862. I’m Pregnant with Baby #2! An Unfiltered Update + Q&A

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0:42Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. I'm Lindsay Simsek. I am here for a solo today, a very special solo, a very intimate solo, one that I've been wanting to do, but in true Lindsay fashion. I've just kept this news close to my chest for a little bit. And that news is I am pregnant. And I recently announced this on social media. And yeah, that is the news. I'm pregnant. I'm so excited. I'm pregnant with our second. And I just wanted to come on here and answer some questions that I've been getting from friends, from like people that have known that I'm pregnant and I just feel like they're really good questions that I feel like maybe a lot of you might have, whether you're thinking about getting pregnant or you are pregnant, would love to just be really transparent and honest.

1:45So welcome to the show. This is a place where I hope you feel less alone. I hope that you feel supported in seasons of change. Krista and I started this 10 freaking years ago, which is insane. Yeah, you guys have seen us grow up. You've seen us move through very beautiful and intense seasons of our lives from marriages and divorces to babies to, you know, just moves across the country. And all the while we've remained best friends and just incredible supporters of one another. And it's just been so wonderful to support you all and to feel supported by you all. So thank you. Thank you for being here.

2:31Let's get into this solo. I'm really excited. So yes, I am pregnant. It's hard to keep quiet. It's hard to keep a secret, especially as someone who's like kind of public in the way that I share my work and creativity and connect with you all. Having my Instagram stories and everything be, you know, from the shoulders up is a dead giveaway usually. And I typically have people in my DMs who just know me, not personally, but just kind of follow me and get the vibe and have their prego radar up that they're like, are you pregnant? What's happening? So a bunch of you said that. And yes, it is true.

3:14I am due early summer. And one of the questions I've just been getting from people in general is how are you feeling? And what's different about this pregnancy, since this is the second time round, we're doing this. And I'm feeling at this moment, and this episode comes out, I'm still in my second trimester. When this episode comes out, I believe I'm nearing the end of my second trimester. When I'm recording this, I'm kind of in the middle and I'm feeling really good. You know, I feel very blessed to say that both my first pregnancy and second pregnancy, yes, the first trimester up to about 13, 14 weeks, I'm not feeling my best.

3:54I'm feeling incredibly exhausted. I am feeling nauseous for a good part of the day. I'm feeling uncomfortable in my body, self-conscious of the changes in my body, mentally just not as strong. So that's always a hard one. But in second trimester, when I begin to show, and I popped way earlier in this one, yeah, I feel good overall. However, pregnant with a toddler is an Olympic sport. It should be the new Olympic sport in Milan this year. It is wild and I'm, I'm surprising myself every day with what I can do. Um, I think the positive is that it kind of makes everything go by much quicker because I'm not so focused on the fact that I'm pregnant.

4:48Um, I'm so focused on my son and like tending to my family. So it feels like it's going by quite quickly, but man, oh man, I just had like a whole weekend of solo parenting. My husband was away for work. And yeah, it was exhausting because our nights aren't great right now either. So it was pretty much 24 hours a day being on in some way. And I just have to find my pockets where I can support myself, whether it's, you know, 10 minutes in front of my red light while he independent plays. You know, it is while he's in the bath next to me, maybe I'm doing a little gua sha. It's getting creative. And it's those little pockets that honestly give me the, I would say, energy and just like self attention that gets me through, you know, the next 12 hours.

5:54Because if I go through a couple days and I haven't done anything for myself, anything that feels really good and pleasurable, it can be really hard and taxing. Not to say that being with my son isn't pleasurable. Any parent knows what I'm talking about when I say it's just different, right? Like there is just a level of discomfort I think that comes with parenting at any given moment that is very normal but also kind of creates like a depth in the moment if you stay there and you're present and you don't try to escape it and you don't give in if that's the circumstance and it just creates a much more full experience that I wouldn't describe as like fun or pleasurable.

6:52It's more like deep joy. It's more like curiosity and dimension to a moment that like I've never experienced before. So that's a woo-woo way of saying it, but it's really true. It's just, it's more complex than just like, oh, this is fun because it's not always fun. Um, so yeah, I am feeling good. I'm super grateful. We'll see how the trimester goes. Um, another question I've gotten is that people have heard, and I've heard this too, that the second child actually changes the life of the partner more than the one who's going to give birth. Um, and I've been asked, like, how are you guys preparing for that?

7:37Will you guys think about that. And Sean and I have talked about that. I think he's heard that from people. I don't know if he's fully digested it and taken it in. But we're in the process of having multiple conversations about this. It's not just like a one and done sit down. Because there's certain things you can't necessarily fully prepare for. there's so much there's so many things that are unexpected in parenthood that you just have to kind of be open to in the moment noting and then being able to have a conversation to kind of level set with your partner but the conversations we are having and going to have more of about this transition is what is our communication going to look like on a daily and weekly basis even on a monthly basis as well.

8:35Just really checking in with one another. He's a very, very busy professional, loves his job, works a ton, provides an incredible life for our family. And there's just logistics to that that make it pretty impossible for him to give as much time to our kids as I do, because I have the capacity to do that. And I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm speaking to you and there's a ton of people out there that are having this experience. It's not bad. It's not better. It's not worse. It's just this is our experience. And I know there are some people out there that have the other partner as the primary parent and the birthing partner goes out to work again quite quickly and whatever works for your family.

9:25But I think the main point I'm trying to make is communication. So on a daily basis, what type of communication are we having? In the morning when we wake up, can we check in with one another quickly? Check in about the night. How was the night? Because I'm sure one person was up with a child potentially. How are you feeling? Is there anything you need? Generally, I need him to check in with me on that because I've usually been up with Mav and I just, it feels good to have him check in. I can check in with him and say, the day ahead, how are you feeling? Do you have a lot on your plate? How's your spirit?

10:05How can I be supportive today or tonight when you get home? And generally, we've gotten into this flow where, you know, he'll brief me, he'll say, like, listen, I have a lot of work to finish up tonight. Let's have family dinner and let's watch a show together or let's like connect. And then I'm going to do work from like 9pm on. And so that really helps me to go into the evening knowing what I'm going to have to do alone, knowing what we're going to tag team together and knowing, you know, what he needs to get done. So it's not me guessing and it's not me being surprised. And so those daily check-ins of like what we can expect in the day, how we can support one another is really important.

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15:18On a weekly basis, I like on a Sunday to just kind of look at the week ahead. You know what's coming up this week? How many work dinners do you have? So how many dinners should I plan on cooking for us? For me, he's like, well, how many days are you recording? How many are you able to like get in your you time? Do you get to work out? You know, just checking in with one another. So we have a overarching idea of each other's capacity. And just on the capacity piece, Brene Brown talks about this. She and her husband do this, But oftentimes on a daily basis, if we remember, we'll text each other.

16:00I just did this the other day when he came back from a work trip. And I was like, what's your percentage at? And he was like, it's like 60%. And I was like, oh, mine's like 50%. And we just knew. We knew going into him coming back from a work trip, going into the night, like we were not our full capacity. But we could still work together to make happen what needed to happen. dinner, bath time, bedtime, all the things, but we had a lot more grace for one another. We had a lot more respect, compassion. And there wasn't this feeling of like, you should be doing more, you know, you should be doing in a different way.

16:37Oh, well, you weren't with our kid for the last four days, you were off working, but you didn't have anyone to take care of. So you should, you know, like all of that built up, weird resentment. We just squashed because we were like we're not at capacity or we're not at our fullest, you know, percentage. So let's just go into this, not having the highest expectations, but supporting one another and respecting one another. So that's super helpful. And I think with this second kit, I'll just kind of jump to that. It's going to be really important that we talk about what I'm going to need, especially in those first few months.

17:19You know, newborn life, I think in a lot of ways is easier and in a lot of ways is harder. So there's both. How are we going to support one another in this transition? What does that look like? And how are we going to support Mav in this transition? He's going to be almost three. And so, yeah, he understands what's going on, but it's going to, he's going to have his moments, I'm sure. And so how do we still make him feel just loved and give him the solo attention he needs? How do we incorporate and have him help with new baby because he's big brother. And I just, I want to be mindful about that.

17:58And so we as a team need to discuss what that looks like. and we need to kind of reconsider especially for him like when he's doing his work when he's at home you know and I think right now it's one kid with one kid it's easy to kind of default and slip into that work when say I'm taking him to the park and he slips into work okay fine but we're going to have a second kid. So there's going to be less time to have those pockets of work time. So how do you fit that in, get really focused work done, but then have the ability to unplug and totally plug into your family for an extended period of time and a day.

18:46And that's like what we'll need to talk about, you know, and it won't be perfect. I'm sure we'll have a learning curve, But again, it's talking about this, putting it on the table, making sure that both people are aware, honestly diffuses so much of the fighting that could happen and the resentment that could happen. So we are in the process. I'll keep you posted on kind of the questions we're asking one another. But those are my main concerns. And then I think just making sure we keep to our date days or date nights that we have as best as we can. And we've started that with MAV where every single weekend we have a date day as long as we can do it.

19:26And it's been wonderful. Great time for us to connect. And so how do we do that with two now? We can do it. You know, we will bring in the support. But I won't know how I feel until I'm in the moment. So it's just really like having the support and structure around it to help me get over the mental hurdle of like, oh gosh, I'm leaving and then we have to do this and then I have to handle, you know, like all the mental hurdles. I think that approaching a date day, especially the primary parent has, we will kind of work around. So that's what I'm thinking about there. Okay, next question I'm beginning is what are you doing movement wise?

20:13working out wise. So I felt like before the second pregnancy, I was working out probably, I'd say average three, best four days a week. I just felt like I was very busy with Mav, with family stuff, with home stuff, with work stuff that I wasn't prioritizing like I used to. I was, you know, going to our building gym, which is great. But I wouldn't say I was working out at max capacity. I would get in a workout class every once in a while. I would do a home workout. It just felt like I was at like 60 % in terms of my workouts. And it's funny, when I got pregnant, I just, and this happens where I just kick into high gear of like, I am growing something and it is very important.

21:07And I must do all that I can to support, you know, growing a healthy baby. And one of those things is movement, not only for the baby and your health, but for birth and all of that. So I actually feel like I'm working out more now that I'm pregnant. I would say four days a week. And I'm walking a lot. I'm doing strength training. So lifting heavy weights in a safe way. I love the Evlo app for this. This is, they have like great strength training workouts. We've had the founder on actually. This is not sponsored, but we've had the founder on. So you can check that out. She did an incredible week by week prenatal program.

21:50So every week that she was pregnant, she did a workout for the app. So I follow along with that, which has been phenomenal. And I love it because she's a doctor of physical therapy. it's all backed by research and support and science so um I just feel really good doing it I feel safe doing it and it teaches me so if I'm not if I don't have like the app readily available which is rare but if I don't I kind of know what is safe in pregnancy in terms of movements and whatnot so I love that I love Pvolve so I go to Pvolve classes here in the city P-V-O-L-V um also designed by doctors of physical therapy it's a different vibe though using different equipment and you could do it at home or in the class and i'm obsessed it feels so good it's hard and i like being in a class setting because it pushes me you know i stay committed i like to impress a teacher you know that's just me so those are my main three walking weightlifting and P-Volv.

22:58Every once in a while, I'll do a yoga class. I've slipped into hot yoga classes that aren't as hot, say like a 98 degrees, 95 degrees. And that is pregnancy safe so long as you are well hydrated. Talk to your doctor, obviously. But for me, it feels good every once in a while. And I've been really, really, really focused on stretching and mobility. So even just, you know, a little more than halfway through, I'm already focused on stretching and mobility to prepare for birth. I remember being in labor with my first and thinking, why the didn't I stretch? Because my hip flexors were on fire. That was probably for other reasons, but I just felt like they were so tight.

23:44It was crazy. So I am doing all of the mobility exercises. I kind of just get served them on Instagram now. So I'm just kind of following them there. And then in terms of stretching, I'm just making sure that my hips are really nice and flexible. um I'm doing like different pelvic stretches just mobility work um and it feels good it feels really really good so that's what I'm doing movement wise and we'll see how I'm feeling third trimester I'm excited about that because the weather's going to be better and I'll be able to walk even more I feel like my walking is mostly on the treadmill I'm excited to like get outside when the weather's better.

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27:49Okay. Do you have any fears about birth this time around? Really great question. When I'm recording this, I'm about halfway through and I haven't, of course I've thought about birth, but like I haven't gone that far yet. And I also feel so proud of myself and confident after my first birth. Thankfully, I have that story and testimony to share. I had a really fast birth. My water spontaneously broke overnight. I went into active labor immediately. I labored at home for four and a half hours in the shower and then headed to the hospital and he was born like an hour or so later. I got to the hospital.