#471: Why Uncertainty Is An OPPORTUNITY With Heather!

0:00I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals, to overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's in your seat. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so a couple of things to get you up to speed on. I hope everybody's okay from the past couple of hurricanes. I have seen and read about so much devastation and damage, and that was literally the biggest hurricane we've ever seen coming at the state of Florida. And I'll tell you, I live in Miami, obviously. I have a son and we school was canceled for most of the week.

0:39I mean, everything was getting shut down. You know, every grocery store sold out of water. It's a weird thing if you're not used to living in the South because hurricanes, unfortunately, become somewhat normal, at least, you know, during a window of time during the year. So it doesn't make it any less scary. Right. It's some of those things you can't control. You can't plan around. You can't plan for. and then it's all of a sudden upon you and you have no idea what's going to happen. So it was definitely a stressful week. Like we weren't sleeping that great. And P.S. the winds were really, you know, the winds, the actual situation outside our doors was not great either.

1:14However, what's so interesting, and first of all, we are so blessed because Miami did very well. I think the highest winds we got were 60 mile an hour, which is not life threatening, like what so many other people dealt with. So number one, we're so grateful. We're so blessed. And we were so lucky. Okay, two is, you know, these are just first world problems. But of course, when you go through something like this, it gets super stressful. You're not able to buy the things that you need. You don't know if you're going to have power. You don't know if your flights are canceled, your work trips are canceled, the schools canceled, right?

1:46Like just all these bizarre, weird things out of your control, right? And so you just have to kind of let it go, live in uncertainty. Anyhow, it was a challenging week, obviously, for so many people across so many areas, right? because this hurricane was literally the size of all of Florida. So it was interesting because I had a trip scheduled to be in LA this week. I had this trip planned for, you know, six weeks, eight weeks. And I had an event with Inner Fifth. And I was also going to be supporting my attorney, who's one of my best friends, at a big event she had in LA as well. And my event was earlier in the day.

2:24Hers was in the evening. And so it was super important to me. not only from a business standpoint, you know, to be somebody that shows up when I say I'm going to be somewhere. Of course I go. I would never miss anything. Of course, there are things out of your control, but you just, you want to be that person. If you're going to be somewhere, you're going to be there. But then too, also there was the personal side of it that, gosh, I really did not want to let my friend down. It was really important to her. You know, we'd already told people I was going to be there at that event too. So I'm sure you feel this.

2:53It can be just stressful when you have all these things going on. You don't know if you're leaving. You don't know if you're going. You're trying to make plans. You don't even know what to do with your ticket. You don't even know if it's safe to fly. Well, anyhow, I have become, and I swear this is all goes back to getting fired and learning to live in uncertainty. If you have not learned to live in uncertainty yet, today is the day. Like let's start because it just makes life better, right? You kind of get excited. Like, okay, I wonder what's going to happen. I have no idea if I'm going to LA or not.

3:21I have no idea if suddenly I have two days of completely cleared schedule with nothing to do because I'm supposed to be in another state. I have no idea what's happening with my child. Right. Like just embracing these moments and kind of making it more of a game like, oh, I wonder what's going to what are the odds of this happening or that happening? I try to, you know, just be as grateful as I can be and live in the unexpected, not knowing what's going to happen. The other thing I try to do, I think my partners appreciate this. I don't start getting on people's radar saying, I don't know if I'm going to make it.

3:51I don't know what's going to happen because I don't know. Nobody knows. Right. Literally, a hurricane is a great example. It could change course overnight and suddenly something that you thought was going to be devastating could be gone. And so I just believe why stress out other people if they're not living in it. If you weren't living in Florida, you probably, you know, or at least in the South somewhere, you weren't really living in it the way we were. It was everywhere, you know, on every news outlet, on TV, on anywhere. Everyone's, you know, schools are all canceled. So if you're not immersed in it, I don't want to stress people out.

4:24And I do believe that's the right approach to take because everyone's got their own challenges in their own life. They don't need to start worrying about if Heather's going to make it to speak at this event. And so I just chose not to say anything. If I have bad news, I'm going to reach out. Right. But if I have potentially good news, I'm just keeping it status quo. Like, of course, I'm going to be there. Nothing new, nothing to be seen here, people. Well, my partner reaches out to me and says, hey, I'm getting a little worried. Saw what's happening. I'm hoping you're OK. I just said back to her.

4:54I said, listen, still no way to know what's going to happen because we were still 36 hours from, you know, impact. I said, so we don't really know yet. However, I'm highly optimistic. I'll be able to get out. If anything goes awry and my flights are canceled, you will hear from me, right? Like I'd like to lead with that approach. If something bad is happening and it's definitive, you're going to hear from me. I'm going to let you know immediately. But if you don't hear from me, it's all good. It's all good in the hood. Maybe not be great, but it's good, right? So that's sort of the approach I took.

5:24As I mentioned, one of my best friends is out there. She's messaging me what's the word and what's going on? And I told her, I said, listen, right now, I told you, this is different. This is someone that I've been very close to for 15 years. I said, listen, here's the thing. It is not looking good outside right now. I have no idea. As you know, things could change overnight. So I don't want to get, you know, too tied to one outcome or the other. I will do everything within my power to be there. But I also want to set expectations correctly for you. I don't know if I'm going to make it. If there's a way to get out, I will.

5:54If there's not, I can't come. And she understands that because she lives here too. She had just left for LA days before I had to beat the hurricane, which was really smart.

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9:12Okay, so it was just kind of a chaotic week and it became one of those game time decisions. And it was interesting. We were watching the news, my son and I, and it legitimately, you know, we had tropical storm winds in our house and flooding and rain, you know, it was not great week. And so the weather was deteriorating quickly and we're watching the storm on the news and I'm supposed to be on a flight first thing in the morning heading to LA. My son's school had been canceled by this point. I think they went to school two days last week. So he said to me, what are you going to do, Bob? I said, I don't know.

9:47I really want to go, but I just have a feeling it's not looking great. And I would keep checking the app, which is the only thing you could do. And it's still, flight is on, flight is on. And this is where I just go back to, worrying is just a waste. Like to sit and worry, what if it does get canceled? You have no control over it. Like wait to worry, hope for the best, put the best out there, foresee things going amazing, whatever they're meant to be. Like however it's meant to be to play out, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be great. And it'll be for the best for all. That's kind of the attitude I try to employ in those situations because worrying is just going to rob you of your peace and any joy you could have in that moment.

10:24Right. So here I am. I'm trying to think I'm home with my son, watching a movie with him on the couch. He has no school. If I'm not doing that, I'm just sitting around worrying if I'm taking off. Okay, let's focus on this moment and be grateful for having this time with my child. So that was the option we took. We watched the hurricane right before bed, still, you know, not sure if it's a go or no go. And I said, I'm just going to go to bed tonight as if I'm going. So I said to my son, I said, there's no way you're going to be up in time because he had no reason to get up. I said, so just anticipate you're not going to see me in the morning.

10:56I'm going to be on a flight. I will message you. And whenever you wake up, just let me know how you're doing. So I wake up in the morning. I look right away at my phone and it looks to me like maybe the hurricane moved a little more north. And so I said, you know what? I'm just going to go to the airport. And so I got dressed, ran to the airport. And when I tell you I got to the airport and there wasn't a soul in there, it was the wildest thing ever. There was a handful of people there. No lines at the Miami airport. What? Said no one ever. Usually it's pure chaos. No lines, no people got right to my gate.

11:32said my flight was on time, boarded my flight. I think there was a total of five people on the airplane. It was completely empty. It was the most surreal situation. And a few people said to me, well, aren't you scared to fly? I was not because I knew, listen, this is what these people do for a living. If it was that bad and they couldn't fly around it, they're going to cancel the flight. Right. And I just know that I know if we're boarding the plane, we're going to be fine. And so board of the flight, it was literally the easiest trip to the airport, easiest flight of my entire career. And we got in 45 minutes early because there was no air traffic issues.

12:10You know, there was no problems at all because there's no planes leaving Miami. And I guess everybody else had, you know, decided that flights weren't going to be going. So anyhow, point is this. I get in so early, I can't get into my hotel room. So there was like this whole backlog of other domino effect problems that occurred because I never thought I was even actually going to be there. And then I was and then I couldn't get into the hotel and then I had to get ready for the event and blah, blah, blah. First world problem after first world problem. However, like you're in it. Let's make it work.

12:38And we did. And it ended up being a great trip. And I'm so grateful I got to be there. In any moment that you get the chance to show up for people that show up for you, you got to do it. Right. Like whenever you can, you really want to because it means so much. you know, just a special thing. It doesn't happen every time, right? There's plenty of times that we can't make it to somebody's event. I was so grateful to be able to be there for her, to show up for somebody who shows up for me all the time. Okay. So during this time, before I was heading out, a number of people reaching out to me saying, I think you should cancel on both of your events for your friend and for your partner, because it's too dangerous.

13:15It doesn't look good, right? Like worrying, worrying, worrying. And again, listen, I get it, right? But I was trying not to do that. I want to expect the best and put that out there and then just handle it as it comes. I wanted to walk you through a couple of different ways you can handle something if you do want to decline, because there are going to be times you can't be, listen, the reality is if the hurricane hit, I was not leaving my kid here. It wasn't, even if I could get out, right? If he was not going to be safe, I was not leaving. And I'm not going to apologize for that. That was like the one thing I was clear on.

13:45Yes, if I can get out, I'll go. But if I can get out and it's still questionable if Miami's going to be okay, I'm not going. So I'd already made that decision. I had that clarity. I was not going to be, you know, no one was going to talk me into anything other than that. So I started thinking, how would people handle this situation if they felt like a lot of pressure that they should be somewhere and they did not want to go any longer because of a situation that had arisen that was unexpected. So I wanted to give you three different ways that you can handle declining an event when it just isn't ideal for you anymore.

14:14right I did not do that I went it all worked out my son was fine he had a couple days off he was psyched actually he was so happy got to sleep in every day got to work out had a blast I was able to make my vet right like everything worked out so much better than expected again reminder do not worry wait to worry because everything worked out and actually got into LA 45 minutes earlier than I've ever gotten and it was wild how easy things actually came to be however if you had been here in my home that week leading up to it, you would have never thought that would have been the outcome. I certainly did not anticipate it to be that easy.

14:50Okay, so here are three different ways you can decline going to an event when it's just not feasible, possible, or just not what you want, right? Again, that was not my situation, but I'm going to give you some ways to handle it. All right, somebody asked you to go to something like this, and you have a horrible situation with weather, and you're in your mind, that's not something you want to deal with. A great way to handle something like that is instead of apologizing, right, which puts you at fault, you're not at fault when you just are deciding you don't want to attend something for your own reasons.

15:22That's your privilege. That's your choice. That's up to you. It's your decision. So instead of apologizing, which puts you beneath somebody else or to blame, instead you say to them, I really appreciate you understanding. And it was funny. I have another best friend happens to be two hours north of me right now. I just got back from LA and she had asked if I wanted to come up and see her and a bunch of her friends for dinner tonight. And of course I wanted to see them. I love these people. They're incredible. But the idea after just getting back off this flight and I haven't even unpacked yet and my son has school tomorrow and I have work tomorrow and I haven't gone to the grocery store and I haven't done it.

16:00It just didn't seem feasible for me. Yes, of course I wanted to go, but it didn't seem feasible. Instead of saying, I'm so sorry that I can't do this. I just got back from LA. I said to her, I said, listen, I would so appreciate it if you could understand that I am exhausted, completely not prepared. And while I would love to see you, I just, I can't make it work right now. And she said, no problem. I completely understand. And then I was able to thank her and say, thank you. Thank you so much for understanding. I so love you. I so appreciate and love you. Thank you. Right. But don't blame yourself.

16:30You don't need to apologize, you can thank that other person, you can show gratitude, and you're taking the presumptive close. That's the other thing that's super smart. You're setting them up to say, I so appreciate your understanding with this. I so appreciate your help with this. Thank you for understanding. It's hard to unravel that on the other side and say, no, I refuse to be understanding. Right? So you're taking the presumptive close, which is really, really smart. Okay. Another thing you could say is, you know what? Unfortunately, this isn't going to work for me. Again, you're not blaming yourself.

16:59You're not blaming them, but you're just saying, unfortunately, this isn't going to work. So just really simple to the point. The third one is, while this is not going to work, how about you and I find a compromise on something that could work for both of us? Meaning to my friend who's two hours away right now, who I would love to see, I'm not going to be able to do this, but I will come see you in November for Thanksgiving. Right? Like coming up with an alternative solution that is different than the one that's on the table, but is mutually beneficial for both of you. So you don't need to blame yourself.

17:32You don't need to apologize. You don't need to get all upset and worked up. You can either say, I appreciate your understanding. You can say, unfortunately, this won't work for me. Or you can say, let's find a compromise that works for both of us and remove the emotion from it. You know, saying no to one thing is saying yes to something else. And for me saying no to going to that dinner tonight meant I could say yes to making my son dinner. I could say yes to getting the groceries for the the week, I could say yes to doing laundry, getting my house organized so that I feel really good about my son situation tomorrow, my week tomorrow, right?

18:04Like it's going to set me up for a big win versus if I went to a dinner late tonight, two hours away, I think we all know what's going to happen. I'm going to get home really late. I'm going to be exhausted. Yeah. I'm going to have had a blast, which I love having fun with my friends. However, this wasn't the day for it. So you don't need to give anyone excuses. You don't need to apologize to anybody. You don't need to over explain. You can keep it short. I appreciate you understanding. Unfortunately, this won't work for me. Let's find a compromise that works for both of us. Love it. Love it. Love it.

18:34Okay. So choose you. And you know what? Good friends are going to appreciate that. They're going to understand it and they're going to support you in it and everyone's going to keep it moving. Okay. So I have been getting so many messages to my clone, my digital clone at heathermonahan.com. I also have a phone number for her. I have posted it numbers of times. This probably is in the show notes right now. If you want to call her, you literally can call me live. It's my AI clone. It's me. It's so wild. Okay. So this week I was seeing that for whatever reason, a lot of people were sending her messages.

19:09So I'm going to go through the messages that I received and answer the questions live. Live Heather, not AI Heather. However, I'm sure AI Heather answered all of these already, probably exactly like I will. But if you haven't checked her out yet, Check her out, heathermonahan.com. She is the digital avatar on my site, and she will give you answers just like speaking to the real me. Okay, I have this tool. The whole thing is incredible. It's by a company called Delphi, the cloning company. They're amazing to work with. You can have your own digital clone. They're amazing. Anyways, they send me reports daily, weekly, and monthly to let me know what people are asking.

19:45So today it said an important insight is a significant number of messages revolve around building confidence in various contexts. with multiple users asking for actionable steps and tips to enhance self-assurance in business and personal settings. So I want to explain something. In any moment, you can choose to channel another person, another persona. Beyonce channels her inner Sasha Fierce before she takes the stage, right? This is one of the biggest performers in the world. So if she needs to do that occasionally, I think it's fine for you two as well. As you know, I was at my event in L.A. this week, and after the event was wrapping up, a woman came up to me and said, this is a very similar question.

20:20She said, Heather, I'm a CEO of my company. I have my board meeting tomorrow. And she said, this one gentleman really has been upsetting me. And I've been finding myself standing up and, you know, raising my voice to him because he keeps speaking over me. Okay, that's not going to build your confidence. And this is what I explained to her. I said, listen, number one, channel your inner Heather Monahan or channel your inner whoever you want to that you feel like would handle a situation better, right? When you step into a different persona, it's going to empower you to behave differently. I highly suggest you doing that until you're able to embody yourself, right?

20:53You want to be yourself in the end, but sometimes we're all going to be there where I'm going to channel my inner, whoever it's going to be to come through and manage this for me right now. I've done it many times. It works, right? I have done that more in my personal life because I have a tendency to, you know, be harder and bring my business persona into personal life. And so I channel one of my girlfriends who's the sweetest, softest, most gentle person in the world. And when I am dealing with a relationship situation, I channel my inner Samantha, right? So you can channel different people in different situations and it just reminds you, oh, I don't have to be negotiating.

21:29I don't have to be, I can just be me. And you know, that's what channeling my inner Samantha means to me. So be thoughtful and intentional about who you're going to channel in these different situations and it will set you up for success in whatever it is you're trying to tap into inside of yourself. So I explained to this woman to channel her inner Heather Monahan or whoever she needed to. The next thing I said was this. Remember, it's a meeting. You were invited to the meeting. You are wanted to be there. You own a seat at the meeting. Okay, so that's confidence tip number one. You were invited.