11:07Kelsey Patel:Yeah, all of that. I know. It is like. Custom. So true. Today's episode is with a dear friend, Kelsey Battelle. I'm really pumped. You guys, if you guys don't know Kelsey, she's just a gem. Kelsey's incredible. She is a teacher. She is a speaker. She is someone that has been in the space for quite some time. And we've kind of been in each other's orbit for a while, but more recently dropped in and she's a wellness expert that's worked with some really amazing brands. She has an app called the Pure Joy app that helps people tap into their pure joy every single day. And she's also an author. And in this conversation, I wanted to really talk to her about something that we had been exploring together, which was around faith and kind of like our evolution of our spirituality journey.

11:52And I think this is relevant because a lot of people are now coming to a different place in

11:58Kelsey Patel:their path with spirituality and their relationship to God and their relationship to the tools and the practices and the rituals. And they're realizing that their practice can be so much more intuitive and so much more personal and so much more refined. And we just talked really candidly and openly. Like, you know, we've both been in the space, maybe her longer, she's probably been in 15 years. I think ours is like 10 to 12. And about what it feels like to sort of leave old practices behind, you know, like tarot or crystals or, you know, Reiki or anything like that, and move into a space where we kind of have just like this centerpiece of God in our lives, this simplicity of God in our lives and what it feels like and how it feels almost like an ego death or an identity death, or it feels like a big shift, especially when your business is built on certain things.

12:48Kelsey Patel:You know, she's been a world renowned Reiki healer and teacher for a long time. So a lot of her work is based on that methodology and that principle. And it can feel like scary to leave that type of identity behind. And secondly, we also talked about her journey with mold, black mold in her house. Girl. Wow.

13:10Lindsey Simcik:I mean, I'm hearing that more and more. And I think it's one of those things that when people have chronic issues, thankfully, it's one of the first places that they're going to check. It's, yeah, it's a real issue.

13:24Kelsey Patel:There was like a month where like every single one of my clients, I was like, do you have mold? Because half of them did. And it was like insanely harmful to their health and their mental health that makes you feel insane. Like it's, it's crazy how it impacts you from a negative perspective. And so it brought her to her knees in a way that completely reset and reformed how she sees life. And she didn't think she would live. Like she felt like insane at times. And so she comes with a really open heart and a lot of vulnerability and truth about the hardest time in her life with her health and what it felt like as a mother and a wife to go through that.

14:01Kelsey Patel:Um, and how it really restructured and reformed how she sees the world. And so I think you guys are really going to love this. It was such a fun conversation, like girls hanging, but there's so much depth and richness to it. Yeah. That's a, that's a topic I feel like, um,

14:21Lindsey Simcik:I think there's going to be more, I mean, I feel like it's already popular, but I think there's going to be more coming out around that. And just kind of like, because I think the topic of mold, of moisture in the home of like all these things is like, it's so, it can happen so easily. And so I think, yeah, I don't know when it comes to chronic illness, I think there's like, that is the root of so, so much that we're seeing that I think less people will be kind of going around and like getting all the tests on all the other things and really going

14:55Kelsey Patel:there yeah it's it's deep and i think more yeah a friend of mine in texas she just moved in they had black mold and it was like impacting so many things so yeah i think people need to check for it need to get it before they move into a house yeah i agree 100 percent no matter what even if

15:10Lindsey Simcik:it's a new house you don't know if there's been like a recent flood or even like in bathrooms in the showers like in the vents like i don't know yeah really good call yeah the house is new

15:22Kelsey Patel:but I really should just get it anyways. So you can find more from Kelsey at KelseyJPatel.com. That's K-E-L-S-E-Y. And then she's on Instagram at KelseyJPatel. So Kelsey Patel, thank you so much for joining us. And if you want more conversations on spirituality and God, we did a few episodes on that. So you can search God Almost 30, just talking about our journey, you know, kind of exploring something that's been a theme over the past couple of years with the show. And we have 800 other episodes for y 'all. So you can dig in, you can grow with us, you can evolve, you can learn so much in a way that feels approachable and fun.

15:56Kelsey Patel:We also have Morning Microdose, our second show. And then we have YouTube. You can see us on video, hanging out on YouTube. It's so fun to just like spend time together. Get fashion inspo. Yeah. And get tons of fashion inspiration. And then Almost 30 Podcast on TikTok. We share all the clips on TikTok. So you see so many different clips there. And then Almost 30 Podcast on Instagram.

16:15Lindsey Simcik:We love you guys. Enjoy this one. I feel like for a long time, money felt way more stressful than it needed to be. I stress so hard about money, especially when it came to banking and all the random fees you don't even realize you're paying. I feel like one day I woke up, I was like, wait, how was I charged$40 like eight times? What is happening? That's why I've really been into Chime. It's a smarter, fee-free way to bank that actually feels like it's built for real life, not old school banks charging overdraft and monthly fees just for existing. With Chime, you get paid up to two days early with direct deposit and their MyPay feature lets you access up to$500 of your paycheck when you choose.

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18:06Lindsey Simcik:I read something recently that completely reframed how I think about aging, and it has nothing to do with wrinkles or energy levels on the surface. Scientists just identified the first nutritional deficiency in 75 years. It's called cellular fragility syndrome. It's caused by low levels of an essential fatty acid called C15. And it turns out that this one nutrient plays a huge role in keeping ourselves strong and resilient. When C15 levels drop, our cells become fragile. They produce less energy, break down faster, and that can quietly show up as poor sleep, fatigue, and feeling like your body just isn't bouncing back the way it used to.

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19:49Kelsey Patel:Goddess here. Welcome. Holy spirit to the

19:55Kelsey Patel:Okay, guys, welcome to the pod. My sister is here. My sister in Christ. So we met many moons ago. I don't know where, but then we remet recently and it was love at first sight. And that hasn't happened to me in a really long time.

20:09Krista Williams:Do you know, I was thinking about it on the way here. I said it to somebody. I don't know if I've ever had it happen the way it happened between us. say more it was so one of my best friends is Rachel Platten she's a singer and she was really the only person other person I could think in my head like the day we met it was just one of those like she asked me to hang out longer and I was like I really want to but I don't like I had this moment totally and when I met you and obviously our paths had crossed many a times but that day and that, I don't even know what you would call it. Synchronicity is just too small.

20:53Krista Williams:I was just, I mean, it could actually make me emotional. I was like, God, you are the most mysterious in the ways that you work. I had never had that deep. I mean, people thought that day that we spoke at this event together. They thought that we were best friends. We were electric. They were like, you're a hype girl. And I was like, we've just really actually connected.

21:19Kelsey Patel:I remember once you had your little phone and you're taking your picture. I was like, sweet picture. And I saw you laughing. You're like, I suck at this. I was like, we're in. Like if my girl, we can laugh at our jokes. We were, and I think for anyone listening, a lot of what allowed it and afforded us that opportunity is trusting the timing. Like when we first, I don't know, even honestly, truthfully don't know when we've met before, but we met and we probably didn't have that spark, but we were like, it's all good. Like love and respect. And then when we came together, it was like, oh, now's the time because of where you're at in your path, where I'm at on my path.

21:51Kelsey Patel:And we also showed up really vulnerably. Like immediately we dropped into truth. Like we talked outside about stuff. Like you have to, if you want to be met in the depth of your relationships and friendships, you have to be able to go first and be vulnerable and be honest. I forget what we talked about at first.

22:07Krista Williams:Something came up. Speaking. Something about speaking. About speaking and just being, and I had left my entire notebook that had my notes to give my entire speech. And I was like, and this is my message from God. God's laughing at me right now being like, honey, if you ever think that you need a piece of paper for me to come through. and interesting I have to tell you this because I don't remember exactly where we had ever crossed paths like I think there was one speaking thing in another state and something else but I think I was intimidated by you I think because I didn't we'd never actually been introduced to one another and we'd never met that I kind of just had this like oh she doesn't want to get to know me then probably I'm not worth getting to know and like I went into my how many women said that about me

22:54Kelsey Patel:is crazy. I get, um, there's a part of my texture that brings up, um, I think that brings up something for people. Yeah.

23:04Krista Williams:It must've been that because I, I just had this sense of like, well, I don't, there's probably just not, maybe there's just not chemistry. Maybe there's just not a, like a simpatico about it. And I literally remember, I didn't tell you this yet because I wanted to save it and share it when we had time to just sit. And you're like, I met you before and you're a big ass bitch and everyone needs to know. You gave me mean girls. No, not at all. It was, I remember that day when I was parking, you were walking up to the event and they didn't, you picked a wedgie. Just kidding. But you were walking up and I remember literally saying a prayer being like, God, I like, this is, she's the one person that I just don't feel like I know.

23:51Krista Williams:And I, we're both going to be speaking at this event. And I literally said, God, I give this to you. Like I felt this slight. And I, I mean, I'm 44 years old. I don't really get intimidated. I've just seen a lot. I've been around in LA. Like I just, you had enough experiences where you're kind of like, what the fuck? And, but I had this mild, very mild, but it was there intimidation. And I remember I literally made the sign of the cross and I was like, God, I give this, I give this all to you. And then low to me driving home being like, I think I just met my new life. Like, you know what, God, you did your thing.

24:32Krista Williams:Thank you for once again, proving me so wrong Totally. In anything I was creating.

24:39Kelsey Patel:I think, yeah, there's, um, I, I've been told that so many times and I don't, I could see it. I think it's cause I'm tall. I think it's cause I'm powerful. You're beautiful.

24:51Krista Williams:You have the very, like, I mean, we were just talking about it outside. You have what probably for many women, myself included can represent the things that I felt I wasn't good enough at, like I wasn't quite tall. I wasn't somebody that was striking as a younger woman. I had to really, you know, my cousin who's so beautiful said to me the other day, I'm so glad we were kind of ugly when we were teenagers because it really made us develop our personality and our, our way of being able. Yeah. Our wit, our humor, our sense, our sensibility, We are like, we had to work a little bit to be in the group and in the experiences and all of it.

25:40Krista Williams:And at first I was like, rude. And then I'm like, oh, actually you're 100 % right. When I look back at those photos, it was definitely personality.

25:49Kelsey Patel:It's funny because I, hearing that is so nice, but it's, I didn't, I would say I, you know, I don't, I perceive myself. I love the way I look, But and I've had to earn that because I think I've been so insecure in my life. And when I was younger, I was so I felt so chubby. I was like really off and I was really kind of fell off and weird. And so it's so interesting to hear that because there's still a part of me that's like, what? You know, I'm not in that experience, but it was so beautiful to be with you. And just the texture of vulnerability and heart that you're bringing through right now and the type of.

26:26Kelsey Patel:of energy. And when you spoke, it was so powerful, dude. Like I love, and we both talked about, we want to be amazing speakers. You're an amazing speaker. Like, and you sharing the story of what you've been going through. And I just wanted to kind of bring that through as we start the conversation, because most people probably know you and, you know, see you for meditation and Reiki and everything that you've done. But when you talked about what you've been through since 2024 and struggling with an illness that you didn't know and bringing like being brought to your knees. It just really, it was profound.

27:00So can you bring us to the past years when you were

27:03Kelsey Patel:really struggling? Yeah.

27:06Krista Williams:I mean, it even gets me emotional to think about it because the part that's the most emotional for me is thinking about people going through what I went through without having faith. Like that to me is my, oh, now is when I think about people who have had illnesses that have gone undiagnosed, people who get a diagnosis that maybe they're prepared for, maybe they're completely unprepared for mental health challenges. I mean, I don't really think you can live in the world right now and not feel a sense of just the world is, is so fast and things are happening so quickly. And we live in LA, we just had the fires.

27:54We just like, it, it's this sense of kind of always having something that a ball that can drop or something that can rattle

28:03Krista Williams:you. Right. And my experience, and I can get into it as much as you want, but I think that the overarching theme for me and the takeaway, which is why we had such a profound connection at that event. That was really one of the first speaking events that I did. And some could call me unprepared for it. Some could call me radically prepared for it. I mean, I was, for your audience to know, I literally got up on stage and just started fucking bawling. And, but that is to me, one of the things that I think is so profound about going through one of the biggest challenges of your life. Like to date, that was the hardest year of my life.

28:47Krista Williams:And I've gone through a lot of shit. Um, and the thing that got me through it though, and actually brought me back to my depth and faith and in Christ and in what I grew up, I grew up Irish Catholic, my grandparents, My grandpa was an usher. We were at church every Sunday, but it was kind of, it always just felt sort of like obligatory, which is what we did. And, and I've always been a faithful spiritual person, but when you feel like you're going to die, you want to die sometimes. The only thing that got me through that time, especially having, having what everybody said was worth living for, You know, I had a young daughter.

29:31Krista Williams:She was two at the time. I have an amazing loving husband, incredible family, community, a career I love, a beautiful home. Like I have so many of the things, but I didn't feel safe in my body. And when that happens, like the only thing that got me through was prayer, faith. I would literally sit with this cross on my chest at night and be like, Jesus, take the wheel or take me. I rebuke this energy. I was like, anything like, and, but it fucking worked. Like it worked. And my Rachel, who I said earlier, she is such a sister in faith to me. And we would literally go on walks together and we would sit down at a tree, some random person's tree in our neighborhood crazy ass women no that's my that's my friends

30:26Kelsey Patel:like unless we're stopping to say hi to flowers yeah we're not talking to squirrels yeah we're

30:30Krista Williams:not going on a walk it's totally same i can't wait for us to do it no literally we call them our god walks we go and we walk and we talk and then we do prayer while we're walking and talking and praying and seeing the things talking to dogs yes of course i'm like we're talking to all the animals like my friends are talking i'm like hey little bird yeah a hundred percent oh look at that Hummer. That's all it is. And, but I remember this day I had a stye on my eye. I literally was like, I can't be alive anymore. And Rachel was like, we're going to go to my favorite tree. So we go to this tree and she's, she's like, they think I'm crazy, but that's okay.

31:07Krista Williams:She sits at the tree. She puts me at another tree, literally in front of somebody's house. And she's like, dear God, God, it's time for you to heal my sister. We are here. We know that this is her. And she just went on this prayer. And I just sat there and I was sobbing. And I was like, I am so blessed because I have people in my life that are praying for me when I don't have the strength to pray. My mom was at the church every day, lighting candles, saying her rosary. My neighbor across the street was saying like, and God in this time of my life was showing himself to me through all the people around me because I couldn't see it and find it for myself.

31:57Lindsey Simcik:You know how in your twenties, your body starts slowing down in ways you don't notice at first. Definitely started for me in like my late twenties, maybe early thirties. Your joints feel a little stiffer, skin less plump, energy dips. Yeah. Okay. That's when I started paying attention to collagen. Paleo Valley's bone broth protein is made from 100 % grass-fed, grass-finished beef bones, slow simmered from small-scale regenerative farms. They do it right. I am obsessed. I'm like kind of holding myself back because I am so obsessed for their bone broth protein. I actually have it in my little cup over there.

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33:19Lindsey Simcik:Again, my favorite is the chocolate bone broth protein. I will make sure to put this with hot water. Sometimes I'll add like a little dash of milk, even though you don't really need it. They have like a really clean coconut powder in there that gives it that creaminess, but it is so delicious. I'm telling everyone about it. Again, that's paleovalley.com slash almost 30. The code is A30, A30 at checkout for 15 % off your purchase. Okay. One of my goals for 2026 was to actually train consistently. It's hard as a mom, but I'm doing it. I'm committed. That means I'm lifting heavy and trying to build as much muscle as possible.

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35:13Kelsey Patel:I think that's the, I'm so glad that you said that because I think that's been a part of my process that I didn't expect. So when I thought God talked to me, I was like, it has to be the voice. It has to be the man. It has to be me in prayer. And he's like, hello, Krista. Yeah. Like a conversation. Yeah, exactly. Like he's like the 10 commandments.

35:35Krista Williams:Totally.

35:36Kelsey Patel:And it's been the process of God speaking through people to me.

35:41Krista Williams:Yes.

35:42Kelsey Patel:God, you know, having the man on my flight sitting next to me and I'm on my computer and he goes, everything you touch turns to gold, huh? I had no idea who this man was, anything about him. Whenever I felt like I've lost faith in who I am and what I do, someone will say something to me. You know, it's like every single time I hit my faith limit where I'm like, oh, I don't know, like someone will speak to me. So just for anyone listening in the audience, just remembering that God works through people. God works through the ways that you listen and that you can hear and you can almost attune to, and I can realize, and you probably can too, when it's God speaking and when it's someone else.

36:22Kelsey Patel:Because it will almost be something that seems out of left field. That's something that I deeply understand, but they might not even understand that they're saying to me.

36:30Krista Williams:A hundred percent.

36:31Kelsey Patel:And so I just want to, before we go into that, like with your sickness, so you got, what was the progression of your sickness and what were you sick with? Yeah.

36:41Krista Williams:So I was quote unquote healthy. I had my daughter. You're like, I was healthy. I was hot. I was sexy. There was not as many grays in the head as there are now. They called me Beachbody. Obviously I was getting fought for swimsuit covers. But I, you know, I was doing well. I had had my daughter. We weren't trying to have a child. We got very beautifully and unexpectedly pregnant when I was 39. I had my daughter at age 40, you know, went through all the ups and downs of having a child, but then also having a child at a later age. I felt very healthy. I breastfed for a long time. So I've, I had a lot of immunity stuff and I'd kind of always had that a lot in my thirties.

37:26Krista Williams:Like I had shingles, I had mono, I had all the shit. And so immunity was a thing for me. And, And, but I never really dove deeper into that. I just was kind of like, oh yeah, I'm the girl. If I say someone sees it on a plane, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to have a sinus infection for a few days. And that was just kind of my thing. And then I, we moved into this new house. We'd been living in downtown LA when my daughter was born. It became very obvious that downtown LA was not the right place to live with a newborn because of, it was just getting really crazy, very dangerous. And we lived there for over 10 years.

38:03Krista Williams:So we moved to a neighborhood in LA. It's a little bit outside the city. And we moved into a brand new house. It was beautiful. And about a year into living there, when it was heavy rains in LA, now it's about a year and a half ago, my daughter's wall started to leak. And we were like, well, that's weird. And it was just like water coming down the sides of the wall. And a friend of ours who was a contractor was like, well, let's figure out where the leak is. So we opened up the walls in her room, both sides. Her crib was right in the middle, opened up the walls and just put a little piece of plastic on it.

38:37Krista Williams:So the wall, the room was just like swinging with these plastic things. Didn't think anything of it. We had gone on this amazing trip to Mexico for a few days with our daughter. It was like, and I remember specifically Krista feeling like life can't get any better than this. I was, I was always taking, I had done a lot of, what's it called? Nutrition response testing. I'd gone in and out of doing a protocol, which is a shit ton of supplements. And I just remember on that trip, I was up and I were both like, let's not take any supplements. Let's just be here. And I was sleeping great. So I had this, just this feeling of like, wow, aliveness, you know, just flow.

39:16Krista Williams:And we got home and about a week later in the middle of the night, I woke up and I had started to feel a bit of anxiety. And I just felt like things, I said, I remember having a conversation with my husband saying things just, I feel like I'm about to, the water is going to tip over the edge. Like I just started to feel things were increasing, like stress and other stuff was getting too much. And at that point I had gone back to doing private clients. I wasn't doing Reiki anymore, but I was really doing more coaching. I was so fucking good at it and I loved loved it. And, but I felt like my, the water was just going to fall over the edge one day.

39:57Krista Williams:And we were about to have a family photo shoot. I have two step-sons, our older boys, and we're all like just a beautiful unit together. And so we were going to have this, our first and only photo shoot. And I went to bed that night and I had the craziest experience I've ever had physically. I turned over in bed and my whole head felt like these massive planets were just like spinning and clunking together. It was vertigo, but it felt like, and I was like, what the fuck? And I turned over and it happened again. And I was like panicking inside, but I also was trying to stay calm and I couldn't really sleep the rest of the night.

40:40Krista Williams:I woke up the next morning and I was just like dizzy and off. I canceled the photo shoot. I had gone to the person I was getting nutrition response testing. It was like, oh, you got some inflammation in your brain, like a shit ton of supplements, shit ton of supplements, shit ton of supplements. And nothing was getting better. A friend of ours who does like natural home stuff said, have you guys tested for mold? And I'm in the meantime, like spiraling into now I'm going to get brain scans. I'm going to, I'm carrying around pee jugs. I have bruises in my arms from IVs because I was just unwell.

41:15Krista Williams:And we basically went, started getting testing, found out we had mold. So we started doing mold remediation in my daughter's room. It's kind of all happened at the same time. My husband and I were going to New York. I was meeting with my book agent again. I was getting ready to write my second book. I was meeting with my speaking agent and I started waking up with panic attacks. And I was like, what is this? And I would wake up and it would feel like, and my heart would be racing. I stopped being able to eat. Anytime I sat, I couldn't sit, I couldn't lay. Anything I did brought on the disequilibrium, the dizziness.

41:52Krista Williams:So I was really, I mean, I was, there's pictures of me in New York that I've never shared, but I'm literally standing on the streets with my husband, just sobbing. I was sobbing the entire plane ride there. Like I was this weeping, emotional, and I'm always a crier. Like if I'm happy, I'm crying. If I'm sad, I'm crying. It's like, I always have deep emotions, but this was different. And at this point, I'm now talking to, I stopped sleeping. We get back from New York and I just stopped sleeping. And I had two nights where I didn't sleep one second. And I remember waking up waking up. I remember waking up my husband in the early morning saying, I remember the exact pajamas I had on.

42:42Krista Williams:And I was like, you need to take me into a psychiatric ward. I can't stay alive. I don't want to stay alive. So I need to go somewhere where I can't not be alive. and it was terrifying. Like I felt so, it felt so impossible to be in my body. And I'm a very, I've always been a very embodied person. I was a dancer. I was, I owned fitness studios. Like I, my body is my everything. And it was terrifying. And I, long story short, went to every, I mean, I was wearing a heart monitor. I was at heart, like I was everywhere. And I was in therapy twice a week. I mean, then that was hard because like I would sit down and the room would spin.

43:33Krista Williams:And finally, this naturopathic doctor from Amen Clinic, we were talking about stuff. She was giving me my reviews of my brain scan and she was the first one. She got on the phone with my psychiatrist. I'd never had a psychiatrist in my life. I was on Seroquel, which is one of the strongest antipsychotic medications you can take. It was all to help me sleep. At one point I was on Trazodome, didn't do anything. I got on Clonazepam for a minute to try to sleep. I got on, like I was just like, if you could tell me to eat a tree and I would figure out how to swallow bark in order to sleep, like anything to try and rest.

44:18Krista Williams:And then my anxiety was so stressed about sleeping. So people told me I was perimenopause. I mean, I got every doctor I went to, which was very interesting. Every doctor gave me their version of a diagnosis and they were all wrong. Meaning there might've been truths to some of them, but ultimately this naturopath, and I thank God for her all the time. I had said, oh, sorry, there's construction. We had mold in my daughter's room. And she was like, hold on, we need to do some testing for you for mold. And I was like, what? So it was in my daughter's room. She had had temperatures like fevers. And lo and behold, my mycotoxin urine test was off the charts.

45:03Krista Williams:It turns out I have a genetic, three-time genetic susceptibility and sensitivity to mold. And then lo and behold, my daughter's room is done and I'm still have symptoms. We do testing all over our house. There's fucking mold everywhere in our house. It was all over our kitchen floor, our kitchen island. Every time you opened it up, there was one of the worst type of molds, like just wafting into our air. It was coming up from underneath our house. So I was the canary in the coal mine for my entire family and our entire home. And then it was being sick, not sleeping, and then having our entire home under construction.

45:49Krista Williams:Like we were basically made a mini fridge and a mini microwave in our bar room. At one point, I was living at Rachel's house at one point with my husband and daughter. At one point, we were living at our neighbor's house across the street, who also, she's Filipino, and she happens to be one of the most devout Catholic people. Like she and I would sit and pray together. So it's just this phenomenal, I guess, it was this phenomenal awakening for me of gratitude and being so surrendered to the process. Like I tried to start a detox protocol for mold and anybody who's ever had mold and, or who thinks they might, it's, it is a motherfucker and it gets everywhere.

46:43Krista Williams:I mean, we had to have our entire house like HEPA because they were like, Like everybody says, throw your shit out, move. I'm like, well, that's not exactly an option for everybody. And it wasn't an option at that time for us. And so we had to have our whole house HEPA vacked and cleaned. And it was so, our entire kitchen island got demoed. We still to this day have two plastic cardboard like tables as we're kitchen island. and it is so profound to me because I don't know if I would have ever figured out that it was mold and again I think it was a myriad of things I think I was taking too many supplements I think I did have stress that was you know just bubbling up from stuff I think I had gotten a deep tissue massage I did yoga the next day I did rabbit pose like maybe I pulled some tendon in my neck.

47:39Krista Williams:You know, like I think it was, you know, this sort of concoction of many things, but I think the mold really set it all off. And then to find out that we were living in this, I don't know where we would have been in five years if we had stayed living in this house without this massive experience. And me being on all that medicine was also one of the most healing things because I grew up with a mom who struggled deeply with mental health. And I watched her in and out of psych wards. And I watched her take psychiatric medication that wasn't always good for her. And sometimes it was really good for her.

48:19Krista Williams:And so I had stories that I was living that got healing because I had to take psychiatric medication. I had to. And it was the most profound thing for me to be like, thank you, God, for this medicine. Thank you for letting me sleep. And so there was just, it was so many things.

48:49Kelsey Patel:yeah with my dad and his parkinson's and alzheimer's so we were trying to get when he was diagnosed with parkinson's like six years ago he got on the drugs right away and i was like you know i'm gonna heal you my way and we got him to see a doctor on all these supplements and da da da and it eventually ended up counteracting the supplements that he was there the medicine he was taking. And I was like, okay, like this just isn't my thing. And, you know, I think a lot of times in life we can, that's why I'm flexible about my beliefs about things. Cause I don't know what God's going to do to my life.

49:28Kelsey Patel:You know, I don't know what God wants for me. And I think with medication and drugs, it's like, we can't choose how God's going to help us. And it's like, sometimes God's going to help us through medication and sometimes he's going to help us through holistic means. And I think it's really beautiful because in our space, it can be like an attachment to one or the other. Obviously my preference is none, but it's like, it does really change the mentality. In your process, it's interesting because I've seen a lot of people who struggle deeply lose faith. So what made you have more faith?

50:08Krista Williams:I don't know I think it was this like I there were so many people who helped me so many people like my sister's wife her name's Charisse at one point they had to come because I was so unwell that I I mean I like physically couldn't take care of my child and my husband was there and was amazing through it all but he had shit Like we had, we own a hotel together. We own an avocado farm. He has other, but like we needed help. And they came. And I think me trusting the words of other people and my sister's wife had said to me, pain does not last forever. This is temporary. You are going to get through this.

51:05Krista Williams:having my mom, who I had such a, I would call it complicated relationship with for a lot of my life. I would have, I talked to her every day, twice a day. She was my anchor. My sister, I had to talk to every single day. Rachel, I would talk to all the time. My friend Ryan Weiss, my friend Jordan, I would talk to these people who had been through really, really tough times and they would all tell me God's doing something. God's doing, and I'll never forget Rachel. And I'd be so annoyed with her because I'd be like, shut the fuck up. Like I want to die. And she'd be like, Oh, God is doing something so incredible for you right now, Kelsey.

51:52Krista Williams:And I was like, this is, that is so insane for you to even like think that that's possible because because I genuinely don't know if I want to be alive right now. And she's been very open about her mental health, postpartum and other stuff. So to have, and even my husband had had a period of his life where he needed to get on medication for sleep before we had even met. And so to have these people that I love so dearly and to have them constantly hold faith for me was actually everything. And to me now, to this day, the most important thing in my life, the number one priority I have besides God and my, you know, my family and tending to all of us is community.

52:44Krista Williams:They, my community got me through that darkest time of my life. And if I didn't have them, I actually, I can sit here today and tell you, I don't know where I would be. Like I know that for a fact.

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56:23Kelsey Patel:It's interesting, too, to be able to be, you know, I think it's also the buildup of the work that you've done to be able to be a woman that can metabolize someone saying that to you and still feel feel the feeling of annoyance, but also kind of know the truth of it. you know I remember in what it was like 2020 and I was having what you know all of us were having a hard year I was having an especially hard year and I was really struggling with something something and I called one of my friends I called Lacey and I was like telling her I was like this is really deep like the deepest most confronting thing of my life up until that point she was like oh this is good.

57:04Kelsey Patel:She's like, on the other side of this is so big. She's like, this is so good. And I just was like, it was one of those moments. I was literally on the corner outside of my apartment.

57:15Krista Williams:I remember exactly where I was. And I just was like, that it changed my brain.

57:21Kelsey Patel:She's like, this is so good. Whatever. She's like, how deep this is, is how big it's going to get.

57:24Krista Williams:And I believe it now to be like when people tell me, you know, their stories of mold or the pain that, I mean, I get, I do everything that you're not supposed to do on social media, which is like, I'm in my DMs all the time. You're like, I'm comparing myself to people. A little bit of time focusing on your grid. I was like, no, no, no. There's so many DMs. I'm literally coaching people. Yeah, same. And I'm so thankful. I get messages from people about these experiences that they're going through. And many of them are in similar places where they have young kids. They either are dealing with mime or mold or some type of autoimmune thing and it feels hopeless.

58:13Krista Williams:And even today before this, I was having a meeting with a woman. I sit on the national board of a nonprofit and she has young kids and she was telling me, she's like, my baseline is exhausted. And I was like, and say no more. I was like, you need to go get an entire metabolic exam. You need to get your hormones checked. You need to see where your DHEA is. Like I've learned too much now, but this is the part about God that I think I just want to share with everybody, if I may, is one of the things I started to not like before I got sick was how many supplements the wellness industry tells people to take.

58:57Krista Williams:And I had worked with a practitioner and I actually love the person and the practitioner, but I don't love what the practice represents. And I was starting to be like, this doesn't seem right. Like I D I know deep down that I do believe food is the medicine relationships. Community is the medicine nature, love. Like I know that. I know this is true. And so I was kind of always thinking of how can I eventually lean more into this and learn more and not live in a world where I'm taking like fucking eight to 15 supplements. Like it's normal every day. And lo and behold, do you know that right now on this day in 2025, do you know how many supplements I take a day?

59:49Krista Williams:Zero. And it's not because I did it on purpose. It's because of the way that I had to go all the way in. I had to get on psychiatric medication. I had to, I was on progesterone at one point for me to go to bed. I was taking 50 milligrams of progesterone, 0.5 Ativan, 25 milligrams of Seroquel. At one point it was 75. And that was, I was a walking zombie. Then I was taking two magnesium, two cortisol manager, and I think something else like an L-theanine gummy.

1:00:28Lindsey Simcik:And

1:00:28Krista Williams:even that was like possibility of a full night's sleep or not.

1:00:32Lindsey Simcik:Wow.

1:00:33Krista Williams:I was so like, honestly and I needed it and it's just crazy to me that because I went on this journey and that that amazing naturopathic doctor I told you about she was the one that was like I need you to see now that you're not going crazy there's nothing wrong with you you had a massive neurotoxin create incredible inflammation in your brain. Because I thought I was going crazy. I was literally like, this is it. My mother's mental health has come for me. I will now be a mother to a child that is in and out of psych wards. Like it was all my trauma and the stories coming. So the healing that I got to do through all of this was on another level.

1:01:27Krista Williams:That is insane about your mom. Insane.

1:01:31Kelsey Patel:How did it make you approach? So a lot of women in our community, I've talked about the mother wound a bit.

1:01:35Krista Williams:I struggled with that relationship.

1:01:37Kelsey Patel:It's something that I feel really strongly about. How did that make you relate to her differently? What was sort of the healing there?

1:01:46Krista Williams:First of all, she literally walked me through my experience hand in hand before I knew that it was mold. because I did, I mean, I was undiagnosed for many months, just walking around being like, I am having a mental health crisis and I want to die. And I think I might die.

1:02:01Kelsey Patel:What did your mental health crisis feel like? Terrifying. Was it like, I don't know where I am?

1:02:06Krista Williams:Like, what was it? It was, okay, to be specific, it was terrified of sleep because I wasn't sleeping. It was racing heart. It was intrusive images. Like I'd close my eyes and be like, what the fuck? And it was terrifying. It was like, it was as if all the brain protectors that keep us like able to walk about and be in the world were like, and it's crazy then because it's not safe with

1:02:38Kelsey Patel:your eyes closed or alone or awake.

1:02:42Krista Williams:That's why it felt like I couldn't be in my own body. I was like, nothing here is safe. If I just go on, I mean, I would literally leave my house and I would just go on a walk and I'd be like, this is the only thing that feels sort of okay. Just like walking with no direction, but just fucking walking. And I mean, even like putting my daughter down for bed, I was like, I don't like, I was just dizzy. And I was like, I don't trust myself. I mean, it was terrifying. I mean, I couldn't even eat. I would bowl and I love food so much. And a bowl of food would be in front of me. And I'd be like, like everything that I knew to be safe was terrifying.

1:03:24Krista Williams:So that was my mental health journey. And I think the part that was really the fuckery for me of it was like, this is going to be forever. This is never going to change. It's only going to get worse. This is all it will ever be. And that was hard. And so having my mom, who I knew had walked through the fire over and over and over again, having my mom tell me, you are going to get through this. You are going to get through this. Kelsey Jane, you have never presented with mental health in your life. This is going to be okay. There is something else. And that naturopathic doctor, the fact that she got on the phone with my psychiatrist, this horrible psychiatrist I had in the beginning who just kept upping the Seroquel.

1:04:15Krista Williams:And my husband had worked in pharma before and he was like, babe, you're like a buck 15. Like you cannot, you can't just keep upping the Seroquel. Like this is not a solution. And this naturopathic doctor was the only one. She got on the phone with the psych and I was on the call and she said, it is my job to be a detective for Kelsey and help her get to the root problem. Because this doctor was like, is it possible that all this searching is just going to make Kelsey even more anxious? So basic in her diagnosis. And this naturopath was like, I am going to help her figure out what happened to her.

1:04:55Krista Williams:And she did. And the day that I got my mold test results, both genetically and physically, I was sobbing. I still was really unwell. I tried to do a detox and I got a stye on my eye for 12 weeks. I thought I was going blind. Like it was a nightmare. My body was pulsing with electrical things, like everything, my eye kept twitching. Like I felt so out of control, but to know that now there was something that was actually in my body that I hadn't answered to was so profound. And I had disequilibrium for like a year. It wasn't like this shit all went away and I didn't do a formal detox. I think that's one of the biggest things out there about mold is a lot of people go straight into taking charcoal binders and detoxing.

1:05:50Krista Williams:My functional medicine doctor that I finally found after all these other practitioners was like gut first, then your hormones. And then if you need to detox, we'll detox. But every other practitioner was like, take a binder. You got to detox. You got to do it. And that was too much for my body.

1:06:11Kelsey Patel:It's so interesting, the mold thing, because, and I don't know how much time I want to spend on it, but all my clients, it's like coming through so much. All of them. Totally.

1:06:24Krista Williams:Every person I know. Same. And people that are friends of mine that I've known for years in the wellness industry are now finding out that they have mold. And I'm talking everywhere. And I don't, you know, some could call it in my old career hat, we'd say people would, we could talk about the energetics of it and all that, of course. But I think now it's kind of like, I don't know if I have a good association to it, but it's almost like once we find out that something is a quote unquote perpetrator, something that's cause and effect, it just, it's almost like all of the shades are taken off and it's very visible now.

1:07:11Krista Williams:And so it's not, I think many people have suffered from mold poisoning and not known and been labeled as having a psychotic break labeled as, you know, hyper allergy, immune, or whatever it would be called. I don't, so I don't think that it's new. I just think that we're all becoming more aware of how potent and impactful it is.

1:07:43Kelsey Patel:in this process too like you know i've since i've known you i think our paths it's been interesting to see like the spiritual path and my spiritual path like has been very public of how it sort of shifted and evolved like you know growing up catholic and then sort of losing i kind of lost the faith i think i was i didn't lose the faith but i was always existential like i was always just like what's the point what are we doing here type thing and i was always in conversation with something. And I was always led by something greater. And I've never not had a moment in my life where I felt like there was, I wasn't collaborating with something, but I didn't really have claim, claim to God.

1:08:20Krista Williams:Yeah.

1:08:20Kelsey Patel:And I think at the beginning of the podcast, we were just so curious about so many things like crystals, you know, tarot, oracle, like all of it, you know, all that stuff.

1:08:30Krista Williams:You don't have black tourmaline under your chair. Honestly, I would do workout

1:08:34Kelsey Patel:classes with crystals in my bra. They would all like fly out.

1:08:36Krista Williams:I'd put it on my mat. Same. I'm protected.

1:08:40Kelsey Patel:Life is good. Yeah. I feel like, I mean, I've had over 400 readings in my life. Like it's just like a whole thing. And so how has your spiritual practice changed?

1:08:53Krista Williams:It's changed. Like, I don't, it's almost like I don't have a word for it because it's just like every part of it has changed like I don't how do you explain this like how do you even

1:09:08Kelsey Patel:I just know that this is what I think first the first thought that comes to my mind is this is why I don't like labels because I just I'm gonna change my mind I'm gonna never be the same this is why I never want to talk about politics because I don't know what I'm gonna feel in the next year that whatever this is why I never want to claim anything this is why I never want to be like, I am the goddess Oracle, you know, because then in two years, I'm like, I am. Yeah, I am a nun. Yeah, 100%. So that's the first thing I think is that I never want to attach to a label. I think for me, what has been so interesting, and it is so interesting now, because I do feel like the conversation about God is coming online so much more deeply and truly.

1:09:48Kelsey Patel:And I think the conversation about Christ does as well. And I think for me on my path, I was so grateful that I was a teacher was brought to me that I worked with for two years that really brought God back into my life in a way that I had been missing and I think before I was feeling so I felt so much more scared and I felt so much more lost and I think I was connecting to so many things and reaching so far outside of myself. And ever since I recommitted to God and have a connection with God, and I say, God, it's been so much peace and so much clarity and so much ease. You know, I can get on my prayer mat and just do my prayers, do my thing.

1:10:35Kelsey Patel:And it's like, I feel good for the day. I don't need a hundred things. And I'm not saying that crystals are bad or don't have energetic power or meaning or like none of it is necessarily, you know, I don't condone it or anything like that. But it's like you just graduate kind of beyond some of the spiritual entertainment. I love, first of all, how does it feel to say that out loud? Have you ever said it before?

1:11:03Krista Williams:Yeah.

1:11:03Kelsey Patel:Okay. I don't know if I've said spiritual entertainment, but I've talked about like how when you commit to something bigger like God, it's just so much more grounding than like a bag of rocks. Yeah. You know, I just, and I just only can speak to my experience. You know, where was I? I was on a call the other day and one of my best friends is like, you're like God's PR person. And I was like, I am. Like, I'm just, I'm here for it. Like I'm here for, what I'm here for is for people to find the peace that I know having a relationship with your creator can give you and understanding that there's like a benevolent energy that is co-creating a life with you that you love and understanding that you're loved infinitely and deeply no matter who you are and where you are and understanding that you're here for purpose, on purpose, with purpose, and that it's just all possible for you and that it's all happening for your greatest good.

1:11:55Kelsey Patel:like all of the goodness of the spirituality came through with God so it's felt for me right and true and on time and there's no part of me that feels scared of what people are going to think of me or judged you know I just am like okay I it's oh amen amen amen I think you know I had stopped my Reiki career a couple years ago do you have a massive Reiki business

1:12:24Krista Williams:massive. Massive. And I started to become known in ways that I was like, not ever intending to be, like people are like, oh, she's the blah, blah, blah. She's the boo. And I was like, what? Like, this was not the plan. And even when I would do Reiki, you know who I called in every time? Jesus Christ. Wow. Cool. I was always, even in the teachings, nobody taught me that, but I was always saying a prayer to Christ before I would do it. So in many ways, people would always be like, oh, be careful about Reiki stuff. It's, you know, it's devil. It's da, da, da. And I kind of get now on this side, I can kind of see what they mean because of where people can feel like they are the ones doing it versus the higher power.

1:13:12Krista Williams:And most Reiki practitioners are always connecting and knowing that it's not them doing the healing, it's connecting to something bigger. But I was always bringing Christ in. And, but I felt, I always felt like something was missing for me. Like some, I even started, if I'm being fully honest, I, like I cringe a little bit now when people say my name and use the word Reiki. And it's not because I think Reiki is a beautiful practice for people. I love that people get healing from it. I know I've literally trained thousands of people in it and who are doing healing work. But for me, you know, the reason I stopped was more because I started to get bombarded by people like asking for like crisis Reiki.

1:14:03Krista Williams:And that just felt very scary to me where it was like, oh, somebody's kids in the hospital or something, you know, big life stuff was happening and people were calling on me to send Reiki. And then it felt very intrusive. It felt like I didn't have a weekend or I'm taking my husband somewhere special and now somebody's texting me this long thing. So I started to feel this sense of almost like, and it wasn't what anybody was intending, but I started to feel like I was getting attacked by all these asks. And the people who really know me know I'm actually a very private person. Like I have a big public persona, but I'm a very private person.

1:14:48Krista Williams:And - That's how all the greats are.

1:14:50Kelsey Patel:Right. It's actually one of the 48 laws of power to be able to make people feel like you're very close to them, but also be very private.

1:14:57Krista Williams:Yeah. I'm very private. And my husband and I are. And the people who really know us actually know that. And so for me, that was just a very, it felt a little unsafe is the right word, I guess. And after many moments of sitting with it and really starting to understand it more, I now know why. It's because God does all that. I don't do that. And I think what I was missing, now, now I will always want to pray with someone. I will always want to pray for someone, but to sit and do an act of healing when I know that God's doing it and God has the relationship with someone directly, that almost feels disrespectful, you know?

1:15:49Krista Williams:And again, I don't want to take away from the work that I did and from the work that I know people are doing, but for me right now I have such a different level especially and for anybody who's out there who's been through this they know what I mean like when you've been brought to your knees and you really are like I don't feel like there's anything left and then you turn to faith and you turn to God and you turn to that that I'll say the word magic but really it's that devotion the benevolence, the connection, the kindness, you know, the grace, then the feeling I have now, there's just so much faith for the path.

1:16:38Krista Williams:And I'm like any human, I get caught up. My ego sometimes gets the leash and is trying to lead the way. But I don't know. I just, I feel so excited about what God's going to do. And it's so much more than I could ever come up with and do. Interesting because even a lot of the, I don't, I don't, when people say new age,

1:17:04Kelsey Patel:I've literally been in this work for 15 years. I don't know what you're talking about. So I don't know if it's new age or not what I'm saying, but I think a lot of the beliefs and teachings of someone or of new age work can be, can almost be, it has been taught in Christianity or can be part of the Christian faith. So as the example, like this can only be good is one of my thoughts. Like whenever anything happens, I'm like, this can only be good. Someone outside of like God might be like thinking that as well. And it's positive thinking, which is great. But even when you have faith in God, I'm like, because of God, this can only be good.

1:17:35Kelsey Patel:You know, so it's not even far-fetched. I think when you bring God in the room, I think if you've been in the spiritual world, it's almost for me what it felt like was, I'm going to the source. Even in my practice, I remember when I first started working with angels, like when I was like previous, I'm reiki master teacher level, Mary Magdalene, Yusui, et cetera. But I think I, when I started working with angels for stuff, I was like, okay, I'm working with angels. And then I'm like, and the reason why I was working with angels is because they were a higher level than working with, oh my God, my ears are raining.

1:18:07Kelsey Patel:They were a higher level than like ancestors. Like if they were like, oh, I was like, I'm not talking to grandma. I'm like, grandma don't have shit to say to me. Like, and then it was, you know, so I was already putting them in like my own little personal hierarchy. And then I was like, well, why wouldn't I just go to God? Like, why wouldn't I just go to like the one that is the most pure, the one that will never have any distortions, any illusions.

1:18:30Krista Williams:Yeah.

1:18:31Kelsey Patel:And I think also being in the space of spirituality and seeing spiritual interference and hijacking and seeing both the dark and the light, I think you understand things more truly. And I think actually my understanding of darkness, of shadow and of evil, you know, in life and true evil really helped me to move toward the faith in a way that was like, oh, this is what I proclaim and claim. Yeah.

1:18:56Krista Williams:And also what you, what you are choosing to make sure that you're a part of, you know, like, and I actually had a lot of what was interesting in my connection, my reconnection and my commitment to God and Christ, particularly, it brought up a lot of my unworthiness, where I felt like I didn't, like, I have stuff I want to talk about or that I need help with. but like, I can't waste God's time. I can't waste Christ. Christ is so busy. I'm so glad you're talking about this. Like I don't have, I should not take any of the mic time of people who need Christ. And that was so, that has been so profound for me and I still struggle with it sometimes, but that has been a really big experience for me in terms of just seeing other parts of myself come up.

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1:21:07Kelsey Patel:Oh, I'm so grateful you said that because I'd love to talk about like how you pray and prayer. And that is so powerful. I was at this, I was at this like spiritual group thing and I've wanted to run into traffic after because I was like this is my nightmare on Elm Street just like people pontificating on spiritual topics for fucking two hours I was like shut the fuck up everybody so I don't go to anything my nightmare on Elm Street I was like it's funny because people would think I love that I'm like no I don't love people are like so what they're like so what is ego do we want to kill ego or not and I'm like rich California people just, just sucking each other off.

1:21:44Kelsey Patel:And so we're there, but there was this guy in the corner. Of course, I'm going to find the one person that's like so pure and genuine and sweet. And so I was talking to this guy and he's like, you know, I really struggle to pray. He's like, I just don't know how to pray. I don't know what to do and I don't know how. And I was realizing how much the church or religion not only makes you feel like you have to be perfect, that you have to say the right things, do the right things, be the right things. And it just keeps you from this true and genuine relationship. And the true and genuine relationship is coming as you are.

1:22:14Kelsey Patel:And also it's like God hears. You think that God only hears you when you're calling in and you're like, hello, here to ask you for$1 million. Like, no, God listens to everything you think, say, and do. It's everywhere and everything. And so I think liberating ourselves from the belief that we have to pray a certain way. We have to like, you know, act a certain way. We have to move in a certain way has been liberating. And just taking God off the belief that God is punishing, God is, you know, anything but just benevolent and loving and collaborating. Like I just see it as such a collaborator. Yes.

1:22:51Like I see, it's not like I see myself as equal to, but I see us in relationship

1:22:58Kelsey Patel:and I can be clear. I can be, you know, God's going to do what God's going to do, but I can, I can try and have my way. I can try and have my wish, you know, with things and really kind of taking God off the pedestal a little bit so I could be in just deeper truth with it. Like God and I laughed together. Oh yeah.

1:23:14Krista Williams:And it's like, that actually was so liberating for me was to be, you know, also growing up Catholic, it's like, there's you, there's the priest, and then there's God. So you take your things to the priest and then the priest will absorb

1:23:27Kelsey Patel:I want to tell this pervert in a box that I stole from my sister last week. And he's going to tell me to do Hail Marys. Yeah.

1:23:33Krista Williams:And that's the, but that's the thing, right? Is I, I think it's this idea that I had to really look at the hierarchy and say, oh, I actually have a direct, I can create a direct relationship with God. And I think that is, I still love going to church. I still love going into, I mean, my husband, he knows every picture of us in a another country, there's one of me standing in front of some church that I can't pronounce the name of going in because I like to feel the presence of God. And some churches I walk into and I'm like, and I'm going to walk right back out. Like this is not an energy that feels good.

1:24:12Krista Williams:And some of them, oh, I could just sit for hours and just feel and be. And now when I pray to God And even Rachel, we have this funny thing where she'll be like, oh, I made a list for God. I said, God, these are all the things that are going on that are hard for me. And here's what I need you to do, God. Whether it's like, I need you to find this and I need you to blah, blah, blah. And then God will say to me, what do I need to do, God? And so often when I communicate with God in that way, my messages from God are always like, do less, rest more, laugh. You know, and I think that was the real thing for me is everything with God always felt so like formal.

1:25:04Krista Williams:And it has to be this certain way and you have to pray a certain way or you have to blah, blah, blah. And your devotion has to look a certain way. and the more that I'm like, what you want from me, God, I want from me too. Like you are leading and I am following. And I, you know, I've always been the person, I don't really have like celebrity anything. The people that I've always admired the most in life are like Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, like people who have created these lives of just devotion and supporting people and creating a sense of purpose through their passion for Christ and for God.

1:25:50Krista Williams:And that is kind of the way that I want to live now is I'm going to have fun and I am going to, and I am going to swear a bit and I am going to be silly and I am going to, you know, do all of the things that give me a sense of beauty and joy. But I also know, especially after what I went through last year, like I just give it to God. And I laugh at myself sometimes where I'm like, I can feel myself being in this mode. I'm driving and I'm just, my busy little brain is like, and I might have some mild OCD thinking about something or I'm obsessing about something. And then, and it's quicker now than it's ever been, but now it's like, oh, sorry, God.

1:26:34Right.

1:26:34Krista Williams:You got this. You just show me the way because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing over here. And that is so fun to me. Yeah.

1:26:45Kelsey Patel:Lately I've been like each thought that is like a thought of something that's stress, I'm like, oops, give it up. Like I just imagine it landing in my brain. I'm like, not mine. Like nothing for me. And I think for people that feel unsure or lack self-trust, I think having faith is such a beautiful thing because when I don't have clarity on something, like there was a conversation I wanted to have with someone that I was dating. And I was like, I don't, I, I'm not, I didn't know if I was quite sure if it was me trying to control by trying to get clarity or if it was me trying to truly provide clarity.

1:27:20Kelsey Patel:So sometimes if you're someone that's controlling, you can be like, I need to get clarity and you're really trying to control. And sometimes you really want clarity for the truth. And I wasn't sure where I was at. So I was like, God, I'm not sure where I'm at here. If I'm meant to speak to your son, please have him clearly request it. Otherwise, I'm not doing anything. Next day, 11 a.m., clear request of conversation. Literally the most clear. Like I'm like, literally I'm requesting a conversation to clear with you. Whoa. Had the most beautiful clearing conversation of my life. And I just was like, so now I'm just so much more potently clear.

1:27:56Kelsey Patel:And this happens in silence. This happens in, you know, true. That was a true desire. I'm in true. I actually truly don't know. I'm not clear right now. I need cleared. I need help. And not only was, did God do that because that's in my best interest, but it's also in his. Of course. You know, and so God's going to provide that opportunity for us because I was in the true clarity of my heart and he was too. And it's been so nice to have situations where I'm like, I don't know where to go. Please show me the way.

1:28:24Krista Williams:How do you feel now, if I may? You're very busy right now. You have so much going on with the book and with just all of life. How are you bringing God into all of it?

1:28:38Kelsey Patel:Or are you? Oh, yeah. You know, God recently was so helpful. I was like, because we have our book that just came out and I normally am a person that's 50 steps ahead. I'm in one thing, but I'm actually in four months. You know, I'm here, but I'm not. And so, you know, with the book process, I was praying, I'm like, God, what am I to do next? And God's like, go through this door and I'll open the next one. It's not about God showing me the full staircase. It's about showing me the next step. And so that's where I've been where I'm just like, I'm taking the next step. We're co-creating this life with each step that I go.

1:29:15Kelsey Patel:And that's not only keeping me more present and it's keeping me more in the magic, but it's keeping me peaceful. Like I'm able to do so much more because I'm in the next step. Not that I don't get scared sometimes because I do, but it's like, it's also just bringing me into a pleasure and a delight of everything because I'm like, oh, great. Book came out. Good things happened. Not so good things happened. I'm like, it's all good.

1:29:39Krista Williams:Yeah.

1:29:39Kelsey Patel:You know, this, this was meant to be how it was. And I just trust that where before I was so controlling and I was so like, I had to make everything and it had to be enough. And, you know, I was doing it all for me too.

1:29:51Krista Williams:Yeah.

1:29:52Kelsey Patel:Like if I'm all here, you know, it was all for me. Like I didn't feel like I was enough. So this was going to prove that I was enough. But if I know that there's a creator that loves me and I'm enough, then I know whatever I've done is enough. You know, it's like, this is enough because God made it. So I did it and it's enough. And so I don't have this running part of me. That's like, nothing's ever enough. We're never satisfied, whatever, because I've found why I'm here and whatever God's going to do through me, I'm going to do.

1:30:20Krista Williams:Exactly. Yeah. But I think that's the, like, I think that's the most profound part of this whole thing that we both know is that we are being used as God's, you know, before people would be like, you're a light worker, you're, it's like, actually I work for God. And I think so much of the languaging between like the spiritual person and the God followers, you know, I think there's this way that everybody's like separated themselves.

1:30:57Kelsey Patel:Such a good one. So true.

1:30:58Krista Williams:And I think we're actually all, you know, we can all be in the same vibration, if you will. We can be in the same path. It's just, you know, I don't, I used to always be like, okay, what's the intention? Or I want to make a list of like manifesting list and a da, da, da, da, da. And I, I genuinely don't do that anymore because I have been shown over and over and over again by God that what God is wanting for me is way more and way bigger and so much more profound than I can want for myself. Like, and I, I also don't know where God's protecting me. I might have a want of something, but if God is blocking it, or if it's not happening, it is 1000 % for me and for the whole and the entirety of my life and my being.

1:31:59Krista Williams:It's not because I'm not worthy of it. It's not because I'm not working hard enough. It's not because of any of that stuff. It's because either A, like you and I, we weren't ready for this friendship yet. And B, it's because there's something else that's being, there's another Tetris piece that's being put in place so it can go. And it's like, when you live in that sense of wonder and awe and gratitude, like I literally wake up every day and I, sometimes I get smacked by my daughter to wake up because she's got a shit in her pants. And so it's not the exact same wake up, but it's like so many days I wake up and the first thing I'm doing is like, Oh my gosh, God, wow.

1:32:48Krista Williams:Thank you for this new day. And it's true gratitude because there was a time where I was waking up really a bit pissed that I was still here because I felt so, it felt so impossible to stay. And so now it's like, yes, like, yes. And, you know, it's like, you want to bubble black? Yeah. And if I don't, of course not. But my, it's like the lens I have is just so different now because I know that I know that I don't have to take the wheel, Krista. Like I just genuinely get to be taking a ride.

1:33:25Kelsey Patel:And you know, what's funny is I was thinking about, I've been talking about the feminine more just because I've been on my own journey, just reclaiming the feminine. And the reason why I wanted to bring it through was because I feel like so many women have this deep self-hatred because of their belief they're not feminine enough. And I've noticed that the more I've come closer to God, the softer I've been. And that's what I've really come to where I'm like, what has been my journey to becoming more soft and more feminine, leaving toxic relationships, certain practices and rituals, of course, but it's really been the deep belief that there is like the father and that I can soften into the father.

1:34:01Kelsey Patel:And that I think for women that are so deeply in need of a protector, of a provider, of a masculine frame, it's like you could see, and you guys could see God however you want, but I do see it as that. And that's helped me to be such a like deeper, softer being because I do have the belief that there's a provider and a protector that I'm like working with in life that's been so just stunning. I love that. And I actually, I can't wait to like

1:34:31Krista Williams:actually incorporate that more as a practice. And funny enough, I also feel that way with Mary. Like I have years ago, I bought, when we moved into our new house, I bought this statue of the Virgin Mary. And the guy at the shop was like, oh, you know, if you have her facing your house, then you don't have to take on all of the protection as the mother of the home. She will do it for you. And then this is just how God works. I told you how when I was sick, it was like I was having prayer and just God was showing up in all these ways for me. My neighbor Edna had, she used to live in Portugal and she, or sorry, in Poland.

1:35:12Krista Williams:And she used to live where St. Bautista had seen the blessed, the divine mercy of Christ. And she had all these rosaries that had been blessed and all this stuff. She was like the main importer. She started giving me these gifts for my home, including this unbelievable picture that is now framed and in my bedroom. and then for this last birthday of mine, I just turned 44, my mom sent me my grandmother's statue of the Virgin Mary that was in her house forever and it is now blessing and in the front entryway of our home. And as a mother to really lean on Mary, like I will go to that statue when I'm feeling like things are just too much.

1:36:02Krista Williams:And I will literally give a prayer and say, Mary, undoer of knots, like, please cast your compassionate eyes on me and allow this home to be filled with your radiance and your peace. And I swear something shifts in the home. And so even that type of prayer, it's, again, it's like we're using some of the same practices that maybe we were using a decade ago, but to me, it just has, it's like an everlasting practice. Yeah. You know, it's not one that's going to move with the wind.

1:36:39Kelsey Patel:Yeah. I think that's what it is. There's like a deeper foundation. I think what brought me to a deeper faith too, you know, was, um, listening to gospel. Same. I mean, us, everyone knows that that follows me or that. I mean, I am a gospel head. If I'm at the gym, my brothers at the gym are always like, I'm listening to gospel all the time. Three to five minutes in the morning to set yourself up for the most miraculous day of your life. Just listen to a gospel song. Elevation Worship, Maverick City, like Tara Highland, I think is her name. Like there's just such beautiful music out there. Sissy Winans.

1:37:19Kelsey Patel:Yes. It's like, not only do I, it's, first of all, it's just clarifying, purifying Holy spirits in the room. Like it's just, it makes you feel so loved. And I think for me having it in the morning when I'm very tender mentally, like Jaira, like you are loved. Do you like, it gives us

1:37:42Krista Williams:the, it's like doing prayer, but in the form of worship. And it's, it's like the feeling you can get, you know, if anybody has ever been at some place or some, you might be at a wedding and everybody's dancing. It's just this feeling of connection. Collective energy. Yeah. And it's palpable. And when I play that music, which every day it's pretty much on, or even if I'm in a mood, if I play any of those songs, everything shifts for me because it's like an automatic portal to come back into the why. Because I think what we forget, what do we forget most as humans? We forget that we are divine souls having a human experience.

1:38:30And we forget it every day over and

1:38:33Krista Williams:over and over again. You're on your phone, you're scrolling, you just forgot. You're doing whatever mundane task, you're in your head too much, you're thinking about how you can control some other moment of life. The world feels uncontrollable. You're feeling all distraught. It's when you're not in a place of remembering that you are a soul, you are a being that God created, and you are having a human transformative growth experience. And of course you're going to forget. We're all going to forget. But that to me is what gospel music does is it's a transport. It reminds me of what home is. Yeah.

1:39:13Kelsey Patel:It's like home frequency, home. And also being someone that's so sensitive, you know, that vibration just kind of sets me up and just gets me right. Like it's like a tuning. And it's a reminder that like, oh, God's got the wheel.

1:39:27Krista Williams:I completely forgot. I thought I was driving this car today. I had to figure out the navigation. I had to figure out traffic. I had to make sure I have gas. I had to make sure the tires are pumped. And it's like the minute you tap into that music and those reminders and those words, it's like, silly me. Dude, I know. God's at the wheel. Jyra, what do you mean?

1:39:46Kelsey Patel:Come on. Come on, bro. The Justin Bieber Jyra at church home. Have you ever? Never. Okay. Justin Bieber has two gospel songs, Jyra and He Loves and Sister. I'm listening to that on the way home. I can't wait. I'm weak. that's what I listen to whenever I'm speaking on stage yeah whenever I'm presenting whenever I'm doing anything with a bunch of people I would just want to crystallize the field and just like get into my highest vibrational state and I will just listen to gospel I'm like it's funny because

1:40:19Krista Williams:I know a few speakers that do that really tell the spill the tea spill the secrets but I do think it's it is that it's like when you have given it I mean I know you know if you look at some of the greats in terms of kind of consciousness and all of it, many of them had such faith in God that they would say, oh, book this event on the least auspicious day. Say yes to the thing that has the worst weather on that day or whatever it is, because their faith was so strong that they didn't need to tap into all the other stuff. And trust me, I still love to listen to an astrology podcast to get a feel because it also, I do still, I know the stars are super powerful and strong and God made the world that we live in.

1:41:10Krista Williams:So I believe all of it is there. And I think it's really good information, but do I believe even still that God can push through all of that? 100%.

1:41:23Kelsey Patel:I think it's where it's like, once I have that foundation of truth, then I can sort of take things in the way that feels healthy for me. Yes. This is informational and God can speak through astrology. Sometimes, you know, I can hear something or something through some sort of teacher, some healer, whatever. I'm like, okay, God's working through them or whatever the thing is. So what would you leave, um, you know, our audience with today? Like if they're feeling like they want to come back to the faith and they want to just reconnect because they're feeling disconnected, what would you say to them?

1:41:55Krista Williams:I would just say, talk to God, tell God.

1:41:58Kelsey Patel:Yes, that's a good one. Tell God that you are feeling not, I mean, I was desperate, so I could say the word desperate,

1:42:06Krista Williams:but tell God where you are. Just say, God, be with me today. Walk with me. Give me your hand. Let me know that you are here with me. And then let it go. You know, to me, I think when I, when my ego wants to control stuff too much, it's like, people talk about intuition a lot. And I think a lot of it is just letting yourself stay open to the miracles. God has given me more miracles than I can count, but I also have to believe in miracles in order to recognize and see them for what they are. So if you are missing faith in your life or you're just, honestly, I would even say to anybody out there, and even if it's just one of you, if you are so tired of feeling like you have to control everything, if you are so tired of feeling like you are in control, that everything and everyone around you relies on you and you are, and you're just sick of holding all of it and the plates and it's just getting heavy.

1:43:16Krista Williams:You are someone like you are the perfect person to start today and just say, God, help me carry this weight. Help me carry these plates. Help me remember that I do not need to have all this control. And I would start there. You come back. I love you.

1:43:35Kelsey Patel:I love you. I could do 40 more hours of this.

1:43:38Krista Williams:I love you so much. And we will.

1:43:40Kelsey Patel:Amen. Amen. That's amen. We love you guys. We hope this hits in a way that feels expansive and open and loving and inviting and truthful and nonjudgmental and yeah, in a way that's supportive of you and knowing that you are guided, held, supported, and loved more than you ever thought possible.

1:44:00Krista Williams:More than ever.

1:44:01Kelsey Patel:We love you guys. We'll see you on the next one.

1:44:03Krista Williams:Bye.

1:44:06Kelsey Patel:Thank you so much, Kelsey. Again, it's KelseyJPatel.com and KelseyJPatel on Instagram. Such a beautiful conversation. We appreciate you tuning into Almost 30 for subscribing, rating, and reviewing. If you haven't done that, do that now. It means the world and we would love it.

1:44:20Lindsey Simcik:We love you guys. Thank you for being a part of our community. We have two new episodes every single week. We haven't missed a week in almost 10 years, which is crazy. So thank you. Thank you for subscribing. We'll see you on the next one. We'll see you soon.