860. Identity Shifts, Breakups + Becoming Your Next Self

21:58You know, if you lose a family member, a parent, if something that tragic happens, it really makes everything else like not matter. You're like, don't care about that. Don't care about that. Don't care about that. So that happened for me, but in that coming back out of that, like transformation or identity, I mean, I just didn't have, I had friends, but like friends don't know how to hold space or have capacity. And so that was such, and I can imagine you maybe felt this way too. Like you're so insular. You're so with self. Like you are so alone and you didn't have Instagram or resources or anything like that.

22:28Did you feel like, why is this happening to me?

22:30Lindsey Simcik:Or like, what was like your consciousness around this at that time? Like, did you have an awareness? My consciousness was only honestly with this relationship. Like that's all I was thinking about. Like I truly was just like obsessed a bit with it. Like I was looking at his face. Like I was just like looking at his face. That age is so tender. So tender. I was just fantasizing. Like I was like, and I, there was like other things that were going on with that relationship that I was just thinking about all the time. And, you know, I think that honestly, I like lost my mind. Like I didn't, did not care about anything, did not eat.

23:02I remember that was like, there was been two points in my life with my body because I still struggled so much with my body then and having like such body issues. And I remember being like, I literally don't care about anything in my life. I don't care if I, I don't care what I look like. I'm like, I dropped caring about my body and what I looked like. And I remember because of that, I like lost so much weight, but I also was so depressed. But it was interesting because I was like, I don't care if I gained a hundred pounds, like at that point, I was like, I don't care how much I gain, but honestly, the freedom of like fully feeling my emotions, fully going into the grief, allowing it to consume me, caused this feeling of release in my body almost of all the grief I had gone through and all the pain I had gone through.

23:50And even just finally letting go of that constant nagging of like what I'm eating. You know what I mean? Like it was really like, it was such a powerful moment, but if I could tell that girl anything, oh my God, like to find support, first of all, you know, like in therapy or something like that. Like, I just wish I had support. Feeling the feelings was really powerful. And, you know, there'd be other things, but that I think was the first time for me. But I think some of the bigger times for me, obviously, was probably leaving corporate. I think that was huge when we left corporate. And I was so frustrated being in the corporate world.

24:24Like, I remember just struggling so much. I didn't understand, like, I did well, but I didn't understand the corporate world. I'm like, why are we here in cubes? Why is it gray? Why do we have to stay until five? Like my alien part of me was very present. My authority part was very present. I hated all of that shit. And being able to leave, like, I didn't know how big of a change it would be to be able to leave. I think I was just so excited to leave it that I was like, okay, whatever we have going on is so much better. And it was such a dream, but it was so painful and it was so stressful and it was so overwhelming.

25:01Like I struggled so much at the end of my jobs. Like I was put on a performance plan. Like they were like, I'm sure they were trying to get rid of me because I was not paying attention at all. So everything that I was struggling with and going through, like that I was gripping to of that old part of me, because I was so afraid was like so for purpose and on purpose, but also didn't make the change easy. But I had to move when I was like ready. You know, I had to move when I fully knew. And the thing that I think I did and the thing that you've also done in that process of leaving corporate as that example was like made progress every day towards the goal.

25:40Like progress every day towards the new identity, the new trans... And this was, again, this was 10 years ago, 11 years ago. So people didn't talk about things the way they do now. But like every day we made movement. Every day we made progress. There wasn't one day we didn't make some type of progress or movement. And I think that alleviated so much of that suffering and so much of that pain where if I wasn't making progress or I wasn't making concerted steps towards where I wanted to go, even if we didn't have clarity on it, I would have gone insane.

26:07Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. And I think it was feeding that new timeline too. It was kind of giving it attention. It was so true. Well, we were lucky. There wasn't people, I've said this before, there wasn't a timeline that was clear of the path we were going. No, but we knew that there was something calling us. It was kind of like there was a new thing over here. But I think we were lucky because of that. For sure. I feel, I feel like that was the biggest blessing. If it was a clear path of like, this is what you do. Like, I don't know if it would have happened because I would have fucked it up with my mind. Yeah.

26:38Lindsey Simcik:A hundred percent. You know, like. A hundred percent. Yeah. I miss, I miss that feeling of like not having the, there really wasn't a blueprint. There wasn't a guarantee in this industry. Like the industry really didn't exist in the way that it does now at all. It's changed so much. Back then it was a wild west. It was really exciting. It was, yeah, we were kind of like, not we, but like just the collective we of podcasters and people in the space were kind of defining it together. Totally agree. And it was exciting and creative. Yeah. There was a lot of like creative energy in that. Not that there isn't now, but again, with any industry that pops, you know, people are going to come in and want to make money from it, whether it's like agencies or whatever, the networks, da, da, da, fine.

27:37Lindsey Simcik:But it creates this like very confining structure at times that like can thwart your creativity. Totally agree. Yeah. It's like, yeah, like once the industry caught up, it's like, this is how you do this. These are the rules. Yep. These are the rules. Abide by these. Yep. These are like the industry standards. Yeah. This is how many downloads you get. This is how you grow. This is how you get big. This is how you monetize. This is how you do everything. And it didn't exist like that when we started. Like it was so. We were just creatively figuring out how to grow. Like we're like, let's do events.

28:09Let's go on tour. Sure. Why not? Yeah. Like let's do social media. People weren't doing social media for podcasts at that point. People also weren't. We really applied it. I've had so many podcasters tell us this, tell me this over the years about us. Like we had like a stunning website. We had really stunning assets. Like we were really like making it more of the brand experience. I think then a lot of people were rather than just like, this is an audio show that you're listening to. Like we brought it more digital. I think then a lot of people did. And I think, I don't know what inspired us to do that.

28:41Like, I think, I don't know. We were just called to do it.

28:45Lindsey Simcik:I also think that was like a part of our creative interest in it. Like it was, it was fun to create branding and like have like a visual representation of like the community that we were building and the mission and the vibe. Like it was, yeah, I think it was so fun. So fun to do. Yeah. What about for you? What's your, what were you thinking about when you were a kid? I was thinking about when I went from public school to my private all girls Catholic was I think a more shocking transition than I've ever given it credit for. Um, I just remember going from like color to gray in that way. Like the school was very, it was a good school.

29:32Um, so interesting. I had an experience when I was younger that everything went gray. It was like depression from a young age. I remember saying that to someone. I remember like everything's gray. Yeah.

29:41Lindsey Simcik:Well, I think at times I was definitely like once, you know, kind of the social things happened, um, in middle school, high school, like that was definitely the case, but quite literally the energy of that school felt, it looked just lifeless to me and like kind of prison, like sounds crazy, but, um, no, it doesn't. Yeah. I was just like, it was most schools do look like little prisons. And I'm so visually, like I'm such a visual person, you know, like I love color. I love texture. I love beauty. And so when I went to like this school, I was like, this doesn't have any life in it. This feels a little weird, but it's also foreign to me.

30:24Lindsey Simcik:So I was kind of like, you know, having this inner dialogue of like, maybe I'm just, you know, maybe this is just new and this is how it's going to, this feels when it's new. But it had an effect on me. I feel like it dimmed my light a little bit. And then like when the bullying started, which I've talked about at Nauseam before, but when the girl who was my best friend at first started to bully me and like told no, everyone to not talk to me, then it just kind of like, I felt like that was a big start over for me because I had always identified as someone who was liked, you know, who I wasn't the most popular, but I was always liked.

31:06Like I was always like just friends with a lot of people.

31:09Lindsey Simcik:Like there's never a lot of drama that I started. I was just like, and so to feel like no one saw me literally and no one talked to me, I was like, yeah, I just, I felt I dissociated. I felt not like myself at all. Like I didn't have any connection to define me anymore. Yeah. So real. There are certain meals I never want to give up, like a really good sandwich, pasta dish, or breakfast bagels, but I'm always going to try to find ways to make those meals fit better into my routine and my health goals. And that's why I was thrilled to discover Hero bread. So good. It has the same soft, fluffy texture you expect from traditional baked goods, but depending on the product, it has zero to five grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and up to 32 grams of fiber.

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34:51That's a great point actually within this process. I think what can happen in times of transformation is you do or metamorphosis, you do get released from your natural points of connection that were defining you. Yes. Perfect example with the divorce. I had divorce and then I had two people, two people in my life exit, which was great. But those were defining people that like I connected with regularly that were sort of feeding into a version of me. And so you leaving people that were feeding into the version of you that you're no longer going to be is essential. And so people exiting your life, especially pillar people, is actually very normal in the process.

35:29Essential almost. Yes.

35:30Lindsey Simcik:And it can feel painful. It could feel like you've lost, you know, whether the person or just that like feeling or you're doing something wrong. Like I'm doing something wrong. So that was a big one. Um, so funny too. Like with kids were like, yeah, just, just go to school and like, like it. And like, as a kid in your little brain, you can't fully understand, but you're like, I don't like this environment and color and aesthetic, but that's normal and okay. But we don't really give kids that. Like, we don't think kids are smart enough to sense that. Like sensitive enough. Like kids are so sensitive.

36:03Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. You know, and like, there's just, there's so many things stimulating them in that type of environment, whether it's like the teacher, what their energy is, the kids, the sounds, the lights, the colors, like what's going on in the room. So it's, I think about that a lot now, like with Mav and just thinking about school and what that feels like and looks like. And, And, you know, hopefully I'll be able to kind of tune in with him and he'll have the language for it and I'll be able to like talk to him about that. But, yeah, that was a big one. And then, yeah, I think the – I also had that like high school into college breakup that was the disruption in my narrative that I thought was solid, which was, he was my person.

37:00Lindsey Simcik:You know, it's like your first love. So you're like, he's my person. I'm going to marry you. So it's just never been more sure of anything. Never been more sure. You know, we'll make it through college about my husband. He's going to Penn state. I'm going to this school in Boston. Like we'll make it all, all things will be well. And so that happened a couple of times where I had another love in college and then, you know, it happened again, where your association with that story and that future is just so real, so strong. It drives your every day. You can start living in the daydream and you're not noticing the bad behavior.

37:41Lindsey Simcik:You're not noticing that you're settling on some things. You're not communicating about things. And so I think those were so defining on my way to having that like longer season of being single. That I think was like one of the most defining seasons of my life and kind of set me up for a lot in the years following in terms of relationship and just stability and like self-worth and confidence. But I think the move was also another big one. So if you're someone who's making a move and like starting anew, it could be to the next city over or it could be across the country. Like there's just, I think the creature comforts of like your every day get disturbed and you don't realize how dysregulating that can be.

38:39Lindsey Simcik:and how much time and energy you really need to spend tending to that, noticing that and not just rushing through it, not just being like, I'm in my new place. Let's plug in and like just start the job and all is well. Like it's a huge, huge shift. Moves are huge. And they're powerful. Yeah. Like anytime someone messages me and they're like, I'm thinking about moving to da-da-da, I'm like, moves are major points of inflection in your life. And also like, I feel like a vortex for a lot of what you want to come in can come in through this move. But you have to like hold it. You have to hold it and you have to experience kind of the highs and lows of it.

39:30Lindsey Simcik:the repercussions of actually following through on something that you feel deeply called to do. And overall, I've had a great experience, but I've also had to leave room for like grief and like honoring the life I left and like honoring the fact that I actually trusted myself when And I had doubt and other people had doubt. And I was like, no, I'm going to do this. So both to LA and then back to New York were both huge moves for me. Yeah, moves are so – I was thinking about that because I was like socializing the idea of a move. And I was like – and then I really had – I think you have the fantasy of it.

40:16Yes. And then I really had to be with it. And I'm like, I've moved from Ohio to Chicago, Chicago to New York, New York to LA. and I lived in Europe for like half a year one time, but it's like there, it is everything about your life, your community, your routine, like your sleep, your wake, your workouts, your environment, the air you're breathing, like the sounds you're hearing, the light you're receiving. It is so much. And I think when it's done, you have to expect your entire life to change, But it really can be such a reflection. And I think that's what's been beautiful about moving into the house that I'm in is that like you, I've, it's actually been so nice to feel finally like reflected back to me is the environment that I feel proud of and representative of me and representative of the life that I'm building.

41:11and so it can be something that does provide such an up-level experience because what's happening when you're in new environments is like your eyes, your reticular activating system is clocking everything that's going on and interpreting and making meaning of it. Like it's not just what was normal to yourself every single day is now different and you're now making sense of that new reality. So moves can be huge opportunities for transformation And I think people don't think about how intense those are enough. But I think people move a lot now. That's the thing. Remember our parents, like, our parents like never moved.

41:46They bought a house. They're there still. They bought a house. They're there, you know, 20, 30 years. And now we move like every two years, like every couple of years, people are really transforming and changing so much. And it's so fascinating too, because I think so often we're in an identity shift or a change that we're experiencing in the moment, but we don't really understand it yet. So it's hard to kind of make sense of it, of where it is leading us. Like with corporate into this, I'm like, oh, okay, I get it. That was leading to this or divorce. I'm like, okay, I get it. That was leading to this.

42:16But for the most part, like post-divorce, I had no idea where would happen, what would happen. I didn't think, like even with leaving the corporate job, I was like, yeah, I hope this is going to be amazing. I had no idea. Post-divorce, I had no idea. Like, I feel like that point right now in my life, I'm like, I have no idea what is going to happen for my future. And I think I really, I think what is funny, I kind of like settle into like, whatever, man. Like, I'm just like, okay. Like it just kind of becomes so surrendered, not in the sexy spiritual way, surrendered in the like, fuck it. Yeah.

42:52Lindsey Simcik:Literally the dissolution, fuck it way. Like, or I don't feel like spending too much energy on figuring it out. No, just like do whatever you're going to do to me. Like whatever is going to happen. It's kind of like, yeah, disillusioned with it. But that's been like, I think where I'm at now in the process, but I can imagine for you, like motherhood's huge. Yeah. That's the last one. Yeah. Just the most recent. Yeah. The, the change in identity is, um, it's like, it's shocking. It's fun. It's, it's a part of me that feels like has always been there and has wanted to like step forward. word.

43:35Lindsey Simcik:And I talked to a lot of moms who experienced this very differently, you know, in different ways. So it's either like, I finally feel like myself and some people experience it as I've lost myself. Some experience it as like, I don't recognize who I am. And it's, I think for me, it's been all of that at times. I think my mind is so powerful in moments that I have to just monitor when my mind wants to take me out of how powerful this identity shift is for me and how powerful surrendering to it is. I think my mind likes to hook on to, okay, but what's next? It's that what's next question that I think like, you know, women in business, you know, we, we, we feel as like a pull and a tug and we hear and we're asked and similar to you.

44:35Lindsey Simcik:Like, I don't know what I know is like what I know. I'm having a second kid. I'm like, I know the things I know. And then there's just so much unknown that when I'm in my, when my highest self is leading, she's like what is to come is going to be so mind-blowing and beautiful and like the creativity that will come from you at the right time will just feel like what you've wanted to feel for so long but don't rush like don't feel like you have to you know make a business out of this moment you know? And so I think I've just had to like, you know, to that part of me that feels like she needs to know that.

45:29Lindsey Simcik:But it's, it's, it's been beautiful because, and I've said this a couple times recently where like, before I became a mom, like life overall was like pretty easy. You know, it was like very, felt very in flow. I felt, yeah, just like really connected to the life I was building. And I still feel connected to that. But like the challenge on a day-to-day basis is so new and so intense at times, but it also feels really good. I'm like, this is what I need. You know, like I was chilling for a while. So it feels actually really good to be in the fire of like expansion and getting to know parts of me that like I haven't seen in a long time or that I've been meaning to kind of tend to because it will come up as a parent.

46:31Lindsey Simcik:So the challenge in that has felt like some of the hardest I've ever had and also some of the most like purposeful in my life.

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49:48And I think the more you're like embracing it, the better it is. Exactly. You know, and I think that's a huge part of this process is like embracing all of it, embracing the like moments, embracing the new identity, embracing the struggle. And I think what I am grateful for now is being like, okay, what is painful? What is like, just frustrating me because frustration is my like human design, not self. It's my constant, my constant companion is frustration. It's like, whenever that is there, I'm like, okay, what are you showing me? What are you telling me? Like, what is like, what is here and what is present?

50:28And I usually go to that and I'll like be like, what are you telling me? Like, what do I need to know? Like what is here for me in this and how can I use this to motivate me? It's not my desired preferred motivation strategy, but it's an old motivation strategy that I use internally. A lot of people use pain, frustration, depression, anxiety to motivate. That's kind of what we humans have been taught over time as like what can motivate us to move. But it's like, I'll kind of learn and listen to that. And the more you can really be like, okay, I'm in a time of change. I'm in a season of growth.

51:02I'm in a season where I don't necessarily know where I'm going, but I know it's going to be good. And I'm in the process of that path. I think what also is true is that there is no destination.

51:13Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. You know, like this is the whole thing. Like I've, I don't know if I've ever arrived at a destination and been like, I am here at this destination and I did my transformation process and I made it. And I'm metamorphosized into the butterfly. Even in my process, I'm like, I think there was moments where I felt the metamorphosis. I was like, wow, I really feel from a body level different, from a mind level different, from a soul level different, from a frequency level different. My entire life had changed, but I don't even remember. I rarely remember moments. Maybe there was a few where I was like, oh, I actually see the new version in front of me.

51:49I actually feel the new version in front of me. I'm actually in the experience of the new version in front of me. Um, and I think what's been interesting about my metamorphosis process or just my transition after divorce was like, first was the acknowledgement of the change, feeling all the feelings. Then was like the surrender to the new path that was arriving to me, the new timeline, whatever that was. And it's interesting because I changed first so much internally and that internal change of like my self-respect, my love, my deepening in faith, my, you know, deeper connection to my soul and my spiritual path allowed what was inside to change.

52:29Then my body changed. Then my relationships changed. Then my work changed. Then my house changed. Then my money changed. Like it was all this like spiral effect. And I think in the transformation process, you know, what can feel like it's just one element usually as part of the spiral of happening. So if you lose a relationship or a friendship, it's like that is just one element of all the changes that happen. And that's part of the good that is like recalibrating in your field and where you're going. And I think the more that I wish I could have like seen that as like, oh, this is like all good.

53:07This is all good.

53:07Lindsey Simcik:I think the better off I would have felt in the process. Yeah, Yeah, 100%. And I think we, my experience has been like just discomfort and kind of that in between at times. But like if we can, in these processes where we kind of feel like we're in, we can't see five feet in front of us, you know, we're kind of a little stuck in the muck of the past. I feel like there's so much more there than we give it credit. And I think our generation, I'll just say, or kind of in this day and age, it's like, how do we heal it? How do we fix it? How do we move past this? And it's just to your point, it's such an important part of the spiral, that part of the, it's almost like the eye of the storm where it's like, it's a little, it's a little calm.

54:00Like it's a little, like the air is dead a little bit and we're like, Like, where am I?

54:07Lindsey Simcik:Like, I was just in this one life and now it's completely changed. Don't know which way is up. And so if you can, I think, kind of honor that like odd piece that exists there and take that time to be a bit more internal. I think there's a groundedness that you can cultivate to kind of move into that next phase of, you know, really manifesting that new and understanding yourself in this new season and environment, whatever it is. I felt that when I was kind of in that in between, even like between not dating anymore, like when I was single for a period, I was dating a lot. And then I stopped because I was like, this is not, I keep calling in the wrong people, the same people, there's something happening.

55:02Lindsey Simcik:I'm the common denominator. And in that like quiet and in that kind of like dead air, I was like, oh, you know, so much came to light. And so while it can be painful and maybe a bit different than your usual rhythm. I think finding that eye of the storm and being okay being there for a little longer than feels comfortable will actually set you up so much better for leaning into that next transition. Yeah. It's like waiting for the clarity to be called. I think about now too, about how I think Instagram and social media or not Instagram, I guess social media in general, like is causing so much more of this restlessness and desire for sure.

55:53And feeling of like, I'm not at the right place. I'm not doing the right thing. I'm not with the right person. I'm not in the right job. I'm not in the right career. And I think that is so much of this. Oftentimes, I think there's the natural call of the soul. But I just think that the restless hunger and sort of that like discomfort at times could also be comparison, could also be looking at other people's paths, could also be like, I should be doing more of this. I should be doing more of that and not allowing people to settle into the truth of where they are on their path or where they are on the season or where they are in the moment because a lot of times, you know, the call on the path of most seasons is like just discipline.

56:40It's like, God's like, I gave you the plan. You just got to do it. You got to execute it. You know, like they say there's a difference between a good plan and a God plan. And the God plan sometimes will just have you be more disciplined than you were at the last season. And so there's also like the unsexy nature of being in that and being in between where we kind of want to be at the arrival. We want to be at the ending. We want to be at the result. We want to be – everyone wants to be the after. Everyone wants to be the result. And no one wants to be like in the process of that becoming and in the process of that.

57:15And I think I was also inspired by this because my friend Lindsay Schwartz, who I had on the podcast and I was talking about her the other day, we were talking and she recently, she was, got divorced as well. And then was in relationship and we got out of relationship. Our first relationship post-divorce same time. And she's been sharing really openly, like she's starting over her life, like financially starting over, relationally starting over, business-wise starting over, like, and she's I think in her forties and she's like, you can start your life over at any time. And I think as you get older, you feel like you can't more, you know, you kind of get more set in place.

57:49I don't know if it's neuroplasticity or just life, but you really feel like it's not as possible for you. And I'll never forget when I was young, I remember my parents, like, I don't know what was going on. I don't know if we were moving or something was going on with them, but I remember them like talking about how they're going through things. And I remember just being like, what do you guys have to go through? Cause like, you guys are married and you live in a house and you have jobs. And I just was like, what? There are people that are going, like, I just never forget. I was like, oh, my parents are people that experience things and go through things and are changing themselves.

58:25Like they have a lot, like I just, as a kid was always just feeling that I was the only one. Natural brain development for children. But starting over will happen like more and more, especially for the women of our community and our audience. Like it's going to be a part of the process where you have many different versions of yourself over time and in your life and many different seasons. And the more you can give yourself permission for that, to embrace it, to love it, the better. Because I think it's also good practice for when you're older, you know, when you're older and you're in your sixties and maybe beauty is not like the main thing in the room for you.

58:59Maybe it's wisdom. Maybe it's like all of this like knowledge that you have that you can acquire and share. And you're going to have to embrace whatever aspect of you is like in the room at that time or whatever, like part of your soul and process that is like there to be experienced and witnessed because that's like what it means to be alive, I guess.

59:22Lindsey Simcik:And I think it's so interesting that so many women that we know at our age or around our age have so many things they want to do in their life, so many things they want to experience. there is this like actual innate desire to have a very dynamic multidimensional experience in this life. But I think when we get a little tripped up because we're like, it needs to happen now in the next 10 years in this decade or else it's never going to happen. But what we're talking about today is that opportunity throughout our life, which I think we can reframe as kind of an exciting thing to think about. Like, I wonder how many times I'm going to start over and reinvent myself and have a rebirth because from there comes, I think, those things that I've dreamed of doing or the feelings I've dreamed of having or whatever it is.

1:00:20Lindsey Simcik:So I think if we can kind of pull up and out of the, you know, fear or anxiety around these rebirths or these moments that we're starting over, which have very real deep and grief at times, it's also so exciting. It can be so exciting and to prime yourself and almost train yourself to recognize when it's happening that like you've been here before. You know, I've been here before many times. You've been here before many times. And so how can we kind of pull ourselves out of the fear of it or the denial of it or, you know, kind of the lower self taking the lead and really knowing that like we have what we need in order to navigate this and also to really embrace it and have it be kind the next opportunity to know more of ourselves, become more of ourselves, experience more of this life that we're meant to.

1:01:28Lindsey Simcik:I think it can, yeah, it could be something that we look forward to almost. Yeah. Like, I don't know where I'm going, but this can only be good. Like, I don't know where I'm going. This can only be good. And just like, God, show me how good it can get. You know, show me how good my life can get. Show me and just walk me toward the unknown with confidence and grace and ease. Like there's just so many things you could just reframe and tell yourself in the process of, of your journey. And I think one of my favorite things to do in this, cause I've always, even with like life edit that I did years ago, it's like, I always want to find ways in our physical reality of now to show us where we're going, to show us those glimpses, those moments, that cellular feeling of that.

1:02:07And I've, you know, have those moments where like I'll be in LA and I'll be at Soho house with someone on a gorgeous afternoon, having lunch outside. And I'm just like, this is it. Like, this is it. Like, this is, this is, this is the life that I want. The beach, outside, nature, people I love, middle of the day, taking off time, you know, freedom, flexibility in my schedule. Like this, I'm so grateful that in this moment I can clock that this is part of the new reality that I'm in. You know, when I'm at my desk and I'm like in QuickBooks or I'm like, you know, doing whatever, I'm like, this isn't necessarily it.

1:02:39I'm not hating it, but I'm like at peace with it. And I did a photo shoot last weekend. I think I was telling you this, but I just was like, oh, I've been in it in a process post breakup. And I was like, wow, I really didn't know how much I needed this photo shoot. And I didn't know how much I needed this moment of getting ready and feeling really beautiful, getting outfits that feel really expressive of me and the life that I want, feel really playful and fun being around people that I love. Like, you know, we've worked with Heather for, we've worked with our photographer for like nine years now and I had friends there and, and it was in a beautiful home in Los Angeles on a beautiful day.

1:03:21Like it was just like stunning. I was like, this is just stunning environment, stunning friends, stunning feelings, stunning life. And I felt so good because I felt like I was having this photo taken of me at a time where I was like, oh, like this is who I am. Like even on the days where I'm like, I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what's going on. I'm like, this is a beautiful woman that like has come so far that like loves herself so much, that has so much good. And like, I could see that reflected back in the photo and to be able to say like, and have done enough work on myself to be like, wow, like what an incredible woman.

1:03:55It was just such a stunning example. And I think for anyone listening, it's like having a celebration or ritual or a birthday for your new self, like a night for your new self, like whatever that is, that's going to be supportive of you really feeling into this new version and celebrating the identity that you're in now in this moment can be so powerful to recognize like this version of you that's here. Because I think what I get a little scared about in this process of transformation and change for people is always wanting to be someone they're not. And a practice that I make my clients do all the time is to wake up before you get out of bed and just clock everything in your life and just say, I accept this as it is.

1:04:38Like the relationship that's crumbling, I accept it as it is. The fact that like, I don't have any good food in my pantry, I accept it as it is. The fact that I'm tired, I accept it as it is. I'm frustrated, I accept it as it is. I have a really busy day, I accept it as it is. Like everything that you have, like being able to be so present for this version of you and accepting everything about it is not only the key to peace within yourself, but also to transformation of where you're needing to go because we have to first accept who we are, where we are, what we're doing before we can transform it.

1:05:09And so acceptance is like such a huge part of the process that I struggle with so much. Like I think that would be something for me that's a huge growth edge opportunity and why I have to do those practices myself quite often. Yes.

1:05:25Okay.

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1:07:13Lindsey Simcik:yeah why why is acceptance or what have you seen it do in the moments that follow like i guess why is acceptance so important well from a parts perspective our parts that want more for us are so incredible like the part that like wants you to have it all is so incredible the part that wants me to have it all so incredible and that part is razor thin and self and parts work, they call it self-like parts. So it could be my soul. That's like, I want more. I desire more for my life. I want to be everything I came here to be. And then also could be a self-like part that's just on the hamster wheel of the lie that our life is always somewhere that we're not.

1:07:51And so you have to be so attuned. And this is like spirituality 301, being attuned to when it's your soul and being attuned to when it's a self-like part that's keeping you on the hamster wheel of never enoughness. And in the spirituality and personal growth space, that can be so hard to tell. And that's can be so tricky, but there can be nothing bad that would happen from you accepting everything in your life. Like even it's in what's hard is like, if you're like accepting stuff, you don't want to accept. I accept in this moment that my dad has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and is struggling every single day and is like losing consciousness and becoming more lucid.

1:08:28Like that brings up emotion for me. And the emotion is what I'm trying to avoid. The feeling is what I'm trying to avoid. So if I'm like, I accept that I'm not where I want to be financially, that's painful. And so that avoidance of the feeling, that feeling is like what's keeping us in the previous reality. Because it's a part, it's a truth that we're not recognizing. So when you can turn to that and be like, actually, I accept that. Like that's real and that's true. And like, okay maybe what has gotten me here maybe what can I do different maybe what can I feel and then when I've released the feeling and I've really accepted like oh there's a part of me that felt but like I love her and I'm with her and and we can do this that's when you can really move forward because if we're constantly like yeah there's this stuff about my dad and my money here but like I really want to be a person on stage it's like yeah you're carrying a lot on your back of a lot of things that you're not looking at in your current reality.

1:09:23And being in the future that you want requires you being present in the reality that you're in. And people avoid that so much. I do that myself, like, but I make way more space for it than ever before. But that's really part, a huge part of the process of this evolution is like, what do I need to feel now? What do I need to acknowledge now? What do I need to accept now? Yeah, it's really about that feeling. That feeling. Yes, of course. It's like not fun. I think the Olivia example of me getting emotional before is a perfect example. I think for empaths and people that are highly sensitive, you know, if you're highly sensitive or empath, oftentimes codependent, you don't have a lot of access to your own emotions.

1:10:04And so you often need, you know, with your mirror neurons, like you're usually more sensitive to other people's emotions. So sometimes I'll notice myself, I can feel a lot through others. Right. So what is activating about Olivia's situation, not only is my love for her and my reverence, but it's also like losing her mother to something my dad is. So, you know, like I could use that as a trigger for me to feel. And I think people can find these triggers and then bring up their own stuff. Like, oh, okay, I'm noticing I'm crying about Olivia. Okay, what else is there? Ooh, okay, that's a little girl that is scared to lose her dad.

1:10:39You know, how can I be with that and the truth of that, like in the honoring of that? And in my dad's scenario, like me honoring the truth and accepting the truth of where I'm at, I'm going to act differently. If I'm ignoring, you know, like, oh, all is well, like we're fine, all is well. I'm not going to be as loving to him as I could be. I'm not going to be as present, like live like you're dying, you know, type of thing. And so that acceptance or that like ability to feel sometimes for people that are empaths can usually be triggered by like sad movie, sad song, thinking about someone else.

1:11:12But then the way that you process for yourself is to then bring yourself into it. Break the seal, open the wall, allow yourself to be in the emotion, the vibrational frequency of feeling, and then bring yourself into it. Like, ooh, who's the little girl in me that's really feeling that too? What is the part of me that feels so much right now? And that movement of energy can help you really process, really shed and clear so that you can move forward in your process of change. Yeah.

1:11:42Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. We don't realize how often stuck emotion is keeping us stuck. Oh my God. And it's like, duh, but it's not the first thing I'm looking to when I'm stuck necessarily. So real. What do you look to?

1:11:58Lindsey Simcik:My mind goes judgmental and you're like, what could you have done better? or like, what are you not seeing about this? It almost goes a little logical. Totally. And judgmental of myself and what I've, you know, my decisions or how I've navigated things. And yeah, so often it's that stuck emotion or just what I haven't been able to fully process or feel. And I'm someone who, and I think you've done this in the past too, where it's like,

1:12:37Lindsey Simcik:I almost think I'm,

1:12:43Lindsey Simcik:I think I'm strong in the sense that like, I can just move through this, like I'll have time eventually to, to like feel that or do I even need to fully feel it? I feel like cognitively I've kind of, you know, it's like, I talk myself out of being the total mush and just letting it all fall apart. Um, which I think is just like what I saw growing up. Like, you know, it's like kind of that programming. You read my little mind. Yeah. That's all, it's all that. Yeah. Um, Many of us saw that. Yeah. Yeah. I think our parents wanted to like keep it together or our parents didn't have the emotional awareness to process their own stuck emotions.

1:13:30Lindsey Simcik:I have one of those in my family. And yeah, I have to be very mindful of that because I think in raising kids now, you know, they're coming in incredibly beautifully sensitive and feeling. And so there have been many moments with Mav where I've really been in a heightened state of like feeling intense, whether it's like frustration, anger, you know, beneath it is other things. but in situations with him and he's seen that witness that so interesting to see what he mirrors back but also I think what's been beautiful is like not not allowing myself to have those moments but being in the moment of repair with myself and with him in the aftermath yes so it's like having a moment with myself where it's like, you are completely overwhelmed.

1:14:33Lindsey Simcik:Like you didn't sleep well last night. You, uh, have been solo momming for three days in a row. You, whatever it is, you're pregnant with a toddler. Like, it's just having a moment with myself to be like, Like, it's okay. Like, you're allowed to not be totally together and perfect all the time. And then also with him, I apologize. I'm like, I'm so sorry. Mommy's really frustrated. And, you know, I love, you know, just like having that moment of repair. And it's wild, even at two and a half, how he feels that. And I don't know if he fully cognitively understands, but like the energy of the moment helps him to step into his own regulation through my own regulation.

1:15:28Lindsey Simcik:And it's not that I expect him to forget, but there is just like a closing of the loop of the moment that I think is so important to see and feel and experience as a child. because I didn't, I'm sure you didn't either, like just experience that. It's like the full story of the moment. It's the losing it, being aware of it, recognizing it, regulating yourself, and then bringing in the child and saying, I'm sorry, and I love you and whatever. You know, it's just, it's a full moment that I think we deserve and our children deserve too. Yeah, I love that too because it's just like, and this is when the change happens of life in the moments like that where you're like, oh, this is actually the moment of change where I'm choosing a different thing than I experienced.

1:16:19I'm giving myself permission to feel what I'm feeling. I don't have it perfect, but I'm giving myself permission to walk a different path that I haven't seen and do it a different way. And that is also like you and a new identity.

1:16:33Lindsey Simcik:Exactly. I'm a woman. I'm a mother. I'm a person. I'm someone that loves, you know what I mean? It's like those truth moments are huge. And I think we really wanted to do this episode, you know, for the audience and even for ourselves as like a little permission slip to really support people that are leaving relationships, are starting new businesses, are moving cities or learning to speak their truth, whatever that is. And just remembering that the timeline that you're on for your life is not fixed. It is not like determined. It is not like predestined. Like you can change your life at any moment.

1:17:06You can become who you came here to be. And the stories you're telling yourself, that's all that needs to change for you to find courage on your path.

1:17:14Lindsey Simcik:Yeah. And I think just permission to get excited when you kind of feel the rumblings of like a new life underneath you and know that it will come with a very dynamic experience of highs and lows and grief and loss and excitement. but knowing that you've been here before, knowing that you are fully equipped to move through this and knowing that you can take it at your pace. It doesn't need to be something that you just get through or get over in a short period of time. You can take your time and trust yourself on that. Love y 'all. We love y 'all. So we have 800 plus episodes of Almost 30. If you're new, welcome.

1:17:59I'm so glad to have you. We have solo episodes like this where Lindsay and I just deep dive on topics that feel on our hearts and relevant to us. Almost 30 podcast.com, almost 30 podcasts on TikTok and Instagram. Please subscribe, rate and review. It means the world. You can follow us on all socials. You can watch us on YouTube. We have a really beautiful setup this week, which is nice. I'm on Instagram at itskrista. And I'm at lindsaysemsick. We'll see you soon. Bye.

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