881. Why intuitive women still ignore red flags in relationships

30:26And three years into the relationship, he just sort of hit his limit. But whenever he got triggered, we started talking about he started talking about marriage, and then he kind of freaked himself out. And I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, right. I want this. I don't want this. Oh, my God. I'm not even part of this conversation. You're having it by yourself. And, and he just hit this, this kind of block point where if I said, Well, this is what I got in meditation or this is the nudge I'm getting. He's like, that's not that relevant. Right. And he just sort of shut down. And within like two weeks, he just said, I think I need to end this relationship.

31:02I was like, wait, we went from talking about engagements to ending. And my spirit said, don't fight it, don't fight it, don't fight it. And I'm like, but this feels sad. And what's going on? And I feel like my spirit ripped the rug out from under me. And she said, he reached his limit. And he just his ego mind decided, I don't want to do this work anymore. I've healed enough. I don't want to change. Accept me for who I am, all the standard lines. And his spirit then said, well, then we're done. And our spirits agreed to just separate. And so even though it was painful, and even though it was this big disappointment from, oh, I thought we were on this path, headed north.

31:36Now all of a sudden we're heading west. What the heck, right? That abruptness and the disappointment and my surprise was all my ego mind having its own tantrum, right so I go into my apathetic place I'm like stupid dating and I don't want to do it right all that stuff I do my shutdown for a while so and then I process the pain in bits and pieces as I can and then when I came back out of it I was like oh now I understand how I kept making allowances for his selfishness because somewhere in the back of my mind I decided this is probably as good as it gets and I never would have acknowledged that consciously and then once I really processed all that and released, I was like, I like my own company and I'm fine to be okay.

32:15Not because I'm anti-dating or anti this. And within a couple of months met my husband. Wow. Yeah. That was the exact situation that I had. I know. You said two weeks, I'll do you better. 24 hours. Wow. Looking at rings 24 hours later. Yeah. Couldn't reach capacity. Yeah. had reached the limit of his spiritual well and also what he's willing to take on processing and breaking down right and and what that tells you is there's trauma he has associated with marriage that he doesn't have associated with dating and relationships right and i've had couples that i'm like date forever be engaged i have a couple that's been engaged for five years like we're never getting married because he just has a freak out about him like be engaged forever yeah it's Lovely.

33:04Yeah. Right? He can do that. No problem. Yeah. And if he ever says, no, let's get married. So then you've got to do some therapy first. You've got to do something that processes that. But know where your edges are, right? And you hit his edge, unfortunately, in a way that was painful for you. But that's what those edges look like, right? But my guides were also disappointed because I had an opportunity to speak up what was true for me. and I missed a few opportunities to speak truth that I felt. And so I had a lot of up-level opportunities, but I missed an opportunity for growth. I don't believe that.

33:41I think you can go back and still say those truths, even if it's not to him, but say them in such a way and run that scenario in your mind and you will still experience the internal growth. Oh, that's interesting to kind of like have the visual experience of that. Oh, that's interesting. Right? Picture him in front of you. And you may have to do it two or three times, but that's okay. Yeah. So picture him in front of you and say the things you want to say and imagine his ideal response back and then do it another time and imagine his shitty response back. Interesting. So each time you practice holding this new center of being this Krista, this version.

34:17Yeah. Right? This Krista 9.0 or whatever, right? And you're holding that and being that and you will absolutely have that same growth. Yeah. The fact that you can, you know, go, oh, wait, I missed a step back there. You can absolutely loop back into it. The universe is more perfect than that. That's a good one. So for anyone listening, if you have a conversation you need to have with anyone in your life, you can go back and have that conversation in your mind and sort of have that process with yourself. Yeah. Yeah. There's studies that have been done that when you do that sort of work, so like sometimes in a Zoom session with a client, you know, she'll say, well, this, you know, they'll tell me some awful story that their mom said this when they were young or whatever.

34:55And their dad told them they were too fat when they were six years old or something. and I'm like, okay, and I'll say, okay, now I want to, I'm going to be your dad and I want you to, you know, be this and we'll say exactly what would the, you know, I'll say what the ideal parent would have said. And, and it's stored separately in the body and the actual, the brain doesn't know the difference between which one actually happened and which one doesn't. So it merges the two. And so if you do it several times, like you do, each of those gets merged. You just keep up leveling how it is stored in your body, which informs your cells, which informs your evolution right so absolutely works yeah there's like a parts work of that like a shamanic parts yes yes of that which is so so so beautiful um why does like what does the role of free will and destiny play in the role of relationships do you think i think there's this goes back to some what to that soul contract idea that sometimes our spirits will pair us with people yeah so that we can, you know, I dated a guy that was like super good looking male model, you know, the stud, that guy swore he wasn't a player.

35:59Of course he was a player. And, um, and, and I dated him briefly and had a cancer scare, a mammogram come back. Like they call you, you got to come back in, but we can't see you for six weeks. And you're like, Oh my God. Right. And like I disappeared that night said, Oh my God, I'll totally be here for you. Didn't hear from for a week. wow right I was like okay so sometimes these people come in to show us and then I just I met my husband we were just friends because we were both dating other people and he was the person who picked me up and said I'm bringing you back to my house I'm making you a steak dinner and I've put on the princess bride because I googled best comfort movie and that one keeps coming up and he was just a friend and he just like this is how you take care of somebody you care about right and I was just like and the universe was like black white right just showing that.

36:49And so I think, because I hadn't been seeing him that way, right? We were friends, we were dating other people. And, and so I think that there's times where the universe has to keep nudging us. Yeah. Right. And I had a couple of ones come in. I sometimes do couple sessions and they came in and they said, it's so weird that we, you know, how we met. And it took us so long to meet because our lives overlapped so much. We found out we grew up in towns next to each other. We, you know, and their spirits are like, oh my God, what it took to put these two together, Like we had them in the airport at the same time.

37:19They walked right past each other. We had them meet at a bar once. She left early. They had all these different things that they did. And then they finally got them together. So I do think we can interrupt that. But if it's meant for you, you can't miss it, including some of the painful lessons because they're profound, right? It's our ego mind that decides if it feels bad, it must be wrong, right? So the destiny and free will part, I would say a lot of it can be explained if you visualize as a video game, not that I play many video games ever in my life, but in video games, they design backups.

37:52So if you miss something like this couple, like, oh, they both went to the same college and they never took one class together. They never saw each other on campus. So then the next backup is then they're going to run, you know, be at the same party and then they're going to be at the airport and her flight kept getting delayed because they wanted them to run into each other. So there's all these backups that we have planned, even for the, you know, you decide before you incarnate the day you're born and the day you're going to die but you also give yourself a couple what we call windows where the free will choice is allowed and if you're if your soul says yeah you've you've actually done 99 of the things we came here to do or perhaps in the case of somebody you've known recently we're not growing anymore and we refuse yeah then there's times where they're like okay it gets hit by a bus tomorrow not saying that's your guy but i mean but those those quote tragedies you know i have some clients whose whose relatives have been killed and like freak you know she went and never tonsils out i mean it's super easy surgery and she dies and she's like my cousin was shot five times in la and he was fine right i'm like yeah because we have these windows and some people say oh i know what one of my windows was i walked away from this car accident and nobody else did or we can feel that but but that's where that piece of free will comes in and and yet somebody can't say well i just refuse to die i'm gonna hang on i'm going to beat cancer i'm going to do this whatever i'm like well your soul gets to choose that ultimately you can fudge it on a few days here and there but but so there's free will comes into play and that it's acknowledged but the ego mind isn't allowed to make those really big decisions that are for our benefit yeah i definitely have seen in my life with relationships with people that i've known the it's like i have free will over what i'm doing but there's the destiny piece where it's like they will meet me at some point.

39:36Yes. You know? Yes. Like it's just going to happen no matter if the situation wasn't what it was. As someone that is deeply spiritual on a soul path, and I've had a lot of karmic contracts in my life. I've had a lot of soulmates in my life. I always wonder, and I think I've had a lot of men that have gone as far as they could and then reached a limit. Men are magnetized to me and also terrified of me. And so I've had that experience. I have a fear of like always having to have so many soul contracts to go through in this lifetime or karmic relationships. What I'm getting to is that I think a lot of spiritual women, including myself, have like this belief that they move faster through relationships, move faster through karma and lessons.

40:21Do you perceive that to be true? Yes. And I will say how my spirit has explained it is that when you're moving really quickly, you will outgrow friendships, right? So I'm always envious of the people that said, I've known her since the third grade. I'm like, I couldn't even tell you who was in my third grade. So I had my one best friend from all. Yeah. But that idea of these friendships that last a really long time in my spirit said, either it's an incredible one in a million shot where they've parallel tracked as they've grown, or they've made real big allowances for the path that each person has taken.

40:53That's exactly ours. Or third option, they both have a pretty shallow level relationship, and it's very surface. And so you can just be chitty chatty friends and go on morning walks together, but you're not really, you know, you're not saying that, but then you can be in each other's lives for a long time. So you know, those, but that idea of if you're growing fast, there aren't going to be a lot of people who keep up with you, the average person. So it comes into your life for a season. And so I have a lot of friends. When I meet somebody who I become friends with, I say, I want to give you this, like, I should come with a standard warning that I frequently go through friendships in three to five year cycles.

41:30And if I feel that we're done, I will say, I have loved being friends with you, but I feel like this is where the fork in the road is. And I feel like we're supposed to part. How does it feel to you? And some people, because they've had that warning, they go, God, you know, I'm feeling the same thing. Other people don't handle it so well they're like i feel like you're betraying me blah blah whatever the thing is and i have friends that i've had for 20 years but those are the minority right most of the time there is this cyclical pattern and for a lot of years i made it about me like oh my god what's wrong with me why can't i keep friends why why am i hard to love kind of thing and and then i realized oh no usually it's me and not because the person is awful right just because it it i just felt done yeah and it starts to feel heavy.

42:12Yeah. Do you feel triggered? Like what's the, cause I think for women listening, you know, what would be the impetus for that feeling triggered? It's a feeling of this weight, this relationship weighs too much. So if you picture two people carrying like a stretcher on their shoulders, like they, you know, old days and the other person gets taller and all of a sudden you're taking more and more weight of the relationship. I'm the one making first overtures. I'm the one making our plans. I'm the one, or they're canceling plans a lot. And I can feel I've just moved down the totem pole and priorities.

42:42And I'm like, that's fine. But then let's call it what it is. And let's move on, right? I don't want to. And so that idea of noticing how it feels, I always call it the phone test. If you if your phone buzzes and rings, and you know, somebody's calling you and you flip it over and you see that person's name, do you contract or expand? If you contract, pay attention to that. And if you go, Oh, that's really something. to pay attention. And some people just go through a bad time. You know, they're looking for work and they're bummed. And yeah, of course, there's times where a person can feel a little heavier.

43:15It's not like you ditch your friend if she's in a bad mood for two days. But somebody that the relationship itself starts feeling like you're carrying more weight than you feel is healthy for you. That's what I tell people to look out for. Yeah, the friends. I think a lot of women can relate to the feeling of having friends that you have an off feeling about. Yes. You just have this like off. But especially women will feel guilty acting on it because they don't want to be labeled a mean girl. They don't want to be labeled a bitch because they ended a friendship and the other person, quote, did nothing wrong.

43:47And I've said to friends before, like, I don't think I've done anything wrong or you've done anything wrong, but the way we move through life now feels not compatible. And I don't want to feel judged by you and I don't want you to feel judged by me. I'd much rather have a graceful off ramp off this freeway of our friendship right and do it and I want to take over your podcast here I want to loop back to well because you're like actually it's time for us to loop your spirit just keeps pointing to this one thing that she wanted me to say so okay that she's like this one girl yeah this is about the beginning part of that question forgive my bad memory but I think the beginning part of that question you said both in dating and in friendships, I feel like I have this pattern where I have to go through a lot of people.

44:34And your spirit is saying that as it relates to dating, one of your fears is that you're looking for a needle in a haystack. And that it will be hard to find somebody, this is her words, not mine, be hard to find somebody to quote, put up with you. And that that fear has you expecting guys not to last so that piece this is where this is where law of attraction piece comes in right that that piece has you hold your vibration in a little bit of a braced way yeah when you're in relationship yes and that makes you a vibrational match for men who could pull a runner does that resonate yeah i think that the put up with me i'm a i'm a joy and a pleasure and a delight and i'm uh the request to be in relationship with me is great a lot of personal work a lot of self-development i notice everything i'm very psychic like it's not okay i hear all that and i want to i want to do a reframe okay your spirit is saying what if we shift it as not there's a there's a high price to pay to get access to me which is reasonable and i i've use that language of other people, but I feel like you've outgrown it.

45:48I feel like for you, it should be, I'm the reward for men who have done their work. Right now sit back like you're in a lazy boy and enjoy being the reward, right? Dessert doesn't say you got to earn me as the dessert. You got to do this and that, right? It's just like, welcome to your red velvet cupcake. Oh, that's very interesting because that's actually very, that's great. But your energy just shifted as I said that. Could you feel it? Yes. Because I just, I made a connection because the connection was the original thought process was if I'm talking to or engaging with a man who has not done work, I will request and require that he does work to come to the level.

46:32But you're talking about a man that's at the level and I'm already, and I'm meeting him there. Yeah. He's either at the level, but he might be at the level, but on a slightly different plane. And so when he meets you, he goes a rich one how cool but how cool is that and he just shifts over yeah yeah yeah you're assuming even though let's challenge your language here even though you're saying i'm going to require him to do this work what i what i hear your spirit saying is you actually believe you're going to have to help him do it and so that's the lifting part yeah that your spirit wants to step you out of yeah i i wish for you the guy who says oh show me how you did that and i'll go do it yeah right Right.

47:12That's a good one. Right. So when I met my husband and he's he has a boring muggle job, right? But I know shame. I don't know. But he's you own you own a window company. Yeah. Whatever. But but his but he has a tech job, but he also is a Zen Buddhist master. And so he can do Zen coaching and work with Zen students. And so it wasn't at all what I did. But when he met me, he was on a parallel enough play parallel enough place that when I said, well, well, this might sound strange, but here's what I do. And I channel my spirit, my client's spirits. He's like, cool. Show me how you do that. I'm like, what do you mean?

47:48He's like, show me. Right. So I just channel. And he's like, okay, here's what I do. Right. And then we just sort of found our common ground and our common language. And one of the things that in the past when relationships started to feel heavy, right. And I knew they were over is when the guy became too dependent on me. I don't know what restaurant should we go to. I'm like, Jesus, I'm dating myself. I make all the decisions I do everything right and and the opposite happened with Stephen because I would say oh you know I heard that we're not really absorbing this brand of vitamin b anymore so I'm going to switch us this one he goes hold on that was a message for you I want to feel that out for myself give me the new brand give me the old brand I'm like okay and he goes I don't think you should have to be in charge of what's going on in my body that's that doesn't feel right at all and I was like okay good for you right nice and he just wasn't going to give up his agency which totally love right and he's like no doubt you are right most of the time but everybody makes mistakes i'm like heck yeah i'm not god i can get stuff wrong and he's like so i always going to run it through my filter so you never have that responsibility for me wow and i was like hello right that but and i i offer that so that people can hear that as a possibility yeah he's not the only one i've worked with other women and as they step up i mean your spirit gave you a beautiful reframe but as they reframe who they are and what their potential partners need to be like look like act like they magnetize those people because they're holding themselves in a different vibrational state you just to pick on you when you were talking held yourself in the energy of i want a guy who'll do all this work but he also has to be very successful financially and in that was the was the hidden phrase of but i probably can't have both yeah and then you have to choose and i don't think that's true at all i'm not buying into that right in your spirit's like who's i know something for that package right that's not accurate the other night my soul my like sometimes i have like you know dreams that are metaphors dreams that are thinking my soul the other night in my dream was like I did not come back to earth to not be rich.

49:53Just straight up said that. I was like, yes, sister. Because you know, abundance is there. Totally. Right. And then we all fall into that trap of, but you have to follow the recipe exactly to get it. Totally. And that's, there is no recipe. So then we just chase our tails forever. Right. Is it, is it law of attraction? Is it this, is it manifesting? Is it vision boards? Is it, what is it? Right. And, and all those have great points to them, right? The to be magnetic stuff has great. There's lots of good stuff out there. But no one thing is going to shift you into just like, oh, now you have total abundance and you're rich until you find those ways to start sort of celebrating what you know to be true, even before it gets to you, right?

50:35It's like, oh, I'm already celebrating that like, you have the secret codes, right? And so you don't have to go hunt down the lock that those secret codes will hold, you know, open up, just start delighting the fact that you have it and it'll magnetize the lock to you. Give a, give a tangible example for how people can apply that. Okay. So I would say find, because people are going to really want to hear about money. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So find aspects of your life that are wealthy and start talking out loud and to yourself and you know in your head about how cool it is that you have that wealth and then your your energy field starts looking to expand all of the areas of abundance you can talk about so when I got divorced the first time my husband ended up filing bankruptcy into himself so all of a sudden I'm like oh it's just me supporting these two kids and and had just moved from east coast to the west coast didn't have a practice here yet so had to start that from scratch.

51:38And you could have woken me up at two in the morning and said, how much money is in your bank account? I could have told you to the penny because it was so stressful every month. And so then my spirit started coaching me on this. Okay, but where, where are you wealthy? And I'm like, no effing where am I wealthy? And, and she said, well, you live in a country where if you, you know, called an ambulance tomorrow, it'd be here in five minutes and take you to the hospital. And if you couldn't pay, they'd still set your broken leg or they do whatever. And I'm like, yeah, that is a type of wealth. And she's like, and you live in a place where, you know, you're a woman who has rights.

52:11And you if you know, if some guy starts accosting you on the street, you could you could sue that person there, you know, she started telling me the areas that I did have wealth that I just didn't see them as well. And she's like, and you have this many friends, you have this many people who care about you, and your kids are healthy, and you have this. And to some degree, it could just be like, oh, platitudes. But the way I felt it was, oh, I've only been taught to celebrate wealth in these two or three ways. I have the Ferrari, or I have the big bank account, or I have the huge mansion. And when I started leaning into that, she said, what would the next level of wealth look like?

52:46And I said, I think the next level would be, I go to Whole Foods, I put everything I want in my cart, and I just flip my credit card on there, and I don't even look at the total. And she's like, then that's what's next. And within six months, I was there. right and she's like and and then what right and and it was some baby steps but then she'd also point out something like hey did you notice that when you said oh i'd love to have these certain kind of washcloths but they were this woman was doing like a multi-level marketing that was like 60 bucks for like a pack of three i'm like it's a stupid washcloth i'm not paying 60 bucks for these right the very next day i was in the grocery store my spirit's like go down the baby aisle i'm like, hello, my kids are teenagers.

53:26She's like, go down the baby aisle and I go down. And they're the exact same washcloths,$6 for three of them in a pack. And they were identical. I bought them for like all my friends. I gave me this Christmas presents that year and all my girlfriends like, how do we get more of these? I'm like, right? But that I chalked that up as abundance. Right. And so now I'm like, I am tripping over the stuff the universe likes to put my path and the universe loves to show off. So if you start giving credit for that, like, oh my God, universe, that's so cool. I started playing with like, I'd see a cool sweater, or a top, or a neat bag on somebody on the street or on a commercial or TV show.

54:02And I'd say, like that or something better. And within two weeks, like that or something better. Now, I might look at the price tag and go, Oh, no, don't want to spend$1 ,200 on that shirt. But, but that idea of the universe, getting playful and liking to show off with that, it's much trickier to do it with potential dates. But you, you start in the field of where when someone meets you they don't feel any scarcity then you start attracting the people who long ago gave up their scarcity ideas and they're not what as i was getting there as i was starting to build i could track i would date a guy i'd be like oh i'm so tired of women just wanting somebody who has a lot of money like me and blah blah and then when i reached a certain level says a man with no money no he had money he was a doctor but he was like all these women just want blah blah blah i'm like let's talk about billionaires yeah and but I also had to do the work of why do I why do I feel like I need the person who has that kind of money what is the security it brings me what is the understanding it brings what is the sense of importance it brings me what is the sense that I think the universe is endorsing me in my work because it has once I healed a lot of those perceptions and misperceptions then then more passive streams of income started showing up right for a couple years I kept getting all these refund checks from the IRS for like 20 grand, 30 grand.

55:21I'm like, I don't, I don't, what are you talking about? And my spirit's like, oh, just cash it. I'm just sending you some more money. I'm like, okay, thank you. Yeah. You're like, love it. You're like, great. You're like, I'm not going to jail. That sounds good. Yeah. What do you feel about signs? Like signs and synchronicities? Like, do you feel like the, our spirit talks to us in signs and synchronicities? Do you feel like the universe does? A lot of women listening love signs and synchronicities. Yeah. And I, I love signs and synchronicities if you then take the next step and sit down and get the deeper message behind it.

55:51So like I get a sign when I'm in the shower, if my spirit wants to tell me something, I see like almost looks like glitter, that little, you know what I'm talking about? And I know that when that's basically saying, it's like the old days when they have people at answering machines and the light would blink. It's like saying, you got a message. There's something we want to share with you hawks to me mean pay attention so if i see a hawk or i hear a hawk it's like pay attention notice what you're thinking notice what other people are saying owls are an endorsement there it's like yes yes yes right keep going so yes those and sometimes that's all you need but frequently you're like what else right and so when you sit down and and like in my in my book i talk about like different ways to just get in alignment with your spirit so that you can feel is there more there or was that it was it was it simply a go go go cheerleading sign or are you trying to tell me something deeper I had a dream this owl was looking at me and in the dream it was for 10 minutes of the dream it was the longest dream of my life just like an owl looking at me and it was like we're you know you know what this is about and I was like I know what this is about next day I'm walking with someone I'm dating that I shouldn't have been dating we walked past this giant like owl figurine in front of the house I was like never seen it before in my life haven't seen it since I was like got it thank you so much just in case you missed it literally and I like it's funny because men are very intuitive too because I said I was like I saw that in my dream last night he's like oh like we both were like uh-oh we both knew it wasn't a good omen like rut ro scooby yeah literally and actually indian um culture owls are like negative premonitions oh interesting yeah it's like a negative sign to see but um yeah owls always have the wisdom wisdom i really love that because i think too it's what meaning do you make of it what's the feeling you have of it and i definitely think that i i'm curious if you feel like this is true.

57:57There's signs and synchronicities that you might see and have reoccurring in your life as like, just like a consistent something. And then like for me, if something feels very true, my eyes water. Like if I'm saying something with a client, they say something that my eyes will water when I feel truth. But then there's also kind of things that come in and out. Like there was a period of owls. There was a period of dragons. There's a period of, you know what I mean? I had these like things kind of come up. So those, those things that come in and out have to do with guides that are assigned to you and we cycle through guides just like i was talking earlier about cycling through friends so certain guides will want to use dragons dragon imagery to you and then you graduate from that guide and you get another guide and that guy's like i don't care about dragons i want to show our house right so so a lot of times when people say well why did those signs go away like because that guide lab yeah right you graduate to these other we have roughly 30 guides around us is what i'm told and some people say 33 36 i don't care yeah yeah but but in general you're you have kind of this core group but then you have others who come in and out depending on how you evolve and where you get stuck and where you need extra help and they will each use their own signs and i find that people that take that have the most reliance on signs sometimes don't believe they can get the deeper answers so it has to come from external right and so totally so my My work, my goal is all about teaching you to access that resource of wisdom within you so that the sign just says, go pick up your messages.

59:31Sometimes feeling good is the only sign you need. Yeah. Feeling light, feeling expansive. I've been working with, I work really closely with my guides, but I haven't been interested in ancestors. I'm not interested in my ancestors. I'm not super interested either. Maybe they were boring. I don't know. I know, literally. And that's, it's so bad because there's one of my grandmas is always with me every reading, every time she's always here. And she was the grandma I beef with when I was little, but we beefed. And when I was little and I've been trying to find peace and like reverence for it, like in love and respect.

1:00:04Like I feel like I don't respect her as, you know what I mean? I'm trying to like make peace with that. And I'm trying to have, I'm not going to work with my ancestors that much, but I'm, I should have reverence and respect for them. Like, but for some reason I'm like, I don't. But it's funny because I was like praying to God. I was like, God, I just like, I just want to have more reverence for my guides, my ancestors that are here with me more than I do because I'm such an angel whore. I'm like, angels are my fucking squad. I'm like, I need more reverence. I opened up this book. It's called Jesus Speaks.

1:00:32I know that book. Yep. I literally opened it up and this whole chapter was Jesus talking about how it's so important to love our ancestors because everything that they did allows us to do everything that we're doing now and every step that they took gives us the step to go further and it was just this two pages of respect for your ancestors like got it but maybe your spirit is saying perhaps you are conflating some ideas here that reverence for your ancestors means a type of approval for who they were oh that's interesting and seeing so much value in who they were and that isn't that doesn't necessarily have to be the case yeah that's true right say more because this this like Say a sentence that was common that your grandmother would describe your dynamic.

1:01:14Children should be seen and not heard. Okay. So your spirit right away gives me the visual of a swimming pool that you're swimming laps in. And she was the side you got to push off against. She was the resistance that helped you pull forward your voice of who you were here to be. That's a good one. She really did. Right? So she helps you develop your fifth chakra. So you have reverence for her as your teacher. Sometimes our best teachers are the least fun to spend time with. One of my most, you know, when you're little, you have your core memories that created who you are, was us at the dinner table, Thanksgiving.

1:01:50My dad lost his job quite a bit. My dad has lost his job again. And my grandma was going after him. Because my dad was very weak. So I was going after him to help my mom. And I remember I was so pissed. I was like, don't talk to my dad that way. And I used the word brash. I was like, how could you be so brash? And I was like 12. And I was like, she doesn't even know what's going to hit her when I say brash. Like I really got her. And then we got in a fight. But then I like learned that using my voice was bad from that memory. That was the interpretation. Why? What happened? Because I got rejected by my mom.

1:02:29She was mad at me. My dad was mad at me. And everyone was mad at me. Hold on. I feel like your spirit is trying to say something. I feel like I had to clean this up. I understand when I'm speaking, I'm speaking from the little girl of the experience. Sure, sure. I'm not speaking from. Because what your spirit showed me is as you said that to your grandmother, she showed me your fifth chakra getting deeper layers. So we develop our chakras and we get depth to them that we're going to use later in life. So your ego mind stored it as, see, this is why I need to be more agreeable. This is why I can be hard to love because I speak my truth and I say what's true and then it makes other people uncomfortable and then they reject me for it.

1:03:04absolutely get all that makes perfect sense from a logical place but the reason it's such a core memory also is because your fifth chakra developed additional layers that day where you're like i'm gonna access wisdom and say it out loud even when it makes people uncomfortable because telling the truth in this dynamic it wasn't just you standing up for your dad it's like saying what is so is more important than keeping the peace and you're that person now right so that was a key developmental stage and look at what an important role your grandmother played in that totally right she had to be the villain yeah that's a great point i think that's a really really good point and so the reverence happy that you're saying that before we incarnate we assign people roles of being the villain the girl that takes your you know boyfriend in high school college and and a lot of times souls are like i don't want to go be the villain and we're like no no i'll remember it's all at the soul level so right and then we get down and of course we forget in two seconds and we're like i hate her right yeah and and so reverence is simply agreeing to remember yeah the role you asked her to play which she played beautifully and let you develop because if every if you grew up in the Brady Bunch and everything was hunky-dory you would you wouldn't really have much of a voice you'd be kind of the boring Stepford wife right so that that wasn't your path yeah wow there's your reference yeah I love that it's not like oh I'm gonna bow down to her and you know light a handled her every day it's just again it's that reframe yeah i love that i wonder your spirit's very wise she's very wise i tell you what she's she's amazing i wonder you know this is very human thought and we don't even need to explore it but i'm just gonna say it you know it's hard to not think how many who's in whose life have i been the villain oh plenty of people plenty of people from the littlest thing of taking somebody's parking spot and letting them have a tantrum about it so they get to see how they behave right that we we play the villain for people all the time i mean think of it like we're all in close quarters and how many times do you step on people's toes i've stepped on people's toes a million times not because i'm trying to it's just that just happens when humans are hanging out with humans right and so i know i've played the villain in people's stories even when i'm telling the truth and ending a friendship yeah i was i of course.

1:05:23I've said to somebody like, I really, you know, we, we barely talk anymore. We, we, we only talk about surface stuff. I think, I mean, it was, to me, it was like such a nothing burger, right? It's like, so of course, let's just call it what it is. And she wrote me back this text. You are a terrible friend. You know, I value long-term community, you know, and it was like, oh, I'm now threatening your identity that you hold onto all your friendships for a long time. So I'm the villain because I'm breaking this pattern you take pride in. All right. You know, in my spirit said, sometimes you have to be willing to be the villain to keep yourself comfortable with what is true for you.

1:05:53Totally. And I'm like, I can't live something that's untrue. So you don't have your pattern disrupted and you don't have to change your identity. And so, yeah, I've been the villain plenty of times. Wow. I have two. Yeah. I mean, I have a podcast. I'm sure people listening or I'm sure they're listening because I'm the villain. What do you think about cords, energetic cords? I think there's a lot of conversation about, especially in dating, energetic cords between two people. Do you believe you have to dissolve of them cut them? Do you believe in cords? Yes, all of those. I think that sometimes there's one, everything's lumped into cords.

1:06:30Yeah. And it's not like we're all walking around with 97, you know, man-of-war tentacles hanging out of us. But I do think that there are energetic pathways we leave open, right, of people we care about and we've taken responsibility for. And those are worth examining, right? So relatives that we care about, you know, the sister or brother that you're worried about because they're sort of the ne 'er-do-well and they're you know always struggling or whatever we might leave that energetic pathway open we're sort of leaking energy there all the time because we're trying to keep our finger on the pulse of how is she really doing how is he really doing those sort of things that's not a cord so when people are going to say i'm going to cut that cord i'm like i don't i don't think you want what you think you want right that's what we're talking about totally and that's retaliation cutting of the cord is still energetic connection yes because you're like i'm gonna cut this well said yes and yeah revenge cutting is not a thing, right?

1:07:20And so a lot of times it's just recognizing where are you leaking energy out and you're coming to me and asking me to cut the cord, again, externalizing this power of saying, Christine, can you fix this so that I don't keep thinking about the guy I stopped dating two years ago when he cheated on me? And I'm like, well, there's no cord for me to cut. You keep sending thoughts there because you're still in a victim story about it. You're feeding energy to an old story that he's not even in it. Yeah, right. This is that's not a cord to be cut. So I think it gets generalized to mean a lot of things that it isn't.

1:07:52But absolutely, there can be things like that where people feel entitled to your energy. Right? Or they feel entitled either because you work for them or because you are related, right? But he's your cousin. I don't care, right? So there's a lot of things that people get plugged into, you know, and have their energy drained by things, people feeling entitled. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I think what I see a lot is I dissolve cords. I don't really do a lot of cord work. I just ask for recalibration, a little bit of cords. Because I don't know. I think even the desire is a desire of an energetic that keeps the connection.

1:08:31The thought keeps the connection. So if I have even the desire, I can ask for recalibration or I can ask for dissolving. But I think when people try and cut, it's like... Well, I think so often when people ask for a cord to be cut, they're asking to be freed and released from how often they still think about that person. Yes, agreed. And that is not done. It's done energetically, but it's done within that person. Agreed, 100%. Right? So that's, you know, it's a little flag when they come to me and say that, that that's really what we're going to talk about. Yeah, totally. You know, how are you still in that relationship all by yourself, right?

1:09:01Yeah, totally. Yeah, totally. Yes, totally. What are common ways that our spirit communicates with us? well i love the phrase feelings of the language of the soul so the first thing is is through feelings and i've learned to pay a lot of attention to the center of your chest do you expand or contract so like even before you shifted when i talked earlier you expanded then you start to get a little bit of teary-eyed and that's your spirit rushing forward going yes yes yes so as your spirit comes forward in your body you will naturally like open up and expand and step towards that truth, right? And then you can feel the emotion that's there, different stuff.

1:09:40And so that idea of expansion or contraction should be your compass day to day, right? I mean, even driving here, Google Maps had some kind of a brain fart and it's like, turn right. And I'm like, really? I think I should be turning left. And it's like, turn right. And my chest contracted. And I listened to Google Maps and then it said, make a U-turn. I'm like, damn it, stop. so even i will you know yeah rely on logic okay it's google maps let's look right and my intuition was accurate right and so then you know i'm like okay i'm gonna just follow that so paying attention to that is really important and then like i said when we sit in meditation or we're journaling and we're wondering is this my spirit or is this my ego mind look for that contraction look for how it comes in a message from your ego mind comes in like an arrow it's very straight it's very direct and it's very urgent because it's being sent by fear even if it's something positive it's a god i hope this is true there's a fear there and if it's from your spirit it floats in like a cloud and if you're in doubt i always say ushered away like any other random thought when you're meditating and then watch how it comes back and if it just comes back and you're just kind of like, oh, yeah, right?

1:10:56Then it's your spirit, right? So our spirit loves to communicate with us through those feelings, those nudges, those. But it can also be a visual. I had a woman who was trying to decide if she should take this promotion at work. And she said, you know, I journaled about it for a couple days, but, you know, the ego mind gets excited. Ooh, it's a lot more money, and it's this, and it's that, and it's a better title, and I have this many more people reporting to me. And so she had a hard time really meditating and getting all those ego excitement bits out of the way. and so finally she just she's just driving and she's talking to her sister on the phone and she just gets this visual in her head of her out in the middle of the ocean like dog paddling like she's drowning wow and she's like that's weird and she's still talking to her sister about the job and it comes back again and then she gets home and she has a session with me and I said your spirit said if you take that job you're gonna feel like you're drowning wow and she said I already accepted.

1:11:53I just, it's more money. It's this, it's that. It's just, it's too good to pass up. I'm like, okay, now we're going to, you know, now your spirit's going to have to help you navigate it. Within two months, she's like, I'm drowning. I found out that they fired three people and gave me that same role that all three people were doing. There's, I was set up to fail. There's no, of course I'm drowning. There's no way one person can do this. And her spirit actually turned it into something where she developed her own power to speak what was true and spoke in front of the board and said, here's what needs to happen.

1:12:23And they ended up giving her a whole division and she got to remake it the way she wanted. She hired good people, but it was a, it was a journey. We worked together every month. And, and, but she said, man, I get those visuals now. I pay attention. They speak truth. Right. Do you feel like our soul or spirit talks to us through dreams? Like how do you work with dreams? What are your thoughts on dreams? I think dreams, I don't want to say they're used as a last resort. Cause that makes them sound less than but oh my god send her a drink yeah literally but i do think that there's times when people call me and say i've had a i've had this dream and i'm like okay now sit with it and really feel is it a message or is it something you want to be a message and they usually know the answer right and so if if you have a dream and it's prophetic and it's it's telling you something about the future you wake up and you can't get it out of your head and not because you hope it's true or you fear it's true it's just like oh it's just it's like it's already true yeah right and and then they don't have to ask me about those if somebody has to ask me could you tell me if this dream means anything i'm like i can already tell you it doesn't mean much that's so true right so if somebody's having to ask about it they're reaching in some way and and i and i'll just say sit meditate or journal and allow the truth to come in that way i mean sometimes we get dreams when we just our life is so busy we're not even making the space to be quiet and still so our spirit's like all right last ditch let's yeah throw the hail mary pass of a dream totally but but that idea of that's your spirit's preferred way of communicating not usually right yeah they want you to be more like conscious well more of a more of an active participant totally right totally because the idea is of all of this is develop your your elevated intelligence which is something i coined for the book which is a combination of your lived experience and your intuition, right?

1:14:16And your spirit's wisdom. So that elevated intelligence, when you operate from there, yeah, you're going to end up in this amazing job. You're going to end up with the right relationship. You're going to end up with lots of abundance because you're operating from your elevated intelligence. Yeah. Spirit guides. A lot of women want to find their spirit guides, connect with them. They want to, are they different than your spirit? Like, tell me about spirit guides. Okay. So yes, they're different from your spirit. Your spirit, as we said, is an aspect of your soul blended with a little bit of your ego mind.

1:14:48And your guides, they come in largely to practice influencing you with emotion. So when people say, channel my finance guide and ask if I should buy the stock, the finance guide holds his hands up and backs away like, whoa, whoa, that's not how I'm supposed to do it. So I will say, if you got this nudge like oh i think i'm supposed to sell those stocks today then really sit down and get clear and if you feel it do it because that he's trying to go yeah yeah yeah but he's unlikely to say tell her to buy 40 shares of amazon today but just it's not how guides work and and i've had a lot of guides like back up when i try but like if i'll invite my nature guides when i go shopping for plants at the nursery and i i bent down a super cool bush and this beautiful flowers on it.

1:15:32And I heard this. Ooh, it's like, that's probably not going to be living in my yard for very long. And she's like, yeah, that you don't get nearly enough sun in that spot for that. That's not going to make it. Okay, got it. Right. So I will get little messages, but it's it's feeling based first. And so people who want to talk to their guides, again, I just keep making people wrong for this stuff. But it I think a lot of times people who want to talk to their guides are again externalizing this idea. It's almost a form of self-rejection, like, well, my spirit couldn't possibly have all the answers.

1:16:05I need to go to my guides. And it is a lack of self-trust in your own inner wisdom. So when I teach, and in my intuitive energy healing classes, I teach people to start hearing their spirit from day one. What I say is your first connection is always to your spirit. And I have you set up boundaries where you speak to your spirit, and you set this boundary up through prayer. I want to speak to my spirit and only who my spirit approves. Because I've been sitting wide open in meditation before and some guy starts talking to me about how I should buy stocks. And then I'm like, oh, is this a finance guy?

1:16:42No, it's this guy, Jim, in my neighborhood who died two weeks ago. And he just wants somebody to talk to him. Oh my God, Jim, you died poor. I'm not taking advice from you, right? So real. So people get worried about speaking to random spirits or people with ill intent. I'm like, hold that boundary of I want to hear from my spirit and anybody my spirit brings me. And there are times when I'm in meditation and this beautiful woman appears and she's in flowing robes and my spirit will say, you know, this is somebody that's a new guide for you. This is somebody that's a master teacher. But I always look to my spirit first and say, is this somebody you approve of?

1:17:20Interesting. You recommend I speak to. And if she gives a nod or she brings that soul forward, absolutely want to hear and if she just kind of shrugs like i don't know who that is i'm like get out right totally yeah i'm working with that now with more of my client sessions have more beings coming in than than before and they've always come in but it's like definitely been more and i'm having more ancestor or more like family members or like past people and i don't want people yeah i don't want to talk to them so i would set up the boundary and you don't have to do it once yeah right but you can say for my private sessions yeah i want to speak i want information from my spirit and my guides because you've got a lot of guides around you and that person's spirit and their guides yeah and if if it if it isn't in that category then please have them be outside of the of those parameters of this and the universe absolutely honors those boundaries i mean since i've made that boundary i haven't had any random any random no randos yeah i don't think i had a energetic protection um to this one recently it was like really gross really gross energy really gross person yeah but it was helpful what they what they gave was helpful so that was it was weird about it it's like the information that i got from that was was very helpful we wouldn't have we wouldn't have been the same okay so what i would do in that situation is i would say going forward if there's energies we'll just call them energies like that that want to come forward they speak to my spirit and my spirit tells me the message okay cool use your spirit as a translator yeah that's a good one because what you're saying is gross is there are there are um entities energies that come in that have what i call a residue that gets left on you yes and so when something like that happens afterwards you can say please cleanse me of any residue of dark energy that is not my own right and and then hold the intention for that to happen and that can occur but but how using your spirit as a translator i can do mediumship work i don't advertise it right but but if somebody's relative who's passed on comes to speak but i can feel they still have a lot of anger or whatever i will say please speak to my spirit my spirit will give me the message love that right because i'm like i don't deal with that right it's just it's more tiring totally to channel when you've got somebody you're having to kind of sift through all this venom that's coming out because this person's really bitter and angry about something and and that's not very often but but know that you can always use your spirit as a translator and that everyone can and you're like I said nobody has your back like your spirit yeah I love that what's one spiritual practice that you think like every woman listening should do take 10 minutes a day to be really quiet and ask what does it feel like to be me right now and what is true for me.

1:20:11I love that. It's like the most simple practice. And when I, in my classes, I will. It's simple's best. Yeah. And I will say to people, you know, I want you to check in and tell me three things that are true for you right now that are emotions. And if they say I'm contemplative, I'm like, it's not an emotion. that's an assessment right and they and it is a skill to learn to like oh this is how it feels to be me right now right and to know that points you towards your truth and points you inward i love that too because a lot of the women listening are empaths highly sensitive and so a lot of the work that i do on retreats is like how are you today yeah well i think as women we're trained to be the emotional caretakers and and thermostats right we have to be where responsible for the emotional energy of the room and so we're quick to rationalize how we feel before we've even finished saying how we feel so instead of just saying i feel sad it'll be i feel sad because yesterday my dog was sick and this was right and the rationalization comes out as part of the emotion it's like you're not allowed to feel it unless you can justify it oh interesting and i see that in women way more than men and learning to separate those out and disentangle those is very freeing.

1:21:34You're allowed to feel that way just because you feel that way. I think a lot of women that I know don't know how they feel. But that's part of why. Yeah. Because if you can't justify why you feel it, you don't allow yourself to fully feel it. Oh, that's interesting. Right? That's very interesting. So I do package sessions and we meet once a month, but every week there's a check-in and there might be eight or nine women in the group. and when I'll say I'm going to ask you how you feel and we're doing a lightning round and everybody's to feel but you're not allowed to tell me why you feel that way and some women really struggle they're like I I literally can't get the sentence out because I have to tell you why I feel this way and I'm like no you don't you can just say I'm angry and I don't need to know if it's justified right even that that disentangling of how we have to justify everything we feel is really part of regaining our own sense of sovereignty.

1:22:28Totally. And it's such a liberating experience to feel without the mind story. Yeah. Like it was my birthday recently and I was like crying and I didn't really have anything to attach it to. It was just like a cleanse. Yeah. It's like, I don't really know why. I don't want to go searching for what it is. It's just happening. Yeah. I can be okay to just grant myself the release without having to explain it. Yes. Yeah. So freeing. Yeah. For women now, women of today, I mean, you work with so many women. What is one message you'd want to share to them going through times of change and transition?

1:23:06I think this is a time of a new definition of the divine feminine and divine feminine empowerment and what that looks like. And I think we've, we're kind of circling, we're walking around the edge of the pool now as we're talking about it. Right. But that idea of how you embody being a woman and giving yourself permission to state what is true for you, to live what is true for you, and to model that. I mean, it gets in, so many women ask me, what is my purpose here, right? And the answer ends up being some version of, notice your ripple effect, right? Come here to be the person who continually does the healing, not because you're going to reach some end goal.

1:23:45There's not a finish line for you to cross, but you're committed to feeling better every week and every month and every year and you're unwavering in that and you model that for your for your daughters and sons and your friends and your neighbors and everybody you work with you model what that looks like to give yourself permission to just continually seek more and not more from scarcity thinking in the ego mind more from the delight in the heart space right beautiful any other messages from my spirit I think your spirit could talk all day. I know. She's saying, it's okay to pause right now because you're pausing and catch your breath.

1:24:26And she said, you spent a lot of your life sprinting and that to just grant yourself some ease right now. And that you're also, she says, used to always having the plan for the next step in the back of your mind. Even if you say you don't have a plan yet, you're already cooking on one. and she said don't have one now and instead focus on becoming right just becoming this next version of yourself practicing the reframe practicing that abundance exercise we talked about and let the universe bring the next stepping stone to you instead of you cooking it up right because it'll be ego mind based and it's going to be limited compared to what the universe could bring you.

1:25:06Very true. Very true. This was so lovely. We just got into like an hour and a half portal. I'm so grateful. Where can people connect with you? What can they find from you? Tell us everything. So I'm really big in teaching people how to do this for themselves because it's not easy to get in with me. My website is christinelang.org and I open my calendar once a month for private sessions, but they sell out in about 10 minutes. We have ongoing packages. Those are a little easier to get in with. And I also teach classes on energy healing that also teach you to start channeling your spirit right away.

1:25:48And I think that's, I just think every woman should have the power to accelerate her own healing and have that open communication with her spirit. I think it's, I think it's our right to have it. So all that is available on my website. If you get on my email list there's also free guided meditations there's all kinds of goodies and resources and newsletters and stuff that i put out but i welcome you can find me on instagram and youtube and everywhere all the book is ask your spirit um thank you and it it is teaching you step by step how to connect to your spirit how to get messages and then how to litmus test the messages to see if they're from your ego or you're from your spirit.

1:26:30And then that's the first third of the book. And then the other two thirds are chapters of the things that people ask the most questions about. Relationships, chronic symptoms, how you get the messages about those. So how your spirit is trying to send you a message with certain chronic symptoms. In the back, there's an appendix of what they frequently mean, the symptoms that I see people wrestle with, what messages gives you a starting point to ask questions. And every chapter gives you sample questions of how to ask your spirit questions. So you're most likely to get an answer and why your spirit won't answer some questions and will answer others.

1:27:07All that is laid out in the book. Areas of the body where we tend to store stress. So yeah. Interesting. This is great. I'm so excited. I'm so glad you could come and our audience could connect with you. I know they're going to love it. we love you guys I love you we'll see you on the next one bye thank you so much Christine for coming on almost 30 Christine Lang for almost 30 podcast again search whatever keyword and spirituality almost 30 to listen to more exciting spiritual episodes and then we will see you on social media we will see at morning microdose and then we will also see you reading the almost 30 book this summer we love you guys thank you for being here if you're an OG we love you thank you for your loyalty and we'll see you on the next episode twice every week.

1:27:52Bye. Bye.