908. Postpartum update part 2: The gift of losing parts of yourself in motherhood

0:00Lindsey Simcik:It is such an investment. It's a lot of money, not gonna lie. We also have a night nurse right now. We've had her since the night I came home with Lenny. She comes from 7 to 7. Right now it's Monday through Friday. I'm super blessed that we can invest in this as a family. I know not everyone can. She's teaching me how to move with Lenny as she evolves and changes, especially related to sleep. I do have some anxieties around sleep and babies. I had to get really specific with her about this change, this transition to two children. You develop a really, really solid communication agreement with them where you are communicating a lot every single day.

0:38Lindsey Simcik:Expectations, what's the plan? They are part of your family system in a way. And so you need to treat them like a family member. Hello, everyone. It's Linz. Welcome to another solo episode. This is part two of the catch-up postpartum. I am back. I am now a mom of two. I just had my daughter Lennox. We call her Lenny. And life is full, y 'all. It is full and beautiful and different and intense at times. And I wanted to just break down where I'm at, how we're doing. So in part one, which if you haven't listened, I recommend you go back and listen to. I talked about the shift from one to two, what that's actually been like and felt like for me, what surprised me about it.

1:35Lindsey Simcik:I talk about how I'm doing physically, how I'm doing mentally and emotionally. I talk about how this change has affected Mav and how he's doing. I also talk about just, you know, the difference in having like a baby girl versus my baby boy. There is a difference. So go back and listen to that one if you haven't, but you don't have to listen to it to listen to this one. This episode, I want to talk about my relationship with my husband, how we're doing as a married couple, from my perspective, as always, as you know me, you know, so much of that remains private. I think I want to give kind of a high level and like my work in it.

2:21Lindsey Simcik:I want to talk about child care and help, what that's looked like, what I feel like is working and not working, what has actually helped me and what's surprisingly not helped. And I want to talk about identity in this episode. I find myself in an interesting place as it relates to my identity and my work in the world and creativity. And so I'll update you there. So I do want to like shout out a brand that we are working with, but I have been using well before this partnership came to be just recently. And I was so excited. They reached out because I was like, I use this. It's changed my life. This is the Eufy Breast Pump S2 Pro.

3:05Lindsey Simcik:She's gorgeous. Showing you on camera. If you're watching on video on YouTube, I won't do a demo here. I'll spare you that. But I brought them here because I was pumping in between recording. I got my girl at home and I got to make sure that we're catching milk in between, but this product in particular could be a good option for some people. I think it is like the best of the best out there and why. Okay. So I didn't know this with my first child. There are certain aspects of what a baby on the boob does that stimulate milk production and let down and flow. And I was blown away with the features of the Eufy S2 Pro.

3:44Lindsey Simcik:I was like, wait, what? So one of them is heat flow. Okay. So when a baby is next to the boob, they're providing heat around the boob. Like this is a biological process and it is stimulating the milk flow. So the heat of the baby and your body, it's incredible. So this pump actually has this beautiful warmth that goes all the way around, not just in one spot, but all the way around. And it works. It is incredible, incredible, incredible. So like the flow just, it stimulates it more freely. It helps to dilate your milk ducts. It's a game changer. Okay. Second, the rhythm. So babies have a very specific biological rhythm when they're suckling at the boob.

4:32Lindsey Simcik:And this mimics that. Other pumps I've used, it's just kind of like a pump. It's kind of like blah, blah, blah. But this actually mimics the rhythm. And so the body just responds beautifully. It's a very specific massage pattern that just tells the body, okay, time to produce more milk, time to produce the oxytocin to stimulate the letdown. So it's really incredible. Again, a standard pump does neither of those things. So major, major difference here with the Eufy S2 Pro. Also, I wanted to shout out, it has like a light that basically has this like you can see all the way through. It's like a clear, clear little portal where your nipple goes.

5:13Lindsey Simcik:I need to see where the nipple is going in the middle of the night. Like with a lot of other pumps, I can't see. I'm guessing it hurts. So this light is just fabulous. And also you can control everything from an app. Like I thought I didn't need another app, but I do. This app is incredible. It will track how much milk you get over time and at each feeding. You can control it from the app. So whatever setting you want it on for that session, it will give you recommendations. It is phenomenal. Okay, this is a device I recommend whether you want to build a supply or maybe just have a couple bottles for people to feed your babe and give you a break.

5:55Lindsey Simcik:Maybe your child is having trouble latching and bottles are better and you need to exclusively pump. This is incredible. I want to just say that I didn't realize how hard it would be to figure out pumping with two kids. Because before the Eufy, I was trying to figure out how I could both entertain my toddler, like carry around a pump, but then also tend to the baby. It was logistically impossible for me. And so to have these wearables where I can walk around, I can do my thing, I can record here. So I would just say this pump for me is effortless. It's incredible. This is less on my mind, less on my body.

6:37Lindsey Simcik:It's actually working with my body, not against it. I highly recommend shouting out the Eufy. Here we go. In this cute little carrying case, the Eufy Breast Pump S2 Pro. Highly recommend. There you have it. one of the most critical parts of my breastfeeding journey. So you can get the S2 Pro from Eufy for 15 % off when you go to either Amazon or the Eufy official website. Use code AM30EUFY, A-M-3-0-E-U-F-Y. That's for 15 % off on both Amazon and the Eufy official website. Okay. Let's get into part two and let's begin with, uh, childcare. care. What is that infrastructure happening in my household?

7:24Lindsey Simcik:Um, I think it can be easy to assume that when you see people on Instagram, say, or Tik TOK or whatever, YouTube channels that like, they have it all figured out how to wrangle three kids and how to keep all the schedules and, um, you know, how to feed them all, put them all to bed. Like, and some might, some might, do it all on their own and have it figured out and have it down to a science. I do not yet. I do not at all yet. And what I've realized as a mom is I, one, need to own my own version of motherhood because I've like robbed myself of loving the experience because I'm comparing myself to say my own mom who didn't have help.

8:16Lindsey Simcik:She raised four kids. She did it. She did a great job. Comparing myself and thinking, why am I losing my mind with two kids and I do have help? So not comparing, but also embracing help, whether it's from family, friends, nanny, any form of child care night nurse okay so i have been using the real real for years on the down low i feel like i haven't told you guys but i love to get some really fantastic pieces that i will have forever and i just love the thrill of finding something amazing that you would never pay full price for so i have found some really good pieces on there and i'm also constantly scrolling the new arrivals because there are so many good finds so basically the real real has over 10 ,000 new arrivals every single day from brands like Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Fendi, and more, often up to 90 % off retail.

9:14And because everything goes through their rigorous authentication process, you can actually feel good about what you are buying. The RealReal is the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale. With over 10 ,000 new arrivals daily, no one does resale like the RealReal. And now you will get$25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com slash almost 30. That's therealreal.com slash almost 30 to get your $25 off. Start shopping now at therealreal.com slash almost 30. This episode is sponsored by

9:47Lindsey Simcik:BetterHelp, which is in a season where I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time, but I've realized that it is less about fixing everything in those moments of overwhelm. And it's more about just being aware of the feeling, of being present to the feeling. And oftentimes that reduces feeling by quite a bit. I also know that having support is integral. I am in therapy. I've been in therapy for years and at BetterHelp, they have an incredible array of therapists to support you through any type of overwhelm you might be moving through. It is so easy. You just take a quick survey and they match you with a licensed therapist.

10:28Lindsey Simcik:They have thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. And people are really changing their lives by really prioritizing their inner world, their inner life and well-being. And life can be overwhelming, but we don't have to be taken down by the overwhelm. So sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash almost 30. I cannot do this alone. I shouldn't do this alone. and the infrastructure that my husband and I create around this care for our children is very specific to us, our family system, what we need on a literal physical level and on a soul level. So drop the judgment around what your care looks like and just really lean into what you feel would make you the best parent, the best partner, the best person.

11:31Lindsey Simcik:And that for me is having our nanny. So we have our nanny, Nicole. We've had her since Matt was six weeks old. Didn't intend to have someone that early, but we were writing our book and I needed support early on. We've had her since then. She's incredible. She's a part of our family. And I, yeah, had to get really specific with her about kind of this change, this transition to two children. She is experienced with two kids. She was with a family for a long time who had two kids. So I didn't worry about that. But I had to get clear with her about like, you know, my expectations and the uncertainty of and how we would have to kind of flow together and be in the moment sometimes and communicate.

12:21Lindsey Simcik:And so I think it's really important that whoever, if you do have child care in this way, this kind of one-on-one child care, that you develop a really, really solid communication agreement with them where you are communicating a lot every single day, expectations, what's the plan. If this happens, what do we do? You have to be flexible. Yeah, there's so much. They are part of your family system in a way. And so you need to treat them like a family member. And in my family, we communicate. We have to communicate as clearly as possible. So that's been really, really important. But that really allows me, when I have support like that consistently every single week, Monday through Friday, we have her, um, Monday through Thursday is eight to six.

13:15Lindsey Simcik:And on Friday it is eight to four. And this allows me to kind of pull up and out of the weeds a little bit where I know when she comes, you know, I can either give Lenny to her and I can have time with Mav. Um, or we can like double team get, getting him ready for the day ahead and I could just strap Lenny on while she naps. Like it just pulls me up and out of the weeds of the chaos. I'm super blessed that we can, um, invest in this as a family. I know not everyone can. Um, but there's also family that could come help or friends. There is, you know, the daycare option, neighbors. There are ways to get creative about child care, but this is just what works for us.

14:10Lindsey Simcik:We also have a night nurse right now. We've had her since the night I came home with Lenny. It's the same night nurse that we had with Mav, which is so special. So she gets to see Mav at this age too. She comes from seven to seven. Right now it's Monday through Friday. We'll reduce that over time. And it's phenomenal, everybody. It is such an investment. It's a lot of money, not going to lie. But it is worth it. I am able to get rest. Again, I'm still feeding in the night, but I get much more rest when she is there. She's also helping me. She teaches me a lot about, you know, okay, I'm noticing this with Lenny.

14:51Lindsey Simcik:And, you know, maybe, you know, when she wakes up, she's not immediately hungry, but she has gas. Maybe let her work it out, rub her belly. Like she's teaching me how to kind of move with Lenny as she evolves and changes, especially related to sleep. Because I do have some anxieties around sleep and babies because that was a challenge. So I find it to be not only supportive and getting me more rest, but I'm learning a lot. and again she's like a part of the family so when she comes over at 7 p.m it's like Anika we love you like what's up Mav gives her a hug and you know I know that Lenny is taken care of so then I can focus on Mav's bedtime bath time all the things that happen so quickly like after Anika gets there and I can really fill his cup with that then at nine I'm feeding Lenny like mommy doesn't get much time to herself, but at least I have someone there at most hours of the day to support the flow through the day.

16:02Lindsey Simcik:And I'm so grateful for that. And this is something again that my husband and I literally budget for. We invest in, we know it's going to be a lot, but it is worth it to us. It's temporary as far as the night nurse goes. And, um, it just helps us to be better, better for our kids, better for each other, better for ourselves. So those are choices that we have made. As far as family goes, we do have family nearby, which is such a blessing. I know not everyone has that. My parents are an hour and a half away. Sean's mom is like an hour away. And they both, both parents have been super involved coming in, I would say average every two weeks at least, which has been just so nice, whether it's to spend time with Mav or, you know, to take Lenny so I can spend time with Mav.

16:50Lindsey Simcik:Like we're just working so well with the family. I'm really, I'm really grateful. And I just feel like this second time around, I'm so much less concerned. I'm so much less concerned about micromanaging everybody and like being controlling about how they're doing things. You know, I have my preferences and I'm not afraid to express those. But, you know, if someone's doing something with the baby that I wouldn't normally do and it's like a one-time thing or once every few week thing, I'm like, sure, burp her that way. I don't care. Unless it's like not good for her, but like usually it's fine. So I'm just a bit more relaxed.

17:33Lindsey Simcik:I'm more confident and that feels good around family. It feels good to like invite the family in to be a part of this season of our lives and be like very deeply woven into, you know, our parents. I see them like kind of connecting more with their younger side when they come and spend time with the kids, which people have talked about, you know, your grandchildren will keep you young. And I really believe that. it brings joy it brings you know an energy a vibrancy to their lives and so I want them to be a part of it as much as they want to I am not someone who's like you need to ask me to come you need like we can't have our have our in-laws or our family here all the time like I don't know how long everyone's going to be around for right like it's a little morbid but I'm Okay, so I have been using the RealReal for years on the down low.

18:34I feel like I haven't told you guys, but I love to get some really fantastic pieces that I will have forever. And I just love the thrill of finding something amazing that you would never pay full price for. So I have found some really good pieces on there. And I'm also constantly scrolling the new arrivals because there are so many good finds. So basically the RealReal has over 10 ,000 new arrivals every single day from brands like Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Fendi, and more. often up to 90 % off retail. And because everything goes through their rigorous authentication process, you can actually feel good about what you are buying.

19:10The RealReal is the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale. With over 10 ,000 new arrivals daily, no one does resale like The RealReal. And now you will get$25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com slash almost 30. That's therealreal.com slash almost 30 to get your$25 off. Start shopping now at therealreal.com slash almost 30. Okay.

19:35Lindsey Simcik:I am currently breastfeeding and I have unlocked for me the key to producing enough milk, but this is not just for moms. This is for anyone. Actually life is busy. We don't drink enough water, but are we drinking electrolytes in our water? We're just drinking plain water. We're not getting what we need. I'm an electrolytes girly. I have been for years and I found instant hydration, everybody. It is the best, not only for flavor, but what's in it. So there's zero sugar. There is French gray sea salt. There's potassium and magnesium and there's Aquaman. So it's like a really rich mineral complex in there as well.

20:14Lindsey Simcik:I love the raspberry. I love the strawberry lemonade is one of my favorite flavors, but they have an array of flavors that are fantastic. Nothing artificial about it. They're so, so good. Do not drink plain water. Instant hydration is my favorite electrolyte mix. You need this everywhere you go, in your purse, in your backpack, in your desk at work, in your pantry at home. So for a better way to hydrate, go to instanthydration.com slash almost 30, and you are going to get 40 % off your first subscription order. So instanthydration.com slash almost 30 you will get 40 % off your first subscription order that feels like my truth I'm like I just want our family to be as involved as they can to be around the kids I just think it's so important for them for the kids it helps us and even if there are moments of like annoyance which inevitably there are who cares like it is what it is I just I prioritize the benefits of their presence there over the annoyance because the annoyance is like few and far between.

21:22Lindsey Simcik:So that's been super helpful. And then friends, we have wonderful friends, some of whom have kids, some of whom don't, that have been offering to like watch Mav and hang out with Mav while we tend to Lenny and vice versa and come over and bring us food. And it's been nice to just allow our friends to be the support systems that like they would like to be. I think it's deepened our relationships with our friends. Um, I think a lot of our friends who have not had kids yet, like a lot of couples in our lives are able to kind of get a peek into maybe what it's going to be like for them. And that's been really fun.

22:03Lindsey Simcik:Um, and it just gives our friends like a peek into just like what life is like for us right now, which is not perfect. And it is kind of crazy. And so much is changing and it just feels good to be open with your friends like that and not just keep it behind closed doors um and sean is really good about like inviting our friends in he's just like come on over yeah sure and i'm like wait but the house is a mess and i have to pump and i have to he's like who cares just don't worry i'm like you're right totally right our friends do not need perfection all this well. Like invite them into the craziness.

22:45Lindsey Simcik:It is, it's real and it's beautiful and it's crazy. So that has been very integral. So whatever the infrastructure of your child care and support looks like, let it be specific to you. You know, you don't need to compare to anyone online, to anyone in your life. Don't shame yourself for needing more support than the next person because support is good. You need to take care of yourself too. Your children deserve that. Okay. So I also want to talk about, I have like a note here on like what I want to talk about. I want to talk about me and my husband, how we're doing. You know, I, I don't talk a ton about our dynamic, like interpersonal dynamic and get very deep on that because it's very private to me and to us.

23:37Lindsey Simcik:And so I'm keeping it very like high level and from my perspective, but I do think it's helpful to kind of, you know, dip into that area of my life. It's real. And, you know, Sean is my best friend, my person, you know, like my feeling of that has not changed in all that we've been through over the last, I mean, we've known each other since like almost 15 years, but we've been together seven, married for four almost, and have been parents for three. And I think we age like a flying wine. We get better and better, to be honest. We're in it, and we're committed. And we know the value of work on ourselves individually and together.

24:28Lindsey Simcik:and you know we're in couples therapy which I highly recommend not because there's a fire to put out but because we just want to stay connected during these seasons of intense change and it's been phenomenal and it's been really great to work on very specific things you know pulling very specific scenarios that happen that week and you know going in and just kind of dissecting them in a way that, you know, both of us feel more seen and heard. And yeah, I'm just so thankful to have a partner that is committed to that growth in that way. I know that's not the case for everyone. And so if you're thinking about investing in therapy for yourself individually, or as a couple, it's worth it, period.

25:13Lindsey Simcik:It's worth it. I've been in my own therapy for a long time now. And I do that in conjunction with couples therapy. And, um, I find it to be an anchor in our month where we can really go deep. We can connect. Um, it's not the only place we talk about deep things. Like we try to stay committed to that and practice in the everyday. Cause if we just wait till therapy, it sucks. You're just like, what, like, what are we even doing? You need to yeah walk walk that talk um every single day so um at a high level we're great um I think to see Sean become a girl dad has been um beautiful and it's different you know it's different than having a son I think especially for for a man for a father um I just see I see a softness that I didn't see with Mav.

26:10Lindsey Simcik:Like he's like precious with Mav, but like it was different with a daughter. I have just noticed his, yeah, his sense of responsibility has heightened because it has, you know, and I love, I love his leadership in the family, his work ethic, his discipline, his vision for the future and what he wants to build with me for our family. And yeah, I just think that has grown, you know, it's intensified with two kids now and it creates a lot of pressure that he and I have talked about, but it's also just real and something that he's willing to, um, to meet and step into. Um, we have yet to dip back into our, weekly dates, but I'm on it.

27:00Lindsey Simcik:I'm on it. I think next week we're scheduling our one-on-one time. It's been hard y 'all. And so I just have given our, uh, both of us grace over the last couple months to kind of get back into our rhythm, feel like ourselves. Um, and what's been really nice is he was home, even though he was working from home, but he was home for like such a solid part of the summer and wow it was incredible um I just love like being in the flow with him he makes fun of me he's like you love when I'm home like I do love when you're home it's just so great um to know that he's there and I can like give him Lenny if I need to do something or whatever but mostly just to have his presence there because he does travel a lot for work so it was just really nice to have him grounded for a bit and and I'll just say that you know the things that you're you work on with your partner will come up again and again.

27:57Lindsey Simcik:You know, I'm just realizing that where I'm like, oh, the work is never really truly done. There's not a thing that you like solve and you never see again. In my experience this far, it's like, if we have a thing that comes up, I think you have the ability to improve it in certain contexts and scenarios and, you know, repattern it. But then it might come up again when you have a second kid, like communication, for example, like communicating my needs has become like even more challenging with two kids. I think I got it down with one and then two happened and I'm overwhelmed and my brain doesn't work and I can't communicate what I need or what I want and I can't delegate and I can't think about five minutes from now.

28:45Lindsey Simcik:It's too overwhelming. And so I've kind of had to re-approach this issue, I'll call it, and work on it yet again, but in a new context. And so, you know, how do I communicate that with Sean and like be vulnerable with him about how I'm feeling and yeah, manage the shame I have around it or the embarrassment or the judgment, whatever it is, has been a thing I'm working on. And, you know, he has his things he's working on, too. So all in all, we're great and we're committed to the growth and the work. But we also recognize that we're in the thick of a really chaotic and challenging season. Though beautiful, it is hard.

29:32Lindsey Simcik:And so we're giving each other a lot more grace than normal. OK, so I have been using the RealReal for years on the down low. I feel like I haven't told you guys, but I love to get some really fantastic pieces that I will have forever. and I just love the thrill of finding something amazing that you would never pay full price for. So I have found some really good pieces on there and I'm also constantly scrolling the new arrivals because there are so many good finds. So basically the RealReal has over 10 ,000 new arrivals every single day from brands like Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Fendi and more, often up to 90 % off retail.

30:06And because everything goes through their rigorous authentication process, you can actually feel good about what you are buying. The RealReal is the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale. With over 10 ,000 new arrivals daily, no one does resale like The RealReal. And now you will get$25 off your first purchase when you go to therealreal.com slash almost 30. That's therealreal.com slash almost 30 to get your$25 off. Start shopping now at therealreal.com slash almost 30. Okay, can we talk about picky eating for a second? I have a toddler. I'd like to say he eats a little bit more than other kids, but he is still picky So if you have a kid who basically survives on the beige foods, you know the struggle and with Mav I just don't want every meal to turn into that negotiation That's why I have been giving him Ella Ola It's basically a completely tasteless colorless vitamin powder.

31:01It's not a gummy It's not a chewable. So into his water. I have electrolytes in there too, but I put it in his water or his milk Sometimes he'll have yogurt, I'll throw it in there. His oatmeal, don't tell him. Smoothies, super easy. And he literally cannot tell it's in there. So it has 19 essential vitamins and minerals plus nutrients from 15 organic fruits and veggies, including B12, D, zinc, and it'll support his mood and brain development. It's pediatrician and pediatric dietician developed. It has zero sugar, it's vegan, gluten-free, free of the top nine allergens, and has no artificial sweeteners, dyes or additives and honestly for me it's just one less thing to stress about at mealtime Ella Ola is offering our listeners 20 % off your first purchase just go to ellaola.com slash almost 30 that's e-l-l-a-o-l-a.com slash almost 30 the discount is automatically applied at checkout so you don't need a code you can try it risk-free with Ella Ola's 45-day money-back guarantee so go to ellaola.com slash almost 30 for 20 % off your first purchase Normal, which is needed.