894. Ask Lindsey: Dream meanings, turning 40, and why I keep my kids offline

0:00Lindsey Simcik:I will never show my kids' faces online, and I won't allow them to have social media until they're very old. Probably 18, and you're like, you won't be able to do that. Everybody has social media. We're in the era of AI and deep fakes. I don't want anyone taking the likeness of my child and using it for anything. Pictures, just living there, I don't know where they can go, what hands they can get into. I'm not willing to take that risk. I'm not willing to do it and just see what happens. It's a safety issue for me. We live in a city. I just don't want people to know what he looks like to identify him.

0:36Lindsey Simcik:You can imagine.

0:53Lindsey Simcik:Hello, welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. I'm Lindsay Simsek. So happy you're here. This is a solo. It's a Q &A. I'm recording this at 31 weeks pregnant. So just so you know, I think this will come out probably after I have a baby. So whatever I say here might be null and void. I'm not sure. I might be a different person on the other side, but I'm excited to get into this Q &A. I've gotten questions from you listening. I've gotten some in my DMs and I just wanted to have like a little smathering of discussions that we're going to have today. First things first though, make sure you subscribe to Almost 30.

1:37Lindsey Simcik:That is a to-do because we have two episodes every single week. I want to make sure they get into your podcast inbox. You're alerted to them. Also on YouTube, subscribe. We have video. It's gorgeous. I am a vision in lime green right now and very pregnant. So enjoy the video. I think it's like the new way to consume podcasts. It's just fun. It's kind of like you're watching a little TV show. Um, and we have incredible partners of the show and their information and discount codes live on our website, almost 30.com. And we also have information in our show notes about each each sponsor for the episodes I'm sharing that because one you get discounts so I think that's always nice and two like we vet these brands we use these brands we do not say yes to everyone I was actually just saying no to about five brands today that's not a brag it's just like I am not saying yes to just any brand like I we deeply care about you all and making sure that who gets access to our audience is real and true and helpful and impactful and all the things.

2:46Lindsey Simcik:So check them out. Okay, today, let's freaking do this. Okay, let's get right into it. The first question I got, actually, I get this quite a lot, especially when I share anything about my son. Why don't you share Maverick's face online? it's a great question. First of all, I don't think there's one right way to do this. And I will also speak from my experience, my perspective, what I believe. And I have zero judgment towards anyone who shares their children online, their face, anything. I can understand why people do do that and feel comfortable. So yeah, I just want to say that at the outset.

3:40This is just my choice and I just want to explain kind of why I do what I do.

3:47Lindsey Simcik:So first thing is that I became exponentially more private about things after Sean and I got together. um you know when you're a public facing person and I'm not saying I'm famous but like I just have a public profile on social media people have access to parts of my life I'm sharing on a almost daily basis um the people that you are close to spending time with and relationship with they might sign up for it and be totally fine with that. But my husband is very private and I didn't need him to all of a sudden become a very public person and let me film him everywhere I go and share about the deep intimate things in our relationship.

4:46Lindsey Simcik:And so we've had multiple conversations, some uncomfortable and hard for me, where he expressed just his preference and what he's comfortable with and just how we can navigate me still being a public person and also being in a relationship with someone who does not want to be a public person. And so I think that really reoriented me to the public nature of what I do. Um, I just prioritized or, or re-prioritized the people in my life who I wanted to have meaningful private experiences with, you know, and not have them shared online. And I realized how good that felt and how sacred that felt and how not leaky that felt and how that retained this deeper, more meaningful connection with those people because I wasn't sharing it with the world.

5:51So for me, it made sense and it's what

5:55Lindsey Simcik:worked. And it's how I then kind of treated those relationships where I would spend time with people that I love and wouldn't take one single photo or share anything about it. And that felt good to me. When it comes to our children, I have one son now with one other way.

6:18Lindsey Simcik:You know, I've become mama bear. You know, I think that's kind of what happens when you become a parent. Like there's just this protective instinct that kicks in on a primal level. And I think, you know, living in this modern world, I am aware of and I research and I'm exposed to some like really disturbing things happening, especially online. I mean, we see it on the news. We see it. We just see a lot documentaries. Like I, my mama bear instinct says absolutely not. We are not allowing eyes on our children for a multitude of reasons, which I will share. So first thing, I do not want people to know who don't know me, and especially people who have maybe not the greatest intentions to know what my children look like.

7:19Lindsey Simcik:It's a safety issue for me. um we live in a city and so yeah it's an easily accessible city and I I just don't want people to know what he looks like to identify him um you can imagine let your mind run of like where that could go and that's why I that's one reason why I don't show his face um so it's a safety thing I also believe that children cannot truly consent to this and I think it's important that they are able to um

8:05Lindsey Simcik:because I don't exactly know what exposing his identity and face and life more often on Instagram really would do to him over time. I'm not sure. I don't have a study done or proof. I don't think any of us do. Maybe we will see it in research decades from now. But I'm not willing to take that risk. I'm not willing to do it and just see what happens. I see and hear what it is doing to teenagers being online like that and exposed to things. I'm just not willing to do that. Third, I also don't love the digital permanence of things like that online, pictures, just living there. I don't know where they can go, what hands they can get into.

8:59Lindsey Simcik:I don't know enough to understand the complexities of that and the potential darkness of that. And I don't like that. Also, we're in the era of AI and deep fakes. I don't want anyone taking the likeness of my child and using it for anything. Anything. And fifth, I just feel like there's a sneaky thing that happens sometimes if you share your children online and maybe you have a bigger presence online, is that like the audience feels entitled to your children or they feel like they can make judgments or assumptions or say stuff about your children and again you could take it in or take or not but I just think that type of energy that type of eyes on your child is really intense whether they actually understand it or hear it or not it's just really intense energetically and They are energetically very sensitive beings, especially when they're young.

10:10Lindsey Simcik:You know, they haven't been super programmed yet. So like, I just don't love that. I don't want my children exposed to that personally. I think there's something spiritual about it too. I just, there's an instinct in me that just wants to make sure that he has his own private inner world for as long as possible. So living in Los Angeles, I have so much access to supplements, to all the things. But I remember over a year ago, finding the Absorption Co. and using their little packets. I use Restore, Energy, Calm, and Sleep all the time. And I remember really thinking about the brand and being like, this is a genius idea because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something.

10:56So for a supplement to actually work for you, your body needs to actually absorb it. And that's completely, for me, changed the way I think about my routine. The Absorption Co. is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption. Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body. One of the things that I use and really feel a difference in is their magnesium it is my number one stunner of all supplements and i've also added their berberine into my routine this is for metabolism blood sugar and craving support most berberine actually doesn't absorb it's like one percent so i love that they're really focused on making significantly more bioavailable berberine so start taking supplements your body can actually absorb go to absorbmore.com and enter code almost 30 at checkout for 35 off your first order that's absorbmore.com enter code almost 30 and check out for 35 % off your first order.

11:56BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time, but one thing we don't want to talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience. So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp. It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. It really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything.

12:28I would say meditation, therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. So you can look at the reviews if it's going to be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of 5 based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions, you get matched with a therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time.

13:01You can see the reviews, what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you. Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. I don't want him to be worrying about what other people are saying or feeling or liking or not liking about what he's doing.

13:23Lindsey Simcik:You know, if I were to share him more and expose more of him on social media, I just don't want that. um what I will say about not sharing my children's faces online is that doesn't help my growth doesn't help a lot of things I think people respect it you know a decent amount of people respect it which is fine great but in terms of like helping my social media quote unquote grow or become more popular or content, whatever. Definitely not in my favor in that way, but I don't care. I don't care at all. So that's just a choice I've made. And that is how I feel. I will never show my kids' faces online.

14:18Lindsey Simcik:And I won't allow them to have social media until they're very old um probably 18 and you're like you won't be able to do that everybody has social media oh watch me I actually think it's going to swing before they get to that point I believe that it's not going to be cool to be online as much as we are now I believe like being so addicted to your phone is actually not going to be cool soon enough. So see how that pans out. Question two. That was a good one. Thanks for asking. I love this one. Do you indulge? Do you like treats? Do you have any guilty pleasures? I think I post a lot, you know, I post on Instagram like meals I'm making and like most of the time they're healthy.

15:12Lindsey Simcik:So I think people assume that I like don't indulge and don't have things that I love. And the reality is, is that majority of the time I am eating quite healthy. I would say I have like an 80-20 rule for myself-ish. Like, I just feel better when I eat healthy, period. Like, I don't, I'm kind of at that age where like, it's not worth it to me to eat like crap and then feel crappy. I don't have that luxury of being able to feel crappy. So, um, yeah. Do I indulge? Yes. What do I indulge in? Um, your girl loves her sweets. So yeah, that's like a cliche, but I definitely love my sweets. So a couple nights a week.

16:01Lindsey Simcik:I love, uh, any dessert really just had bread pudding the other day. Love an ice cream. I love like a homemade muffin with some nut butter. You know, anything like sweet, good. Yeah, I'm in it. Wine, I love when I'm not pregnant. I don't drink it that often. But when I do, I'm just like, yeah, I probably won't give this up. It's just such a nice touch to a dinner, right? So I will indulge in that. I love a bagel. I love a Saturday morning big fat bagel sandwich. I don't think bagels are the best thing for you. I freaking love it. New York bagels, nothing like them. What else? Pizza I love, pasta I love.

16:48Yeah, I eat what I want when I have

16:51Lindsey Simcik:the opportunity to eat those types of things, but I am not like cooking pizza, right? I'm not like cooking heavy pasta dishes every night. So I just choose to eat healthy a good majority of the time. I indulge when I want to indulge. That balance feels good to me. Other guilty pleasures, man, I just, I love to sometimes like rot with a show that is not so crazy at the end of a day. Like I think I was watching the, there's a reality show on Palm Beach that's just so stupid. And it's just nice to like put it on at the end of the day, do my red light and just like watch these women get way overdressed fight about stupid shit um yeah it doesn't take a lot from me doesn't give a lot to me and I'm fine with that uh other guilty pleasures oh this is like an advice question okay I love this and so funny um why do I dream about my ex when I'm happily married.

18:02Lindsey Simcik:This person says, I've been married for a very long time. And sometimes my ex from like 10 years ago will pop up into my dreams. And then I wake up feeling like, huh? Like just feeling a type boy, not that like, oh, I miss him or whatever, but it's just bizarro. And like, okay, let's all agree that dreams are weird. And sometimes they were so random and psychotic. And then sometimes we could say like, what in my subconscious is like creating this dream? What the frick is this?

18:40Lindsey Simcik:There is like some research behind dreams. Dream experts and psychologists often believe extremes, like having a dream about your ex, are less about the actual person and more about things like old identities, like who you were when you were with that person, or unresolved emotional eras or nervous system memories of like an experience with them and it's activated. Those could represent like previous versions of yourself, qualities associated with that season of life. And I mostly believe that like dreams are symbolic. I don't think it necessarily means like you want this person back or that you're unhappy in your current relationship.

19:24Lindsey Simcik:Yes, I have had extremes. And it's so interesting. Like, I always have that feeling when I wake up, I'm like, what? Like, I haven't thought about that person in so long. I have no like feeling about that. Like, it's just been so long. There's nothing there. Why? And honestly, sometimes it is like what I just said, kind of revisiting that past self. Sometimes it's an opportunity to see that relationship in a different light. So living in Los Angeles, I have so much access to supplements, to all the things. But I remember over a year ago finding the absorption co and using their little packets i use restore energy calm and sleep all the time and i remember really thinking about the brand and being like this is a genius idea because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something so for a supplement to actually work for you your body needs to actually absorb it and that's completely for me changed the way i think about my routine the absorption co is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption.

20:41Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body. One of the things that I use and really feel a difference in is their magnesium. It is my number one stunner of all supplements. And I've also added their berberine into my routine. This is for metabolism, blood sugar, and craving support. Most berberine actually doesn't absorb. It's like 1%. So I love that they're really focused on making significantly more bioavailable berberine. So start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to absorbmore.com and enter code ALMOST30 at checkout for 35 % off your first order.

21:20That's absorbmore.com, enter code ALMOST30 and checkout for 35 % off your first order. BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time. But one thing we don't want to talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience. So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp. It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. Like it really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself.

21:53And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything. I would say meditation therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. So you can look at the reviews if it's going to be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of 5 based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions.

22:25you get matched with a therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You can see the reviews, what stands out and see if better help is a right fit for you. Use better help.com slash almost 30. That's better help.com slash almost 30. That's better. H E L P.com slash almost 30.

22:44Lindsey Simcik:Um, you know, if it didn't end well, or maybe see that person in a different light, um, or maybe it's just random, you know, like but I know the feeling of like being disturbed by it you're like why the heck are you here there's no there's no no reason I notice sometimes it can happen during like stressful seasons or seasons of transition or identity shift seasons whether you're becoming a mother or maybe you're getting married or like those things can come up but I personally would just see it as like your dreams are kind of clearing out your emotional storage bins rather than like bringing up something that like you need to look at and it's like very serious and you should question everything that you're doing and who you're with and all the things so yeah I feel you it's happened to me but I try not to put too much emphasis on them I just kind of tap and see anything here for me?

23:47Lindsey Simcik:Anything here for me to explore? And then I just kind of move on. Okay. Okay. Next question. So this question is about, um, she basically says my husband is the breadwinner of our family brings in most, if not all of the money. Um, she was more of like, uh, sometimes makes money here and there, but he is the breadwinner and she feels guilty sometimes. Um, so she feels like she wants to contribute more. Like it's a lot of things she's feeling. I feel guilty. I want to contribute more, but then also I want to be able to move freely and like get things that I want to get, but it's, it's our money of course.

24:30Lindsey Simcik:And he has no problem with it, but I feel weird about it and it's a complex thing it's very complex and I can relate to this I think so many women actually quietly struggle with this especially if you are a woman and you used to have a career and now you are focusing more on your home life I think there can be kind of this like pull of like I should be doing more I know I'm capable of more but what we have to remember if we are focusing on our family and our partner is the primary breadwinner, our value is just as much, if not more. It's just we can't compare financial contribution to the value we provide in the home.

25:21Lindsey Simcik:And just like, I don't want to just value my husband based on the money he provides for our family and like support how he supports our family in that way like that's not all of him that's not all that he provides he provides so much more than that just like i provide so much more for our family as well the caregiving labor the emotional labor the mental load the keeping the house running the like modern motherhood dynamics of the everyday like it's so much more than anyone who doesn't experience that would imagine. And my work has been around embodying that, owning that, being confident in that, and not feeling like I need to overcompensate in any other way just because it's a new way to provide value.

26:17Lindsey Simcik:I do think that women know that the value that they provide caregiving is valuable. I know that. But I think emotionally women feel like they still need to financially produce in order to like deserve things. Tell me if you resonate with that. I'm curious. So if you are walking around feeling guilty about purchases or around resting or around asking for more help or asking for more family time from your partner because they're working so much. I feel you. And I want to remind you that I believe that the more that we own those things, own asking for what we need, whether it's like purchases that we want to make, that we want to invest in or rest that we want to take or more support that we want to hire or ask for or the more family time you want to have, that is a part of your role.

27:28Lindsey Simcik:I've realized that, for example, calling my husband into deep family time when I know he has work to do, but calling him into those moments because I know he knows I got it but what I know is that what he brings to those moments is very unique and just as important and I need him there right so we have a role in that way to own more, call our partners into more. And I am just currently working with that. You know, I am not the best at it, but I realize what I am more confident and embodied in that way. The dynamic between me and my husband in particular shifts to more of a flow because he sees me owning what I contribute.

28:27Lindsey Simcik:He's not asking me to make more money or need me to do anything like that. But if I am more confident in what I am doing and providing for the family, I think he just feels, I guess, more solid in how our dynamic flows as well. I'm not wavering on, well, maybe I should do this for work or bring more money this way or whatever. Like I'm not wavering these days or at least not as much as I was. And I think that feels good to a partner. So I would think about that. Just reorienting yourself around your true value, what you are providing now as a mother. I would look at just how you call your partner in particular into the moments where he is valued or she is valued outside of just their financial contribution and how that's a part of your contribution to honor them for that.

29:30Lindsey Simcik:I would look at the guilt that you're feeling and what that really is and speak to it. Talk to your partner about it. Have these open conversations because I'm sure they've been feeling something off with, you know, with how you've been acting or feeling. So speak to it. I think just talking about it is so, so helpful. Um, you are building together, you know, this is a family ecosystem, like talking about it more, saying things out loud, and honoring that this is like an evolution of you both and you both play a part in it. It's not just the one making the money driving everything. That's not how it works.