#520 What He’s Really Thinking in the First 3 Dates: Flirting, Communication & Navigating the Early Days of Dating with Dating Strategist Ben Hart

22:00All of a sudden, I woke up one day and I wanted to have a baby. It happens that fast. And for men listening to understand, a woman's not crazy. All of a sudden, you just have this strong calling to do something. It's going to change the way you behave and the decisions that you make as a result. Now, a few of my girlfriends in their 30s are really directive and draw a super hard line. They're beautiful. they're great people but i watch them and i take a step back then and i look at them i'm like you're crazy legit crazy this is how i see it i see them as being nuts how can you expect a man to know in 30 days 60 days if he wants to marry you would have a baby like it just seems like a lot of pressure and drawing these hearts so what is your advice or direction for women in their 30s that do want to have a baby but to my point also don't want to be a lunatic and think people can just decide in 30 days if they're going to marry you or not.

22:54I completely agree, by the way. As far as the marriage thing goes, that's like a different category. I think you got to get to know people a little bit. And, you know, I personally, especially for somebody in the 30s, I give it around like a year before he figures out if he wants to marry her, but or vice versa. But at the same time, on the flip side of it is like, when I say hard line in the sand, I mean, there's it's a hard line is kind of the way you communicate that hard line. Some people are like, I'm not I don't do this past that. And then that's probably not going to make somebody very interested to keep continuing with you anyway.

23:24But if you voice your, if you communicate thoroughly about what it is you're looking for, like, Hey, I've been having a really good time with you. I really enjoy this. But at this moment, I am looking for commitment to go things forward. That's really important to me. And that's not where you're at. I totally get that. But that's just kind of what I'm going to need to move forward. If that's not it, I totally get it. That's a different perspective to have after, you know, 10, 12 weeks. And he's not saying he's going to marry you. He's saying, yes, I want to commit to you because commitment is on a route to like maybe something a little bit deeper than that and so i think that's very important i think it's important to have intentions and purpose but understand that like there's a way to communicate those things that make somebody respect it and say yeah that makes sense like some guys don't really see commitment in the way that a lot of girls do some guys if they hang out with you long enough they'll just be like yeah we're in a relationship we just never talked about like why do we need to talk about it whereas a lot of girls are like no we kind of need to communicate about it because i want to know i want to feel secure that when i'm with you you're not seeing anybody else i'm not seeing anybody else and the investment makes sense to me.

24:19So there's partially that. And I think that if you communicate some of that a little more thoroughly and have some expectations, so he understands where you're coming from. And if he doesn't want to, then cool. He doesn't want to, but marriage, I think it's a little bit more longer, but even just the first level of commitment, if a guy doesn't know if he wants to commit to you every three months, I mean, that's kind of a problem, especially in your thirties. So what's the right way then for them to approach it? Because to your point, hardlining someone really aggressively, in my opinion, it's going to backfire.

24:49No one wants some woman attacking him, asking to be in a relationship. However, you need to communicate your truth. You need to communicate how you feel, what's important to you and what you want. What's the right approach that you think women should take? I think the one I just kind of mentioned is seems to work very well with people because it's letting them know that you don't want to last in a situation because you're looking for other things in your life, but if that's what he's looking for, no problem. That's like a soft line that you're trying to draw because you should have some boundary here.

25:19You don't want to continue in these long situationships and then waste. All of a sudden you get in one, two, three situationships and all of a sudden you got like three or four years out of a prime moment for you. I don't think that's fair enough. And I think that you need to communicate it in a way that's understanding after you've vetted a little bit. A lot of women that I speak to are trying to figure out commitment a little too soon like a couple weeks in they're like well i don't know you think he's gonna come in i'm like well you're still betting him you're still gonna get to know him and that's why i kind of give the framework of like the two and a half three month mark because it's fair enough you guys have one maybe two dates a week at that point and that's a good like 12 etc dates in there at minimum and if he doesn't know if he wants to commit to you by then you kind of have to make a call on it.

26:04And you can't just say he should have done it. Well, he's not controlling your life and he might see things very differently. So you should take control of your life and kind of do something about it. It doesn't have to be a hard line, but it has to be like, well, Hey, this is not going to continue. I totally get it. That's fair. That's respectable. And he can only say, well, I really respect that. Even if he didn't want to. What do you see in regards to men and women with masculine and feminine energy in dating today? what do i see it depends right i think this like idea of femininity and masculinity has gotten a little overplayed but you can kind of see them go both sides right i can see you see more productive successful women in the workplace that have kind of developed what one would call or consider a little bit more of masculine traits and maybe you've seen that as a result as a response a lot of guys have sat back a little bit more and not been overly aggressive in their pursue in some sense because of a variety of reasons, which we can get into, but I've seen a little bit of that, right?

26:59You've seen a little bit more of a lighter pull on men just because of like their jobs per se and what they do. And maybe the testosterone is going down. All these things are playing a role and, you know, hypergamy is tends to be typically more real than not. And there is that, and that, that, that, that affects how women and men choose for sure. So when you see, cause I see a lot of this and I know this has been a situation for me when you see women that have achieved success in corporate America and are very directive and more masculine in their approach and that starts bleeding into their relationships I'm sure you've seen this with some of your clients how do you direct them to manage that or balance it that's a really hard balance I'm not gonna lie about that right because guys don't have that same problem so I have to acknowledge that first women tend to have that problem because they think of this like a switch I don't think it as like a switch.

27:48I think it was like, you can, by the way, some of the most productive, successful women I know are highly actually more in their feminine, because in my opinion, I feel like the feminine controls the chessboard and they, some people haven't really figured out how to use. And they use it as like a competitive streak to like compete with men. And then they want to like shut off the switch. And that's difficult. I think setting off that switch is hard to do. And I don't think that's easy. And I think about it very differently. I think about you can be this way And you don't have to see a lot of girls will come in and say, well, he didn't make me feel like I could be feminine enough.

28:20And I said, well, why is it so conditional? Why is your femininity so conditional? If a guy said this to you, you'd laugh him out the room. Well, she didn't make me feel good enough to make me be my masculine. You'd be like, come on. And I understand that there's traits of masculinity that go into your job and everything else. but you have to understand also too, a lot of times when you have that framework, when you're meeting new guys, some guys look right past you because of that, because of how hard you are on the outside and more like that. Some guys, the guys that most of the women are actually looking at are going to look past them just because it doesn't, it's not the most attractive thing on a superficial.

28:58And now if they get to know them, fair enough, but you can't assume that somebody has to break those walls down so quick right off the bat. so how do you work with women to help them be more in their feminine where you're the most powerful place for them to be yeah and i'm not gonna lie like i'm not a femininity coach so i don't like teach them all these details about how to be more feminine i think that would be a little bit out of my league if i'm being honest so i kind of i feel like i kind of know my limits like even people call into my stream like i have a live stream that i do on tiktok monday through thursday and they'll they'll start going into like childhood stuff i'm like listen i'm not a therapist i'm not gonna lie to you i'm gonna stop this right here because one i'm not qualified two i don't talk about relationships and three i don't talk about marriage i specifically like the early stage dating and i think that's important because uh the early stage is like how do you start to attract the kind of guy you and i think a lot of the qualities i was talking about being just a little bit more i guess we use these buzzwords like feminine or a little bit more softer a little more open a little more caring a little more present you presenting in in that light as opposed to presenting like you're a ball buster.

30:03And I think that when guys sense the ball busting, they tend to leave. So maybe let me reframe the question. You talk about how a woman can flirt in different ways they can flirt. What are some of the ways you can do this in that regard? Oh, for sure. I mean, I talk about a lot of different things, right? So a couple things I kind of made up along the way, which is the past, which I originally talked about before, like the basics, fundamentals of flirting. And I talk about the devil bag, Bonnie, which is like eye contact and looking back when you pass a dude you know you make eye contact you pass them you look back it's like giving the keys to the key i talk about a lot of different ways to flirt but like i always talk about breaking the touch barrier like these you know eye contact smile and breaking the touch barrier specifically like on date one or after date or after date one are little things that you that you will start to see how fast they start to ignite men to want to do more for you.

30:55And I feel like when you don't have those tools, it's harder to get men to be like, oh yeah, I really want to step up. Because honestly, yeah, a lot of men are a little bit driven by ego, but they're driven also a little bit by like, they want to be able to do something here. And if they don't feel like they can do, there's very little, there's little ambition to want to do. So I think that's important. That's why I kind of, like I always talk about like, Like, you know, when you're walking next to him, grab, hook his arm, like little things like that, they're going to make a huge difference in how he treats you moving forward.

31:27So I talk about those things, which I feel like you could say it can play a little bit in being a little more feminine, but it's really just being more open and flirty. But, you know, it's interesting. And my girlfriend, Vanessa, was telling me about this. She's talking a lot about the looking back idea that you have. And one of the things that came to my mind was this. If someone is not super confident in themselves, I would think of myself if I was single and at a bar and someone locked eyes with me to look back at them out that takes a lot of courage and confidence don't you think i don't know i mean listen i could see i could see a woman's perspective on that but like where's the l like where's the l like what's the fear of like what's the fear associated with i'm just trying to understand i get these questions all the time i talk about all the time but like where's the what's the l you're fearing is that they don't look like you it's sometimes it's like the story that's being framed about what's happening here and like this story is like, one story is, oh, if I try and I don't get it, damn, that's just, that hits me.

32:24You know, I think that part of the thing is that guys are so accustomed to failure in some way, when, especially when it comes to this, like they get shut down so much, even the most like good looking, thorough, he gets shut down too. Believe it or not, he gets shut down more than a lot of women think. And I think that if you redefine the story of like looking back or giving a look or, or just presenting yourself in an open manner, or even just even saying hi, oh my God, I know crazy, crazy theory. But even that is like when you reframe it to being like, oh, I'm just going to be like a exuberant, nice human being, as opposed to like trying to like get at measure every little outcome of your look.

32:58Like that doesn't make a lot of sense, because of course, you're going to look back at some point and the guy's not going to be looking back. What is that going to like put a thorn through your heart or something like what's happening here? This is just part of the thing. Right. And like, it's not like women haven't always done this in the past to given some eye contact. They used to drop the handkerchief. Like all these things are very real. And would they always work out? No, but that's a part of the interaction between men and women, you know? I love that reframe. Yeah, you're right. That is not a big L and I appreciate you picking it up.

33:26By the way, I get, yeah, I get the fear. Like I taught so many women to say, now women tell me that they don't even look at the guys. They can look at the guys they're not that interested in, but the guys we're interested in, they just totally avoid eye contact with them. And I said, well, I don't understand. Like the waffle brain of mine doesn't really get that. But I get why that maybe makes sense for you. But for any guy, like, I don't understand that at all. It makes no sense. And because of what we were talking about before, maybe guys have gotten a little more hesitant to approach girls for a variety of reasons.

33:57But you could argue, yes, guys have gotten a little more risk adverse in that sense. But also on the flip side of that, this is not me defending guys because I've met a ton of dweebs and bums and everything else. but on the flip side of that i have to mention that you know when guys are on social just like a lot of girls are they see a lot of women kind of talking shit about a lot of men basically saying like oh they're putting their hinge profiles up they're saying this creep was in this gym looking at me and they get this reinforced into their system and they're like i ain't i ain't gonna do that fuck that i'm not putting i'm not getting fun her too tough so there's there's there's this hesitancy with being a little too much where some girls would be like oh what are you doing that happens even just saying hi that happens now again there's a line to be drawn where guys don't know how to come off and they can do some stupid shit of course they can but there is a hesitancy also because of that moment too whereas they're fearful of some girl going on and talking about them or or her entering the group chat and this guy was a creep so there's the hesitancy there yeah i think that's i think that's very very fair meet a different guest each week I don't know what to say.

35:05Confidence clear. Confidence clear. I ask you to try to find your passion. Okay, so one of the questions that I told you my girlfriend has some questions that she wants you answering. Oh, shit. So one of the questions that she was asking about is when a man pulls away, she's been dating a guy for a while, and then all of a sudden, she's not hearing from a week at a time, what is the right way to handle that and is that normal uh i think it depends right that would really depend on how long we're talking like if she's been seeing him for like four months or she's been seeing like two weeks she's been seeing him for two months two months so he starts to pull back so he's pulling back like not talking to her for a week all right and he was talking to her for more than that before yeah so something changed right right that just means he's losing interest it means he's lost interest or he's losing interest or he found some most of the time that's typically the case when a guy starts pulling back and he's not and he's any and he had an energy at first and that energy changed for whatever reason doesn't necessarily have to be her even it could just be like well i just don't see myself getting down on one knee for this girl and maybe there's a lot of factors i might he's not gonna slam the door shut a lot of guys keep the crack open but they're not gonna like hey this isn't working out it happens but it's rare it happens but it's just not as common whereas a lot of guys will keep the door open And sometimes, yeah, they may find their attention going elsewhere.

36:31Maybe there's another girl that's taking up their time and energy and they're like, okay, well, I just don't feel over her as much, but I'm not going to be like, I don't like you because X, Y, and Z. Okay, so I gave her different advice. Wait, this is so interesting to me. So I was saying to her, in my experience, there's a few things that can happen, and I'm super interested in your opinion on this, obviously. is I think one, something could be going on in his work life, in his business life with his child, like with his situation that is overwhelming, consuming negative and he's letting it negative spiral his life.

37:07And so he's not paying as much attention to her and probably other things at the time, but that it might not even have anything to do with her. So maybe that's a time to reach out to him and say, Hey, just wanted to check in on you. Like I was going to put your face on a milk carton what's going on are you okay you know okay that's one option or could it be that you know he they started getting really close and it freaked him out and he took a step back to say wait a minute do I really want to get into a serious relationship at this point what do you think about those responses yeah the second one is very valid I agree with you that he could have gotten really close but not necessarily freaked out of success just freaked out of the fact that he like didn't see he probably didn't see a future there he's like I don't want to get any closer because it feels like wrong, but also feels like maybe I should take a step back here.

37:50That's possible. The first one, would you say again, the first one? The first one I was thinking, we don't know what, like we want to create a story for people, but we don't really, until we ask them, we don't know. He could be in a custody battle right now with his child that something happened with his ex-wife and we had no idea about it. And he feels like he needs to be showing up every day for his kid and he's trying to keep work together at the same time. And he's putting her mentally on a back burner because he thinks everything's fine with her and not even like real life. I noticed that sometimes men aren't even aware that a woman's like, what is going on over here?

38:20And if you don't communicate something to him to say, what's going on with you, he's not going to realize that he took a big step back. Yeah. And listen, by the way, I don't disagree with that. You know, there's, here's the thing, right? Like that could always be the case. And depending on the phase of life, depending if he has kids, like these things matter, right? Like you're talking about a guy who's like living in the city at like 32, but you're talking about a guy that's like has a house and he's 55 or 60 and he has kids like these two different scenarios. And I want to separate those. But either way, right, let's just say, and this is this is this is a classic example, too.

38:51So this is good to actually talk. Either way, this goes right. We can come up with theories and we can say, hey, this is the reason and that's the reason and that's the reason. And maybe some of those are going to overlap to be correct. But who knows until it's communicated. So I value communication. I put it very high and I agree with you. I think that if you want to find out, go find out. And that means, hey, like you just said, hey, I was going to put your face in the milk cart and haven't seen a while. Like there's nothing wrong with that. There's just like a fear attached to that. Just like there's a fear of making eye contact with the dude.

39:19It's like, well, I don't want to, I don't want to not hear from him. Then I'm going to be able to, then I'm going to have to sit in my room and just pout for a week. Cause I can't figure out what about, what about me? He doesn't like, there's a, there's a lot of associations with that story, but either way this goes, you have to have enough kind of like, yes in you to say, okay, let me reach out. Because I'm not, I'm not the guy to be like, oh, just ghost's ass. That's not, I don't, I don't believe in that shit. Like if you're, especially if you're starting to talk to somebody and it's been like two months, like you're already getting accustomed to getting in a routine.

39:45What's the problem with communicating? So I'm big on communication. So I don't disagree with actually both of those things you said. So like, it could be he lost interest. Could be he's seeing another girl. Could be he's going through something. It could be all those things. And all those things are valid. But unless you like are willing to communicate, especially at two months in, to figure out what it is. And by the way, you reach out and he doesn't get back to you or he gets back to you days later. You know, you know. And then you can say, okay, well now I've put my best foot forward. I tried and now I can, I can just say, okay, well, it's not going to work out and that's okay.

40:17But at least you know that you don't have to live in regret. Like why didn't I even ask the dude? I love that. Yeah. Don't live in regret. Don't just don't make up the story to your point. Don't make up a false story that is not true because that's not fair to him or to you. And then the second thing is get rid of your past stories and just take the leap and ask. So you don't have to wake up and say, oh gosh, I wonder what happened to that relationship. I'm never going to know because then you're not going to learn from it and then you're not going to be better. Oh yeah. Big time. Like, you know, for the level of anxiety that a lot of women that I speak to have, their fear of communicating exceeds that.

40:52It's like, there's just high level of fear associated with saying something that's going to scare them off. I'm like, what do you think he's going to get scared off from your communication? If he gets scared off from your communication, he doesn't like you. Like we have to kind of make decisions kind of in some capacity, right? And like, how could you even move forward without saying to yourself, well, at least I tried. I don't know, you know? I think that's with everybody, guys too. If they have an inability to communicate something and they're not communicating, everyone would just be like, you're soft.

41:19What is your issue? A lot of this seems to go back to confidence and belief in yourself and knowing that if this isn't the right person, that's okay. There's going to be, if this door closes, a better one's going to open. There's someone else better out there for me. Is that what you're seeing happen with a lot of these women that are afraid that there's only one? 100%. And this is kind of like in your expertise as well, I'm sure, especially with the confidence building, you know. But a lot of it is that story. And I always go back to that because this is a typical topic that I always hear is like, well, that means this and that means this.

41:50We can all draw these assumptions. There's a story that's attached to the reason why you're not doing something. And I think you need to tell a different story. You need to say, well, maybe, you know what, maybe I'm going to go and be my best self and I'm going to communicate thoroughly. And if somebody doesn't want to communicate that thoroughly, then maybe that's not for me. There's a more empowering way to deal with this as opposed to just being so fearful all the time. You can't kind of scare a guy that likes you away because you communicate. I just, I don't see that ever happening. It's so good for women to hear that.

42:20I love it. Okay. What if you see women who have been dating, they're discouraged, right? Because you know this, there's not always the greatest guys out there. There's not always the greatest women out there, right? So some people might have some bad dates, bad experiences, and they're just down on dating. Do you recommend that people take a break from it, go back to your regular life, take the focus off? Or do you say it's a numbers game, keep plowing through? It depends on the situation. But I will say that, like, if you've just gotten your heart broken, that's one thing. Then maybe you need to take a little bit off and be like, OK, I need to regain yourself and refocus a little bit.

42:54But like, I'm not a big proponent of like taking a lot of time off because a lot of people get really engulfed in routines and they get very comfortable in their own routines and they find it very difficult to now actually do something that's in their favor. It's going to be their benefit, even though they know it's going to be in the benefit. But, you know, when I talk when I talk about confidence specifically, what I talk about is build momentum within confidence. So I talk about bits of progress and I always say, stop thinking about the big gigantic goal and really start the smallest bit of progress.

43:26Example, small bit of progress. Okay. You're an introvert. You're an avoidant, whatever we want to call you. And you're inside and you have a very difficult time interacting with people. Small bit of progress is literally just going around certain guys. Small bit. One bit. Next time. Okay, the next time is just literally looking at a dude, small bit of progress. And all of a sudden, you start to see the benefit of all these small bits of progress. And that kind of starts to build a viable course of momentum for you. And the momentum starts to actually build confidence. But you don't want to overwhelm people by being like, you got to go in here and look at them and smile at them and stand next to them.

44:03They're going to be like, I would never do that. But just get off your couch, number one. Get outside and just take a walk, number two. when you see a guy maybe just stand next to him for a second and pretend you're number three like these small bits of progress tend to work right and i've worked with women who've been like i'm just really afraid to like you know i don't want to go out alone or with a friend and actually focus on this i said okay well you don't have to you know you could just you do what you you do what you want to do but there's a beautiful thing that many women have said you know what benny i can't believe it actually i just went to the bar and the story about going to like a restaurant So let's just say, for example, there's a story like, I don't want to go to a restaurant and be that girl.

44:43I was like, no, no, you're just going to a restaurant to have a dish or to grab a wine. You're not going first. You're just placing yourself. You're not even doing it. I don't want you to do anything. Just go. The smallest bit. And then all of a sudden, like things just start happening because they just have one bit of progress. And then, by the way, not even the fact that a guy comes up to you, a guy can just look at you. and all of a sudden you a woman who has been out of the dating scene for like 20 years i've worked with plenty of them but they they've had this moment where it's like i don't know how to date so new it's so different just putting yourself in a position where you dress up nice you go out you just you just have a an hour to yourself out and you get one look from a guy and all of a sudden you're like wow you know he didn't do anything but i kind of like the look and then you go back next time when the guy smiled at me and he was talking to me but he didn't ask my number but i I liked it.

45:34It was really good. Those are the momentum pieces. And I just find that when you overwhelm the story with all the expectations you have, you tend to fall short of all of them. And it's really important to detach from an outcome, but just start getting engulfed in embracing the process of putting yourself in position. You know, what's so interesting to me is when you were just describing that, which I completely agree with. It reminded me, you could be talking about finding a job, you could be talking about finding your confidence. You could be talking about starting out at the gym and finding your health, right?

46:04Like these are universal truths that can be applied to anything and don't have to be so mysterious. It's really the same methodology to create a relationship as it is to create business and create confidence. Totally. And that's where it stemmed from. Like when I wrote the book, I've been in like the startup business world a little bit, but like, that's kind of where this came from. It was more like, honestly, like I'm not, I don't say anything innovative. Like it's really sometimes like my delivery is a little bit different, but like, it's nothing innovative. It's very, very like fundamental.

46:34It's like very fundamentally basic. I'm like getting specific outcomes and kind of getting engulfed in the process and enjoying the moment and having fun and doing those things. And I think that dating specifically for a lot of people is difficult because they've developed a structure around a lot of other aspects of their life, like their work and their school and, and their, their gym routines. Like there's a lot of structure associated with like, you do X, you get Y. And I think that with dating, there's not a lot of structure. A lot of people have this really unique Disney story, fairytale attached to how it should happen.

47:05And not a lot of people actually like to think about dating strategically. And I get it. I get why it's not an attractive thing to be like, oh, what do you mean I got to do this, this, and this? I'm like, well, you don't have to do anything. But if you think about it a little bit more strategically, without focusing on the hard truths and the details, just strategically, framework. And then, like, think about how to progress that aspect of your life. Like, you know, if you don't think about dating or dating fundamentally with more purpose or more intention, then I don't see how you just expect things to happen.

47:35I don't know. No other part of your life do you kind of expect things to happen. And I think that it's kind of like a rewire of like, well, maybe I need to put some focus on it because dating has changed so drastically over the last decade that maybe it's worth with the abundance realm of what of availability of people online and the attention you get. How do you start to focus that into a place where you can start to get some momentum in dating? To your point, by the way, it's just very fundamental. It's not like anything crazy. And I love that because it's doable and you can see how you've done it in other aspects of your life.

48:08So why couldn't you do it in this aspect as well? Right. And I just think a lot of people don't like to think of it that way. That's my point. It's like it's supposed to be romantic. It's supposed to be gray and mysterious and undefined and beautiful. and not so thought through. But you're right. If you don't have an intention and you aren't setting that intention and taking some action steps towards it, you could be waiting a heck of a lot longer. Oh, a lot longer. And like, you know, I always talk about, like there's people who operate like leaves, you know, and I use this term because like leaves, like whatever way the wind blows, I blow.

48:42You know, what are you looking for? Whatever. I don't know. We'll see. And that's okay. If you don't have any wants and desires, nobody's going to pressure you to want that. But like, it's just nobody wants to hear it later. That's all. We just don't want to hear, I don't know why it didn't happen. But like, you know what I mean? That's all. Okay. So what is the one piece of advice that you want to leave the audience with before we wrap up? I would say the one piece of advice, if I have any advice, is honestly, consume less and have some fun. And I think we've gotten to a consumer culture when it comes to getting advice and getting input from people online and friend groups.

49:16And you're overly bombarded with information when it comes to this aspect of your life. and it's kind of paralyzing people and it's making people very fearful and scared and you know one woman asked me on a podcast before she said well you know why should women listen to us and i don't think they should matter of fact they'd be better off just not listening to anybody and just go and live their life and having some fun and without over complicating all this because the more you consume all of a sudden everything becomes a problem you're over analyzing everything but i heard online what do you have to say about that i don't have anything to say just go live your life how about that just don't listen to anybody you'd be so much better off like part of my stuff is Like, I don't, even when I take my one-on-ones, I don't get you one time with you.

49:54I don't need any more. We don't need to do this every week. If you want to, fantastic. But this is not, this is not what I'm doing here. Reframe it a little bit and then you go live your life. Don't overcomplicate this. I love how simple your advice is. And this is what I take away from this conversation is listen to you over everything. Have fun. Just go out, have fun and live your life. Have some intention on what it is that you are looking for. listen to your own self and take chances. Don't be afraid and stop overthinking. I mean, it sounds so simple. Hopefully we can all put it into motion.

50:25Ben, tell us, how can people join your groups? Where do they follow you? How can they find you? Yeah, I appreciate that. And thank you for summarizing it up. It actually beautifully said. You can find me at Benny Inc. B-E-N-N-Y-I-N-C on Instagram, on TikTok. And I have a dating with purpose community that anybody can sign up for. It's a subscription, but anybody can sign up for it my website, BennyHeartInc.com. And that's it. Well, thank you for the work that you are doing to bring more love into people's lives and encourage them to believe in themselves and have more fun. You're the best out of it.

50:57Thank you. All right, guys. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.

51:16You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me.