902. You can want MORE: Your desire is CALLING you with Regena Thomashauer

43:47Okay. So you have, it could be like back and forth, side to side. It could be just letting your body feel that fear, all the feelings. And let's just go into Marilyn Manson and see if he has anything to give us. Get ready. Okay. Here we go. And then just let it go. All the fear, all the fucked up circumstances that haven't led to this dream. whatever the dream is just like and and just like bring it so good and then throw your whole body into it like over do it like

44:41okay we're gonna take a little pause okay now just with that quick and dirty little whatever anything open and feeling lighter it's just like a tiny bit lighter and feeling playful all we did was connect to the body and just let the fear and the rage and the feeling let it come out yeah instead of getting pressed inside of ourselves where yeah it's just like as you said it is like we can't carry it yeah we just can't carry it too much yeah all right then there's part two okay cool we're in part two part two is cool so for anyone listening you can basically put on a song that makes you want to rock and just moving the body in a way that moves the energy feels expressive and just brings the body into the conversation about what you're experiencing yeah and the and then part two of it of it is where you start to keep that feeling, that ragey, griefy, fear feeling.

45:45But now, now we're going to really celebrate. We're going to celebrate with the symbols. Yeah. Okay. And we're going to like pour a little turn on in there. Okay. Alright? Okay. I'm going to practice, try this. No, I don't like it. I don't like it. I liked the title of it. What was it? The title was called It's Already Mine. Oh, that's a good one. I know. It seems good, but it wasn't quite where I wanted it to be. Okay. All right. Here we go. Yeah. Okay. This is what I want us to do. Okay. Okay. So we're going to stay in there with the frustration. Okay.

46:32And with the fear. and we're going to add a little pussy to the mix. Meaning a little turn on. Meaning instead of just that, we're going to slow it down and give it some hips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Almost like we're making the longing hot. Okay, got it. Oh, yes. Okay, got it. Oh, yes. I can feel that desire. yes yes uh-huh yeah good girl give it a little hair flip yes yes yes yes yes okay great great like that that was like what 20 seconds that's great could you feel the the difference there yeah when i when i when i flipped the hair I said I'm coming home. Yeah, exactly. Because the erotic brings us home.

47:33It brings us right back into our bodies. Very true. And that's the place where we get to trust that everything that's ours is on its way to us. I also think with the erotic, I feel like that's like, I know I'm trusting when I'm in that space. Yeah. You know, like if I've, maybe this is the wrong thing, but if I've allowed myself to be erotic, I know it's okay and I know it's safe and I know that it's coming or I'm like, I'm trusting of something if I'm allowing myself to get into my body. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And the weird thing is, the one thing that we've been warned against like our whole lives as women is like, don't be erotic.

48:10Don't be sexy. Oh, I know. Don't be hot. No, it's... Don't be a slut. It's be so hot, but also like, don't be too hot. Yeah. And it's through that erotic that we come home to ourselves. It's absolutely nothing to do with another person. I know. It is not doing it for someone. I mean, we're just hanging out in your living room thing yeah room here we're just hanging out in a barn the work room yeah and and we're just like saying okay erotic pour in and show us and when the erotic pours in you realize well could you feel like i am so capable of everything yeah i feel so and different energy in my body i'm like oh wow i feel more awake yeah i feel like i'm like Even just flipping your head, I feel so much better.

48:55Yeah. So there's two threads that I'm going to give you the option to pull on. The one thread is what you learned being at a sex commune. And the other is one that we left a while ago, which was your on your knees moment. Oh, that's right. I want to tell you that one. I want to go inside that one. I think one of the ways I compensated for my trauma was I thought I will liberate others. And so I created a school in my living room when my daughter was born that I then scaled to tens of thousands of people. I do huge events. And I took so much of my identity from being Mama Gina and from being somebody that could help people.

49:42I think I like I felt so free when I was on stage and the place I didn't feel free was in my real life I still I had all that trauma inside of me and so where the book began begins is me standing in the wings of a Broadway theater where I am about to deliver a program called the School of arts mastery program there's a thousand women in the audience they are screaming they are they made this huge altar I'm about to be presented with roses from every class for the last 20 years like it's this big celebration and all I want is to not be there I have my daughter in the wings and she is struggling with an eating disorder I am so filled with grief and despair and uncertainty because I don't know what my life is going to be like because it's my last mastery.

50:42And so at that moment, I just fell to my knees because I knew that I, you know, I'd always learned go big or go home. And I knew it was time for me to go home. No more big. Wow. It was time for me to go home for myself and do that repair work from my past that I hadn't dealt with and help my daughter through the crisis of her life and deal with my family that was shredded. As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished, and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realized that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week.

51:24It comes from consistency. So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Getter Bundle. Y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury. Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower. It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful. And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturian believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable.

52:04It's luxury you can use every single day and that's what creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase. That's naturium.com slash almost 30. So living in Los Angeles, I have so much access to supplements, to all the things, but I remember over a year ago finding the absorption co and using their little packets. I use Restore, Energy, Calm, and Sleep all the time. And I remember really thinking about the brand and being like, this is a genius idea because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something.

52:44So for a supplement to actually work for you, your body needs to actually absorb it. And that's completely, for me, changed the way I think about my routine. The Absorption Co. is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption. Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body. One of the things that I use and really feel a difference in is their magnesium. It is my number one stunner of all supplements. And I've also added their berberine into my routine. This is for metabolism, blood sugar, and craving support.

53:20Most berberine actually doesn't absorb. It's like 1%. So I love that they're really focused on making significantly more bioavailable berberine. So start taking supplements your body can actually absorb. Go to absorbmore.com and enter code ALMOST30 at checkout for 35 % off your first order. That's absorbmore.com, enter code ALMOST30 and checkout for 35 % off your first order. And bring everybody back together again. There was so much for me to do as Regina. Yeah, right. yay not and it wasn't a moment for mama gina it was time for me to to turn my attention from out into the world and into my own healing my daughter's healing and healing my family and so it was it was just a terrifying moment for me because i had everything that i was was uh my identity was in being the one to change people's lives.

54:20And it was a very good identity. People really loved and people really, and it's interesting hearing right now, even you speak your energy shift into more. Like verge of tears. Yeah, into more just you as a person. You as a being outside of the doing and outside of the other and outside of that and just being like the tenderness to self of, wow, I also deserve this moment to take the woman that I know has done so much for so many can now do that for yourself and for your daughter and for your lineage yeah exactly thank you for saying that yeah because that's the way it felt and I I think I had always um got thought that my value was about what I could do for other people and I wanted I wanted to find the freedom that I felt on stage in my actual life yes I wanted to feel that confident and that powerful and that potent as a woman.

55:15And so I had to stop. I had to kind of give up. And I think there's many women that hit times in their lives where they have to stop careers they love or end relationships that they felt were their identity or move through financial crises or transitions that they couldn't have anticipated. And you have to find a part of yourself that you maybe never even wanted to connect with, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Do you, what did you end up doing? Did you go, I'm forgetting, did you go on stage? Like, did you break down after? Like, how did you sort of process that moment? And what was, what did you do next?

55:52Okay. I think like I got through that day. Yeah. And then really, uh, quickly there after I helped my daughter I helped my daughter She was able to evaluate different treatment programs to start the recovery, which she was deeply interested in recovering. She did not want to have... Which is rare. yeah I was very lucky with that because we met many people that didn't didn't have didn't have the motivation to heal yeah and I also recognize that oh this is not just Maggie it's not my daughter it's me yeah and there's repair work that I have to do there are things that I have to pay attention to there's my past that I have to take ownership of and parts of myself that I left by the wayside so both of us went on deep healing journeys kind of together and uh side by side and we went we like i i went we did um mdma together like a guided practice that was extremely helpful they've done so much work on that medicine as help individuals recover from ptsd um we I I did IFS therapy uh I did ayahuasca like I went I wanted to see if in this lifetime I could own every drop of the woman that I am and we did good she's off living in London at this time with her boyfriend and um I've kind of recreated my school so that it's not just the only thing I do but I have time to create friendships, connect with people, create community, write a new book.

57:56Be like a woman beyond the name. Yeah. You know, be like a truly just like full spectrum human. Yeah, that I could like be alone with myself and not panic. Totally. Yeah. Being, you know, so a lot of the work that I do is with women and, you know, I've had my own body journey. I work with a lot of women who've had disordered eating, eating disorders. Yeah. I've done certain trainings for that too. So it's, I'm versed. That is so cool. Yeah. It's like - What motivated you to do that? Because I think if you get stuck with the body, you're never gonna become who you wanna be. You'll never connect to something greater.

58:34And I think some of the most powerful women I know that have gone through body and eating stuff. I think it's such an access point for cutting yourself off from life and not living life. And I know what it's like to have that, part of you that is just like that passenger of eating counting calories movement yeah you know when you have that it's almost like an entity at times and it's just it's so true it is it's it's oh my god that is so well said you know one of the things that I learned when I was at um she ended up going to ERC in Denver which is a residential program god bless those people was so fantastic but there were some young women who um told me something so similar to what you said as I was there for like a week long yeah uh they invite the parents to come for weeks so you could learn how to support your child and the girls were uh saying you know when they are in their eating disorder or my daughter's in their eating disorder it's not your daughter it's a monster with your daughter's face and i was like it's like a possession whoa that is real yeah it really is it's like so in parts it would be a part but parts all work so i do parts work as well like ifs work oh you do me too i love my parts work i love parts it's so hard it's the best so so hard but um so they also say that sometimes parts can be like entities so sometimes it is like an entity that's true and i've been friends with women that have eating stuff and you can't have a true relationship with someone.

1:00:12You can't have a true romantic relationship. You can't live life when you have that. And I just see it so often with so many women that their life is waiting on the other side of that. And I just, it's really tough because, you know, there's also this term in therapy. I don't know if you remember it, but it's dystonic and syntonic or something. But basically eating disorders are hard because you don't want help. And so your daughter's different because she wanted help. Most people with depression or anxiety are like they want help they're like i need help help me but eating disorders are like i want to go as far away from help as i can because i want to stay with right this disordered eating and so it gets really challenging to to work with yeah and as you know with your work with the feminine and with our bodies like when you just hate your body and are disconnected from your body it is like the biggest disservice to your life oh my god you know like yeah you're never living in any pleasure with food with body if you're controlling with food you're controlling with life.

1:01:07It's just how you relate to your body and food says almost everything you need to know. And so being able to get over it, I'm sure is just, I'm so proud of your daughter. Yeah. You know, she was lucky because she was in an outpatient clinic with a young woman and they became friends. And the young woman one day confided in her and she said, you know what? I am going to take myself hi come say hi to me yeah hi hi um she said i am going to leave this outpatient clinic where they were there from nine to five or something during the day and she said i'm leaving and i'm going to residential and maggie was like why are you doing that that is so crazy like why and she said I'll tell you why I don't want my eating disorder my whole life I want to have a life and that entered my daughter's bloodstream and a few weeks later Maggie was like it's I'm so grateful to that young woman oh you know I'm sure you've had that in life gosh I've had that I think of them all the time those random moments where someone was doing absolutely nothing but saying the truth of how they felt and it just activated something in me yeah and changed my life completely like that was in she had no agenda with that to change her it's just this was deeply true for me and then it changed your daughter's life and so for you as a mother seeing that you know how were you processing that how were you working with that because I can imagine there was some yeah what came up you know I gave birth to Maggie and the school of womanly arts the same year and I was the breadwinner for us and divorced her dad when she was seven and so I'm raising my kid on one knee and I have my laptop on the other and she used to call me mommy.com that's which is funny thing I've ever heard tragical no it's literally yeah so real mommy.com is so amazing mommy.com okay so I no matter what I did yeah it was never enough I like I literally not a joke never enough like literally never enough there was no way I could be there for my business as fully as it wanted and needed me nor my daughter and remember because of the history in my family my family was quite fractured so she didn't have like a grandma or an aunt to run over and be held if I was being literally nutty with stress of how was I gonna scale my school support my kid she she you know I wanted to be able to send her to private school because she had dyslexia so I wanted her to have the best possible education I'm like oh my god I'm just a hippie chick that went to a sex company and like how do I scale this and get private school tuition like it was so much pressure for so long you know almost like we were in the middle of the ocean just holding each other and so it was not easy and honestly I think there were so many times where I thought how is this going to work out you know will she be able to find herself as a young woman and oh so you are mommy.coming you are doing it all but also not and you were saying you guys were like holding each other in the middle of the ocean yeah totally because you know we didn't have a the support system and also remember i'm doing something that is quite i would say cutting edge or edgy or outrageous yes you know where um people could for example when i would teach classes in the evening at i lived in a brownstone on west ada street and i just thought it was fun i would put rose petals on the steps of the brownstone as people came up to the stoop the students and 20 30 40 women would file into my living room for three hours do you know my neighbors thought i was running a whorehouse which I think is ridiculous because no men ever came yes it was just 30 or 40 women you're like I'm like dude and dudettes like where are the dudes you know there are no men here did they tell you that under your breath or did you hear them no I would get notes slipped under my door of like we know what's happening in this house and this is illegal and this is a residential neighborhood on the Upper West Side of New York City.

1:05:56You know, or I started to take pole dancing classes and I got really obsessed with it because it's such a good exercise. I had a pole in my living room so I could practice my spins just as a way of staying fit. And kids were not allowed to come over and play with Maggie because they were like, your mother has a stripper pole in the living room. I was like, oh my God. So Maggie had to deal with so many things that were maybe not what she might have liked. She might have liked something a little bit more traditional. Also, I ran my company in, like you do, in my house. So I had like women coming in to work all day.

1:06:40Sometimes they'd be wearing lingerie or, you know, sequins or as we prepared for events and whatever. So, and she, just her eyes would roll and she'd be like, mom. So funny. So I never thought I'd be living what I'm getting to live today, which is, she's going to introduce me at my book signing in New York City on August 25th. She's going to stand on stage and say, I want to introduce my mom, Mama Gina or Gina Tomashauer. Like Maggie's going to do that. Mommy.com. like mommy.com i want to introduce you to mommy.com i bet that's a gross really gross website if we really looked i bet it's so nasty i'll put some porn on that site it's worse than that foot website you're talking about did you grow up in a traditional household with like a mom that was home all the time or she worked so my mom worked okay my mom was home for i think the first two years and then she worked but i think and so i was raised by this woman that lived close to us her name was donna pretty much i love donna she's like oh my god yeah that's amazing yeah yeah did you have any like bitterness or heartache or you're just cool with donna no no i love donna dearly i still we still see her like every year at holidays we spend holidays but like i i felt i did feel disconnected from mom i did feel disconnected from dad i did feel not attuned to i didn't get enough physical contact physical intimacy yeah i did feel like i was always kind like figuring out how to keep the connection that's why i'm an interviewer because i'm really good at attunement asking questions like you know so i just became all of my gifts but you know and i know the mother dynamic is just so deep and so profound so you had your on the knees moment where you're like i need to really like strip down yeah and after having that going through this process with your daughter you discover the goddesses and you talk about the goddesses in the book too so walk us through this process where you're now like i'm committing to being a human and a full woman that's a mother that's a you know like a tender soul yeah from the point of this eating disorder journey where do we go next okay so for example how would the goddesses come into a woman's life which i pretty much think there's always a goddess circulating around us and we don't always know who and what she is but for example the story of me and maggie right the story of Demeter and her daughter Persephone now if you go way back to seventh grade when you studied mythology Demeter was the goddess of life and Persephone was her beautiful lovely daughter and they were just so close but one day Persephone disappears and Demeter can't find her anywhere and Demeter is searching the earth calling her name looking for literally wandering all over Greece looking for her daughter but she is bound up in this grief that is so profound and because she's the goddess of life life on earth starts to die and shrivel because the goddess of life is grieving and searching for her daughter.

1:10:04Now, if we advance the story a little bit, Persephone was taken by Hades, who was the god of the underworld, because she was so beautiful, he wanted her as his wife. And so he just sucked her down into the underworld, which is kind of like that eating disorder. Yes. You described it as an entity, kind of like Maggie got sucked into Hades. And I was willing to do, just like Demeter, I was going to do whatever the fuck it took to get my daughter back. I was going to stop at nothing. I was going to, one thing that Maggie would always say to me, you know, kind of similar to your story, she was like, I just don't feel your love.

1:10:52and I would say I'm going to do everything I can in my power to figure out what will make you feel my love because I love you and so it was like that journey that Demeter took to find her daughter and here's the crazy part you know how I'm the the pussy queen so what awakens Demeter to be able to find Persephone. She's wandering. She's crying. The earth is dying. She wanders into some little town, and there's an inn, so she goes into the inn to spend the night, and a goddess named Balbo is witnessing her. Okay, you had enough out there. You're back. So the goddess named Balbo is witnessing all this, and she pretends to be a maid, and she brings a bowl of soup, into Demeter's room.

1:11:48And she says, here you go, here's some dinner. And Demeter's like, I can't eat, I'm in grief. And so Balbo starts to tell her lewd and bawdy jokes. Catch this, Balbo flashes her pussy at Demeter. Stop. Seriously. This was a Greek myth? This happens in a Greek myth. So it's exactly that move that you and I made, the on our knees move, where you're pouring the erotic into the grief storyline, but you're awakening that part of the feminine that knows that it is not just death. There's rebirth follows death. And there's death, and then there's rebirth of all the time in the life cycle. We're always going through that, just like every month.

1:12:36We bleed, we ovulate, we menstruate. The cycle continues. We're cyclical beings. And so as soon as Balbo flashed her pussy at Demeter, Demeter, like, awakened. And she was laughed. And from that place, she realized, it's Hades has my daughter. And I am going to descend into Hades and get my daughter back. Wow. And you did that yourself. You did your own descent. I did. Yeah, I went. But, you know, just like Persephone had a choice, she could come back or not. In Persephone's case, she came back six months a year, and that's why there's spring and winter and so forth. And in my daughter's case, it would never have been me that made that decision.

1:13:25She came back of her own volition. And so, but once that erotic is installed in the female body, evolution is possible in a life and without it we just stay stuck in that grief or we stay stuck in that hopelessness or we stay on our knees our entire lives instead of recognizing that yeah sometimes you just get thrown to your knees and then you have a really good cry and then you send half-naked selfies of yourself to your girlfriend from the bathroom floor where you're just crying from it's just that's what women are my sister's my i'll send her the pictures like i'm like hey does my butt look juicy in this she'll send me a peach if yes she'll be like yeah looks good we got that i saw in there there was two goddesses i wanted to ask you about lilith and psyche oh yeah can we do lilith first because i think people all i've heard people you know have a lot of curiosity of lilith yeah okay lilith is really cool she is feared amongst patriarchal religions and world cultures.

1:14:32She's considered to be like the demon, the devil, the wild child. And what she represents is a woman's erotic aliveness. So the story where the story is that the story of Adam and Eve and Adam and Eve. Well, there was before Eve, Adam was just by himself. And so God wanted him to have a partner and Lilith appeared. And Adam said, great. You're inferior to me, though. And you're going to lie beneath me. And I'm going to lie on top of you. And she was like, hmm, don't like the offer. I don't think so. That's not how this relationship is going to go. We're equals or I'm out of here. And he was like, no, you lie beneath me.

1:15:24and she was like, see ya. And so to me, Lilith represents that erotic aliveness that gives a woman a sense of centeredness, of confidence, of power, of knowing that she is enough. She doesn't have to compromise to be in a relationship. She can be in the fullness of herself. She doesn't have to shrink or moderate her sensuality or her sexuality. She can have the fullness of that. As we move into summer, I always want my skin to feel healthy, nourished, and glowy. I'm a glow girl. I want it shiny. I want a glazed donut. But I realize that glow doesn't come from chasing new products every single week.

1:16:11It comes from consistency. So lately I've been using Naturium and their Glow Getter Bundle. y 'all, I have to recommend this to you because it honestly made my body care routine feel like such a luxury. Okay. The multi-oil body wash, I put it in my shower. It transforms from this rich oil into a soft lather that is just incredible for your skin. The body scrub, y 'all, it leaves my skin radiant, smooth, beautiful. And the body oil paired with the body butter gives that hydrated, luminous look that's perfect for summer. I show off my belly and it's just like nice and glowy and amazing. So Naturium believes skincare should be clinically effective, skin compatible, and affordable.

1:16:51It's luxury you can use every single day, and that's what creates real consistency. I'm excited for you. So give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to naturium.com slash almost 30 for 10 % off your first purchase. That's naturium.com slash almost 30. So living in Los Angeles, I have so much access to supplements, to all the thing, But I remember over a year ago finding the Absorption Co. and using their little packets. I use Restore, Energy, Calm, and Sleep all the time. And I remember really thinking about the brand and being like, this is a genius idea. Because no one really asks about absorption of a supplement before buying something.

1:17:30So for a supplement to actually work for you, your body needs to actually absorb it. And that's completely, for me, changed the way I think about my routine. The Absorption Co. is so great because they're focused on solving the biggest problem in supplements, which is low absorption. Most supplements absorb at less than 16%. So much of what we're actually taking never gets used by our body. One of the things that I use and really feel a difference in is their magnesium. It is my number one stunner of all supplements. And I've also added their berberine into my routine. This is for metabolism, blood sugar, and craving support.

1:18:07Most berberine actually doesn't absorb. it's like one percent so i love that they're really focused on making significantly more bioavailable berberine so start taking supplements your body can actually absorb go to absorbmore.com and enter code almost 30 at checkout for 35 off your first order that's absorbmore.com enter code almost 30 and check out for 35 off your first order not in a way that's overt or harmful or destructive but in a way that fully expresses you know because every woman has a lilith we have we're like we like our slutty parts it's so much fun to play with that slutty aliveness like with yourself or with your girlfriends or when you're on the dance floor at a dance club like who doesn't want that or you or that's the part you want to bring to your lover or your partner like it makes life fun and rich and full so um i mean i have left relationships because my lilith or that slutty part of myself didn't have enough space to breathe and you know if you're with a guy that's just like either too dommy or too nice guy there's no space for lilith you have to have somebody who really is so confident that it can make room for the fullness of the woman that you are yeah I've heard so many different things and it's like there's such a mystique around Lilith yeah you know is she scary to you did you hear about her and learn about her in a in a more fearful way no I I um I think I've heard about her in both ways but I've been able to metabolize like the way in which certain people view her as negative but that's not true you know what I mean So I haven't ever had fear, but I've always had just like a curiosity because she's come up quite a bit in just my life.

1:20:02You know, sometimes people, it'll come in like that darkness. I also saw in the book Psyche. What's Psyche? Is that Psyche? Is that how you say it? Psyche. Yeah. Oh, God. Psyche. She's a cool one. Oh, my God. Isn't Psyche. Psyche is cool. I was like, oh, Psyche is cool. I actually highlighted a lot from that one. What did you love about her? So I loved. Let me find the part. There was a lot of highlighting on Lilith. It says in here, I love the goddess of the hell, yes, surrender is Psyche. And then the beginning of this chapter, fucking up gloriously. Yeah. I just loved that title for the chapter.

1:20:37Like, so Psyche is my girl. She is the goddess of every woman who learns the hard way. Yes. By doubting, by peeking, by spilling the oil, by blowing up the things she loves, and then having to clean up the cosmic mess. She is the patron saint of, oh shit, I did that. And she's the only guide worthy of this chapter because she understands what I learned through every spectacular detonation of my own life. The heartbreaks, the humiliations, the lovers who cracked me open, the risks that made no sense, and the portals I walked through anyways. Psyche doesn't grow through perfection. She grows through collapse, through curiosity, through touching the wound, lighting the lamp, and watching the whole thing go up in smoke.

1:21:14Yay. Like. We love her. I love her. Tell me about her and your life. Okay. So. God, what? it i mean just because so many women are afraid to fuck up or mess up yeah so many women are afraid to do wrong so many myself included you know i have to metabolize disappointment like i disappointed three people last week and i was like this is good it's okay this is a good thing it's okay to disappoint people but um so to have the opportunity and the freedom to be like going to the possibility going to the fear going to you know the ownership of yourself as a human is just so stunning. Yes, okay. And also, women, because of this disconnection from our pussy and disconnection from our power, we think that when we fuck up, the story is over.

1:22:02Yes. And the story is never over. And Psyche is such a model of that. Because what happened was, she is very beautiful and Aphrodite basically hates her because Aphrodite likes to be the most beautiful one. You know, here's the cool thing about goddesses. They are like women. Yeah, I was going to say they're very human. Yeah, they are. And, you know, so she's jealous of Psyche. So she decides that she's going to make Psyche fall in love with a pig like a swine. And she has the whole plan. And she gets her son, whose name is Eros or Cupid. and she's like go drop some of these little love drops into psyche's food while she's in the presence of a pig because then she'll fall in love with a pig and then everyone will make fun of her for her whole entire life is going to be amazing so iris tries to do what his mother wants and he's like going and he sees psyche and sometimes somehow he pricks his finger and the love drops fall into him oh so he falls in love with psyche and he's like so in love with psyche he must have her and so he sweeps her up and he takes her to his castle in the sky and they live in ecstatic bliss because like can you imagine having like a gorgeous god be your lover sounds great it would be incredible but meanwhile psyche has sisters say to her how do you know you know that he's not some weirdo or some random monster that could happen and so you need 2026 you need to light a lamp at night and see who's in bed with you and she's like no he told me not to he only comes at night he leaves during the day he says i can't see him because he can't be seen and they're like no you need to find out so she lights the lamp some drops of hot oil fall on her hot husband she sees that he's an actual god no joke and she's like he's stunning i'm the luckiest woman ever but he wakes up and he's offended that psyche did not stay true to the vows yeah so he flies off and leaves her and abandons her and she is bereft because she lost her god all right this is how brave psyche is it's how brave women are she goes to aphrodite and she's like i will do anything give me any any task no matter how great i will get him back please and so aphrodite gives her an impossible task an entire barn filled with like millet, wheat, and I don't know, some other kind of grain.

1:24:57Completely everywhere, intermingled. It's a goddamn mess. And Aphrodite says, by morning, you need to have each of these sorted in bins. The wheat is here, the millet is here, the poppy seed's there, and it has to be precision organized, and you have one night to do it. And she's just like dying. She knows she can't do it but she says there has to be some way that i could get this done so i could have my husband back and then all the birds come and they help her sort the grains okay so the thing i like about this story and it goes on and on from here is that she's willing to trust her desires enough enough that even if she can't see the way that there will possibly there just might possibly be some way that she could get this task accomplished so that she could perhaps be reunited with this man that she's fallen so deeply in love with and I think that's the potency of goddesses aside from the fact that they're very human and they have resentments and jealousies and so forth but that there's a deep trust in that a woman's desire is a powerful force and that there is always a way and that's why I wanted to put all these 10 goddesses in this book because I think we might not get as much inspiration as women from people like Moses or Abraham or those guys as we get from stories like Psyche, who would never give up, even when it was beyond her human abilities, to continue to try to reunite with, in this case, a man she longed for.

1:26:44But in other cases, it could be something else that you long for, and that you're willing to trust that there's always going to be a way. And that's what the stories of the goddesses give us. And by the way, fast forward there were two more literally impossible tasks that Psyche had to accomplish and that she eventually did get reunited with Eros. Wow. And Eros took her back. And Eros took her back. Because he saw oh wow this woman really really really loves me. Okay maybe she made one mistake but she really But he still could only hang out at night? No once okay it was actually like a great ending because what What happened was, well, all right.

1:27:28She then has to get the golden fleece from the killer rams. That was hard because they could kill her. But I think it was the birds taught her how to do that. They helped her pick up the golden ram fur from. The birds are really coming through on this. It was like the birds. I can't. Maybe it wasn't the birds. It was some kind of animal that helped her with that one. And then the final task was she had to go literally go to hell, to Hades, and like cross the river Styx and all this stuff to get beauty cream from um uh for it was beauty cream from some goddess who lives who was dead who lived in the kids would say she was being kind of pick me yeah it was it was really an important goddess i really wish i could remember her name but i can't no it's okay was it persephone maybe it was persephone uh-huh yeah so but so she couldn't make it back she kind of blew it and she stumbled on her way back and she messed up the spell and so she died but at this point eros is so impressed with her that she's willing to go to the mat for him that he brings he asks zeus if he can bring her back to life and she becomes a god and then they have a baby who's the baby she was called voluptuous oh yeah so they had a little baby girl that was voluptuous yeah that was voluptuous oh wow they're like she's gonna be super thick yeah she's super curvy exactly she's gonna be so let's name all the goddesses in the book that people can expect so we have psyche we have lilith we have pachamama uh-huh we have inanna uh-huh we have freya freya we have amaterasu and amanozumi we have demeter and persephone um there's 10 of them wow and and i do want to say just like i couldn't put hundreds of goddesses in there and there are hundreds of really cool ones oh one of my favorites was inanna inanna i saw that chapter too inanna oh like the awesome because that's ultimately what i was doing when i left the mastery stage is i was like going into my own underworld yes of like giving up everything that I thought was valuable to go deep into my own unconscious where you she had to with every stage that she descended she had to give up her crown her breastplate her earrings her bracelets eventually her clothing wow and I think those stories are so important because sometimes we as women we go through long periods where we've lost our way yes or we're going through a depression or an evolution or we're shedding one's skin or we're owning a darkness that we didn't even maybe want to own or know about but then when we know oh and nana like the queen of samaria yes chose to go into her underworld of her own volition so she could own her unfolding self then we're like oh okay that's cool i could do if anana could do it if anana can do it no Well, in the book, you said too that Psyche had gone into the underworld for love.

1:30:40Yeah. And Inanna did it for self-sovereignty. Yes. And so yours was part of that sovereignty. You really read my book. So good. I'm so grateful. Yeah, it's very, I mean, I don't read, I get so many. I bet. And it just like has such a frequency and such a truth. And so kind of coming to the close of your journey, and I know the healing's never done, you know, how long would you say your process was? and how do you think you've shaped or changed since you really made that commitment to heal? Oh my goodness. I think probably, all right, this is a simple thing, but I can sleep through the night. Oh, wow.

1:31:17You know, that's a big deal. Oh, so many people don't sleep. I know. I'm like, we gotta slow it down and check out what's going on. Yeah, and so because I've healed the trauma and of course I still have my IFS therapist and I still am always doing the work and learning and owning more parts of myself. But I am like celebrating my Lilith. I am celebrating my Anon. I am proud that I went to the darkness. I am proud that I went to the mat for my kid. I am proud that I am so devoted to my erotic expansion and continue to be. Like I'm not giving up my sexy, you know, and many women think we have to, you know, but it's continuing to remain in connection.

1:32:11I feel like I am so much more, I think, just grateful, just like deeply grateful for the life that I have been privileged to live, for the opportunity of connecting with you right now in sisterhood and sharing our stories. And, you know, that we get to open doors for one another in so many ways. so I think I I've I'm grateful to be the woman I am instead of the yeah how I can be of service to other people I can live well with myself I think I'm fun I'm kind of cute and fun incredible yeah yeah it's like it's like a there's this part and then there's also this this part yeah like the the true sense of self part and um god what a beautiful thing and I'm just even clocking you know my knowing of you and your journey and just like knowing how loved you are and how vivacious and vital and how what an expander you are for so many and then just being able to sit with you at like an even deeper place yeah it's just such a gift you know it's such a it's just so great because I would have met you before I'm like wow but this is just a different full version you know that's just so special oh thank you for saying that so who is this um book for like what kind of woman is this book for?

1:33:38What kind of person? Okay, I feel like we live in a world of women who are in brace mode, maybe feel so stressed, and there is no end to that stress, who are struggling, who are stuck, who are stuck in a grief that they can't climb out of, or desires that they haven't been able to launch or live, or a sense of hopelessness or depression that they that somehow they haven't been able to meet or overcome it's for a woman who's lost her way that's one category of woman and another category of woman is a woman who wants to learn how to celebrate every single key on the piano of what it means to be a woman who wants to be loud and proud about her darkness about her light about her wildness about her aggressiveness about her strong business powerhouse self and about that delicate little flower that just wants to be held and loved who wants to live that full range with freedom and pride it's for that woman beautiful babe it's such a incredible book you feel so proud you said you said earlier it was like your heart on a plate oh god it's i feel so it's i'm so vulnerable about this book because it's it's not uh it's so different from my other ones it's it's about collapse yes and uh and meeting myself there yeah and i don't know if there's any other way to meet yourself really except in those moments and thank you so much for inviting me to do this with you i'm so grateful me too this was such a beautiful convo this was such a uh gift for me i just um yeah i'm very grateful that i just get you know i'm just sometimes in my life and i'm like and then i have an experience like you coming into the door and we just have this beautiful conversation and this like yeah i'm just i'm so lucky to be do what i do and meet women like you and be sitting with you it's just such a gift for me and the book is incredible so the book is on your knees and it is out now the other book is called pussy and i'm gonna get it too yeah we have to get that one for you we need to get me reading and then and then we'll keep in touch and we'll just keep expanding this because i i know you are on your way to getting every drop of everything you long for and it's such a vulnerable place when we have a desire and it hasn't come through yet you know it's like we're like oh i know and and you need women to stand for you and say, I so see this for you.

1:36:24So I see this for you. Yes, you're my second. Terry was speaking into me too. Oh, good, good, good. You got two powerhouses. Two like women that are like, like are like I'm speaking into you and I'm like, and it's so funny because it was like during a wobbly day and I'm like. How does this even happen? It's just, it's crazy. Every time and every time I feel a little bit like, I feel a little bad. I was like doubting, you know, I'm like, I'm sorry about that. Oh, I love you. Thank you for coming and being on Almost 30. Thank you. I love you too. And I'm so grateful to be here. Bye guys. Thank you so much, Mama Gina, for coming on the show.

1:36:59Really appreciate it. Highly suggest you send this to a friend, bring this in conversation with the women in your life. It's so fun to chat about stuff like this and explore these types of topics, especially if you're spiritually curious or personal growth inclined. I would love if you subscribe to Almost 30, found us on Instagram, Almost 30 Podcast. We also have Morning Microdose, which is the best of Almost 30. It's like a greatest hits. And then we're on YouTube. So make sure to subscribe on YouTube. I will see you soon on the next one. Almost 30. We're out two days a week. I love you. Goodbye.