900. What Almost 30 taught me about being almost 40

0:00Lindsey Simcik:The fact is that your intuition will whisper to you way before your life starts screaming at you. To leave the relationship, to leave your job, to say yes to the opportunity, to have the hard conversation. I don't think I'm alone in the experience of staying in a relationship too long. I was doing that in my mid-20s. Just staying too long for fear that I would hurt someone, that I would make the wrong decision, that I would be just like messing up the rest of my life by leaving this person. Anytime I followed my intuition related to being a mother, I just feel like the most powerful person ever.

0:40Lindsey Simcik:But my intuition is always right. And my intuition is connected to my child. So rather than running to social media or chat GPT or the books that I have or the experts that I have on hand, let's tune into my own intuition first.

1:11Lindsey Simcik:Hello and welcome to the Almost 30 podcast. I'm Lindsay Simczyk. I'm so happy and grateful you're here for another solo episode. I am recording this in June before I head off on maternity leave. This is coming out end of August. I told our team, I was like, huh, I think I'm going to be a new person in August. You know, you just like feel that change coming. So I wanted to record an episode that felt very evergreen of sorts, something that, yeah, just feels like it would be true for me in two months from now. And that is an episode about what almost 30 taught me about becoming almost 40. Because I'm almost 40, I'm going to be 39 in September, just in a few weeks from now.

2:09Lindsey Simcik:And as you know, by our podcast name, our late 20s, early 30s was a formative time for us to say the very, very least. We wrote a book about it as well. Yeah, it was foundational for how I live my life now, how I navigate change, how I approach my relationships. And not to say that I won't change again and I won't have other foundational times, but I just think it's such a biggie. You know, if you're going through it now in your late 20s, early 30s and you're nodding your head off I feel you and I see you it is neurologically astrologically a very very potent time it's an upheaval of what you thought you knew to be true it is an existential crisis of sorts you might be questioning everything you might be looking around at your life being like what who whose life is this I don't I don't feel aligned to any of this anymore.

3:10Lindsey Simcik:And I know it can be scary, but trust me, the fact that you are noticing that, recognizing that this is the beginning. This is exciting. There's so much opportunity when you lean into this. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but wow, there is just a big, big, big, big, big, big, beautiful life on the other side. So today I want to share some lessons that I learned doing the Almost 30 podcast, navigating my late 20s and early 30s, being in relationship with Krista during this time, interviewing hundreds and hundreds of incredible guests, their wisdom, kind of what I gleaned from that and just more generally kind of having so much of that information at the ready for me all the time.

4:01Lindsey Simcik:So let's begin. Let's let her rip. the first is related to intuition and that is that inner voice that inner intuitive voice does know best it does know best I wasn't always listening to it I didn't always know how to identify it but I have realized time and time again that that soft quiet but very consistent voice in the center of my being is always right. And it doesn't mean it's always literally right, but there is usually a direction, a nudge, a truth about that, that, ooh, I'm like, yeah, okay, should have listened to you. But the fact is that your intuition will whisper to you way before your life starts screaming at you to leave the relationship, to leave your job, to say yes to the opportunity, to have the hard conversation.

5:14Lindsey Simcik:I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the experience of staying in a relationship too long. I was doing that in my mid to late mid-20s, just staying too long for fear of, for fear that I would hurt someone, that I would make the wrong decision, that I would be just like messing up the rest of my life by, you know, leaving this person. I experienced this now in this season of motherhood. Intuition will increase in volume when you become a mom. That is for sure. But what is also loud and competing with it are the voices from the internet, are the voices of friends and family who have their own opinions and their own things to say and their own experiences.

6:09Lindsey Simcik:But my intuition is always right. And my intuition is connected to my child. It is like, it's not connected to anything, any other child on earth yet. It is connected to my child. So I have to trust it. And I have to know what that feeling is. How do I feel the click of that inner voice? How do I hear it? How do I sense it? How do I amplify it? And it's taken practice. But anytime I followed my intuition related to being a mother, I mean, I feel like the freaking Hulk. Like I just feel like the most powerful person ever because I just see up close how that decision, how that choice benefits my family and very specific ways that choosing something else would not.

7:09Lindsey Simcik:So yeah, it's been a huge, a huge unlock for me as I enter 40 in my 40s, where I know not to question my intuition. And, you know, at this point in my life, yes, I want to learn more. That's my personality. I love learning. I love, love, love. And also I want to hear myself more clearly even more. So rather than running to social media or chat GPT or the books that I have or the experts that I have on hand, let's tune into my own intuition first. And that's what I know. That's what I know to be the best path as I enter my forties. The second lesson that I learned from almost 30 as I enter my almost 40s, is that healing is not about becoming someone new.

8:09Lindsey Simcik:I think healing is about becoming more of who you are. And really, it's just a mindset shift. I think we can say, oh, it's like the same thing, sort of, kind of, whatever. But in my 20s, I remember feeling like, well, I have to transform into someone new in order for the person to like me enough to want to date me in order to be picked at my next audition or achieve next level of wealth in my life. Like I had to become someone new because clearly who I am in this moment isn't attracting those things. And this mindset shift just allowed me to see healing as more of remembering rather than fixing myself because the fixed energy is like something's wrong with you you're defective like just it felt very negative and heavy and the remembering just felt more like ah like I am it all is already there how can I peel back the layers how can I connect to my inner world so deeply that I know myself rather than having the world tell me who I am.

9:29Lindsey Simcik:In my late 20s, early 30s, and maybe thanks, no thanks to almost 30, it was like the best thing and also sometimes the most intense thing. I got into the self-improvement trap, the trap of always wanting to improve myself. There's always something to fix. There's always a ceremony to go to. There's always a therapy, a modality, a reading to get. There's always something to do, you know? And it became just like another achievement, another thing to do on the to-do list. And it got really tiring. And it also pulled me away from what was really, really important. So, yeah, I just, I want to remind you if you are in a season of healing, which is beautiful and so courageous of you, just reminding you that this is not about changing who you are.

10:27Lindsey Simcik:This is not about fixing you. This is about becoming more of who you are. This is about remembering. This is about unveiling more of who you are. As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished, and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realized that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week. It comes from consistency. So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Getter Bundle. Y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury. Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower.

11:03Lindsey Simcik:It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful. And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated, luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturian believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable. It's luxury you can use every single day and that's what creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase.

11:42Lindsey Simcik:That's naturium.com slash almost 30. Summer is always a funny time because I want to enjoy the burgers at the barbecue. I don't know about you, the breakfast bagel before a beach day. That's my thing. Uh, the pasta salad at a friend's house. But, um, I also want to make choices that support how I want to feel. I've realized I don't do well with the all or nothing approach anymore. That's just not me. That's why I've been loving hero bread. I was honestly shocked by how soft and fluffy and delicious everything is that they make. There's no stiff cardboard texture, just the bread, buns, tortillas, and bagels you actually crave.

12:21Lindsey Simcik:I've been using their tortillas for easy lunch wraps for myself, for my son. Their bagels when I need something quick and satisfying in the morning. And nutritionally, it's such an easy swap. Depending on the product, Hero has 0 to 5 grams of net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, and 11 to 32 grams of fiber, which is unbelievable. They even have noodles with 32 grams of fiber and 12 grams of protein. I'm obsessed with the noodles. So is my son and husband. So Hero Bread is offering 10 % off your order. Go to hero.co and use code A30POD at checkout. That's code A30POD at H-E-R-O dot C-O. I feel like that mindset shift going into my 40s is going to be so important in the energy of exploration that I have, you know, exploration of my relationship with my husband, of relationship with self, with my body, with my children.

13:16Lindsey Simcik:Like, show me more of who you are. Show me more of the truth of what this relationship is, of what this experience holds for me, rather than wanting to change it completely or fix it completely because that's not the point. Number three, relationships you choose determine the quality of your life. And I know it's corny. We say it, we know it, we've seen it on Instagram, seen a little quote, but I've learned this because of my relationship with Krista. And Krista and I have had many lives together as we've talked about on the podcast and our commitment to one another, to our relationship, to our individual growth, to the growth within our relationship has taught me how to be in relationship with other people that I value, myself, my husband, other friends, my family.

14:12Lindsey Simcik:It has served as a template from which I can kind of hold myself to a standard of like, no, we are always truthful and we are always honest. We ask for what we need. We are not afraid to be imperfect. We express our emotions. You know, we honor the change in one another when it is happening. We don't judge. Like, there's just so many aspects of our relationship that I just hold so dear and will always and will always and also especially going into a new decade just knowing that like I have the opportunity yet again to kind of like okay what do I how do I want my relationships to feel because it is true the quality of your relationships do impact the quality of your life it's everything um the older I get the less interested I become the less interested I become in like that quick chemistry with someone I can have that right and it's fun it's flirty and it's in a friendship way but like I I really value depth and consistency you know I don't need that quick hit all the time, the texting all day, the, oh, we always do fun things.

15:39Lindsey Simcik:It's like, can we go deep? Can we go light? Can we be attuned to one another in a really respectful, supportive way? Like that's kind of where I'm at with my relationships. And if, not to say that I won't have relationships that are a bit more surface because like they have their place too. But I'm just kind of doubling down on those that are deeper. And that's what's important to me as I head into my 40s. The fourth thing that I've learned in my 20s, the hard way that I'm going to take into my 40s is this idea that my body has always told me the truth. My body has always told me the truth about my relationships, about my decisions, about what is right for me and what is not right for me.

16:29Lindsey Simcik:My body is just, your body is this antenna. It picks up on things well before my brain does. And I think I had to learn the hard way. You know, in my late 20s, I was not listening to my body. My body would tell me things about people I was dating. I would, you know, my stomach would just like fall to the floor. I'd have knots in my stomach or my heart would race, like just around various people or behavior. And, you know, it was always right. It was always right. And it's cool to look back on that. I'm sad that I didn't listen to it at the time, but it was always telling me things. It would tell me when I was in a burnout season well before I actually cognitively realized that.

17:13Lindsey Simcik:I remember just doing the most in that season. I was teaching SoulCycle, teaching 15 times a week, physically exhausted mentally I had so much I put so much pressure on myself there were a lot of just like life stresses and my body was telling me to take a break or just at least pare down on what I was doing and I didn't listen my skin broke out I was holding on to extra weight like water weight stress I was experiencing like various pains in my body I would always pull my neck like every other week my back would hurt so my body was speaking you know and I think it's really one of our important lessons in life to listen to our body in those moments and I just had to learn like in moments where I felt like my body was betraying me I remember feeling that way with my skin where I was having cystic acne all over my face it was just like it just takes over your life it wasn't betraying me it was trying to communicate with me it was communicating with me about the relationships I was in the food I was eating the alcohol I was drinking about the inflammatory lifestyle choices I was making it was communicating with me about how I could speak my truth more I wasn't speaking my truth enough I was holding so much heat in my body from that that it was coming out in my skin.

18:41Lindsey Simcik:It was a fascinating study to look back on. But our body is always communicating. It is not betraying you. Number five, I feel like over the years, and I'm going to take this into my 40s and beyond, that ambition is different for me now. I have so many of my dear friends that are moving through pregnancy right now. I actually have three of my closest people in my life that are moving through pregnancy. And it's been so beautiful to see how intentional they've become about their body and the way they're choosing to support themselves, the way they're choosing to nourish themselves. Lindsay, as an example, she truly is like doing like eating sardines, eating like liver.

19:19And so seeing her use Ritual and just like support her body in the best way she knows how, it has shown me how powerful and how great of a brand Ritual is because I trust her so much. She's reading every label all the time. So you can really fully trust Ritual for your brand to support you in your journey of pregnancy. So they have this really powerful essential prenatal, which is clinically backed with prenatal vitamins with traceable ingredients like choline, folate, and omega-3. It's also non-GMO. It's vegan, it's gluten-free, and it's major allergen-free. And it's made without synthetic colorant.

19:54I also love that Ritual uses bioavailable nutrients designed for optimal absorption and designed for the capsule to be gentle on the stomach and easy to take, making it easier for people to stay consistent. Don't settle for less than evidence-based support. Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash almost 30. That's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 % off your first month. BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time, but one thing we don't always talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience. So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp.

20:29It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. It really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything. I would say meditation, therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. so you can look at the reviews if it's gonna be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of five based on 1.7 million client session reviews.

21:07And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions, you get matched with a therapist based on your needs, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You can see the reviews, what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you. Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30.

21:32Lindsey Simcik:And it might change again and again, depending on the season that I'm in, just depending on what my soul wants to do. But I think my old ambition was more generally like more, bigger, more success, more visibility, more achievement, more money. And not to say any of those things I don't want in this moment, but it's less of what I blatantly am after and thinking about every day I think there is some of those things have come as a byproduct of me prioritizing more aligned achievement and for me you know it's about how present can I be with my family how deep can I go with my family you know health, how can I focus on my health?

22:25Lindsey Simcik:And how can that make me better to show up for myself and my, my husband and my kids and my friends and my, my purpose? I really value freedom in the sense that, you know, I am someone who loves to kind of reinvent every, let's say seven years, let's call it a cycle. I like to just, I like to start anew. I like to think that I'm living many lives in this life. I like to think that I'm going to have many forms of expression and purpose in my life. And so the freedom to do that, you know, the freedom that I give myself, that I basically set myself up for is very important to me. And you know, my peace, like my inner peace, the peace around me is like something that's very important to me because life is going to life, it's going to get chaotic.

23:24Lindsey Simcik:I have, you know, at this point I have two kids and yeah, things are going to get crazy, but can I, can I work towards just as much of an inner peace as possible so that my outer world can reflect some of that even when it gets crazy? Can I maintain that? And I think for me, that's like success. That's achievement, you know? So I've just realized that a full life and a successful life, like a very traditional successful life, like we would see it on Instagram are two very different things for me. And so going into my forties and knowing that or hoping that life is very long. I don't want to put so much pressure on myself to achieve certain things like a certain amount of money or anything related to productivity or anything like that.

24:23Lindsey Simcik:That might happen, but I think what I really want to focus on is fulfillment, you know, every day and the big and small moments, like how can I just make sure that I am turning toward fulfillment rather than that temporary high that achievement gives? So we'll see how that goes. But that's what I'm taking into my forties. Number six, you know, this is related to the hundreds and hundreds of guests we've had on the Almost 30 podcast. We have almost 900 episodes and probably 900 by now. And what I've learned is that the more wisdom I have collected, the more important my discernment has become and has had to become.

25:22Lindsey Simcik:Yeah, I've gotten a lot of wisdom, a lot of information over the years. And it wasn't about listening to every expert and taking it as the ultimate truth. It was about listening and running it through my own filtration system, my intuitive system, and realizing what to take and what not to take, what to maybe modify for myself or not. and I think in the beginning I just pedestaled everyone I was like well they know more than me they're more intuitive they're smarter they're more studied they're more experienced which like might be true in some sense but no one is living and breathing my life and so we have to run it through our own system is this true for me you know it's just a simple question you can ask yourself, listen to the body, listen to that quiet inner voice, but is this true for me?

26:26Lindsey Simcik:And I think when we're getting so much information, and a lot of us are now on social media, watching the YouTubes, reading the books, all the things, we have to check in. We have to check in with ourselves. Is this true for me? And so what I realized too, which kind of has helped me to strengthen my own filtration system is like, you know, you can interview 10 experts on a topic, say like on a, on the topic of dating and you can get 10 different opinions or answers. And then you're confused. You're like, wait, but that kind of sounds right. And this sounds also pretty good. And, but then what is right?

27:10Lindsey Simcik:What, and again, you know, you have to run it through. your system. You have to understand the nuance of every situation. And you could take, you could basically build your own mosaic from wisdom that you collect from your life, from people, from Instagram, from books, from experiences. But you have to honor the ever-changing nature of who you are, who's around you, the circumstances, you know, the season of life you're moving through. it could really make what is being said applicable or not, you know, resonant or not. So I am less likely now at almost 40 to take something someone says as Bible.

27:58Lindsey Simcik:I am running it through my system. I might practice it, you know, a bit and see if it like feels true, feels right. But I will never become so hardcore with something unless I really kind of put it through the ringer. Because I just trust myself more now. I listen to that inner voice more now. And usually that inner voice says, ah, sure, but it's a little more nuanced than that. Let's kind of, let's pick it apart according to you and who you are and where you're at in your life. Number seven, I wish someone told me this. Maybe they did. I actually think they probably did. But there's no arrival.

28:41Lindsey Simcik:You know, I think that for some reason in your 20s, going into your 30s, you're like, okay, so at some point in my 30s, I'm going to arrive. You know, I'm going to land the job, be in the relationship, get like all these milestones checked off, and I'm going to arrive, and then I'm going to start living the rest of my life. And I think when I realized that there was no arrival, life became a lot more fun. Also, I just realized that every milestone was not like the arrival. I have so many of my dear friends that are moving through pregnancy right now. Actually, three of my closest people in my life that are moving through pregnancy.

29:22And it's been so beautiful to see how intentional they've become about their body and the way they're choosing to support themselves, the way they're choosing to nourish themselves. Lindsay, as an example, she truly is like doing like eating sardines, eating like liver. And so seeing her use Ritual and just like support her body in the best way she knows how, it has shown me how powerful and how great of a brand Ritual is because I trust her so much. She's reading every label all the time. So you can really fully trust Ritual for your brand to support you in your journey of pregnancy. So they have this really powerful essential prenatal, which is clinically backed with prenatal vitamins with traceable ingredients like choline, folate, and omega-3.

30:06It's also non-GMO. It's vegan. It's gluten-free, and it's major allergen-free. And it's made without synthetic colorant. I also love that Ritual uses bioavailable nutrients designed for optimal absorption and designed for the capsule to be gentle on the stomach and easy to take. making it easier for people to stay consistent. Don't settle for less than evidence-based support. Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash almost 30. That's ritual.com slash almost 30 for 25 % off your first month.

30:32Lindsey Simcik:BetterHelp. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys have heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time, but one thing we don't always talk about is just how many people genuinely love the experience. So if you're curious about therapy and you want to support yourself in your life, I highly suggest using BetterHelp. It just kind of breaks down the barrier of cost, of time, of availability. You can chat with your therapist on text. You can get in sessions super easily. Like it really makes it easy for you to take care of yourself. And I think therapy has been one of the things that has changed my life more than anything.

31:04I would say meditation, therapy, stopping drinking have been my things. The reviews of BetterHelp are updated every day. And it's great to hear from the people that say they love it and have actually used the service. so you can look at the reviews if it's gonna be helpful for you. And the average live therapy session actually has a 4.9 out of five based on 1.7 million client session reviews. And more than 6 million people have used BetterHelp globally. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, you answer a few questions, you get matched with a therapist based on your needs, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time.

31:37You can see the reviews, what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is a right fit for you. Use betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30. That's betterhelp.com slash almost 30.

31:50Lindsey Simcik:It was actually just the next doorway into the next chapter. And so it actually got me more excited and less, like less attached to the outcome and just excited about like the next open door that was going to present itself. And it also got me so much more comfortable with things being uncertain. So much was uncertain in my late 20s when I thought it should have been certain. And really life was just trying to get me comfortable with that feeling of uncertainty. And I actually love that feeling now. I was talking to my therapist the other day and I was like, you know what? I don't know. I feel like I'm in such an in-between.