Confidence Classic: Dare to Be RADICALLY Confident Before You Feel Ready with Lisa Bilyeu

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0:32Don't wait for a problem to remind you you're uncovered. Policies start as low as$29 a month. Get protected in minutes at nextinsurance.com. That's N-E-X-T insurance.com. Without your mindset, without your health, without your belief system, without how you show up, what really matters? Do you have a dream? Do you have a goal? And every day, are you acting in accordance for the long term? Because for me, for a year, I couldn't have mental clarity at all. And so you want to talk about how I actually hindered my mission because I wasn't able to show up. So I want people to really think about that so they don't get into that overwhelm or that burnout.

1:12Because burnout is real, overwhelm is real, and I had to unwind it. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I cannot wait for you to meet my guest today.

1:51She went from unfulfilled housewife to groundbreaking entrepreneur. Lisa Bilyeu is the co-founder of Billion, with a B, dollar brand, Quest Nutrition, and now co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a revolutionary digital first studio with inspirational content viewed over half a billion times. a prominent figure in the women's empowerment space. Lisa is respected for her energetic, no BS approach to mindset, health, wellness, and business, and has recently announced the release of her first book, Radical Confidence. Lisa, I'm so excited to have you here today. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me.

2:30So excited. Oh my gosh, you have the best energy from the word junk. It's like you are so my people. I'm so happy you're here. All right, let's get into your backstory because people see you and if you don't know Lisa yet you're going to be so excited to get to meet her today people see you as at the top of your game billionaire you know she's made it when you started out back when you were a kid did you have this kind of big picture vision for your life yes and no it's such a tricky question because I don't know if you remember when you're a kid and you have like these big grand audacious dreams and no one's squashed them yet and when I say no one I mean yourself too right like how many times we squash our own dreams now as adults but when you're a kid there's just like this moment at least for me there was this moment of like dream big dream audacious and it was like I want to be a movie director and I want to be the first woman to win an academy award like that was my dream now being you know let's say seven year old Greek girl from North London and my grandmother found it her duty to tell me on a constant basis that That's basically my future was already written for me by God.

3:39And that meant that I was going to be a stay-at-home wife and a mother. And that was going to be my future. And looking back now, it was like such common subliminal messages I was getting from childhood, from my grandmother telling me this. Literally, I would fall on the floor, scrape my knee. She would pick me up. And in her like thick Greek accent, she'd be like, oh, you'll be okay by the time you get married. Like she actually meant to console me. Like literally, no, no, no, you're going to be okay. hey, don't worry, by the time you get married, you'll be fine. And when you think about what that does to a little seven-year-old, like the subliminal messaging that your life is predicated on being married, that the end goal is marriage, you start to kind of see where we all get our belief systems from and how we take that into adulthood.

4:24And so even though when you're saying, you know, like all these big things that I've done, it's like I still have that insecure, negative voice in my head that I had when I was a kid that says, who do you think you are to go after it? You're supposed to be a wife and a mother, and you're supposed to be staying at home with your kids and with your family and with your husband. And I ended up having to decide that that wasn't fulfilling for me. But that was after eight years of being stuck, because I had the mindset that I was taught when I was a kid that I would end up being a stay at home wife.

4:57And so when I found myself in it, even though I had big, massive, audacious dreams as a kid, we all end up falling into things. And we say, oh my God, I blinked. And all of a sudden, but you never just blink. When you really think about it, it's little choices that you make day after day, year after year, that all stack up. And so in hindsight, it was a, I blinked in eight years. I'd been a stay at home wife supporting my husband. But looking back, I go, it was little decisions that I made that even though I had dreams when I said well I'm just going to help out my husband for a year well I'm just going to support him for another six months well it's only until and the problem that we've I'm finding and so many people is it's just going to be for this long I'm going to go after my dream when when I have the confidence when I have the resources when I have the time when I have the energy when my kids are older when my husband is happy and I did that for eight years and so now looking back in In hindsight, when I talk about dreams and I talk about how we end up where we are, it's our responsibility, but we end up giving up on them.

6:04And we assume who was I to dream so big. And when I was in those moments where I was a stay at home wife and I had this loving husband, had a roof over my head, I literally had like the man of my dreams. I was telling myself each day as I was miserable, well, who am I to complain? Because I have a roof over my head. and you end up getting stuck because you tell yourself a narrative of, but I'm so lucky that I'm here. And what I realized is we all have the opportunity and the right to be head over heels on some part of our lives and absolutely utter miserable in others and want to ask for more and have the freaking right to ask for more.

6:46So kind of climb this full circle with your question is I was told as a kid that I would end up somewhere. And because of that belief system, even though I had the dreams, the belief system took me into a life that wasn't mine. And I ended up stuck there because I didn't feel like I had the right to ask for more. Wow. This is so powerful. And for everyone that's listening that already knows my story, I hope you're going to see this. Here's what I find super interesting, Lisa, is that for me, I had that moment when I was in corporate America, I was in the C-suite, you know, I was making big money, getting all the accolades and everyone's saying, you're so lucky.

7:21You're so blessed to I've made it. So I would go home at night and think, why do I feel miserable? I don't feel happy in what I'm doing. Oh my gosh, I've got to stop it. I should be grateful. Focus on gratitude to other. Be grateful for where you are. You're healthy. You have an amazing job. You provide for your son. Things are going great. And I would block that noise out. That noise was my calling, by the way, right? I'd block that noise out because I thought I'm not being grateful. Here's what's different about you and I, I got fired, which that was my wake up call moment to push me out the window to say, okay, you got to go deal with what this calling is for you.

7:54And I'm always so interested to understand. I didn't have the courage or I didn't have the confidence to make that jump on my own. I had to get pushed. What was that catalyst for you that got you to stand up one day after eight years and say, today's the day I'm changing things. Oh, Heather, this is so my jam. Cause you're so right. Cause that's the thing. I didn't hit rock bottom and girl that is where people stay because you don't hit rock bottom you end up what I call purgatory the mundane your life is just mundane enough it doesn't hit rock bottom so it doesn't like jolt you into action like you right where it's like oh my god well where am I going to pay my next bill well screw it I might as well do this because I've got nothing to lose right so many people do that I didn't have that almost so for eight years I was like well I can't ask for more and that's where we get stuck and I live in literal perpetual fear that people will stay there for the rest of their lives because they may not have a moment where they hit rock bottom which is exactly why by the way COVID shook people awake because to most people that was their rock bottom they're like oh my god this is life let me make a change but what about the people that don't and there's so many of us there's so many of us that don't have that and so for me my husband was miserable chasing money so I was like I'm just going to support him we're going to try and make movies so that was like I convinced myself it was for the bigger dream right we're going to make movies we're going to make movies so my husband went out to work I was like I'm going to support everything else so we're going to do the Steve Jobs effect you're going to go out and I'm going to make all other decisions for you because Steve Jobs basically said the way he reason why he always wore those black turtlenecks was so that he only had to make a certain amount of decisions in a day and why the hell would he waste it on clothes so I said let's do that babe you're gonna go to work I'm gonna decide everything else I'm gonna cook for you I'm gonna put your clothes out literally he would go to the gym he'd come back his clothes were waiting he'd get in the shower he'd come out the shower his towel was waiting he'd head off to work his clothes were waiting his lunch was waiting like I took it seriously and I'm like I can do this it's 12 months but what ends up happening 12 months led to three years four years five years by the sixth year it's like now you're like well I'm invested I can't turn around now because like what does that mean those six years for a waste so you almost like double down than if you play if you bet gambling but it's like you double down because you're like I don't want this six years to be a waste so here I am on what I call this hamster wheel now where I'm just like supporting him supporting him and he became miserable and in those moments at the eight-year mark I was like I don't care about money I don't care about making movies all I care about is actually having my husband back and so what does that look like and so that started the idea of quest nutrition so him and his business partners basically said if we were to do something predicated on passion and a mission what would that be so my husband comes back home one day all right babe you're right I'm miserable you're miserable we're going to start a new company it's going to be a protein bar company do you mind helping out helping out now what I didn't expect is the company would grow at 57 ,000 % and go from me helping out shipping bars on my living room floor and walking to the post office on a daily basis to literally two years later, I had 40, four zero employees underneath me.

11:16I had 10 ,000 square foot of just shipping department and we were shipping out millions and millions of dollars worth of product every day. Now I had zero experience, zero. So at first it was the reason why I changed was if Quest goes under, I lose my house. so it became very easy for me to face things that I didn't know what I was doing to face the fear to face all the insecurity that we all have that keep us stuck I almost didn't have that thank God and the reason why I say thank God is because it didn't stop me every time I hit a hurdle I'm like all right Lisa you can crumble right now and lose your house or you can learn this get back up figure it out and keep going and so in those moments where once upon a time the insecure Lisa the person that didn't feel good about herself that wanted to protect her ego wouldn't have taken action I didn't have the the privilege of doing that so I just had to keep going so all my inadequacies that I found myself in every single day I had to figure out all the skill sets I didn't know I had to build all the insecurities I had I had to face and so in growing quest in my evolution it was I had zero confidence but I kept going and that's where I realized the massive difference between having confidence and waiting for the confidence to get going, to reach your goal, or having the radical confidence, which means you feel the fear, you're totally inadequate, but you put in a plan and do it anyway.

12:44And that is what is radical confidence. And radical confidence is what got me from there to where I am now. It's not that I'm confident. So you even said, oh my God, you're so confident. I have a crippling voice in my head that wants to hold me back every step of the way. Every step. I just don't let her dictate how I act. She's still there. I just don't listen to her. Meet a different guest each week.

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16:38I ask you to try to find your passion. You brought up so many great points that I want to make sure everybody heard. Number one, you went through this eight-year period knowing you weren't living your best life you weren't living your calling and finally one day you had that conversation with your husband I made a decision I just want you back how does this look I'm not sure how it looks but I'm putting it out to you into the universe I'm communicating something's not working and that really started changing this whole process for you which led to quest led to you working together led to you stepping into your confidence so so again you put it out there that something had to change number one.

17:14Two, the other thing you mentioned that I find really interesting is sunk cost fallacy. And for anyone that doesn't really understand what that means, so often, whether it be in a relationship or in a business, we say, I've got 10 years in on this. I know I'm not happy. I can't walk away now because that's basically saying the last 10 years I was wrong or that it's a waste or there's got to be, I can't do that now. There's too much invested in this. And sunk cost fallacy so interesting to me. I've done it in relationships before, you know, I'm four years into this. I can't give up now. It makes absolutely no sense.

17:46Every time I've had that internal dialogue with myself. And of course, eventually something will happen or, you know, I'll have an epiphany that I do need to make that shame. And after I do, I have this moment where I sit down and say, yet again, here I am again, because so many of us have patterns in our life. You know, I stayed too long. And so that's dialogue. I'm constantly aware of now. I don't allow myself to say just because I was in something for a year or two years, doesn't mean it was too long. You know what, if 10 years ago was the right time, now is the only time pull the trigger. Yeah, it's so true.

18:18I go to like, is it still moving you towards your goal? Yes or no. So actually there's two parts. Is it still moving you towards your goal? And is it still fulfilling? Because those things sometimes, right? It's like, well, no, we get, you know, especially in entrepreneurial world these days, it's like you know be on your grind hustle hustle work hard move forward and so the question is yes work hard but are you working smart and are you working in the right direction it's like think of you know I love analogies so just thinking about going in the car and it's like you want to drive to New York right but you actually take the wrong freeway and you keep going and you're just like but I'm on this freeway now I met I should it will eventually get me to New York but do you want it to take 10 times longer what if you now realize actually I don't want to go to New York in a way we're like having these assessments of am I still on the right path do I still want to go to New York all these assessments just because you're one year in doesn't mean that you shouldn't in fact that's when you should I wish I did that in eight years I didn't do that even once me and my husband we play this game called no bullshit what would it take and so the no bullshit what would it take to x y and z so let's say your goal is to build a company and you're like okay no no bullshit, what would it take?

19:32It would take me seven years to make$100 ,000. And in that path, I will have to give up on spending Saturdays with my partner. And I can no longer get my hair done. Like, that's what no bullshit, what would it take mean to get to your goal? Actually refine, where are you going? No bullshit, what is it going to take to get you there? And then are you willing to do it? Because that's the thing, right? Like for you with your C-suite, if you're just like, I want to run this company. Great. Now you've got the goal. You know what you want to do. How do you get that? Okay. Well, I need to fill this position.

20:07I need to work my way up the ladder. Okay, great. What skill sets are you going to build to work your way up the ladder? Now, when you're in the process each year, you need to assess, are you having fun? Is it a life you still want? You have to replay the no bullshit. What would it take? Because now your goal still may be, I want to be to the top, but you know what? I actually really want to have a partner and I've given up ever. I've given up dating for four years. And the truth is, this may not be the life I want anymore. I want to date. I want to go out there. Okay. So now maybe you've assessed your goal of running the company may not align with your day to day.

20:43And now you better reassess, does your goal still match the life you want? And I think that to your point of how do you make sure you're not wasting your years is the reassessment of, is your goal still your goal? And are your acts on a day to day filling your heart? Because if it's not, do you actually want to get to your goal in the first place? I like that idea of revisiting and constantly reevaluating what those goals are and accepting that what was working for you even two years ago just might not be working anymore. And that's okay. I remember just growing up that it was this one path and it was corporate America and that's all I ever thought of, right?

21:21So when I was in it, it was tunnel vision. I never thought but what is available to me outside? Is there anything available to me outside of this? And it's so important that we say, we don't have to check the box and go to college and go to corporate America and get this prize. We can actually instead pick our head up and say, what suits me now? Just like that conversation that you had with your husband. And I so appreciate you sharing that. Now, a lot of people might not know, Lisa, that you've had personal struggles along this journey. Can you take us through what some of your health challenges were and how that impacted your confidence.

21:55It's one of these stories that when people hear, it's like one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. And I want people right now to think about what that thing is for them. Because here's the thing. I had moments where I'm like, this could potentially mess me up mentally for the rest of my life. And in the moments I knew that, I was like, my health got so bad that it could change fundamentally who I am as a person. And in real time, I remember thinking, these moments basically dictate who you are going to be. And do I sit there and think, why me? Why did this happen? Or can I say, how is this the best thing that's ever happened?

22:38And so I'm about to tell you a story where it's like I could have been on my deathbed, almost rushed to hospital. And it's like it's still the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that is a change in perspective. So I'd worked really hard. Me and my husband were building quests. every time it's hard you know what it's like building businesses doing things on your own it's it's just so difficult you have a million reasons why you should quit and in fact you have a million and one reasons why you should quit and to keep going to make sure that I wasn't allowing my mindset the who do you think you are you know quit now while you're ahead Lisa or no one believes you can do it you should be stay at home like all these things that I was battling I need a motivation I need that something that's going to keep me going so me and my husband on days when quest got really freaking hard we would take our little bang up car and we would just drive around beverly hills and at the time we had a hole in our exhaust because we spent every penny in the into the company so we wouldn't didn't even put it into the car so when you drove over 60 miles an hour you had like the the steering wheel was one of those ones that would rattle and like shake so we would drive around beverly hills on these really exhausting days when we were just trying and stay motivated and we would choose which houses we love and I would point out the Mediterranean houses and he would point out the ones because he comes from Tacoma Washington so his dream as well to live in Beverly Hills we both had that dream so this was our thing and every couple of weeks to a month we would drive around Beverly Hills and dream about the house that we would get eventually when Quest did well cut to Quest actually does well and Quest actually goes from zero to a billion dollar company in five years and we're announced as the second fastest growing company in North America.

24:17I mean, it's crazy. The dreams come true and we're finally looking for a house and we finally find one in Beverly Hills. It's the freaking dream come true. Girl, I was like, you can't write this shit. It's so amazing. We buy the house of our dreams. Everyone, you can imagine that dream coming true on the day of celebration. I'm a nineties girl. I love hip hop. So I'd always envision I'm going to get the bottle of champagne. I'm going to pour it down me under a waterfall like I'm just like let's do this baby so we get the champagne we've actually got a waterfall it's the freaking dream come true I take the champagne I've got my sexy bikini on I go to take a you know a gulp and like that it felt like my gut erupted this was six years ago and my life since that day has never been the same for over a year since that day for a year I I could barely eat anything.

25:09And I had lost maybe I was probably 20 pounds lighter than I was. I mean, I was so malnutritioned. I couldn't stand up for longer than five minutes at a time. My hair was falling out. My nails were brittle. So just to give context, everyone says you can't wait for the dream to come true. The day the dream actually came true, my health never was the same. So you want to talk about someone that can very easily talk about it really doesn't matter how much money you have in your bank account. It really doesn't matter what dream you have. If you don't take care of yourself, if you don't take care of your body and your mindset, it literally doesn't matter.

25:44Because if you can't stand up, if you can barely breathe, let me tell you, having a house in Beverly Hills doesn't mean crap. And so when I say it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me is it just oriented my world. And it oriented everything on I'd worked so hard to try to get the dream house and realize that isn't what is success. success that isn't what equates to success for me it's how I feel about myself am I proud of myself every day do I show up do I support people that I care about do I support women do I show up to live the mission that I say out loud that I'm going to live which is to help the 14 year old girl the little Lisa not have to unwire 20 years of mindset like I've had to that's my stated mission and how do I do that by creating content and so every day do I show up to do that that is now my North Star, my whole health was a beautiful lesson.

26:36It was a beautiful lesson in assessing what dreams really are, assessing in what impact really is. It really oriented, like I said, that all that actually matters is how you think about yourself when you're by yourself. Like, are you nice to yourself? We all know those moments when you're by yourself at night, right? When the lights are off, the amount of times I've tried to fall asleep and the negative voice spinning, telling me I'm no good and all the crap I mean you know right like oh how many times all the crap you've done wrong that day you shouldn't have said that oh my god I can't believe you did this you should have known better all of that what is like the purpose of life if you want to get so freaking deep right when I think about it it's like to feel good about myself and here I am fighting working hard I've spent you know all these years trying to build this company and I don't even feel good about myself so that oriented everything and it put so much into perspective it made me realize that without your mindset without your health without your belief system without how you show up what really matters and that now has become my north star and that has become my path so I want really people to really think like I hope that no one's ever had to you know get in that situation where looking back my helpers so many people deal with health issues and the question is right now do you have a dream do you have a goal and every day are you acting in accordance for the long term because for me I was like for a year I couldn't have mental clarity at all and so you want to talk about how I actually hindered my mission because I wasn't able to show up so I want people to really think about that they don't get into that overwhelm or that you know burnout because burnout is real overwhelm is real and I had to unwind it.

28:20So you really believe it was your mindset, the stress and exhaustion from work that brought the sickness on? So yeah, so in really unraveling everything, I'd gone to so many doctors, right? So originally it was like, let me just pay my way out of it, go to all the best doctors in Beverly Hills and they'll fix me. And what I realized was, even then I was given my power away. I was saying to a doctor, fix me, you fix me, you give me something that's going to make me better. I was waiting. So I literally would go to these doctors, think that I could pay my way through it and wait for them to give me a magic pill.

28:54A year later, no one could fix me. I still couldn't properly eat. Every time I even put a bit of pepper on my food, I would go into gastroenteritis, literally I could barely breathe. So after years and years of just assessing what is going on, I started to realize that I had an unhealthy relationship with food so growing up trying to look you know skinny and being told in the greek tradition that women must watch their weight is okay if the guy got heavy it meant that they had a wife that took care of them but if a woman got heavy it meant like oh no you're not valuable anymore in essence so i very much heard my entire life that being skinny equated to getting the man so i definitely watched what i ate as i got older i was being more and more restrictive your immune system 70 % is carried in in your gut and so I was getting sick because I wasn't eating I was taking antibiotics and I wasn't replenishing my gut so 10 years of that it got to the point in those last final years where I was taking so many antibiotics four or five times a year I wasn't replenishing my gut now initially I looked to the doctors and I was like well the doctor told me I you know I shouldn't be giving you this many antibiotics.

30:09I never once asked why. So when it first happened to me, I kept blaming the doctor. Well, the doctor gave me antibiotics. Well, the doctor told me to take this. And after two years of feeling helpless, I realized, Lisa, they didn't force it down your throat. Every time the doctor said, you know, I shouldn't be giving you antibiotics. I still took them. I never researched why the doctor was saying it. I never researched why I was getting more and more sick, I thought that if the doctor didn't say anything, then I was fine. And so over a couple of years of realizing how I had contributed to me having gut issues in the first place, it literally almost like a thunderbolt.

30:49I was like, oh, I did this to myself. Now here's the thing, Heather. There are two things that you can do when you say that to yourself. You can feel like oh my god now I'm victimizing myself I'm blaming myself I'm making myself like but that's really dangerous Lisa people shouldn't blame themselves or you can say I'm empowering myself those are two paths I see but ahead of me and I was like by saying that I can blame myself or I can empower and I was like which one serves me empowering myself so I go amazing if this was all my fault how could that be so freaking empowering and I was like because if it's all my fault now only I can fix it and go and you want to say you adopt a powerful mindset that can get you through anything it didn't matter after that what happened I used it as a way to go cool Lisa you can empower yourself what did you learn from this and from that moment on I started to write down everything I ate I started to write down everything my moods how much I slept was it a deep sleep I wore an aura ring was I getting into REM sleep was I not getting into REM sleep I started having a continuous glucose monitor so I can monitor what food I was eating if it was having an effect on my blood sugar levels and then how I was cognitively aware that day I did it all myself and over time I started to realize the foods that could help I started to lean into those foods more and over time I started to fix myself and you want to know the most powerful thing that ended up from that entire horrific health story, I use that mindset now on everything.

32:27So the empowerment of if this was all my fault, how can I fix it? I do now with everything. Some people don't like the word fault. So you can use how ownership, responsibility, but by shifting that mentality in the relationship with my husband, when we argue, I literally say, if this is all my fault, how can I fix this? And it just changes the perspective. With my business, if something crashes and burns if this was my response even if it's someone else I say this was if it was my responsibility how now can I fix it oh you know what as a leader I wasn't there for them to give them bumpers so that if they were to do something that I consider wrong they wouldn't be able to well it's my responsibility to put those bumpers in so now even if it's someone else that did something wrong, I can take responsibility and ownership.

33:18And now I can grow from it. So all of this thing with the most horrific health issues, I've taken complete ownership. It's taught me one of the most powerful lessons of my entire life.

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