882. The beauty and shadow of self-awareness

0:00Lindsey Simcik:A quick shout out to the brand supporting our show today. Kachava. Go to Kachava.com and use code ALMOST30 for 15 % off your first order. Air Doctor. Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code Microdose to get up to$300 off today. Hero Bread. Go to Hero.co and use code A30POD at checkout. BetterHelp. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash almost 30. Naturium. Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase today. The absorption company.

0:44Lindsey Simcik:Start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to absorbmore.com and enter the code almost 30 at checkout for up to 35 % off your first order. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic. I remember there was different periods for me, especially in friendship, where I had just friends kind of fall off at different growth points for me. And it doesn't mean I'm better than. It had nothing to do with that. When really you are just advocating for yourself and doing what is true and authentic for you and not abandoning yourself anymore, you're going to start to notice things about people that you date for better or for worse that you wouldn't have noticed before.

1:37Lindsey Simcik:People who I follow online, who I've met in person, they sound emotionally intelligent online, but then in person are like emotionally unavailable. It's kind of crazy. We are the most therapized generation. Yeah, everyone's a narcissist. and most people are gaslighting us and there's boundaries being made and we're dysregulated. We're having a trauma response. We're avoidant. We're anxious.

2:16Lindsey Simcik:Hello and welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. It's Lindsay Simsek. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for joining us every single week if you're an OG and if you're new to the pod. Hello. Hello. Hello. We do two episodes every single week. We are a podcast that's been around for 10 years. My best friend and I, Krista Williams, started this on our closet floors. We were going through just the chaos of our late 20s, feeling like we were lost, like we should know more, have more figured out. We did not. And turns out that most people don't. And most people have this existential crisis in your late 20s.

2:55And the podcast has evolved since then, really supporting people through seasons of change.

3:01Lindsey Simcik:We talk about spirituality, relationships, health and wellness, and more. And yeah, I'm just can't believe this ride. Truly, I'm here eight months pregnant recording here in New York City, 92 degree day, all good. The thigh rub is next level, but we're making it through. So this episode will probably come out after I give birth. I'm trying to batch some episodes before the baby comes. So just FYI, if you're watching on YouTube and you're like, is she pregnant? But is she? Did she have the baby?

3:43Lindsey Simcik:I, eight months pregnant. I just, I don't know. I get to this point in pregnancy before I get into my solo episode. um you get to a point in like later in pregnancy where you become like very I think sentimental emotional reflective because I think up until maybe first trimester it's a little bit of survival mode second trimester I feel like you're in do-do-do mode but also running around with a toddler in my case everything's moving quickly and then you get to the third trimester and you just feel slightly overwhelmed by the change about to happen, all the things that you need to get done, but also sweetly reflective about life and the nature of time and how it's just so wild.

4:32Lindsey Simcik:I feel like it was yesterday that my husband and I decided that we were going to try to conceive. it was in October to bring you back to the night no it was in October I'm also just like extremely reflective and sentimental about the fact that like these are the last few weeks with my son just my son so yeah I feel like time is slowing down a little bit for the sake of just like being present for like every moment with him or as many moments as I can. And yeah, I'm just taking him in in a different way. So I usually know I'm close to birth when I start bawling out of nowhere. I did that before Mav.

5:26Lindsey Simcik:So stay aware if I share any of that on social media, which I don't know if I will, but it's just, it gets very emotional. It's like such a spiritual experience at the end where like the soul is just kind of bringing you through to the next chapter of your life. Um, all right, let's get into the solo. This one I was inspired to do because I feel like So many of us, especially women, are, and you listening, so interested in being their best selves. You're going to therapy. You're doing the work. You're doing the healing. You're going to the retreats. You're spending time with yourself. You are learning to really know your worth.

6:19it's beautiful.

6:21Lindsey Simcik:It's really beautiful. I have been on that journey. I continue to be on that journey. But there is a loneliness when you become highly self-aware. And self-awareness for me is like number one in relationships with my friendships, with my husband, family. Like it's just such an unlock and such a safe haven when you have self-awareness in the room. You know what I'm talking about. But there can be a loneliness in some relationships and situations because it can feel like you are seeing things. You can't unsee things that other people maybe aren't aware of. and I am not talking from a place of like I am better than anyone that's not it at all but I just have found it to be somewhat challenging at times to navigate these relationships where I feel like the other person isn't as aware of what they are bringing to the relationship or two moments.

7:30Lindsey Simcik:And it feels like there's kind of like a ceiling on where we can go. And is that okay? And can I live with that? And do I kind of reorient those relationships in my mind to be able to continue them and not put so much pressure on them to be more than that? So I want to talk about the loneliness of being highly self-aware today because I know many of you might be feeling this way. Also want to shout out that I have like some very little self-awareness at times in different areas of my life. I think that's just like the ever unfolding nature of life where you become self-aware about certain things as you live more life.

8:19Lindsey Simcik:So not saying that I have it all figured out that I'm aware of everything that is not the case but I just felt like the hyper speed of my growth over the last 10 years and really focusing on myself and knowing myself and understanding relational dynamics and how I can create how I create my reality in every moment has made me pretty self-aware. Krista and I laugh because we're at the point in our 10 plus year friendship where we can have a disagreement or kind of a crunchy moment and navigate it pretty beautifully because I think our self-awareness is turned all the way on and we own what we are bringing.

9:11Lindsey Simcik:We are kind and compassionate. We also bring each other to the truth of what's happening in a loving way. So we laugh sometimes where we're like, God, it's really nice to disagree or have a moment like this when you're in relationship with someone who's super self-aware. It just seems to be a more rewarding experience to get in a little a little disagreement or or weird weird tiff so we're thankful um so a lot of you out there are more psychologically informed than ever before you know your attachments you know your attachment styles you understand how to regulate your nervous system um you understand trauma responses and triggers and boundaries and emotional regulation tools like you're doing it and you you got you you got it you know you got it in your back pocket to whip out uh the tools um in any moment yet most of us are still lonely anxious disconnected exhausted in some of our relationships.

10:35Lindsey Simcik:And why? Because I don't think self-awareness alone creates the intimacy we want, the embodiment that we want, the peace, the relational safety, the compatibility, the reciprocity, the emotional maturity. I don't think it does that alone. One thing that's become really important to me is keeping my wellness rituals consistent, especially during the summer when travel and schedules can get a little chaotic about to have a baby this summer even something simple like getting outside for a morning walk or having a grounded start to my day makes such a difference in how I feel so that's why I've been loving cachava travel packs you've heard me talk about cachava I love it so much I make my smoothies every morning or afternoon it makes it so easy to keep my routine with me wherever I'm headed I can literally throw a couple packets in my bag and know I have something nourishing and easy on hand.

11:36Lindsey Simcik:Pachava is an all-in-one nutrition shake with plant-based protein, fiber, greens, probiotics, electrolytes, vitamins, and minerals. And it genuinely helps me feel energized, supported, and more balanced throughout the day. I'm excited to actually take it postpartum. I think it will really be supportive and beneficial as I'm trying to get my calories in for breastfeeding and just to feel really good. I also love that it tastes delicious. So it comes in flavors like chocolate, matcha, vanilla, and coconut acai as well with no artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. That's right. So take your daily ritual with you.

12:15Lindsey Simcik:Go to cachava.com and use code almost 30 for 15 % off your first order. That's K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com. Code is almost 30. In some ways, hyper-self-awareness can create new forms of suffering if we're not careful. As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished, and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realize that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week. It comes from consistency. So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Gutter Bundle. Y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury.

12:57Lindsey Simcik:Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower. It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful. And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated, luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturian believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable. It's luxury you can use every single day and that's what creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves.

13:33Lindsey Simcik:Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase. That's naturium.com slash almost 30. Okay. One thing I've been thinking about lately is how many supplements people take every single day without ever questioning whether their body is actually absorbing them. We spend so much money on wellness. I'm one of them, but most supplements absorb incredibly poorly, which means a lot of what we're taking may never really get utilized by the body. And that's why I've been really interested in the absorption company. Both Krista and I love them. They are focused specifically on solving the absorption problem with pharmaceutical grade technology designed to help nutrients absorb dramatically better than standard supplements.

14:16Lindsey Simcik:So I've especially been loving their magnesium. I am, Chris and I always recommend magnesium. We're like, that is our number one supplement. But magnesium supports over 300 functions in the body. Things like sleep, stress, regulation, mood, muscle recovery. But most magnesium supplements absorb really poorly. Their version absorbs eight times better. And I've genuinely noticed a difference and just more support in my evening routine and recovery. I take it right before bed. They also make products like WLP1 for weight management support and berberine for metabolism and blood sugar support, all designed around better absorption and bioavailability.

14:53Lindsey Simcik:So start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to absorbmore.com and enter the code almost30 at checkout for up to 35 % off your first order. That's absorbmore.com and enter the code almost30 at checkout for 35 % off your first order.

15:14Lindsey Simcik:like the need to control and hypervigilance and over analysis of everything and emotional superiority kind of being like yeah I'm better like I'm more evolved than you I need to move on from this relationship it can create disembodiment it can create kind of like a performative version of healing I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that so I want to explore kind of the beauty and the shadow of becoming more self-aware as you evolve. So I think for me personally, I became definitely more self-aware when I started therapy. I started therapy in 2000 and I think it was 2018. Yep. 2018. I started with a therapist in LA.

16:06Lindsey Simcik:I'd go to her office every other week, sit down with her in person, talk therapy plus EMDR. And yeah, really like opened up my eyes and my heart to why I was experiencing like a deep disconnection from who I really was, why I kept choosing the wrong guys, why I felt like I was so far from my purpose, why I felt like I couldn't go deep in relationships. Like, we really went in. So much of it is from like, you know, we go back to your childhood and family of origin and we all got our stuff no matter how amazing our childhood was like we just all have our stuff so you start seeing patterns and projections and emotional immaturity both in yourself and other people you start to notice how your people pleasing tendencies creep into dynamics and your avoidant tendencies creep into your relationships and why you notice how your nervous system reacts not just the mind but like the actual nervous system reacts to moments and what that's connected to um you can identify your own personal wounds you know, other people's wounds, the world opens up, but it also just becomes a lot to take in and you can't unknow it, you know?

17:54Lindsey Simcik:So when people say like, you can't unsee that, like I couldn't unsee, you know, how my own triggers were linked to, you know, say how my family dynamic was when I was younger and how, you know, my parents' family dynamics influence how they parented. Like you just can't unsee it. You could keep going. It is a spiral that you could just keep writing. And while very helpful, I just think that we need to actually embody this stuff. We need to actually let it land and integrate and give ourselves permission to truly live our lives rather than being over analytical about our lives. so not only therapy but at the time too almost 30 was kind of taking us on this journey of spiritual exploration um and obviously conversations on the podcast that opened my mind like around relationships and oh gosh so many like psychological concepts and explorations It was wild.

19:16Lindsey Simcik:I remember to like going to do ayahuasca in Costa Rica. And while, you know, I don't recommend that for everyone and I don't feel called to do it again. That was a piece of my awakening and opening up a realm of my self-awareness that wasn't accessible before. and so yeah I think we were all on a very specific journey of self-awareness at a certain pace in a certain way and it's a really beautiful thing but we have to be mindful of the over analyzing the mental processing instead of fully living the struggling to like really turn it off the tendency to like notice dynamics in real time and kind of be out of the present moment and just be in the observance of it rather than the living of it and just how emotionally exhausted we are if that is always always turns on and to be honest sometimes I miss the version of me that but experienced life and was like kind of less aware instead of constantly interpreting it.

20:34Lindsey Simcik:So I'm sure you feel this and have experienced this maybe online, in your friend group, maybe in like your dating life. We are the most therapized generation yet. I'm a millennial, but I think, I don't know, I feel like Gen Z is kind of in there too, but I would say millennials mainly. And so we're like in this ocean of psychological language all the time, at least I am, where people are triggered and we're talking about our attachment styles and everyone's a narcissist and most people are gaslighting us and there's boundaries being made and we're dysregulated we're having a trauma response we're avoidant we're anxious by the way all of these things legitimate and are real and it can be deeply empowering to give it a name and identify it it can also be overused, misused, or in some cases like weaponized.

21:43Lindsey Simcik:That sounds extreme, but you know, but overused and misused. And I think it can just grip us more in this overanalyzing of everyone, everything, and ourselves. I think we see this so much in dating and relationships. And Esther Perel talks about this idea that the relationship has become the center of meaning. Basically, that modern relationships carry these impossible expectations now. So before, you know historically relationships were built around security and survival and stability and family structure and economics it was like pretty straightforward and now we expect the relationship to provide like a whole list of things like emotional healing and best friendship and passion and spiritual connection, safety, personal growth, deep communication, co-regulation, fulfillment, and all those things sound like amazing.

23:00Lindsey Simcik:I want all of those things on my list. And we put the pressure on the relationship alone to heal us, to understand us perfectly, to challenge us, to regulate us, inspire us, and communicate flawlessly. And it's just not realistic. It's not at all. Do I believe growth, mega growth happens in your intimate relationship? Yes, absolutely. I am in one and it's beautiful and challenging. but I don't expect my husband to be all of these things or do all of these things for me. It's a lot. And sometimes these expectations cause us to start managing the relationship rather than relating naturally. So we become so hyper aware.

24:05Lindsey Simcik:We're observing everything. We're aware of almost everything and how it could be better and how they could be doing better and how the relationship could develop more. And we just don't let the natural thing happen in a natural time period, in the natural way. We're just forcing. And I've been there. I've definitely been there where either I'm like pushing my husband to do something before he's ready or I am immediately going to well let's have a couples therapy before actually practicing and embodying what I know to be a great tool or to explore or reflect internally it's just yeah it's a wild ride um so while it's amazing that there's this rise in therapy participation and explosion of mental health content and self-help and all the things.

25:07Lindsey Simcik:I just, yeah, I just think at what point does self-awareness stop serving connection and actually start interfering with it? And I think we see this especially in our intimate relationships. so now I want to talk about just the difference between self-awareness and embodiment I mentioned embodiment earlier and so the intellectualization of all of these things you know like the the self-development and the growth and the concepts and the tools and just basically over analyzing and intellectualizing everything. It's a defense mechanism where we analyze the emotions, what's coming up in us, maybe what's coming up in other people, instead of fully feeling them.

26:03Lindsey Simcik:And that's a really important part of the process. I know we know this, but I think it's just so much easier to talk about it, to think about it rather than fully feel it. Because I think fully feeling it for a lot of us feels like it's going to be way too much. Like it's just going to stop our progress. It's going to be overwhelming. We won't know how to handle it. It won't fit into our schedule. So examples of that could be, you know, explaining what happened in like a tragic event instead of actually grieving. Like you can be so caught up in the details and kind of like the hovering over it, like not actually laying in the grief of what's happening.

26:52Lindsey Simcik:I think sometimes I will psychoanalyze instead of actually being vulnerable, where I'll psychoanalyze myself, especially. I do this in therapy sometimes. I'll psychoanalyze someone else. But instead of really being vulnerable about like how it's making me feel, you know and and that that gets to like a messy juicy part that sometimes I'm like I don't really feel like going there but it's the important place to go I think a lot of people today will label emotions instead of actually feeling them and you know we have this concept of wounds now we all got wounds it's true but we love like naming them and labeling them but not actually like staying in our bodies around them and understanding like what it feels like to be in a moment where something is kind of touching on a wound we just like to talk about it which I get you know sometimes it's too painful um and I think the high level takeaway for me is that you know it felt much safer to become an expert on myself than actually fully feeling myself.

28:11Lindsey Simcik:I think when I was younger I had a lot of emotion and feels and didn't really know how to feel them in a way that didn't feel too much and that's not my problem it's usually the people around you who are like this is too much um but I just always felt very self-conscious um and so I think at a point you know in my early adult years I just clicked into like being more intellectual about it and analytical about it rather than fully feeling it because I did feel like when I did feel it was a lot and I I couldn't communicate through a feeling I just was kind of overcome by it. So it just felt safer to be like in my head about it instead of, you know, fully feeling ourselves, myself.

29:06Lindsey Simcik:I want to bring in another concept in addition to Esther Perel's. I'm a parent. So I've been reading Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside. I actually think it's a phenomenal book for parents. And she talks about this concept of two things can be true. I think we've heard this, but this resonates beyond parenting. So the concept is like two seemingly contradictory things can be true at once. So you can love someone deeply and feel exhausted by them. You can be highly self-aware and still very reactive. You can know your patterns, but still struggle. You can be healing and still hurt people sometimes. And I think it's important to emphasize this one because I think a lot of us who feel like we're very self-aware feel like we shouldn't struggle.

30:01Lindsey Simcik:There's that secret belief. And self-awareness does not erase my humanity and like my just imperfectness, which I've, you know, spent years trying to embrace and actually allow that to be more embodied rather than covering it up. And I think a lot of us who are deeply self-aware become very hard on ourselves. You know, like I should know better, like I've done this work, like why am I continuing to perpetuate this pattern? Why am I still triggered? Why am I still anxious? I've done so much work. But the nervous system, like the deeper layers beyond the self-awareness don't heal through trying to be perfect through this process at all.

30:54Lindsey Simcik:Just to kind of zero in on the nervous system for a second, we've talked about on the show many, many times, type in nervous system, almost 30, you'll find episodes. But your nervous system is constantly scanning for that safety and that danger and rejection and unpredictability. And you can logically know you're safe. Well, a big focus for me this time of year is eating in a way that feels really good, like getting enough protein and enough fiber, making meals that really fit my needs, you know, but still enjoying the foods I actually love. I don't want to restrict. And that's why I've been loving Hero Bread.

31:32Lindsey Simcik:I was honestly surprised by how soft and fluffy and just yummy it tastes. Breads, wraps, bagels, you know, what I'd normally reach for, but with nutrition built in. I've been using their tortillas for quick lunch wraps and their bagels are amazing when I need something easy. Mav actually loves them in the morning. And you'd never guess from the taste that their products have as little as zero to five grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and plenty of fiber. It also has protein in some of the products. It's just such an easy swap when you want meals that meet your macros without feeling restricted.

32:07Lindsey Simcik:So Hero Bread is offering a 10 % off your order. Go to hero.co and use the code A30POD at checkout.

32:21Lindsey Simcik:That's My favorite are the tortillas and the bagels. One thing that's become really important to me is keeping my wellness rituals consistent, especially during the summer when travel and schedules can get a little chaotic. About to have a baby this summer. Even something simple like getting outside for a morning walk or having a grounded start to my day makes such a difference in how I feel. So that's why I've been loving cachava travel packs. You've heard me talk about cachava. I love it so much. I make my smoothies every morning or afternoon. It makes it so easy to keep my routine with me wherever I'm headed.

32:58Lindsey Simcik:I can literally throw a couple packets in my bag and know I have something nourishing and easy on hand. Cachava is an all-in-one nutrition shake with plant-based protein, fiber, greens, probiotics, electrolytes, vitamins, and minerals. and it genuinely helps me feel energized, supported, and more balanced throughout the day. I'm excited to actually take it postpartum. I think it will really be supportive and beneficial as I'm trying to get my calories in for breastfeeding and just feel really good. I also love that it tastes delicious. So it comes in flavors like chocolate, matcha, vanilla, and coconut acai as well with no artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners.