Confidence Classic: Finding Joy In the Journey to Turn Ordinary Moments Into Unlimited Possibility with Kelley Tyan

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1:12Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here with us this week. Yes, I said us. I'm not sitting here by myself today.

1:48And thank goodness we are not on video. I've got Kelly Tyen with me today. Hi, Kelly Tyen here with a lost voice. Yeah, literally. Okay, so I'm in Massachusetts right now. This is where I'm from, Wista. I mean, not technically in Wista, but close. This is where I grew up, back with my homies. One of our OGs got married last night, and we are coming to you live with not living our best lives right now. We are not living our best lives right now. Apparently, I was singing a lot at the wedding. So my voice is a little off, but we had the best night ever. Ever. like that can't even we but we declared it before we left the house do you remember and we did that this summer too remember when we were martha's vineyard we declared this is going to be the best day ever and it truly truly was so yeah put out there what it is that you want like for your day i don't you know i don't know when you're listening to this maybe it's monday maybe it's sunday i don't know but like declare this is gonna be your best day ever and watch the chips fall because it literally came to fruition yesterday.

2:59It did, and it matters what you speak out. Yeah, no, it's so true. Okay, here's where I want to start, first of all. The person that got married yesterday is 48 years old. His first marriage. I never thought in a million years this person was ever going to get married. Never, never. It was never happening. And yesterday he had the most epic wedding, incredible, very traditional. He has two children with this woman, and not what any of us would have ever forecasted, correct? Correct. He's been single most of his life. We just didn't see it coming. And she was such a blessing. She just came into his life delivered by God himself.

3:40Truly. Planted in his path because nobody thought this guy would be married. And we're just so happy for him. So happy for him. But I guess my point for everyone listening is that you don't know what's possible because he never thought he was getting married. If anyone had asked him five years ago or 10 years ago, no, he was never going to get married. It was a joke. He would literally make a joke of it. So my point is anything is possible and you have to stay open to that possibility of what could come. Gosh, this is what I thought truly when I saw him at the church yesterday. I'm like, if he is getting married, clearly I'm going to get married again.

4:19You are getting married. if mommy is getting very clearly i am at it yes we're declaring yeah we're speaking it into existence right now yes okay so so excited and i will be the maid of honor of course yes but here's the thing is that i was i was so in awe i was so surprised that he did get married so happy for him he was clearly so happy he also showed up so differently like he was a bridezilla he was a bridezilla and we never thought that we never never we didn't know if she would be a bridezilla in in a some kind of way right very sweet girl i didn't see that but he came in hot as a bride oh my god every in every way possible like heather was visiting maybe over the summer remember we were with the girl that got married she says he made me return my uh what was it the wedding invitation invitation because the font wasn't right the font i mean ladies if you're right zilla don't be this is so much it was so ridiculous but we never thought he would show up like that however right things change incredibly for this person once he decided he did want to get married it became like the most important thing in the world to him oh it was a countdown from the one year ago and everybody had jobs and chores and we it's amazing no he was just a happy kelly gave a blessing uh he asked her to give a blessing at the reception and he timed her delivery and like threatened her not to go over the it was like a ted talk basically it was a ted talk and i had to rehearse my 60 seconds so it didn't go over 60 seconds which you clearly went over by the way It was so funny.

6:05It was great. We had such a great night. Getting together with people we haven't seen in 20, right? Maybe even 30 years. Yeah, some people 30 years. And literally like picking up right where you left off. Right where we left off. Yeah. Everybody was great. It was like we were back in high school. And these are the fun times when you meet with people you haven't seen in a while. Okay, but some unexpected things happened that I want to dive into. So, okay, wait, that was the weirdest, like, that was weird. I loved it. Okay. So he had a cutout, a life-size cutout of Tom Brady that he busted through the door with at the end of the night.

6:48At the reception. At the reception, walking around with the cutout. So he's a diehard fan. Clearly. Number one, number one fan of Tom Brady, but that was funny. I thought that was so weird and unexpected. I love, I thought it was fun. Okay. I don't think it's fun just in case I end up dating Tom Brady. That'll be a little embarrassing. Ooh. I love that. We're putting it out there. We're putting that out. If you are listening to Creating Confidence today, Tom, get in touch with me, Kelly Tyen. Oh, my God. I'll hook you up. Okay. All right. Done and done. Okay. So to that end at the wedding, all right, this is what was super surprising, guys, is that years ago, one of my friends from college who I've been very good friends with, I had dated someone for a short period of time.

7:37I wasn't really very serious about him at all. No, I was like nothing. Anyways, she just blows that one right off. Cause that was never, it was never a big deal to me. Yeah. So I remember I just moved away and then that's, I think how I broke up with them. And so anyways, this girl ends up marrying someone that I dated, but it was, it wasn't a big deal because I wasn't very serious about the guy. So anyway, she ends up marrying him. And then she stopped talking to me, you know, for whatever reasons people have. So for years, years and years and years, even at your wedding, right at your wedding, 20 years ago, she wouldn't speak to me.

8:10It was weird, but okay. Like, you know, I just let it go. It's not about me, whatever, you know, whatever issue she has, she had an issue. So I let it go. You had stayed friends with her and you guys would go on vacation together sometimes. And I couldn't be around. So there was like weird dynamic, but whatever. Again, you know, life moves on. First world problems. Well, wouldn't you know, out of the blue, last night, we're standing there. And she walks right up and she's standing on one side of you and I'm on the other, which she would never have done in the past. And she just says to me, oh my gosh, I love your shoes.

8:46And this woman has not spoken to me. That's how she's smoking. Yeah, it was my shoes. Oh, my shoes are incredible. They're incredible. They were cute. They're Christian Louboutin. They're so gorgeous. I'm obsessed with them. Anyhow, they took a couple of falls last night. But yeah. Anyways, so. All right. So she just says, oh, my gosh, I love your shoes. So immediately I say, thank you so much. Right. Like I just act like nothing had happened at first at first. But I changed that after. So I just said, you know, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. That's so sweet of you to say. I love them. Like I start telling her about the shoes.

9:18And then all of a sudden it was just pick up like nothing ever happened. And then they were glued at the hip the whole night. No. Then I was sitting next to your husband at dinner. No, I was sitting next to your husband at the beginning of the wedding. And I leaned over and said to him, I told him what happened. And I said, listen, I'm going to go talk to her, though. I don't want to act like nothing happened. I'm just not that person. I can't just pretend nothing happened. That's not me. That's her, for sure. Which, like, different things work for different people. But that just isn't me. I have to address the elephant in the room.

9:50Wait, let's talk about that for a minute because I think many people, I don't know if I'm as strong as you. No, you would, you'd let it go. I think I would, even though it would bother me, I would want to say something. But this happened to me in my life with a friend and she just never addressed it. Yeah. I didn't either. And it bothers me. So I'm happy that you felt that way. Oh my gosh. I felt, well, because even your husband said to me, he's like, I don't think you need to do that. Right. He was like, I don't think, he was like, I don't think, he's like, yeah, he's like, why would you risk, you know, like Heather just let it be.

10:21It was kind of his point. Like just let it go. Well, that goes with the whole thing of being comfortable. It's very comfortable not to say anything. To me, that's more uncomfortable. Right. Yeah. Right. But I like your style because you want to handle it and then move on. And then move on. Because then once you've addressed it, you can move on. I know. Because you've already said it. It's so true. She was not comfortable with it, by the way. Oh, not at all. Not at all. So what did you say? I don't even know. All right. So first of all, I ran up by your husband first because he's kind of like my litmus test.

10:48And he was like, you know what? I don't think you need to do it. And I'm like, well, I really feel like I need to. And he's like, well, then if you feel that strongly, do it. He's like, but don't make a big deal out of it. I'm like, okay, got it. So I just immediately, when they let us stand up from the tables, I walked, I beelined to her. And I said, I need to speak to you for a moment. And she's like, what's up? Sure. Like acting like everything's fine. That we hadn't, like the 20 years had not occurred. And I said, listen, you and I were good friends. And obviously, you know, something changed.

11:17And I didn't want to dig into the reasons why, you know, I just said, obviously something changed. I said, and now today, you know, fast forward 20 years, you're showing up like nothing happened. Number one, I want to say thank you. Like, thank you for opening that door for kindness and forgiveness for whatever, you know, was uncomfortable for you before. I said, number one, I want to say thank you. I said, and number two, I just want to say I'm grateful that, you know, we're speaking again. That was so nice. But no, but she gave it the funny thing. I think she must have been very nervous. She was very nervous.

11:50Yeah. No, you're right. I wasn't thinking about that at the time, but she was very nervous. And she was very put off by me saying this. Like, it was very uncomfortable for her. I'm actually sweating right now thinking about this. You are? Well, I mean, first of all, you guys were at a wedding. I'm not sure. Maybe your listeners can tell you if they would do that. Because I think this is interesting. Would you wait until the wedding is over and then maybe send her or call her? No. No, because then I'd be fake. The whole, I'm not fake. Okay. I don't, I'm not showing up as fake. I'd either have to avoid her the rest of the night.

12:24So I know you and I know this, but I still don't know if I would have done it. No, you would not have done it. Yeah, no, you totally wouldn't have. So anyway, so she was very nervous. It was uncomfortable for her. And she basically kind of said to me like, oh no, I don't think it's a big deal. I just haven't seen you. Which that was not a truth, right? And I knew that wasn't a truth, but I wasn't going to argue the point, right? I'm like, okay, at that point I decided to let it go because it wasn't a battle I was trying to win. I was more or less just saying, I want to show that, okay, something was broken here.

12:55You're opening it up to repair it. And I'm appreciative of that. And let's like acknowledge it and move forward, you know? But she did not want to, she wasn't getting my vibe. Like she didn't feel the same way I did. She wanted to just push it, push past it. And so I did at that point, I let it go. And, you know, she just kind of basically said, I haven't seen you. And, you know, had I seen you, it would have been different. so let's just move on. And I just said, okay. Perfect. Yeah, so I let it go. And then, yeah, we dropped it and then acted like nothing ever happened. Yeah, it was so bizarre.

13:24But that goes back to my point of, you just never know what's going to happen in life. I would have, as much as I never thought Tommy was going to get married, I never thought this woman would have ever spoken to me ever again in her life. I know. I wasn't sure myself, to be honest. Yeah. If she would ever say. Yeah. Because like it had gone so long, why would she now? So long. Right. I guess the shoes. Yeah. No, but you know what? The shoes. No, it wasn't the shoes. Okay. You want to know what it was, guys? Here's what I think. I think she's in a better place in her life. I think it has nothing to do with me.

13:58A hundred percent. I agree. Yeah. She's in a really good place. And when you're not in a good place, right, it comes out in every single way. Just like we said. Just like. What did we say? One of our other friends. You can see happiness on someone. Yes. It's visible. Yes. Okay, so one of our friends looked so gorgeous yesterday. It was like breathtaking, like a stall. She was like a showstopper. It was radiating. Radiating. Her happiness was radiating through her face. Literally. Literally. Yeah. Usually she, well, she looks beautiful all the time. Of course, but not like this. Like you said, it was other level.

14:38It was visible to everyone. She was stunning. Yes. you can see the happiness when it's shining through. Yeah. And that's something you can't hide. That's something you can't fake. That's just you either have it or not. And this woman that decided to speak to me yesterday, same thing. She just was like a happier version of herself. She was. And I'm happy that you guys moved on. Yeah, no, for sure. To me, listen, life is about finding joy in any moment. And if you're going to be uncomfortable or unhappy, that hurts you. Like, I don't need to penalize someone for not speaking to me for years. That's just crazy.

15:10Like, why not find a way to forgive, repair, and move on? I love this because that's what it's all about, forgiveness. And we would talk about this all the time. When you hold on and you're not forgiving, the other person's moved. Like, you moved on. She was holding on to it. So it's causing so much angst in her. Just forgive and move on. It's that easy. And it was so funny because her husband looked so happy. Like, it was just like a weight lifted, like that we don't need to have this, like, weird, unseen, negative thing. in the room anymore. Exactly. And even though it could have just, you know, they didn't have to do it.

15:45Just the point is this, if you have the opportunity to forgive someone, if you have the opportunity to find joy, choose it. It'll make you feel better. It'll make those around you feel better. And then you can just pick happiness and move on. And literally like our friend, you'll end up looking better as a result of it. I agree. I think I looked really good because because I was very happy and I, and it's true. It shines. No, that's the filter that you choose. Oh, is it? Oh my gosh. The filters. I can't. Okay. So we need a filter right now. No, we look horrible. We will be the first ones to tell you when we think we look terrible.

16:24We would. We look terrible right now. It's not, it's not good. Not our best look, but it's okay. Yeah. No, it's so it's great. I mean, it is so fun. It is so funny. It's so fun. different guests each week. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Takayatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Takayatry is a 100 % online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more.

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19:48One of the things I want to talk about was, and I mentioned this to you at the church yesterday. Yesterday was one of the first times I've been back in a traditional Catholic church in a really long time, in years. and my faith journey has me very much in a different type of worship season right now with Christian faith is so incredibly different and what the things that struck me number one I felt like a little nervous like you almost feel like getting judged the minute you walk in like I hope the stress is appropriate for being in church and I didn't feel the way that I feel when I walk in. You felt that way?

20:27Oh, yeah. It took me back to being a kid. Like, oh, gosh, remember, I started saying to you the rules. You're not supposed to receive communion if you weren't in a traditional church the week prior. Like, I remember the rules and I remember the dictates and just that sense of kind of being judged that hit me very quickly. So I understand so much so when I hear people who, you know, they don't like church, they don't have a good feeling around it. I sort of have, you know, not the greatest memories of that. It's so different now, you know. So different. Because what you're saying is people are taken back by religion.

21:03Yes. And right now you are in a relationship with God. Totally different. And, you know, Catholicism is a lot of rules. And that's why people push back. So faith, you know, both of us go to Christian churches that there aren't any rules. It's Bible based. So Jesus loves everyone. That's the message. Love your neighbor as yourself. And that's what we're doing here. So Heather was looked at me when communion was being served. And she said, should I go? I said, yes, why not? Right away, you said that. But I said, no, the rule is, I remember if you haven't been the week before, you're not supposed to receive.

21:47And you said to me, why wouldn't you receive? Like, there are no rules. That's what you said. I did. And so I would be Jesus. There are no rules. You're right. There are no rules. You're right. But I was thinking of the Catholic church. I was thinking of religion, not like what you're saying. Right. Right. Relationship. The funny thing is I hadn't changed. Just the geography changed. I walked into a traditional church and suddenly my mindset changed. So it's sort of interesting that your brain could change so quickly just in the environment because of the way I had grown up, right? So once Kelly gave me permission to receive, I felt, okay, this is okay for me.

22:22So this is why it's so important who you surround yourself with. So important, you know, the people that you choose to listen to, my back process from my second book, Overcome Your Villains, that third piece, the knowledge that you choose to access and support yourself with. Like in that moment, you granted me permission and immediately I stood up and said, okay, let's, yeah, why wouldn't I receive Christ? Like, let's go. Let's do it. And then I was so glad that I did it. But I needed that permission because I had reverted to an old way of thinking because of the geography I found myself in. So bizarre.

22:53It is. But I my cousin's son just said this the other day. He said, oh, I really don't do religion. And I said, why? Or we were talking about God. And he says, yeah, I just I don't really have an interest in all of those rules. He actually. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Her son. And I said, well, I just want you to know one thing. I'm not part of a religion. I have deep faith. I love, I love God. I love Jesus. It is the same Jesus and God in Catholicism as my church, but I'm in relationship. And I really just want to stress that to people. You don't, not to go on a church tangent right now, but you don't have to feel nervous about God.

23:38It's really about you just, it's like Heather and I having a conversation. That's how I talk to God. I want part of my life. I want to know he's taking care of me. I feel his peace, his presence all the time. So take religion out of your head. If you're, you know, taken, you know, maybe you have bad feelings about religion. Just know that you can have a relationship with God, your own special, unique relationship with him. And it all just starts with talking, a normal conversation, a prayer like guide my day today you know I never feel alone and I think that's the biggest blessing like I want my kids to know they're never alone and you know we want to bring up our children knowing they're never alone not to go off on faith let's go back to the church because I know we wanted to talk about the mass itself it was so beautiful you guys I haven't been to a Catholic mass in so long, but the priest was hilarious.

24:37But he was hilarious. He, you know what the difference is when the priest that marries someone, or you go to a funeral and the priest knows the actual person. It's such a connection. Yes. And the audience feels it. Yes. Like he knew the bride and groom so well. He made jokes. It was just beautiful. He was moved. He was move he teared up tearing up yeah and when when that happened it made it it made it so much more meaningful it was so so meaningful that's what it is it was very meaningful it was a beautiful mass and you know it was very traditional it was nail stand we hated the nailing part remember we're like oh my gosh our knees are killing us we hated that we were all in our dresses and no but it was it was beautiful the church was very pretty and the father did a great job he did an amazing job He was hilarious.

25:31To your point, it makes such a big difference who's leading in an environment like that, right? Because had he been more that traditional way, that would have been not as a memorable ceremony. And I felt so compelled to, I went up to him at the reception afterward. I did too. Oh, you did? Oh, good for you. Oh, good. He was so happy. I wanted to encourage him to let him know that, you know, someone like me who had been, you know, very big in, grew up in Catholicism and then moved away from it and didn't have great feelings. Like he opened that door to make me feel, I was feeling really good about it again.

26:07Yeah. He did a great job. Everything was perfect. We can't say enough about this wedding. I mean, it was. Incredible. It was epic. Epic. I mean, this guy waited 48 years to get married for the first time and it was worth it. It was just so much fun. So many good things happened last night. So many great people that I forgot about. Yeah. The relationships just kicked right back up. I mean, the dancing, like just the whole thing was epic. My singing, I mean, my singing all day. Oh my gosh. The voice, oh my gosh. Oh, the dancing and the singing. And you guys, my calves are killing me. My feet are killing me.