892. Uncover what's blocking your wealth + self-worth

0:00And your identity is questioning like, can I hold this? Will it go away? This feels very just regulating sometimes to people when they have been waiting for something for so long and it finally lands. They're like, I feel overloaded with energy, like this surge of newness. You could also see it as a nervous system thing. Your nervous system having capacity to hold the new responsibilities, the new identity, the new habits, the new routine. I had that when my ex-husband one time was like, hey, will you clean the kitchen? The way that I was triggered of my mom asking me to clean. I was like, that does not match the request and requirement.

0:35And I was like, whoa, something is deeper here. It's trying to get you to see what are the patterns within me that I haven't looked at, haven't healed, haven't integrated that maybe connects with what I'm calling it. This is your test. And it's really the universe giving you the curriculum you need in order to not settle for the things that you've been settling for before.

1:12hello and welcome to almost 30 podcast welcome to the show we're actually rebranding today in this conversation with jessica who is just such a friend we talked a lot about manifestation from the perspective of money i really wanted to go into money specifically i felt like we've had lacy on before i think she's been on a few times but we haven't had jessica yet so it's good for me to get back in the work of how to manifest money how to think about money we talked a lot about manifesting love and then we talked a little bit about the book which people can get now it's how to manifest um it's a beautiful classic black cover as to be magnetic wood and so in this book you can find more of the details of how to specifically manifest the tbm way and in today's conversation you'll hear kind of specific levers will pull around money and relationships and manifestation so send this to a friend who is manifesting love or money if you've heard a friend talking about wanting to make more money wanting to attract more money this is going to be a great episode for them and if you have a spiritual friend that you've talked to about manifestation or who already does tbm work highly suggest sending this to them thank you guys so much for listening to almost 30 it means the world you guys can write a review for almost 30 on apple or Spotify.

2:25It means a lot to just like give us a little five-star review. You can get our book, Almost 30, that came out in June of last year. We went on the To Be Magnetic podcast to talk about that called Expanded. So you can listen to that episode. And then you can get the How To Manifest book wherever books are sold. So Amazon is totally fine. And please subscribe on YouTube. We are on YouTube, video, all the things. It feels like you're just hanging out with your girls. So subscribe there to get all new episodes. We have two every single week. Thank you all for joining us. Enjoy this one and we'll see you on the other side.

2:59Love you guys. Hey baby. Hi. Welcome. I'm so excited to be here. We are sisters in the trenches of this journey. Truly. Truly. Starting from so long ago just on this path and it's been so amazing to see you shine and grow and just like I don't want to position myself as a motherly figure in this process but I feel like that with you like yeah you're just incredible and I'm so proud of you and I'm so glad to have you here I know the book came out recently I'm so proud of you guys did so well and there's so many questions that I'm excited for us to talk about today with manifestation we're gonna kind of cruise but right before we were talking about right before we started recording we're talking about how people are always kind of in it I know that's true for your community that's also true for mine these are women that are driven ambitious want the most out of life are spiritually connected just like want to make the most out of this experience and lifetime and you were saying that people are either in a rut a rock bottom or an up level can you explain what those three things are so the rut is when you are missing your creative spark or you're in the same pattern again and again again and you're like why can i not break through why do I keep repeating the same thing you're settling for the same like unavailable suitor you're accepting the same jobs maybe you're a freelancer and you keep attracting the same client if you're a content creator we get this a lot they're like I'm in a creative rut like I don't know what to say I like have lost my excitement my connection to channeling to source all of that the rock bottom is what it sounds like rock bottom rugs pulled out from under you you lost a job relationship ended identity crisis like big life moment um feeling very destabilized but also is like the most potent manifestation energy because as you are um and I think so many people experience this over the past year but as you are stripped of this thing that your ego was so attached to as part of your identity, which is why it hurts so badly.

5:07It allows you to rebuild from a foundation of self-worth if you choose to go that path. And so if you do that, that can allow so much magnetism. That can allow so much flow, things that you never thought were possible. I mean, think of like your worst breakup, your worst like job separation. Look a couple months out. How much abundance came through? How much flow? How much more confidence? Like there was a moment where you got your spark back. Like that can be harnessed in a big way. Then we have next level. That's someone who's manifesting something. They're passing their test. They're navigating their triggers.

5:45But they're just hitting this like little glass ceiling. That person is usually like very self-aware with what's going on. And they're really close to that next level. but there's like one missing whether it's a subconscious piece or an expansion piece I'm blocking piece but there's one part of the puzzle that they're just missing that if they like tweak it slightly their manifestations on the other side and then the up level is like your manifestation landed a big opportunity landed and you're kind of holding it and your identity is questioning like can I hold this will it go away this feels very just regulating sometimes to people like when they have been waiting for something for so long and it finally lands they're like I feel overloaded with energy like this surge of newness and they're almost like frazzled fried a little bit on that and so in Kabbalah it's like they haven't built a vessel for it so in Kabbalah they talk a lot about building your vessel and until the age of 30 you're building your vessel and then at 30 your vessel becomes a channel for the divine but in their belief it is related to that it's kind of you could also see it as a nervous system thing yeah your nervous system having capacity to hold the new responsibilities the new identity the new habits the new routines like when you have a manifestation that's really big come through it's not just you know two million dollars arrives at your doorstep it's also like how are you stewarding that money how are you managing that money?

7:19How are you spending that money? There's a lot of steps and processes that come after manifestations come through, love, money, whatever that is, that I think is very interesting because I think a lot of women don't think about that. And that really is so key to having that next level abundance that people want. Would you say that a lot of times with manifestation, if we think about next level, do you think that people kind of work their way up to bigger and bigger manifestations or do you feel like people kind of just like have different processes for that like how do you see that i think especially when people come to us for like to be magnetic we always try to get people to manifest something smaller lower stakes yeah not necessarily in all of your survival mechanisms immediately just to understand the process like what happens when i do x so they know what it feels like like oh this was a test i know how to pass it it feels easier when it starts being those big things and they inevitably try to manifest the big things the first year anyways of course but they're like the relationship that they have no examples for they've never been in it the abundance that no one in their family ever reached before like they are breaking generational curses they are traversing a landscape they've never gone before I feel like that first big one is like such a moment for them of proving not only that they can make this shift and this change but also that they can now use that story as self-expansion for so much more and then I feel like after whatever that thing is that they've had in their mind that they couldn't really have like some people it's a relationship some people's career some people it's money some people it's I guess status but I would say more so self-identity self-love if they break that one that they've like really harped on for a while I have seen that most people when they manifest it's a lot more graceful like it doesn't need to be this gigantic jump anymore because they have stability at a certain level they're like oh well I already did this so now everything's just fun like whatever I'm asking for is just fun I don't have to take these mega swings every time but then it also moves faster it's like um investing like the first nest egg to invest feels like how the fuck am I gonna get that savings to invest that much but then after that you're like whoa that stacked up really fast and then you kind of look back and wonder how did I get here do you think it's because of self-worth increases or do you think their their understanding of how to manifest like increases both but I think the baseline of self-worth starts getting removed from the physical things yeah like whatever that like i was saying that first baseline one usually their self-worth is so wrapped up in it yeah that once they get it they're like oh and in the route to getting it they had to see their self-worth higher um to even connect with it or at a higher level a deeper connection to self and the deeper the connection to self goes the easier it feels like to call in these big things and of course they get familiar with the practice so when a big test comes up they're not as rocked they're like i see you i know what's gonna happen on the other side of this yeah that's what's such a beautiful part of the process is like having the reframe of tests like when you can kind of approach life with and that's part of the this is happening for me type of thinking if you're seeing something as a test and i'll never forget like years ago i was going through something and i called lacy and i was like bugging I'm like oh my god I am like whatever and she's like oh my god I'm so excited for you this is such a good test like on the other side is so big and I was like it was like a brain-breaking moment because I was like what the you know I was like wow like that is having I hadn't had a relationship like that in a friendship of like oh this is cool this is what's possible and having that confidence and tests and being able to see tests in the way of something that is for you is so powerful so can you explain tests for people maybe give an example so one of the best ways i can explain tests is you're going about life trying to achieve things trying to set your goals whatever especially for your ambitious audience and something comes along that rattles you shakes you and we kind of see them in two ways one it could be an opportunity test so in the dating realm you're dating a ton of people there's a certain you know person you have on your list and you get almost everything you want but they don't have one key factor and And that key factor is a repetition of a pattern you've settled for in the past.

11:56And the test is basically showing up to say, hey, you could settle for this. But if you want to break this pattern, you need to say no. Even though they're like amazing and the romance and the sex and everything is so great, but they still don't have this one thing. And maybe that one thing for you is they are emotionally grounded. Like they have a baseline of being grounded. if you have a history of being with people who are not grounded and this is a non-negotiable to you like maybe you grew up in a household where it was really dysregulating you want a partner who's going to help you you know stay in that grounded state not saying they have to do it for you but that they are going to hold that line for themselves this is your test and it's really the universe giving you the curriculum you need in order to not settle for the things that you've been settling for before um in the way of so that's one aspect is the opportunity and then it can also come in the way of emotional reactions so these are things where um a lot of therapists say if it's hysterical it's historical these are tiktokers also say that yeah um this is where big feelings come into the picture and you're like what the fuck what is going on like why is this happening.

13:15I had that when like my ex-husband one time was like hey will you clean the kitchen? The way that I was like triggered of like my mom asking me to like clean. I was like that is like not that does not match the request and requirement and I was like whoa something is deeper here. And so what's happening depending upon what you're calling in it's trying to get you to see what are the patterns within me that I am haven't looked at, haven't healed, haven't integrated that maybe connects with what I'm calling in. And sometimes the emotional reaction feels like it might not connect. So like let's say at that time, do you remember anything you were calling in around that time?

13:52Oh, that's a really good question. At that time, probably like work abundance or something, probably like money and work. Okay. So oftentimes if you're calling in something in career, it can model or mirror it in relationship and vice versa. And so in relationship for you, that and I'm you know correct me if I'm wrong but the story it could have been saying is oh he's asking me to do this I'm gonna have to play the same role I played with my mom maybe you didn't like the role that you played with your mom someone doesn't see me they're they're um maybe not valuing me in the way I want to be value order now mirror that back to what's happening career were there opportunities where you needed to set boundaries or you didn't feel valued or where you want to be seen a certain way, you want it to be understood, you want it to be taken care of, maybe even financially, you know?

14:42So it doesn't look like it relates one-to-one, but if you can see that test of what's going on and say, okay, this reminds me of childhood. Can I attune to this part? Can I sit with it? Can I reparent it? And then go to my partner and say, hey, look, this is a story that comes up for me around this. Can we compromise and meet in the middle here? Or when you say that to me, can you say it in this way? somewhere where you're clearly communicating your needs and then i bet what happens in your career then matches that energy where like a random career opportunity comes through or a windfall comes through or whatever it is so as you pass the test and there's no way to fail because you'll just get more yes but as you um compassionately look at the story beneath the test you have an opportunity to heal things that are running the show inner child parts that are running the show and when you do that you open different opportunities elsewhere in your manifestation life i had male tests recently where i had i passed a test and then i had another test that was a very gorgeous test gorgeous cool like all this stuff yet unavailable emotionally i could tell and I was like this would be my kryptonite back in the day but I'm gonna say no and then I had another test there's these matchmakers that I work with or that reach out to me sometimes about stuff and they're like we have this billionaire client he's gonna be perfect and he doesn't want kids and I'm like a part of me was like I don't either like I was like yeah I didn't never wanted children and I was like baby I want children like I was like I'm sorry I want children like it's a know and I was like but the temptation of the money and that security is like the test of like you say you want abundance like here's an opportunity but will you negotiate the truth of what you really desire for that so I haven't got the reward for the test yet but we're gonna just keep our eyes peeled I think too for a test like that when it impedes on your values yes when you're like this is truly I'm not compromising my authenticity like what is really on my heart for someone else i'm not playing small for someone else you're communicating so strongly abundance can come through infinite ways yes it's not just a man it's not just my career like there are infinite ways it can come through and that is just helping bolster your trust muscle to yourself yeah like we are we actually believe this this is this is our truth even if our inner child parts are like yeah why did you say no to that yeah we could have been yeah that's kind of in life I don't think I could spend more than an hour with someone I wasn't obsessed with anyway so and a lot of times with those billionaire men you're like selling your soul um it's interesting Rhonda Byron who wrote The Secret and then wrote 21 Days to Riches her new book she was saying the most misunderstood thing about money is that it only has to come through your work and that money can come to you in so many ways like inheritances allowances like random deposits like it's just so powerful how it can come a lot of people when they think about manifestation money is like the first thing that comes to them what would you say about the process for manifestation for money oh so much so we we did a whole course on this last summer it's still available now but we really like did a lot of research for this one and really went in like What are the patterns?

18:17Because a lot of people talk about manifesting money in an accumulation way, in a control way, and that's actually lack. Like even the way they approach it is from a mindset of lack. And I think in order to really be abundant, you have to first broaden your definition of abundance. Abundance is not just money. It is the nature that you have outside your house that you have an abundance of nature, most people outside in the world. So when someone's sitting there and they're only looking at money and they're like, I am in luck. I don't have the money I want. I am without. I am, you know, reaching for money on this pedestal.

18:57Well, okay. First, let's see all the other ways in your life you may have abundance. Do you have abundance in love? Do you have abundance in friendship? Do you have abundance in food on your table? Do you have abundance in water? Do you have abundance in, you know, coffee shops? or grocery stores in your area, can you go take in the tree outside your house and see how it is just so sturdy and solid and ask for nothing and isn't worried about their bank account and isn't worried about their Instagram followers. Like it is just chilling and in abundance. So first step is kind of broadening your definition and starting to notice abundance in so many more places.

19:36In part, because it also helps regulate you. um we broke down different layers of we call them wealth consciousness layers and a lot of people try to go from zero to a billion and money actually comes similarly to how you unblock layers of your nervous system chapter by chapter like bit by bit and so if you're someone who's living paycheck to paycheck you've never figured out a foundation of security you have no idea how much you spend each month you're probably not going to call in a million dollars next year that's okay and honestly you probably wouldn't want to because when it came in you wouldn't know what the f to do with it that's why everyone that wins the lottery it's like 83 percent end up losing it within the first two years a hundred percent yeah so what you actually want to do is figure out what is the next step from where i'm at now that actually feels a lot more attainable way safer to go after and I can get there step by step so someone who's in that security survival stability consciousness their their job their test maybe to literally look at their budget it is so dysregulating for some people to actually sit down and like have a money date with themselves and inventory what's going on we created a safe with money di and we're like literally do this di they're like a self-hypnosis guided somatic exercise and we're like do this eight minutes before looking at your money to just tell your body you're safe no matter what numbers you see no matter what story you have attached to it like you're safe and little by little you start to feel better and then it goes up into stability consciousness and that's where you know you're starting to make money but because you were in survival at one point even a little bit of stability feels fragile so it's someone who like won't ask for the raise at work because now they're finally saving they're saving but maybe it's not a high yield savings they're not investing they're not taking the time to educate you know there's such a barrier with money where education is not commonplace i'm like the biggest mistake we've ever made is never teaching the education system basic basic stuff about money so that's kind of that next level and then there's success consciousness where i feel like a lot of your audience probably lives where they have a baseline of abundance but it is so tied to their energy that in order to make more they would need to duplicate themselves that they are giving giving giving they're at capacity with their giving and their life is so spread thin that they don't see a way that they can 10x without being more, giving more.

22:29And that's where you really have to double down and kind of take inventory of everything and say, okay, I'm still approaching this from lack in a certain way. And how can I actually say no to things more? How can I value my time over that quick cash grab or that quick thing? you actually had a really good story about this on your Instagram about the 300k day yeah so it's very similar so one of my favorite books for entrepreneurship is 10x is easier than 2x have you read it it's amazing science of scaling is really good too by him but in 10x is easier than 2x like it mostly is applied to entrepreneurship and business but you can apply it to life and it's one of the books that I have as like my 10 reads or my 10 philosophies that I teach a lot with my clients and I was realizing when I was in conversations with my clients that I wasn't living in the 10x is easier than 2x framework like I wanted to be and I was also just continuing to burn myself out like I just kept myself at a pace and kept adding more and more and more and more and all this kind of stuff and so I had been planning I had basically planned my entire year in November of 2025 I was going to do five in-person events keep 20 clients have a mastermind do the podcast do this other project have consulting all this kind of stuff so just a bunch of stuff and I kept like waking up in the morning I just was like so overwhelmed and I never really have my guides or have anxiety like I don't really have that much anymore but I kept having so much and I was like the only way that I'm going to be able to be at the 10x life is going to be letting go of things stepping into the identity of someone that has really good boundaries has high enough self-worth to know that everything's going to be okay and also is creating systems and a business that isn't so reliant on the cash grabs that are you know not going to be there the next year and a lot of businesses from or a lot of I'll speak for myself my business is a lot of it is me showing up is what gets the money and so especially with something like the mastermind it's very lucrative but it's like it's not going to be around next year unless I put in that same type of work and so I realized like if I really do want to build like a legacy and like a business financially that is funding this time now and then my time in the future compoundingly I have to let go of the strategies that I was implementing in the first place that were old and expired that was doing more to do more do more podcasts do more coaching clients do more events do more everything and that is a completely different way of thinking than I've been in you know I've been in the hustle burn myself out and I think you guys do and Lacey does such a good job of not being in that but yeah that was for me my journey of being like I'm not going to do these two things because I really want to build a more sustainable streamlined life that is in more alignment to like just more peace and more abundance at the same time I mean I think it's amazing that you have that not only the self-awareness of it obviously you're such a self-aware person but to make that conscious choice and take what feels like in the moment a risk to say no to something like that but it's from the foundation of i know when i say no to this thing that is draining my energy that there will be something that will hold me on the other side of it and having that trust and that vision um it's interesting because when i developed this program last spring we were in a place where so many of the departments were like reliant on me giving approval on everything and every email everything that went out it had my eyes interesting and as we were developing it i was like oh my god like i set myself up for it yeah and for me and i bet this is true for a lot of people who identify with success consciousness but at one point or another you realize that you can't rely on xyz people around you and you're better off if you do it at all if you're the one who it lands on which can get you really far and a lot of ambitious people have this they it's like that grit you know they're kind of like you know what I'll just do it myself I'll do it myself says that it's gonna be faster I'll do it myself I figured out how to do it on my own I'm not asking for permission I'm just gonna do it I'll handle it I'll get it done and what happens is it does get you very far success but to what ends totally and that's when when you get to this level the question becomes can you actually let go more can you delegate i had to say like okay i made like a little brief of this is what i look at when i'm approving things this is the standard you know i'm actually gonna pass it to you i trust you guys and there's a reason you're doing the job you're doing like let me give the power back to you not have approval on all these things and have it like weighing on me and it took a transition but shifted so much opened up my my like availability to focus on the things that actually like make the higher value things yeah and things that lay you up a hundred percent and then I'm like oh like I need to be spent that hour I was doing improving those emails I need to be thinking the vision of the company yes like I need to be thinking about like what are the decisions we need to be making now that are going to impact us in five years you know like that is a way better use of my time than approving this one email um and plus it's better for the team because they feel autonomy over what they're doing so anyone who's in this it's it's not about doing more it's figuring out where you can delegate so you can create systems that can scale on 10x and also for me um it was it was being a little bit more um regimented with my investments yeah and not being like well i should have more in my emergency fund for now and blah blah blah like there was just still this fear of like oh the market and whatever and it was like yeah but this is money that's going to work for me over time why am i avoiding it like what's the story here totally so and then the the next level above that is really this sort of abundant state where you're in you're beyond success consciousness it's kind of where lacy's at where she doesn't need to hustle or prove or it's not you know impeding on her um but then there's moments where that fear that scarcity can kick up it's like the old patterns just come in and you're oh, do we have to grip?

29:07And you really have to be intentional to catch them and let them go. And then obviously the highest state is fully embodied wealth consciousness. That's money comes in and out. I'm giving. I give back with my time. I donate to the places that like fuel me. I know money's always coming in so many different ways. There's no nervous system shut down when money's in or out. It's just a flow like the ocean. There's just this trust. and I think it's really hard to it's like a lifetime journey to get into that state but it's interesting even with the billionaires because so many people think billionaire equals the highest level of wealth not really most of them are stuck either in success or even in in survival or scarcity because there's never enough they cannot shut off the part of them that like needs more and sometimes they're the most it's crazy because then you get in the billionaire club and then you get more you get competitive in the billionaire club and then you get like Like, yeah, it's actually very interesting because I thought, I think when you're not in super wealthy, you think that you'd be like, if I reach that level, I'm fine.

30:14But then you reach new levels in people to compare yourself to and new levels of hunger for money or whatever that is. But I think I really love what you said and I practice this as well. It's like finding all the ways that you currently are abundant. And, you know, there was this woman we had on the podcast recently as a way to retrain her subconscious, she has herself write down all the ways if you were trying to see abundance in your life, writing them all down and then recording them and listening to yourself to like say that. Like I'm abundant in whatever. I'm abundant in friends, family, water, healthy food, cat hair on my sofa, like what all the things are.

30:53And you can help your brain sort of see and believe those ways in your life. A lot of you guys do that as well. But it's just so good to have that eye for abundance and that eye for whatever that is. And also to remove the morality around money of being good or bad is also helpful for money as like the energy and to be able to move energy. What do you see like as women's biggest blocks to making a lot of money? Oh man. Money is bad for sure. Money is not spiritual. That's a good one. Yeah. Like if I want for more, if I have a lot, I'm not a spiritual person. I'm not a godly person. I'm not a, you know.

31:29Yeah, that's so true. um just shame around that there's also kind of i already have so much yeah yeah i have some who am i to have more everyone else has so little that's what i hear the most yeah yeah um and a lot of shame in that and then there's also a sneaky one that happens especially at people who are at that survival consciousness that are really struggling to get that next like stability level where a part of them in childhood was harmed in some way, unseen, needs weren't met. And there's still this younger kid part that's like boycotting, becoming financially abundant because it means they can no longer get that healing from the parent that they didn't get it from.

32:19So it's almost like their psyche is saying, you didn't meet my needs in these ways. And if I never meet my own needs, then there's a chance you'll come in and finally meet it for me. And they're like waiting for the parent to either emotionally attune, financially attune. But it's this very sneaky pattern that I see with people in that level where they're really wanting to be validated in their pain, in their suffering, in the lack of that need getting met. And they're really just saying, it's almost like their inner child looking around being like, is someone going to freaking take care of me?

32:54like can someone see me can someone hold me in this because that sucked and the hard part is we have to be the ones to see ourselves in it but when we can do that we can allow our adult self to come into the picture and our adult self to be the one to help us look at our budget and our adult self to say you deserve abundance and you don't have to live like this anymore um it's hard work but it's so possible like i've seen so many people move i think about i was thinking as i I was talking about this, I think a week ago, about the desire to be saved. And it's kind of like that same thing. I think women are so programmed through media culture, Disney movies to be saved.

33:34So many women that I know subconsciously want to be saved or consciously want to be saved. They think at some point if they marry someone rich or like they're with someone that can pay their bills, you know, in some way, that they're all going to be okay, that they'll be able to rest or they'll be able to like stop. And it's interesting because I had that, myself where I was like I want to be and especially when I was dating very like very wealthy men there was like that temptation and I had I was like sitting with myself I'm like okay what would it feel like to be with a really wealthy person like that was so wealthy that took care of everything and I was like I could rest I could like relax I didn't have to do so much and then instead of being like okay I'm gonna go to this person to give me that it's like how can I give myself that directly to the source of that inner child.

34:22How could you give that inner child or that part of me exactly what it's looking for, for what it thinks it's going to get through this person and then through money? And really sitting with that because I think if you have the subconscious belief you're going to be saved by someone, someone's going to like just come in and swoop in and pay all your bills and take care of you. And I think men want to be saved too. I think we all want to be saved. Oh yeah. It's like you're holding yourself back from your fullest potential because you aren't giving yourself the credit. and then you're also thinking that it's going to come from outside of you and it's going to like come from this alternate source so I think that's such a good great point and I just want to just kind of say it differently as a way for women to think about that because I think it's so common I think too what it does is it removes your reliance on an external material thing and lets you be the source of your own abundance it lets you be the source of your own rest and when we do that we can actually attract the relationships we want the abundance we want like that's kind of the the oxymoron of it all is when we are not in lack of it and seeking it when we're able to give it to ourselves it comes freely to us because there's no attachment it's when we're like longing for this thing that's when it's like oh well i'm i'm without it then i don't have the i'm powerless I'm helpless I'm without it and until we can see our own power and be like whoa I actually have some autonomy here I actually have some some capability here what would it mean for me to accept that what what stories have to be put to bed for me to accept that about myself because it's also kind of scary to even witness your own power what does that mean what will other people think?

36:06Will I be rejected? Will I still belong? You know, will people think I'm coming from my ego? Will they dislike me? You know, will this not fit into the mold that I learned my whole life I had to be in order to be loved, accepted, etc. And you'll find even if there's a shedding of people that aren't aligned, you will get closer and closer to the people that see you as your fullest potential as your fullest most powerful self but we have to see it first we can't just outsource it that's where we get stuck i think people too like women have the misunderstanding about power like that it's like power is domineering power is controlling like i think it's the preconception of power as something that it's not like usually the women that i know that are the most in their power and the most embodied are like the most loving the most kind the most present like it actually doesn't make you more of the way that people think power is it makes you more like open-hearted and so I think when people can think about being in their most empowered self it usually is like obviously like a boundary itself so you can stay open-hearted but it's like not just like Like it's not anything negative.

37:23It's actually something really just clean and beautiful. There was something that you said when we were talking about. Oh, I want to actually just pick apart because I don't quite fully understand the rebel part that you were talking about with money. And it's interesting. And the reason why I'm double clicking on it is because I think there's a connection to food and body. and I'll explain what happens with women with with food and body and the rebel part they will have a part of them that has been so told what to do of how to eat how to like lose weight that it's like when you tell it to do something it's like fuck you I don't want to do this and it rebel it rebels and is like I want to eat this thing because it helps me it sues me whatever so the rebel part that you're talking about or the part that rebels is it looking for what's it looking for tell me tell me a little bit more um you're saying for the money thing stability consciousness like when they're like i want this need to be met yes so basically that part is associating a maturity with taking care of their financial needs in some way and if in childhood some need wasn't met and it doesn't have to be monetarily it could just be an emotional need whatever there is a part that thinks if well if i don't meet this need myself someone will have to come in and save me someone will have to come in and do this and if if i don't do it i'm waiting i'm longing for that person to come in and save yeah so that's so the rebel part is like i'm not going to look at my finances i'm gonna as soon as a paycheck comes in i'm going to spend it immediately because i don't really need to focus on the maturing now again this isn't your conscious your conscious self is Like I'm really focused on this.

39:11What are you talking about? This is a really young childhood part that maybe is almost undetectable. It's like a subconscious part that's like behind the scenes pulling the puppet strings. Your conscious self is like, no, I actually do want money. What is she talking about? But if you really sit, is there even a smidgen part of you that's like, I was hoping I could get this need met in some way if I just held out here. and if I have to accept that it's all on me that I have to handle all of it well that sucks there's a lot of grief there there is pain there there's acceptance that I didn't have this need met or this horrible thing happened and no one acknowledged it nothing happened about it like I don't want to carry that yeah and so I'm not going to grow up in this way you also see it a lot um you hear it in dating scenarios with men in relationships they don't want to mature in the relationship yeah um sometimes in part because there's that childhood part that's like i didn't get this need met so i can do whatever i want interesting i get to be the kid now i get to you know interesting the world's my playground i think sometimes they do that because a lot of them were the emotional support the emotional um like i'm seeing a visual it's like a vase or like a bull for mother.

40:34Like a lot of mothers put the emotional load on men. So it doesn't allow them to grow up to actually be in like a boundaried container of their masculinity because they've had to sort of be the boy that was the emotional support for like the mother's inner child. The enmeshment. The enmeshment. Which is really a lot of what's keeping men from like graduating and growing up. And also like our culture and society doesn't really support them in that. I mean, this is like a fucking left turn and we're not going to go here, but like I think about, I literally, this has been my journey lately. I've been like, I don't, I'm trying to name on like one hand how many men I've met in my life.

41:12Like men, like men, like men, men, men, men. And I literally know so few of like the actual like full embodiment of that. Maybe, maybe I'm missing it and whatever, but it's like, yeah. So I think it's kind of like a, a thing that we we both have in this process um let's talk then about love and dating because a lot of people do want to manifest relationships and love what do you think people what do you think someone should know if they want to manifest their soulmate okay before we go into that i just want to say one thing on the not meeting men men do you know a man man yes but i would say just like anyone else you're not in that 100 of the time and i think it's like the self like the isf self that's true there are people who are in the self of their full maturity and masculinity but not always that's true i'm not always a woman woman yeah and i i think we have to give a little bit of compassion to others to not always be in that higher self compassion to ourselves but also especially when it comes to manifestation expansion is such a huge piece just because someone isn't a hundred percent the man that you want or you know you deserve that doesn't mean you can't get expanded by fragments so when maybe there isn't the man man when it comes to their finances but they have a hell of a lot of respect for women and they will be courteous and hold the door and do this um but maybe you know inverse for someone else like can we really allow our witnessing of those fragments of them to exist and to to really let ourself know like no that exists in this pocket and it exists in this pocket we don't have to have a hundred percent of all of it in one place for it to be um real for it to exist it can be in fragments too but that wouldn't be the relationship you would choose though right no no but in your specific case you would be worried about what is the pattern i'm breaking in this relationship yes versus am i looking for a perfect human because perfect doesn't exist so where are the places that i can compromise or i can have compassion for their learning but if their learning is in your trauma that's the no but if their learning is in a this isn't going to activate all of my stuff and this isn't a pattern i'm trying to break i hear you i can hold compassion here from my higher self then you can explore and i mean feel it out but i think there's so much rigidity and it has to be all or nothing and i think we can also i'm too flexible i mean let me be honest i'm too flexible okay that's I don't have that problem.

44:10I'm looking for the good and all. I'm looking for too good and everyone's like, yeah. We need to see the red flags. Yes, I need to be, yeah. I'm not missing red flags, but I have too much compassion for people to change and evolve. I've changed and evolved so much in my life. And I also have, I think I'm expanding myself into the belief that there will be someone that has as much capacity and depth and nuance and multidimensionality as me. And of course I have my things that aren't perfect, but I think I've never met a man that could quite hold what I could hold or would have the capacity to hold.

44:47So I've kind of held that maybe they have enough or maybe they could get stretched so far. But a lot of times it's like you can only stretch so far and they can't hold the stretch for too long. Yeah, that's fair. You know, in there. But I don't want perfect. That's not what I want. I think I want. But I do need to be mindful of like what places in which are like, how is my wounding matching with theirs you know and if your thing is i'm always having to be the bigger container i'm always having to caretake in some regard that's your that's your test discernment like oh totally here's that pattern again this it's asking me to no longer play this role yep totally yeah totally so they want to so someone wants to manifest love in a soulmate what would you say the first thing that they should do is?

45:35Become it. Look at your list and figure out where you are lacking it and where you need to attune to your own stuff first before looking for your puzzle piece to fulfill the things that you feel like you lack. The other thing I see a lot with our community is right before they manifest a partner, there is a season of unapologetic just singleness joy they are not looking anymore because i think sometimes with a partnership it can feel like i have it or i don't and there's not a lot of um uh integration on i don't i don't care when they're coming like i know it'll happen it'll be great i'm not looking you know i think so many times we're conditioned as a society like oh like how's dating going like what's going on here and it's like it doesn't always have to be this thing that's running the show in our conversations can it be something that we are striving for loosely we're holding loosely we see it we are that like protector mama bear holding our boundaries around it but we don't need to obsess over it and um we can really thoroughly enjoy our life in the season that we're in knowing that we are so deserving of that so i would say first place to start is look at your list and focus on anywhere that you're not showing up in those things um but then second place is really enjoying the season you're in like if that manifestation was coming in a month two months six months a year and let's say you're manifesting your forever person so you're gonna be with them forever maybe this is the last time you're ever going to be in this chapter like what would you want to have done in this season if you knew forever was a lock there's not even a question you know it's happening so just get curious about like how can this season actually be so fun if you had someone that you were working with that was like no i know it's coming and it's fine but yet it hasn't come in so long i always like i i work with this and my i always get curious about this too because i'm like is there a block that they're not seeing are they avoiding putting themselves out there like are they avoiding doing what they're being called to do which is the stretch of like being vulnerable with more people like how would you be able to tell that it's them surrendering yeah or it's them needing to do more work it's a tough one and you can really only tell I can tell like when I'm with the person the way they say it yeah it's like I can tell in their body their nervous system like I can just see if they're settled if they're not It's like it's fine.

48:15It's fine. I know it's coming. Yeah. It's like almost like the mantra they've told themselves. Yes. Versus they've embodied it. Totally. And they really believe it. Totally. I think if you're out there and you're listening to this and you're like I don't know like am I really surrendered or is there something else going on there? A couple places to look if you're not sure. Definitely the intimacy piece. This is a place where I think people they think they are okay and unblocked around intimacy. but it really terrifies them there is still that like subconscious fear that if i get close and they truly seen me they could reject me or something could happen or i could be hurt and so they're they're just like pushing it like almost like a little um protector fairy in your subconscious just like pushing it away and you'll see it show up in the self-sabotaging patterns of either not putting yourself out there not going on dates maybe going on dates with safe people but not people that are really like exciting to you saying yes to like the person you know would like you but they don't actually like align with your values or maybe you feel in some regard that um there's like a hierarchy between you or something so it feels like a safer get more secure get um i think that was a pattern of mine yeah well it feels like easier to be intimate with that dynamic um you can stay in control too and it's like okay i run the show i decide when we start i decide when we stop like you're always just going to be here for me like i won't be left everything's good so see where that may be playing but i would also look at past patterns parent patterns obviously but then dating patterns like what was the story what did you learn what did you pick up there and a lot of times when people are manifesting partnerships and then they look at their parents marriage maybe their parents are even happily married but there's like we call it like the eccentric piece or the missing piece there's like one nuance of their relationship that your authentic self does not vibe with and so a part of you is kind of thinking, if I manifest this relationship, I'm going to have to settle for that thing.

50:30And I've seen this with this one member who, when she'd get close, she'd sort of self-sabotage it a little bit and shut it down. And when she looked at it, she realized that when her parents, in their marriage, they didn't travel, they weren't spontaneous, they weren't playful. And she is so that. Like, she is like, go, go, go, up for the adventure, fly by the seat of her pants when she wants to be and she subconsciously picked up this pattern that if she entered this relationship she would be having to give that part of herself up and so look at those sneaky places that it may be playing out where you're not really okay with the partnership not coming in you're still just like playing out that block how do your parents relationships impact your manifestations they're the role model they are the blueprint i mean every everything that you're manifesting unless you're aware of it and you bring it up from your subconscious is what you learn from zero to 14 it's your mind map from those ages and so every you're like that sponge you're sucking up every bit of information of like okay that's what I need to be in order to be loved that's what I need for a marriage okay that's how I should think about money that's how I need to be accepted oh I'm rejected if I do that oh I saw that person and rejected to do that like you're just learning how you fit in the world and it's really for survival like it's really important for your development to learn these things to figure out how to operate in a society but it rarely if ever aligns with your fullest potential your your highest self and your authentic self and so as you get older you're like wait a second i'm operating from all these ways i learned i had to be to stay safe but this isn't actually what i want and i keep getting stuck so looking to your parents is going to be that first model of this is what a relationship is even if it's not one you want it was the one that was mapped to you that was most familiar and so there requires a lot of investigating and healing and rewiring of your subconscious that it can look different it's safe to be different it's safe to have a different story it's also really important to look at your parents as whole humans and you know like in my parents dynamic they got divorced had a very messy divorce and had a lot of trust issues throughout high school and college through this and there was so much of me that was like oh if you guys just did this like I wouldn't have this problem but at a certain point I had to own up and be that responsible adult and say okay but this is my pattern I'm repeating now and so what do I need to heal within myself so I can start opening myself up to trusting relations um and is there anything more unattractive than when people are like well my parents were like as an adult you're like you've you need to grow up therapy you need to just grow like I'm like well my parents were this so I'm like this I'm like god and you know about it so like do something about it that's what it is it's it's now that you know you can you can shift that pattern and just be aware yeah you got to take ownership how does the subconscious play a role in manifestation it's running the show i mean our subconscious is running what is it 95 of our behaviors or actions it's like our automatic pathways that's that blueprint i talked about is like what your subconscious like okay cool if I do that then this happens and I'm safe if I do that this happens I'm not safe so let me just do this and so it starts moving towards the familiar and this is happening all behind the scenes and you don't even realize when you're self-sabotaging most of the time you don't realize when you're playing small it's just your automatic response you might not even realize when your nervous system is shutting down you might not realize when you're going into fight or flight mode and overworking you might not realize you know all these little ways your subconscious is communicating like what its beliefs are but if we can get into the subconscious through and to be magnetic we do it in the self-hypnosis deep imaginings but really understand like what is going on in there what what do i believe that's now showing up in my behaviors and my actions and can i tell myself a new story can i show a possibility of a different reality being a potential um and can i make peace with the story that i experienced you know can i sit with that and and convert my younger parts and say i i get why you picked up this story i get why you thought you had to do that to be loved but i'm an adult now and we can do things differently that's where we really get to change how our subconscious is projecting out a reality that's like consciousness too you know I've become a little bit of a supplement skeptic lately, not because I don't believe in them, but because I started asking, is my body actually absorbing any of this?

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