In short
How personal growth reshapes friendships—moving from constant contact and mind-reading to secure attachment, clear communication, nervous-system regulation, and “resonance over history” (especially for women navigating singlehood, dating, and motherhood). Also covers letting go of guilt when friends feel distant, and treating friendship as seasonal rather than dramatic.
Guests
This is a solo episode hosted by Lindsay and Krista (co-hosts of Almost 30). No external guests are interviewed in the transcript.
Key claims
- Secure attachment can survive spaciousness; guilt-driven “are they mad?” checking is nervous-system activation.
- Strong friendships are explicit: stop expecting mind reading; state needs/boundaries.
- Regulate before you relate; process triggers (comparison, insecurity, feeling left out) before reacting.
- Clean your side: ask what’s being triggered in you, not just what’s “wrong” with them.
- Let friendships be seasonal; distance doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.
- Effort is the new intimacy: depth requires inconvenient check-ins and conversations.
Notable examples
- A friend’s social-media smile masking a divorce; friends misread intentions.
- Pregnancy friend groups as “resonant” support (mom gatherings, tailored needs).
- A friend sets a boundary: she can’t “be in the trenches” for a situation, and the speaker redirects support elsewhere.
- Text-message misinterpretations; the need for “screenshots” to ground in reality.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Dynamics of Friendship and Emotional Safety
0:00 to 1:04
Exploring the need for emotional safety and secure attachments in friendships.
“I felt like I had to be in constant contact and communication with everyone in my life to know that the relationship was okay and the relationship was safe and that they weren't mad at me.”
Neural Coupling: The Connection Between Friends
1:28 to 4:38
Discussing the phenomenon of neural coupling and its impact on friendships.
“So this is something that, so Lindsay and I for years, it's been so interesting because we, I think, rarely have interrupted each other.”
Reevaluating Female Friendships
4:38 to 6:33
How evolving circumstances and societal changes impact female friendships.
“an update on friendship in 2026 and beyond I feel like we've done conversations on friendship in the past but as you've evolved and changed as I've evolved and changed and as the world has evolved and changed.”
Choosing Resonance Over History
6:33 to 7:48
The importance of prioritizing resonant friendships over long-term ties.
“And, you know, how sometimes I think of like, how can I be of service, you know, in this, like, I usually don't have like a solid circle.”
The Role of Supportive Friends in Motherhood
7:48 to 11:28
Discussing the unique needs for supportive friendships during motherhood.
“relationships and friendships because they get your unique experience and perspective.”
Managing Expectations in Friendships
11:28 to 14:09
Navigating expectations and emotional safety in friendships over time.
“I guess emotionally, how do you navigate, how have you navigated that?”
Navigating Female Friendships
15:34 to 17:07
Exploring the complexities of female friendships and the need for healing.
The Importance of Communication
17:08 to 19:21
Discussing the necessity of clear communication in friendships and relationships.
“So it was helpful to kind of look at like your early relationships that might have kind of sculpted you to be in that.”
Emotional Honesty in Relationships
19:22 to 21:45
Understanding the role of emotional honesty and clarity in close relationships.
“But it was such an unlock for me as someone who is still on a journey of just becoming a better and better communicator in my relationship.”
Processing Emotions Before Speaking
21:46 to 24:18
Examining the need to process emotions before addressing issues in relationships.
“But I also think it's like taking responsibility for, you know, I might be really sensitive right now.”
Show all 25 chapters
Reciprocity in Honest Communication
24:19 to 26:19
Understanding the mutual responsibility in maintaining honesty within relationships.
“And we've, we've had that, I feel like where it's just like, let's, let's revisit this tomorrow or like later in the week.”
Reciprocity in Honest Communication
26:20 to 27:36
Understanding the mutual responsibility in maintaining honesty within relationships.
“I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day, that's my thing.”
Navigating Reciprocity in Friendships
29:09 to 36:30
Discover the importance of balance in friendships and self-inquiry.
The Role of Self-Reflection in Relationships
36:30 to 42:00
Understand how self-awareness impacts our relationships and personal growth.
“Like a lot of women want to be friends with powerful women that are successful in all of these things.”
The Role of Self-Reflection in Relationships
42:50 to 43:58
Understand how self-awareness impacts our relationships and personal growth.
“But one thing we don't always talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience.”
Categorizing Friendships
43:58 to 45:28
Understand how to categorize friends and manage expectations in relationships.
The Natural Evolution of Friendships
45:28 to 47:34
Explore how friendships evolve over time and the importance of allowing space.
“And sometimes it's not about you at all.”
Effort and Intimacy in Relationships
47:34 to 49:19
Learn about the importance of effort in deepening friendships and relationships.
“like hard things whether it's like you know family stuff or parents dying parents dying sickness and um marriage like it's just it's like bankruptcy yeah i don't know why i keep thinking about that.”
Friendship Lessons from Family
49:19 to 51:25
Discuss familial influences on friendships and the importance of maintaining connections.
Navigating Social Media and Friendships
51:25 to 56:00
Examine the impact of social media on real-life friendships and personal relationships.
“So they'll be like, oh, I saw her talking a lot about, you know, this thing online and like that made me upset.”
Navigating Personal Relationships in a Digital Age
56:00 to 58:55
Learn how to balance personal relationships with online personas.
“I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day, that's my thing, the pasta salad at a friend's house, but I also want to make choices that support how I want to feel.”
Navigating Personal Relationships in a Digital Age
59:09 to 1:00:20
Learn how to balance personal relationships with online personas.
“But one thing we don't want to talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience.”
The Dynamics of Friendship and Public Perception
1:00:20 to 1:09:46
Explore how public perception impacts personal friendships.
“And then our egos and our pain bodies and all these things, it's like, it's a constant negotiation of who you are, how you want to be presented, how you want to be received, how you want to be perceived.”
Building Meaningful Female Friendships
1:09:46 to 1:10:03
Learn strategies for cultivating deep and supportive friendships among women.
Enhancing Relationships Through Communication
1:10:03 to 1:11:57
Learn how to improve your friendships by communicating effectively and practicing compassion.
“I think being able to use your words more to communicate what you need clearly with someone, I think is going to be really helpful.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00I felt like I had to be in constant contact and communication with everyone in my life to know that the relationship was okay and the relationship was safe and that they weren't mad at me. So I think I've had to over the years really come back to myself and regulate and remember that like a secure attachment is one that can survive spaciousness. I think what I get nervous about with myself is that I'm an emotional authority in human design. A lot of friendship tension is really unprocessed nervous system activation. comparison, insecurity, feeling left out. So instead of acting out by pulling away or gossiping or testing, you process it first.
0:37Someone could be like posting the best jeans every day and they're smiling and they're trying it on and yet they're going through a divorce but not sharing about it. And their friends could be like, you're not being yourself online. It's like, what do you want me to do?
1:04Hey guys, welcome to Almost 30. Hello everybody. Welcome to the show. It's Lindsay and Krista. We're so glad you're here. Another solo we're serving. We're serving realness. We're serving major realness. On the same color palette. It's so crazy. Lindsay and I for 10 years have been matching each other's clothes. It's a psychic thing we do. You know what I've learned about? Have I told you about neural coupling? So I'm going to tell everyone else. So this is something that, so Lindsay and I for years, it's been so interesting because we, I think, rarely have interrupted each other. That's probably more so on Lindsay's part.
1:45She's learned to not let me just go. But we would be in conversations and it would almost be like we would be psychically attuned to the next question that she would ask or I would ask. And we always kind of know when each other are going or not. And we have this like connection that allows us to do this. A lot of times in marriages and stuff, you kind of have that too, that type of connection. But basically what happens in conversation with people that feels very vibey, it feels like you're kind of like going back and forth, feels like you're on each other's same page is something called neural coupling, which is almost like you have these like antenna or tentacles of energy and thought coming out of your head.
2:22And it's like attaching and connecting to the other persons. And it's almost like these antenna are talking to one another in this like psychic space and having the conversation or like you know sort of bouncing ideas off of one another that's why oftentimes when you collaborate with other people there's this like hive mind collective consciousness where you can get different ideas and perspectives when you're talking to people i have this all the time in coaching where like we'll be in the neural coupling experience and i can kind of pull things out of their mind or their psyche about their business or relationship that they might not have been able to um and empaths are much more able to do neural coupling because your empathic attunement or your ability to attune to someone is so much greater.
3:03And you can kind of feel when that happens. For sure. Right? It's almost like you're dropping in with someone, like the world around you kind of dissolves a little bit or you feel super, I felt like super energized by it. Yeah. Where it's like, it's almost like a complete loop where it's like, they're giving me energy, I'm giving energy. And it's like, you can keep going forever and you leave feeling generally and seen and heard and understood and and it's like when someone reads your mind kind of this is also when comedians and improv groups are like able to like really improv off of each other it's like they're really in the pocket because of neural coupling so it's like they're predicting a little bit what each other's gonna say what each other's gonna do and in this type of thing and I was we were in a conversation the other day with someone and I was like talking to them and I was like are we neural coupling right now?
3:50And I was like, no. Like I was just looking at them and I was like, there's no neural coupling happening in this. And I was like, I don't know if they're protecting themselves from neural coupling with me or I'm protecting myself from neural coupling with them. And I don't know if it necessarily works that way, but I had that thought. Totally. Sean and I do it all the time where he's like, I'll ask him a question like kind of randomly and then we'll kind of get into a conversation. But he's like, he's like, that's so weird. I was just thinking about that. And then we kind of go in where it's like we were both kind of desiring to like talk about it process things or whatever but it's like a nice yeah you pick it up in the field yes exactly you're like okay and then someone was gonna say it or you were gonna say it yeah all the time it's so it's so wild um today's conversation though we're gonna talk about friendship we're gonna have like an update on friendship in 2026 and beyond I feel like we've done conversations on friendship in the past but as you've evolved and changed as I've evolved and changed and as the world has evolved and changed.
4:49I think that there's a new update for how to approach female friendships needed. And I think the conversation around friendship has sort of come back to the surface in like a really interesting way in the zeitgeist. I think as more women are single, more women are kind of swearing up dating and online dating, and more women are not really wanting to fall into certain timelines or yeah, really finding men disheartening at this time. Unfortunately, I think they're really relying on the females in their community and relying on the women in their community and relying on women in a different way.
5:27And so I think that's really re-bringing up the conversation of female friendship and around friendship. And so Lindsay and I were thinking today of like talking about sort of how we're approaching female friendship and some of the things that would be helpful to remember if you want to have really deep, meaningful relationships in your life. Yeah. Because I think so often we can kind of be working off like a very old template of friendship. And we've talked about that before where, you know, we can kind of judge ourselves as the friend that we are because we're not calling our friends every day, for example, which we might've done in high school, college, early 20s, you know what I mean?
6:01Like, so it's really nice actually at the top of new seasons of your life to kind of recalibrate and wipe the slate clean of like how you approach friendship. Obviously, if there are cornerstones of how you approach friendship that feel really good, keep them. But you know, it's a living, breathing thing. And so it deserves kind of your presence and attention at the time of like how much capacity you have and what, you know, what does your friendship circle look like right now? And, you know, how sometimes I think of like, how can I be of service, you know, in this, like, I usually don't have like a solid circle.
6:43It's like, I have individual friendships kind of scattered. Because I think often people rely on like the one person to be at all or like too much of what they need in a relationship. And so being a little bit more categorical in a sense we could talk about where it's like this friend is an incredible listener and we also can like go deep and go light like just kind of knowing your friendships like that so you're not placing expectations on them that could distort totally and so you can love them and appreciate them more you know yeah then then we should so the first thing that we were talking about that actually works right now in 2026 for female friendships is choosing resonance over history.
7:31So when you choose the relationship and the friendship that is the most resonant and the most helpful and the most supportive for you, it doesn't mean that the friends that we're friends with the longest don't matter. But oftentimes when you're in different phases or chapters, you really need that really resonant friend. Like for motherhood, you're going to have different relationships and friendships because they get your unique experience and perspective. with my divorce and my being single I have friendships that get that specific unique experience and so the resonance of those relationships doesn't make the ones that are long you know doesn't make any other relationship less important but you can really choose what feels most resonant for you during this time to find the right like soul helper for you on your path yeah completely I mean I I realized becoming a mom that that group of friends is so essential.
8:26Yeah. You know, because so quickly you can like place all of your needs and like all of that on your husband or, you know, partner and, um, it's just not fair. And so to have people going through this very specific experience, whether it's pregnancy or birth or, you know, a resource, like a huge resource. It's like you can tap your mom friends, your mom group, the neighborhood mom group for nearly anything and they show up. And I think it's because they know the value of that type of support. But I would have never thought that that would be as important as it is going into this season. So learning that, I think what I've changed in this season is like, you know, even though time is limited, it is carving out that time for those in-person gatherings with moms, with our kids, without our kids, because it is that important, you know?
9:35Yeah. Did you feel like before you became a mom, were you like, oh, did you, did you feel like you understood how important it would be? Or was it like an experience where you were in it and you were like, wow, this is like. When I was in it. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't realize how important it would be. And now doing this a second time, I have a handful of friends who are pregnant right now with me and do around the same time who also have, this is their second. And so, yeah, it's just the layers of it and how we can support each other and check in on each other and ask each other questions and just talk about the little things, the big things, the crunchy things the exciting things um has made me feel way less anxious to navigate kind of this new like one to two transition so yeah i think the resonance piece of of a relationship too is like you just meet the right people on your path during whatever season that you're in and it's like there is like an it just for me speaks to the ebbing and flowing and having that be okay because also you know from like a parts work perspective or psychological perspective like if you're anchored in self and you're sovereign in who you are you're okay with like the seasonality of the resonance of people and you're okay with you know maybe having a few months of you know closeness with this person and then they kind of go in and they go out and I think for me that's been a theme in my life of like having people that I'm very close to but there are seasons where people are moving closer and there might be seasons where we're kind of not moving as much which where I think before I was like very adamant about keeping people at the same distance.
11:13That's what our relationship had. That's where I felt safest. I was like, okay, you've come close to me. You have to stay close. Where now I'm like, okay, like you're traveling for a few months or you're in this thing, but we still love each other and we'll come back eventually, but it's okay for like a little spaciousness. I think that's a really relatable thing that if you can expand upon kind of how you navigate those moments where you feel like there's a little bit of distance happening between friends and not in a charged way, but in kind of like a natural flow of like what's happening in their life, what's happening in your life.
11:47I guess emotionally, how do you navigate, how have you navigated that? And also like, do you have conversations or is it just kind of what is? I'm thinking about this. I guess I'll speak about my experience with it and hopefully people can extrapolate how this can be helpful for them. My experience was I felt like I had to be in constant contact and communication with everyone in my life for me to know that the relationship was okay and the relationship was safe and that they weren't mad at me. And that is so exhausting and that isn't healthy. And so I think I've had to over the years really like come back to myself and regulate and remember that like a secure attachment is like one that can survive spaciousness and a secure attachment is one that can survive pacing and time and, you know, people evolving at different paces.
12:46So I had to actually really work on creating this feeling of peace within myself that like, if this relationship is not intensely on during this time, it doesn't mean they're mad at me and it doesn't mean that there's something wrong. And so a lot of that work is the inner work of regulation of my nervous system, regulation of myself, building like inner confidence. As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realized that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week. It comes from consistency.
13:23So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Getter Bundle. y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury. Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower. It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful. And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated, luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturium believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable.
14:01It's luxury you can use every single day, and that's what creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase. That's naturium.com slash almost 30. I have so many of my dear friends that are moving through pregnancy right now. I actually have three of my closest people in my life that are moving through pregnancy. And it's been so beautiful to see how intentional they've become about their body and the way they're choosing to support themselves, the way they're choosing to nourish themselves.
14:33Lindsay, as an example, she truly is like doing like eating sardines, eating like liver. And so seeing her use ritual and just like support her body in the best way she knows how it has shown me how powerful and how great of a brand Ritual is because I trust her so much. She's reading every label all the time. So you can really fully trust Ritual for your brand to support you in your journey of pregnancy. So they have this really powerful essential prenatal, which is clinically backed with prenatal vitamins with traceable ingredients like choline, folate, and omega-3. It's also non-GMO. It's vegan, it's gluten-free, and it's major allergen-free.
15:12and it's made without synthetic colorant. I also love that Ritual uses bioavailable nutrients designed for optimal absorption and designed for the capsule to be gentle on the stomach and easy to take, making it easier for people to stay consistent. Don't settle for less than evidence based support. Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash almost 30. That's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 % off your first month. And then eventually getting to a point where, you know, cause you can do that, but you also have to be like, even if this relationship goes away or even if this person is truly mad at me you know which most time it wasn't it's like in your head it is okay but a lot of times that little girl to the mother needs the constant like you know if you have a very inconsistent mother or a mother that had shifting moods or a mother that was not attuned to you you don't know if she's mad sad glad so you're kind of constantly checking so you have to recognize that that little girl is constantly doing that in female friendships are you mad at me is everything okay I haven't seen you you know that kind of thing so you really have to work on healing so I really took that on as a part of my healing and a part of my path and I also recognize that like I also require different things at different times and there's sometimes where I'm like really busy or sometimes I'm not so I had to also like take the frame of like I actually am not always there for everyone in my life like on the flip side where I was reaching for certain friends to be oh my god they're mad at me there could be people that are doing that to me even though i'm living my life so seeing that as an opportunity for your healing and for your own work i think is really important because i think that's what really damages a lot of female relationships is the need for constant closeness and connection and communication 24 7 and then someone's inability to meet that means something is wrong and so then you like eventually blow it up or eventually something happens but it's actually most healthiest to have like an ebb and flow spaciousness of the connection.
17:10So it was helpful to kind of look at like your early relationships that might have kind of sculpted you to be in that. For sure. Staying meeting. For sure. That constant connection. Okay. So that's good for people to know. Yeah. I mean, these, if we're talking about relationships as a spiritual tool, you know, friendships are as well. So whatever you're seeing in your female relationships, you'll probably also see in your romantic one. You know, if I'm feeling like in my female friendships, I need constant validation, communication, connection. You're going to do that in your romantic relationships.
17:42For sure. And the men's circuits are going to be completely overwhelmed and blown out by your need for constant validation, communication, and connection. Men don't work like that from a biological perspective too. So it's like, how can I heal this within this so that I can be healthier within romantic relationships as well? So the second one that we were thinking about is stop expecting mind reading. So the strongest friendships right now are explicit. They have clear ass, clear needs and boundaries. And instead of she should know something, it's like, I'm going to tell you this anyways. So having a voice, having an opinion, having like your own insertion of who you are and not assuming people are going to read your mind is really essential.
18:27I feel like we've had our own evolution with that. Like, because I think when you get become so close with someone, you just expect them to like know or anticipate or do the things. So it's interesting because it's almost counterintuitive. It's like as you get deeper with someone, you would think, oh, they would just kind of intuitively do the things or know or anticipate. Totally. But it's actually the opposite. It's actually that you need to communicate even more because that relationship kind of deserves that, the deepening, the clarity in that way. I mean, that's one of the first, I think, like disagreements or like little areas of tension Sean and I had because I was just like, he was like, I'm not a mind reader.
19:15And I was like, you should be. Like, you have to be. I was like, just wait, you're going to get good at it. You know, I was like, let's practice. Yeah. But it was such an unlock for me as someone who is still on a journey of just becoming a better and better communicator in my relationship. I mean, it's such a never ending. And doing so, my work right now is like doing so in the moment. And I think in friendships, sometimes that can be, especially female friendships, that can be hard because I think what we're picking up on And psychically is like the emotional world of the other person as well.
19:56Totally. I'm thinking about we know each other so deeply. Yeah. So if I'm going to say something to you, I'm also thinking about like, how are you today? Totally. What's going on in your week? I'm also thinking, you know, I'm like thinking about so many things, which is like very sweet and kind from one perspective and also not very helpful from another perspective. I had a friend the other day that we were in a situation and she's like, I have a feeling that you're like I gave this feeling you're upset and I was and I was like yes I am here is why and I just was like you know I was like you said other stuff before I was like I love you da da da but I was like yes I am here's why and it's just like I think for the nervous system of someone that's been around someone that hasn't been consistent or clear having like the actual landing of like okay this is where we can move from yes is so helpful so instead of just like, well, you know, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, okay.
20:48It's like, no, like, where are we? Like, yes, that is true. And it's okay for someone in relationship for you to be upset with one another or like, you know, it's so weird. I think in my mind, like, I'm just like, you know, in everything is right from my perspective that I do, because that's why I do it. Everything is right from your perspective. And that is why you do it. And so we just forget when we are existing with other people and co-creating with other people in intimacy and relationships that it's going to rub up against some things at times. And I think acknowledging that and being okay with that is really, really huge.
21:23But I think asking for clarity of when you need something, when you need someone to show up, when you like need help, you need support. I had a friend too recently, like I was going through something and she was one of the people that I was talking to and she kind of set a boundary she was like hey baby I'm here for you and it involves someone else that we knew so she was like hey I'm like can't really be in the trenches fully for this one and I'm like that's so real like I that makes so much sense to me and of course my little part was like what boundary you know but then I'm like yeah she's right like I totally get it so I'm gonna go to someone else so her clearly communicating like hey I hear you I love you this is what I need this is how I need to go.
22:04And I'm like, great. Now I know how to move. Instead of you getting to the point where you're like so uncomfortable, you're so all these things, it's like noticing how you feel in the moment and then communicating like, hey, I'm noticing something is a little off or I'm noticing like you've been a little cold or whatever. But I also think it's like taking responsibility for, you know, I might be really sensitive right now. Is this happening? Is this okay? When you communicate those things too. Yeah. What would you say about kind of the differing styles. So like for me, sometimes I need, and maybe this is like a protective mechanism or an excuse, but it's like sometimes I need to process a little bit before I say the thing.
22:40I know. And then I also feel like I can benefit more sometimes from saying it in the moment. I know. And I think what I get nervous about with myself is that I'm an emotional authority in human design. And so in the moment I can be kind of emotional or maybe feel something in this moment. And then like tomorrow I'll feel a lot more balanced and just kind of even, but that's also my perfectionist wanting to be metabolized in a more like, like they can digest me better. Of course. Do you know what I mean? I know. So I don't know. I know we neither. There's so many, there's so many questions in life that I'm like, you know, I think about, I'm not going to take us out of this, but I just want to say another question that I always have is like with dating, it's like, do you let go and not try or do you try?
23:38Do you make an effort because effort will be rewarded or do you not try because that's, you know, it's like there's so many questions that are like that where I actually don't know either because I've had situations where I said something in the moment and it was a huge payoff. And I've had something when I didn't and it was a huge payoff, you know, because I regulated and the next day I was like, what was that? Yes. You know, like I'm not the same person I was five minutes ago. It's such a hard one. I don't really know. I think I guess it would be like, how could I love myself even whatever if.
24:05I think that's, yeah, I think that's the big lesson and especially with people that you're in deep relationship with. Yeah. So not being afraid that if I say something in the moment with you or with Sean or whatever, that like, you guys are going to be like, we're done, you know, like kind of having that deepening, regardless of what it doesn't matter what the conversation's about it's just like trust in myself and also trust in our relationship container that it can hold it yeah it's interesting though too because it's like what if like you are what if you're both a little bit like nervous system activated yeah we've had that because it's like yeah it's like okay does that bring them down does that bring you down like it is I always ask for space when I when I sense that we're both.
24:47And we've, we've had that, I feel like where it's just like, let's, let's revisit this tomorrow or like later in the week. Cause it almost feels like we're not our best selves in this moment. Totally agree. It doesn't mean the feelings aren't valid. It's just like, I don't think I'm going to say anything right now that would like move this conversation along in a, in a positive way. Like I kind of just need to like understand what's coming up right now. Totally. I think, and I've been thinking about this all day with the nervous system regulation, like with there was that conversation, business conversation we're having with someone.
25:22And I'm just like, I've been really locking in and realizing like my whole life, and this is my perfectionist part that's talking. I need to be regulated my whole life because if I'm regulated my whole life, I can trust I'm going to make the right decisions. I'm not going to be regulated in my whole life, but you know what I mean? I'm like, you're going to always communicate best if you're regulated or if you're like coming at it. But I do feel like giving your friendships the best chance to support and be loving to you by telling them how you're feeling, what you need and being honest. But you also need to understand that if you want honesty in your relationships, you're going to get honesty back.
25:58So this is the whole thing. You can't be, you know, hey girl, you're not showing up for me, da da da da. And then four months later when your girlfriend's like hey girl you're not showing up for me da da da and you're like oh like if you want an honest relationship that requires honesty you need to be prepared for honesty back this is the whole thing you can't just expect you know to be the only one that's like hey I've got something and then like people people are going to come back to you with stuff too yeah you know I think that's the energetics of it too where like you kind of open up that that possibility in your relationship and it's going to become a thing that you then work on together summer is always a funny time because I want to enjoy the burgers at the barbecue.
26:37I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day, that's my thing. The pasta salad at a friend's house, but I also want to make choices that support how I want to feel. I realize I don't do well with the all or nothing approach anymore. That's just not me. That's why I've been loving hero bread. I was honestly shocked by how soft and fluffy and delicious everything is that they make. There's no stiff cardboard texture, just the bread, buns, tortillas, and bagels you actually crave. I've been using their tortillas for easy lunch wraps for myself, for my son. They're bagels when I need something quick and satisfying in the morning.
27:16And nutritionally, it's such an easy swap. Depending on the product, Hero has 0-5 grams of net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, and 11-32 grams of fiber, which is unbelievable. They even have noodles with 32 grams of fiber and 12 grams of protein. I'm obsessed with the noodles. So is my son and husband. So Hero Bread is offering 10 % off your order. Go to hero.co and use code A30POD at checkout. That's code A30POD at hero.co. So your girl's at the farmer's market on Saturdays, every once in a while with my friends. I'm shopping at the local spots. When I was in Europe, I was shopping at these local markets.
27:55And one of the things I was noticing is I was so exceptionally, eternally grateful that I could just buy with a tap of my phone from these local vendors and these local markets. I got this crystal necklace that I needed and I got to just do a little tap tap on Square and make it super easy for myself. So Square is the support for today's episode. It's the business platform that helps sellers become neighborhood favorites. I always just notice that everything flows when people use Square. The checkout with Square is seamless. the staff isn't stressed, and they're actually able to connect with you because they're not fumbling with different systems.
28:30And I just love that it brings payments, point of sales, online orders, inventory, staffing, and more together in one place. So these local business owners can spend less time managing technology and more time doing what they love. And whether you're just getting started with growing your business, Square truly grows with you. It helps you run your business more smoothly, bringing payments, operations, and insights in together in one place so you're ready for whatever's next and right now listeners can get up to 200 off square hardware when you sign up for square.com slash go slash almost 30 that's sq u a r e.com slash go slash almost 30 to get started with square and build a setup that works the way you do totally so it will show up reciprocally i do think that there is like a benefit of you know saying stuff in the moment when it's like just super easy and cool like hey you know because there is a quickness like of alleviation that like can really alleviate some things you know like I have this one friend that like we're on the phone and we're always on the phone and she always is like we'll go in on her and we go in on me too but we'll get on her and then a lot of my friends do this actually they'll try and flip to me or they'll try and flip how are you like after 45 minutes of them talking about something and then they're like how are you and I'm like actually I don't there's no need here for this yeah I actually don't I love that part but there's no need and I said that the other day because she kind of kept pressing she's like no but how are you how are your hip I was okay I don't it makes me uncomfortable when we're flipping because I don't know where to land because we were just spending an hour on you and I kind of want to like stay here yeah like you know I've noticed you do that five more minutes so I was like I notice you do that but like I don't let's stay here like it's like stop doing that you don't need to be doing that and that's that's a really um important aspect I think of female relationships in general where there's like this it is that need for reciprocity or like a balance or a you know evenness in that way but some I love that you did that because sometimes what the lesson is for either one is that like we can be pouring into you right now and that's okay yeah and and you don't need to give it back to me today tomorrow next week but we know in our relationship that that's just what we do and if i did need you you would be there you know it's it's a different brain for me yeah i i don't know how to like as a some just who i am i'm like maybe it's a Pisces thing I'm like I'm fully into your world right now and I don't even know what what I'm talking about and I also think it's you know just kind of a way to make themselves feel better for taking up a lot of space exactly yeah that's true exactly yeah that's that's that's exactly what it is where I'm just like and then it just feels like it feels like not yes genuine which I know that's not the intention but it's like you don't need to talk about it yeah I have a friend that actually we're very good like that we're like after she gets it like for an hour of talking about her she's like okay I'll talk to you later I'm like bye I'm like great perfect we've never I said that to her the other day I was like I love that we've never once tried to like do that nice thing I'm like oh what's up with you like da da da da so the third this is actually speaks to what we were just talking about as far as like communication and conversation it's regulate before you relate so because a lot of friendship tension is really unprocessed nervous system activation, comparison, insecurity, feeling left out.
32:00So instead of acting out from that, you know, while pulling away or gossiping or testing, you process it first and then you can come back clean. So, you know, really thinking about how it's nervous system activation that is happening there. How do you process? I usually, my therapist is helpful, but I'm, I'll just go on a walk or I'll just kind of think about it. I'm like, I'm always like, how is this me and not even in the narcissist way but like how is this reflecting me like oh what's happening here I just got activated oh I'm scared you know what I mean it's like okay cool that outside of the ego's need to be right of like you know this person copied my content or something like that it's like okay cool like sure that can be a truth and then what's below that oh I'm scared I won't be successful because they're gonna get more successful in my content okay cool what's below that like I feel like I'm not you know special okay cool there we there's the truth and then that's the layers on so if like people are not doing their own inquiry to figure out what actually is going on like you're never going to be in the relationships that you want that are authentic and true and you're never going to become who you came here to be so notice where you find yourself really dysregulated and then kind of having the inquiry after so leaving you know I had this situation the other day where I was like I noticed myself when I was talking to a friend and I was like I was a little too she was telling me about a situation I felt myself just a little activated like I was like frustrated that she wasn't looking at her had her part in it a little bit more like I wasn't mad at her but I was just kind of like baby you gotta gotta see the truth of what's going on here I'm here for your growth I'm not here for this other person's growth so I was just kind of like I noticed I was a little too attached to it then I was like, okay, why did I get so agile?
Read the full transcript
33:46Why wasn't I able to just be there for her? And I was like, okay, I think because there's a part of me that needs to look further at my part in things. Where am I not looking at my part in things? Or where am I like needing someone to be seeing what I'm seeing to feel safe? You know what I mean? It's like, and not making myself crazy, but just kind of like, okay, because if it's coming up in you, it's yours. Yes. And I think that it does bring up a good point, though, that it is these moments, these like kind of harder, crunchy moments where you need to bring something up, become more of a joy and a deepening when the other person has awareness, similar to what you're talking about, that self-inquiry, that ownership.
34:33relationships flow much better it's hard when I think one person isn't quite aware of what they're bringing to a moment sometimes it makes it impossible I've been in those relationships like where it just kind of stops and you're like I don't know if we can proceed because yeah the the awareness is not there that doesn't feel safe or that doesn't feel like we can go deeper than where we are like I can trust there's a trust thing there for me where I'm like if people are unaware I'm just like yeah I'm I'm I'm good I know I'm kind of good on that and obviously there's a spectrum right like I have moments where I'm unaware of things but like yeah it is it's such an important piece to I think friendship now yeah you know at this age like in this day and age where it's like it's so empowering we're incredible at that yeah we are incredible at that i agree i think honestly codependency made me incredible at that because codependency is like how is every single thing my fault and actually like wielding that codependent mindset of coming back every single thing is my fault to actually like for my benefit of like how is this my fault well the the the higher expression of that is like what within me created this experience yeah you know it's just like okay like having compassion for all the parts of me as you talk about like it created this experience you know if we're talking kind of on like a higher energetic level so getting curious about that rather than feeling so much shame totally yeah that was the the gonna be later but that could be the fourth one it's really cleaning your side constantly so instead of asking like she's being weird or like gossiping it's like what is this triggering in me where am I like abandoning myself where do I feel like I could communicate more it's like not over owning everything but really staying in your power with it and I think in relationship if you're using it for a spiritual tool you have to really clean your side of the street and I've thought about this too it's like if you want to be friends with powerful women that are going to help you up level your life that means they will call you forward yeah of things you know i was like with jesse and i was like saying something i was like you know talking about something and it was actually very tender but i'm available for it she's like i just want to know what about you has drawn this situation in your life so many times i love her i'm just like she was literally peeing on the toilet i was like that's right that's a great question i was like can we like pontificate on this before a little bit longer, but it's true.
37:18Like a lot of women want to be friends with powerful women that are successful in all of these things. And women get successful and powerful by being honest with themselves. And so if you don't want that type of relationship, like you're not going to have the opportunity to evolve and grow through the reflection of really powerful, amazing women. I was with someone and I was like talking to them about a situation and I could tell they were not I kept asking I was like and this was like me I'm kind of crazy but I was like a lot of times with my clients I've noticed I need them to send me screenshots not because I'm like because the screenshots show me the truth and sometimes we can say the stories of like oh I was really putting myself out there and they like texted them one time a smiley face you know it's like there actually is like a deep disconnect from reality and the stories people tell.
38:05And so you actually need to see screenshots a lot of time to read. Like they'll be like, oh, this is what happened. And I'll read the text from the person. I'm like, that's not at all what I see. That's not at all what I'm reading. That's not. And I, cause I don't have the story. I don't have the lens. I don't have the view. I don't have the veil over my face to read from your story lens. And so there was this person I was like, oh, can I see this screenshot or something? And they were like, no, I'm like, and then I was just kind of sitting there I'm like if we're not able to ground in a reality of what's going on like I don't really know where to go as far as like helping because we're just hearing your story and your story is from a wounded place that you've admitted I've admitted so then then we're just kind of validating the wounding which I'm available to validate wounding but if you want to move beyond the wounding at some point you kind of have to like see what the true reality is oh I see the true reality of this text exchange and actually yeah I didn't respond for three days oh actually I was really short or actually I could see why they would think that was cold or actually like you know whatever happens like this I can't tell you how many times this happens there was a client I had a while long time ago and I was like you need to I was like show me the screenshots of this and like this um negotiation of this contract she's like they've been rude they've been all these things my sister was not replying for days on end and was not like giving them one sentence And she's like, I'm overwhelmed.
39:27I'll get back. Like, I was like, baby girl, what are we talking about here? Like, this is not, your part has gotten, you blended so much. You are not seeing reality. And I'm sure I've done that too, where I've like messaged someone and I'm like, oh, this was such a nice message. And they're like, that was cold. You know what I mean? Like, we really need to be able to see reality. So all that to say is that if you want deep, intimate relationships with powerful women, you have to be able to accept and receive some of that power and that truth. also bring these examples to a dude and they'll tell you they'll tell you some truth I feel like sometimes I'll show Sean like something I was like texting with whatever or whether it's like our nanny or something like that and I'm like can I have your perspective on like my response he's like well he's like I feel like the way you said it leads leads to these expectations you know what I mean it's essential that's essential for you to know yes it's so essential help me to see what I can't see yeah Yeah.
40:23Help me to, I think that's a good, like a good call to a friend. Help me to see what I can't see. Yes. Help me to see the truth. I am. Yeah. I think that's a really good. People who was asking me the other day, they're like, do you get perspectives from people for stuff? I'm like, I get so many perspectives from people from stuff because I need you to help me see the truth. If I have a text message that I was like crafting like a week ago to send to someone and I send it to a friend and they're like, absolutely not. Right. And I'm like, then a week later I'm like absolutely not but that felt very true for me in that moment and so when you can like give yourself time to like regulate and look at yourself like oh what is this triggering in me why is this giving me such a response it's going to be so much better yeah 100 so that was number four okay I love this one let it be seasonal without making it dramatic so just allowing your friendships to like not every friend is meant to be an everything friend some are business and work some are for play some are for deep emotional support and you don't need to force one person to meet every single need and you don't need to make distance mean that something's wrong i have so many of my dear friends that are moving through pregnancy right now actually three of my closest people in my life that are moving through pregnancy and it's been so beautiful to see how intentional they become about their body and the way they're choosing to support themselves the way they're choosing to nourish themselves lindsey as an example she truly is like doing like eating sardines eating like liver and so seeing her use ritual and just like support her body in the best way she knows how it has shown me how powerful and how great of a brand ritual is because i trust her so much she's reading every label all the time so you can really fully trust ritual for your brand to support you in your journey of pregnancy So they have this really powerful essential prenatal, which is clinically backed with prenatal vitamins with traceable ingredients like choline, folate, and omega-3.
42:21It's also non-GMO. It's vegan. It's gluten-free, and it's major allergen-free. And it's made without synthetic colorant. I also love that Ritual uses bioavailable nutrients designed for optimal absorption and designed for the capsule to be gentle on the stomach and easy to take, making it easier for people to stay consistent. Don't settle for less than evidence-based support. Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash almost 30. That's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 % off your first month. BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time.
42:52But one thing we don't always talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience. So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp. It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. Like it really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything. I would say meditation, therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day.
43:25And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. So you can look at the reviews if it's going to be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of five based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions. You get matched with a therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You can see the reviews, what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you.
43:56Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. that's better help.com slash almost 30 so like understanding and cat I've always said you guys have been categorizing friends since 2019 categorizing your friends so you can understand them so you can put your expectations in that place so you're not expecting them to be something that they're not or that they can't be so I have certain friends that can meet me in certain ways certain friends that can support me in certain ways and having that has helped me love them more and helps me appreciate them more because I'm not going to every friend expecting them to like meet me in the depths that they don't have the capacity for.
44:34Yes, it is so important. And I think to your point to the, you know, if friendships ebb and flow, if friendships end, if they take a break, if they just feel a little bit more distant, just obviously if you're picking up on something that needs to be discussed, discuss it. But like, I do think that there's such a beautiful practice in allowing like the natural evolution of friendship to happen that actually the space and maybe the quote silence just gives it the room to like become something even deeper eventually you know like I just and I work I think I'm kind of the I allow that like to a fault sometimes and I need to work on kind of like the um the deepening of like the checking in and just kind of like tending to it but it's been kind of beautiful to see some friendships evolve in a very positive way because we've let that space happen and not made meaning of it you know like when you make meaning of it usually you're bringing your own projections and like experience and just judgments of it.
45:48And sometimes it's not about you at all. Yeah. That's the codependency. How is this space about me? What have I done something wrong? And just inserting yourself and something being wrong about you and all of that, and just creating that like anxiety of that feeling is so huge. The fifth one, effort is the new intimacy so really normalizing I think we've normalized low effort friendships and relationships and called it healthy but the truth is that depth does require the inconvenience of conversation so that's checking in like you said planning things being there when it's perfectly not when it's not perfectly aligned to your schedule it's in 2026 I think relationships are intentional and they're not passive and I was actually thinking about this recently because I was like thinking about doing a pruning my guides were like it's time to prune prune my tree of my relationships and I was like okay I want them to be like very I'm at a point now at an age in time where I'm like these people I'm double clicking on and like it's interesting I've had new women kind of enter my orbit and I'm like okay it's a lot harder for me to bring new women in my life because I'm like this is the thing but I think what we overlook in 2026 is that a lot of times relationships are inconvenient answering the phone when you're tired you know helping someone with the groceries being there for someone checking in with someone like going to the wedding going to the baby shower going to all these things and I don't think those are convenient inconvenient but a lot of people think they are and we need to remember that relationships require at times us being inconvenienced and that's okay absolutely and i think too like in you know in hard times you know as we get older i think we're going to be navigating yeah just a whole other host of like hard things whether it's like you know family stuff or parents dying parents dying sickness and um marriage like it's just it's like bankruptcy yeah i don't know why i keep thinking about that.
47:54Floods. Yeah, honestly. Tornadoes. The rapture. But I think, you know, I've learned the value and friendship of just the presence, you know, that like a friend can provide in those moments, not the solution, not the like doing the most, but it's just like consistent presence, the check-in, like the gestures without asking what they need, you know, are just so important. It's like effort on your part, but it puts a low effort on theirs because they're going through something. And I just, I think people, and I've looked back at harder times and the brightness in looking back at a memory like that is the people that really showed up and just were there consistently.
48:48And yeah, I completely agree with you. I think as we get older, because life gets quote busier in ways, or it's just like, you kind of become a bit more if you have a, like you're building your family, it becomes more about your family. But there is just such a value. And I'm thinking about this a lot of investing in those friendships and making that effort in your own unique way that sets a great example. Because if I look back at my childhood, my mom was a wonderful friend to her friends. My dad didn't really have any friends. You know what I mean? That was that generation, man. Yeah. Yeah. It was all work family here.
49:33But I want to set that example i want that to be a part of kind of like how we look at the village like we show up for people yeah sean's really good at that he's very good at the village yeah my god's so funny i was just thinking about remember after tour in nashville where we were talking to my mom in the car yes and we were like what did you learn she's like nothing we were like okay what did you learn from our book tour in nashville gave a talk on what did we me and lindsey gave a talk to the audience and we were like what did you like what did you learn or relate to she's like nothing I was like okay Lindsay's like the body chapter my whole body story is because of you anything and she's actually I really related to the friendship thing me and the divas she's like we've been friends for years and she calls her friends the divas they're fucking bitches I would not want to wait on that table oh my god waiting on the divas table an absolute nightmare on elm street but she goes she goes that's one thing she's like you got to keep your girlfriends i've been friends with and i was like what makes you guys have such a great friendship we don't put up with bullshit i love terry dude so crazy we don't put up with bullshit like they'd be like they're like the perfect example of like being honest it's like a gang no literally they're like we they have their like bandanas and biker shorts but their bullshit's like you know he sucked anyway you know like it's like it's weird they kind of like have and this is a this is a sub stack post i should write they've kind of like taken on the trope of like a 22 year old girl where it's like oh we're the divas and we don't put up with bullshit and we we you know we don't rely on a man and i'm like babe we're past that as full-blown mothers that are retired we're past this whole trope that you're still applying to your life it's like weird media tropes applied too late yeah yeah yeah totally so weird love that for them do they have a facebook group they do i think so they have a facebook group and they have like mugs and they have like t-shirts okay and they fight me every year to give me them free product like hey can you send us free products to the lake can you sponsor no literally my mom is nice to me once a year and it's for free product for the lake house trip for the divas she's like i need all the face masks i can get just like me and the divas love it like okay um
52:13okay the last one number seven is so in the updated 2026 manual looking at social media on friendships this was something I wanted to talk about because I have noticed in I think almost 85 percent of the conversations I have with friends and I think my world is a little different because I'm in the social media world in the epicenter of it in Los Angeles with people that have public facing businesses or personas but I have also noticed in other worlds and conversations that a lot of people are sort of siphoning their attention to the social media of someone rather than the actual person. So they'll be like, oh, I saw her talking a lot about, you know, this thing online and like that made me upset.
53:04Or like, you know, she's broke, but actually she's flying first class all the time and getting, you know, having an issue with that and being triggered by that. And then bringing that into relationships. And I'm not saying people shouldn't be authentic. They should. But it's like remembering that social media is not, is a part of who you are. It's not all of who you are. So the relationship you should have should be with the person and not their social media account. I take my, I love my friends. They have some of the greatest content on earth and I actually don't engage with it. I only engage with it once a month.
53:34I'll look at it one day. I'm like looking at everything supporting, but for the most part, I don't engage because it's just like too much information. I want them to have their own experience. I want to like be in my own experience and relationship with them I don't want to copy anybody I don't want to get their voice or their brand I don't want to like get my mind sort of like warped around anything like it's just like I don't know I think we need to be really thinking about how we can be supportive and loving to people and what they're doing in the world but also like allowing our own unique experience with them that's outside of that persona I think it's more important than ever whether you have a platform or not because I think people do it regardless like they have their friends that they follow on Instagram and they're seeing things shared you know and they sometimes can be insulted that they didn't get the word before social media there can be yes I've heard that too there can be that split between um who the person they're seeing on social media and who they know in real life and they could feel a type of way about that that's true they could feel like who are you really you know it's all about it's like their work totally but it can create some you like this post you follow this person there's like association with people it's like if you have one friend that's politically this way and a friend that's politically this way people could be like what are you politically if you have one friend that's pro this one friends that's not that it's like it kind of just gets so like murky yes it does get murky yeah I've had um normalized being friends with people not because of like their political ideology and like they're like but some people that's a non-negotiable yeah it's true you know like some people that's their non-negotiable if you believe this or a good heart is my non-negotiable yeah honestly um good vibes are my non-negotiable but it's it's been an interesting thing to navigate with friendships and family.
55:34Yeah, for sure. My marriage, like it's just like, okay. And I think it's actually been more of like a positive push to pouring into those relationships that really mattered to me because I think for a time, I would say my time, maybe in LA where I just felt like I was like building for me. Yeah. You know, I'm just like, we're creating almost 30. Like, It's just like I'm individuating from my East Coast roots and family and da-da-da, and not having that real compassion, sensitivity, or sense of how this online version of me is necessarily affecting other people closer to me. And now I'm a little bit more thoughtful about just pouring into those relationships, actually sharing with them first certain things before I share online if that's appropriate or you know um I don't know if this is right or wrong but just making sure that like I'm showing up just super present and myself with these people so that the purpose isn't that they know that I'm like real and like I'm their friend but it's just that like that feels good you're like I'm on my period right now that feels true to me i'm like such a bitch i'm being real but it's i think before i was putting so much into more of the like public persona for sure if that makes sense in terms of like my energy spend for sure so i've kind of you know put more into that like personal relationship side and it's it's it seems to be like more balanced in my field where like i don't feel that weird tension with people where they're like so I did this you know it's like that weird totally I think that's just always going to be a conversation that we're having nowadays and for the future of like in relationships or in family or in just any relationship it's like we are humans that are have these characters that are interacting virtually online summer is always a funny time because I want to enjoy the burgers at the barbecue.
57:56I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day, that's my thing, the pasta salad at a friend's house, but I also want to make choices that support how I want to feel. I realize I don't do well with the all-or-nothing approach anymore, that's just not me. That's why I've been loving hero bread. I was honestly shocked by how soft and fluffy and delicious everything is that they make. There's no stiff cardboard texture, just the bread, buns, tortillas, and bagels you actually crave. I've been using their tortillas for easy lunch wraps for myself, for my son. They're bagels when I need something quick and satisfying in the morning.
58:35And nutritionally, it's such an easy swap. Depending on the product, Hero has zero to five grams of net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and 11 to 32 grams of fiber, which is unbelievable. They even have noodles with 32 grams of fiber and 12 grams of protein. I'm obsessed with the noodles. So is my son and husband. So Hero Bread is offering 10 % off your order. Go to hero.co and use code A30POD at checkout. That's code A30POD at H-E-R-O dot C-O. BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time. But one thing we don't want to talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience.
59:15So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp. It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. It really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything. I would say meditation therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service.
59:48So you can look at the reviews if it's going to be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of 5 based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions. you get matched with a therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You can see the reviews, what stands out and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you. Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30.
1:00:24Yeah. And then our egos and our pain bodies and all these things, it's like, it's a constant negotiation of who you are, how you want to be presented, how you want to be received, how you want to be perceived. Is that okay with everyone else what's everyone else how do they want to be perceived how they want to be received it's like it's a lot it's a lot of information and I think my thing too is like I think there's a conversation too where people are like a real friend like supports what you do online and supports and likes and comments on all your posts and all that and I'm just like for me that isn't a priority of my relationships yeah I also like have stopped sharing time I just am like my friends our moms they have business like they're just everyone's doing their own thing and so I also don't perceive to need everyone to resonate with what I'm doing relate to what I'm doing my content isn't necessarily for my friends it's for my audience and my people my community um and I just think it's a it is a lot of time if I'm having a business creating you know it's like I mean how would you even I want my friends on the phone less yeah to be honest yeah and And but I was thinking about I'm also sharing about my friendships less online.
1:01:38I'm sharing about friendship, but I'm sharing about sharing my friendship less because people also track, you know, like it's actually interesting where being a public figure like people will be like, OK, they're hanging out with this person and they're hanging out with this person and then this person they've stopped hanging out to as much like I've kind of noticed that as a rhetoric in my DMs. I've noticed that as a rhetoric online and I'm not, you know, I'm not Beyonce. They're not like, oh, she's hanging out with Taylor Swift or not, you know, but it's It's like they do. And I also think I want the privacy of having relationships without public perception and having relationships with people that they may expect, they may not expect.
1:02:15Like, I don't know. I kind of like to keep it tight and not use it for like clout or like whatever the thing is. Yeah. It's so interesting. And I think like, you know, you have, like you said earlier, just a group of people who are also public facing. it's like such an LA like world that I think a lot of people are are interested fascinated by inspired by but like I think social media just has sometimes that energy that people you know like to connect to which is kind of like a little gossipy a little like I can't with that theory like conspiracy theory whatever of course um and I'm not 12 yeah I'm not 12 I don't need to be walking down the street with five of my best friends like hey guys like we are like but it's also like yeah the privacy piece and then also yeah I mean the fact that people dm is like hilarious it's like no literally they'll be like they feel so close to you oh my god they'll be like oh my god I noticed that you didn't have this person here are they like should we not like them okay that's crazy no they've said that no we need to have like other people they've been like oh I've heard you like I'm like what like world are we living in where that is that I mean it's also too just like should we not like them it's also too just like I don't want to be like everything's perfect I have so many amazing and deep relationships that are just immaculate incredible and it is not easy to maintain this many relationships with women yeah i mean like lindsey knows i'm she's processing almost she's the master of it i'm the master of it and i'm processing all the time it's like it is it's not and so and but but then i'm not going to get online and be like hey guys so shelly texted me this thing like so i don't want to just show only positive you know but but also let me just say two you have the right to post whatever you want right like you can if your truth is to share the positive aspects of your life and that is like your brand you know what i mean like so i think we can remember that too if we have friends who post all the time on social media or we are the ones that do that like i think owning the way you want to show up online and knowing that not everyone is going to love it not everyone's going to agree with it but that that doesn't need to be a divide in your relationships like it's an aspect of what you do but you know someone could be like posting the best jeans every day and they're smiling and they're trying it on and yet they're going through a divorce but not sharing about it and their friends could be like you're not being yourself online it's like what do you want me to do I know okay I'm showing jeans I know but it's just you know what I mean yeah let people I know let people and just be like she's going through it yeah like she's in and just let them be you know it's actually harder to go through it and be public about it than it's not yes so don't think that they don't want to stop yeah showing you jeans on instagram they really really do yeah it's true um the last thing i think i want to talk about this isn't even like one of them but i was just thinking about this recently because i've been thinking about love bombing and like i've been thinking about a lot of relationships because women use their words it's like women could love bomb too of course where you're like oh my god i'm obsessed with you you're the best and like i was just thinking there's no point to me saying this is and there's no real i don't have a track record of this in my life but there's nothing that would be keeping a woman from being like a female covert narcissist as much as a man as a woman love bombing attuning mirroring like i'm so allergic to that type of getting jealous getting there's one person in my life that like I don't think they love they kind of love bomb me but and honestly it makes me feel weird because it's not really warranted for the depth that we're in relationship right like there's a mismatch there's a complete mismatch as far as like what they are perceiving and what is the reality of our connection I completely agree I've had that a few times and sometimes I think um I've had a couple recently where there's just like a lot of love coming so suddenly and out of the blue and also they're coming from out of the blue so maybe it's from my past yeah right and my initial response or how I perceive it is that they want something for me say less you know like that they would and by the way like I don't mind a relationship based on you would like me to same totally mentor you uh share about your book like if you have an ask ask me totally but if there's this weird like totally agenda below kind of this like facade of friendship i'm not i'm not in and i sense it right away and i'm kind of like because that requires too much of my energy where i'm trying to figure out what the psychic space of lack of clarity and like it's actually taking more energy to fake a friendship than it is to like post about your book you know it's like just hey man sure that sounds good yeah absolutely but yeah the the aspects of like a romantic relationship gone wrong could absolutely show up in friendship like the love bombing the codependency what else like love bombing codependency control you know someone having like subtle control over you gaslighting 100 i've had gaslighting for sure for sure for sure for sure betrayal you know if you get betrayed you could be betrayed um dishonesty same same gossip for sure um criticism someone could be highly critical of you and relationships romantically and then in relationships friendship wise jealousy jealousy yeah but i would say on the positive front and the horizon i feel like there is this really re-acknowledgement and re-claiming of how helpful and powerful female friendships are and how transformative they are and i've seen this a lot in conversations online where women are really recognizing the healing power of healing and community of healing together of seeing and witnessing one another.
1:08:44And I think women, because we're so willing to do the work, are so willing to do what it takes to become even better women and friends. And so all of the things that we're improving in our lives from a self-help perspective or self-actualization perspective, I think we're also applying to friendships. And so I think it's making our friendships even more meaningful, even more helpful, even more powerful. And that can only behoove us in life to have these really, really special community-based female friendships. I've just been so inspired by all the ways in which women have been showing up for one another and women have been holding the torch for one another in so many different areas as so much goes on in the world.
1:09:24I would say if you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the conversation, maybe you have a lot of work to do. Maybe start with one friendship. Maybe there's a friendship of yours that you feel like needs a little recalibration, a little update, maybe pouring more into it or maybe actually allowing the space, but start with one. I think like our friendship was the one for me to kind of set the tone, set the standard for like deep relationships in that way. And so we don't need to go to every friendship in this moment, but you know you can you can tend to a relationship and kind of see and almost experiment practice these things that we're talking about where you can communicate more clearly in the moment like where you can actually leave space or ask for time to process um where you can actually invest more into it yep and see how that like adds just a beautiful texture to your relationship I think it'd be like a great place to start.
1:10:34I agree giving people more compassion and grace too you know in your relationships and friendships and so I think from this homework would be looking at some patterns in your female friendships in your relationships I think probably going and looking at them maybe in therapy with a therapist to co-regulate I think is really helpful I think having one friendship that you're really practicing these things with is a really good one, creating that secure attachment and that repair. I think being able to use your words more to communicate what you need clearly with someone, I think is going to be really helpful.
1:11:06And then I think just having a lot of grace for people showing up online, doing their thing on social media, whether they're your friendships, friends want to be Instagram people or not, or they're just like in the world. I think having more grace for people on social media and yeah, I think is helpful. And just knowing, being honest with yourself, knowing your capacity, knowing what's important to you, um, calling like having that reflective pattern within yourself of like, yeah, actually I'm, I think I'm bringing my stuff to this moment, you know, just being so in your power in that way, I think can really enhance your relationships.
1:11:43I agree. We have a few more episodes on female friendships. You can search friendship breakups. You can search, um, friendship. I think we probably have like five or six on how to have really good female friendships and relationships. And our book. We've had Female Friendship Roundtable and we also have our book, Almost 30. There's a whole chapter on friendships, how to have meaningful, deep relationships and friendships based on our friendship of over 11 years, probably now at this point. And we are here for your growth and your evolution and for you having the most meaningful, connected, loving life and people in it.
1:12:16So Almost 30 is the podcast, almost30.com. Check us out on YouTube. There's a really beautiful video that we've been doing. So make sure to subscribe, come watch and hang, comment there. And then we have Morning Microdose, our clips channel. If you want to get five to 10 minutes of inspiration from Almost 30, five days a week. We also have YouTube and Instagram. We have TikTok and Instagram at Almost 30 Podcast. And then we have our book, Almost 30, wherever books are sold. We love you guys. Thank you so much for joining us, especially on these solo episodes. We love doing them for you and we will see you on the next one.
1:12:49We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye. yeah yeah
From the publisher
If you want deeper female friendships, this episode is for you. K+L explore the communication habits, mindset shifts, and emotional maturity that create truly conscious relationships.
Ahead, the girls talk about why your friendships are meant to evolve with each season of your life, why we need to stop expecting people to read our minds, and why honest communication is one of the greatest acts of love.
This conversation is a reminder that the strongest relationships aren't effortless—they’re built through intention, mutual growth, honesty, and allowing people to show up as they are.
We also talk about:
Why choosing resonance over history changes your friendships
Healing anxious attachment + the fear that your friends are mad at you
How to communicate your needs instead of expecting mind reading
Regulating your nervous system before difficult conversations
Why every friend isn't meant to meet every need
Embracing the seasonal nature of female friendships
Building friendships through honesty, boundaries, and self-awareness
Why effort is the new intimacy in adult relationships
Navigating social media, comparison, and friendship expectations
Resources:
Instagram: @lindseysimcik
Instagram: @itskrista
Sponsors:
Upwork | Visit https://Upwork.com right now and post your job for free.
Square | Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/almost30! #squarepod
Smileset | Go to https://smileset.com/almost30 to get 35% off.
BetterHelp | This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/almost30.
Hero Bread | Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to https://hero.co and use code
A30POD at checkout.
Naturium | Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to https://Naturium.com/ALMOST30 for 10% off your first purchase today.
The Absorption Company | Start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to https://absorbmore.com and enter ALMOST30 at checkout for up to 35% off your first order.
Ritual | Don't settle for less than evidence-based support. Save 25% on your first month at
https://Ritual.com/ALMOST30.
To advertise on this podcast please email: partnerships@almost30.com.
Learn More:
Get your copy of Almost 30, A definitive guide to a life you love for the next decade and beyond. https://almost30.com/book
Listen to Morning Microdose! A quick trip into higher consciousness - https://almost30.com/morning-microdose
Watch on YouTube - https://youtube.com/Almost30Podcast
Join our community - https://www.facebook.com/Almost30podcast/groups
Follow:
https://instagram.com/almost30podcast
https://tiktok.com/@almost30podcast
Podcast disclaimer can be found by visiting: almost30.com/disclaimer.